SECOND CHANCES (2/2)
by Nessy and Cirglas
See disclaimers and authors' notes in part one.
POSTED: May 5 th 2000
May 18 th
1:32 pm
ICU
"The worst thing is, it all feels so purposeless now. I mean, I came in
the hope of starting anew, seeing my niece all the time, helping Chloe and
even making myself a career."
Susan and Scully were once again talking about their lives. They both
enjoyed the hour long chats, for they both didn't have that many friends
to talk to and share their feelings and experiences with. And now it seemed
as if they had both found someone who understood them.
"And?" Scully prompted when Susan hesitated.
"And, it turned out completely different. I'm here, working in the ER,
only getting to see Little Suzie about once every two or three weeks, thanks
to my work schedule. Chloe and her husband really don't need my help that much
and 'cept for the few dollars more that I earn, I'm not making much of a
career. I could have just stayed in Chicago all along. This is Chloe's
family and life. I should have concentrated on getting my own and not tried to
cling to someone else's."
"You really think you made the wrong decision?"
"I don't know. What would you have done, had you been me?"
"I'm not sure." Scully thought of Emily again and how much she had loved
the little girl after only a few days. She still wasn't able to tell
Susan about that particular painful memory, but she could certainly relate to that
kind of Connection to a child. Scully knew very well what she had done, had she
been in Susan's place. "I probably would have done the same thing," she
said. "But the question is whether you regret it, especially leaving
Mark."
A long pause.
"Maybe it would have worked out with Mark and me, maybe I could have
stayed. But I'm not so sure about that. If he'd -- if we'd admitted
our feelings earlier, then it might have worked. But by the time we did
admit our feelings, I had already arranged everything. I had planned and organized
my move, I had even said good-bye to Chicago, my former life, my friends...
had gotten used to the idea, had already decided to end the life I had lead
until then. I couldn't just change my plans, make a U-turn only because Mark
had decided he wanted me with him. And I still wanted to be with Suzie, so I
had to be strong. I couldn't show any indecision - especially to Mark."
"But you could have decided differently the minute he admitted his love
for you." Scully was not letting Susan off the hook that quickly. She
realized that this was a very sore topic for her friend, but also that it was
important to talk about.
Another long pause.
Susan averted her gaze. "Yeah, I guess I could have." Then she found the
strength again to meet her friend's gaze. "And just a split second I
wanted to do it. I wanted to stay with him so badly."
"Why didn't you stay?" Scully inquired.
"The way we depended on one another scared me shitless," Susan said
solemnly. The two women chuckled.
"No." Susan's face straightened. "Actually, I think I expected my future
to be with Little Suzie. I had been so lonely when Chloe took her back and I
wanted the pain to ease. I wanted to be a part in Suzie's life; she was
like a daughter to me and I didn't want her to forget me. But I just didn't
take into account the pain it would cause me to leave Mark. I thought I could
always come back to him and we'd resume where we'd left off..."
"Do you think it's still possible?" Now, this was a question Scully
still had to answer for herself and asking it of someone else helped her realize
that.
"I don't know." She smilingly shook her head. "I don't think going back
would be as easy as I thought back then. The irony is, I've been offered
a job in County General again. It's a good job, better paid than this one. My
boss came to me yesterday and told me that there was an opening and he wanted
to notify me, since he thought I was a good candidate for the job,
particularly because I already know the staff and the area. And County General would
even want me back. So now I only have to say 'yes' and the job is mine."
She shrugged.
"Wow, talking about coincidences. Would you want to go back? To Mark?"
Suddenly, a spark in the other woman's eyes appeared that hadn't been
there before. "I'd love to go back. I can almost see his face--- " Her face fell
again. "But it's been over 2 years now. Two and a half, actually. Maybe there's
someone else now, someone that's taken my place... I don't think I could bear
that. I'd rather not know."
"You got a second chance, Susan! It's now or never... No, wait. Let me
rephrase that: it's NOW!" Scully said forcefully with more enthusiasm
than Susan had expected.
Susan shook her head sadly. "I don't know. I have friends here now, I
don't know if I want to start all over again."
"But you wouldn't have to start from scratch. At least not completely.
I'm sure that in two years a lot has changed, but you'll make it. You know
people there. You've been through a lot with them, got to know them really
well.Those are friendships that last. They aren't over just because you
left."
