Title: So Much For the Afterglow
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
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Part 8
It was barely sunrise when Jake heard a knock on her door. She knew it had to be Hamilton and quickly got up to let him in. She didn't even remember going to sleep the night before. The last thing that she did remember was crying on Will Krudski's shoulder about her situation. She figured she must have fallen asleep and he'd gotten her to bed and left.
"Jake? Open up, I need to talk to you," Hamilton whispered through the door. She opened it a second later, rubbing her eyes against the early morning light that filtered into the room. "Morning," he said to her.
"Hey," she replied groggily. "What's up?"
"I told my mom," he said solemnly.
"Oh. Uh, come on in," Jake said and stood aside for him to enter, then closed the door. "So, what did she say? What exactly did you tell her?"
"I told her who you were and that you were my girlfriend. She knows that you're Jake . . . And I told her about the baby."
"Oh." So that was it. This was real. She was probably about fifteen minutes from getting kicked out of Rawley Academy on her ear. Mrs. Fleming probably hated her right about now; after all, she'd ruined her baby boy's entire life. And Jake suddenly got the feeling that she'd never see Hamilton again. It was all too much to handle and she had to sit back down.
"Jake?" Hamilton questioned, his voice filling with concern as she laid her head in her hands.
"I never should have let this happen," she said woefully. "We could have stayed together if I hadn't . . . How could I have screwed everything up so bad?"
"Woah, woah . . . this isn't your fault. We're in this together and I spent an hour last night listening to my mom tell me not to place blame anywhere on this issue so I am certainly not letting you do the same thing. Besides, what's done is done so none of that matters now anyway. We'll just deal with it. We have to."
"She hates me, I know it," Jake said sadly as she leaned against Hamilton and he tightened his arms around her body.
"No she doesn't," he assured her. "She's worried about us both . . . but she does *not* hate you."
"I'm going to have to leave Rawley now," Jake said.
"Yes," Hamilton agreed, "I'm afraid that's true. But we knew that anyway."
Jake looked up at her boyfriend, her eyes brimming with tears as she said, "What if I never see you again? Hamilton, I can't do this by myself . . ."
"And I would never let that happen. You are *not* going to be alone. And you *will* see me again, I swear. We'll . . . I dunno, we'll figure something out. But I think first we need to talk to my mom, go over our options and all of that."
Jake nodded, but pulled out of Hamilton's arms to get up and walk to the window. He got up and followed her, sensing that she had something to say. "I've decided," she stated simply and he didn't need any further explanation. He knew what she meant.
"And?" he asked.
"I believe in abortion. I think that everyone should have the right and I don't think it makes you evil or a sinner or whatever else they say about it. I've given it a lot of thought and a part of me thinks that I'd be stupid not to go with that option. I mean, I'm sixteen . . . what do I know about being a parent? But then," she sighed, "I just . . . I don't think I can go through with that. This baby . . . as much as we don't really want this now, I know I love you and that you love me and . . . it just seems wrong to think of it as a mistake that I can just erase.
"So, after a lot of thought, I've decided to go through with the pregnancy. I'll go back home to my mom and Consuela and . . . I dunno, whatever I have to do. But I don't think I can keep it. I think it would be unfair; to you, to me . . . to the baby. I really think that adoption is the best thing . . . the only thing, really." She turned back to Hamilton finally, wanting to see his reaction. "Well?" she asked quietly as she watched him.
He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her forearms. "You know that I'll support whatever you think is right," he replied.
"I'm not asking for your politically correct boyfriend answer," she told him. "Please just tell me the truth about what you think . . . really."
He nodded. "Alright . . . well I'd be lying if I said that it'll be easy to know that we'll have a child out there that I won't be able to know. It'll probably be the hardest thing in the world for both of us. But, I think it's probably the best thing we can do. We aren't ready, and it's not fair to try and be something that we know we can't."
"So, you'll be okay with this?" she asked.
"Okay, I dunno . . . but we'll get through it." She nodded and hugged him hard. She was relieved that he didn't hate her even as she was devastated because now the decision was made. She felt like she was already parting with the baby that wasn't even there yet. Just saying the words out loud was harder than she had ever imagined.
"Please," Jake sniffled against Hamilton's shoulder. "Promise me something. Don't leave me. I mean, I know that you'll have to stay here and I'll have to go back to New York. But . . . I need you so much. Promise this won't be it . . . I don't want this to be goodbye."
"Never," he said fervently. "I'm not letting you go. We'll do what we have to for now, but someday we'll be together again. I promise you that."
Jake tried to smile again his shoulder but ended up with more of a grimace through her tears. "I love you," she whispered.
"Me too," he whispered back. "Always."
