Gundam Wing: Endless Shorts
by Euterpe
OK folks, you pressured me into this one. After I submitted my "Gundam Shorts" series, I kept getting reviews telling me to do a set of shorts for "Endless Waltz". So I sat down and forced myself to watch the movie another 2 or3 times until even the stuff that wasn't funny at all suddenly became real hilarious. Frankly, I never was a real big fan of the movie to begin with-- I think the whole thing could've been cut down to just the parts with Heero and the puppy, and Trowa with no shirt on. But I did this for all of you out there who were nice enough to read my work. I hope you enjoy this fic-- it took a long time for me to get around to writing it. And now, the "Gundam Shorts" OAV, "Endless Shorts":
Disclaimer: *Enter Wufei, muttering to himself* "Hmph. Good riddance to her." *hears voice whispering from offstage* "What? I'm on? Why didn't anyone say anything? Fine. Good evening, everyone. I am Chang Wufei, proud warrior of the Dragon Clan, and I will be presenting the disclaimer to you this evening. The author originally had that woman Hilde scheduled for tonight, but all it took was a little convincing with my katana" *pulls out sword to demonstrate* "to make Euterpe see that I take priority over some female. You see, women are weak and easy to manipulate in such a way. I know that she's already had all the other pilots in to do her disclaimers, as well as that Peacecraft woman, and I feel it's unjust for her to consider them before me. It really hurts my feelings. But what else could I expect from a woman? This is just so typical--" *Enter Mariemaia, who cuts him off* "There you are, Wufei! Dekim's been lookin' all over for ya. Grampa says if you don't come back with me now he won't let you lead his army when he tries to take over the world." *Wufei sighs* "What does he want now, Miss Mariemaia?" *Mariemaia pouts* "Don't you remember? You promised to help me sell cookies for my Girl Scout troop. Suzy Noventa's already sold 500 boxes, and I hafta beat her!" "But Miss Mariemaia--" "And you have to wear this, for the customers!" *Mariemaia produces a Wufei-sized Brownie uniform, complete with skirt, from hammerspace* "It'll get them to buy more cookies. Now let's get going. We've gotta cover the L2 colony cluster before it gets dark out." *Wufei's eyes get watery and he starts sobbing* "Aw, come on. I wanna do the disclaimer first. Puh-leaze?" *Mariemaia considers this for a moment* "OK but make it quick mister." "Euterpe doesn't own Gundam Wing." *Mariemaia drags Wufei out by his ponytail* "Ow, watch it! That really hurts!"
...-- denotes flashback
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
First a bonus Gundam Short from the TV series-- "Trowa and Quatre's Duet". I just thought this one up when I was watching ep 4 for the hundredth time, and I had no place else to put it. It's the obligatory 4x3 in a fic that otherwise might lack it:
As they waited for the Maguanacs to make repairs on their mobile suits, Quatre invited the strange-haired young man he had met inside his compound. While watching the lean figure saunter gracefully next to him, the Arabian's thoughts quickly turned indecent. 'Damn, he's got a hot body,' he thought to himself. 'Now if only I could get him into the sack-- he looks very bendy, so I bet he'd be a lot of fun...' He shook his head, trying to restrain himself from thinking that way about his guest. 'I know. Playing the violin will calm me down and help me get my mind off of him.'
He led the other youth in the direction of his music room, and watched him take up residence in a corner as he prepared to play. 'He's very odd,' thought Quatre to himself as he pulled out the violin and bow from the case. 'He's barely spoken a word to me since we met, and I still don't even know his name.' As he broke off into a sweet melody, the stranger continued to haunt his thoughts. Suddenly, much to his surprise, the green-eyed boy strode over to a nearby cabinet that housed several instruments, opened it up, and picked out a flute. He placed it to his lips and began to accompany the lively song. As the blond looked up and noticed what was going on, a smile quickly spread across his face. 'He certainly has a very talented mouth...and talented hands, too,' he noted, as he continued the little game his guest had incited. He drew his bow across the instrument to produce a quick succession of notes that was immediately followed by a reply from the other boy and his flute. When they had at last finished their duet, they paused and stared at each other in amazement. The sexual tension in the room was so thick that you would need a beam saber to cut through it. Quatre threw down his violin, causing extensive damage to the priceless instrument, grabbed the other boy's hand, and dragged him off to the nearest storage closet.
