Welcome to my dog house! Ready to kick it doggy style? It's...
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 14: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Part 6)
(BY JUPITER KNIGHT)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. This MST is done completely for fun, and not to totally make fun of the author. Unlike some people, please take this little C&C light-heartedly!
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SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Sailor Silver Knight is standing up, pointing to some words on a screen. Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight are both seated, in the middle of a word association game.)
S.KNIGHT: Okay, remember, say the first thing that comes to your mind, 'kay?
TUXEDO: Got'cha.
FALCON: No problem.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, here we go. (Points to the first word.) Satellite.
FALCON: Of Love.
TUXEDO: Trapped.
S.KNIGHT: All right. Robots.
TUXEDO: Tom.
FALCON: Crow.
S.KNIGHT: Doctor
TUXEDO: Foresster.
FALCON: Foresster.
S.KNIGHT: Oscar.
TUXEDO: Headache.
FALCON: Beastiality.
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight.
FALCON: Headache.
TUXEDO: (Shaking violently.) DAMN PIECE OF (BLEEP)! CAPTURING ME AND PUTING ME INTO THAT FANFIC! ARGH!
(Rises from his seat and rips apart the screen. Falcon and S.Knight run for cover.)
FALCON: Cripes! And he's the most together of all of us!
S.KNIGHT: I think that title belongs to me, thank you! (Notices Cambot.) Oh, hi all! Welcome back to the SOL. Umm...we'll have to get back to you for obvious reasons. Just hold on...
(Tuxedo Alex is seen chewing on the tattered remains of the screen as the feed cuts off.)
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE
(Tuxedo Alex has calmed down a bit, sitting in the corner. Sailor Silver Knight, the one who sentenced him there, has a look of relief on her face. Falcon Knight is just staring in disbelief.)
FALCON: Damn, you had to be that hard on him?
S.KNIGHT: I train my men well...wait a minute, who am I talking to?
FALCON: Aw, be quiet!
(The message light starts to flash.)
S.KNIGHT: Oh well. Lina Inverse and Gowry are calling.
(On the hexfield, Dr. F. is seen with tons of papers around him. In the background, we see explosion after explosion, with laughter from the Bots, and Frank being thrown all across the laboratory.)
DR. F.: Greetings, Ash, Misty, and Brock! I trust you enjoyed the lemon I sent you last time?
S.KNIGHT: About as much as a boot to the head, Doc.
FALCON: Man, that story just bites!
DR. F.: Well, I hope you did, because I can't show you anymore.
FALCON: What? You had a change of heart?
DR. F.: No, I literally CAN'T show you anymore! It turns out that the Mad Scientists Association condemned that fanfic ages ago. It was too cruel even for their tastes. So now that I showed it to you, they sued me for every penny I owned! That's what all this paperwork is for!
S.KNIGHT: Yes! Hey Alex! Foresster says "No More RCOF!"
TUXEDO: ...(Just ignores it, a sullen look on his face.)
FALCON: I see that our pals haven't caused you too much trouble, huh?
DR. F.: Frank's on the job as we speak. (Another explosion sends Frank careening into one of the many super computers. Foresster sighs). Anyway, "Evil Guy From Another Dimension" hasn't been outlawed yet, so you're getting Part 6 today!
TOM: Incoming!
DR. F.: What? YAGH!
(Dr. F. ducks as TV's Frank heads straight towards the camera of Deep 13 1/3. Frank collides, and the hexfield goes black.)
FALCON: Uh oh...
S.KNIGHT: How's Alex going to take this...
TUXEDO: (Slowly rising) I heard.
FALCON: You okay buddy?
TUXEDO: Jupiter Knight may have caused me a lot of pain but...(curls his hands into fists)...but I won't let him win! Lets go in there, and riff the hell out of this fanfic!
FALCON: All right!
(The klaxons go off)
TUXEDO: Okay, every body! WE GOT JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
(2)
(1)
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THEATER
(All walk in and take their seats.)
TUXEDO: Well, back to the hurting.
S.KNIGHT: At least thanks to the American Legal System, RCOF isn't gonna be inflicted on us!
FALCON: Be thankful for lawyers, people.
Whee. I'm on a roll.
S.KNIGHT: It's fresh out of the oven and has butter on it!
I lied last time. I said BSSMK episode 9 would be done next, but it isn't. It's underway, though. I was just in the perfect mood to write this.
TUXEDO (Jupiter Knight): My crack dealer just got his new shipment in!
