Gundam Deathmatch 2000
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing! I don't own Deathmatch! I'm just a kid who lives in Minnesota with no money except 10 bucks a month which I spend right away usually. So…DON'T SUE!
A/N: DOROTHY LOVERS STAY AWAY!
Heero_YuyZ: Hi, and welcome to Gundam Deathmatch 2000! What do we have going for us tonight Kelly?
Kelly: Well our first fight is between Lady Une and Wufei Chang! They both want to love Treize! Our second fight is between Treize and Zechs. Treize is angry at Zechs for declining his dueling offer during the fight with Libra. And our third fight is between Dorothy Catalonia and Trowa Barton for the love of Quatre! I feel sorry for Trowa… Having to fight that…girl and her eyebrow!
Kaeli: Uh, didn't Zechs die last time?
Heero_YuyZ: Yes but I brought him back to life! Hell, if they can do it to Courtney Love in Celebrity Deathmatch, we can do it here on Gundam Deathmatch! Now onto the fight!
-
Admiral Kelly: I want a good, clean fight! Now lets get it on!
*Une lunges at Wufei and has him in a leg-lock*
Wufei: Augghhh! Get off me you weak onna!
Une: Did you call me weak!? You shall pay! *punches him in gut, but he retaliates with a swift kick to her face making her glasses fall off* We shouldn't fight, this isn't in his excellency's ideals… *puts glasses on* Screw the ideals I say we just kill Wufei! *takes glasses off* NO! We must follow Mr. Treize's ideals! *puts glasses on* As I said, SCREW THE IDEALS! *Takes glasses off* NO! For Mr. Treize! *punches herself then puts on glasses* FOR ME! *punches herself and takes off glasses*
Wufei: What the hell is wrong her?
*two doctors rush in, one is holding a syringe which he injects into her. She instantly calms down*
Doctor #1: Give her 5 minutes and she'll be able to fight!
Doctor #2: Well…5-30… I accidentally injected the wrong amount…
Doctor #1: *sweatdrops* That's comin' outta your paycheck… *the two doctors leave*
-
Z: What the HECK just happened?
Kaeli: I have no idea…
Kelly: Neither do I…
-
5 Minutes Later
-
Admiral Kelly: Can you fight?
Une: Yeah…
Admiral Kelly: Then lets get it on!
*Une once again tackles Wufei who kicks her into the mat*
Wufei: I feel so empty fighting those weaker than me…
Une: I told you I'm not weak! *lunges at Wufei and bites his ear*
Wufei: Geez! It's another Mike Tyson! *tries shaking her off but his ear rips off*
Une: *knees Wufei in groin then grabs him by his ponytail. Spins him around and throws him out of the stadium roof. Is breathing heavily*
Admiral Kelly: *holds up Une's hand* And Lady Une is the winner!
5X13 Lovers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
-
Z: *is woken up by the scream* Geez, we need fights of higher caliber. On to the next fight… *yawns*
Kelly: Our next fight is between Treize and Zechs! They will be put in the Deathmatch Dome and it will not open until one is dead! The have a selection of weapons from the Gundams, like a Hyperjammer made for a human.
-
Admiral Kelly: Now I want a noble, clean fight! Now lets get it on!
*Treize grabs a beam saber from the side*
Treize: I challenge you to a duel!
Zechs: I say screw the duel! *picks up a sub-machine gun and fires*
Treize: *dodges in blurry, slow-motion Matrix style. Then grabs a Dragon Fang and attaches it to him, then fires at Zechs*
Zechs: *rolls to side and fires at Treize to find himself out of ammo*
Treize: *grabs a flamethrower and fires at Zechs*
Zechs: *grabs a Buster Shield and puts it up just in time. Grabs a hyperjammer and fires*
Treize: *Jumps up and grabs onto the top bars of the dome. Grabs a Beam Cannon from up there and fires at Zechs*
*A leg of a white Tauros blocks the beam*
Noin: Leave Zechs alone!
*Another leg of another white Tauros breaks through kicking the other one*
Une: Leave his excellency alone!
Zechs: Shit, catfight…wanna go for a burger?
Treize: Sure! Sorry about the whole trying to kill you thing!
*the two walk off chatting while Une and Noin fly up and try to destroy each other*
-
Z: Uh…Well at least we got to our main event…Even if these first two matches sucked, this should be good! Now to Shinigami Neko!
-
Shinigami Neko: I'm outside the door of ex-Gundam pilot, ex-Preventer, Trowa Barton. Hopefully he'll come out to talk!
*SN knocks on door. No answer. Knocks again. No answer. Knocks again. No answer*
SN: *growls and opens door. Gasps and slams door shut before camera can see inside* Wrong time! Wrong situation!
