Disclaimer:
I do NOT own Animorphs (or Tom :'( ) so don't sue me.
A/N: This is somewhat of a spoiler to MM4, but very indirectly. A MAJOR spoiler for #49 and #50 (no, not $50 as I made the mistake of writing before *grins*).
So, if you haven't read the book and don't want to be surprised, don't read any further.
It's been edited again. *grins*
A million thanks to Arin for the constructive feedback! I really appreciate it.
Thanks to Madra and Paul for reading! :)
Also, of course, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Hope it's even clearer now. Please send an email to EmilyAnna16@aol.com or leave your email in the review box if it's still unclear in certain parts.
Now onto the story. :-D
******
Jake
Maybe to kill the Yeerk. Maybe because of everything that was happening. I had almost been able to get Tom- the real Tom- before. But no, not only did I fail that, I couldn't even protect my parents. Some leader. I hated myself. I knew I was falling apart. I wouldn't be able to take it any longer. And now, this. How can I live with myself?
"I wish it had been me," I whispered, crying.
I began to scream, "Why, God, why?! Why did You have to take Tom? Why my parents?! Why?! Isn't the war enough?!"
I didn't expect Him to answer. He never did.
I feel to the grass in the forest, sobbing. I just stayed there for awhile. Depressed. Knowing how little hope there was. Hating myself for thinking it.
"I'll do anything, God. Anything!" I didn't speak this out loud. I didn't have the nerve to.
But then time stopped. I could tell just by the way everything stopped. Even the trees' branches stopping moving in midair. Definitely supernatural. And of course I knew who it was.
"Ellimist. . ."
I said the name as though it were a curse.
JAKE, he replied, smiling in that bizarre way of his.
I glared at him despite my curiousity at why he had suddenly showed up for no reason. After all, he always waited until the six of us were together before he appeared, sending us as pawns in his game with Crayak.
I shook my head before he could say anything else. "Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for your games. Leave me alone, you all powerful idiot. You can't do anything without 'breaking the rules.'"
I CAN NOT DO EXACTLY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT ME TO DO, the Ellimist admitted.
"Damn it, there's a surprise," I muttered. "Why don't you just shut up and leave me alone then instead of ruining my life, you cheat?"
He ignored me. HOWEVER, he continued. I HAVE A CHOICE TO GIVE YOU.
"Damn it, Ellimist. Go to hell. Go straight to hell."
YOU CAN CONTINUE THE BATTLE AGAINST THE YEERKS, OR YOU CAN JOIN THEIR SIDE.
I glared at him. "Why would I want to do that?!" I demanded.
FOR THE ONES THAT YOU LOVE, YOU CAN JOIN THEM.
"Speak in English! Crap!" I exploded.
He paused for a minute and then continued, this time sort of making sense. YOU CAN SAVE YOUR BROTHER, JAKE. BUT ONLY IF YOU GO IN HIS PLACE.
I gulped. I was actually desperate enough to consider it. I wanted to save Tom that much. More than anything. It was the reason I had fought this pathetic battle for so long. Otherwise I would have walked away.
I think. Who really knows what would have happened had Tom been free?
I spoke slowly, still trying to piece it together. But I wouldn't let myself get tricked. No way. If- if- I surrendered all of my freedom for good, I needed to get a few things straight with the "one who never interferes."
"What about my parents? Will they still be taken? Will they know what happened?"
THEY WILL NOT HAVE KNOWN ANYTHING MORE THAN THEY WOULD HAVE KNOWN, JAKE. THE TIMELINE WILL BE SO THAT SHORTLY AFTER YOU FOUGHT THE HOWLERS, YOU WILL HAVE BEEN REINFESTED. THAT IS WHEN THEY WILL HAVE FOUND OUT, BUT YOUR FRIENDS WILL NOT KNOW. NO ONE WILL KNOW. TO THEM YOU WILL HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROLLER AND ONLY THEN WILL THE INFORMATION BE SIMULTANEOUSLY REVEALED TO THEM. THEY WILL NOT HAVE KNOWN WHAT HAD HAPPENED BEFORE, OR WHO YOU HAD BEEN.