Meanwhile, the Maguanac Corps was busy making repairs to both Gundam Sandrock and Gundam Heavyarms, and talking about the mysterious pilot who had shown up with a mobile suit so remarkably similar to their own master's. The massive weapon was clearly capable of doing a great deal of damage. Rashid thought about the new pilot. 'Lucky for us he's not our enemy. Master Quatre certainly seems to have taken a shine to him-- it's nice for him to be making friends.' Fortunately, the head Maguanac was unable to hear the shouts coming from across the compound, once voice crying "Harder, Quatre, harder!", and the other gasping in response, "Allah yes....um, whatever your name is!"
*****
As the other pilots were attempting to quell the rebellion led by Dekim Barton, Quatre found himself speeding along in a shuttle with the Maguanacs on a dangerous rescue maneuver. They were to retreive the Gundams, which they had recently sent on a one-way trip to the sun that would put a permanent end to the weapons of mass destruction. However, this move had been too hasty, and now they were faced with a dire situation that demanded they recover the giant machines before it was too late. As he prepared to board the satellite, Quatre recalled the reason for making this dangerous journey toward the sun to collect the mechs:
Only a few days before, he had been standing with Duo inside their craft, preparing the Gundams for their final trip. Each of them were saying their final goodbyes to the machines that had been their partners throughout the war. "I'm gonna miss you, Sandrock," Quatre whispered. Duo was expressing similar sentiments to Deathscythe. When both pilots were finally ready, they moved to safety and began jettisoning the massive weapons of war toward their destination. They watched in silence for a few moments until the vessel was out of sight, then Duo turned to Quatre and smiled sadly, "Well, buddy. I guess this is it." He began walking toward his shuttle. "I wish you the best of luck with your family's business and everything. Take care of yourself, and I hope to see you again soon." "Keep in touch, Duo. I expect you to visit sometimes," the Arabian reminded him. The braided pilot nodded, climbed into the shuttle, and began closing the door to the airlock. "So long, Q-man." He waved goodbye. A few minutes later, Duo was gone in his craft as well, headed in the direction of Earth. His blond friend now stood alone, contemplating with a mixture of both relief and regret just how much the times had changed for the five of them. 'So it's finally all over. No war, no more worries.' He thought, anxious to get back to a normal life.
But everything was far from over. Only a few hours later, Quatre received a call on his emergency line, which he was able to trace to Heero Yuy. Something had to be terribly wrong. Heero's face came onto the videophone, deadpan as ever. "Heero, what's wrong?" he inquired. The Japanese boy began to speak in an even tone. "Quatre, things have gone awry and we must change our plans. You need to recover the Gundams before it's too late." Recover the Gundams? In Quatre's mind, this could only mean one thing: war was once again imminent. "So it's back to fighting again for us, I suppose? All right, I'll get them back, for the sake of maintaining peace on Earth and in space." Suddenly, Duo's face popped up next to the Zero pilot's. "Um, actually, Q, that's not exactly what we need them for. Ya see, the thing is...when we were shipping them off, I kinda forgot some important stuff inside Deathscythe. Stuff that I really need." Quatre was growing suspicious. "Like what?" The American sweatdropped. "Um, my manga collection-- I kept my favorite issues in there. Would ya do me this favor-- go back and get them. Please?" This left the blond very unhappy. "You're kidding me. There's no way I'm going back now-- it's far too dangerous. I'm sorry, but the answer is no." Now it was Heero's turn to become discontent. "You /will/ retreive those mangas for Duo," he stated matter-of-factly, "Or else". Quatre gulped. "Now that you put it that way, it's no problem at all. I'll get on it right away."
