Title: So Much For the Afterglow
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
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Part 6
Jake woke up early on Tuesday morning. She dreaded what she'd be told that day on so many levels, and yet she had still been anticipating this day finally getting here. She'd just been through what had proved to be the longest four days of her entire life and she was glad that they were finally behind her. Now, if she could just get through Tuesday, things would have to get better . . . right?
There was a light knock on her door at twenty minutes till eight and she knew it could only be one person. "Come in," she called from the bed where she was still huddled beneath the covers. She'd been awake since dawn but she had yet to be able to bring herself to get out of bed.
Hamilton entered the room and closed the door behind him, locking it as usual. "Hey baby," he greeted her softly with a half-smile. "You feeling okay?"
"As okay as possible, I suspect," she replied. He nodded his understanding.
"So, are we skipping crew this morning?" he asked.
It was her turn to nod. "I don't think I can handle that this morning."
"Understood," he said.
"You think Finn's going to have our heads?" she asked.
He just shrugged and said, "We have better things to worry about."
"Unfortunately," she added. He sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her head against his chest. "I'm scared, Hamilton," she whispered.
"I'll be beside you the whole time. No matter what happens . . ." he promised.
"I don't really know why I'm stressing all over again," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, I already know I am so they can't really tell me anything new. It's just . . . well, I guess the fact that I have to make a decision soon sort of has me . . . freaked out."
"I can understand that," he replied as he continued to hold her close to him.
She pulled back from his hold and looked into his eyes. "Hamilton . . . what do you want me to do?" she asked him.
"Well . . . I think it's up to you, Jake. I don't want to make this decision for you. You should be able to decide if you want . . ."
"No, I'm not asking you for a final verdict; just an opinion," she said. "What's your opinion?"
"I . . . I don't really know," he admitted. "I'll stand by whatever you decide . . . but I'm as confused about all of this as you are," he said honestly.
She looked down at her hands then and said, "If I . . . if I decided not to go through with it . . . to, uh, to get rid of it . . . would you think any less of me? Would you hate me if I did something like that? Honestly." Her voice sounded small and, Hamilton thought, more scared than she had sounded through any of this up till then.
He took one of her hands in his and used his free hand to tilt her chin up so he could look her in the eyes. "Jake, I swear that I would never think less of you," he said solemnly. "I love you and nothing will change that."
She looked into his eyes for a minute, as if she were trying to gauge his sincerity. Finally she nodded as she saw that he was only telling the truth.
"Is that what you want to do?" he asked her then.
She shrugged as she pulled away and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She paced over to the window and looked out over the campus as Rawley started to wake up. "I'm not sure what I want anymore," she admitted. "If someone had asked me six months ago then I could have answered in a heartbeat. But . . . ever since you and Rawley and this Jake thing . . . I feel like I'm a different person than I used to be, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure I know myself as well as I used to."
"You know how you feel," he pointed out. "And you know what feels right in your heart. That's what you should do."
"I'm not ready to be anyone's mother, I know that much," she said.
"There's nothing wrong with that," he assured her.
"But I'm not sure that I could . . . well, I don't know if I'd be able to live with something like that. I think everyone should have the choice and the right . . . but I'm not sure it's an option I can deal with."
"There's nothing wrong with that, either," Hamilton said.
"Could you go on being a teenager knowing that you had a child out there someplace though?" she asked.
"Jake, no matter what you decide or what we end up doing, this is going to change everything. We're never going to be the same teenagers that we used to be," he said. And she knew that he was right. She'd lost a lot of her innocence in the last four days. She'd never be the same girl that came to Rawley at the beginning of the summer.
"I should get a shower. I want to get off campus as early as possible so we don't get held up," she said. He nodded and stood to leave.
"I'll be back in about an hour," he said as he came up and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He planted a soft kiss on her shoulder and whispered close to her ear, "I love you."
"I know, me too," she replied softly without turning around. She was still looking out over the waking campus as a tear traced its way down her cheek. She heard him turn to leave and listened as the door opened, then closed behind him. Even though she hadn't told Hamilton, she was pretty much already decided on what she was going to do. She just hoped that they would both be able to handle her decision.
* * * * *
Finn looked over the group of boys before him. "Okay, today I want you all to--" he stopped, surveyed the small sea of faces again, then asked, "Where are Mr. Pratt and Mr. Fleming? Anyone seen them this morning?" No one answered, but Scout and Will exchanged worried looks. They had been having strange encounters with Jake and Hamilton all weekend and they were now more sure than ever that something was going on.
"Mr. Krudski, care to shed a little light on the absence of your teammates for us?" Finn asked.
