Chapter 3-In the belly of the beast
"Would you two mind keeping the hell up?" snapped Ash turning around to see Violent J and Shaggy collectively known as ICP trailing a good deal behind him.
"Shut up!" retaliated J. "It's hard work walkin across this damn carnival!"
"Maybe if ya weren't eating those steaks on tour. You'd be able to walk faster," snickered Shaggy.
"Fuck you Shaggs! I don't see you walking any faster!"
"Cause I don't want you to feel like you're a fat piece of shit!"
Ash simply shook his head and continued to walk through an area of tents that seemed as if they where going on forever. Out of nowhere a fireball shot at him and would have taken Ash's head off had he not ducked upon hearing the sound of it coming towards him. Ash pulled himself up and saw several jugglers emerging from the tents. From another tent came several of the kung-fu zombie clowns but this time they where followed by several that had the same black sweater/sweatpants outfit and clown makeup but where at least eight feet tall and weighed at least 700 pounds.
"Let's see if you guys can actually do something useful this time!" yelled Ash getting up only to have one of the skinny clowns grab the back of his head, knee him in the face several times. With each knee shot being more violent then than the previous and top it off by hip tossing him into the ground.
Ash managed to whip out his shotgun and blast two oncoming clowns back then drove the but end of it into the face of a juggler. Ash glanced to his left and saw two jugglers throw a barrage of fireballs and would have reacted instantly but before he could, one of the fat clowns locked him into a hemlock position type hold. The fireballs where a mere inch from Ash's face before they burst. Ash also felt the grip the fat clown was having on him weaken enough for Ash to break free and see Violent J throwing an endless series of hatchets into the fat clown.
Ash grinned and jerked his chain saw arm turning it on. He saw Shaggy taking care of the two jugglers and then heard someone running towards him and without even turning around spun his chain saw arm back and heard it cut through flesh. He finally looked down and saw that he had taken care of two more skinny clowns. He also saw their numbers where thinning. Ash breathed in several times and attacked the nearest clown zombie which happened to be the last of the fat clowns. He raised his shotgun to head level and fired. The blast nearly destroyed its face but did little to deter it. Frustrated, Ash tried to drive his chain saw into the obese belly of the clown but it was in vain as his arm was now stuck inside the clowns stomach.
Roaring with hideous laughter, the fat clown wrapped his hands around Ash's head which where also as fat as the rest of him right down to the fingernails. Still laughing in triumph, the clown opened its mouth and lowered it down towards Ash's head. Ash tried in desperation to pull his arm out but the fat held it firmly inside. Ash continued to struggle even when he felt the clown swallow him down to his torso. Ash's struggles where also growing weaker and weaker until he finally relinquished his attempt to get out for less than a moment and the clown had him. He reached down and grabbed Ash's legs, tipped him up and dropped him inside his mouth.
Ash's first instinct was to turn on his chain saw but found that he was so tightly cramped inside it was impossible. He was still able to move his left hand around, but only a little and not enough to reach over and turn on his chain saw. He stretched his fingers down and felt his shotgun which must have gone down with him. He tried to move around a little more but was unable to. Feeling tired, Ash stretched his hand out as far as he could and grabbed the gun slid it up his hand enough so that he could clutch the trigger, aimed up and fired several times.
After several shots, he felt everything around him tremor and felt a crash and realized he must have killed the clown. He also saw that he still was unable to lift his chain saw arm or reach over and turn it on. He swore under his breath as he came to the conclusion that he would have to ask ICP to help him. "Hey Clowns!"
"Yo Shaggs!"
Shaggy ended his victory dance over the mutilated corpses of the jugglers and clowns and stared at Violent J. "What?"
"You hear something?"
"Nah…I didn't hear anyth-"
"Yes you did!" snapped a muffled voice
"NOW I heard something."
"Over here!"
J and Shaggy walked over to where they heard the voice and looked down to see the clown who bore several gaping holes in his stomach. J noticed Ash's head through the holes and burst out cackling. "Holy shit Ash! You got ate by one of the fat clowns!"
"Really?" asked Ash. "I hadn't noticed. I can't get to my chainsaw and the gun isn't doing much! Get one of the hatchets and cut me out of here!"
Violent J continued to cackle as he walked around the clown and kneeled down. "You're in a pretty bad spot huh?"
"I think he is," agreed Shaggy.
"Just cut me out of here!" yelled Ash who was growing more angry by the second.
"First off…as partner in this carnival we figure it's only right that we are given fair treatment."
"First off…" began Shaggy. "Ya muscle bound bitch we don't like you always pointing that ugly ass shotgun at us all the time."
"We also don't like you never appreciatin all the times we've saved yer ass."
"Like right now," agreed J. "We're just about to save you when we could just walk away and git us some Faygo."
"Ya know…I could go for some Faygo right now," mused Shaggy.
"Not now," snapped J annoyed. "Tell ya what…we'll cut you out of the fat-ass clown if you say "ICP…not only do I love your music…but I love you and would not make it out of here alive had it not been for your tireless efforts at ensuring my sorry ass survival."
Shaggy was stunned, "Shit J…. Good choice of words."
Violent J grinned, "I know…and they said a ninth grade edumacation wouldn't do shit for us. I kick so much ass."
Shaggy nodded in agreement, "Damn right…your hairs the shit too."
"Thanks Shaggs."
"WILL YOU TWO STOP COMPLIMENTING EACH OTHER AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"
The clowns jumped and looked down at Ash who was still inside the fat clown. "Okay…okay damn man no fucking respect." Violent J snatched a hatchet away from a dead clown zombie and walked towards the fat clown, reached down and sliced from the waist up to the throat, reached in and pulled out Ash in one swipe.
"Remember what you said about no respect?" asked Ash breathing hard.
"Yeah."
"Well here's my way of saying thanks for your swift response." Ash reached behind J's head and pulled him into Ash' s knee, driving it into J's stomach. He threw his gun into the holster on his back and turned to Shaggy. "You want some too?"
"N-no man….I'm jus fine," he ducked under Ash and picked up Violent J who was wheezing and coughing.
Ash rose his good arm and stretched it around, glad to be free. "Good…let's move on before some more of those zombie clowns and jugglers show up." He leaned his chain saw arm and continued on the same path with Shaggy pulling J along a moment later.