*the idiotic cameraman opens the door to reveal Quatre and Trowa in an er… odd position, then slams the door shut sweatdropping*
-
Z: I REALLY didn't need to see that! Lets just get to Shinimegami Winner who is interviewing Dorothy!
-
*a giant black eyebrow is seen eating the cameraman. After swallowing him, it grows larger*
Shinimegami Winner: Holy shit! It's growing bigger! *Drops camera and it goes a bit fuzzy. Screams are heard and the camera picture goes crackly*
-
Kaeli & Kelly: *Look at Z*
Z: Nu-uh! I'm not going down there! I can handle Heero and SN! I can even handle Relena! But Dorothy and her eyebrow? No way! Not in a million years! Uh-uh! No way!
-
Z: *sighs* How the hell do I get dragged into these things?! *grips pistol tightly*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: ROOOOOAAARRRR!!!!!!!
Z: Jesus Christ! *fires pistol again and again at it but nothing happens* SHIT! *drops gun and runs*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: *chases after Z growling*
Z: For the love of god someone help me! *dives to ground and grabs a CMP150 and starts firing*
-
Kelly: *watching surveillance camera tape from booth* Run Z, RUN!
Kaeli: You can do it! You can do it! Put a little muscle to it!
-
Z: *can hear them over loudspeaker* Shut the hell up, get your asses down here, and help me!
*an assistant walks out of a room into the eyebrow's path*
Assistant: AAAHHHHH!!!!
*the eyebrow bears its teeth and bites him in half. After devouring the first half, it eats the other half*
Z: Kuso! What now?
-
Kaeli: RUN YOU IDIOT RUN!
-
Z: WHAT ELSE YOU IDIOT, WHAT ELSE?! *Starts running*
-
Kelly: Use something as bait to draw it away from you!
-
Z: I have an idea! *runs to morgue where Relena's body is. Takes it out and pushes it off towards the open furnace*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: RELENA! *runs after it into the furnace*
Z: *slams furnace door shut* Phewww… *collapses on floor tired*
*suddenly the furnace explodes and the eyebrow walks out flaming*
Z: *hand stumbles on counter behind him to a tiny vial, pulls it down to see it* Liquid Nitrogen…YES! *throws the vial and shields himself with his arms. Uncovers to see his arms covered in frost and the eyebrow frozen solid. The ice shatters and the eyebrow moves toward him* Oh shit… *stands up and runs out of the morgue* WE NEED QUATRE!! He can control Dorothy and her eyebrow! Tell him to get dressed, and get his ass out here!
-
Kaeli: Not a bad idea…You hear that SN?
-
Shinigami Neko: Loud and clear! *opens door to Trowa's room with her head turned away* Okay you two, we have serious business to take care of! Quatre, get dressed, Trowa, get in Heero's Gundam, or at least get the Beam Cannon… Dorothy's eyebrow is on the loose… And if you two don't hurry up soon, Z'll be dead.
Quatre: Fine… *whispers something inaudible to all but Trowa*
Trowa: Okay Koibito…
-
Z: Ch'kushou! What's taking them so long!? *notices something and takes out laser firing at laundry chute door. Turns around to face eyebrow* Adios babe, love ya, bye bye! *jumps backwards down the chute* AAAAHHHHH!!!
*there's a clunk and he can see the eyebrow following*
Z: When does this damn thing give up?! *lands in clothes bin and is sent rolling down a looooonnng spiral staircase* Screw this, I need to get away from that thing! GERONIMO!! *jumps down the middle of the staircase and does a rolling land about 8 stories below. Then jumps up and starts running* Hurry up…
Quatre: STOP DOROTHY…'S EYEBROW!
*the eyebrow stops*
Quatre: Uh…Go stay where Relena Peacecraft is!
Dorothy's Eyebrow: Sure thing Quatre!
*the eyebrow walks away leaving Quatre and Z there*
*you then see Wing ZERO landing where the furnace room is and raising its beam cannon*
Z: WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG!
Quatre: I was busy!
Z: WELL MAYBE IF YOU'D STOP SUCKING- *looks at camera on him and smiles sweetly. Then covers up camera and you can hear the cameraman scream. The camera drops to the ground and goes fuzzy*
-
Z: Well…Onto the fight between Dorothy and Trowa! *straightens shirt*
Kaeli: What took you so long?
Kelly: Yeah, how hard is it to kill an eyebrow?
Z: WELL…Seeing as I had barely any help, and guns, fire, and ice don't work on it, I was in trouble!
Kaeli: Oh…
Z: Can we get on with this fight?
Kelly: Uh well…No…
Z: WHY NOT?
Kaeli: Well, the eyebrow devoured Dorothy…
Z: Well then folks… Good fight, Good night! *yawns and falls asleep in announcer chair*
~FIN~
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing! I don't own Deathmatch! I'm just a kid who lives in Minnesota with no money except 10 bucks a month which I spend right away usually. So…DON'T SUE!
