The Real Harry Potter

A/N: Personally, I think this is my best one but hey, that's just me ^.~

Sung by Harry Potter! (No, Really?)

(Original version; The Real Slim Shady; Eminem; The Marshall Mathers LP)

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Harry Potter please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Harry Potter please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Ya'll act like you've never seen a kid wizard before
Jaws all on the floor like Voldemort just burst in the door
Started yellin "Adava Kedavra" worse than before
He first gets distroyed while trying to kill me, what a bore
It's the return of the…
"Aw wait, no wait, your kidding, he didn't just say the spell I think he did, did he?"
And Dumbledore said…
NOTHING YOU IDIOTS! DUMBLEDORE'S DEAD HE'S LOCKED IN MY CUPBOARD!
HA HA!
All the women love Lockhart
Chicka-chicka-chicka Mr. Lockhart, I'm sick of him, look at him
Walkin around carrying his signing quill, scared of You-Know-Who
Yeah, but he's so cute though!
Yeah? Probably got a couple of screws up in his head loose
But no worse than having Scabbers in your bedroom
Sometimes, I just wanna go in Snape's class and let loose
But can't, yet Malfoy can say what his dad can do
"My father can do this, my father can do that."
Well guess what? Who cares? And Trelawney is a loony bat.
And Death is the message that she delivers to little kids
And expects them not to know of the fraud she really is!
Of course muggles are gonna know what a wizard is
By the time they hit for-tay
They see us weirdos in London, don't they?
We ain't nothin but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals who cut muggles open like cantalopes
So if we can curse dead animals and antalopes
Then there's no reason that man and a monster can't elope (ewww)
So if you feel like I feel I got Snape's Antidote
Witches wear your pantyhose
Sing the chorus, and it goes

I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!
I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!

Lockhart gotta make up his stories to sell books
Well I don't, so curse him and curse you too!
You think I give a crap about book awards?
Half of you parents can't understand me, so instead you ban me.
"But Harry, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Professor Snape
Rita Skeeter better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Mr.Weasley and Hagrid first
And hear em' argue over who she insulted first
Little Git, put me on blast on Witch Weekly
"Oh he's cute, but he's cheatin on Hermione! Hehe"
I should break her quill in half and you'll just see
I'll show the wizard world how you gave Harry a bad rap, see? (AHH!)
I'm sick of you little Colin Creevy's, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million others just like me
Who cus like me, who just don't like bubotuber pus like me,
Who dress like me, fly, talk, and cast spells like me,
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!

I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!
I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!

I'm like a Floo Powder trip to listen to
Cuz I'm only living proof
Of things that won't die when protected by your ma in your living room
The only difference is I got the scar to
Show it in front of ya'll
And I don't gotta be tall or potion-coated at all
I just get on my broom and catch the snitch
And whether you like to admit it, I just catch it
Better than 90% of you Seekers out there
Then you wonder how these kids can eat up these books like Botts'
It's funny, at the rate I'm goin when I'm 17
I'll be the only Wizard in Hogwarts who ain't nerdy
Pinchin my nose when I'm walking in the Dungeons
Where that Snape jerk is, but this whole shrinkin potion isn't workin!
And every single person is a Voldemort lurkin
He could be working at magical things
Spittin on the DADA things
Or in the parkin lot, circlin,
Screaming "Harry's outa luck!"
With his windows down crashin into muggle trucks
So would the real Potter please stand up and put
One of those wands in each hand up
And be proud to be a Parseltounge, and a rule-breaker out of control
One more time, loud as you can, how's it go?

I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!
I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!

I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!
I'm Harry Potter
Yes I'm the real Potter
All you other Harry Potter's
Are just a bunch dotters
So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up!
Please stand up! Please stand up!

Ha ha, I guess there's a Harry Potter in all of us.
Let's all stand up.