As held on for dear life to the side of the natural resource satellite, Quatre thought bitterly, "That's the last time I listen to anything that Heero Yuy tells me. It's also the last time that I entrust Duo with any kind of responsibility. When I get back, I swear, I'm gonna have Trowa and Rashid kick their asses for this."
*****
Relena Dorlian/Peacecraft/Dorlian woke up disoriented, lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. The last thing she remembered was a meeting, drinking some tea, and then feeling very dizzy. 'That was weird. I wonder what happened," she thought to herself, unaware of the fact that she was being held prisoner by the Barton Foundation. Across the room was a high-backed leather chair that was turned away from her. As she stirred, the chair's occupant spun around and revealed herself to be a small redheaded girl. The child began to introduce herself: "I am Mariemaia Khushrenada, the daughter of Treize Khushrenada, and I am going to rule the world. You, Miss Relena, are going to help me." She began to outline her plan for global domination, while Relena just shook her head vaguely. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean." The seven year-old was discussing matters in a way that far exceeded Relena's own mental capacities.
Mariemaia sighed. She could see that her plan wasn't going to work unless she could put it into terms that the ex-princess could comprehend. "Fine. I'll give you a demonstration." Quickly, she turned back toward her desk, grabbed several items, and then spun around again. She held up the first item, a small doll about a foot high with platinum blond hair. "See? This Barbie represents the people on Earth." She picked up a similar doll in her other hand. "And this one is the people on the colonies. Now here's my plan. I have my soldiers come in and kill off all the Barbie dolls. See? Just like this!" She began ripping off the limbs of the toys, then jumping up and down on their dismembered body parts, while Relena watched, still confused. As the redhead's rage grew, she began shouting, "Die, Barbies, die!" After a moment, she paused to look down at the mess she had created. "Oh no, I killed all my Barbies. Well, you'll just have to take their place for me. I know, let's give you a makeover, Miss Relena! It'll be so much fun!" Relena felt better, now that she was sure she finally understood the girl's intentions. 'What a sweet little girl. She just wants to play with me. I bet I have nothing to worry about,' she decided, not noticing as Mariemaia pulled out a giant pair of scissors and began advancing towards her.
*****
(Sorry, this next one is probably the most tasteless thing you'll ever read. Now's your last chance to back out of reading it)
Duo looked over at the seat next to him. Heero was fast asleep, conserving his energy for their next mission. 'Poor guy. Even he needs a break once in a while. I can't begin to imagine how hard the war and all his training have been on him. I bet that kind of stuff even haunts him in his dreams.' The American let his imagination run away with him, as he tried to picture what could be going through Heero's mind at the moment:
*Cut to infamous "little girl and her dog" scene. Heero is seen laughing and playing, then he meets the girl, who gives him a flower and runs off. Next, Heero is seen destroying an Alliance base, satisfied that his mission has been accomplished, until a damaged mobile suit falls over and destroys the apartment building where the little girl lived, as he watches on in horror. He goes over to the wreckage and picks up the body of the dog, cradling it in his arms. Voices in the background discuss how their 'Perfect Soldier' is in need of further training*
By now, Duo was fighting back tears. How could the boy sleeping so peacefully next to him have had such a sad life? Every second must have been torture for him, filled with constant sorrow and guilt. He gasped as the Japanese pilot suddenly stirred, almost awakening, then relaxed once again. He was probably in the middle of another dream...
*Cut to Heero's actual dream* After he had finally closed his eyes and fell asleep, Heero felt all warm and fuzzy inside. As he entered his dreams, he found himself in a magical candy land, surrounded by little dancing gnomes and cute cuddly kittens. In the center of the candy land was a headstone that read "Relena Peacecraft, R.I.P.". To top it all off, there was a very naked Duo dancing atop the grave. 'Yep,' Heero mused as he watched Duo shake his ass, 'It just doesn't get any better than this...'*
(I warned you. Go back up and check. I most definitely warned you.)
