A Sense of Loss' – Part II
by Aria
Rated – PG
Spoilers – "Vision of the Future' by Timothy Zahn
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e-mail: Aria@mindspring.com
Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to George Lucas (kneel, kiss his ring) and to Mr. Zahn. I'm only borrowing their playground and am not making a ducket from my attempt at spicing up their creation's romance a bit. Please don't sue or feel free to do so, but expect very little for your time.
Chapter 2
"I'm being overly protective," Leia Organa Solo whispered to herself as she paced around her desk and repeated the words her husband had spoken a few hours ago, "Luke can take care of himself!."
And yet, that nagging fear for his well being that was to blame for her loss of concentration that day did not recede.
Physically, her brother was strong and resilient and she knew, from that morning's conversation with Corran Horn, that he was in good health and maintaining his full training schedule at the academy. Then why couldn't she shake the sensation that something was wrong? Why couldn't she find comfort in the knowledge that Luke was indeed well and busy teaching a full day as usual? She resolved to question him outright before reminding herself that Luke would probably present her with the same façade he employed every other time she pressed him on personal matters.
"Leia," he would begin, his features brightening with a smile, "I'm fine. Honest."
He would then proceed to deflect all of her questions until she was simply relegated to pleading, cajoling and ultimately, threatening to extract the information from his mind forcibly if need be. Feigning defeat, he would drop his head and his smile would broaden considerably with the knowledge that his sister, while strong in the force, would be no match for the barriers he could throw up in order to protect whatever it was he was attempting to hide from her.
"I'm just tired, Leia" he would confide, eyes looking up from behind blonde bangs that always appeared too long as he gathered her in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
As if characters in a well rehearsed play, this had become the established routine between them as of late and she blamed no one more than herself for allowing it to remain so. The physical distance, the difference in their schedules and the constant pressures of dealing with their different sets of responsibilities all converged to add to the emotional distance between them.
Leia bit her lip and stood at the floor length window overlooking the city of Coruscant. A warm smile crossed her lips as she recalled the first memories she had of her brother. Young, invincible and with a brightness in his eyes that took on a hint of mischief in times of merriment. During those early years she had come to realize that Luke Skywalker was simply the most affable of men. Long before his competency in the cockpit had been repeatedly proven, he had gained the admiration of all those he worked closest to. From pilot to technician, there didn't seem to be a sentient being that didn't admire the young man's spirit and easy going manner.
As the years passed and the trials of being the galaxy's only Jedi left their indelible mark on his psyche, Luke had gained an inward temperance and a solemn quietness. Outwardly, however, he remained unaffected and retained the charismatic openness that others found so endearing.
A chuckle escaped her lips as she recalled all the times she had amused herself at social functions by watching as people gathered around him, entertaining him with story after story while he, smiling and nodding, stood listening patiently. Rarely did such an evening end without a handful of guests praising her brother's graciousness and wit, when in reality he had hardly spoken a word.
During one such function, she had overheard it said that if there was an axis on which the universe spun, it was to be found on the tip of Luke Skywalker's index finger. The comment was quickly followed by another's observation that the charming aspect to this was the fact that Luke himself seemed to remain blissfully unaware of it. At the time she had simply smiled and thought to herself just how much truth there had been in the latter part of that statement. Recently however, she had come to regret the fact that while Luke had always taken his elevated status in stride, the rest of the galaxy did not.
Her brother had remained the galaxy's most eligible bachelor and the source of intent media attention from the time he had fired the fateful shot which destroyed the Death Star so many years ago. Since then, and since fulfilling his desire to become a Jedi, numerous women had employed various methods in attempting to catch his eye. A great deal of them from prestigious and influential houses and just as many of them, with the full blessing and support of their royal families.
Before the fall of the Empire, such a union would have never been considered appropriate, much less feasible. The stratification separating a family's royal lineage from that of a career pilot was wide indeed and while such instances did take place, they were invariably met with disapproval and oftentimes, with banishment of the couple from the family in question.
The end of the Emperor's reign on the universe had brought about a slackening of these old rules but not to the degree of admitting a farmboy from the outskirts of the galaxy to enter, unhindered, into a family whose lineage had been meticulously preserved for centuries. And yet, these barriers seemed not to apply where her brother was concerned. She had often joked with him that her role as Chief of State should have been granted her with the addition of a social secretary to field the number of requests made for private meetings with her brother, the Jedi.
Family after family lobbied for the opportunity to introduce their daughters to Luke. All of them, drunk with the idea of having the hero of the New Republic and Jedi Knight, as a member of their family. Their intentions were thinly veiled attempts at increasing their prestige and social standing in their home world and had little to do with finding a suitable mate for their daughters. And while she had long ago become accustomed to the ministrations of the rich and powerful, Luke's discomfort with the situation had taken him quite some time to work through.
