*One Headlight*
Part 4
AnimeCat: I am SOOO sorry about the wait! Writers block is killer, and I've been working on some other fics I'll be posting soon. This is the finale….enjoy!
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~ Hey, come on try a little,
Nothin' is forever, ~
AC 205
Yuuki again turned to him. "What happened?" The young man asked suddenly. "I don't get it….she never stopped talking about you, 'Trowa this, Nanashi that'…and suddenly you take her on a trip and she shows up at my door crying her head off."
A lump formed in Trowa's throat. He couldn't talk about it, it hurt…God it hurt. The memory of his damned overreaction stung harshly. The past always comes back, it doesn't stay history.
~ There's got to be somethin' better than
In the middle ~
"I….can't…" Trowa croaked. Yuuki studied his face.
"Yeah…" The blonde looked away. "Hey, you know you can stay…but it's not a good idea to come with us later, though…Risou really wouldn't like it."
Trowa nodded. "It's ok….I'll leave in a little while…"
He looked down at the small little box Yuuki had handed him again, and his hands trembled. Images of her crying face surfaced in his head, the memory of his bitter voice unyielding to her pain.
~ But me and Cinderella
We put it all together ~
Yuuki placed his hand on Trowa's shoulder before he stepped back to Risou.
"Look…you made her happier than she ever could have imagined." Yuuki locked eyes with him. Silver tears streaked down his face. Trowa stopped breathing completely. "I'm not saying that to make it hurt more, believe me. She didn't die miserable, hating you. S-she," His voice shook, and tears erupted from his eyes but the boy struggled to continue, "she loved you….I think in some way you kept her alive…she used to say sometimes, when she was sad, that since she'd done all she could, what else was there? S-sh-she never s-smiled a l-lot….but then after she m-met you ag-again…she never stopped…"
~ We can drive it home
With one headlight ~
AC 202
"The zoo?" He repeated quizzically. Midii smiled childishly.
"Ple-e-e-ease?" She pulled out the syllables. "I've never been to one!! I saw something yesterday about there being a zoo near here! Let's go see it!" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously until he was laughing hysterically at her efforts. She grinned. "Well, I'll take that as a yes!!"
~~~~~
~ Well, this place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn ~
Trowa had made some kind of habit out of watching her face. He couldn't help it…he loved her smile. Now as she watched lions laze about the cage, smiling softly as cubs pounced on each other in mock-fights, he watched her, hardly daring to breath….lest this perfect image be shattered.
"Aren't they cute?" She asked him suddenly, breaking the reverie. She gestured towards the cubs. He shot his head in that direction but wasn't really looking.
"Yeah….adorable." He agreed. Midii turned to him and grinned.
"Don't think I can't see you, Trowa Barton." She taunted. He flushed a dark red. "Normally I'd be a little creeped out with guys staring at me like you do…" She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "But since it is you…I guess I don't mind so much…"
There was a quiet moment as Trowa dealt with his embarrassment and she continued watching the cubs. "Now seriously, aren't they adorable?" She said sweetly, making little bubbling sounds at the cubs. Curiously, one came a little closer to the secondary fence three feet from them, put up to insure safety to visitors. "Aww!!" She gushed.
"Hi, little guy…" Trowa said softly to it. The small thing nervously crept forward, but now coming towards Trowa. "Hey there…"
Midii pouted. "Lucky…" She whined as it came ever closer, now only a few feet from them.
Trowa grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Midii…I have this thing with animals…" He apologized. She smiled and shrugged, but inched closer to him and leaned onto the railing, putting her chin into her hands.
"It's fine….actually I think I'd be a tad nervous with Big Momma over there," She pointed at one of the lionesses eyeing him, giving him a look that just dared him to touch her cub. One that plainly said, "Touch the kid and we'll play fetch with your arms and legs."
~ Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes,
This place is always such a mess, ~
Taking the hint, Trowa took a step from the railing, smiling. He looked up at the sunny sky, glare burning into his pupils but the clear sky was simply too beautiful to look away. Midii still made gushy little sounds at the baby lion as Trowa aimlessly stared at the sky, bewildered at his sudden fascination at it. It was just so perfect…too perfect.
His memories of the earth included days like this…starting out with a beautiful sun and a wondrous breeze…but ending with a sunset on bloody fields. He shuddered. To him, the sunlight felt like the blaze of fire. The beautiful sea of blue sky just made him feel further from home than he'd ever been.
~ Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn ~
On earth…he was everything and nothing. He had been a Gundam pilot, someone jointly responsible for saving the earth from a violent end, but still unknown by the world. He was using a strangers name….but it was his name now. He was Trowa Barton now.
~ I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else, ~
"Hungry?" Her voice broke out. He looked to her, nodding.
"Sure…" He looked around. "Things are kind of expensive around here…how does pizza sound?"
She smiled. "Great!"
The crowds that passed them found amusement as they walked past the twittering couple…
"Pepperoni."
"Cheese."
"Pepperoni."
"Rock, paper, scissors…"
"Damn."
~~~~~
Midii sat back, finished with her slice of cheese pizza.
"I swear, you can read minds." Trowa huffed, pouting a little over his loss.
She grinned. "Trowa…I don't need to…you always choose scissors." She giggled for a moment. Her gaze passed over him…he'd hardly eaten. He'd been a little out of it for a while, kind of dazed. "Is the heat getting to you, Trowa?" She asked, concerned. He looked up at her, briefly startled. He cocked his head to the side, as if trying to figure out what she was talking about.
"No…it's not that." He shook his head.
"Are you tired?" She probed further, trying to get some response from him. He shook his head, but there was no response. "Nanashi? Are you ok?"
Life sparked in his distant eyes. But she didn't like the look, not one bit.
"Please don't call me that anymore, Midii." He said tensely. Midii felt a little taken aback with his tone.
"Er….why not? You never minded before…" She said curiously.
Inside, Trowa was enraged…and for no reason he could find. It was….just….that nickname….he couldn't handle it. Not here, not in this private hell of his. He had a name…that was it. He wasn't No-Name anymore…and now it infuriated him to hear that word…as if it was some disgusting insult to him.
His hands were shaking.
"Trowa?!" She yelped. "God, what's wrong?"
He wasn't the soldier with no name anymore….he wasn't!!!
Trowa shook his head, shaking away the memories…the screams…her face… That name brought it back… It combined his anger with what had happened between them as children to what had happened here on earth…everything he had done, and everything she had done.
That's what "Nanashi" was to him…
"That's not who I am anymore…" He continued, biting down hard on his tone.
~ Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here inbetween
These city walls of dyin' dreams ~
"I know that…" Midii said softly. "It's…just a nickname…just how I'm used to seeing you…"
His eyes leveled with hers. "That's how you see me?" He asked bitterly. "Nanashi? No-Name? No past, no future? Just the little soldier who trusted you?!"
Midii jumped back, horrified. "No…that's not what I meant!"
"Must be a family thing, right?" He continued, his voice hateful. "First you, little innocent-looking Midii Une, betrays me and the only people I'd ever known, then her little brother goes and does the same."
Her eyes were quivering with tears. "I don't…understand…" She whispered, shaking.
"I can't do this anymore." Trowa said coldly. "I can't pretend nothing happened. It happened and its over, but the past comes back."
He got up, his chair screeching against the floor loudly. "I guess I loved you too, that day. That's why I didn't kill you. And I guess I still do." Trowa choked up the words, and they were bitter on his lips. "But I can't take it. I'm still empty, nothing's gonna change that. You still see me as Nanashi…and I can't deal with it."
He turned away.
"Trowa!! Oh God, what--?!"
But he continued walking.
~ I think her death, it must be killin' me ~
AC 202
~ Hey, come on try a little,
Nothin' is forever, ~
Slowly he opened the box. His breath caught in his chest at the sight of the small gold chain. He lifted it up, bringing out the small golden cross…a gift from beyond the grave…
~ There's got to be somethin' better than
In the middle ~
"Oh my God…" He whispered. Underneath, was a folded paper. Holding the cross, he let the box drop as he opened the note.
Trowa-
I'm sorry…I knew better. I don't know what happened that day, and I don't care…I love you…I have since the first day, and I have since then. I know you're not Nanashi. Nanashi was empty, and Trowa Barton isn't. I never blamed you for what happened.
Trowa, you had a horrible past…make yourself a better future. And according to my doctor, I probably wouldn't have been part of it anyway. Just look to the stars, smile, and think of me sometime, ok?
I'll always love you, Midii Une
~ But me and Cinderella
We put it all together ~
Trowa looked up at the sun… "You are the stars," He whispered…
~ We can drive it home
With one headlight ~
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