Anyway, here we go with the wackiness.
FALCON: Translated, he's going to whack off.
TUXEDO: ADAM!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
Part 6 - Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi.
S.KNIGHT: Oh, Lord...
FALCON: The useless cast of characters continue to grow...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last time on EGFAD:
TUXEDO: We find out that Saddam Hussein doesn't have the "nukes" to stand up to the Senshi.
Saddam became frightened and ran away from the speeches of the Senshi and friends.
FALCON: Normally, they make people fall asleep. This IS a parallel universe!
S.KNIGHT: Hush up, Bird Boy.
The leather Senshi have arrived, making things even more frightening.
TUXEDO: Girls in leather! Run!
FALCON: Scantily clad women!....Uh...run...
TUXEDO: Yeah...run...
(Both men start to drool. Sailor Silver Knight gets slightly ticked off.)
S.KNIGHT: Guys...
(Both men still stare at the screen, uninterrupted.)
S.KNIGHT: GUYS!
(Their attention is still upon the screen.)
S.KNIGHT: Okay, that does it! SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(A huge wave of stars send the two guys into the walls of the theater, creating Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight sized dents in the walls.)
FALCON: Owie...
S.KNIGHT: I think the Bots have rubbed off on you a little too much.
TUXEDO: I think you're right...ow...
(The two return to their seats, limping.)
What's next? Maybe random villains from the past? Maybe more witty dialogue between Haruka and Michiru?
TUXEDO (Haruka): So, what do you want to do today?
S.KNIGHT (Michiru): I dunno, what do you want to do?
TUXEDO (Haruka): Now don't start that again!
Maybe more non-existent plot?
FALCON: You mean what the last five parts were? Nah, couldn't be.
Who knows?
And on with the show.
S.KNIGHT: We interrupt you from your annoying commercials to bring you something MORE annoying!
The Evil Guy sat on the throne, reading the newspaper.
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Damn constipation...
S.KNIGHT: Not you, too...
He was waiting for his next chump, er, henchman.
S.KNIGHT: Er, chump.
He heard a knock on the door. It was him.
"Just a moment," said Evil Guy.
FALCON (Evil guy): My microwave popcorn's almost done!
"No hurry," said the man outside.
Evil Guy stood up and flushed the toilet, then pulled his pants up.
ALL: (groan)
FALCON: We really needed image.
He made sure he washed his hands, because he was going to eat a sandwich later.
ALL: (more groaning)
TUXEDO: Nothing like detailing the BAD stuff, right JK?
S.KNIGHT: Then this story is the most descriptive piece of crap ever written.
He then opened the door. The man outside fainted, or possibly died from the smell. No, he just fainted.
TUXEDO: Just to make sure, Evil Guy lit a match, and blew himself up. The End.
FALCON: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
* * * * *
"Okay, you are to kill the Senshi, or at the very least, make a complete fool of yourself," said Evil Guy.
S.KNIGHT: Does that even have to be riffed?
"I'll make them sweat with the oldies," said the man.
FALCON: Aw, geez...
TUXEDO: First there's Hortense, then Saddam Hussein, now RICHARD SIMMONS?
"I, the 4th cousin, 3 times removed of Richard Simmons, Simon Simmons, will make sure they die of dehydration after they sweat a lot!!!!"
S.KNIGHT: Well, at least it isn't Richard!
TUXEDO: There's no difference. We're doomed.
"Very good, very good. Go do it!"
* * * * *
Usagi walked up to Mamoru and said, "Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my naked body?"
FALCON: Heh heh heh...maybe this fanfic isn't so bad...
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARR...
FALCON: All right! All right! Sorry!
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
"Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my nakedbody?" asked Rei.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
S.KNIGHT: Gee, notice a trend?
FALCON: Yeah. It is pleasing.
TUXEDO: You're pushing it...
"Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my nakedbody?" asked Ami.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
To avoid redundancy, Makoto and Minako did the same.
FALCON: And I avoided redundancy by saying "Suck it!" about 75 times.
TUXEDO: And I avoided redundancy by saying "No I'm not that kind of person" about 75 times.
FALCON: Bite me!...wait...
"Haruka, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my naked body?"asked Michiru.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"she answered.
"Copycats!" exclaimed Usagi.
S.KNIGHT (Usagi): You stole my horny comments! I'm telling Mom!
* * * * *
Under the umbrella, a small girl with red hair and heart shaped odango said, "Chibi."