Will tried to look innocent. "What makes you think I know anything about it?" he asked.
"You look guilty," Finn replied.
"I swear I don't know where they are," he said. It was true. He'd seen them leaving campus together that morning, but he really didn't have any clue where they'd been heading.
"Mr. Calhoun?" Finn inquired next.
"Me?" Scout asked. "I don't know . . . last time I saw either of them was this morning in the common room.
"Hmm . . . well, they've both missed two practices this week so if you see either of them later today please inform them that if they miss one more I will have to take this matter up with the dean . . . and I'm certain that Hamilton would much rather avoid that happening."
"Sure," Will responded. Scout nodded his agreement as well.
"Okay . . . now, where were we?" Finn asked. "Oh yes . . ." and then he continued on with his morning lecture. Will and Scout exchanged another worried look, knowing they'd have to track Jake and Hamilton down as soon as class was over and warn them about this situation before it was too late.
* * * * *
"Not much further," Bella said to her two friends as they drove down the deserted road towards their destination. They'd been driving for a little less than an hour, but it felt like an eternity to Jake and Hamilton. They were sitting next to Bella in the front of the truck with Hamilton by the door and Jake in the middle. Every time she glanced over at her passengers, Bella thought they each looked a little bit greener than they had the last time.
Hamilton reached down and squeezed Jake's hand, then brought it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her to pull her closer. He knew that she was terrified of this whole situation and the truth was that he couldn't blame her one bit.
It was just after Bella told them that they didn't have much further to go that they saw the sign for Ludwig and began to see houses and stores that signified they were approaching a town. Soon, they pulled up in front of a two story brick building and Bella cut the engine, then said, "Okay, this is it."
Jake and Hamilton both turned to look at the building. It was red brick and looked pretty old, like it had been there as long as the small, Massachusetts town had existed. Bold, white letters across the glass front door proclaimed this to be the office of a Dr. James M. Madsen, OB/GYN.
"Ready?" Bella asked the couple.
"As I'll ever be," Jake mumbled and Hamilton got out of the truck, then helped her out beside him. He clutched her hand tightly as the three of them entered the office together.
"May I help you?" asked a woman in a bright pink and blue smock at the front desk.
"My friend has an appointment at 3 o'clock," Bella informed her. "Jackie Smith." That was the fake name they'd decided upon to avoid suspicion.
The woman, whose name tag said she was Jenny Clark and that she was a registered nurse, checked her appointment book and nodded. "Dr. Madsen can see you now. Follow me." She got up from her seat and started through a door that led from the waiting room to the rest of the office.
"I'll wait here," Bella told Jake.
Jake smiled as best she could at her friend and said, "Thanks . . . for all of this."
Bella returned the smile and replied, "No problem." Then she watched as Hamilton and Jake disappeared behind the door.
* * * * *
Jake sat on the paper-lined table and fidgeted nervously. She'd always hated doctors, ever since she had her tonsils out when she was six. She'd long since avoided having to go, although she had on occasion, but only at her mother's insistence. This was only her second doctors visit in a little over a year.
Hamilton was sitting in a padded, faux leather chair across from her and looking extremely concerned. That seemed to be his only facial expression lately. She immediately felt a pang of guilt for that fact.
The smell of antiseptic and floor wax hung heavily in the air around her. What a strange combination, she thought briefly, but then the overly shined floors and the methodically cleaned tray of instruments on the counter could have foretold of the smell. Still, it struck her as odd. And odd, too, that she would even stop to think about such a thing at a time when her mind had so many bigger questions to ponder. She just sighed and readjusted herself on the table again.
It was fifteen minutes after she'd changed into the flimsy paper gown that the illusive Dr. Madsen finally made an appearance. "Jackie?" he asked as he opened the heavy white door from the hallway.
"Yes, I'm Jackie," Jake replied. Her grandmother had called her that as a child so it wasn't too far of a stretch.
The doctor smiled and closed the door behind him as he entered. He was a relatively young man, perhaps in his late thirties to early forties. Not exactly what she had expected. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had just assumed that all small town doctors looked like the ones on Little House on the Prairie and The Andy Griffith Show; they were all old and gray and looked like your average grandfather. Jake was suddenly glad that this man did not fit her stereotype. She had a feeling she might be a little more comfortable with him.
"So, you're here for a pregnancy test?" the doctor asked, not looking up from his chart. His voice sounded so level, as though the earth-shattering meaning behind his words had no effect on him.
"Yes," Jake managed to eek out softly.
"We'll have to draw some blood, do a urinalysis," he explained calmly. "Would you like your friend to stay in the room while we do the tests? If not then the nurse will be glad to be here. It's totally up to you."
