| What Now? Part Five |
Neon answered the knock at the door. A woman with long green hair and a short black dress stood in the doorway, with a bright smile on her face. The smile faded a little when she caught sight of Neon, but the latter's sweatpants and baggy T-shirt gave her confidence.
"Hi! Is Hiroji-san in?"
"Hir- yes, Hiroji's in," said Neon, opening the door wider and allowing the newcomer inside. "Hirooooooo---ji!" she called. "You've got another one!"
Joker came bustling into the foyer at top speed. "Oi, Neon-han, you don't have to put it like that," he said, scowling ferociously. He pasted on a brilliant smile for his visitor. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Ana-chan."
"Oh, I just got here—" She was a bit surprised when Joker took her firmly by the elbow and propelled her back towards the door. Almost like he was trying to escape…
Neon only smirked.
"Have fun, kids," she said brightly as they passed her. "Hirooooji, be sure to be back by 11," she added in a sultry voice. "I'll be sure to have the blankets all nice and warm for you when you come home."
As the door pulled shut, she could hear Ana-chan's curious voice, "Who is that woman?" and Joker's nervous laugh.
Neon snickered. Serves him right, for having embarrassed her the other night. Yes, she had wanted to get rid of her date—who she had made the mistake of inviting inside for a nightcap. She had been thinking about one last sociable drink, then bid adieu and never see him again. He'd seemed to
have been leaning towards the idea of pajamas and breakfast the next morning.
He'd refused to leave, ignoring Neon's subtle and not-so-subtle hints that he should make his departure… until Joker had made his own grand entrance, coming in from his own night on the town. One pleading look from Neon told him the whole situation, and he'd instantly taken it upon his own hands to free her of her unwanted admirer.
"Oi, Snugglebunny," he'd said, walking up behind her and draping his arms around her. "Tell your little friend goodnight and come to bed."
Her 'little friend' had stared uncomfortably at Joker. "Who's that?" he'd asked.
"Who do you think owns this penthouse?" Joker had returned, calmly returning his stare, absentmindedly nuzzling the top of Neon's head. "I let her live here… because I like her. I don't like you… so you can't spend the night. But Cuddlebug's welcome to stay as long as she likes…"
It hadn't been much longer after that before her 'little friend' had beat a hasty retreat.
"What do you think you were doing?!" Neon had demanded, relieved yet embarrassed beyond belief.
"Oi, I got rid of him, ne?" asked Joker calmly, rummaging through the kitchen for milk and cookies.
"Yes, but you didn't have to put such thoughts in his head that I—that I—"
"What do you care about what people think?" Joker had reasoned.
"Well, since I'm trying to be a normal person, I don't want them to think I'm some floozy you just picked up off the street," Neon had snarled. "I've got a career now." Neon plopped down on the couch, glancing behind her at the closed door through which Joker and Ana-chan had left. She
was trying to be a normal person… she was trying to get over Kurei-sama. But it was so difficult to find anyone she wanted to really spend time with, get to know better… there was no lack of men who would love to take her out for a night on the town, but they all bored her. They all paled in
comparison to Kurei. Kurei had been so complex, so deep, a man of contrasts. He was cold to so many others…. Yet he could be a warm and caring son. Or lover. His hatreds burned in his heart with an unfathomable passion… and yet who would suspect that he was capable of an equally capacious love? Fate had been cruel to Kurei, yet he managed to be strong. Why did she have to be so weak?
She inwardly cursed herself. It had been a full three months by now, yet every day dragged as if it were ten. Kurei might have forgotten all about her… all about what had been them… maybe even before he had dismissed her from his service. Why could she not forget in return? She, Neon,
formerly of the Jyushinshuu… how many times had she steeled her heart and hidden her emotions? Why could she not draw upon that stoniness now, when she really needed it? She knew it was futile to obsess over him. She knew better than to delude herself that he would suddenly change his mind and take her back—especially after so much time had passed. Yet why was he the measuring-stick against which she unconsciously compared every other potential Hopeful? And why did they always come up short? She knew that there could never be another Kurei-sama in her life, that she should judge each of her Potentials on their own merits… yet she couldn't bring herself to actually put that into practice.
