Tread Softly On My Dreams.
Part 2
By Arian.
The room was unusually quiet for that time of day. After dinner, Ellone
would normally chatter happily to Laguna and Raine until she either fell
asleep or Raine insisted she should go to bed.
Today, Ellone sat in the middle of the floor, next to a small heap of
white flowers. In front of her was another pile, but blue flowers this
time. She hummed nonsense tunes quietly to herself while she folded the
flower stems over a wooden hoop. Occasionally she would glance over to
where Laguna sat and would offer advice sagely, looking for all the world
like the Queen of the Flowers.
Raine watched Ellone's imperious manner in amusement, happy the child felt
so secure. May was the only time of year Raine could get any peace. The
impending flower festival meant that Ellone occupied herself with wreath
making, more or less leaving Raine to her own devices.
She turned back to her own wreath of white flowers. She almost always
used white flowers. Ellone loved the colours and some of her creations
were colourful to the point of being gaudy, but Raine loved the white
blooms best. To her they seemed perfect, despite their lack of colour.
Hearing a sigh, Raine looked up and smiled. Laguna sat on the chair
opposite, trying to follow Ellone's vague instructions. The hoop in his
hands was almost bare and there was a growing pile of flowers with broken
stems next to the chair. The few blooms that he had managed to weave round
the hoop could no longer honestly be called flowers. Only a lucky few had
retained any petals.
"C'mon Elle." Raine said, as the girl finished her wreath and placed it
proudly on her head. "Time for bed."
"Awww! Just a bit longer? Please Raine?"
Raine shook her head solemnly. Ellone had tried this tactic every night
for as long as Raine could remember and it had never worked. This hadn't
stopped Elle from being optimistic about it, though.
"Can Uncle Laguna tell me a story?" Ellone looked hopefully at Raine. The
small woman shot a questioning look at Laguna, who nodded.
"What do you want me to tell you about?" he asked, picking the girl up
out of the flowers and carrying her out of the room.
Raine tucked her feet up into the chair and shut her eyes for a moment.
She knew she had fallen asleep as soon as she heard the footsteps and the
screams. Her nightmare. It had been reoccurring almost every night for so
long that she faced it now with a patient air. She waited, knowing that the
door of the bar would open and she would see the soldiers. It all rushed
past her again. All that had happened on that day, two years past but still
fresh in her mind, swam past her in blurred fragments.
"Where are the children?"... "I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't
forget us."... "We'll come back and get her one day. We'll come back and /I/
won't forget you lied." The harsh voices raced past her.
Did they find Ellone? No, she couldn't let that happen. They couldn't take
Elle!
A hand shaking her shoulder. Someone calling her name, worried. Opening
her eyes, Raine saw Laguna leaning over her, anxiously.
"Is Elle alright?" She asked instantly, worried in case the nightmare had
become reality. She realised belatedly that her whole frame was shaking,
her wreath of flowers having long since dropped to the floor. She could
hardly even feel the tears that traced paths down her cheeks, she had
become so accustomed to them.
"She's fine. She's asleep, I... Raine, what's the matter? You were crying
in your sleep and..." his voice trailed off, confused.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." She wiped the tears from her face stubbornly
and watched as he sat back down.
"Elle said this often happens. She said you wake up shaking. She was
right." Laguna commented, glancing at Raine's hands.
Why couldn't he just drop it? She sighed and glared at him, indicating
that this topic of conversation had ended, but he carried on, completely
oblivious.
"Does this always happen? Every time you sleep?"
Raine rolled her eyes in irritation but answered the question anyway.
"Yes, it does." She retrieved her wreath from the floor and continued to
weave flowers into it. She felt him watching her in silence and
deliberately bent her head down over the flowers so that her face was
hidden.
"A nightmare...The day Elle's parents died. /Your/ nightmare." The words
were so soft she barely heard them. Glancing up quickly through her
dark hair, she saw him smile faintly and she knew her reaction had
verified what he had said. The unusual solemnity in his face surprised her,
as did the show of something that resembled intelligence.
"I'm not entirely stupid." He laughed suddenly, guessing what she was
thinking. He picked up his own sorry-looking wreath and didn't continue
the subject of her nightmare any further, to Raine's relief.
She raised one eyebrow at his remark, but let it pass without further
comment.
Raine had finished covering her hoop with flowers in a couple of minutes
and lifted her head to see how Laguna was doing. She stifled a laugh.
