Sephiroth's revenge! (Revenge of the Turks 2)
Roses are are red, bluebells are....errr....blue, I don't own FF, so nuts to you! ^_^ hee hee!
Hi folks! It's Flayme again and here's my latest fic for your enjoyment! It'll make you laugh! It'll make you cry (with laughter)! But anyway, my apologies to fans of my FF8 series "Zell's wacky inventions" I'm running out of ideas for the 5th one so it might not be as good as the others. Anyway, this is the sequel to "Revenge of the turks" hope ya like it! ^_^
(The scene is in Sephiroth's room, Jenova is standing next to Sephy, who is asleep in bed)
Jenova:My poor Sephiwefums....(she strokes his hair as he dozes in bed) My poor little boy....I'm going to kill Rufus and Reeve with my bare hands for this!
(He wakes up and looks at Jenova, slight anger apparent on his face)
Jenova:Sephy, what's wrong?
Sephy:Just turn on the TV ,mom, and go...
(Jenova starts to leave. Shinra presents Gaea's funniest home videos is playing. Sephiroth laughs as a moogle gets sprayed with a shook-up cola.)
Jenova:*I wonder what's wrong with my little boy?* (shuts the door)
Sephy:Take that you old witch! Oh damn she was standing in the window spot when the house fell down.....I like that moogle clip best though.
TV presenter:And now, this fanastic tape sent in to us by two of shinra's finest-----Rufus shinra and Mitchell Reeve!
Sephy:Oh GOD! They wouldn't DARE! Would they....?
TV presenter:This is called "Revenge of the turks"!
Sephy:I must be being punished...(he hides his eyes with his hand hoping to make it all go away but he looks and the tape is just starting)
("DEMON CHOCO!" the tape shows Sephiroth throwing pillows at the seemingly innocent little bird on the screen)
(At Cid's house, Cid is watching the tape on TV)
Cid:This can't possibly....but no one else looks like tha....AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! (rolling on the floor laughing) *Oh god....I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard* Oh good...wheez commercial break....
("Shinra Hairspray, what the gods of good hair use" Rufus and Sephiroth grin evilly into the camera before it flashes to a shot of the can.)
Cid:I wonder if any of the other guys caught this?
(Meanwhile, in Sephy's room)
Sephy:Why me....?
(Sephy watches in horror as the scene that placed him in hospital for 3 days unfolds before his eyes. The little bugger makes a peck at his nose...then bites the seat out of his new boxers)
Sephy:This is too much....(he flips the TV off and starts to cry) This isn't sniff fair....I may have made them watch barney....sniff....but I didn't broadcast their reactions on global TV! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
(Sparky, my little bro (he's a Sephy-worshipper ya know) is standing outside Sephy's door.)
Sparky:*Oh crap...I can hear him crying again....his mother'll kill me*
(he knocks on the door but the crying just intensifies, he opens the door and sees Sephy crying into a pillow clutched in one hand, and strangling the TV remote with the other hand)
Sparky:You poor guy....hey, you want me to get you a tissue?
Sephy:sniff Uh-huh...
Sparky:(Realises he's got his tail trapped in the door) Oh dammit.. (sephy looks at him as he pulls his tail out of the door, then flies 3 feet backwards into a wall) OOF!
Sephy:sniff (starts crying again)
Sparky:*Man.....he must be REALLY upset...he usually laughs at my accidents* (he brushes his messy blonde hair out of his face and passes Sephy a Kleenex) What happened?
Sephy:(blows his nose carefully as not to disturb the bandages) I made the turks and Reeve watch Barney's Adventure as punishment for failing a mission..sniff and then they played this horrible practical joke on me and sent itinto the station to be played on global TV...(he starts crying again)
Sparky:(shocked) You made them watch BARNEY?
Sephy:Does it matter? I could have made them go on the small world ride at the Disneyland I bought out 15 times in a row...sniff....but I didn't publicly humiliate them like this! (he blows his nose again)
Sparky:(he sits on the edge of the bed to hold the box of Kleenex for Sephy) You're right...it was cruel of them...I'm here for ya, buddy...(he pats Sephy on the back and gives him a hug) I'm sure you'll think of something to get back at them....