Scully hoped her friend would realize that she shouldn't throw this
once-in-a-life- time chance away.
"You think so?"
"Yeah, I think you should do it."
"Really?" Susan asked in hopeful uncertainty.
"As I said, Susan, you've got a second chance. How many people can say
that about a major decision they've made?"
"That's true." Still not convinced, though.
"How about going there on vacation before you make a definite decision
about the job? You could try it out, test the waters so to speak... You
could check out the situation, get reacquainted with your friends, catch up
and perhaps even make up for lost time. Don't you think they'll be pleased
if you show up for a visit?"
"Yeah, I guess they would."
Scully could see the smile on Susan's face growing and her eyes becoming
more alive. Now to give her the last push: "You could talk to Mark and
see if his feelings were -- are -- genuine and if he still cares for you. And
how you feel about him, for that matter. So? What do you say?"
"I'd say..."
"Yeah?" Scully leaned forward to not miss a word.
"I'd say..." A big grin spread over Susan's face. "I think it's time
for me to go to a Bulls Game again. Haven't been to one in a while..."
May 20 th
4:26 pm
ICU
" 'so that there is distinct evidence of a conspiracy...'--- Oh,
really??--- 'Sources have verified the existence of an unknown agent in the toys
that is used to gather information about the owner.' --- come on, guys!!-----,
'but our sources confirm that not only does the government observe our
children through Star Wars figures, but it also experiments with mind control
devices through matching video games. There are suspicions that George Lucas has
only brought out the new movie to sell even more of the mentioned
merchandise...' ---- This is ridiculous!! Mulder, I hope you realize
what a sacrifice I'm making for you."
There was no reply from the bed, the ever unmoving figure remained as it
was. Scully heaved a sigh and gave the hand she was holding a friendly
squeeze. "Come on, Mulder, I know you're in there somewhere... It's
time to bug the nurses and infuriate the doctors..."
Heaving a sigh, Scully turned the page with her unoccupied hand and
skimmed the next few articles to find one that she could read to Mulder.
This was horrible. Here she was, reading THE LONE GUNMAN to Mulder, for
his benefit as well as to kill time. She just hoped the room wasn't
bugged and that nobody could hear these crazy ramblings about government
conspiracies and aliens, because she was afraid they'd take her straight to a mental
asylum.
But she was already through her medical magazines, that day's Washington
Post and the new issue of THE BEST CROSSWORDS EVER - not that
Mulder had been a great help solving them. She refused to read a
SEVENTEEN to Mulder. She had seen one in the waiting room but had not
taken it with her. So the guys' theories kept her company when her
favorite believer was out. Good thing The Gunmen had sent the new issue to their
hotel... she didn't even want to know how the guys had gotten Mulder's
and her recent address.
"Mulder, if you don't wake up soon, I'll start to believe this stuff I'm
reading." No reaction. This was terrible. The doctors had said he would
probably wake up during the next 24 hours or so, but of course they
didn't know for sure. It was up to Mulder. It was up to Mulder to lay her
worries about him to rest. "Mulder, wake up and tell me you're okay."
Because that didn't get his attention, she tried humor: "Come on, Mulder
I'm bored senseless. I need one of your wild theories to poke holes in, or
how about a nice little argument about the existence of extraterrestrials?"
Since there was still no reply from the man on the bed, she gave up for
the time being. She dropped the magazine on the bedside table and looked
around the room for something to do. Nothing. She started tapping her
foot and made herself stop. After a while she noticed that now she was
drumming her fingers on the armrest instead.
She closed her eyes and rolled her head around to relieve some tension.
"You know, Mulder, this is not what I understand under 'silent
communication'."
She felt a slight squeeze of her hand.
And then he started choking on the tube down his throat.
She jumped up in a fluid motion that was so quick it only took an
instan and pushed the nurses' button. Then she was at his side.
"It's okay, Mulder, don't fight the respirator. Just try to relax. The
doctors will be here in a sec and they'll remove it right away. That's good.
Just let it breathe for you, there you go."
At her words and touch he calmed down a bit, but he appeared far from
happy with the situation -- who could blame him for that?
She brushed the stubborn lock of hair from his brow and then stroked his
cheek with the back of her fingers.