A/N: DOROTHY LOVERS STAY AWAY!
Heero_YuyZ: Hi, and welcome to Gundam Deathmatch 2000! What do we have going for us tonight Kelly?
Kelly: Well our first fight is between Lady Une and Wufei Chang! They both want to love Treize! Our second fight is between Treize and Zechs. Treize is angry at Zechs for declining his dueling offer during the fight with Libra. And our third fight is between Dorothy Catalonia and Trowa Barton for the love of Quatre! I feel sorry for Trowa… Having to fight that…girl and her eyebrow!
Kaeli: Uh, didn't Zechs die last time?
Heero_YuyZ: Yes but I brought him back to life! Hell, if they can do it to Courtney Love in Celebrity Deathmatch, we can do it here on Gundam Deathmatch! Now onto the fight!
-
Admiral Kelly: I want a good, clean fight! Now lets get it on!
*Une lunges at Wufei and has him in a leg-lock*
Wufei: Augghhh! Get off me you weak onna!
Une: Did you call me weak!? You shall pay! *punches him in gut, but he retaliates with a swift kick to her face making her glasses fall off* We shouldn't fight, this isn't in his excellency's ideals… *puts glasses on* Screw the ideals I say we just kill Wufei! *takes glasses off* NO! We must follow Mr. Treize's ideals! *puts glasses on* As I said, SCREW THE IDEALS! *Takes glasses off* NO! For Mr. Treize! *punches herself then puts on glasses* FOR ME! *punches herself and takes off glasses*
Wufei: What the hell is wrong her?
*two doctors rush in, one is holding a syringe which he injects into her. She instantly calms down*
Doctor #1: Give her 5 minutes and she'll be able to fight!
Doctor #2: Well…5-30… I accidentally injected the wrong amount…
Doctor #1: *sweatdrops* That's comin' outta your paycheck… *the two doctors leave*
-
Z: What the HECK just happened?
Kaeli: I have no idea…
Kelly: Neither do I…
-
5 Minutes Later
-
Admiral Kelly: Can you fight?
Une: Yeah…
Admiral Kelly: Then lets get it on!
*Une once again tackles Wufei who kicks her into the mat*
Wufei: I feel so empty fighting those weaker than me…
Une: I told you I'm not weak! *lunges at Wufei and bites his ear*
Wufei: Geez! It's another Mike Tyson! *tries shaking her off but his ear rips off*
Une: *knees Wufei in groin then grabs him by his ponytail. Spins him around and throws him out of the stadium roof. Is breathing heavily*
Admiral Kelly: *holds up Une's hand* And Lady Une is the winner!
5X13 Lovers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
-
Z: *is woken up by the scream* Geez, we need fights of higher caliber. On to the next fight… *yawns*
Kelly: Our next fight is between Treize and Zechs! They will be put in the Deathmatch Dome and it will not open until one is dead! The have a selection of weapons from the Gundams, like a Hyperjammer made for a human.
-
Admiral Kelly: Now I want a noble, clean fight! Now lets get it on!
*Treize grabs a beam saber from the side*
Treize: I challenge you to a duel!
Zechs: I say screw the duel! *picks up a sub-machine gun and fires*
Treize: *dodges in blurry, slow-motion Matrix style. Then grabs a Dragon Fang and attaches it to him, then fires at Zechs*
Zechs: *rolls to side and fires at Treize to find himself out of ammo*
Treize: *grabs a flamethrower and fires at Zechs*
Zechs: *grabs a Buster Shield and puts it up just in time. Grabs a hyperjammer and fires*
Treize: *Jumps up and grabs onto the top bars of the dome. Grabs a Beam Cannon from up there and fires at Zechs*
*A leg of a white Tauros blocks the beam*
Noin: Leave Zechs alone!
*Another leg of another white Tauros breaks through kicking the other one*
Une: Leave his excellency alone!
Zechs: Shit, catfight…wanna go for a burger?
Treize: Sure! Sorry about the whole trying to kill you thing!
*the two walk off chatting while Une and Noin fly up and try to destroy each other*
-
Z: Uh…Well at least we got to our main event…Even if these first two matches sucked, this should be good! Now to Shinigami Neko!
-
Shinigami Neko: I'm outside the door of ex-Gundam pilot, ex-Preventer, Trowa Barton. Hopefully he'll come out to talk!
*SN knocks on door. No answer. Knocks again. No answer. Knocks again. No answer*
SN: *growls and opens door. Gasps and slams door shut before camera can see inside* Wrong time! Wrong situation!