TUXEDO: Oh, damn.
S.KNIGHT: Cuteness factor at 12:00!
FALCON: RUN!
* * * * *
"Oh damn," said the reader.
TUXEDO: ...Okay, JK, that was a cheap shot!
S.KNIGHT: Wow, this fanfic really does probe our minds...
* * * * *
"It's been three days since Chibiusa returned to the future.
FALCON (Usagi): Party at my house!
Ihope she made back okay," said Usagi.
"Oh, she should be fine," said Setsuna while smoking weed.
TUXEDO: Okay, she does smoke weed, but does she do smack?
FALCON: Does she do speed? Does she do crack?
S.KNIGHT: Does she chew 'shrooms? Does she drink beer?
FALCON: We gotta make a few things clear!
TUXEDO: Damn, Eminem is a good rapper!
* * * * *
Meanwhile, on a desolate and cold Earth, sometime just after the turn of the century, that is a bit after 2000, Chibiusa and Diana stood on some street in Tokyo looking around for the Crystal Palace.
FALCON (Nelson): Ha, ha!
"Diana, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," said Chibiusa.
S.KNIGHT (singing): Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, there is the SOL and fanfics to make you cry...
"Kansas? Where's that?" asked Diana.
TUXEDO (Olly): Off the coast of Kentucy, I believe.
S.KNIGHT (Sifl): Don't you know what our biggest state is?
TUXEDO (Olly): Canada, what else?
FALCON: I think you two do MTV to death.
"How the hell should I know? I'm not the one typing!" exclaimed Chibiusa.
TUXEDO: Trust me, Chibiusa, you could do a better job.
"I think Puu messed up."
TUXEDO: Mr. Hankey has a Japanese name?
FALCON: Messed up in putting Chibiusa here, or messing up her mind with drugs?
S.KNIGHT: No and Yes.
"No duh, Small Lady," said Diana.
TUXEDO (Chibiusa): Oh, talk to the hand, cause the face don't understand!
* * * * *
"I, Simon Simmons, aka Simon^2, will get you Senshi!"
FALCON (Dr. Claw): ...next time! Next time!
exclaimed Simon. With his pear shaped body, he plodded down the road towards the Shaprin fitness center. "First, I need to get in shape!"
S.KNIGHT: Oh, so it's the fat, ugly, balding cousin of Richard Simmons.
TUXEDO: Take away "fat", and you HAVE Richard Simmons.
He came up to the door and read a poster, "Special guest this week, Richard Simmons."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" exclaimed Simon^2.
FALCON: But it turned out to be the Robotic Richard Simmons by mistake, and he exploded, taking out Simon^2. The End.
S.KNIGHT: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
* * * * *
At the shrine, all nine of the Senshi were sitting around doing things and stuff,
TUXEDO: You know, creating new molecular compounds, solving the world hunger crisis, signing world peace treaties. Just stuff.
when the small girl walked in the door.
"Chibi," she said.
FALCON: Kawaii Alert!
S.KNIGHT: Hide the women and children!
TUXEDO: Great, that leaves me to fend for myself!
FALCON: Wait...are you saying that I'm a child?
TUXEDO: No, I'm calling you a woman. What did you think?
(Silver Knight cracks up while Falcon sinks into his seat.)
"OH NO! It's horrible!" exclaimed Usagi. "I want my mommy!"
S.KNIGHT (Usagi): It's so horrible! I need to know how to get MY hair like that, but I can't!
"Calm down, Usagi-chan," said Ami. "It's only another young girl that looks like you."
"Like you," said the girl.
TUXEDO (Chibi-Chibi): Like you, I've been thrown into this plotless story by this brain-dead author.
"Oh. Hey little girl that looks like me, what's your name?" asked Usagi.
"Chibi. Chibi Chibi."
"Oooookay, where are you from?"
FALCON: iM fRoM a PlAcE wHeRe ThE hOrRiFyInG hElL bEaStS rOaM. I aM cAlLeD tOrGo!
OTHERS: GAH! Adam!
"You from?"
Usagi sweatdropped. "This is scary. It's like deja vu."
S.KNIGHT: This fanfic is scary. Everything we say somehow appears in the text.
TUXEDO: Kinda like a parrot, huh?
"Deja vu."
Setsuna, still a bit stoned, said, "She's like, you know, parrot girl."
"Parrot girl. Chibi."
TUXEDO: ...OKAY, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS MIND PROBING FANFIC!
