Title: Anytime
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Rating: R
Category: Jake/Hamilton; future-fic
Spoilers: A few little ones for the season finale that I've heard about so far. Mostly Bella/Scout stuff.
Summary: A letter from an old friend makes Jacqueline Pratt think about the past . . . and yearn for what she's lost.
Author's Notes: The lyrics belong to Brian McKnight. My roommate downloaded the song to my computer and the more I listened to it, the more a story started to tell itself in my head.
Thanks: Brian McKnight for the lovely, sad lyrics; Candice for downloading unwanted things to my computer (haha), and my wondrous beta readers for services rendered. Oh, and the gals at the Hamilton_Jake list for all the fanfic that inspires the hell out of me! ;-)
Feedback: Please!!! I'm pretty sure where I'm going with this but it would still be helpful to get some opinions. And, of course, if it sucks too badly then you should all let me know so I can stop torturing you, lol.
----------------------------------
Part 3
"Hey Ham, over here!" he heard as he got off the plane at Logan International. He looked in the direction of the voice and saw Scout walking towards him with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey buddy!" Hamilton greeted him as he hugged his old friend and slapped him on the back.
"Great to see you, man. How was your flight?" Scout asked as they began to walk through the airport together.
"Not bad, just a little turbulence, but nothing awful. I made it anyway," he said with a slight grin.
"Well, I'm glad of that," Scout said.
"So, you getting excited about the big day?"
"Yeah, and nervous as hell!" he laughed. "I've only been dating Bella for what, twelve years now? You'd think that marrying her would be a piece of cake at this point."
"Love always makes you nervous. That just means you've found the right person," Hamilton advised. He looked rather sad as he said this and Scout nodded solemnly.
"She's coming, you know," he said.
"Yeah, Bella told me," he nodded.
"So, are you going to ask her?" Scout questioned.
Hamilton shrugged. "I dunno, man. I mean, she's kept her reasons for leaving a secret from me for so long now . . . I just think if she wanted to tell me that she'd have done it by now. I guess I just screwed up." His face fell as he talked about her; it was obvious how much he still loved Jake Pratt, even after all these years.
"She still cares about you," Scout said with a sureness to his voice. "She's never found anyone else in all this time . . . that says something."
Hamilton shrugged again and the two kept walking. It'd been a long time and Hamilton had gotten his hopes up about a reconciliation with Jake too many times in the past to let himself feel that disappointment again. He knew deep down that he would never stop loving her, but he had decided a long time ago that if they were ever going to have a second chance, then she would have to make the first move.
* * * * *
"So, where's he staying anyway?" Jake asked as she stood in the kitchen of Scout's house with Bella. Bella had been living in Hartford for a few years, but she and Scout had decided to live together in Boston after they got married. She had already transferred there and would start back to work there when she returned from her honeymoon.
"Here, of course," she told Jake as she put away the clean dishes they'd just washed from lunch.
Jake nearly choked on her tea. "Um, excuse me? Here? In this house? Dammit Bella, why didn't you tell me sooner?" she demanded.
"I assumed you knew," she said in her own defense. "I mean, he's one of Scout's best friends. He *is* Scout's best friend, aside from Will, and Will already lives here. We have three bedrooms so we just figured it would be easier for you to both stay here."
"Bella, why are you doing this?" Jake wanted to know.
"Doing what, Jake? You know, it's been a long time. I know that what happened in high school was hard for you and I know that it wasn't easy for you to leave Hamilton . . . and I know that you did what you had to do for yourself. But, I also know that you never stopped loving him and he feels the same way about you. He's tried to get in touch with you so many times over the years . . . can't you just give him another chance finally?"
"I would love to, Bella, I really would. It's just . . . if I see him then I'll have to tell him the truth and . . . I just don't know if I can . . . even now," she admitted.
"J, I know it hurts, but I think that telling him is exactly what you need. And no matter what happens between you two afterwards, I think you'll both be the better for it. The truth can't hide forever . . . you need to face it and move on. You both do."
She looked up at Bella and she couldn't dispute what her friend had said. Jake knew that she was right. She'd known it for years now. But, the question was, how did she tell him? How, after all these years, did she tell Hamilton her big secret . . . and how was he going to react?