Jake looked at Hamilton and shook her head. "No, I'd like him to stay," she stated surely.
"Very well, shall we get started then?"
She took a deep breath, then nodded. The doctor proceeded to draw a few vials of blood from her arm, which she refused to watch. He then gave her a cup and she went to the bathroom to fill it. After the specimens had been collected, he asked a lot of questions about her sexual activity and her last period and other things she had pretty much expected. The answer she got back, though, was still the same. She was pregnant; approximately five and a half weeks.
Hamilton thanked the doctor, then waited in the hallway for Jake to get dressed before escorting her back to the lobby where Bella was still waiting. The looks on their faces told Bella that they had not received good news without them having to tell her.
"It'll be okay, Jake," she said softly as she rubbed her friend's shoulder lightly. Jake just nodded and leaned into Hamilton.
"We should get her home," he said. Bella nodded and the trio walked back to the truck.
The ride home was even quieter than the ride there had been, though the air seemed much thicker to Jake, more like the world really was closing in. She just wished she could go to sleep and wake up to find that it had all been a terrible nightmare and that she really didn't have to deal with this now. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen.
"So, I think we should tell my mom," Hamilton said aloud when they were about ten miles from the Rawley campus.
Jake looked at him, opening her eyes for the first time during the whole drive. "Excuse me?" she asked.
"She can help . . . she will, I know it," he said to her. "Besides, we can't do this alone, no matter what we do."
She nodded. "I know that." She sighed. "God, how did things get so screwed up anyway?" she asked no one in particular. "And to think that a few weeks ago my biggest fear in the world was whether I'd be able to come back to Rawley . . . now I'll never be allowed back again and it's the least of my concerns."
Hamilton squeezed her hand in his, but remained silent.
"So, when should we tell her?" she asked.
"I was thinking I'd tell her tonight, after dinner when my dad comes back over to his office to catch up on work. I'll explain everything to her, then we'll go from there."
"And you think she's going to be okay with this?" Jake asked unbelievingly.
"Well, no . . ." he admitted. "But she loves me . . . she'll understand."
Jake nodded and sighed. It was real now; they were telling their parents. First Hamilton's mother, then her own. She still had no clue how to tell her mom about this, but she knew she'd have to find a way. She closed her eyes again, trying one more time to dream away the whole mess.
* * * * *
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
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Part 6
Jake woke up early on Tuesday morning. She dreaded what she'd be told that day on so many levels, and yet she had still been anticipating this day finally getting here. She'd just been through what had proved to be the longest four days of her entire life and she was glad that they were finally behind her. Now, if she could just get through Tuesday, things would have to get better . . . right?
There was a light knock on her door at twenty minutes till eight and she knew it could only be one person. "Come in," she called from the bed where she was still huddled beneath the covers. She'd been awake since dawn but she had yet to be able to bring herself to get out of bed.
Hamilton entered the room and closed the door behind him, locking it as usual. "Hey baby," he greeted her softly with a half-smile. "You feeling okay?"
"As okay as possible, I suspect," she replied. He nodded his understanding.
"So, are we skipping crew this morning?" he asked.
It was her turn to nod. "I don't think I can handle that this morning."
"Understood," he said.
"You think Finn's going to have our heads?" she asked.
He just shrugged and said, "We have better things to worry about."
"Unfortunately," she added. He sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her head against his chest. "I'm scared, Hamilton," she whispered.
"I'll be beside you the whole time. No matter what happens . . ." he promised.
"I don't really know why I'm stressing all over again," she said thoughtfully. "I mean, I already know I am so they can't really tell me anything new. It's just . . . well, I guess the fact that I have to make a decision soon sort of has me . . . freaked out."
"I can understand that," he replied as he continued to hold her close to him.
She pulled back from his hold and looked into his eyes. "Hamilton . . . what do you want me to do?" she asked him.
"Well . . . I think it's up to you, Jake. I don't want to make this decision for you. You should be able to decide if you want . . ."
"No, I'm not asking you for a final verdict; just an opinion," she said. "What's your opinion?"
"I . . . I don't really know," he admitted. "I'll stand by whatever you decide . . . but I'm as confused about all of this as you are," he said honestly.
She looked down at her hands then and said, "If I . . . if I decided not to go through with it . . . to, uh, to get rid of it . . . would you think any less of me? Would you hate me if I did something like that? Honestly." Her voice sounded small and, Hamilton thought, more scared than she had sounded through any of this up till then.
He took one of her hands in his and used his free hand to tilt her chin up so he could look her in the eyes. "Jake, I swear that I would never think less of you," he said solemnly. "I love you and nothing will change that."