FALCON: Woah, settle down.
TUXEDO: Sorry...damn Jupiter Knight...
* * * * *
S.KNIGHT: Pinball Bumpers!
TUXEDO: We're running out of original comments for the dividing lines, aren't we?
S.KNIGHT: Yep...
"That's it! This time we will kill you, Simon^2!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
ALL: WOAH! (Rocking in their seats.)
FALCON: Talk about being violently thrown into the next scene!
"What the hell? Nice scene change," said Simon^2.
"Scene change."
TUXEDO: And now, to quote from Megane 6.7...
ALL: SCEEEEEEEENE CHAAAAAAAAAANGE! SCEEEEEEEEEEENE CHAAAAAAAAAAANGE!
TUXEDO: Thank you.
"Dammit! Is she still here?!" exclaimed Sailor Moon. "I have gone through an immediate scene change and an unscheduled mood swing! I am really pissed off!
S.KNIGHT (Sailor Moon): I have been using my dialogue in the descriptive sense a while now!
Now, where is Mamo-chan?"
FALCON: Boffing with Raye and Rini. You're point?
TUXEDO: AUGH! RINI'S CHANGE OF FORTUNE FLASHBACK!!!
S.KNIGHT: He read ahead in that one, didn't he?
FALCON: Poor guy.
*SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*
TUXEDO: The bras of all the Sailor Senshi fell off simultaneously, exposing their bare chests.
FALCON: YES! OH, YES!
S.KNIGHT: Alex, stop catering to the hentai!
TUXEDO: Sorry.
The Senshi and Simon^2 look around.
S.KNIGHT (Random Senshi): (whistling) Well, this is rather boring, just looking around, don't you think?
TUXEDO (Simon^2): I agree.
"If you are affiliated with Sailor Galaxia, say your prayers," said one of the leather Senshi.
FALCON (Simon^2): Nope, sure ain't. Sorry.
S.KNIGHT (Leather Senshi): Oh...okay. Guess we can take off, eh guys?
"Who are you? And this is not in the anime timeline, or even the manga timeline," said Sailor Pluto.
TUXEDO (Pluto): Actually it is, but the author filled me up with drugs, so who knows what's going on?
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"Stage on!"
TUXEDO: Then when Simon^2 blasted the hell out of them, they said:
ALL: STAGE OUT!
"Didn't you say that last time?" asked Sailor Moon.
Simon^2 interrupted them and asked, "I need a proper introduction from you guys. I have no idea which one is which."
FALCON: Aw, hell, they're gonna go through the complicated introduction phase again?
Sailor Moon sighed and said, "Here we go again. I am Sailor Moon! Yadda yadda yadda, tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!"
S.KNIGHT: Looks that way.
FALCON: Dammit!
"I am Sailor Mercury! I'm smart, I wear blue! Don't you dare send me a love letter, or I will exterminate you!"
"I am Sailor Mars! My grandfather is a pervert! I go to a Catholic school and I'm Shinto!
TUXEDO (Rei): My turn-ons are talks by a cozy fire place and making Yuuichiro's life a living hell!
That's some information you didn't need!"
"I am Sailor Jupiter! My talent in skating and my talent in cooking will astonish you! But my overall talent is something that will outclass you by a mile!"
FALCON: And that would be...
S.KNIGHT: Adam...
FALCON: Um...martial arts!
TUXEDO: Good save.
"I am Sailor Venus! 2 + 2 = 5! On behalf of punishment, I will moon you!"
"That's wrong, Venus-chan," said Sailor Jupiter.
"It is?" asked Sailor Venus. She turned around, aimed her ass at Simon^2, and bent over.
ALL: (Sounds of pain and agony.)
S.KNIGHT: Of all the ways a phrase like that could've been turned around...
"I am Sailor Pluto! I am really stoned and I think I'm going to throw up!
TUXEDO: (Holds up an umbrella) Not on us you're not!
FALCON: I don't think on us, Alex.
TUXEDO: But this is "Evil Guy"! I'm just getting prepared.
Small Lady is in the 21st century!"
"WHAT?!?!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
ALL: SHE SAID: "SMALL LADY IS IN THE 21ST CENTURY!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! The sea tells me that you don't drink enough water! It's required for healthy living!"
"I am Sailor Uranus!
FALCON (Uranus): If you show me Uranus, I'll show you mine!
OTHERS: ADAM!
