Part II
Buffy and Angel saw the change in mood across the room, and both were relieved with the result of the conversation their sensitive ears had allowed them to hear clearly. Buffy chuckled as Angel grumbled, "All this time, and he still won't stop calling me Dead Boy." Angel looked at her in annoyance, then turned as Willow walked over to them and gave Angel a quick hug, commenting, "Cordelia seems to be doing O.K. now," nodding over to where a normal amount of banter between Xander and Cordelia had begun. Buffy nodded and commented, "Xander rides to the rescue again," drawing laughs from Willow and Angel. Angel looked at Willow and asked, "Willow, could we speak privately for a moment?" Willow nodded and walked into the kitchen with Angel, leaving behind a curious Buffy.
When they were alone, Angel reached into his jacket and pulled out a letter, which he handed to Willow. He seemed to be about to explain, but Willow held up a hand: she could see the handwriting on the top was clearly Oz's. She opened the letter and began to read:
Dear Willow,
It has only been six weeks since I left, but it already seems like forever. I wish that I had better news, but I don't. Angel has helped me by finding me a safe place to stay and helping me to find research materials so that I can try to find a cure for my condition. . .so what happened will never happen again.
I'm not kidding myself: Giles warned me before I left, and Angel warned me when I told him what I wanted, that a cure for lycanthropy has been sought for centuries, and has either never been found or was lost some time in the past. I know that I'm going in the teeth of the advice that the two people who should know best have given me, but I refuse to quit: my motivation for continuing is too strong.
Not long ago, I had a foreboding that time was running out. . .that if I didn't find what I was looking for soon something catastrophic would happen. I can't be sure, but I think that what I feared was that I would lose you forever. Part of me wants to come back to you and to hell with the risk. . .but that isn't going to happen: I'd rather be dead myself than risk being the cause of your death. I didn't really understand how Angel could stand to leave Buffy until now, but the feeling I've had since I awakened after killing Veruca explains it to me completely: loving someone means wanting to keep them safe from harm. . .even if it means losing them. I'm going to take that risk now, Willow. If you meet someone who cares for you, and who you care for, I'll understand if you choose to pursue it. I won't be turning cartwheels, and if you're still free and single when and if I return, I hope that you'll want to give us another chance. But I have to seek my salvation, and I won't let that quest stand in the way of your happiness.
Don't try to get Angel to tell you where I am, Willow. It won't help matters, and I'm not going to change my mind. If you hate me for that, I can only hope that you forgive me someday.
All my love,
Oz
Willow finished the letter, then handed it to Angel with a gesture indicating that he should read it as she wiped a tear from her eye. Angel read the letter quickly, then looked at his friend with concern before asking, "Willow, are you all right?"
She looked at him and smiled wanly as she replied, "I have to be, Angel. . .things get too wacky around here when I'm not." She sighed and commented, "He sure knows how to complicate my life. . .and I just don't know what to do."
Two and a half centuries of experience allowed Angel to interpret the somewhat cryptic meaning in Willow's statement. He looked at her and asked, "So, there is someone else?"
Willow looked up at him and smiled ruefully, commenting, "You don't miss much, do you, Angel?" She spent a few moments recounting the events from that night in her dorm room, when Giles' visit to cheer her up in the aftermath of the spell backfire fiasco had led to Giles kissing her, then Willow kissing him back in full view of Buffy and Spike. When she finished, Willow could see that Angel was not surprised. Annoyed, she commented, "You know, you could have given an old friend a heads-up if you knew that this was coming. . .it was completely out of left field for me."
Angel shrugged and replied, "As far as I knew, you and Oz were in it for the long haul. . .and my presence in Giles' romantic life has led to nothing but sorrow in the past. . .if he wasn't going to say anything, I certainly wasn't." Willow abruptly looked guilty, and Angel smiled ruefully and continued, "Sorry, that came out wrong. . .Willow, you are a lovely young woman who happens to share a lot of common interests with Giles, as well as a lot of other positive traits. If he wasn't a man of such impeccable ethical standards, I suspect he would have let you know of his feelings long before this, whether Oz was still in the picture or not. As it stood, he would have stayed silent forever as long as you were with Oz, and I wouldn't have interfered with his own standards of virtue on the matter." He looked at his friend with a wistful smile on his face and commented, "Besides, you weren't completely bereft of feelings of your own going the other way, were you?"