"Will I remember what happened before? Why I did it, I mean..."
If all I would remember was being a helpless slave. . . As it was I was close to saying no.
YES.
"And in return, you'll let Tom go? And you didn't answer the question about my parents. Eventually, will they be taken either way?"
YOUR FRIENDS WILL HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU WERE TAKEN BY THE YEERKS BY ALTERNATE MEMORIES. TOM WILL HAVE NEVER KNOWN. NO ONE WILL HAVE EVER KNOWN. THIS DOES NOT MEAN, HOWEVER, THAT THEY WILL NEVER FIND OUT.
This was it. I could continue fighting and probably go insane by the end, provided that we didn't all get killed anyway. Or I could give up and make sure that my family would never be the prisoner's of the Yeerks. For now, anyway.
I knew that if I didn't, one day I would have to kill Tom. Crayak had told me so, Drode had told me so. It was inevitable. Dead, Tom was only free from the slug. Of course, if there was an afterlife (which I was beginning to doubt more and more ever since the war began), Tom be in Heaven if anyone would. He deserves it.
"Will Tom ever be taken if I say yes?"
If he would, I would refuse. Period.
HE WILL NEVER BE TAKEN.
Those words sent chills down my back. He would be free! For once and for all Tom would never know the evils of Yeerk control! He would never be a slave, never be a Controller. Never.
And yet. . .
"What about my family?" I stalled. "Answer me for once, Ellimist. Will they or will they not be eventually taken by the Yeerks?"
I CAN NOT SAY ABOUT THAT.
"What?! You can't SAY!? That's not fair, you idiot! I'm going to give up everything for a 'maybe'?!"
IT IS THE RULES. YOU MUST DECIDE. NO ONE WILL KNOW. THEY MAY FIND OUT. YOUR PARENTS MAY BE TAKEN. TOM WILL NEVER BE TAKEN.
"Who will lead the Animorphs?"
The Ellimist paused, choosing his words carefully. ANOTHER ONE. THERE MUST BE ANOTHER ONE WHO WILL BE THE LEADER. YOU WILL KNOW WHO HE IS BUT DO NOT KNOW HIM YET. YOU WILL FIND OUT BUT YOU MUST NOT FIND OUT FOR NOW. HE WILL DO AS WELL AS YOU. YOUR BEING A SLAVE WILL NOT AFFECT THE COURSE OF EVENTS, BECAUSE TOM'S FATE WILL EVENTUALLY BE YOURS. HE WILL BE AS YOU WERE.
I saw a scene flash in front of me. A boy from school, Rob, leading the Animorphs. Doing as well as I had done, no better or worse. He had red hair and bright blue eyes. His face was filled with freckles. I knew from being in his math class that he was smart. He would be able to replace me.
"Won't the Yeerk find out about Tom and the others?"
The Ellimist laughed at that. HE WILL, BUT HE WILL BE UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING. AT FIRST, ALTERNATE MEMORIES WILL OCCUR IN HIS MIND WHENEVER HE THINKS ABOUT IT, SO EVENTUALLY HE WILL NEVER REMEMBER THAT YOU WERE AN ANIMORPH. OR THE IDENTITY OF THE ANIMORPHS. BUT EVENTUALLY HE WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN UNTIL THE MEMORIES AND RESISTANCE RUN OUT.
"How long do I have to think about it?"
I wanted to stall, even though I already knew what I would say.
YOU MUST DECIDE RIGHT NOW.
An evil, wicked trade. Selling my soul, or the equivilant. Me, or Tom? It wasn't the human race at risk. Just my freedom for Tom's. There would be no major impact on the fate of the world. Just on me.
I nodded.
"Yes."
I knew I was going to save Tom. That I would be sparing him years of terrifying pain and helplessness. But I would now be taking his place.
**********
"Jake, do you want to become a full member of The Sharing?" a human Controller asked me.
I had been going to meetings now for over a month. I knew that they would ask me today.
"Um. . .I'm not really sure. . .yet. . . Could I have until next week?"
The Controller sighed. "All right, Jake, but only until then. We. . ."