*the idiotic cameraman opens the door to reveal Quatre and Trowa in an er… odd position, then slams the door shut sweatdropping*
-
Z: I REALLY didn't need to see that! Lets just get to Shinimegami Winner who is interviewing Dorothy!
-
*a giant black eyebrow is seen eating the cameraman. After swallowing him, it grows larger*
Shinimegami Winner: Holy shit! It's growing bigger! *Drops camera and it goes a bit fuzzy. Screams are heard and the camera picture goes crackly*
-
Kaeli & Kelly: *Look at Z*
Z: Nu-uh! I'm not going down there! I can handle Heero and SN! I can even handle Relena! But Dorothy and her eyebrow? No way! Not in a million years! Uh-uh! No way!
-
Z: *sighs* How the hell do I get dragged into these things?! *grips pistol tightly*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: ROOOOOAAARRRR!!!!!!!
Z: Jesus Christ! *fires pistol again and again at it but nothing happens* SHIT! *drops gun and runs*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: *chases after Z growling*
Z: For the love of god someone help me! *dives to ground and grabs a CMP150 and starts firing*
-
Kelly: *watching surveillance camera tape from booth* Run Z, RUN!
Kaeli: You can do it! You can do it! Put a little muscle to it!
-
Z: *can hear them over loudspeaker* Shut the hell up, get your asses down here, and help me!
*an assistant walks out of a room into the eyebrow's path*
Assistant: AAAHHHHH!!!!
*the eyebrow bears its teeth and bites him in half. After devouring the first half, it eats the other half*
Z: Kuso! What now?
-
Kaeli: RUN YOU IDIOT RUN!
-
Z: WHAT ELSE YOU IDIOT, WHAT ELSE?! *Starts running*
-
Kelly: Use something as bait to draw it away from you!
-
Z: I have an idea! *runs to morgue where Relena's body is. Takes it out and pushes it off towards the open furnace*
Dorothy's Eyebrow: RELENA! *runs after it into the furnace*
Z: *slams furnace door shut* Phewww… *collapses on floor tired*
*suddenly the furnace explodes and the eyebrow walks out flaming*
Z: *hand stumbles on counter behind him to a tiny vial, pulls it down to see it* Liquid Nitrogen…YES! *throws the vial and shields himself with his arms. Uncovers to see his arms covered in frost and the eyebrow frozen solid. The ice shatters and the eyebrow moves toward him* Oh shit… *stands up and runs out of the morgue* WE NEED QUATRE!! He can control Dorothy and her eyebrow! Tell him to get dressed, and get his ass out here!
-
Kaeli: Not a bad idea…You hear that SN?
-
Shinigami Neko: Loud and clear! *opens door to Trowa's room with her head turned away* Okay you two, we have serious business to take care of! Quatre, get dressed, Trowa, get in Heero's Gundam, or at least get the Beam Cannon… Dorothy's eyebrow is on the loose… And if you two don't hurry up soon, Z'll be dead.
Quatre: Fine… *whispers something inaudible to all but Trowa*
Trowa: Okay Koibito…
-
Z: Ch'kushou! What's taking them so long!? *notices something and takes out laser firing at laundry chute door. Turns around to face eyebrow* Adios babe, love ya, bye bye! *jumps backwards down the chute* AAAAHHHHH!!!
*there's a clunk and he can see the eyebrow following*
Z: When does this damn thing give up?! *lands in clothes bin and is sent rolling down a looooonnng spiral staircase* Screw this, I need to get away from that thing! GERONIMO!! *jumps down the middle of the staircase and does a rolling land about 8 stories below. Then jumps up and starts running* Hurry up…
Quatre: STOP DOROTHY…'S EYEBROW!
*the eyebrow stops*
Quatre: Uh…Go stay where Relena Peacecraft is!
Dorothy's Eyebrow: Sure thing Quatre!
*the eyebrow walks away leaving Quatre and Z there*
*you then see Wing ZERO landing where the furnace room is and raising its beam cannon*
Z: WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG!
Quatre: I was busy!
Z: WELL MAYBE IF YOU'D STOP SUCKING- *looks at camera on him and smiles sweetly. Then covers up camera and you can hear the cameraman scream. The camera drops to the ground and goes fuzzy*
-
Z: Well…Onto the fight between Dorothy and Trowa! *straightens shirt*
Kaeli: What took you so long?
Kelly: Yeah, how hard is it to kill an eyebrow?
Z: WELL…Seeing as I had barely any help, and guns, fire, and ice don't work on it, I was in trouble!
Kaeli: Oh…
Z: Can we get on with this fight?
Kelly: Uh well…No…
Z: WHY NOT?
Kaeli: Well, the eyebrow devoured Dorothy…
Z: Well then folks… Good fight, Good night! *yawns and falls asleep in announcer chair*
~FIN~