Willow looked at Angel, damning the all-too perceptive gaze for a long moment before frowning, then nodding briefly. She looked at the ground as she spoke, sounding vaguely perplexed as she struggled to express herself: "It was never really a big thing. . .between Xander and Oz, my feelings were kinda busy, you know?. . .But I was always aware of him. He's clever, and funny, and he thinks about things. . .sometimes when Buffy was out on patrol alone, and we were alone in the library without any urgent research, we would just sit there and talk about whatever came to mind. . .I felt so badly for him when Jenny died. . .but it never occurred to me that he would be interested in me." She smiled and commented, "When his old friend Olivia came to town a couple of weeks ago, I thought that he had decided to move on, thinking that I wouldn't be over Oz for a long time, if ever. But she got freaked out by the business with the Gentlemen, and she took the next plane back to England. I don't know what he's thinking now, and I'm totally conflicted about what to do now."
Angel walked closer and put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up into his eyes. "Willow, Oz has done the best he could by giving you the option of moving on if that's what feels right. Give it as much thought as you see fit, then make the decision that you think is best for you. You're the smartest person I've ever met, and if you put your mind to this, I'm sure you'll find the best solution possible." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead, as a father might do to his troubled daughter, then asked quietly, "Anything I can do to help, Willow?"
She looked up at him and smiled, then replied, "No, you're right, I just have to think this out. Why don't you go out and visit with Buffy some more. . .I'm going to stay in here a little while and think a bit." She reached up and pulled his head down so that she could kiss him on the cheek, and softly said, "Thank you, Angel." He nodded and left the kitchen, leaving behind a young woman with a thoughtful expression on her face.
*****
Giles and Joyce watched Angel and Willow disappear into the kitchen, and Joyce raised an eyebrow as she commented, "I wonder what that is all about?"
Giles had a good idea, and saw no reason why not to tell Joyce, as she knew of Willow's situation and had been concerned about it. "Angel has been helping Oz try to find a cure for his lycanthropy: I assume he is giving her news of how Oz is doing and what his prospects are of returning."
Joyce nodded, then asked, "How do you feel about that, Rupert?"
Giles replied automatically, not noting the concerned look on Joyce's face: "Willow has been devastated by Oz's departure: why wouldn't I want her to be reassured, or at least informed about what was happening with him?" He looked at Joyce and saw that she was giving him a sympathetic look, then put two and two together. He suppressed the rather unpleasant curse that came to mind, then grated out, "I wish your daughter wouldn't broadcast the trivia of my personal life during your conversations together. . .perhaps I should have a word with her."
Joyce laughed and retorted, "Don't you dare! After two years of Buffy being totally closed-mouthed about what was going on with her life, and another year of worrying myself to death that some demon would kill her, it's a blessed relief to hear her just talking about mundane gossip. Besides, it's not just your life, it's Willow's, and Willow certainly made sure that Buffy and Spike knew what she was thinking."
Giles nodded, acknowledging the truth in her words, then asked, "All right then, Joyce, how do you feel about it? You probably think I'm an old fool for entertaining any such notions about someone as young as Willow."
Joyce smiled and replied, "No, Rupert, I don't. I've known Willow almost since I've been here in Sunnydale, and I love her as much as if she were my own daughter. She's definitely worth falling in love with. . .and I trust her to take care of herself." She sighed, then laughed and commented, "Actually, I'm a little relieved. I was always worried that Buffy would-." She stopped and looked as he visibly started and stammered, "Joyce, you have to-to know that I never would--."
Joyce smiled at him and replied, "I know that you are an honorable man, Rupert, and I know that you treat Buffy as if she were your own daughter. But you two spend a great deal of time in close contact, in great danger, and you are both terribly attractive people in general. Things happen, and I was wondering whether it was just a matter of time." She frowned and asked, "Didn't you have an old friend in town. . .what was her name. . .Olivia, right?"