*****
Alternate endings to EW:
I don't know about everyone else, but I was very dissatisfied with the ending to Endless Waltz. I mean, come on, the writers basically made it impossible for there to be any sequels or follow-up stories, and ended everything in a way that left a lot of people unhappy. So I took the liberty of creating my own endings for everyone. These are much better, right folks?:
~After the rebellion was resolved, Duo went to live with Hilde for a while to run their salvage business. This was until he regained his senses and got the hell away from her as fast as possible. He moved in with Heero. The couple is very happy together and Heero is expecting their first child in September.
~After Trowa returned to the circus, Quatre became sexually frustrated, until he decided there was only one viable solution. He bought the whole circus and fired the entire staff except for Trowa, who now provides him with private performances on demand.
~While serving in Mariemaia's army, Wufei had grown to enjoy wearing a uniform. Along with outside pressure from Miss Khushrenada, he made the decision to join Girl Scouts of the United Earth Sphere. He recently was promoted to the rank of Junior Girl Scout and has just earned his first Arts & Crafts badge.
~Faced with the prospect of becoming a wash-up at the age of seven, Mariemaia Khushrenada entered the world of television entertainment. She currently hosts her own morning talk show on ABC.
~Zechs Merquise and Lucrezia Noin headed off to take part in the terraforming operation that was beginning on Mars. However, Zechs quickly realized he couldn't get rid of Noin, even by travelling to another planet. He has since disappeared and was last seen living on the L1 colony, wearing a tinfoil mask and calling himself Char Aznable (Note: I hope you don't get this reference-- it means that your life is as sad as mine is). Fortunately, Noin has yet to find him.
~The Gundams were /not/ sent off into the sun or detonated. Instead, they were all stored in nice waterproof bubble-wrap containers, just in case another elementary school-aged dictator popped up somewhere.
~Relena Peacecraft was strapped to a natural resource satellite on a collision course with the sun. She was never heard from again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"C'mon, Wufei. Hurry up. If I sell 1,000 boxes, I get a T-shirt. And if I sell 2,000 boxes, I get my own natural resource satellite..." *Wufei and Mariemaia are in their Girl Scout uniforms on the doorstep of a house on L2. He rings the doorbell, and a moment later, the door opens, revealing Heero in a leather skirt and fishnet stockings, holding a pair of handcuffs* "Maxwell-Yuy residence. State your business--" *he suddenly notices Wufei* "Excuse me for a moment." *slams door in Wufei and Mariemaia's face. Sounds of hysterical laughter follow for a minute or two, then the door finally opens, and Heero has a deadpan expression on his face* "You're selling Girl Scout cookies? Fine, I'll take a box of Trefoils." *Duo shouts from upstairs* "Heero, what's going on down there? Come back to bed!" *Heero ducks his head back inside* "You've gotta see this, Duo. It's Wufei selling Girl Scout cookies. Come down quick." "I would be down there if someone hadn't taken my pants, Einstein. Have him put me down for 200 boxes of Samoas!" *Heero sighs* "You'd better be paying for that, 'cause I'm definitely not." *a wallet flies down the stairs and Duo calls out:* "There, that should be enough. Thanks a lot, Wu-man." *Heero pays Wufei and Mariemaia, and they leave, Mariemaia full of questions that Wufei would prefer not to answer. Heero goes back inside* "Duo, what the hell are you going to do with 200 boxes of Samoas?" *Duo grins slyly* "You'll find out when they get here."