"It really was unfair of Elle to start you weaving without tape. This is
the old-fashioned way to weave wreaths," she explained, "usually they're
made with florist tape. Elle and I both learned with tape. It takes months
to learn to make them without it."
"There's an easier way to do this? Why didn't she tell me?"
"Maybe she thought it'd be funny. Your guess is as good as mine." Raine
walked to a cupboard and after rummaging in a drawer, returned to where
Laguna sat with a reel of green tape in her hand. "Here, let me show you."
He handed her the wreath and she sat on the floor in front of him, her
back resting against his chair. Laguna sat forward, watching Raine thread
a white flower round the hoop, using the tape to hold it in place.
"You always use white, don't you?" He asked as she picked up another
bloom.
"Mmm." She nodded, occupied with her work. "They're like a field of snow
without footprints, or an unwritten page. Flawless. There's a beauty in
that and no other colour can match it." She handed him back the wreath and
tape, twisting herself so that she could watch him.
Raine observed his struggles patiently for a few minutes before correcting
him.
"No. Twist them, like this." She reached out to show him. His hands were
not used to intricate work and his fingers were clumsy. She stopped
suddenly, staring at his hands. A soldiers hands. /How many died at those
hands?/ Her own hands, hovering above the wreath, started to tremble and
they shot back towards her, almost of their own accord. Retreating back to
her own chair, Raine sat, feet curled up next to her, shivering
uncontrollably.
"Go home." She said quietly, a trace of fear in her voice.
Laguna, startled and hurt by her sudden mood swing, didn't move.
"Your prejudices are showing, Raine." He told her calmly, after a while.
"What prejudices?" She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she'd
be damned if she was going to let him know that. How much had he figured
out? She didn't plan on telling him any more than he already knew. Why had
he picked tonight to be intelligent? Of all the nights he could've chosen,
why tonight?
"I haven't figured that out yet. It's something to do with me, isn't it?"
Laguna paused for an answer, but Raine simply stared straight ahead.
"I don't think it's the outsider thing. You can't stand it when anyone
else thinks like that, so what is it? What could possibly have happened in
Winhill that would traumatise you... Ah." He nodded slowly. "Your
nightmare - soldiers trying to take Elle away. Yes, I can see it now. You
hate soldiers, don't you, Raine?"
At the mention of her nightmare, Raine's eyes flooded with tears again.
Unsure what he should do now, Laguna walked round and sat on the table in
front of her.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"You kill!" she hissed between her teeth in despair. "You're all the same.
Why can't you just -"
"Raine, I'm not the same as them. You think I could take any child from
their family? Fighting is necessary sometimes. Not everyone wants to
listen. Not everyone wants to play fair and when that happens, you have to
fight. If you don't, then they win and people like Elle suffer."
"I can't condone killing." Raine shook her head in misery, fighting a
battle inside her mind, but still puzzled about which side she was on.
Could he begin to understand this? She didn't want to hate him. Hell, she
didn't want to hate anyone, but she hadn't been given a choice. Somehow it
had just happened. How could she not hate them, though? Her whole life had
been completely disrupted by what had happened, and Elle's had been more or
less destroyed. Yet through her thoughts, she kept seeing images of Laguna,
a soldier, sat playing with Ellone. If her hatred was justified, how could
that be?
"That's fine, but please don't condemn every soldier because of the
actions of a few. I wouldn't hurt you or Elle or anyone in Winhill." She
heard his reply through her thoughts. Yes, that was what she had been
doing, and it had made sense at the time, but did it now?
Raine nodded mutely, and Laguna got up to leave.
"If they ever do return, I won't let them take her away. Maybe that'll
help you banish that nightmare of yours."
Raine heard him shut the door on his way out and she curled up in her
chair. Her mind was in a complete mess, but for some reason she felt safer
than she had in years. She had believed in that principle, that soldiers
were there to be hated, when everything else had failed. It had become a
peculiar sort of faith, but even though she had felt it was wrong, she had
never had the courage to make that choice, to live without her hatred. Now
the decision had been made for her. Searching her soul, she found her anger
and hatred had left her. She was glad, it had been eating away at her, but
what had he said that had made such a difference? He had said nothing to
her that she hadn't already said to herself, nothing that she hadn't
already known, deep down.