Giles nodded and replied, "The whole thing with the Gentlemen was too much for her, and I understood her reasons for wanting to leave." He paused as Joyce shuddered: she had been out of town for that horrible incident, and had to watch helplessly as news reports came in about the problems in Sunnydale, knowing that Buffy and her friends had to be in terrible danger and frustrated at her inability to help. After a moment, she nodded to indicate he should continue, and he concluded, "I saw her off at Sunnydale Airport last week, and I don't expect she will be back. . .and the sad fact is, I'm rather grateful, for more than one reason." He sighed and commented, "For all of Willow's bravado, I don't expect her to come knocking on my door: she'll try to hold out hope for Oz's return as long as she can, and she can be quite stubborn when she wants to be. She was probably just trying to reassure me that I wasn't just some pathetic old man lusting after a wonderful young woman."
Joyce saw the pain in his eyes and reached out to squeeze his hand as she replied, "Rupert, Willow is basically a very honest person-I saw how that whole mess with Xander and Cordelia and Oz blew up last year, and she felt terribly guilty about it. If she just wanted to let you down easily, she would have let you know. Whether she chooses you or not, she's not lying about being interested in you. . .I'm sure of it."
Giles smiled wanly and replied teasingly, "It couldn't be that you have a prejudiced point of view, could it, Joyce?"
Joyce smiled and squeezed his hand again as she replied, "Well, maybe a little. . .but it's not as if we'd ever try to make anything work, Rupert. . .it would be just too off-putting to have Buffy going 'Eww!' every time she walked in on us. . .that whole mess with Ted was bad enough."
Giles laughed involuntarily and Joyce joined him: just as they were recovering, Angel emerged from the kitchen and walked over to Buffy. Joyce raised an eyebrow and commented, "I wonder how that went?"
Giles was watching Angel too, and he could only manage the stock answer: "I guess we'll just have to see."
*****
"So, I thought that Spike had killed Anya, and I just lost it. I was beating the crap out of him when Anya got my attention: turned out that Spike had just been drinking blood and put on his game face. . .God only knows why. Anyway, it convinced her that I really cared about her and she. . .well, you don't want to hear that part." Xander stopped as Cordelia laughed briefly, then replied, "Definitely not. So you two are pretty tight now, huh?"
Xander nodded, pleased that Cordelia was being so detached about the whole thing, and replied, "Yeah, pretty much. . .though I figure that getting her powers back is still what she wants, so every time she hears of some possibility of doing that, she'll take off and I'll have to wait to see if she ever comes back." He laughed hollowly and commented, "I guess it's a less nasty form of what Willow is going through. . .it figures."
Cordelia looked at him intently, then asked, "Xander, it's none of my business, but why are you dealing with this? You chose to spend a whole summer in Oxnard, which from what you described is even an ickier place than the name would imply, rather than come back to town and hang out with your friends, or to use those nifty soldier skills you picked up to enlist in the military. . .why didn't you come back here and take a chance at going after the person you've been obsessing over all along?"
Xander looked at her for a long moment, then replied, "Cordy, she's made her feelings on the matter quite clear. . .and I'm not one to keep beating his head on a concrete wall for no good reason. If Buffy ever is interested in me, she can let me know; otherwise, I'm staying clear. . .it just hurts too much." He laughed and commented, "That Parker guy she went out with looked enough like me to be my brother: after he screwed her over, I'm just glad she can stand to be in the same room with me."
Cordelia saw the pain in his face, and she reached out and clasped his hands as he had done with her earlier, then commented, "Xander, she cares a lot about you. . .it's why I was always freaked out when you'd talk about her. . .I was always afraid that she'd finally give up on Angel and look your way, and that you'd drop me in a heartbeat. . .I had been preparing myself for it for months. . .I think that's why I hated you so much after that thing with Willow. . .I never saw it coming: you two were almost like brother and sister. . .it just seemed unnatural somehow."
Xander felt a spasm of guilt at her confession, and he began stammering an apology, only to have her cut him off by commenting, "Xander, I know. Willow told me the whole story last year. . .I think she had the right idea with that de-lusting spell, even though it didn't work out. Xander, you'll walk into hell to save a friend, but otherwise your willpower just sucks."
Xander laughed, then reached forward to give his ex-girlfriend a warm hug. He straightened and announced quietly, "Queen C has not lost her touch. . .funny, I wanted to cheer you up, and you're doing that service for me. Thanks."
Cordelia looked at him gravely and replied, "Any time. . .you big spaz, you." They both laughed and decided to pay more attention to the snacks for awhile.