Yes, Luke Skywalker is loved by many and feared by the rest, she thought. And yet, she knew that although the galaxy lavished him with their affection and admiration, he still lived a life that found him alone with his thoughts most every night.
This realization made its way from her head to her heart and she suddenly ached for her twin. Her own sacrifices on behalf of the Rebellion had taken their toll on her life as well but she had been blessed with a husband and children and with a semblance of a normal life that provided her with solace and comfort during times of crisis . Luke, however, was left to shoulder the considerable responsibility of running his Jedi academy on his shoulders alone.
Leia inhaled deeply and stepped away from the window. With a sudden burst of determination she decided to trust her gut feeling and her gut told her that Luke needed her. Whether he would admit it or not was another matter altogether. Still, she had to try.
Making her way to her com terminal she decided to send a message to her brother requesting his presence in Coruscant and informing him that he should expect to remain for a few days at the very least. Then, but for a couple of social engagements that could not be avoided, she cleared her calendar and prepared to spend as much time as she could in the company of her twin. Barring any unexpected demands on her time, she might be able to persuade him to confide in her and share the burden that she suspected, had been preventing him from sleeping well these past few weeks.
******
Mara Jade caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and all at once realized how wrong she had been ever to have left his side.
Oh, Lukehow I've missed you, she thought to herself and for a moment, her heart skipped with the possibility that she had waited too long to come back to him. Then, as if prompted by the force itself, Luke turned and walked slowly towards her. His jaw was set with a look of determination which he gave voice to as he pulled her into an embrace and covered her mouth with his own. A sweet and powerful feeling of relief swept through her, overcoming her senses and filling her with joy.
"Gods! How I've missed you, Mara." He whispered in her ear in between kisses, barely allowing her to capture her breath.
Her knees felt weak against him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into his body. She gasped as he traded whispers for kisses along the curve of her ear and neck and as he swept her up and carried her to his bed she resolved to never be any further apart from him than this.
The feeling of his body atop hers again made her dizzy with delight and every time his blue eyes met hers her heart threatened to stop beating.
"Don't' ever leave me again, Mara" he groaned hoarsely as he covered her body with his and slowly entered her. Her eyes clouded with tears and she tried in vain to squeeze them shut and refocus her vision. She wanted to record this moment into her memory and cherish it for as long as she lived.
As if listening to herself from outside her own body, she could hear her voice calling out his name like a chant meant to offer salvation. Indeed, she felt saved. Rescued from time spent too long without him. Time filled with longing and despair and with the knowledge that if she lost him; it would have been due to her own misplaced sense of pride.
"You belong to me, Mara!" He whispered seductively, "You will always belong to me."
A stilted breath caught at the base of her throat as she thread her fingers around his hair and lifted his head to look at his flushed face. His eyes were suddenly unrecognizable to her. They had taken on a hardness ill fitted for the moment of intimacy they were sharing and did not seem to belong to the man whose face was centimeters from her own. Their color was not that of a summer's day sky but instead, filled with a swirling milky green pallor that she remembered but couldn't place.
"No!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, horrified at the change he had undergone and at the realization of who those eyes belonged to.
Sweat plastered her undershirt to her body and ran down her face as she jack-knifed up and out of her cot. Her eyes snapped open and closed again, furiously trying to wipe the imagery of her nightmare away.
I don't belong to you, Skywalker! She repeated to herself between clenched teeth over and over again, in an effort to override the effects of her dream. Not to you, not to Palpatinenot to anyone!
She stood on shaky legs and made her way to the cockpit to sit and gaze out among the stars surrounding her ship. Quivering, she brought up her knees and wrapped her arms around them.
"Damned manipulative, spoon-bending, son of a Sith!" She spewed aloud, frustrated by the belief that Luke Skywalker had somehow gotten into her head and the knowledge that she had let him in herself.
Just how much piece of mind will this little indiscretion end up costing me, Skywalker? She asked herself, once again reverting to the loss and profit system of measurement that she related to so well.
She had spent the first half of her life training to become Emperor Palpatine's assassin and then just as much time using those skills to do his bidding. Even after his death, his last command had cheated her out of years that she could never reclaim, hunting Luke down and trying to kill him.
After spending much of her life in the service of another and just as much time ridding her mind of the effects such a service had had on her, she was resolved not to trade one master for another. Not that she truly believed Luke was evil, of course.
Hell! She thought, I don't think Luke is even capable of ill will!
But the premise of needing anyone was more than Mara Jade could withstand. Years of anger and deception had tempered her steel and as much as her body ached for him, her mind would not allow another lapse in judgment to take place. Even if the damage had been done, it was nothing she felt some time and distance couldn't fix.
To be continued...
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