This was written nearly two years ago. *nostalgic sigh* My first Labyrinth fanfic. Jareth is so OOC he's bound to offend a few, just to warn the fangirls. Don't be too harsh on this one. I don't own Labyrinth. Henson probably does. RIP, Jim.
Divorce Court
Silly Jareth Saga Part 1
All was peaceful in the Labyrinth as Jareth held Sarah in his arms as they stood looking out the window at the Bog of Eternal Stench.
Suddenly there came a horrendous crash.
"OOOOOW! What in the name of the aardvark did you do that fer?" came the howl of a goblin child as he rubbed the bump on his knobby head caused by the crystal ball thrown at him by his younger sister. In response, she stuck out her purple tongue and made a face.
"Children, what is going on here? I thought I told you two to play nicely," Sarah, their mother, called.
"But she threw a ball at me," the goblin boy whined.
"Wha-wha-WHAT?! Not one of MY balls?!" Jareth roared.
"Yep, one a yer balls, daddy-o," his son called in a singsongy voice.
"Alright, that's hell to pay!" the Goblin King screeched.
"Now, now, dear, it was your idea to turn them into goblins because they were so ugly as humans. You'll just have to live with the fact that everyone wants your balls," Sarah smiled coyly. "In fact, why don't we go..."
"Mommy! She's doing it again!" interrupted her son.
"Oh, fine. Here, you two. Just give me daddy's balls, and go take a nap in the forest," she said, annoyed that her lovely afternoon was spoiled by a couple of bratty kids. Instantly the two little goblins disappeared.
"Good. Now it's just us two," Sarah sighed as she snuggled in Jareth's arms.
"What would you like to do?" he whispered hoarsely. "There's a sale on Oreo cookies at K-Mart."
"Oreos? Wouldn't you rather have, oh, say, whipped cream?" she arched her eyebrows suggestively.
"Why?" the Goblin King asked, with a confused look on his face. "Are we going to be having pie?" he inquired eagerly.
"No, maybe just a sandwich..." Sarah worked her lips on his earlobe.
"Can it be a Spamwich? Oh, please say yes, please! I haven't had any Spam for *days*" Jareth looked like a little boy asking for candy.
"Oh, that's it! I've had it! If you don't strip naked this very instant and give me some lovin', then I am *leaving*," Sarah sniffed, ready to cry. "You love putting on makeup more than spending time with me!" she cried. "And I'm sick of it! All of it! The never-ending conversations with your dead mother, your antique toilet collection, the way you criticize my clothes, how you insisted on keeping in the basement every girl who failed to solve the Labyrinth, everything!" she threw her hands in the air. "And finally, the worst of it all, the thing I am absolutely SICK of.........the way you keep forgetting where you left your balls! I mean, no other man would! Everytime I get in the mood, you have to excuse yourself to go look for them! I can't take it anymore!" she screamed.
"I want a divorce," she said finally, after a long pause.
"Uh, well, that's something I've been meaning to talk to you about...You know how we got married in China?" Jareth avoided her eyes.
"Ye-es?"
"Well, anyway, um......our marriage isn't really......legal," he finished lamely.
Sarah just stared at him with no emotion on her face.
"Fine. You keep the kids," was all she said before she disappeared in a cloud of glitter.
Divorce Court
Silly Jareth Saga Part 1
All was peaceful in the Labyrinth as Jareth held Sarah in his arms as they stood looking out the window at the Bog of Eternal Stench.
Suddenly there came a horrendous crash.
"OOOOOW! What in the name of the aardvark did you do that fer?" came the howl of a goblin child as he rubbed the bump on his knobby head caused by the crystal ball thrown at him by his younger sister. In response, she stuck out her purple tongue and made a face.
"Children, what is going on here? I thought I told you two to play nicely," Sarah, their mother, called.
"But she threw a ball at me," the goblin boy whined.
"Wha-wha-WHAT?! Not one of MY balls?!" Jareth roared.
"Yep, one a yer balls, daddy-o," his son called in a singsongy voice.
"Alright, that's hell to pay!" the Goblin King screeched.
"Now, now, dear, it was your idea to turn them into goblins because they were so ugly as humans. You'll just have to live with the fact that everyone wants your balls," Sarah smiled coyly. "In fact, why don't we go..."
"Mommy! She's doing it again!" interrupted her son.
"Oh, fine. Here, you two. Just give me daddy's balls, and go take a nap in the forest," she said, annoyed that her lovely afternoon was spoiled by a couple of bratty kids. Instantly the two little goblins disappeared.
"Good. Now it's just us two," Sarah sighed as she snuggled in Jareth's arms.
"What would you like to do?" he whispered hoarsely. "There's a sale on Oreo cookies at K-Mart."
"Oreos? Wouldn't you rather have, oh, say, whipped cream?" she arched her eyebrows suggestively.
"Why?" the Goblin King asked, with a confused look on his face. "Are we going to be having pie?" he inquired eagerly.
"No, maybe just a sandwich..." Sarah worked her lips on his earlobe.
"Can it be a Spamwich? Oh, please say yes, please! I haven't had any Spam for *days*" Jareth looked like a little boy asking for candy.
"Oh, that's it! I've had it! If you don't strip naked this very instant and give me some lovin', then I am *leaving*," Sarah sniffed, ready to cry. "You love putting on makeup more than spending time with me!" she cried. "And I'm sick of it! All of it! The never-ending conversations with your dead mother, your antique toilet collection, the way you criticize my clothes, how you insisted on keeping in the basement every girl who failed to solve the Labyrinth, everything!" she threw her hands in the air. "And finally, the worst of it all, the thing I am absolutely SICK of.........the way you keep forgetting where you left your balls! I mean, no other man would! Everytime I get in the mood, you have to excuse yourself to go look for them! I can't take it anymore!" she screamed.
"I want a divorce," she said finally, after a long pause.
"Uh, well, that's something I've been meaning to talk to you about...You know how we got married in China?" Jareth avoided her eyes.
"Ye-es?"
"Well, anyway, um......our marriage isn't really......legal," he finished lamely.
Sarah just stared at him with no emotion on her face.
"Fine. You keep the kids," was all she said before she disappeared in a cloud of glitter.