(At Cloud and Aeris's place....)
Cloud:*Spike's back home...lovingly placed in the chocobo stall.* sigh
(he hears Aeris laughing from the kitchen, so he walks in and sees she has the TV on)
Cloud:REEVE'S PRACTICAL JOKE?!?!? He actually sent it to the station?!?!? They're showing it AGAIN? *I think Aeris's gonna lay an egg in a minute...Man look at Sephy go! What? 50mph??? Jeez, Spike's scarier than I thought*
(He bursts out laughing as he sees Sephiroth with the chocobo clamped onto his ass)
(At Vincent's apartment)
Vincent:*It's been a long day....being unemployed is more boring than I thought...* Oh great the afternoon movie seems to have been replaced with the "Panting Chocobo Show"..Why are all those birds pressed against the window? Who's the weirdo with the tail feathers? Wait a sec...I know that hair!!! It's Sephiroth with a chocobo stuck to his ass! I will not laugh....I will not laugh....I will not.....
(he just can't contain himself and bursts out laughing)
(And, at Cid's house...)
Cid:Dammit....the TV sez they're interrupting Pokemon for a special announcement...This had better be a fuckin' imporatant announcement to interrupt MY show....Oh, it's Sephiroth I wonder what he has to say this time?
TV Sephiroth:ahem "I have come here today...."
(the TV studio, after Sephy's speech)
Sephy:Roll the clips, Sparky!
Sparky:Okey-dokey-smokey!
(The sceen behind Sephiroth flickers and Rufus appears. He's got nothin on exept his white Y-fronts and his red hair is stuck out at odd angles. His eyes are squinting as he runs into the door twice, before realising he has to open it. Then he bumps into the wall several times before going down the hallway.)
Sephy:Yes folks you guessed it....This is Rufus Shinra in the moring before his coffee!!
(The scene changes. Tseng is dressed in Navy blue pikachu print PJ's and is sprawled across his bed like a sack of potatoes. The sound that issues from his mouth is amazing in both pitch and volume. Really it's comparable to a waterfall, so loud that there's static in the voice projector. Then Tseng rolls over to curl in a baby position, hugging a pink blanket and sucking his thumb.)
Sephy:Tseng wears cute pajamas, and still needs his "security blankie"
(The clip changes again. It's a plain-looking blonde woman. She looks a bit bleary and stares into a mirror. She runs her hand through her poofy hair with a yawn that exposes a filling in one of her back teeth. She is quite unremarkable and could be anyone's girlfriend, sister, or cousin. And,to note, her bra is the fleshtone, padded, push-up kind)
Sephy:You don't know who this little plain Jane is? Do you? I'll give you a hint....THIS IS ELENA WITHOUT HER MAKEUP!!!!!
(The scene is outdoors at night....Reno is walking out on the streets by himself, looking over his shoulder. The little guy is rather nervous-looking as he walks up to a girl-not a hooker mind you-this is a nice upstanding girl gives her 100gil and says "Tell everyone you went out on a date with me". She sniffs and says "Alright you shaggy little weasel". Reno murmurs something as he walks off, just loud enough for the camera to hear, "I'm glad the new inflatable doll came.....the patches in the old one were chafing")
Sephy:And yes, Reno's legendary prowess with the ladies is just that, a legend.
(The next scene is in a public restroom. Rude grins in the mirror like an idiot and pulls a can out of his pocket and a shammy and rag out of the other. He washes his head and shammies it off. Then he opens the can which reads "Shinra brand car wax" he rubs some on and buffs his head until it gleams.)
Sephy:I think this one is self-explanatory. (he turns round and yellls at the image) YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE A BRAND NEW DAIHATSU!THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!!