You can't have Neptune! She's my lover!"
"I am Sailor Saturn! I may be chronologically challenged, but that doesn't mean I can't be a messiah!"
TUXEDO: I thought people like her were to be called "Agely Impared."
"Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."
S.KNIGHT: Loosely translated, "Small small. Small? Small! Small small, small."
FALCON: It's Michelle and her working knowledge of Japanese!
"I am Luna! This is my only line in this fanfic, so it better be good!"
TUXEDO: Wow, that line sucked, don't you think?
S.KNIGHT: Yeah. What a bad line.
"I am Artemis! That was a bad line, Luna!"
S.KNIGHT: ......
FALCON: Do we duck now?
TUXEDO: Yep.
S.KNIGHT: This is for probing my mind! SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(Both men duck under their seats as Sailor Silver Knight blasts the screen with energy stars. Unfortunately, the stars reflect off of the screen and start to bounce around the theater.)
TUXEDO: Take cover!
FALCON: What are you, nuts?
S.KNIGHT: It's not my fault the screen's protected!
(The stars dissipate, and everyone returns to their seats.)
S.KNIGHT: Sorry, guys. Really!
TUXEDO: Apologies later. Finishing the fanfic now.
"I am Motoki! Keep it down out there! No one can hear the video games!"
"Gomen nasai, Motoki-oniisan!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
FALCON (Sailor Moon): We'll stop the fanfic for you Motoki!
TUXEDO: I wish THAT would be picked up from our minds.
"I am Sailor Juno! Don't ask me why I'm here, but I'm in the mood for some action!"
FALCON: Then why don't you come to my place and...
TUXEDO: (Punches Falcon in the head.) ADAM!
"I am Sailor Vesta! This fuku is so much better than what I woren with the Dead Moon Circus!"
S.KNIGHT: Woren?
TUXEDO: Remember, he's from Canada.
FALCON: Good point.
"I am Sailor Ceres! Yeah, but those were more revealing!"
"I am Sailor Pallas! If you have a toothache, I'll rip your head off!"
"Good grief, two parts in a row. Run while you can, Simon^2," said Saddam Hussein from the sidewalk.
TUXEDO: Hussein's a common bum now?
S.KNIGHT: See what failing Evil Guy gets you? You lose your dignity AND your position of power.
"And Sailor Senshi, I won't bother you anymore. President Clinton's problems are perfect for my plan to take over the United States."
FALCON: So Saddam is gonna claim that he had an affair with Clinton?
S.KNIGHT: Adam...
Simon^2 didn't listen to his predecessor. "Sailor Senshi, die by Sweatin' With the Oldies! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* *cough*"
TUXEDO: Sorry, we fixed the heater a couple of weeks ago. We're pretty comfortable right now, actually.
The Senshi went into a huddle,
FALCON: Set, 22! Red 23! Hut, hut, HIKE!
Sailor Moon saying, "Should we take him now or let him think he's winning for a while?"
"Let's have fun with him," said Sailor Uranus.
S.KNIGHT (Uranus): I got the whip!
TUXEDO (Neptune): Handcuffs are my department!
FALCON (Pluto): I'll get the candles. Be right back!
"Sounds fine by me," said Sailor Mercury, who then blushed.
"By me," said Chibi Chibi.
TUXEDO: Sorry you had to be put in this compromising position, Amy.
"Star Serious Laser!" exclaimed Sailor Star Fighter.
"You've got to be kidding," said Simon^2.
"I said serious!"
FALCON (Star Fighter): Yep. Nuthin' funny 'bout that!
"Star Sensitive Inferno!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
"A sensitive inferno?" asked Simon^2. "That's almost an oxymoron."
TUXEDO: Oxymoron. Definition: A zit-covered fanfic author.
S.KNIGHT: Clever.
"Star Gentle Uterus!" exclaimed Sailor Star Maker.
Simon^2 fell down laughing at that one. At that moment, all three attacks hit him and he was fried, sunny side up.
S.KNIGHT: Rats. I like my villains scrambled.
"Hmm. Were you even listening to us?" asked Sailor Moon.
"No, we were on top of this building. Going into a huddle with you would be a bit difficult from here," said Sailor Star Fighter.
FALCON: But then, they decided "what the hell", fell off the building to join the huddle, crashing into the Scouts and flattening them. The end.
S.KNIGHT: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
"That's no excuse, you invaders from outside the solar system!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.
Hey, no name calling!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
TUXEDO: Doo-doo head!