She knew she'd just have to wait and see.
* * * * *
**Flashback**
Ten years earlier
"What do you mean, 'he's gone'? Gone where?" Hamilton demanded as he sat in his father's office.
"Son, I don't have any idea. All I know is that Mr. Pratt is no longer enrolled at Rawley Academy. If I knew anything else then I would tell you." Dean Fleming could see that his son was upset about his friend's sudden departure and he wished he had more answers for the boy. "Hamilton, I promise to let you know if I hear anything more, okay?"
"Yeah, sure dad, thanks," Hamilton said absently as he turned to leave. He had already tuned his father out; his mind solely concentrated on the fact that Jake was no longer a student at Rawley. She really was gone.
**End Flashback**
* * * * *
"Hey sweetie, I'm so glad you made it in," Bella gushed as she hugged Hamilton the minute he walked in the front door with Scout. "I haven't seen you in months either," she chided. "You really have to make it out to visit us more often."
"I'll do my best, Bella, I promise," he assured her. She answered him with a sweet smile. He was looking around the house, trying to be casual but his intent was all too clear.
"She's upstairs," Bella told him.
"Who?" Hamilton asked, trying to act as though he had no clue who she could be talking about.
"You know very well who," she replied knowingly. "Go on up and talk to her; get it over with. She already knows that you're coming."
"You don't think . . . maybe she'd rather see me with you guys here, too?" he asked cautiously.
"I think it'd be better if it were just the two of you," she told him.
He nodded, looking towards the stairs. "Okay, wish me luck."
Bella and Scout watched from the living room as he started upstairs. She squeezed Scout's hand . . . and hoped for the best.
* * * * *
:::Knock, knock, knock:::
"Come in," Jake called from inside the guest room. She'd heard them come in and listened to the conversation that had gone on in the living room. She was already well-aware of who stood on the other side of the door. And she knew that it was finally time to face him at last.
"Hello Jake," Hamilton said as he entered the bedroom. He closed the door quietly behind him and looked at her carefully. "You look . . . just like I remember," he smiled softly.
"I doubt that very much," she replied with a smile of her own.
"No, really . . . you're as beautiful as you were the day I met you," he said.
"The day you met me you thought I was a guy," she reminded him.
"A beautiful guy," he smirked.
She laughed a little and said, "Same old Hamilton."
He moved closer to where she stood by the window and just shook his head, his small half-smile never fading. He looked amazed . . . simply astounded that they were finally in the same room together again. "It's been so long, Jake," he whispered.
"I know . . . I'm sorry about that," she said.
"Me too," he replied.
"Um . . . let's sit down," she suggested. They moved to the bed and sat at opposite ends facing one another. "You're looking really good, Ham. I hear you're still taking pictures."
"Yeah, you know, it's always been my passion. Well, one of them, anyway," he said meaningfully. She swallowed hard and just nodded. "What about you? Bella said something about the New York Times."
"Yeah, I guess I underestimated my writing skills. Or they overestimated them. Either way, at least I'm gainfully employed so . . ."
"I'm sure you're wonderful. I'd love to read some of your work."
"I've seen a few of your pictures. You're still so good," she said.
He smiled a little and gave a nod to the compliment, then he fell silent. She was about to ask him another question to continue the small talk when he finally spoke first. "Jake, what happened ten years ago?"
Her breath caught in her throat at the question and for a minute she couldn't breathe. "Um . . . I, uh, I guess I owe you an explanation," she said.
"You don't owe me anything . . . but I'd like to know. I'd like for you to tell me. You used to be able to tell me anything and then . . . I just don't know what I did wrong," he admitted. With those words he sounded so small, so fragile and hurt that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She hadn't fully realized until that moment just what her leaving had done to him. She had shattered him . . . and he had never been the same since she left him.
"It's a very long story . . . one you aren't going to like," she warned him.
"Anything is better than nothing at all, Jake. One day I find you crying in your dorm room floor and the next I find all of your things gone and my father is telling me that you aren't a student at Rawley anymore. You just vanished without so much as a goodbye. You never returned my calls; my letters came back unopened; my emails went unanswered. I didn't know what to think, Jake. I had no idea what I'd done."
