COLD WINTER:
Struggle for Love
Chapter:3
[Gaki-brat]
I was hoping you would not find out
My deepest darkest sin
I knew you'd try to hurt the lout
But you could never win
He is too strong can't you see
He has a weapon you cannot beat
This weapon is the fear from me
Which you cannot defeat.
SAKURA'S P.O.V.
Sakura sighed as she sat on her bed thinking about Syaroan never guessing that the object of her thoughts had been there only a few hours before. Two crystal teardrops slowly made there way down her cheeks making tracks as they went. God she hated the ache in her heart that she always had when she thought of Syaoran. The thoughts were always so bittersweet, giving her a burst of happiness followed by the dread of reality which is what caused her ache.
She cared for Syaoran so much! He was the one person in her life who seemed to understand her and knew how to fix all her problems no matter how trivial they seemed to be. She lost count of how many times she had depended on him and every time he had come though. There had been a time, before last winter, when she had entertained the thought of them maybe getting together but now that thought would have to stay just that, a thought. There was no way she was worthy of him now. She was unpure and dishonored, she could not would not bring that dishonor and shame down on him. She sat still and let more tears fall. She did not think she would ever marry or be with anyone. She could not bring her shame to any man's life especially if she loved them. Suddenly a realization came to her that caused her to smile and let more tears fall all at the same time. She loved him, she loved Syaoran. Hating that she had realized it too late to do anything about it, Sakura finally gave in and pushing her face into one of her pillows she cried out her frustration, sadness, and anger.
TASHI'S P.O.V.
Tashi smiled his lips coming up slightly as he looked at his dear little angel. She was sitting on her bed in deep thought, about what he was dying to know. Suddenly he heard her utter a name though her beautiful pink lips. "Syaoran" she had said with such passion and intensity that his smile had quickly turned into a scowl. So she wanted the snotty little bastard. He cursed and slammed his hand into the tree he was sitting on beside her window. Damm he could not seem to win with this Syaoran Li. First he took the soccer team away from him, then his popularity with his peers, and now this the worst crime of all his little angel he was stealing his little angel from him. Damm him!
Of course, he thought smugly, Syaoran could never be the one who first sampled her flesh, he had had the pleasure of that honor. Suddenly an evil glint appeared in his eyes. I wonder what wonderful perfect Syaoran would do if he knew the girl he thought was as perfect and pure as him was not. Why he'd probably throw her away, saying she was a dishonor to him. Sakura's heart would be broken, she'd be distraught and upset. He smiled once more, this time his smile was one of pure delight and darkness and could cause even the most bravest man to quiver in his boots. He would find a way to let Syaoran in on their little secret and when Sakura was shattered by Syaoran's rejection, he would be there to help pick up the pieces and finally he would have his little Angel right where he wanted her. He could hardly wait.
You think you are unworthy and unpure
That I could not want you
But you I have to reassure
Of how that is just not true
Don't you know you're the one I love
I'd love you no matter what you'd done
You and I fit together like a hand in a glove
You I could never shun.
SYAORAN'S P.O.V.
Syaoran walked around Pigeon Park for the umpteenth time Sakura's words repeating themselves in his head. His anger had been lathered up to a rage as the time had passed and all of it was aimed at one person: Tashi Tembo. He wanted to tear him apart for what he had done to Sakura. She didn't think she was worthy of being Cardmistress anymore, worse she didn't think she was worthy of him. For her to think that he would think different of her because of what happened was ridiculous! He loved Sakura, for her kindness and happiness. Yes he was slightly disappointed he had not been the first one to touch her but he did not think of her as unpure not in the least. He thought of her as the purest person he had ever met, he always had and he still did no matter what had happened. Determined that Sakura had to know his feelings on this and that he knew he turned around and made his way back to Sakura's house.
Once there he decided he would use the easier way in and knocked on the door. Tori, Sakura's older brother answered on his first knock. "Oh it's you Gaki, what do you want?" He asked in a voice that stated he didn't particularly care what Syaoran's answer was.
