Another look into the x-men's minds
Disclaimer: If you don't know by now that Marvel owns the x-men,
I recommend that you seek medical help. Or have someone hit you
in the head really, really hard a few times. I own myself.
Batwoman is based on one of my friends, Steph. I have no clue who
owns Viagra, but I'm pretty sure Bob Dole owns himself.
Send any feedback to me at firefly254@hotmail.com
After a heated fight, much like the beginning of the Angry
Beavers, Rogue8 and Batwoman are ready to continue visiting the x-men's
minds...
Batwoman: At least I'm ready, but somebody won't get
out of Bobby's mind...Even though we're going to visit
ALEX next.
Rogue8(runs back): Alex? I'm back, What's happening in
his head?
Batwoman: In a bright flash of light, Alex appears on the front
lawn of the mansion...
Alex: It's good to be home. (rings doorbell) I wonder if
they missed me.
Jean: Alex, you're home!
Alex: Yup. Where's Scott?
Jean(Suddenly looking sad): he merged with apocalypse and
disappeared.
Alex: Wow. Sucks to be him. Wolverine?
Jean(sadder): he's in Japan
Alex: Gambit?
Jean(starting to look downright depressed): Crying in his room
because Rogue left him again
Alex: Um, Nightcrawler?
Jean(on the verge of tears): He's a priest in Germany.
Alex: Um...who's left...oh yeah, Colossus?
Jean(Tears rolling down her cheeks): He died to cure the legacy
virus.
Alex: Archangel?
Jean(Bawling like one of those anime characters): I don't
know!
Alex: Pr.X?
Jean (looks happy for a second, then remembers and starts crying
again): He's with Magneto!
Alex: Cool! Uh, I mean, that's to bad! Would you like me to
comfort you?
Jean(happy again): kay!
Rogue8: Who's next?
Batwoman: Um, Professor X.
Rogue8: Why do I have a horrible idea oh what's probably
coming up?
Batwoman: Cause you should
Rogue8: Can I go back to Bobby's mind so I don't have
to see this?
Batwoman: If I have to suffer through this, you do too.
Professor X: Okay, Mystique, I think this contract shall meet all
your requirements.
Mystique: Does it still involve physical contact?
Professor x: Well, um, yes, but I don't think it should be
much of a problem...
Mystique: It is. Look at you, you're an old guy in a hover
chair! If I wanted that... Well, I don't know anybody else
with a hover chair, but I know plenty of old guys that would be
happy to-
Professor x: Don't say his name! I can't believe he
left me again! (cries like an anime)
Mystique: Is that what this is about again?! (stands and morphs
into Magneto) I'm sorry, Charles.
Magneto (walking into room holding a box of chocolates and
flowers): What are you doing?!
Mystique-Magneto: Um, infiltrating their base?
Magneto: Oh, carry on then. (turns to Xavier) These are for you,
babe
Professor x: Babe? Excuse me? I have a name!
Magneto: These are for you, Charles.
Professor X: Nope, not that one.
Magneto: I can't believe I'm actually saying this.
These are for you, sugar bear.
Professor x: Oh! Thank you Maggy!
Magneto: Uh, yeah. Exnay on the Aggymay
Professor x: But that's what I always call you when we're
in be-
Magneto: BECKWELL's! The new store in the mall.
Professor x(seductively): You know how I get when you yell. (giggles
like a little girl. Magneto knocks everything off the desk and
they get it on.)
Magneto: Charles!
Professor x: Eric!
Magneto: Sugar bunny!
Professor x: Maggy!
Magneto: Scott!
Professor x: What?!
Magneto: Um, did I say Scott?
Professor x: Yes, and I want an explanation!
Magneto: Uh, I didn't finish. I was going to say... Scott,
um... Scotland! Yes, that's it. I was going to ask you if
you wanted to go with me to Scotland for a romantic weekend.
Professor x: Oh, okay.
Magneto (under his breath): that was a close one
Professor x: Good, I was afraid that you were sleeping with my-
my student.
Magneto: Um, shall we get back to the task at hand?
Professor x: Oh, yes of coarse. Carry on.
Magneto: Charles!
Professor x: Eric!