As always, comments are welcomed and desired
Buffy and Angel saw the change in mood across the room, and both were relieved with the result of the conversation their sensitive ears had allowed them to hear clearly. Buffy chuckled as Angel grumbled, "All this time, and he still won't stop calling me Dead Boy." Angel looked at her in annoyance, then turned as Willow walked over to them and gave Angel a quick hug, commenting, "Cordelia seems to be doing O.K. now," nodding over to where a normal amount of banter between Xander and Cordelia had begun. Buffy nodded and commented, "Xander rides to the rescue again," drawing laughs from Willow and Angel. Angel looked at Willow and asked, "Willow, could we speak privately for a moment?" Willow nodded and walked into the kitchen with Angel, leaving behind a curious Buffy.
When they were alone, Angel reached into his jacket and pulled out a letter, which he handed to Willow. He seemed to be about to explain, but Willow held up a hand: she could see the handwriting on the top was clearly Oz's. She opened the letter and began to read:
Dear Willow,
It has only been six weeks since I left, but it already seems like forever. I wish that I had better news, but I don't. Angel has helped me by finding me a safe place to stay and helping me to find research materials so that I can try to find a cure for my condition. . .so what happened will never happen again.
I'm not kidding myself: Giles warned me before I left, and Angel warned me when I told him what I wanted, that a cure for lycanthropy has been sought for centuries, and has either never been found or was lost some time in the past. I know that I'm going in the teeth of the advice that the two people who should know best have given me, but I refuse to quit: my motivation for continuing is too strong.
Not long ago, I had a foreboding that time was running out. . .that if I didn't find what I was looking for soon something catastrophic would happen. I can't be sure, but I think that what I feared was that I would lose you forever. Part of me wants to come back to you and to hell with the risk. . .but that isn't going to happen: I'd rather be dead myself than risk being the cause of your death. I didn't really understand how Angel could stand to leave Buffy until now, but the feeling I've had since I awakened after killing Veruca explains it to me completely: loving someone means wanting to keep them safe from harm. . .even if it means losing them. I'm going to take that risk now, Willow. If you meet someone who cares for you, and who you care for, I'll understand if you choose to pursue it. I won't be turning cartwheels, and if you're still free and single when and if I return, I hope that you'll want to give us another chance. But I have to seek my salvation, and I won't let that quest stand in the way of your happiness.
Don't try to get Angel to tell you where I am, Willow. It won't help matters, and I'm not going to change my mind. If you hate me for that, I can only hope that you forgive me someday.
All my love,
Oz
Willow finished the letter, then handed it to Angel with a gesture indicating that he should read it as she wiped a tear from her eye. Angel read the letter quickly, then looked at his friend with concern before asking, "Willow, are you all right?"
She looked at him and smiled wanly as she replied, "I have to be, Angel. . .things get too wacky around here when I'm not." She sighed and commented, "He sure knows how to complicate my life. . .and I just don't know what to do."
Two and a half centuries of experience allowed Angel to interpret the somewhat cryptic meaning in Willow's statement. He looked at her and asked, "So, there is someone else?"
Willow looked up at him and smiled ruefully, commenting, "You don't miss much, do you, Angel?" She spent a few moments recounting the events from that night in her dorm room, when Giles' visit to cheer her up in the aftermath of the spell backfire fiasco had led to Giles kissing her, then Willow kissing him back in full view of Buffy and Spike. When she finished, Willow could see that Angel was not surprised. Annoyed, she commented, "You know, you could have given an old friend a heads-up if you knew that this was coming. . .it was completely out of left field for me."
Angel shrugged and replied, "As far as I knew, you and Oz were in it for the long haul. . .and my presence in Giles' romantic life has led to nothing but sorrow in the past. . .if he wasn't going to say anything, I certainly wasn't." Willow abruptly looked guilty, and Angel smiled ruefully and continued, "Sorry, that came out wrong. . .Willow, you are a lovely young woman who happens to share a lot of common interests with Giles, as well as a lot of other positive traits. If he wasn't a man of such impeccable ethical standards, I suspect he would have let you know of his feelings long before this, whether Oz was still in the picture or not. As it stood, he would have stayed silent forever as long as you were with Oz, and I wouldn't have interfered with his own standards of virtue on the matter." He looked at his friend with a wistful smile on his face and commented, "Besides, you weren't completely bereft of feelings of your own going the other way, were you?"
