Chapter
Two:
He had been wrong. It had indeed
been a long day. Syaoran had three classes, sitting behind Sakura and a lunch
period also where he saw her. But he didn't sit with her during lunch. He hung
out with Yamazaki and now that he thought about, why did he hang out
with the Boy of Tall Tales? He pulled out his stuff from his locker, sighing to
himself, and suddenly became aware of the eyes on him. He lifted wide eyes
toward the locker and then slowly turned to look into Tomoyo's angry face.
He yelped like a little girl,
staggering backward, clutching his backpack to himself like a lifeline.
"Daidouji-san…"
"Li-kun." she said in a soft,
very firm tone. "What is going on?"
Syaoran smiled weakly,
chuckling. "Nani..?" he asked in a quaky voice.
Tomoyo stared at him for another
moment, an eyebrow lifted, and then the expression just melted away and she
tilted her head, smiling cheerfully.
Syaoran took another step back.
"Your day is almost up, Li-kun."
She said slowly, as if he needed to be reminded. Reminded and reprimanded.
"Once this day is up there's nothing stopping Eriol-kun-"
"There was nothing stopping Eriol-kun
today!" Syaoran threw back, feeling a bit more power now that they were on a
topic he loved to quarrel about. "What was that flower thing?"
"He gave her a flower." Tomoyo
said, shrugging innocently. "He always gives her flowers-"
"It wasn't just a flower,
Daidouji-san! It was a pass. It was a border he wasn't allowed to cross today.
And I found it the slightest bit unfair." Syaoran opened his locker once more,
depositing a few things and then slamming it shut in quiet anger.
Tomoyo gazed at him as he bowed
his head, staring with an unseeing gaze toward the foot of the locker. "It was
nothing." She said quietly. "And if you let something like that affect you then
you won't win this. You will lose her-"
"Don't you think I know that?" he shouted, swinging angrily and connecting his fist with the locker door. He snapped his head to look at her, brown locks falling across his furrowed forehead. "Don't you think I understand-"
"No!" she cried, causing him to
pause as her eyes widened to round circles. She unconsciously lifted her hands,
clasping them together to her chest. "No! I don't think you understand. Because
if you did you wouldn't be here! You wouldn't be wasting time calmly
putting things away in your locker! You'd be walking her home! You'd be talking
to her right now instead of arguing with me!"
Syaoran stared at her
wordlessly, blinking slowly, almost warily. Then he looked at his locker once
more and lifted a hand to the face of the door, fingering the dent he had made
in the metal. He inhaled deeply, thoughtfully.
Tomoyo continued to look at him
expectantly.
And he chuckled once more, this
time humorlessly. "You know…nothing really scares me, Daidouji-san." He
suddenly said quietly, so quietly she almost had to strain to hear him in the
silence of the corridor. "Nothing has scared me for quite some time. When Yue
fought me, for the cards…" he shook his head. "I wasn't scared. I knew I had to
pass the test to own the cards so it was more a mission. No time for me to
think about being scared." He swallowed, still focused on the locker but his
mind was far away, so very far away. "And yet, when Yue fought…Sakura…" he
winced, jaw clenching, "I was scared. I was scared for her. It wasn't the first
time I worried about her but it was the first time I made myself realize that I
was scared for her. Because I didn't think she was strong enough…" he paused,
hesitating, "and because…I didn't want to forget."
Tomoyo sagged against the locker
beside her. "Forget…" she murmured.
Syaoran nodded, faintly. "That
was the price, remember? If she failed that was the consequence. To forget." He
breathed hoarsely, chest rising almost painfully. "And I couldn't have survived
that, I wouldn't have been able to because I keep telling myself that, as
stupid as it sounds, I would have remembered. I would have felt, somehow, that
there was something I was missing and, in due time, it would've kill me." He stopped,
lips pressing into a tight line as he nodded once more. "I know it would've."
Tomoyo swallowed inaudibly,
gazing at him. "Why…are you telling me this, Li-kun?" she asked him.