Thanks to my adorable, sweet, caring, pretty, loving, intelligent, considerate sister, Qtpi123, for all her suggestions and editing. *authoress looks up* "That's just a bit overboard. I'm never letting my sister write her own thank-you again!"
by Euterpe
OK folks, you pressured me into this one. After I submitted my "Gundam Shorts" series, I kept getting reviews telling me to do a set of shorts for "Endless Waltz". So I sat down and forced myself to watch the movie another 2 or3 times until even the stuff that wasn't funny at all suddenly became real hilarious. Frankly, I never was a real big fan of the movie to begin with-- I think the whole thing could've been cut down to just the parts with Heero and the puppy, and Trowa with no shirt on. But I did this for all of you out there who were nice enough to read my work. I hope you enjoy this fic-- it took a long time for me to get around to writing it. And now, the "Gundam Shorts" OAV, "Endless Shorts":
Disclaimer: *Enter Wufei, muttering to himself* "Hmph. Good riddance to her." *hears voice whispering from offstage* "What? I'm on? Why didn't anyone say anything? Fine. Good evening, everyone. I am Chang Wufei, proud warrior of the Dragon Clan, and I will be presenting the disclaimer to you this evening. The author originally had that woman Hilde scheduled for tonight, but all it took was a little convincing with my katana" *pulls out sword to demonstrate* "to make Euterpe see that I take priority over some female. You see, women are weak and easy to manipulate in such a way. I know that she's already had all the other pilots in to do her disclaimers, as well as that Peacecraft woman, and I feel it's unjust for her to consider them before me. It really hurts my feelings. But what else could I expect from a woman? This is just so typical--" *Enter Mariemaia, who cuts him off* "There you are, Wufei! Dekim's been lookin' all over for ya. Grampa says if you don't come back with me now he won't let you lead his army when he tries to take over the world." *Wufei sighs* "What does he want now, Miss Mariemaia?" *Mariemaia pouts* "Don't you remember? You promised to help me sell cookies for my Girl Scout troop. Suzy Noventa's already sold 500 boxes, and I hafta beat her!" "But Miss Mariemaia--" "And you have to wear this, for the customers!" *Mariemaia produces a Wufei-sized Brownie uniform, complete with skirt, from hammerspace* "It'll get them to buy more cookies. Now let's get going. We've gotta cover the L2 colony cluster before it gets dark out." *Wufei's eyes get watery and he starts sobbing* "Aw, come on. I wanna do the disclaimer first. Puh-leaze?" *Mariemaia considers this for a moment* "OK but make it quick mister." "Euterpe doesn't own Gundam Wing." *Mariemaia drags Wufei out by his ponytail* "Ow, watch it! That really hurts!"
...-- denotes flashback
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
First a bonus Gundam Short from the TV series-- "Trowa and Quatre's Duet". I just thought this one up when I was watching ep 4 for the hundredth time, and I had no place else to put it. It's the obligatory 4x3 in a fic that otherwise might lack it:
As they waited for the Maguanacs to make repairs on their mobile suits, Quatre invited the strange-haired young man he had met inside his compound. While watching the lean figure saunter gracefully next to him, the Arabian's thoughts quickly turned indecent. 'Damn, he's got a hot body,' he thought to himself. 'Now if only I could get him into the sack-- he looks very bendy, so I bet he'd be a lot of fun...' He shook his head, trying to restrain himself from thinking that way about his guest. 'I know. Playing the violin will calm me down and help me get my mind off of him.'
He led the other youth in the direction of his music room, and watched him take up residence in a corner as he prepared to play. 'He's very odd,' thought Quatre to himself as he pulled out the violin and bow from the case. 'He's barely spoken a word to me since we met, and I still don't even know his name.' As he broke off into a sweet melody, the stranger continued to haunt his thoughts. Suddenly, much to his surprise, the green-eyed boy strode over to a nearby cabinet that housed several instruments, opened it up, and picked out a flute. He placed it to his lips and began to accompany the lively song. As the blond looked up and noticed what was going on, a smile quickly spread across his face. 'He certainly has a very talented mouth...and talented hands, too,' he noted, as he continued the little game his guest had incited. He drew his bow across the instrument to produce a quick succession of notes that was immediately followed by a reply from the other boy and his flute. When they had at last finished their duet, they paused and stared at each other in amazement. The sexual tension in the room was so thick that you would need a beam saber to cut through it. Quatre threw down his violin, causing extensive damage to the priceless instrument, grabbed the other boy's hand, and dragged him off to the nearest storage closet.