Willow looked at Angel, damning the all-too perceptive gaze for a long moment before frowning, then nodding briefly. She looked at the ground as she spoke, sounding vaguely perplexed as she struggled to express herself: "It was never really a big thing. . .between Xander and Oz, my feelings were kinda busy, you know?. . .But I was always aware of him. He's clever, and funny, and he thinks about things. . .sometimes when Buffy was out on patrol alone, and we were alone in the library without any urgent research, we would just sit there and talk about whatever came to mind. . .I felt so badly for him when Jenny died. . .but it never occurred to me that he would be interested in me." She smiled and commented, "When his old friend Olivia came to town a couple of weeks ago, I thought that he had decided to move on, thinking that I wouldn't be over Oz for a long time, if ever. But she got freaked out by the business with the Gentlemen, and she took the next plane back to England. I don't know what he's thinking now, and I'm totally conflicted about what to do now."
Angel walked closer and put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up into his eyes. "Willow, Oz has done the best he could by giving you the option of moving on if that's what feels right. Give it as much thought as you see fit, then make the decision that you think is best for you. You're the smartest person I've ever met, and if you put your mind to this, I'm sure you'll find the best solution possible." He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead, as a father might do to his troubled daughter, then asked quietly, "Anything I can do to help, Willow?"
She looked up at him and smiled, then replied, "No, you're right, I just have to think this out. Why don't you go out and visit with Buffy some more. . .I'm going to stay in here a little while and think a bit." She reached up and pulled his head down so that she could kiss him on the cheek, and softly said, "Thank you, Angel." He nodded and left the kitchen, leaving behind a young woman with a thoughtful expression on her face.
*****
Giles and Joyce watched Angel and Willow disappear into the kitchen, and Joyce raised an eyebrow as she commented, "I wonder what that is all about?"
Giles had a good idea, and saw no reason why not to tell Joyce, as she knew of Willow's situation and had been concerned about it. "Angel has been helping Oz try to find a cure for his lycanthropy: I assume he is giving her news of how Oz is doing and what his prospects are of returning."
Joyce nodded, then asked, "How do you feel about that, Rupert?"
Giles replied automatically, not noting the concerned look on Joyce's face: "Willow has been devastated by Oz's departure: why wouldn't I want her to be reassured, or at least informed about what was happening with him?" He looked at Joyce and saw that she was giving him a sympathetic look, then put two and two together. He suppressed the rather unpleasant curse that came to mind, then grated out, "I wish your daughter wouldn't broadcast the trivia of my personal life during your conversations together. . .perhaps I should have a word with her."
Joyce laughed and retorted, "Don't you dare! After two years of Buffy being totally closed-mouthed about what was going on with her life, and another year of worrying myself to death that some demon would kill her, it's a blessed relief to hear her just talking about mundane gossip. Besides, it's not just your life, it's Willow's, and Willow certainly made sure that Buffy and Spike knew what she was thinking."
Giles nodded, acknowledging the truth in her words, then asked, "All right then, Joyce, how do you feel about it? You probably think I'm an old fool for entertaining any such notions about someone as young as Willow."
Joyce smiled and replied, "No, Rupert, I don't. I've known Willow almost since I've been here in Sunnydale, and I love her as much as if she were my own daughter. She's definitely worth falling in love with. . .and I trust her to take care of herself." She sighed, then laughed and commented, "Actually, I'm a little relieved. I was always worried that Buffy would-." She stopped and looked as he visibly started and stammered, "Joyce, you have to-to know that I never would--."
Joyce smiled at him and replied, "I know that you are an honorable man, Rupert, and I know that you treat Buffy as if she were your own daughter. But you two spend a great deal of time in close contact, in great danger, and you are both terribly attractive people in general. Things happen, and I was wondering whether it was just a matter of time." She frowned and asked, "Didn't you have an old friend in town. . .what was her name. . .Olivia, right?"