"Oh Hamilton . . ." she said in a pained voice. "It wasn't you . . . it was me. You didn't *do* anything, I just couldn't stay there."
"But *why*?" he wanted to know.
She sighed, knowing that only the truth would answer all his questions. She had to tell him . . . even if it meant he would hate her forever. She owed him this, no matter what he might say to the contrary.
"The day before I left, the day that you found me crying in my bedroom floor . . . I went somewhere that day. I wasn't in class. I'm not sure if you remember that, but I wasn't. I was with Bella. She drove me fifty miles away that morning to a town I'd never been to. We went there . . . we went to see a doctor. What I found out that day is why I left. I left because . . . because I was pregnant," she finally managed to say.
She couldn't look up at him as she finally revealed this long hidden secret. She just stared at her hands and listened for his response.
"I . . . I . . . you were . . . Jake, I never . . . I mean, no one knew? No one?"
"Just Bella, and I swore her to secrecy," Jake answered.
"Yeah, she always told me that it was your secret to tell. I just . . . this is the last thing I would have thought. I mean, I always just assumed that it had been something *I* did that made you leave. I never stopped to think that . . . God, Jake, how could you not tell me that?" he asked accusingly. He was starting to get angry now in spite of himself.
"I'm sorry," was all that she could say.
"Sorry . . . all this time and you're sorry," he repeated. He got up from the bed and paced the small room for a moment. "I . . . I just don't know what to say," he admitted.
"I didn't do it to hurt you, Hamilton. I was only trying to protect you. I thought that by not telling you about it I could somehow keep you from being hurt." One look into his eyes then, though, and she could see that she had done anything but spare him pain. He looked like someone had just taken away everything in the world that he had ever loved. And she had; Jacqueline Pratt had just, with a few simple words, changed everything about life that Hamilton Fleming thought he knew.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly as he turned to leave. "I just . . . I can't do this. I can't be here with you right now . . . I can't." And, with that, he was gone. And Jake began to cry.
* * * * *
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Rating: R
Category: Jake/Hamilton; future-fic
Spoilers: A few little ones for the season finale that I've heard about so far. Mostly Bella/Scout stuff.
Summary: A letter from an old friend makes Jacqueline Pratt think about the past . . . and yearn for what she's lost.
Author's Notes: The lyrics belong to Brian McKnight. My roommate downloaded the song to my computer and the more I listened to it, the more a story started to tell itself in my head.
Thanks: Brian McKnight for the lovely, sad lyrics; Candice for downloading unwanted things to my computer (haha), and my wondrous beta readers for services rendered. Oh, and the gals at the Hamilton_Jake list for all the fanfic that inspires the hell out of me! ;-)
Feedback: Please!!! I'm pretty sure where I'm going with this but it would still be helpful to get some opinions. And, of course, if it sucks too badly then you should all let me know so I can stop torturing you, lol.
----------------------------------
Part 3
"Hey Ham, over here!" he heard as he got off the plane at Logan International. He looked in the direction of the voice and saw Scout walking towards him with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey buddy!" Hamilton greeted him as he hugged his old friend and slapped him on the back.
"Great to see you, man. How was your flight?" Scout asked as they began to walk through the airport together.
"Not bad, just a little turbulence, but nothing awful. I made it anyway," he said with a slight grin.
"Well, I'm glad of that," Scout said.
"So, you getting excited about the big day?"
"Yeah, and nervous as hell!" he laughed. "I've only been dating Bella for what, twelve years now? You'd think that marrying her would be a piece of cake at this point."
"Love always makes you nervous. That just means you've found the right person," Hamilton advised. He looked rather sad as he said this and Scout nodded solemnly.
"She's coming, you know," he said.
"Yeah, Bella told me," he nodded.
"So, are you going to ask her?" Scout questioned.
Hamilton shrugged. "I dunno, man. I mean, she's kept her reasons for leaving a secret from me for so long now . . . I just think if she wanted to tell me that she'd have done it by now. I guess I just screwed up." His face fell as he talked about her; it was obvious how much he still loved Jake Pratt, even after all these years.