(The image shifts again. It's now a darkened office, where someone has made a tent with a sheet, a desk, and a chair. We can hear momantary swearing and cursing, then silly childish giggles. Through the sheet, which is of dancing moogle print, glows a soft light like a flashlight, and the laughter hits again. The camera takes on another angle and reeve is sitting inside in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, a candy bar next to him, reading a Sailor Moon manga comic with a flashlight. He giggles like a schoolgirl and says "You tell 'em Usagi!")
Sephy:This is sad. A grown man and his hero is a non-existant crybaby teenage girl. (he shakes his head in discust)
(the screen flickers again. This time it's Dark Nation, Rufus's pet panther. Dark Nation is lazing in the sunlight when a mouse comes up to it. The panther gives out a high-pitched squeal and crawls up onto Rufus's desk. Rufus yells "You big pansy! Dark nation, get off my desk!" "No tengo monstor!" Dark nation replies, timidly. Rufus sighs and says "It's not a "monstor" it's a little mouse, so get off my desk and eat it like a good cat." The screen goes dark.)
Sephy:That's all for today, but belive me, there WILL be more if my little employees don't behave themselves.....There will also be a 4-hour marathon of new pokemon episodes, I missed it and I'm not too happy. That is all.
(At Cid's house)
Cid:Wow! This has to be the best day of my life.....Shinra gets humiliated on air AND 4 hours of pokemon! Thankyou god! Maybe that Sephiroth isn't such a bad guy after all, I mean, could a pokemaniac be all bad?
(In the hospital, Rufus grimaces as he shuts off the TV. Dark nation sprayed his boots with the chocoo pheremones and exactly the same thing happened to Rufus.)
Rufus:I'll never live this down....
Dark nation:Ay, caramba! (is lying on the floor in discrace)
(Somwhere in Shinra HQ)
Reeve:I KNEW something was fishy when Sephiroth wanted to install those new security cameras.....
(Later, Sparky is driving Sephiroth home in his limo)
Sparky:That was great Seph! *Jeez if he laughs any harder he's gonna bust a brain cell*
Sephy:Thanks.....
Sparky:Somehow I think Rufus is planning his revenge....
THE END! ^_^ (Or is it.......?)
Roses are are red, bluebells are....errr....blue, I don't own FF, so nuts to you! ^_^ hee hee!
Hi folks! It's Flayme again and here's my latest fic for your enjoyment! It'll make you laugh! It'll make you cry (with laughter)! But anyway, my apologies to fans of my FF8 series "Zell's wacky inventions" I'm running out of ideas for the 5th one so it might not be as good as the others. Anyway, this is the sequel to "Revenge of the turks" hope ya like it! ^_^
(The scene is in Sephiroth's room, Jenova is standing next to Sephy, who is asleep in bed)
Jenova:My poor Sephiwefums....(she strokes his hair as he dozes in bed) My poor little boy....I'm going to kill Rufus and Reeve with my bare hands for this!
(He wakes up and looks at Jenova, slight anger apparent on his face)
Jenova:Sephy, what's wrong?
Sephy:Just turn on the TV ,mom, and go...
(Jenova starts to leave. Shinra presents Gaea's funniest home videos is playing. Sephiroth laughs as a moogle gets sprayed with a shook-up cola.)
Jenova:*I wonder what's wrong with my little boy?* (shuts the door)
Sephy:Take that you old witch! Oh damn she was standing in the window spot when the house fell down.....I like that moogle clip best though.
TV presenter:And now, this fanastic tape sent in to us by two of shinra's finest-----Rufus shinra and Mitchell Reeve!
Sephy:Oh GOD! They wouldn't DARE! Would they....?
TV presenter:This is called "Revenge of the turks"!
Sephy:I must be being punished...(he hides his eyes with his hand hoping to make it all go away but he looks and the tape is just starting)
("DEMON CHOCO!" the tape shows Sephiroth throwing pillows at the seemingly innocent little bird on the screen)
(At Cid's house, Cid is watching the tape on TV)
Cid:This can't possibly....but no one else looks like tha....AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! (rolling on the floor laughing) *Oh god....I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard* Oh good...wheez commercial break....