She smiled, realising what had finally made that choice for her. That
mental picture of Laguna with Ellone. That was enough to show her stubborn
soul the decision it had to make. It was enough that someone like him could
exist. That had sent her prejudices flying out of the dark corners of her
mind forever.
She knew when she slept that night, the nightmare would not return. It
would never return again.
***************
Time passed, and perhaps it was inevitable that they grew closer.
Raine felt an almost childlike euphoria in living without the barriers
she had unwittingly built, two years previously. She had never bothered
to rearrange her mind after he'd thrown it into chaos with a few words. She
went happily from day to day, making decisions as and when situations
required them, believing exclusively in Ellone and Laguna and their ability
to make her laugh or cry.
She began to notice the strangest things. Simple things, like the fact
that Laguna's eyes were green. It wasn't that she hadn't noticed it before,
but she'd never really /thought/ about it. Now and again, she would look up
from whatever she was doing and find him watching her. Then she would find
herself staring straight back into those emerald eyes, trying - and failing
- to analyse that colour. They were unnerving, pleasant but definitely
unnerving. She would shake her head, puzzled, and remember what she had
been doing. Laguna would give her a wistful little smile and wander off
with Elle. If either of them were aware of their strange behaviour or what
it might mean, they didn't say a word, not to themselves or each other.
***************
"Elle, I don't want you to go outside without Laguna or me. It's getting
too dangerous, there are too many monsters."
The little girl, sat in Laguna's lap, didn't even glance across the table
at Raine. Raine sighed and rolled her eyes but Ellone was too involved in
her drawing to hear anything. It was a careful depiction in red crayon of
the monster she'd seen that morning. Adding the last details, she held it
up to show her Uncle.
"That's what it looked like. Only bigger an' it was green."
Laguna squinted at the picture for a while.
"Caterchipillar." He informed her, winking at Raine. "They especially
like to eat little girls, so you'd better pay attention to what Raine says."
"You'll save me." She said with complete confidence, sliding down and
wandering into her room.
"I wish that I could let her play outside. It's sad that the children have
to stay indoors. Especially now it's summer." Raine put her head in her
hands, mourning the loss of the children's unchecked rambling through the
village. The picture caught her eye and she spun it round to take a good
look at it.
"Do they really look like that?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Elle's not a bad little artist, only, like she says,
they're bigger and greener."
"It's ugly." She shuddered.
"Now, Raine, how many /pretty/ monsters have you seen?" he grinned.
"I don't want to see /any/ monsters, pretty or otherwise." She laughed
softly.
"Well, I might be able to do something about that." Laguna said
thoughtfully. "You all took care of me, so I should do something in return."
"What?" Raine was puzzled.
"I'll hunt the monsters. Maybe it'll take a while but eventually the kids
will be able to play outside again, and you won't have to look at any
caterchipillars."
"You don't have to do this. You don't owe us anything."
"Perhaps. But I want to do this, for Elle and for you."
/Now what did that mean?/ Raine was about to say something when Ellone
came back into the room and Laguna told her he was going to hunt the
monsters for her.
"You can be the commander." He told Raine, laughingly.
"What?" she asked, suspicious, but he'd already turned back to Ellone who
was asking why she wasn't commander.
"You'll be assistant commander, Elle. It's much more important. You see,
all the commander does is sit around looking important. Now, I'm sure that
if Raine practises real hard, she'll be able to do that." He grinned at
Raine's indignant face. "But I couldn't trust her to do all the important
stuff."
"What do I have to do?" Ellone asked excitedly.
"Well, you have to do the paperwork and make decisions."
Ellone frowned at him. "Paperwork?"
"Yeah. You draw all the monsters you can see from your window, so that I
know what I'm looking for."
The little girl nodded happily and ran to fetch the rest of her crayons so
she could start drawing.
"Oh, Raine, I meant to ask you...what did you do with my old uniform? The
one I was wearing when I got here."
"We threw it out. It was a wreck."
"Oh, OK." Raine was convinced she saw Laguna breathe a sigh of relief.
"I did go through the pockets first. I thought the stuff in there might be
important."
"Do you remember what stuff survived?" He was nervous now. /Why?/ She
wondered.
"No, I didn't go through it. I'll see if I can find it, if you want."
"No! It's fine, I just wondered... Ah, well, it doesn't matter. I'll go
and see what monsters I can find." He started to stroll towards the door
but Raine caught his arm.