S.KNIGHT: Poopy Pants!
FALCON: Butt licker!
TUXEDO: GAH! RCOF FLASHBACK!
FALCON: Sorry. Heh.
"Name calling!" exclaimed Chibi Chibi. "Chibi."
"However, she's cute," said Sailor Star Maker.
"Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."
S.KNIGHT: ARGH! It's the title again!
TUXEDO: The fanfic's skipping!
FALCON: Not again!
* * * * *
Next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension:
TUXEDO: Oh. (whew) That's a relief.
Usagi: Okay, don't tell me there's going to be more.
S.KNIGHT: Finally, Usagi's coming to her senses!
Setsuna: I cannot tell you about the future.
Rei: But I can. I'll just use the nifty psychic thingy I have!
FALCON (Rei): I picked it up at the Dollar Store! It's neat!
Michiru: The sea is calm. It seems someone may try BSSMK episode 9.
Uranus: Just because you're sort of the star of that episode, you had to mention it.
Michiru: Of course I did.
MAGIC VOICE: SELF PLUG ALERT! SELF PLUG ALERT!
TUXEDO: Okay, who installed that alarm?
S.KNIGHT: It was for you to keep quiet about "Return of the Jedite"!
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(Both alarms ring at full blast.)
FALCON: MY EARS!
TUXEDO: SILVER!
S.KNIGHT: Sorry! Sorry! I apologize!
(Both alarms cut off.)
TUXEDO: Finally.
FALCON: What?
S.KNIGHT: He said "Finally."
FALCON: What?
There we go, 2 parts in less than a week. Frightening.
TUXEDO: No argument here.
FALCON: What?
I think I'll go post this to afs-m, then e-mail it to A&L of ASMR. Sound like a plan? Oh yeah, Jackie, here's another part!!!!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: GYAAAHHH! Not another part!
FALCON: What?
TUXEDO: Shut up, Adam.
FALCON: WHAT?
Comments, praise, irritated comments, etc, can be directed to jarcher@direct.ca. You can find the previous 5 parts at http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fica_b.htm under Jay Dee Archer.
S.KNIGHT: Finally, it's over!
FALCON: What?
TUXEDO: (Yelling) WE CAN GO NOW!
FALCON: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?
(Falcon Knight gets whacked in the head again, and the three heroes leave.)
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE
(The three heroes sit around each with a Chibi-Chibi parrot doll sitting on their shoulders.)
S.KNIGHT: Tuxy, are you sure these are cool? (Chibi-cool!)
TUXEDO: Trust me, these are my latest creations! Just like that Parrot girl in the fanfic! (Chibi-fanfic!)
FALCON: But isn't she annoying enough? (Chibi-enough!)
TUXEDO: Well, I guess it would be cool for all the Sailor Moon fans... (Chibi-fans!)
S.KNIGHT: Okay Alex. I think we've been cooped up on this Satellite too long... (Chibi-long!)
FALCON: I gotta agree with her, buddy. (Chibi-buddy!)
TUXEDO: Yeah, I guess you're right. (Chibi-right!)
(All three take their parrot-dolls and throw them on the floor.)
FALCON: It's been such a long time since we were off this thing...
S.KNIGHT: And the worst thing is, there's nothing we can do.
TUXEDO: There's gotta be something! I mean, someone's gotta know we're here! If I have to spend one more second up here, I'm gonna...
(All of the sudden, the three heroes disappear into thin air. After a few moments, Dr. F. tries to contact them through radio communication, the only thing working thanks to the Bots.)
DR. F.: Hello! Hello! Answer me, scum of the universe! This isn't funny!
PARROT DOLL: Chibi-funny!
(TO BE CONTINUED...)
@@@@@
Author's Notes
Another day, another part of Evil Guy From Another Dimension to riff, eh? I got a lot of guff from good ol' AP Scout, which is why I'm not riffing his fanfic anymore. I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. Well, on to hopefully greener pastures with the next part of Evil Guy on the way. Until next time!
Quick Note...
When I posted Episodes 10 and 11 to Fanfiction.net, they seem to have gone unnoticed. I do wish that you go back and check them out, as one is a alightly tearful season finale, and the other is another gut-wretching Evil Guy episode. Go on! Enjoy them! Go on...go...enjoy...............you know, you can leave anytime...wait...NO! DON'T LEAVE THE COMPUTER! DON'T TURN IT OFF...ugh, I should really be more careful with my words...
