~ Lian-hua
MY MAGNOLIA
CHAPTER TWO
The Fa family stood in shock as Li Shang made his
reluctant announcement, Fa Zhou in particular teetered on the verge of
anger, the normally composed face drawn with worry and displeasure. Mulan
herself did not know what to think, or how to react, it was unreal. She
fought to keep her eyes off Shang, how could she let him see how torn and
afraid she was, how could she let him know in front of all her family that
he stood at the heart of it?
"Sir," he addressed Fa Zhou with his usual dignity,
but this time with an edge of formality to it. Was she imagining, or was
he too careful not to look her way in return? "As you know, Liu is the
land between the steppes and Ch'ang-an. If the Huns receive aid from the
king of Liu, they will have a chance at reaching the capitol. If Liu Shitan
sides with us, he will use his men to drive them back. As it is, we cannot
take them both on, the losses we suffered in the last war were severe and
we are still rebuilding those troops. The Emperor will provide the dowry,
and you will be paid as well, for your loss." So restrained and in command
of himself, as though it did not hurt him a bit. Never mind that she was
dying inside. It made her angry to see it, it made her almost hate him.
Fa zhou was not enticed by the bribe, which she
had expected, in fact she was sure he scorned it. "I had always hoped my
son-in-law would be someone I knew."
It was too deliberate, too pointed, and for Mulan
it was too much.
"I am sorry," the general said quietly, this time
including Mulan.
She drew herself up, maybe she wasn't tall and imposing
but she could be proud like a man, she could hide her deepest secrets and
swagger and saunter as though this arrangement was no skin off her back.
His resolve and acceptance had made a fool of her, and worst of all he
didn't even realize it.
"No need for apologies, General Li," her family
was startled, as much at her sudden decision to speak up after her disbelieving
silence as they were at her words, her cold words. "A daughter's duty isn't
that much different from a soldier's." Now that was a biting remark, she
saw him flinch involuntarily, she had hoped it would not go over his head.
If he wanted to be noble and self-sacrificing she could match that and
more, if he truly had felt nothing, she could even feign that. A man's
pride, it was something you learned in the army, something he had tried
to teach her that finally sunk in. Put aside your qualms and think of your
country.
His rigid and soldierly stance never shifted. "Well,
the Empire charges me with seeing you safely to the Imperial City. We can
leave whenever you are ready, but I wouldn't delay too long."
"No need to delay," was her even reply. "I'll just
get my things."
An hour later, Mulan crept quietly from the sad goodbyes
and hollow reassurances her mother and grandmother offered. Fa Li packed
her daughter's clothes with care, grumbling over the fact that she had
no time to prepare a last favorite meal, or acquire a special gift. In
one lost and sad moment Fa Li opened a drawer in her room and took out
a jade pendant carved into a lotus flower, placing it around Mulan's neck.
"Here," she had said as thought it were nothing,
a token trinket that would have to do. "My mother gave this to me. I want
you to have it now." Picking up the charm, Mulan fingered it lightly, it
was really quite beautiful, more beautiful than anything she had worn before.
Smiling despite it all, she embraced her mother, who was already weeping.
Her grandmother had no such gift, but then again
her gifts were always in advice. She told her not to forget Li Shang, not
to give up, the Ancestor's were watching after all. Mulan heard those words
with a lump in throat, it was a nice thought at least.
So she broke away from the somber household a few
moments, straying into the garden that she had always loved. The late morning
sun brought the colors alive, the greens and peaches and pinks around the
sparkling water. She passed that and may her way up the small green hill
to the family temple, where the polished stone tablets shone with a faint
reflection of her face. The incense burner caught her eye, carved into
the shape of a dragon, and she sank to her knees, pressing her forehead
low to the ground.
"Mushu," her prayer was for him alone, how she missed
him. "I know you are watching. I know I have no choice but to accept this
marriage or shame my family. But if there is someday around this please
help me, Mushu, please." she stressed the world as much as she could.
Yet this was not as simple as joining the army and
taking her father's place, this seemed inescapable.
"Mulan?" She turned at the sound of her father's
voice. Fa Zhou was already limping inside the temple, lowering himself
to kneel beside her, carrying something in his hand. Another farewell present,
she though, as if they could wash this away with gifts. "We are worried
about you. You are sure you will be alright?"
She nodded. "I survived the army, and the war, not
every girl does that. But every girl survives a marriage and I won't be
the first."
Patting her hand gently, he smiled at her spirit.
"I talked to Li Shang a moment ago." There he went again, always approaching
the difficult matters with such a care, no matter how much she messed up.
"Oh?" She raised her brow. "Is he going to perform
the ceremony himself?"
"Mulan," it was a gentle chiding, but stern still.
This was no time for her sarcasm. "Mulan, you are being too hard on him.
It is not easy being a man, Mulan, much less a high officer, it will not
be easy for him to watch you ride off and marry, even if he did not want
you for himself. Speaking his mind on the matter will only make things
worse, for everyone, he isn't a fool, Mulan he knows how the world works.
So you see," he sighed tiredly. "hardships aren't only forced on daughters."
Men, she seethed angrily. If only one of them did
have the guts to speak their mind none of these things would happen. She
had stood up for her father, and Chi Fu had silenced her, her father had
yelled at her. Well she had stood up for herself the moment of her discovery,
and Li Shang had relented. A man would have accepted execution as a matter
of pride. She was tired of men and their pride and their resignation.
"No need to worry, Father," she assured him again
with false enthusiasm.
"I brought something you might like to take with
you." Unfolding his little bundle he produced the lotus comb she had worn
the Matchmaker's, the one she had left behind when she ran away. "I know
this time you won't be coming back for it." He brushed her hair back and
placed the comb gently, the way he had the first time.
The sadness in his voice brought forth the tears
she had been fighting all day. Her father would not be there to comfort
her anymore. Flinging her arms around him, she sobbed onto his shoulder
while he patted her hair and tried to reassure her. Leaving her father
would be the hardest thing of all.
Footsteps echoed outside and she looked up abruptly,
wiping her tear stained eyes to find Li Shang looking at her with sympathy
and concern.
"Your mother sent me to get you, Mulan," was all
he said, not the least bit awkward at having stumbled upon this private
family moment. How unlike him. She was mortified, her cheeks burned, that
she should cry in front of him. Regaining her dignity, Mulan rose to her
feet, letting Shang lead her out of the temple. "Are you going to be alright,
Mulan?" He asked her when they were outside.
She turned her nose up at him. He certainly wouldn't
sacrifice a damned thing if she wasn't, nothing that would tarnish his
good name, his honor. "It's not your problem," she snapped at him, she
could take her anger out on him too, just like he did to her in the mountains.
Fa Li had finished the packing, and had Khan saddled
and ready. The horse was hers now, after all, they would find another.
Her family said goodbye including Little Brother, who jumped around and
yelped nervously as if to say the arrangement boded ill. Within the next
hour Mulan was atop her horse following Li Shang out to the rode, looking
back at her home for the last time. She fought to remember it as though
it were a picture, the exact hue of the stones, the color of the leaves,
the flowers. Then she shook her head and gave up, remembering her dignity.