Magneto: Didn't we already do this part?
Professor x: Darn, now I'm distracted.
Magneto: Uh-oh.
Professor x: What was that?
Magneto: It looks like the boys could use pep talks.
Professor x: What- oh.
Magneto: I don't seem to remember this being a problem last
time...
Professor x: You know it's your fault. Oh well, I have these
pills, they do wonders for, this situation'
Magneto: Really?
Professor x: Really. My good friend Bob told me about them.
Bob Dole: I'm Bob Dole, and I'm really old, but I can
still get it up. What's wrong with you? I'm Bob Dole.
Magneto: That's nice, Bob, but how can that help us?
Bob Dole: I take one of my little friends, Viagra.
Magneto: Uh, that's great. Can I have some of those?
Bob Dole: Sure. (tosses him a bottle of pills and leaves)
Magneto (takes a pill): Ah, that's better!
Professor x: Shall we continue then?
Magneto: I'm Eric Lernsher. I'm really old, but now I
can-
Professor x: AAHHHHHHH!!! No! Let me see the bottle! (Magneto
tosses him the bottle) Oh, no! One of the side effects is: May
say very loudly things no one around them wants to hear. Curse
you Bob Dole, curse you! (He slaps Magneto) Snap out of it, man!
Magneto: Sorry, sugar bunny.
Professor x: Sugar Bunny? Awww, it's forgiven, Maggy.
Rogue8: That was horrible!
Batwoman: I can't see! I'm blind!
Rogue8: It wasn't quite that bad...
Batwoman: No, a flying...um...flying...thing hit me in the eye.
Rogue8: Oh, okay then. Since you can't see I'll tell
them the next one. Up next: Wolverine.
Batwoman: OH! I read this one! It's the one with the
chocolate syrup, right?
Rogue8: Shut up! You'll give away the story!
Wolverine: I'm home!
Jean(running up to him): Logan! Scott came back!
Wolverine: Good!
Jean: Are you okay?
(Scott walks in the room and Wolverine skewers him and throws him
out the window.)
Wolverine: I'm fine, why?
Jean: Nevermind. How'd you do that without getting any blood
on the carpet?
Wolverine: Old trick.
Jean: Oh. Say, when they gave you the adamantium, did it make all
of you harder?
Wolverine: If I told you it would ruin all the fun. You wanna
find out for yourself?
Batwoman: You're sick!
Rogue8: What? It was an honest question.
Batwoman: Where's the part with the chocolate syrup?
Rogue8: Edited for content. I can't keep the PG13 on this
with that scene.
Batwoman: Whatever.
Rogue 8: And now, it's time to visit the mind of-
Batwoman: CABLE!
Rogue8: that was my line! (hits Batwoman on head with script.)
Batwoman: ow!
Rogue8: Cable stood in a large field surrounded by bad guys. all
the bad guys ever. Apocalypse, stryfe, sinister, sabertooth,
magneto, and the greatest evils of all; menudo, the backstreet
boys, nsync, hanson, and, (dramatic music plays) Brittany spears!
Cable: (firing gun and killing various bad guys) I love shooting
my big guns! And I love polishing my big guns! And I love to-
Batwoman: That's sick! stop writing that!
Rogue8: It's not sick, you're sick.
Cable: And I love-
Batwoman: I'm not sick, you're sick!
Cable: AND I LOVE TO-
Rogue8: stop interrupting Cable!
Cable: AND I LOVE TO SHOOT THEM AT ANNOYING WRITERS THAT WON'T
SHUT UP!
(Cable shoots Batwoman, and him and Rogue8 go back to the x-mansion,
where she is showered with love and affection by every x-man (especially
Bobby and Nate.) (Except for Scott and the professor, who haven't
come out of the office in two weeks. They're to busy, ahem,
*filling papers* right now.)
Rogue8: You are now exiting the twilight zone...
Batwoman: You can't use the twilight zone.
Rogue8: You can't be here! Cable killed you!
Batwoman: Haven't you realized yet? Nobody stays dead here! (laughs
maniacaly)
Rogue8:(throws Cable's gun at Steph, knocking her unconscious)
But they do get KO'd a lot!