Giles nodded and replied, "The whole thing with the Gentlemen was too much for her, and I understood her reasons for wanting to leave." He paused as Joyce shuddered: she had been out of town for that horrible incident, and had to watch helplessly as news reports came in about the problems in Sunnydale, knowing that Buffy and her friends had to be in terrible danger and frustrated at her inability to help. After a moment, she nodded to indicate he should continue, and he concluded, "I saw her off at Sunnydale Airport last week, and I don't expect she will be back. . .and the sad fact is, I'm rather grateful, for more than one reason." He sighed and commented, "For all of Willow's bravado, I don't expect her to come knocking on my door: she'll try to hold out hope for Oz's return as long as she can, and she can be quite stubborn when she wants to be. She was probably just trying to reassure me that I wasn't just some pathetic old man lusting after a wonderful young woman."
Joyce saw the pain in his eyes and reached out to squeeze his hand as she replied, "Rupert, Willow is basically a very honest person-I saw how that whole mess with Xander and Cordelia and Oz blew up last year, and she felt terribly guilty about it. If she just wanted to let you down easily, she would have let you know. Whether she chooses you or not, she's not lying about being interested in you. . .I'm sure of it."
Giles smiled wanly and replied teasingly, "It couldn't be that you have a prejudiced point of view, could it, Joyce?"
Joyce smiled and squeezed his hand again as she replied, "Well, maybe a little. . .but it's not as if we'd ever try to make anything work, Rupert. . .it would be just too off-putting to have Buffy going 'Eww!' every time she walked in on us. . .that whole mess with Ted was bad enough."
Giles laughed involuntarily and Joyce joined him: just as they were recovering, Angel emerged from the kitchen and walked over to Buffy. Joyce raised an eyebrow and commented, "I wonder how that went?"
Giles was watching Angel too, and he could only manage the stock answer: "I guess we'll just have to see."
*****
"So, I thought that Spike had killed Anya, and I just lost it. I was beating the crap out of him when Anya got my attention: turned out that Spike had just been drinking blood and put on his game face. . .God only knows why. Anyway, it convinced her that I really cared about her and she. . .well, you don't want to hear that part." Xander stopped as Cordelia laughed briefly, then replied, "Definitely not. So you two are pretty tight now, huh?"
Xander nodded, pleased that Cordelia was being so detached about the whole thing, and replied, "Yeah, pretty much. . .though I figure that getting her powers back is still what she wants, so every time she hears of some possibility of doing that, she'll take off and I'll have to wait to see if she ever comes back." He laughed hollowly and commented, "I guess it's a less nasty form of what Willow is going through. . .it figures."
Cordelia looked at him intently, then asked, "Xander, it's none of my business, but why are you dealing with this? You chose to spend a whole summer in Oxnard, which from what you described is even an ickier place than the name would imply, rather than come back to town and hang out with your friends, or to use those nifty soldier skills you picked up to enlist in the military. . .why didn't you come back here and take a chance at going after the person you've been obsessing over all along?"
Xander looked at her for a long moment, then replied, "Cordy, she's made her feelings on the matter quite clear. . .and I'm not one to keep beating his head on a concrete wall for no good reason. If Buffy ever is interested in me, she can let me know; otherwise, I'm staying clear. . .it just hurts too much." He laughed and commented, "That Parker guy she went out with looked enough like me to be my brother: after he screwed her over, I'm just glad she can stand to be in the same room with me."
Cordelia saw the pain in his face, and she reached out and clasped his hands as he had done with her earlier, then commented, "Xander, she cares a lot about you. . .it's why I was always freaked out when you'd talk about her. . .I was always afraid that she'd finally give up on Angel and look your way, and that you'd drop me in a heartbeat. . .I had been preparing myself for it for months. . .I think that's why I hated you so much after that thing with Willow. . .I never saw it coming: you two were almost like brother and sister. . .it just seemed unnatural somehow."
Xander felt a spasm of guilt at her confession, and he began stammering an apology, only to have her cut him off by commenting, "Xander, I know. Willow told me the whole story last year. . .I think she had the right idea with that de-lusting spell, even though it didn't work out. Xander, you'll walk into hell to save a friend, but otherwise your willpower just sucks."
Xander laughed, then reached forward to give his ex-girlfriend a warm hug. He straightened and announced quietly, "Queen C has not lost her touch. . .funny, I wanted to cheer you up, and you're doing that service for me. Thanks."
Cordelia looked at him gravely and replied, "Any time. . .you big spaz, you." They both laughed and decided to pay more attention to the snacks for awhile.
As always, comments are welcomed and desired