She hated to see Mulder suffering because of the respirator and wondered
how long the nurses or doctors would need to get there... Mulder pulled
violently at the restraints that bound his hands. Scully recognized he
certainly didn't like the machine breathing for him and desperately
wanted to rip out the respirator.
When Mulder started choking again, it was Scully's cue to take action.
She tore open the drawer of the bedside table, grabbed a pair of scissors
and swiftly cut the smaller tube that lead to the inflation cuff of the
respirator.
"You can't wait, huh? Okay, Mulder, help me out. When I say 'now',
breath out as hard as you can.-- NOW!" While he breathed out, she pulled out
the now-deflated tube.
Though in pain and coughing, Mulder seemed relieved to get rid of the
offending plastic and he thanked her with his eyes.
"There you go." She smiled at him. She smoothed her hand through his
hair and patted his good shoulder. "Welcome back, Mulder."
May 22 th
Room 416
12:33 pm
"Mulder do you want me to feed you?" Scully remarked after watching
Mulder pick and prod his jello for 5 minutes.
Scully had picked an untimely moment for her comment, for Mulder was
just taking a sip of water. Her remark caused him to choke and send the water
flying through the room.She chuckled and patted his back to alleviate his suffering.
"Sorry," Scully apologized when he had calmed down again.
"You want to kill me, Scully?"
"What, you can dish out, but not receive?"
"Scully, you wound me." He tried to get her with his famous puppy-dog
look.
"I will if you won't eat your jello."
"I thought you'd feed me."
"You wish."
"You been reading my journal again?" he leered.
"That would be a good idea. Maybe then I'd understand what's going on in
that brilliant mind of yours."
"Brilliant, huh?"
"Oops, please, don't tell Skinner I slipped..."
"You keeping other secrets from me?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"You're a brilliant FBI agent... figure it out yourself."
"Think I should start with body-searching you?"
She sent a look his way that he had trouble identifying as good or bad.
He swallowed.
A knock interrupted their gaze. The door opened and Susan stepped in.
"Hey, Mulder, I heard you're being a pill... The nurses said they've
never seen anyone as stubborn as you."
Mulder smiled a welcome to the intruder. He had only met Dr. Lewis
briefly yesterday but had liked her and she and Scully seemed to have developed
a particular friendship over the week he'd been in the hospital.
"Well, that's what I promised you, Susan, remember?" Scully smiled at
her friend. "I've tried to make him stop, but he keeps bugging everybody --
including me -- with the question of when he'll be out of here. How was
your morning?"
A few medical sentences followed, of which Mulder understood the words
'I' and 'was able to'. That was about it, so he gave up trying. When he
heard 'Chicago' mentioned he looked up, thinking he might be able to take part
in the conversation again.
"Yeah, Chicago's beautiful this time of year. I talked to Carol and she
said I should wait another week or two before I go...", Susan was just now
saying.
Mulder's thoughts drifted off again. What on earth were they talking
about? The worst thing was, he was used to having Scully all to himself when in
hospital. And now? This time she had made friends with this doctor.
Okay, Susan was nice and he was glad Scully hadn't been sitting around all
alone while he was out of it. But now he was awake, so Scully was supposed to
give him her undivided attention.
He looked back at Scully's profile and absently nibbled his bottom lip
while pondering what to do to attract her attention.
"Scully, did you know--"
"Can it wait just a minute, Mulder?" And with an apologetic smile she
continued her conversation with Susan.
Mulder was dumbfounded. What was going on? He tried two or three more
times to squeeze in a sentence of his own, but failed miserably.
Women...
He was getting bored and started playing with his jello. He scooped it
up on the spoon and played catapult. The smudge of jello landed in front of
him on the blanket. He was satisfied though, for he knew Scully would react to
that; she was such a neat freak.
However, Scully only took the napkin from the tablet and without so much
as a glance in his direction cleaned the mess up without missing a beat in
her sentence.
Mulder prayed to the heavens above that Scully would pay attention to
him again.
Someone must have listened, because, just then, Susan's beeper went off.
"Well, gotta run." Lewis quickly exited the room with a "see you, guys"
thrown over her shoulder.
Yes! Scully was all his ---
"Mulder, I think I'll go, too."
Oh, NO!! Mulder's hopes were destroyed.
"Don't look at me like that, Mulder. I didn't run after the suspect and
get shot. I will not suffer through jello. I prefer REAL food, thank you
very much."