She needed someone new, to help her forget. But did she want to forget him? Her Kurei-sama had been so important to her in the last several years of her life, in varying stages of closeness and intimacy. She had been his maid, then one of his Uruha, then promoted to Jyushinshuu… and finally, his
lover. If he called her back to him that very evening, she would lose no time in rushing into his arms. Forget pride. Forget pretenses. She could dispose of both for the sake of their happiness.
Happiness. How could she have happiness without him? The one she had sworn to live for, to die for. He had broken her heart as though she was nothing. Not once, but twice. The first time was when she had awoken, alone and abandoned, in the hospital. Strange… she had never been very much attached in a relationship before. Before she had joined up with the Uruha, she had always been pretty and popular. There had never been any lack of eager young males wanting to go out. But they had never been particularly meaningful to her. They'd been good for getting gifts… dinner… movies… they had been entertainment to keep her from getting bored. They hadn't been people, they had been her toys, her puppets, and
when she was finished with one, she would find someone new to amuse her. But her Kurei-sama was different. She had been sincere with him. She had been vulnerable, because what she had felt for him had been real. What a fool she had been… could she allow herself to open up to someone new?
A stray tear trickled down her cheek, and she sniffled unhappily. Why did it have to still hurt so badly, even after so much time had passed? Joker and Raiha had assured her she'd get over it. But she didn't want to get over it. She wanted things to be back the way they were.
She almost didn't hear the door open. "Forgot my wallet!" said Joker cheerfully, bustling through the living room. He'd left Ana-chan in the car as a precaution. "Ana-chan will kill me if I make her pay for dinner… you'll protect me, Neon-han, h'm?" He stopped short when he caught sight of
Neon's puffy eyes. "Oi, Neon-han, if you keep looking like that, you won't attract any men at all."
"Go away," sulked Neon. "What do you know."
Joker left the room, and in a few moments, returned with his wallet in his hand. But instead of hurrying back outside, he plopped comfortably down on the couch next to her. "You're the only one who can solve this," he said reasonably, his voice with a sudden uncharacteristic edge of seriousness to it. "No matter how much Raiha or I can talk to you—you're the only one who can fix your own life."
Neon blew her nose loudly. "I've tried," she sulked.
"No you haven't. You should give the other guys a chance. At least give yourself the chance to be distracted enough to the point where you actually have fun. It doesn't mean that they'll ever fill the gap that Kurei-han left… but you owe it to yourself to try and make yourself happy." He smiled
earnestly at her. "You need to find something to concentrate on that will distract you… and besides, things always work out for the best in the end. Not how we expect things to, but they always work out. It's just a matter of time. It's cliché… but it's very true."
"Hmph," said Neon, not looking at him.
He stood up. "Oi, you're cranky," he remarked, his voice light-hearted once more. "No wonder the men are frightened of you. See ya later… Cuddlebug." He planted a cheerful kiss on the top of her head and then beat a hasty retreat.
Neon clutched her couch cushion tightly. It just wouldn't do, for her to be like this… she would have to become stronger, make a more sincere attempt to fix her life. Raiha and Joker would think badly of her if she continued to mope and sulk like she'd been doing recently. Fine. She'd get out of the house and force herself to have fun, even if it killed her.
She dug out her address book and picked a random name from a random page. She dialed the number, and a male voice answered. "Moshi-moshi."
"Hello, Tetsuzan-san? This is Neon… yes, that's right. Mm-hmm… say, I was wondering if you'd be interested in catching the 9 o'clock showing of Sakiyurai Sanetomo's new movie… mmm, yes, I hear it's very good. You would? Wonderful… you know how to get here? Yes, the top floor. All right… I'll see you then."
She hung up the receiver and her eyes shone. That wasn't so hard! She took a deep breath and then wandered over towards her wardrobe. What to wear, what to wear…? It was a familiar, comfortable dilemma… and for the first time in much too long, the knot in her stomach seemed to have truly
disappeared.