D+.
Pan stared at the grade indifferently. She didn't expect to score very high on the calculus quiz; in fact, she thought she'd do worse than she actually did. All the same, she didn't really care since it was just a stupid test on stupid calculus that would most likely not affect her life in anyway. But, she knew she could have done better had she bothered to study, or pay attention in class, but she couldn't. Not with him.
"Hi, Pan," Bra greeted cheerfully as the class filed out of the room and into the hall to their next period. "What'd you get? I got an A-. I think if I tried the extra credit I could have done better."
"I got a D-plus," Pan said.
"… Oh, well, I'm sure you'll try harder next time," she suggested, trying to say what a grown-up would. But then she blew it. "Man, you're dad's gonna kill you! When are you gonna show him??"
Her best friend shrugged. "I dunno. He might forget, but my mom won't. As soon as I walk through the door, she'll go 'How'd you do on your test, Pan?' and I'll have no choice but to show her."
"That's pretty sad."
"Yeah."
"I have a choir practice this afternoon, so I won't be seeing my parents until like seven."
"Really? Any chance I could watch or something?" she asked.
"Maybe."
"No, your mother's at the PTA meeting, why?" Gohan asked, not looking up from the computer screen as he typed figures in.
It was 7:30. Her father didn't really mind that she had been late watching Bra, as he'd just assumed she'd been out with some friends, possibly studying.
"Well, um, we kinda had a math test today," Pan stumbled. "And, well, I didn't score as high as I thought I would…"
"I'm sure you did fine. Let me see," he said as he stopped typing and got up from his chair.
"Ok…" She fumbled through her pack and retrieved the wrinkled piece of paper, then handed it to her father.
He stared at it a long moment before saying anything. When he did, it was very calm, and very quiet. "Do you think you could have done better?"
"Yes."
"What do you think we could do to improve this?"
"Um… I could study harder?" Pan was confused at her father's reaction.
"How about this. You let me get a tutor for you, and I won't tell your mother about this. Deal?"
A tutor! Pan thought. Does he think I'm stupid, just because of one grade? I'm not dumb! Erg... But, if he doesn't tell Mom, maybe it'll be worth it…
"Deal. But, Dad, we can't afford a tutor," she reminded.
"We'll figure out something." And with that, he went back to typing.
Matt?
Yes?
Are… Are you done?
He had stayed inside her nearly five minutes without making the slightest movement except in continuously kissing everywhere on her face except her lips. She was a bit surprised that he wasn't being at all rough with this, much more passionate than she would have thought capable of him.
I guess so.
He pulled out of her gently and sat at the side of the bed. He then looked her over, making sure he hadn't done any permanent damage and that she'd be ready for him the following night.
You're staying longer than usual. Why?
Well… That girl in South Korea? She freaked. I wasn't as careful as I should have been, and she went raving at some school of hers and now she's in some mental facility. A pity, really.
That's sad.
She scowled angrily. She didn't like Matt and she was certain she never would.
Well, that's how it usually ends. I can't do much with them when they have straight jackets on, so I have no choice but to abandon them and move on. Those who don't end up like that go suicidal. Always one of the two.
He sighed and closed his eyes, as if saddened by all the deaths, both physical and mental, he himself had caused. Pan almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
That's horrible. But you didn't have to abandon them. You could've stayed with them, maybe, comforted them. It's cruel of you to just ditch them like that. As for the suicide, if you didn't rape them in the first place, it wouldn't even have happened.
Do you presume that's news to me? I've been doing this a long time, Pan, I know what happened to them is my fault. But what happened to Marron and Krillen and 18, that was entirely yours.
A lump formed in Pan's throat and a glare passed over her face. She was always angry when someone mentioned them, especially when Matt blamed the entire occurrence on her. But she couldn't think of anything to say, because when she really thought of it, it was her fault.
I… I mean…
Look, I'm wasting time here, talking to you. I gotta go find a new girl. Later.
He disappeared, and Pan's clothing, as always, were instantly on her. He'd been so careful with her that night that he didn't even cause her to bleed.
She lay face up on her bed, and didn't cry. She didn't even turn Charlotte Church on. For once, she didn't need it.
Dear Diary,
I'll try to keep this entry short. Matt just left and it's nearly two. Again. This time my parents are asleep, thank Kami, and I hope neither of them will have to witness what I go through again, or else I'll end up in the mental hospital just like the girl from Korea.
Matt's being much more gentle with me recently. I think maybe if I keep up my good behavior, he'll go away? Maybe. I'm kinda mad at myself for giving in to him, I mean, after all I've been through, I can't stand up to a guy who doesn't even have a power level? Am I being a wimp?
Oh, and completely off the topic, Dad's getting me a tutor. Yeah. Just because I almost failed one test. And since we can't exactly afford one, he's probably gonna hire Bra or Mrs. Briefs or Grandma or someone else that'd be embarrassing. As if he can't tutor me himself.
I'm tired now. I think I'll play the CC CD tomorrow night really quietly, so Matt won't come. I'm really getting sick of him. But tonight we actually had a conversation more than four lines long. I think I'm becoming curious of him. Kami, help me; I think I have a crush!! Going out with him would be a fate worse than death… Am I going crazy? Am I a crazy, stupid wimp?!
This entry's longer than I wanted it and it probably doesn't even make sense. Oh well. Good night, Diary.
Pan