To Begin Again
10 years post-TPM. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan begins to let go of his past.
It's been ten years today Master. Ten years since I lost you. I dread this day, but at the same time, I treasure it. It's when all the memories of our days together hit me the hardest. I laugh a little, and then find myself crying. Each time I think I am over your death...I find that one place in my mind that holds my dearest memories of you, and I lose myself in those thoughts.
Anakin has become quite a young man. Yet his anger concerns me. I do not know what our future holds...sometimes I just can't seem to connect with him. I am certain that I was never meant to train him. I fear what lies ahead.
The time has come for me to truly let go of the past. I have carried one part of you with me since your death...your lightsaber. It's the one thing that I hold dearer than anything or anyone. It is my link to you...or is it my weakness? I haven't been able to let go completely Master. Perhaps if I let go of this one piece of our life together...I can move on with my own life.
It's so hard Master. Even now, I miss you so very much. I miss your friendship most of all. I could talk to you about anything. Did I ever tell you how much I enjoyed our talks? I remember when you helped me to build my first real lightsaber, unlike the training sabers we built as initiates. You were so patient with me...so encouraging. I miss that stability in my life. There is no stability anymore.
When you died, part of me died with you. But now, I believe I am ready to say goodbye to you Master. I will retire your saber, replace it with the one I made just last year. I will place it in my room, in our quarters. The room that was at one time, yours. There I have holo-graph pictures of the two of us together. One was taken not long after you accepted me as your apprentice...the other was taken just a year before your death. They give me strength when I need it the most.
I do my best not to dwell on the past, but at times, when I need someone to talk to, I find myself talking to you. As it happens, a sense of peace comes over me after these times. Perhaps you are listening to me Master? Perhaps you hear my words, and feel my pain?
There is no death; there is the Force. How many times have I heard that since your passing? If there is no death, why is there so much hurt inside me? I want to move on, I need to move on, but I don't ever want to forget what you were in my life. That is why, at long last, your saber will rest.
You should see the new one I've constructed? It's a lot like yours. I thought I'd honor our past, and create a blue blade, just like I had when I was your Padawan. This is symbol of my new life. One that I owe to you.
I should go now Master, I've been here long enough. I thank my friends and the Council for allowing me to spend this one-day without interruption. They tell me to let go, but they also know how important it is to keep ones memory alive. They honor you and your sacrifice, just as I do.
I wish I knew that you hear me. I wish...just once more, that your words would echo in my ears. I wish...I wish...you were still at my side. If I close my eyes...I can see your gentle features gazing back at me.
I am moving on Master. I am beginning again. What will the rest of this life hold for me? I can only imagine.
I only wish...that one day in the future...I will be at your side once more.
END