"She still cares about you," Scout said with a sureness to his voice. "She's never found anyone else in all this time . . . that says something."
Hamilton shrugged again and the two kept walking. It'd been a long time and Hamilton had gotten his hopes up about a reconciliation with Jake too many times in the past to let himself feel that disappointment again. He knew deep down that he would never stop loving her, but he had decided a long time ago that if they were ever going to have a second chance, then she would have to make the first move.
* * * * *
"So, where's he staying anyway?" Jake asked as she stood in the kitchen of Scout's house with Bella. Bella had been living in Hartford for a few years, but she and Scout had decided to live together in Boston after they got married. She had already transferred there and would start back to work there when she returned from her honeymoon.
"Here, of course," she told Jake as she put away the clean dishes they'd just washed from lunch.
Jake nearly choked on her tea. "Um, excuse me? Here? In this house? Dammit Bella, why didn't you tell me sooner?" she demanded.
"I assumed you knew," she said in her own defense. "I mean, he's one of Scout's best friends. He *is* Scout's best friend, aside from Will, and Will already lives here. We have three bedrooms so we just figured it would be easier for you to both stay here."
"Bella, why are you doing this?" Jake wanted to know.
"Doing what, Jake? You know, it's been a long time. I know that what happened in high school was hard for you and I know that it wasn't easy for you to leave Hamilton . . . and I know that you did what you had to do for yourself. But, I also know that you never stopped loving him and he feels the same way about you. He's tried to get in touch with you so many times over the years . . . can't you just give him another chance finally?"
"I would love to, Bella, I really would. It's just . . . if I see him then I'll have to tell him the truth and . . . I just don't know if I can . . . even now," she admitted.
"J, I know it hurts, but I think that telling him is exactly what you need. And no matter what happens between you two afterwards, I think you'll both be the better for it. The truth can't hide forever . . . you need to face it and move on. You both do."
She looked up at Bella and she couldn't dispute what her friend had said. Jake knew that she was right. She'd known it for years now. But, the question was, how did she tell him? How, after all these years, did she tell Hamilton her big secret . . . and how was he going to react?
She knew she'd just have to wait and see.
* * * * *
**Flashback**
Ten years earlier
"What do you mean, 'he's gone'? Gone where?" Hamilton demanded as he sat in his father's office.
"Son, I don't have any idea. All I know is that Mr. Pratt is no longer enrolled at Rawley Academy. If I knew anything else then I would tell you." Dean Fleming could see that his son was upset about his friend's sudden departure and he wished he had more answers for the boy. "Hamilton, I promise to let you know if I hear anything more, okay?"
"Yeah, sure dad, thanks," Hamilton said absently as he turned to leave. He had already tuned his father out; his mind solely concentrated on the fact that Jake was no longer a student at Rawley. She really was gone.
**End Flashback**
* * * * *
"Hey sweetie, I'm so glad you made it in," Bella gushed as she hugged Hamilton the minute he walked in the front door with Scout. "I haven't seen you in months either," she chided. "You really have to make it out to visit us more often."
"I'll do my best, Bella, I promise," he assured her. She answered him with a sweet smile. He was looking around the house, trying to be casual but his intent was all too clear.
"She's upstairs," Bella told him.
"Who?" Hamilton asked, trying to act as though he had no clue who she could be talking about.
"You know very well who," she replied knowingly. "Go on up and talk to her; get it over with. She already knows that you're coming."
"You don't think . . . maybe she'd rather see me with you guys here, too?" he asked cautiously.
"I think it'd be better if it were just the two of you," she told him.
He nodded, looking towards the stairs. "Okay, wish me luck."
Bella and Scout watched from the living room as he started upstairs. She squeezed Scout's hand . . . and hoped for the best.
* * * * *
:::Knock, knock, knock:::
"Come in," Jake called from inside the guest room. She'd heard them come in and listened to the conversation that had gone on in the living room. She was already well-aware of who stood on the other side of the door. And she knew that it was finally time to face him at last.
"Hello Jake," Hamilton said as he entered the bedroom. He closed the door quietly behind him and looked at her carefully. "You look . . . just like I remember," he smiled softly.