"I want to see Sakura, I need to talk to her it's urgent" He said his voice strained and uneasy. Seeming to sense this was a serious matter needing to be discussed Tori nodded and turning around yelled up the stairs to Sakura. "Hey squirt ya got company!"
Running down the stairs Sakura began yelling back at her brother before she had even reached the last step.
"Tori I told you to stop calling me Sq-" Sakura's eyes widened as she looked over and saw Syaoran standing by her front door. She seemed surprised to see him and with dismay he could see she had been crying leaving her eyes all red and puffy. As he looked into the beautiful emerald pools he could read despair and a deep sadness there. Damm Tashi for doing that to her!, he thought as he walked up to her. Once there he looked deep into her eyes and spoke his voice thick with unshed emotion.
"We need to talk, Sakura I-I know." He didn't know if she would understand what he had said but then he saw her eyes widen with fear and tears begin to form in them. Reaching out he tried to take her hand in his but she quickly pulled it out of his grasp. It was as if she thought herself to dirty for him to touch. He closed his eyes as he felt a shoot of pain in his heart at that thought.
"Come," She said in a shaky voice, "We can talk in the kitchen." When they walked in they both spotted Kero sitting on a kitchen counter munching on oreos. So far he had eaten the cream out of half a package and had a pile of empty chocolate husks in front of him.
"Kero can you please take your project to another room, Syaoran and I need to talk." Kero humped and was about to argue but something in Sakura's eyes must of stopped him for he suddenly frowned and after swiping up all of his oreos left the kitchen for parts unknown. Once the stuffed animal was gone Sakura swiftly turned to him her expression one of fear and anger.
"How did you find out?" She asked swallowing hard. Taking a deep breath Syaoran got ready to spill his guts knowing it would probably cause Sakura to hate him.
"Well you wouldn't tell me what was wrong so I-I snuck into your room and took your diary, I know it was wrong but I couldn't stand to see that empty scared look in your eyes day after day without knowing why, when I uh, read what you had written I could not believe it, I thought that Tashi was my friend and that I could trust him, but after the way he hurt you all I want to do now is tear his guts out!"
"No!," Sakura's yelled at him grabbing on to his arm with trembling fingers. "You cannot, I do not want you to get hurt over one of my mistakes and shame Syaoran."
"Mistake for God's sake Sakura it wasn't your fault, it's not like you were a willing participant," Turning her too him he placed his hands on ether side of her face looking deep into her eyes. God he felt such anger right now, that she would think she did something wrong. She had been the innocent, Tashi had taken advantage of her. She had never been in the wrong.
"I will never think poorly of you because of this and your damm right I want to go after him, he hurt you Sakura and when anyone hurts you they hurt me, I love you Sakura."
She slowly shook her head as if to say she didn't believe him all the while tears and hope shone in her eyes. Not knowing any other way to make her believe him he slowly brought her face close to his and bending down he gently kissed her lips. He worshipped her mouth in just the few seconds the kiss lasted trying to show how much he loved her in that one gesture. After he lifted his head Sakura had a look of wonder in her eyes. In amazement she touched her fingers to her lips as if not quite believing she had been kissed by him. And then she smiled, oh Lord, he thought, she smiled. The most amazing smile he had ever seen. The smile lit up her face bringing back some of the old Sakura in her and some hope in Syaoran.
"You love me?" She asked as if not quite sure she had heard right.
"Yes I love you I have loved you since the first day I met you and I still love you now no matter what has happened." Her face clouded slightly at the mention of what they had been discussing.
She frowned slightly as she spoke her next words to him.
"I-I love you too Syaoran but I just don't know if I'm good enough for you, I want to try though, to try to prove my worthiness to you."
Syaoran smiled and sighed at the same time. Well it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear but it was a start. She had told him she loved him, now if he could only show her how worthy she was of him and how wonderful she was. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her toward him. She smiled and sighing laid her head on his chest snuggling against him.
"You don't know how safe I feel with you." Syaoran swallowed hard at her statement for at that moment he swore he felt a strong but evil force near them. Tightening his hold on Sakura he looked around him trying to find the sources location. He felt terror rise in him when he realized the source was coming from the tree outside of Sakura's house that stood right underneath Sakura's bedroom window.