She looked into his eyes for a minute, as if she were trying to gauge his sincerity. Finally she nodded as she saw that he was only telling the truth.
"Is that what you want to do?" he asked her then.
She shrugged as she pulled away and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She paced over to the window and looked out over the campus as Rawley started to wake up. "I'm not sure what I want anymore," she admitted. "If someone had asked me six months ago then I could have answered in a heartbeat. But . . . ever since you and Rawley and this Jake thing . . . I feel like I'm a different person than I used to be, physically and emotionally. I'm not sure I know myself as well as I used to."
"You know how you feel," he pointed out. "And you know what feels right in your heart. That's what you should do."
"I'm not ready to be anyone's mother, I know that much," she said.
"There's nothing wrong with that," he assured her.
"But I'm not sure that I could . . . well, I don't know if I'd be able to live with something like that. I think everyone should have the choice and the right . . . but I'm not sure it's an option I can deal with."
"There's nothing wrong with that, either," Hamilton said.
"Could you go on being a teenager knowing that you had a child out there someplace though?" she asked.
"Jake, no matter what you decide or what we end up doing, this is going to change everything. We're never going to be the same teenagers that we used to be," he said. And she knew that he was right. She'd lost a lot of her innocence in the last four days. She'd never be the same girl that came to Rawley at the beginning of the summer.
"I should get a shower. I want to get off campus as early as possible so we don't get held up," she said. He nodded and stood to leave.
"I'll be back in about an hour," he said as he came up and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He planted a soft kiss on her shoulder and whispered close to her ear, "I love you."
"I know, me too," she replied softly without turning around. She was still looking out over the waking campus as a tear traced its way down her cheek. She heard him turn to leave and listened as the door opened, then closed behind him. Even though she hadn't told Hamilton, she was pretty much already decided on what she was going to do. She just hoped that they would both be able to handle her decision.
* * * * *
Finn looked over the group of boys before him. "Okay, today I want you all to--" he stopped, surveyed the small sea of faces again, then asked, "Where are Mr. Pratt and Mr. Fleming? Anyone seen them this morning?" No one answered, but Scout and Will exchanged worried looks. They had been having strange encounters with Jake and Hamilton all weekend and they were now more sure than ever that something was going on.
"Mr. Krudski, care to shed a little light on the absence of your teammates for us?" Finn asked.
Will tried to look innocent. "What makes you think I know anything about it?" he asked.
"You look guilty," Finn replied.
"I swear I don't know where they are," he said. It was true. He'd seen them leaving campus together that morning, but he really didn't have any clue where they'd been heading.
"Mr. Calhoun?" Finn inquired next.
"Me?" Scout asked. "I don't know . . . last time I saw either of them was this morning in the common room.
"Hmm . . . well, they've both missed two practices this week so if you see either of them later today please inform them that if they miss one more I will have to take this matter up with the dean . . . and I'm certain that Hamilton would much rather avoid that happening."
"Sure," Will responded. Scout nodded his agreement as well.
"Okay . . . now, where were we?" Finn asked. "Oh yes . . ." and then he continued on with his morning lecture. Will and Scout exchanged another worried look, knowing they'd have to track Jake and Hamilton down as soon as class was over and warn them about this situation before it was too late.
* * * * *
"Not much further," Bella said to her two friends as they drove down the deserted road towards their destination. They'd been driving for a little less than an hour, but it felt like an eternity to Jake and Hamilton. They were sitting next to Bella in the front of the truck with Hamilton by the door and Jake in the middle. Every time she glanced over at her passengers, Bella thought they each looked a little bit greener than they had the last time.
Hamilton reached down and squeezed Jake's hand, then brought it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her to pull her closer. He knew that she was terrified of this whole situation and the truth was that he couldn't blame her one bit.
It was just after Bella told them that they didn't have much further to go that they saw the sign for Ludwig and began to see houses and stores that signified they were approaching a town. Soon, they pulled up in front of a two story brick building and Bella cut the engine, then said, "Okay, this is it."
Jake and Hamilton both turned to look at the building. It was red brick and looked pretty old, like it had been there as long as the small, Massachusetts town had existed. Bold, white letters across the glass front door proclaimed this to be the office of a Dr. James M. Madsen, OB/GYN.
"Ready?" Bella asked the couple.
"As I'll ever be," Jake mumbled and Hamilton got out of the truck, then helped her out beside him. He clutched her hand tightly as the three of them entered the office together.
"May I help you?" asked a woman in a bright pink and blue smock at the front desk.
"My friend has an appointment at 3 o'clock," Bella informed her. "Jackie Smith." That was the fake name they'd decided upon to avoid suspicion.