Syaoran refocused then, on the
locker and, it seemed, on the matter at hand. "Because this scares me,
Daidouji-san." He finally said, stepping back safely from the locker. And he
looked at her, facing her. "This scares me, knowing that if I do something, I
risk the chance of losing her. And if I don't…" he laughed, shaking his head,
"I risk the chance of losing her…"
Tomoyo took a step closer, also
pulling away from the locker. "Does it scare you to know that you might lose
her to Eriol-kun?" she asked.
Syaoran hesitated, looking
genuinely baffled. Then he tilted his head, eyes narrowing thoughtfully.
"Strangely enough…no." he answered slowly. "Because I know that should he win
this, he'd do a better job protecting her than I would."
Tomoyo shook her head. "No,
Li-kun-"
Syaoran backed away another step
and then just turned away, collecting his things.
"Li-kun…" she continued,
reaching out to grasp his shoulder, to stop him. "Listen to me. I always told
myself, and anyone who would listen, that if the person I came to love loved
someone else, I would be happy. I would be happy they were happy-"
"I agree." Syaoran said simply,
still focused on shoving things into his backpack.
"Pay attention!" she ordered,
finally causing him to pause and look at her. "I always felt this. But it never
stopped hurting." She said and he focused on her, frowning, as tears rose in
her eyes. She felt them, felt them sting her eyes but she kept going, not
caring if those tears fell. "Sakura is waiting for someone. She doesn't know it
but I do. Because I know what it feels like, to wait for someone. I know what a
person looks like when they wait for someone, the kind of expression they have
on their face, the way their voice sounds when they are looking. Even when they
don't know they're looking. I know."
Syaoran straightened, all
attention on her at last.
She smiled slowly, faintly, at
him. "You're not waiting, Li-kun." She said. "Because you know. You
know. I know. Eriol-kun knows." And she said, hesitantly, "Sakura does not."
Syaoran nodded in understand.
"And it's because she's so
damn…dense!" Tomoyo said, shaking her head almost impatiently. "She doesn't
know what she wants and she doesn't know what's in her grasp because she
doesn't see herself deserving of it. Which is why you're here. To show her that
she is."
Silence descended then, between
them, as Syaoran merely stared at her. He let go of his backpack, allowing it
to sag onto the bench and then looked passed Tomoyo towards the window. It was
a clear day outside, class having been over for more than half an hour. He
trudged towards the windows slowly, walking passed Tomoyo and she followed him
with her gaze, turning with him.
Outside, down below, the school
cheerleaders were practicing their warm ups and stretches, some split into
groups and others by themselves.
Syaoran's eyes caught on Sakura
as she bent over, reaching toward her feet.
"Why do I feel as if…you've
given up on her?" Tomoyo asked from close by and she was standing just a bit
behind him, like a hovering shadow.
Syaoran shook his head, still
gazing at the Card Mistress. "I'd never do that." He replied, pausing. And with
a sigh he backed away a step. "I'd just give up on myself."
"You're a coward." Tomoyo said
quietly and he looked at her, caught by surprise. Her dark eyes were moist with
emotion, lips quivering the slightest bit. "Nothing but a coward." And she spun
and fled, vanishing out the door.
He stared after her, struck
dumb. Maybe he was a coward. Maybe he never had deserved her. He hadn't
deserved the Clow Cards.
Outside, Sakura rose, stretching
luxuriously and the sun shone in her hair, painting it copper. His expression
softened as he allowed himself to gaze at her, allowed himself to wonder what
would have been different had he been chosen to own the cards. Would he have
ever come to realize how important Sakura was?
Sakura lifted a hand and waved.
Syaoran recoiled, cursing
himself for having let his guard down. But he waved back nonetheless and smiled
sadly. Could he be anymore obvious?
Something too big to be a bug
suddenly flew at the window, crashing into the glass. Syaoran jumped back,
yelping and then paused, leaning in closer to stare suspiciously as the
creature remained stuck there.
"Hey, brat!" Kero mumbled,
stuffed animal lips pressed to the glass as he smiled.
Syaoran shivered before merely
turning away, pulling his things together and retreating with a wary glance
behind him.
Kero pulled back from the glass,
tiny wings holding him in mid-air. "I get no respect." He sighed before turning
and flying back towards Sakura's backpack.