("Shinra Hairspray, what the gods of good hair use" Rufus and Sephiroth grin evilly into the camera before it flashes to a shot of the can.)
Cid:I wonder if any of the other guys caught this?
(Meanwhile, in Sephy's room)
Sephy:Why me....?
(Sephy watches in horror as the scene that placed him in hospital for 3 days unfolds before his eyes. The little bugger makes a peck at his nose...then bites the seat out of his new boxers)
Sephy:This is too much....(he flips the TV off and starts to cry) This isn't sniff fair....I may have made them watch barney....sniff....but I didn't broadcast their reactions on global TV! WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
(Sparky, my little bro (he's a Sephy-worshipper ya know) is standing outside Sephy's door.)
Sparky:*Oh crap...I can hear him crying again....his mother'll kill me*
(he knocks on the door but the crying just intensifies, he opens the door and sees Sephy crying into a pillow clutched in one hand, and strangling the TV remote with the other hand)
Sparky:You poor guy....hey, you want me to get you a tissue?
Sephy:sniff Uh-huh...
Sparky:(Realises he's got his tail trapped in the door) Oh dammit.. (sephy looks at him as he pulls his tail out of the door, then flies 3 feet backwards into a wall) OOF!
Sephy:sniff (starts crying again)
Sparky:*Man.....he must be REALLY upset...he usually laughs at my accidents* (he brushes his messy blonde hair out of his face and passes Sephy a Kleenex) What happened?
Sephy:(blows his nose carefully as not to disturb the bandages) I made the turks and Reeve watch Barney's Adventure as punishment for failing a mission..sniff and then they played this horrible practical joke on me and sent itinto the station to be played on global TV...(he starts crying again)
Sparky:(shocked) You made them watch BARNEY?
Sephy:Does it matter? I could have made them go on the small world ride at the Disneyland I bought out 15 times in a row...sniff....but I didn't publicly humiliate them like this! (he blows his nose again)
Sparky:(he sits on the edge of the bed to hold the box of Kleenex for Sephy) You're right...it was cruel of them...I'm here for ya, buddy...(he pats Sephy on the back and gives him a hug) I'm sure you'll think of something to get back at them....
(At Cloud and Aeris's place....)
Cloud:*Spike's back home...lovingly placed in the chocobo stall.* sigh
(he hears Aeris laughing from the kitchen, so he walks in and sees she has the TV on)
Cloud:REEVE'S PRACTICAL JOKE?!?!? He actually sent it to the station?!?!? They're showing it AGAIN? *I think Aeris's gonna lay an egg in a minute...Man look at Sephy go! What? 50mph??? Jeez, Spike's scarier than I thought*
(He bursts out laughing as he sees Sephiroth with the chocobo clamped onto his ass)
(At Vincent's apartment)
Vincent:*It's been a long day....being unemployed is more boring than I thought...* Oh great the afternoon movie seems to have been replaced with the "Panting Chocobo Show"..Why are all those birds pressed against the window? Who's the weirdo with the tail feathers? Wait a sec...I know that hair!!! It's Sephiroth with a chocobo stuck to his ass! I will not laugh....I will not laugh....I will not.....
(he just can't contain himself and bursts out laughing)
(And, at Cid's house...)
Cid:Dammit....the TV sez they're interrupting Pokemon for a special announcement...This had better be a fuckin' imporatant announcement to interrupt MY show....Oh, it's Sephiroth I wonder what he has to say this time?
TV Sephiroth:ahem "I have come here today...."
(the TV studio, after Sephy's speech)
Sephy:Roll the clips, Sparky!
Sparky:Okey-dokey-smokey!
(The sceen behind Sephiroth flickers and Rufus appears. He's got nothin on exept his white Y-fronts and his red hair is stuck out at odd angles. His eyes are squinting as he runs into the door twice, before realising he has to open it. Then he bumps into the wall several times before going down the hallway.)
Sephy:Yes folks you guessed it....This is Rufus Shinra in the moring before his coffee!!