More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: "Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 14: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Part 6)
(BY JUPITER KNIGHT)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. This MST is done completely for fun, and not to totally make fun of the author. Unlike some people, please take this little C&C light-heartedly!
@@@@@
SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Sailor Silver Knight is standing up, pointing to some words on a screen. Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight are both seated, in the middle of a word association game.)
S.KNIGHT: Okay, remember, say the first thing that comes to your mind, 'kay?
TUXEDO: Got'cha.
FALCON: No problem.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, here we go. (Points to the first word.) Satellite.
FALCON: Of Love.
TUXEDO: Trapped.
S.KNIGHT: All right. Robots.
TUXEDO: Tom.
FALCON: Crow.
S.KNIGHT: Doctor
TUXEDO: Foresster.
FALCON: Foresster.
S.KNIGHT: Oscar.
TUXEDO: Headache.
FALCON: Beastiality.
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight.
FALCON: Headache.
TUXEDO: (Shaking violently.) DAMN PIECE OF (BLEEP)! CAPTURING ME AND PUTING ME INTO THAT FANFIC! ARGH!
(Rises from his seat and rips apart the screen. Falcon and S.Knight run for cover.)
FALCON: Cripes! And he's the most together of all of us!
S.KNIGHT: I think that title belongs to me, thank you! (Notices Cambot.) Oh, hi all! Welcome back to the SOL. Umm...we'll have to get back to you for obvious reasons. Just hold on...
(Tuxedo Alex is seen chewing on the tattered remains of the screen as the feed cuts off.)
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE
(Tuxedo Alex has calmed down a bit, sitting in the corner. Sailor Silver Knight, the one who sentenced him there, has a look of relief on her face. Falcon Knight is just staring in disbelief.)
FALCON: Damn, you had to be that hard on him?
S.KNIGHT: I train my men well...wait a minute, who am I talking to?
FALCON: Aw, be quiet!
(The message light starts to flash.)
S.KNIGHT: Oh well. Lina Inverse and Gowry are calling.
(On the hexfield, Dr. F. is seen with tons of papers around him. In the background, we see explosion after explosion, with laughter from the Bots, and Frank being thrown all across the laboratory.)
DR. F.: Greetings, Ash, Misty, and Brock! I trust you enjoyed the lemon I sent you last time?
S.KNIGHT: About as much as a boot to the head, Doc.
FALCON: Man, that story just bites!
DR. F.: Well, I hope you did, because I can't show you anymore.
FALCON: What? You had a change of heart?
DR. F.: No, I literally CAN'T show you anymore! It turns out that the Mad Scientists Association condemned that fanfic ages ago. It was too cruel even for their tastes. So now that I showed it to you, they sued me for every penny I owned! That's what all this paperwork is for!
S.KNIGHT: Yes! Hey Alex! Foresster says "No More RCOF!"
TUXEDO: ...(Just ignores it, a sullen look on his face.)
FALCON: I see that our pals haven't caused you too much trouble, huh?
DR. F.: Frank's on the job as we speak. (Another explosion sends Frank careening into one of the many super computers. Foresster sighs). Anyway, "Evil Guy From Another Dimension" hasn't been outlawed yet, so you're getting Part 6 today!
TOM: Incoming!
DR. F.: What? YAGH!
(Dr. F. ducks as TV's Frank heads straight towards the camera of Deep 13 1/3. Frank collides, and the hexfield goes black.)
FALCON: Uh oh...
S.KNIGHT: How's Alex going to take this...
TUXEDO: (Slowly rising) I heard.
FALCON: You okay buddy?
TUXEDO: Jupiter Knight may have caused me a lot of pain but...(curls his hands into fists)...but I won't let him win! Lets go in there, and riff the hell out of this fanfic!
FALCON: All right!
(The klaxons go off)
TUXEDO: Okay, every body! WE GOT JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
(2)
(1)
@@@@@
THEATER
(All walk in and take their seats.)
TUXEDO: Well, back to the hurting.
S.KNIGHT: At least thanks to the American Legal System, RCOF isn't gonna be inflicted on us!
FALCON: Be thankful for lawyers, people.
Whee. I'm on a roll.
S.KNIGHT: It's fresh out of the oven and has butter on it!
I lied last time. I said BSSMK episode 9 would be done next, but it isn't. It's underway, though. I was just in the perfect mood to write this.
TUXEDO (Jupiter Knight): My crack dealer just got his new shipment in!
