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Chapter Three: Omoi (Thoughts) |
Koganei-san is nice enough. I get the feeling that he's always watching me; however, that's normal for a superior to watch his subordinate, especially during the first half-year.
I've only been here for two months now. I strive to do my best job; hopefully, that will ease his eagle eye. But despite my efforts, my promptness, and my efficiency, he still has a habit of summoning me into his office for any imagined reason.
It's as though to say, "I'm keeping my eye on you."
I do my best to come through.
Sometimes, I wonder. Is it all business with him? I've attracted my fair share of men in my life, and can usually discern when I'm being contemplated in That Way. Yet with Koganei-san, I find it difficult to imagine him imagining me as a potential love interest. I chide myself for thinking such things; surely, he has better things to do than think of me Like That.
For that matter, I have better things to do than think of him in That Way.
I've gone out a few times with the others in the office-- in groups, of course. But past experience has told me it's best not to mix my personal and professional lives so closely, and I remain somewhat aloof from any would-be advances.
Yet I find myself somehow attracted to Koganei-san, on a level that I can't quite explain. It's like we have a bond between us... a bond established before we even met. We have a certain rapport... a certain sense of 'togetherness', dare I say... our minds work on the same wavelength.
I sense... something... in him, and it intrigues me. Yet he remains a mystery to me, even though so far away. I can't put my finger on it exactly, yet I can't deny that it's there. That... something...
I wonder if he feels it, too.
I go about my work, mechanically, like an efficient machine. One part of my mind is processing the numbers and lists dutifully. Yet another part of my mind is creating an elaborate scenario, with an imaginary Koganei-san, and an imaginary me, and the way it could have been, if only.
How much of my life can be summed up as "could have been, if only?"
It's time for my feet to stay on the ground. My childhood was crazy; the thing of fantasies. I had more than enough excitement in my early years. Now that I am an adult, I need to keep my head from the clouds.