The woman, whose name tag said she was Jenny Clark and that she was a registered nurse, checked her appointment book and nodded. "Dr. Madsen can see you now. Follow me." She got up from her seat and started through a door that led from the waiting room to the rest of the office.
"I'll wait here," Bella told Jake.
Jake smiled as best she could at her friend and said, "Thanks . . . for all of this."
Bella returned the smile and replied, "No problem." Then she watched as Hamilton and Jake disappeared behind the door.
* * * * *
Jake sat on the paper-lined table and fidgeted nervously. She'd always hated doctors, ever since she had her tonsils out when she was six. She'd long since avoided having to go, although she had on occasion, but only at her mother's insistence. This was only her second doctors visit in a little over a year.
Hamilton was sitting in a padded, faux leather chair across from her and looking extremely concerned. That seemed to be his only facial expression lately. She immediately felt a pang of guilt for that fact.
The smell of antiseptic and floor wax hung heavily in the air around her. What a strange combination, she thought briefly, but then the overly shined floors and the methodically cleaned tray of instruments on the counter could have foretold of the smell. Still, it struck her as odd. And odd, too, that she would even stop to think about such a thing at a time when her mind had so many bigger questions to ponder. She just sighed and readjusted herself on the table again.
It was fifteen minutes after she'd changed into the flimsy paper gown that the illusive Dr. Madsen finally made an appearance. "Jackie?" he asked as he opened the heavy white door from the hallway.
"Yes, I'm Jackie," Jake replied. Her grandmother had called her that as a child so it wasn't too far of a stretch.
The doctor smiled and closed the door behind him as he entered. He was a relatively young man, perhaps in his late thirties to early forties. Not exactly what she had expected. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had just assumed that all small town doctors looked like the ones on Little House on the Prairie and The Andy Griffith Show; they were all old and gray and looked like your average grandfather. Jake was suddenly glad that this man did not fit her stereotype. She had a feeling she might be a little more comfortable with him.
"So, you're here for a pregnancy test?" the doctor asked, not looking up from his chart. His voice sounded so level, as though the earth-shattering meaning behind his words had no effect on him.
"Yes," Jake managed to eek out softly.
"We'll have to draw some blood, do a urinalysis," he explained calmly. "Would you like your friend to stay in the room while we do the tests? If not then the nurse will be glad to be here. It's totally up to you."
Jake looked at Hamilton and shook her head. "No, I'd like him to stay," she stated surely.
"Very well, shall we get started then?"
She took a deep breath, then nodded. The doctor proceeded to draw a few vials of blood from her arm, which she refused to watch. He then gave her a cup and she went to the bathroom to fill it. After the specimens had been collected, he asked a lot of questions about her sexual activity and her last period and other things she had pretty much expected. The answer she got back, though, was still the same. She was pregnant; approximately five and a half weeks.
Hamilton thanked the doctor, then waited in the hallway for Jake to get dressed before escorting her back to the lobby where Bella was still waiting. The looks on their faces told Bella that they had not received good news without them having to tell her.
"It'll be okay, Jake," she said softly as she rubbed her friend's shoulder lightly. Jake just nodded and leaned into Hamilton.
"We should get her home," he said. Bella nodded and the trio walked back to the truck.
The ride home was even quieter than the ride there had been, though the air seemed much thicker to Jake, more like the world really was closing in. She just wished she could go to sleep and wake up to find that it had all been a terrible nightmare and that she really didn't have to deal with this now. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen.
"So, I think we should tell my mom," Hamilton said aloud when they were about ten miles from the Rawley campus.
Jake looked at him, opening her eyes for the first time during the whole drive. "Excuse me?" she asked.
"She can help . . . she will, I know it," he said to her. "Besides, we can't do this alone, no matter what we do."
She nodded. "I know that." She sighed. "God, how did things get so screwed up anyway?" she asked no one in particular. "And to think that a few weeks ago my biggest fear in the world was whether I'd be able to come back to Rawley . . . now I'll never be allowed back again and it's the least of my concerns."
Hamilton squeezed her hand in his, but remained silent.
"So, when should we tell her?" she asked.
"I was thinking I'd tell her tonight, after dinner when my dad comes back over to his office to catch up on work. I'll explain everything to her, then we'll go from there."
"And you think she's going to be okay with this?" Jake asked unbelievingly.
"Well, no . . ." he admitted. "But she loves me . . . she'll understand."
Jake nodded and sighed. It was real now; they were telling their parents. First Hamilton's mother, then her own. She still had no clue how to tell her mom about this, but she knew she'd have to find a way. She closed her eyes again, trying one more time to dream away the whole mess.
* * * * *