He shot her a glare. "What about the cafeteria?"
"No, thanks. I know what hospital food is like, that's why I'm eating
out. Anyway, the police department asked me to stop by today, so I'll eat
something on the way over there."
"And you make me eat my jello!"
"Mulder, if you're a good boy, I'll ask them to only give you ice cream
instead of all that jello..."
His eyes lit up. "Hmmm. I wonder if there's sunflower seed ice cream?"
She fought the smile in reaction to his joke, but failed. "And I
promise, I'll be back to read you a good-night story."
One side of his mouth curved up.
Scully started collecting her stuff and then leaned over to give Mulder
a hug which he gladly returned as well as he could with a hurting shoulder.
"You know, if you're REALLY good, I might even sing you a lullaby tonight,"
she whispered into his ear right before she gave him a peck on his cheek.
His smile became a full-fledged grin.
Reluctantly, they let go of each other and she left.
And Mulder grinned throughout the afternoon.
Epilogue
About 7 months later
December 18 th, 1999
Dana Scully woke up with a warm feeling of contentment. She stretched
languidly, bathing in the knowledge that it was Saturday and there was
no need to go into work today. The bed shifted as Mulder came awake next to
her. She rolled onto her side and lovingly gazed down at him. His eyes
slowly opened and revealed hazel orbs looking back at her.
"Hey, Scully."
"Hey, yourself."
They smiled at each other and after quite a while of reading each
other's eyes, Scully leaned down to touch her lips to his.
She still couldn't quite believe it: Mulder and she were lovers now, had
been for almost six months, actually. Scully smiled as she remembered the
"pep-talk" she had given Susan a few days before that and the way her new
friend had turned towards her afterwards and said:
"You know what, Dana? I'll tell you something. You start working on your
relationship with Mulder and I -- I'll go visit Mark, okay? Is that a
deal?"
Scully had looked at her shoes a little embarrassed and had replied:
"Susan, you don't understand. My situation is different from yours --"
"Right, you don't have to move somewhere else for this someone and you
pretty much know that your man loves you."
"No. -- Yes. Well, that isn't what I mean. Mulder's and my jobs are very
dangerous. We have made ourselves numerous enemies over time and I'm
afraid they might use a relationship between Mulder and me against us."
"From what you've told me, they already do that. You haven't told me
everything, I know, but I think life is hard and short enough. Everybody
takes risks every day: driving in traffic, riding an elevator, eating in
a restaurant. I admit that my job isn't as risky as yours - even though I
used to think it's pretty dangerous, before you told me about your life...
Anyway, I admit your life is in greater jeopardy than those of 'normal' people,
but that's why you have to live a little. Milk life for what it's worth, Dana. You
deserve a little happiness in life, too, you know."
What could she have said to that, other than "yes."? So she had agreed
to at least give it a try and ask Mulder about his plans for their future -
since she felt that he had some say in the matter, too - while Susan would go back
and visit her friend(s) in Chicago.
It was Mulder's turn to make breakfast, so Scully claimed the shower for
herself. They had decided to go Christmas shopping today and since they
did want to get going, they mutually decided that he better not join her in
the bathroom. When she stepped into the kitchen they enjoyed breakfast
together. After that Mulder took his shower whilst Scully did the
dishes.
That done, she had some extra time to kill so she went to fetch the
mail. Sifting through the envelopes, a colorful postcard caught her attention.
She marveled on the beautiful sunset over a city that was portrayed there.
She smiled when she read what was scribbled over it:
Greetings from Chicago.
She only new one person from Chicago.
She quickly turned it over and scanned the handwriting. She smiled at
the good news her friend had for her. Then she read it again more closely.
Hey, Dana,
thought I'd drop you a line. Mark is great.
We just celebrated our 1/2 -year anniversary a few
days ago. Chicago's a lot 'hotter' than I remembered
it. :-) Hope you and Mulder are doing okay.
If you happen to come to Chicago,
please stop by, I have a lot to thank you for.
Marry X-mas, you two. Take care (of each other).
Thanx, Susan
End of Story
MYTOWN
NOW THAT I FOUND YOU
You believe we're meant to be
Our chemistry will last forever
And through the years we've seen some tears
We'll conquer fears, together we will grow
When I'm looking in your eyes they tell me
I'll no longer have to feel alone
Because you, you see me
The real me
You believe in me