Thoughts and Memories.
By Arian
Part two
"So," Rinoa smiled brightly, "what can we do for you?"
Sat in the cafeteria, Laguna looked across the table at Squall.
"This sounds a little strange," he said, scratching his head, "but I just need you to listen."
"What do you mean? Why?" Squall asked bluntly.
"I have memories of Raine. I need to talk them out or something. Everyone seems to think it's best if I talk to you and Elle."
"So talk." Squall shrugged indifferently.
Rinoa nudged Squall sharply and hissed at him to say something nice or say nothing at all.
Ellone and Rinoa listened attentively as Laguna started to relate memories of Raine and Winhill but Squall found his mind wandering as it often did when he was bored. These stories may be about his parents but he just couldn't relate to these people. He had not had the chance to get to know Raine and he didn't particularly feel like he wanted to get to know Laguna.
He doesn't need to talk, Squall thought, talking doesn't solve anything. Laguna's problem stems from not being there for Raine when…when I was born.
"Are you listening, Squall?" Rinoa whispered "You'd better be, 'cause this is really hurting him, to talk like this."
It's not like I don't already know all this. I kind of lived through some of it when Sis sent me back. Squall's eyes widened.
"That's it!" he yelled.
"What?" Laguna asked bemused.
"Squall!" Rinoa threatened.
"No, it could be the answer. Talking won't work, but what if Sissis could send you back? Back to when Raine died. Then…then she wouldn't be alone."
Ellone stood up.
"I'm sorry, Uncle Laguna. It won't work. You can't change the past."
"You can try. You can let him go back, not to change the past, but just to see her."
"Sis, I think we all need this. Need to know Raine was not alone."
"Please, Elle. I helped you so many times. Will you help me?" Laguna asked.
"OK, I'll do it. No promises. I can only try. But first, Rinoa, could I speak to you for a moment?"
Rinoa nodded and they walked over to the far corner of the cafeteria.
"I don't know what you think but I believe both of them, and me, need to witness this. I can only send Uncle Laguna back. I dare not send Squall back to see his own birth, besides, Raine wouldn't recognise him." Ellone paused and looked straight at Rinoa.
"I think Odine might be able to rig something up so you could all watch on a monitor, but I don't think Uncle Laguna would approve of us flocking round to watch him say goodbye to his wife."
"You need it kept secret? No problem. He'll never know, just follow my lead." Rinoa told her, strolling back to the table.
"What was all that about?" Squall demanded.
"Nothing. Just girl talk." Rinoa said, drawing imaginary pictures with her toe.
"I think that means we're not to ask any questions." Laguna laughed.
"You got it." Rinoa told him. She leaned down towards Squall. "I think you were saying earlier you had a lot of "stuff" to do?"
"But I thought Sis…" Squall didn't get the chance to finish the sentence before Rinoa cut in smoothly.
"Ellone needs to rest first and I need to talk to some people. We'll do it tomorrow. You're both welcome to stay here 'til then, if Esthar can manage without you." She said formally, turning to Laguna and Ellone, who smiled at Rinoa playing hostess.
"Esthar does better without me than it does when I'm there." Laguna told her. "I think it could be my overwhelming presence distracting them."
Squall laughed. "Yeah, right."
Laguna grinned back at him.
********************
Rinoa met up with Ellone early the next morning.
"Does anyone know you're here?" Rinoa asked, cautiously, as they lurked in the corridor.
"No, I don't think so. Why?"
"It's more fun this way!" Rinoa laughed. "Squall was still sleeping when I left. He always looks so sweet when he sleeps." She blushed slightly and it was Ellone's turn to laugh.
"So what did you plot?" Ellone asked.
"Well, Odine has built the Junction Machine Ellone." She paused. "Kind of cool to have something named after you. Anyway, if we say we're going to use this occasion as an opportunity to try out this new machine, Odine says he can easily set up a monitor screen for us to watch."
"Won't Uncle Laguna wonder why I'm not sending him back?"
"Probably, but I think we can count on Odine to make enough fuss about his new machine to distract Laguna."
"You don't think that much of him, do you?" Ellone asked carefully. "You share Squall's opinion of Laguna."
"I understand how Squall feels through my own experience." Rinoa thought for a moment. "I don't know enough to really share Squall's opinion."
"That's right. You don't." Ellone said quietly and made to walk away.
"Ellone, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Ellone stopped and without turning to face Rinoa, she began to speak.
"I was so small when my parents died, I don't have any real memories of them. The first thing I remember is playing in Raine's house. She looked after me and we were…content. Then Laguna turned up and changed everything. Raine may not always have seemed it but she was happier and so was I. I had a proper family again and I knew that either of them would do anything for me.
"Then, one morning when Uncle Laguna had already gone on patrol with Kiros, Esthar soldiers took me away. I was sat outside waiting for them to return and when I saw the soldiers I can remember thinking that Raine would so be mad at me. It happened so quick there was nothing she could do. Uncle Laguna travelled the world to rescue me. That's why I get mad at Squall."