"You don't have to prove anything to Elle and me. Be careful, alright? I
don't want to spend another six months nursing you."
"And I thought you enjoyed looking after me so much, you were just dying
for me to fall down another cliff." Laguna smiled, leaving her stood alone
in the room.
/Now what was all that about?/ She asked herself, reviewing the last part
of the conversation. /What had been in the pockets of that old uniform he so
desperately doesn't want me to see?/
Her curiosity immediately got the better of her and after searching her
own house, she realised that she must have left those bits next door. What
better time was there to look than now, when Laguna was monster hunting?
Keeping a watchful eye out for Laguna she snuck next door and began to
search the drawers. She was about to give up, when she saw something stuck
at the back of one of the cupboards. She pulled out a few scabby scraps of
paper. This was what Raine had been looking for.
She sat at the table and spread the pieces of paper out in front of her.
Faint traces of ink proved that something had been written there, before
the sea sponged it out.
/What could I find in this that would worry Laguna?/
Something caught her eye. A photo, folded between two sheets of paper,
that by an amazing twist of fate had survived the sea intact. Dog-eared and
smudged, but Raine could still make out the image of a slender young woman
in a crimson evening dress. She was stood in front of what might have been
a piano, smiling shyly for the camera.
Raine flipped the picture over and read the single word written there.
"Julia"
There had been some kind of romance going on here, she guessed
immediately. Why else would he carry a picture of a girl around with him?
She sat motionless for a moment, surprised at the force of the jealousy
that hit her. She shook her head quickly to dispel that feeling.
/What right have I to be jealous? He doesn't owe us anything, he could
leave and go back to the mysterious Julia anytime he chooses. So why
doesn't he?/
Raine's mind worked quickly, putting together all the clues it had picked
up subconsciously and she laughed quietly in disbelief.
"Oh no...he couldn't." she muttered to herself through her laughter. "How
could he possibly be in love with me?"
After the initial absurdity of the idea wore off, she realised that it was
entirely likely that he did love her and at the same time it struck her
that she loved him back. Perhaps she had for some time.
She berated herself silently, /How could I not have seen it, especially
since Laguna is so transparent most of the time? And what do I do now?/ The
idea of telling him about the photo mortified her, as did the idea of
asking him if he loved her.
Raine hurriedly shoved the photo and the crumbling paper back into the
cupboard and scurried back to the pub, trying to forget about it.
***************
She managed to survive tolerably well for three days, although Ellone and
Laguna must have wondered why she was quieter than usual, not knowing that
she was afraid to open her mouth in case she said something she'd regret.
The fourth day, a stranger entered the bar, looking for Laguna. Ellone had
raced next door before Raine could form the words to stop her. She turned
to the dark-skinned stranger and asked politely why he was looking for
Laguna.
The man shrugged.
"He was my commanding officer when we were in the army, but mostly he's my
friend. I wanted to make sure he's OK. It seems like I've been looking for
him forever, but you know I never thought I'd find him somewhere like this.
It's so...peaceful, I bet he wrecks the atmosphere, from time to time." He
laughed and Raine laughed with him, knowing exactly what he meant.
Ellone burst back in the door and Raine walked over to her, hands on hips.
"You shouldn't have gone outside. You know they're monsters out there. I
don't want you to go out without an adult. You understand, Ellone?" she
scolded the child as Laguna walked in. "Now go to your room and play."
She heard Laguna and Ellone whispering about something, she didn't catch
what it was, but she heard enough to reprimand Laguna for mangling the
language.
"Kiros!" Laguna exclaimed in surprise as Raine went back to polishing
glasses, half listening to their conversation. "How long's it been? You
know, our grand escape from Centra?"
"One would usually call that being chased out..." Kiros chuckled.
"I thought so..." Raine put in, amused by their banter.
"I'd say a year or so."
"I was bed-ridden for six months. It seemed like every bone in my body
was broken."
/Maybe because it was./ Raine thought and seeing the faintly questioning
look Kiros gave her she explained that she had nursed Laguna back to health.
Her mind wandered, thinking abstract thoughts, before she picked up the
thread of conversation again.
"Life's pretty boring without you as entertainment, my man." She heard
Kiros comment.