Meanwhile, the Maguanac Corps was busy making repairs to both Gundam Sandrock and Gundam Heavyarms, and talking about the mysterious pilot who had shown up with a mobile suit so remarkably similar to their own master's. The massive weapon was clearly capable of doing a great deal of damage. Rashid thought about the new pilot. 'Lucky for us he's not our enemy. Master Quatre certainly seems to have taken a shine to him-- it's nice for him to be making friends.' Fortunately, the head Maguanac was unable to hear the shouts coming from across the compound, once voice crying "Harder, Quatre, harder!", and the other gasping in response, "Allah yes....um, whatever your name is!"
*****
As the other pilots were attempting to quell the rebellion led by Dekim Barton, Quatre found himself speeding along in a shuttle with the Maguanacs on a dangerous rescue maneuver. They were to retreive the Gundams, which they had recently sent on a one-way trip to the sun that would put a permanent end to the weapons of mass destruction. However, this move had been too hasty, and now they were faced with a dire situation that demanded they recover the giant machines before it was too late. As he prepared to board the satellite, Quatre recalled the reason for making this dangerous journey toward the sun to collect the mechs:
Only a few days before, he had been standing with Duo inside their craft, preparing the Gundams for their final trip. Each of them were saying their final goodbyes to the machines that had been their partners throughout the war. "I'm gonna miss you, Sandrock," Quatre whispered. Duo was expressing similar sentiments to Deathscythe. When both pilots were finally ready, they moved to safety and began jettisoning the massive weapons of war toward their destination. They watched in silence for a few moments until the vessel was out of sight, then Duo turned to Quatre and smiled sadly, "Well, buddy. I guess this is it." He began walking toward his shuttle. "I wish you the best of luck with your family's business and everything. Take care of yourself, and I hope to see you again soon." "Keep in touch, Duo. I expect you to visit sometimes," the Arabian reminded him. The braided pilot nodded, climbed into the shuttle, and began closing the door to the airlock. "So long, Q-man." He waved goodbye. A few minutes later, Duo was gone in his craft as well, headed in the direction of Earth. His blond friend now stood alone, contemplating with a mixture of both relief and regret just how much the times had changed for the five of them. 'So it's finally all over. No war, no more worries.' He thought, anxious to get back to a normal life.
But everything was far from over. Only a few hours later, Quatre received a call on his emergency line, which he was able to trace to Heero Yuy. Something had to be terribly wrong. Heero's face came onto the videophone, deadpan as ever. "Heero, what's wrong?" he inquired. The Japanese boy began to speak in an even tone. "Quatre, things have gone awry and we must change our plans. You need to recover the Gundams before it's too late." Recover the Gundams? In Quatre's mind, this could only mean one thing: war was once again imminent. "So it's back to fighting again for us, I suppose? All right, I'll get them back, for the sake of maintaining peace on Earth and in space." Suddenly, Duo's face popped up next to the Zero pilot's. "Um, actually, Q, that's not exactly what we need them for. Ya see, the thing is...when we were shipping them off, I kinda forgot some important stuff inside Deathscythe. Stuff that I really need." Quatre was growing suspicious. "Like what?" The American sweatdropped. "Um, my manga collection-- I kept my favorite issues in there. Would ya do me this favor-- go back and get them. Please?" This left the blond very unhappy. "You're kidding me. There's no way I'm going back now-- it's far too dangerous. I'm sorry, but the answer is no." Now it was Heero's turn to become discontent. "You /will/ retreive those mangas for Duo," he stated matter-of-factly, "Or else". Quatre gulped. "Now that you put it that way, it's no problem at all. I'll get on it right away."
