I Failed You
by Silver
*Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to Digimon or its characters.*
Author's note: This is another fic just like "As You Grow," "Hard Times," and "The Hidden You." You'll see who it's about.
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I failed you. I failed you as a mother and as a friend. Looking back, I can't believe how foolish I was. I can't understand how neglective and selfish I had been. I made a huge mistake by letting my ego go to my head, and I lost you because of that.
I shouldn't have been so stupid, I shouldn't have listened. When the neighbors kept on talking about how smart your brother was, I took it as a compliment to myself. I started to push your brother to become even smarter, so that I could be praised more as a good parent. Oh, God, how could I have done such a thing? Having a child isn't a means for achieving praise, it's an expression of love between the parents. Your father and I created you and your brother out of our love, but we forgot that.
I paid more attention to your brother, and not enough to you. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry! You were both so precious to me, but I never realized it until both of you were gone. Why can't we see the things that matter while we still have them? Why do we have to lose the people we love before we actually appreciate them for who they are?
I never should have forced your brother to become so smart. I wonder, did he ever hate me for that? Can he forgive me as he rests in heaven? I hope he can. When we lost your brother, I withdrew from you into my own suffering. I kept on ignoring you until you started to act like your brother. I felt as if his spirit had been reborn inside of you, but that was wrong. You're not your brother, you are your own wonderful self. You don't have to be a genius or a star, I'm proud of you because you are Ken Ichijouji, my son! You don't have to be perfect either. If you were perfect, then you wouldn't be human.
I look at you now. You're sitting on the railing of the back porch, your feet dangling over the edge, and you're blowing bubbles through a straw. It's just like when you were a child. You have such a content look on your face. For the first time in a long while, I think you truly feel happy. Oh, Ken, the sweetest sound in the world is when you call me "Mamma." I'm so glad that you've given me a second chance to be the mother that I should have been from the start. I promise you, I swear on my life, I'll get it right this time. Now come off that railing, I'm afraid you'll fall.
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