"I think I understand what you mean." She smiled, letting her mind drift
again. It did that a lot recently. She had never had time to daydream
before, looking after Elle kept her busy, but with Laguna around to occupy
Ellone she had much more time to herself. Laguna was one of the few
privileged people she trusted with Ellone enough to let the girl leave her
sight. There were not many others in Winhill Raine would bestow that kind
of honour upon.
"How's Julia doing?" Laguna's voice penetrated her thoughts and that name
nearly sent her reeling. She looked up with a peculiar intensity. /Now
this I want to hear./
"Julia Heartilly? I don't know..."
/Julia /Heartilly?/ That was Julia Heartilly in the photo? She sings, she
has a beautiful voice. I even know her songs./
"You mean Julia, the singer?" Raine managed to force out of her throat,
her brain still trying to deal with the information it had received.
"That's right. Laguna really admired her and always frequented the night
club."
"Shut up! So what if I did!" Laguna was getting distinctly uncomfortable
with this line of conversation.
"Julia used to sing at a night club?" Raine persisted, despite a pleading
look from Laguna to stop talking about Julia.
"No. She just played the piano."
Raine's brain finally kicked in and she remembered a bit more about the
singer.
"The first song she released was "Eyes On Me"."
"H-how does the song go?" he managed to stammer.
"You don't know?"
"Well, you never let me hear it!"
Raine shrugged, the radio was there, all he had to do was turn it on. "I
didn't think you listened to music." She pushed her hair band back,
nervously. "The song's about being in love...I really like it."
"I heard she recently got married." Kiros commented in a neutral tone
voice.
"Oh yeah! To some army general, right? General Caraway or something?" /You
shouldn't have heard this from me./ She thought to Laguna silently. /I
shouldn't have been the one to tell you this... but does it matter now? You
could have gone back, if you wanted. You've been well for months now./
"I'm not too sure."
"I read in a magazine that her true love went off to war and never came
back." Raine said slowly, making the connection. /He had the choice./ She
told herself again. /He chose to stay here with Elle and me. Wonder why?
Cynic, you'd know why if you let yourself./ Her mind accused. "General
Caraway comforted her while she was feeling down. That's how they got to
know each other."
"So she didn't wait for the soldier to come back...?" Kiros asked her
curiously.
/She would have been waiting a long time.../ Raine mentally slapped
herself and shook her head.
"So what! Who cares!?" Laguna burst out, edgy about what Raine might be
thinking. "As long as she's happy, right? That's all that matters! Ain't
that right, Elle?" he turned to Ellone, crouching down to her level.
"Right! Uncle Laguna and Raine are..."
"Ahhhh!" He interrupted her loudly. "OK, enough talk about this!"
Raine wandered upstairs while Laguna and Kiros went out "On patrol".
What did she do now? The identity of the mysterious Julia had been solved
but Raine was still bewildered about /why/ Laguna had stayed in Winhill. Did
he /really/ love /her/? Raine couldn't see another explanation, but,
stubborn as she was, she wouldn't believe it until he said it himself. /She/
certainly wasn't going to say anything.
"Raine...Aren't you gonna marry Uncle Laguna?"
/Wonderful, trust Elle to pick up on the atmosphere in this house at the
moment. The last thing I need is her running up to Laguna and telling
him... what?/
"A guy like that?" she said out loud. "He was carried in here, crying like
a baby, and I was the one who had to take care of him..." /Because you were
too obstinate to let anyone else so much as help you./
Raine poured out a list of complaints, drawing them out of the air in a
desperate attempt to make Ellone drop the subject.
"But he's really nice! I really, really like him! Raine, Uncle Laguna and
Elle should all be together!"
/I wish I could give you the assurances you need, Elle, but it's up to
him. I can't make myself say anything./
"...But you know...I think what he really wants to do is travel all over
the world. I don't think he has it in him to live in a quiet country town
like this one." She tried to find an excuse Elle would be able to
understand and accept. Something that wouldn't get her hopes up. "Some
people are like that. Ouuu, it makes me so mad." /What does? How do you
know he won't stay? He /has/ managed to live happily here for a year now.
Perhaps.../
"You don't like him?" Ellone asked with tears in her brown eyes. Raine
gave up. She couldn't make Elle cry by lying to her. She gave the girl a
truthful answer, the answer she wanted to hear.
"...I feel the same as you, Ellone."
Laguna and Kiros chose that moment to return from their patrol and
anything else Raine might have told the child was left unsaid.
***************