As held on for dear life to the side of the natural resource satellite, Quatre thought bitterly, "That's the last time I listen to anything that Heero Yuy tells me. It's also the last time that I entrust Duo with any kind of responsibility. When I get back, I swear, I'm gonna have Trowa and Rashid kick their asses for this."
*****
Relena Dorlian/Peacecraft/Dorlian woke up disoriented, lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. The last thing she remembered was a meeting, drinking some tea, and then feeling very dizzy. 'That was weird. I wonder what happened," she thought to herself, unaware of the fact that she was being held prisoner by the Barton Foundation. Across the room was a high-backed leather chair that was turned away from her. As she stirred, the chair's occupant spun around and revealed herself to be a small redheaded girl. The child began to introduce herself: "I am Mariemaia Khushrenada, the daughter of Treize Khushrenada, and I am going to rule the world. You, Miss Relena, are going to help me." She began to outline her plan for global domination, while Relena just shook her head vaguely. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean." The seven year-old was discussing matters in a way that far exceeded Relena's own mental capacities.
Mariemaia sighed. She could see that her plan wasn't going to work unless she could put it into terms that the ex-princess could comprehend. "Fine. I'll give you a demonstration." Quickly, she turned back toward her desk, grabbed several items, and then spun around again. She held up the first item, a small doll about a foot high with platinum blond hair. "See? This Barbie represents the people on Earth." She picked up a similar doll in her other hand. "And this one is the people on the colonies. Now here's my plan. I have my soldiers come in and kill off all the Barbie dolls. See? Just like this!" She began ripping off the limbs of the toys, then jumping up and down on their dismembered body parts, while Relena watched, still confused. As the redhead's rage grew, she began shouting, "Die, Barbies, die!" After a moment, she paused to look down at the mess she had created. "Oh no, I killed all my Barbies. Well, you'll just have to take their place for me. I know, let's give you a makeover, Miss Relena! It'll be so much fun!" Relena felt better, now that she was sure she finally understood the girl's intentions. 'What a sweet little girl. She just wants to play with me. I bet I have nothing to worry about,' she decided, not noticing as Mariemaia pulled out a giant pair of scissors and began advancing towards her.
*****
(Sorry, this next one is probably the most tasteless thing you'll ever read. Now's your last chance to back out of reading it)
Duo looked over at the seat next to him. Heero was fast asleep, conserving his energy for their next mission. 'Poor guy. Even he needs a break once in a while. I can't begin to imagine how hard the war and all his training have been on him. I bet that kind of stuff even haunts him in his dreams.' The American let his imagination run away with him, as he tried to picture what could be going through Heero's mind at the moment:
*Cut to infamous "little girl and her dog" scene. Heero is seen laughing and playing, then he meets the girl, who gives him a flower and runs off. Next, Heero is seen destroying an Alliance base, satisfied that his mission has been accomplished, until a damaged mobile suit falls over and destroys the apartment building where the little girl lived, as he watches on in horror. He goes over to the wreckage and picks up the body of the dog, cradling it in his arms. Voices in the background discuss how their 'Perfect Soldier' is in need of further training*
By now, Duo was fighting back tears. How could the boy sleeping so peacefully next to him have had such a sad life? Every second must have been torture for him, filled with constant sorrow and guilt. He gasped as the Japanese pilot suddenly stirred, almost awakening, then relaxed once again. He was probably in the middle of another dream...
*Cut to Heero's actual dream* After he had finally closed his eyes and fell asleep, Heero felt all warm and fuzzy inside. As he entered his dreams, he found himself in a magical candy land, surrounded by little dancing gnomes and cute cuddly kittens. In the center of the candy land was a headstone that read "Relena Peacecraft, R.I.P.". To top it all off, there was a very naked Duo dancing atop the grave. 'Yep,' Heero mused as he watched Duo shake his ass, 'It just doesn't get any better than this...'*
(I warned you. Go back up and check. I most definitely warned you.)