(The scene changes. Tseng is dressed in Navy blue pikachu print PJ's and is sprawled across his bed like a sack of potatoes. The sound that issues from his mouth is amazing in both pitch and volume. Really it's comparable to a waterfall, so loud that there's static in the voice projector. Then Tseng rolls over to curl in a baby position, hugging a pink blanket and sucking his thumb.)
Sephy:Tseng wears cute pajamas, and still needs his "security blankie"
(The clip changes again. It's a plain-looking blonde woman. She looks a bit bleary and stares into a mirror. She runs her hand through her poofy hair with a yawn that exposes a filling in one of her back teeth. She is quite unremarkable and could be anyone's girlfriend, sister, or cousin. And,to note, her bra is the fleshtone, padded, push-up kind)
Sephy:You don't know who this little plain Jane is? Do you? I'll give you a hint....THIS IS ELENA WITHOUT HER MAKEUP!!!!!
(The scene is outdoors at night....Reno is walking out on the streets by himself, looking over his shoulder. The little guy is rather nervous-looking as he walks up to a girl-not a hooker mind you-this is a nice upstanding girl gives her 100gil and says "Tell everyone you went out on a date with me". She sniffs and says "Alright you shaggy little weasel". Reno murmurs something as he walks off, just loud enough for the camera to hear, "I'm glad the new inflatable doll came.....the patches in the old one were chafing")
Sephy:And yes, Reno's legendary prowess with the ladies is just that, a legend.
(The next scene is in a public restroom. Rude grins in the mirror like an idiot and pulls a can out of his pocket and a shammy and rag out of the other. He washes his head and shammies it off. Then he opens the can which reads "Shinra brand car wax" he rubs some on and buffs his head until it gleams.)
Sephy:I think this one is self-explanatory. (he turns round and yellls at the image) YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE A BRAND NEW DAIHATSU!THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!!
(The image shifts again. It's now a darkened office, where someone has made a tent with a sheet, a desk, and a chair. We can hear momantary swearing and cursing, then silly childish giggles. Through the sheet, which is of dancing moogle print, glows a soft light like a flashlight, and the laughter hits again. The camera takes on another angle and reeve is sitting inside in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, a candy bar next to him, reading a Sailor Moon manga comic with a flashlight. He giggles like a schoolgirl and says "You tell 'em Usagi!")
Sephy:This is sad. A grown man and his hero is a non-existant crybaby teenage girl. (he shakes his head in discust)
(the screen flickers again. This time it's Dark Nation, Rufus's pet panther. Dark Nation is lazing in the sunlight when a mouse comes up to it. The panther gives out a high-pitched squeal and crawls up onto Rufus's desk. Rufus yells "You big pansy! Dark nation, get off my desk!" "No tengo monstor!" Dark nation replies, timidly. Rufus sighs and says "It's not a "monstor" it's a little mouse, so get off my desk and eat it like a good cat." The screen goes dark.)
Sephy:That's all for today, but belive me, there WILL be more if my little employees don't behave themselves.....There will also be a 4-hour marathon of new pokemon episodes, I missed it and I'm not too happy. That is all.
(At Cid's house)
Cid:Wow! This has to be the best day of my life.....Shinra gets humiliated on air AND 4 hours of pokemon! Thankyou god! Maybe that Sephiroth isn't such a bad guy after all, I mean, could a pokemaniac be all bad?
(In the hospital, Rufus grimaces as he shuts off the TV. Dark nation sprayed his boots with the chocoo pheremones and exactly the same thing happened to Rufus.)
Rufus:I'll never live this down....
Dark nation:Ay, caramba! (is lying on the floor in discrace)
(Somwhere in Shinra HQ)
Reeve:I KNEW something was fishy when Sephiroth wanted to install those new security cameras.....
(Later, Sparky is driving Sephiroth home in his limo)
Sparky:That was great Seph! *Jeez if he laughs any harder he's gonna bust a brain cell*
Sephy:Thanks.....
Sparky:Somehow I think Rufus is planning his revenge....
THE END! ^_^ (Or is it.......?)