"What do you mean?"
"If Laguna would do all this for me, what do you suppose he'd do for his son? If Squall asked him to do something, anything, he'd do it. In return Squall can't even bring himself to like Laguna."
"It is getting better, Ellone. Squall just needs time to adjust and maybe this plot of ours will help."
Ellone smiled and seemed to return to her normal, more reticent self.
"I hope so."
****************
They had all gathered in Odine's laboratory in Esthar. From Garden, Squall had brought Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine. Zell was still visiting his mum in Balamb, so Squall wouldn't have to worry about any tactless remarks that might offend. He hadn't really wanted to bring Selphie and Irvine but you couldn't keep Selphie away from anything to do with "Sir Laguna" and there was no way she was about to let Irvine spend a few days alone with the female students of Garden.
"Remember your promise, Selphie." Squall heard Rinoa saying. "Nothing goes on your Garden festival committee page about this."
"Yeah, I know." Selphie groaned. "But it'd be such a cool story!"
"You promised." Rinoa warned.
Why was Rinoa taking all this so seriously? Not like her at all, Squall thought to himself. All that happens when Sis sends people back is they pass out, so why did she insist we should all be here?
He knew Rinoa had changed. She was no longer worried about belonging with their little group because she knew that she did. Consequently, she did occasionally act like she was the SeeD commander but Squall knew none of them wanted to change her. She was Rinoa.
A short while later, Ellone entered the room followed closely by Odine and Laguna who were arguing loudly.
"Ze only possible time to try ze machine iz now. You'll never let me use it after zis."
"Moving through time too much is dangerous. What if you change something in the past that changes the present? Anything could happen."
"Then let me use it now."
"There's no need. Elle can send me back."
"But then ze machine vill never be used."
"I am quite tired." Ellone put in. "Using the machine would be safe and I'd be able to bring you back quickly if anything went wrong."
"If you're sure, Elle. But I trust you better than a machine."
"I know." She smiled. "But it won't hurt to try it."
"Stand on ze cross on ze floor. Ze machine does ze rest." Odine eagerly instructed.
Laguna nodded reluctantly and stepped over to the cross. Pushing his dark hair away from his eyes, he waved to Ellone.
"Good luck." Squall called and Rinoa noted the surprise on Ellone's face.
"It'll be fine, you'll see!" Selphie yelled. "Love, friendship and courage, whoo-hoo!"
Laguna laughed at his own words and turned to face Odine and his machine.
"There may be a short period of nothingness before you reach your destination." Odine warned, pressing a series of buttons.
A pulsating, green glow emanated from the machine and enveloped Laguna until they could no longer see him. As the green mist dispersed they could see no trace of Esthar's president.
"Heeeey! He's gone!" Selphie cried out in surprise.
"When we went into the past, our bodies were still here in this time. Only our consciousness was sent back." Quistis commented. "If Laguna was rescuing Ellone when Raine died, it would be pointless to send him into his past self and sending him into someone else wouldn't work terribly well. The machine must have sent all of him back."
"Exactly!" said Odine. "Now look at ze screen. We should begin to get something."
"Where are Ward and Kiros?" Squall asked suddenly.
"They're taking care of things in the city. They're gonna make sure no one disturbs us as much as they can." Ellone answered quietly as they gathered round a monitor.
"It's kinda like watching TV." said Irvine.
"I just hope Sir Laguna is OK." Selphie told him, adjusting her yellow dress.
"That's real stupid, Sefie. Of course he's not OK. It's not fun watching someone you love die." Irvine often had these sudden bursts of seriousness but they still surprised Selphie. He just never seemed a serious kinda guy.
The chatter stopped as a picture formed on the screen. Squall stared at Rinoa.
"This is what you were up to then? We're gonna watch?!"
Rinoa looked innocently up at him. "Oh, did we forget to tell you?"
"I'm leaving." Squall told her bluntly. He hated these reminders of mortality. They reminded him of just how much he had to lose. His friends may have tried to change some parts of him but that fear of loss was still something he feared and hated. He could accept that he had no control over what would happen but he could not forget what he had felt when he thought he had lost Rinoa and he had no wish to be reminded of it by watching Raine died. He still thought of her as Raine. It was hard for him to recognise her as his mother. He never got the chance to know her.
As he tried to leave Rinoa grabbed his arm and hauled him back.
"No Squall. We planned this for you and him and Elle. You're not walking out on this. You need this Squall. Perhaps we all do…"
Squall sighed but stayed where he was, watching the screen. The houses and trees of Winhill began to appear and stood in the centre of the town square was Laguna.
"I bet he's nervous. Probably scared too. I know I would be." Rinoa said quietly reaching down to take Squall's hand. The others agreed with her, but Squall and Ellone were silent, their eyes intent on the screen.