*****
Alternate endings to EW:
I don't know about everyone else, but I was very dissatisfied with the ending to Endless Waltz. I mean, come on, the writers basically made it impossible for there to be any sequels or follow-up stories, and ended everything in a way that left a lot of people unhappy. So I took the liberty of creating my own endings for everyone. These are much better, right folks?:
~After the rebellion was resolved, Duo went to live with Hilde for a while to run their salvage business. This was until he regained his senses and got the hell away from her as fast as possible. He moved in with Heero. The couple is very happy together and Heero is expecting their first child in September.
~After Trowa returned to the circus, Quatre became sexually frustrated, until he decided there was only one viable solution. He bought the whole circus and fired the entire staff except for Trowa, who now provides him with private performances on demand.
~While serving in Mariemaia's army, Wufei had grown to enjoy wearing a uniform. Along with outside pressure from Miss Khushrenada, he made the decision to join Girl Scouts of the United Earth Sphere. He recently was promoted to the rank of Junior Girl Scout and has just earned his first Arts & Crafts badge.
~Faced with the prospect of becoming a wash-up at the age of seven, Mariemaia Khushrenada entered the world of television entertainment. She currently hosts her own morning talk show on ABC.
~Zechs Merquise and Lucrezia Noin headed off to take part in the terraforming operation that was beginning on Mars. However, Zechs quickly realized he couldn't get rid of Noin, even by travelling to another planet. He has since disappeared and was last seen living on the L1 colony, wearing a tinfoil mask and calling himself Char Aznable (Note: I hope you don't get this reference-- it means that your life is as sad as mine is). Fortunately, Noin has yet to find him.
~The Gundams were /not/ sent off into the sun or detonated. Instead, they were all stored in nice waterproof bubble-wrap containers, just in case another elementary school-aged dictator popped up somewhere.
~Relena Peacecraft was strapped to a natural resource satellite on a collision course with the sun. She was never heard from again.
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"C'mon, Wufei. Hurry up. If I sell 1,000 boxes, I get a T-shirt. And if I sell 2,000 boxes, I get my own natural resource satellite..." *Wufei and Mariemaia are in their Girl Scout uniforms on the doorstep of a house on L2. He rings the doorbell, and a moment later, the door opens, revealing Heero in a leather skirt and fishnet stockings, holding a pair of handcuffs* "Maxwell-Yuy residence. State your business--" *he suddenly notices Wufei* "Excuse me for a moment." *slams door in Wufei and Mariemaia's face. Sounds of hysterical laughter follow for a minute or two, then the door finally opens, and Heero has a deadpan expression on his face* "You're selling Girl Scout cookies? Fine, I'll take a box of Trefoils." *Duo shouts from upstairs* "Heero, what's going on down there? Come back to bed!" *Heero ducks his head back inside* "You've gotta see this, Duo. It's Wufei selling Girl Scout cookies. Come down quick." "I would be down there if someone hadn't taken my pants, Einstein. Have him put me down for 200 boxes of Samoas!" *Heero sighs* "You'd better be paying for that, 'cause I'm definitely not." *a wallet flies down the stairs and Duo calls out:* "There, that should be enough. Thanks a lot, Wu-man." *Heero pays Wufei and Mariemaia, and they leave, Mariemaia full of questions that Wufei would prefer not to answer. Heero goes back inside* "Duo, what the hell are you going to do with 200 boxes of Samoas?" *Duo grins slyly* "You'll find out when they get here."
Thanks to my adorable, sweet, caring, pretty, loving, intelligent, considerate sister, Qtpi123, for all her suggestions and editing. *authoress looks up* "That's just a bit overboard. I'm never letting my sister write her own thank-you again!"