GF Fanatics: Shiva
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Disclaimer: Ya all
know the drill.
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[Scene: An airport
in snowy Alaska. Whitewolf, wearing a fur parka, is sitting in the Waiting Area
with Shard, the same stupid grin on his face.]
Whitewolf: Hello
again and welcome to GF Fanatics. As you already know, I'm Whitewolf. We're
here today in Nome's international airport for a very special person. Ms.
Butterfly, one of the three most renowned Seifer Hunters, will be coming to
meet the ice queen, Shiva. Not only that, with her around, Seifer ain't gonna
have the gall, bile, or whatever gross stuff there is in the digestive system
to come and ruin my show! So, anyways, a stewardess said that her flight's to
arrive in 10 minutes. And yeah, this guy beside me is my all-round partner,
Shard. Say hello, Shard.
Shard: Rrr…awr!
Whitewolf: [beams
proudly] He's an extremely rare Alaskan White-backed Husky!
Shard: Rrr…
Whitewolf:
[whispers] Actually, he's a stray wolf cub (that ain't a cub no more) I found
outside my house. I only used the 'Alaskan White-backed Husky' thing so I could
get him out of the state. Right, buddy?
Shard: Rrr…awr!
Whitewolf: [looks
at watch] God, is her flight late? Say, miss! [motions a nearby flight
attendant over] When's Flight 225 landing?
F. A.: At 3:00 PM,
sir.
Whitewolf: What!?
F. A.: [slightly
annoyed] I said it's arriving at 3:00 PM, sir.
Whitewolf: Sh*t!
The other attendant said it was at 2! What am I supposed to do for an hour!?
F. A.: [snaps] How
am I supposed to know, sir!? Just visit the cafeteria or something! [leaves]
Whitewolf:
…Meanie. [faces cameras] We'll have to edit that part out. So, anyways, we have
to wait for Butterfly…Put the cameras on standby for 1 hour…
[An hour later…the
cameras resumes taping.]
Shard: [asleep]
Zzzz…
Whitewolf:
[mumbles while nodding head] Mariye's Host Rules #1: A host is always happy, no
matter what. Mariye's Host Rules #2: A host does not fall asleep on his job,
especially when the cameras are rolling. Mariye's Host Rules #3: A host does
not com-
Flight Attendant:
[over speakers] Flight 225, unloading at Gate 43. Flight 225, unloading at Gate
43.
Whitewolf: [snaps
awake] Finally! I forgot what Mariye's Host Rules #3 was! [prods Shard] C'mon,
boy. [gets up and walks to Gate Barrier 43]
[Gate Barrier 43.
Butterfly passes through the metal detector. It bleeps.]
Guy: Okay, missy,
what's in the bag?
Butterfly: Uh,
nothing!
Guy: [skeptical
look] Search her!
[They find a net
launcher, a tranquilizer gun, a packet of thumbscrews, a roll of duct tape, and
rope. They look at her. Butterfly smiles nervously.]
Butterfly: Uh,
they're for a friend?
Guy: Take her to
the station!
[Whitewolf
arrives.]
Butterfly:
Whitewolf, help me! They're gonna bring me to the police station!
Whitewolf: What?
What did you do this time? [to the guy] What's wrong, officer?
Guy: This here
girl's got guns.
Whitewolf: And
what is wrong with guns?
Guy: She might be
a criminal.
[Whitewolf gets
close to the guy and hands him a hundred.]
Whitewolf:
[whispers] Here's for your troubles, mac.
Guy: [shocked but
accepts] … [to other guys] Okay, fellows! She's clear!
[They release
Butterfly and leave.]
Butterfly: [to
Whitewolf] Thanks a lot. Now shall we go?
Whitewolf: Not so
fast. You owe me a hundred.
Butterfly:
[sweatdrops] I'll give you later.
[Outside. They get
on the dogsled with Shard as lead dog, er, wolf.]
[Hotel. Whitewolf
brings Butterfly to the kitchens' freezer.]
Butterfly: Uh,
what are we doing here?
Whitewolf: [opens
door] Shiva's inside. Now get in!
Butterfly: [whiny
voice] What if I get frostbite? It's cold as it is out here!
Whitewolf: What do
you want, frostbite or a rabies shot? [points to Shard]
Butterfly:
[grumbles and enters]
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First impressions
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Butterfly: If I
get frostbite, I'll kill that Whitewolf…
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Shiva: I love
adoring fans! Eat your heart out, Siren! I'm way cooler than you!
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[Inside. Shiva is sitting on top of a block
of ice. Butterfly gets out her balaclava, folds it and sits on it.]
Butterfly: [teeth
chattering] He-he-hello, Shiva. Shall we st-st-start?
Shiva: Sure!
Butterfly: H-how
d-does it feel t-to be pi-picked for Fi-final Fa-fantasy VII and VIII?
Shiva: It's so
flattering. But you must know, I've also been chosen for FF6 and Tactics. Some
games even have rip-offs of me, but of course, nothing is better than the real
thing, right?
Butterfly: Y-yeah.
O-okay, with w-who do y-you g-get along the m-most a-a-and w-why?
Shiva: GFs or the
characters?
Butterfly: G-GFs,
please.
Shiva: [thinks]
Quezacotl. He and I are always together in Leonhart's brain.
Butterfly:
[sniffle] So, d-don't y-you f-freeze your l-little be-behind w-when y-you
c-come out of t-that ch-chunk of i-ice?
Shiva: Of course
not! I'm very much the ice queen so the cold doesn't bother little-ol' me.
Butterfly: W-who
do y-you th-think is t-the cu-cutest g-guy from Fi-final Fa-fantasy VIII?
Shiva: [blushes] I
like Mr. Almasy a lot. When he junctioned me in Dollet, I thought I was in
heaven…
Butterfly:
[sputters] S-s-s-seifer!?
Shiva: Yes…[sighs]
[Butterfly's eyes
grow fires and melts all the ice in the freezer.]
Butterfly: SEIFER
IS MINE, YOU ICE HUSSY!!!
Shiva: Ice hussy?
Why I never! [leaves]
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Afterthoughts will
be cancelled since both were too upset to say anything. Thank you for your
consideration.
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[Lobby. Butterfly
comes out panting. Whitewolf raises an eyebrow.]
Whitewolf: It
didn't work out well, did it?
Butterfly: [steams
and mumbles] Stupid ice hussy…
Whitewolf: …So,
you want a cup of hot coco?
[Seifer suddenly
comes sprinting through the doors, carrying Hyperion.]
Seifer: MWAHAHA!!!
I finally have Hyperion! You, [points at Whitewolf] DIE!
[Seifer charges
but Whitewolf side-steps. Seifer hits the freezer door. Butterfly's anger
disappears as she grabs Seifer by the coat, forgetting about his secret from
Fanatics: Seifer Returns.]
Butterfly: Baby,
you're mine! Neither Satsuki nor Sariss will ever take you away from me!
Seifer: Gagh!
[slips out of his coat and runs out of the hotel, dropping Hyperion]
Butterfly: [looks at
her prize and swoons] Heaven…
Whitewolf: [grins
evilly] It's below zero out there. We'll just see what he looks like after an
hour, right Butterfly?
Butterfly: [nods
absentmindedly as she hugs Seifer's coat]
Whitewolf: So,
anyways, tune in next time for Siren! Hey, he dropped Hyperion. Guess I'll have
Sariss give it back to him on her Fanatics…