"I doubt that very much," she replied with a smile of her own.
"No, really . . . you're as beautiful as you were the day I met you," he said.
"The day you met me you thought I was a guy," she reminded him.
"A beautiful guy," he smirked.
She laughed a little and said, "Same old Hamilton."
He moved closer to where she stood by the window and just shook his head, his small half-smile never fading. He looked amazed . . . simply astounded that they were finally in the same room together again. "It's been so long, Jake," he whispered.
"I know . . . I'm sorry about that," she said.
"Me too," he replied.
"Um . . . let's sit down," she suggested. They moved to the bed and sat at opposite ends facing one another. "You're looking really good, Ham. I hear you're still taking pictures."
"Yeah, you know, it's always been my passion. Well, one of them, anyway," he said meaningfully. She swallowed hard and just nodded. "What about you? Bella said something about the New York Times."
"Yeah, I guess I underestimated my writing skills. Or they overestimated them. Either way, at least I'm gainfully employed so . . ."
"I'm sure you're wonderful. I'd love to read some of your work."
"I've seen a few of your pictures. You're still so good," she said.
He smiled a little and gave a nod to the compliment, then he fell silent. She was about to ask him another question to continue the small talk when he finally spoke first. "Jake, what happened ten years ago?"
Her breath caught in her throat at the question and for a minute she couldn't breathe. "Um . . . I, uh, I guess I owe you an explanation," she said.
"You don't owe me anything . . . but I'd like to know. I'd like for you to tell me. You used to be able to tell me anything and then . . . I just don't know what I did wrong," he admitted. With those words he sounded so small, so fragile and hurt that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She hadn't fully realized until that moment just what her leaving had done to him. She had shattered him . . . and he had never been the same since she left him.
"It's a very long story . . . one you aren't going to like," she warned him.
"Anything is better than nothing at all, Jake. One day I find you crying in your dorm room floor and the next I find all of your things gone and my father is telling me that you aren't a student at Rawley anymore. You just vanished without so much as a goodbye. You never returned my calls; my letters came back unopened; my emails went unanswered. I didn't know what to think, Jake. I had no idea what I'd done."
"Oh Hamilton . . ." she said in a pained voice. "It wasn't you . . . it was me. You didn't *do* anything, I just couldn't stay there."
"But *why*?" he wanted to know.
She sighed, knowing that only the truth would answer all his questions. She had to tell him . . . even if it meant he would hate her forever. She owed him this, no matter what he might say to the contrary.
"The day before I left, the day that you found me crying in my bedroom floor . . . I went somewhere that day. I wasn't in class. I'm not sure if you remember that, but I wasn't. I was with Bella. She drove me fifty miles away that morning to a town I'd never been to. We went there . . . we went to see a doctor. What I found out that day is why I left. I left because . . . because I was pregnant," she finally managed to say.
She couldn't look up at him as she finally revealed this long hidden secret. She just stared at her hands and listened for his response.
"I . . . I . . . you were . . . Jake, I never . . . I mean, no one knew? No one?"
"Just Bella, and I swore her to secrecy," Jake answered.
"Yeah, she always told me that it was your secret to tell. I just . . . this is the last thing I would have thought. I mean, I always just assumed that it had been something *I* did that made you leave. I never stopped to think that . . . God, Jake, how could you not tell me that?" he asked accusingly. He was starting to get angry now in spite of himself.
"I'm sorry," was all that she could say.
"Sorry . . . all this time and you're sorry," he repeated. He got up from the bed and paced the small room for a moment. "I . . . I just don't know what to say," he admitted.
"I didn't do it to hurt you, Hamilton. I was only trying to protect you. I thought that by not telling you about it I could somehow keep you from being hurt." One look into his eyes then, though, and she could see that she had done anything but spare him pain. He looked like someone had just taken away everything in the world that he had ever loved. And she had; Jacqueline Pratt had just, with a few simple words, changed everything about life that Hamilton Fleming thought he knew.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly as he turned to leave. "I just . . . I can't do this. I can't be here with you right now . . . I can't." And, with that, he was gone. And Jake began to cry.
* * * * *