Suddenly two Hork-Bajir jumped out and grabbed me. They hauled me to the pool. The Controller came, smiling cruely.
"So sorry, human, but you've taken too long as it is. Now we're going to have to use force."
I was hauled to the Yeerk Pool. I wasn't allowed to go voluntarily. It was against the rules. Not that I would have, anyway. I would rather die.
They dunked my head into the water. I couldn't even breathe.
Must. . .have. . .air. . . was all I could think of.
I felt the slug crawl into my head. I suddenly lost control. It wasn't little by little. It was all at once. I wanted to scream. It had been so quick.
No! Let me go! Let me go! I yelled. I change my mind, let me go!
I didn't know if I really had. Changed my mind, I mean. Would I do it over again? I don't know.
The Yeerk laughed wickedly. Shut up, slave. You are mine now.
It was horrifying beyond words. The Yeerk's laugh was one of pure evil. He enjoyed tormenting me. It wasn't just a regular cruel Yeerk that had infested Tom the second time. This one was probably just like Visser One.
Well, I am his second cousin, he smirked. I suppose it runs in the family, as you pathetic humans would say. Now shut up, he commanded. You are our meat, and nothing more. I am your master, you fool.
I fumed inwardly as he lifted his head from the pool and began to search my memories.
So, you were one of the "Andalite bandits"? And you gave it all up to save your brother, he mocked. How sickenly sweet. Humans do make the most pathetic sacrifices for nothing, do you not agree? He replayed the memory of Cassie allowing Aftran to infest her to save Karen so that I could see what he was talking about. And because I can do nothing with this valuable information, I will simply make you pay for it. Foolish human.
I didn't say anything. I just kept reminding myself why I had done this. . .why I was putting myself through hell.
The Yeerk kept talking. I wasn't sure if it was to torment me or simply because he enjoyed the sound of his voice. And of course your friends will never know, human. Neither will your brother, actually. It's really all for nothing, because in the end your pathetic brother will just be destroyed when we win. Oh, how I would love to be the one to kill him. How easy it would be, you know, human. I am high enough to own a dracon beam. All it takes is one shot, fool, and your trade will be for nothing.
You wouldn't dare. . I hissed.
Better dead than being a slave, as you say. He laughed. What a loathsome saying. And to think, you of all people to abandon that motto. You do realize that you are now a traitor. . Well, since the dapsenic Ellimist sees it fit for him to not be a slave, I suppose we'll have to settle for his death, won't we.
He smirked, actually giddy with his plan.
One thought occured to me. Not now. You'd blow your cover, I taunted.
It felt great being able to tease the Yeerk. It was the only thing I could do to that idiot.
He cursed at me. Not now, slave, but I assure you that someday he'll meet his ending.
Just wait, Yeerk.
He snorted when he saw the rest of my thought . . . We tricked you so far .
Yes, you managed to buy your brother's freedom. But it might have just lost you the war.
Not according to the Ellimist.
Since when do you trust that meddling scum?
I don't. But he would have no reason to lie.
He snorted. That's bull if it ever existed. He has plans that even you don't know of.
Maybe. But they're for the good.
Oh shut up, already. You're boring me with your goodie goodie lies. Lies!
*************
I saw Tom later that day, once he came home from basketball practice. Of course, it had never occurred to me that now he wouldn't quit. There was no reason for him to. His quitting had been the Yeerk's decision, not his.
I saw him practicing in the driveway. The Yeerk had to play a game with him, or else it would go against my cover. "I" watched Tom during that game. He was so innocent, now. He would never be a slave. He might be killed by the Yeerks, but he would never be used by them. His dark brown eyes looked at "me," eyes that never knew Yeerk control. Never knew defeat.
Instead it would be me who would know these emotions.
"Hey, Midget," he called, watching "me" after we had finished. "Where were you after school? I didn't see you."
"I was at a Sharing meeting. It's really cool, Tom, you should join."
You know you can't talk him.
It doesn't mean I can't, eventually, kill him. Silly human.
"Yeah, maybe," Tom said, distracted as he put the ball away. "I'm pretty busy though. I'll think about it."
The End (?)