* * * * *
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
----------------------------------
Part 8
It was barely sunrise when Jake heard a knock on her door. She knew it had to be Hamilton and quickly got up to let him in. She didn't even remember going to sleep the night before. The last thing that she did remember was crying on Will Krudski's shoulder about her situation. She figured she must have fallen asleep and he'd gotten her to bed and left.
"Jake? Open up, I need to talk to you," Hamilton whispered through the door. She opened it a second later, rubbing her eyes against the early morning light that filtered into the room. "Morning," he said to her.
"Hey," she replied groggily. "What's up?"
"I told my mom," he said solemnly.
"Oh. Uh, come on in," Jake said and stood aside for him to enter, then closed the door. "So, what did she say? What exactly did you tell her?"
"I told her who you were and that you were my girlfriend. She knows that you're Jake . . . And I told her about the baby."
"Oh." So that was it. This was real. She was probably about fifteen minutes from getting kicked out of Rawley Academy on her ear. Mrs. Fleming probably hated her right about now; after all, she'd ruined her baby boy's entire life. And Jake suddenly got the feeling that she'd never see Hamilton again. It was all too much to handle and she had to sit back down.
"Jake?" Hamilton questioned, his voice filling with concern as she laid her head in her hands.
"I never should have let this happen," she said woefully. "We could have stayed together if I hadn't . . . How could I have screwed everything up so bad?"
"Woah, woah . . . this isn't your fault. We're in this together and I spent an hour last night listening to my mom tell me not to place blame anywhere on this issue so I am certainly not letting you do the same thing. Besides, what's done is done so none of that matters now anyway. We'll just deal with it. We have to."
"She hates me, I know it," Jake said sadly as she leaned against Hamilton and he tightened his arms around her body.
"No she doesn't," he assured her. "She's worried about us both . . . but she does *not* hate you."
"I'm going to have to leave Rawley now," Jake said.
"Yes," Hamilton agreed, "I'm afraid that's true. But we knew that anyway."
Jake looked up at her boyfriend, her eyes brimming with tears as she said, "What if I never see you again? Hamilton, I can't do this by myself . . ."
"And I would never let that happen. You are *not* going to be alone. And you *will* see me again, I swear. We'll . . . I dunno, we'll figure something out. But I think first we need to talk to my mom, go over our options and all of that."
Jake nodded, but pulled out of Hamilton's arms to get up and walk to the window. He got up and followed her, sensing that she had something to say. "I've decided," she stated simply and he didn't need any further explanation. He knew what she meant.
"And?" he asked.
"I believe in abortion. I think that everyone should have the right and I don't think it makes you evil or a sinner or whatever else they say about it. I've given it a lot of thought and a part of me thinks that I'd be stupid not to go with that option. I mean, I'm sixteen . . . what do I know about being a parent? But then," she sighed, "I just . . . I don't think I can go through with that. This baby . . . as much as we don't really want this now, I know I love you and that you love me and . . . it just seems wrong to think of it as a mistake that I can just erase.
"So, after a lot of thought, I've decided to go through with the pregnancy. I'll go back home to my mom and Consuela and . . . I dunno, whatever I have to do. But I don't think I can keep it. I think it would be unfair; to you, to me . . . to the baby. I really think that adoption is the best thing . . . the only thing, really." She turned back to Hamilton finally, wanting to see his reaction. "Well?" she asked quietly as she watched him.
He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her forearms. "You know that I'll support whatever you think is right," he replied.
"I'm not asking for your politically correct boyfriend answer," she told him. "Please just tell me the truth about what you think . . . really."
He nodded. "Alright . . . well I'd be lying if I said that it'll be easy to know that we'll have a child out there that I won't be able to know. It'll probably be the hardest thing in the world for both of us. But, I think it's probably the best thing we can do. We aren't ready, and it's not fair to try and be something that we know we can't."
"So, you'll be okay with this?" she asked.
"Okay, I dunno . . . but we'll get through it." She nodded and hugged him hard. She was relieved that he didn't hate her even as she was devastated because now the decision was made. She felt like she was already parting with the baby that wasn't even there yet. Just saying the words out loud was harder than she had ever imagined.
"Please," Jake sniffled against Hamilton's shoulder. "Promise me something. Don't leave me. I mean, I know that you'll have to stay here and I'll have to go back to New York. But . . . I need you so much. Promise this won't be it . . . I don't want this to be goodbye."
"Never," he said fervently. "I'm not letting you go. We'll do what we have to for now, but someday we'll be together again. I promise you that."
Jake tried to smile again his shoulder but ended up with more of a grimace through her tears. "I love you," she whispered.
"Me too," he whispered back. "Always."
* * * * *