Anyway, here we go with the wackiness.
FALCON: Translated, he's going to whack off.
TUXEDO: ADAM!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
Part 6 - Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi.
S.KNIGHT: Oh, Lord...
FALCON: The useless cast of characters continue to grow...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last time on EGFAD:
TUXEDO: We find out that Saddam Hussein doesn't have the "nukes" to stand up to the Senshi.
Saddam became frightened and ran away from the speeches of the Senshi and friends.
FALCON: Normally, they make people fall asleep. This IS a parallel universe!
S.KNIGHT: Hush up, Bird Boy.
The leather Senshi have arrived, making things even more frightening.
TUXEDO: Girls in leather! Run!
FALCON: Scantily clad women!....Uh...run...
TUXEDO: Yeah...run...
(Both men start to drool. Sailor Silver Knight gets slightly ticked off.)
S.KNIGHT: Guys...
(Both men still stare at the screen, uninterrupted.)
S.KNIGHT: GUYS!
(Their attention is still upon the screen.)
S.KNIGHT: Okay, that does it! SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(A huge wave of stars send the two guys into the walls of the theater, creating Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight sized dents in the walls.)
FALCON: Owie...
S.KNIGHT: I think the Bots have rubbed off on you a little too much.
TUXEDO: I think you're right...ow...
(The two return to their seats, limping.)
What's next? Maybe random villains from the past? Maybe more witty dialogue between Haruka and Michiru?
TUXEDO (Haruka): So, what do you want to do today?
S.KNIGHT (Michiru): I dunno, what do you want to do?
TUXEDO (Haruka): Now don't start that again!
Maybe more non-existent plot?
FALCON: You mean what the last five parts were? Nah, couldn't be.
Who knows?
And on with the show.
S.KNIGHT: We interrupt you from your annoying commercials to bring you something MORE annoying!
The Evil Guy sat on the throne, reading the newspaper.
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Damn constipation...
S.KNIGHT: Not you, too...
He was waiting for his next chump, er, henchman.
S.KNIGHT: Er, chump.
He heard a knock on the door. It was him.
"Just a moment," said Evil Guy.
FALCON (Evil guy): My microwave popcorn's almost done!
"No hurry," said the man outside.
Evil Guy stood up and flushed the toilet, then pulled his pants up.
ALL: (groan)
FALCON: We really needed image.
He made sure he washed his hands, because he was going to eat a sandwich later.
ALL: (more groaning)
TUXEDO: Nothing like detailing the BAD stuff, right JK?
S.KNIGHT: Then this story is the most descriptive piece of crap ever written.
He then opened the door. The man outside fainted, or possibly died from the smell. No, he just fainted.
TUXEDO: Just to make sure, Evil Guy lit a match, and blew himself up. The End.
FALCON: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
* * * * *
"Okay, you are to kill the Senshi, or at the very least, make a complete fool of yourself," said Evil Guy.
S.KNIGHT: Does that even have to be riffed?
"I'll make them sweat with the oldies," said the man.
FALCON: Aw, geez...
TUXEDO: First there's Hortense, then Saddam Hussein, now RICHARD SIMMONS?
"I, the 4th cousin, 3 times removed of Richard Simmons, Simon Simmons, will make sure they die of dehydration after they sweat a lot!!!!"
S.KNIGHT: Well, at least it isn't Richard!
TUXEDO: There's no difference. We're doomed.
"Very good, very good. Go do it!"
* * * * *
Usagi walked up to Mamoru and said, "Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my naked body?"
FALCON: Heh heh heh...maybe this fanfic isn't so bad...
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARR...
FALCON: All right! All right! Sorry!
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
"Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my nakedbody?" asked Rei.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
S.KNIGHT: Gee, notice a trend?
FALCON: Yeah. It is pleasing.
TUXEDO: You're pushing it...
"Mamo-chan, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my nakedbody?" asked Ami.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"he answered.
To avoid redundancy, Makoto and Minako did the same.
FALCON: And I avoided redundancy by saying "Suck it!" about 75 times.
TUXEDO: And I avoided redundancy by saying "No I'm not that kind of person" about 75 times.
FALCON: Bite me!...wait...
"Haruka, is my body pleasing? Do you want to see my naked body?"asked Michiru.
"Yes, I would like to see your naked body. Yes, it is pleasing,"she answered.
"Copycats!" exclaimed Usagi.
S.KNIGHT (Usagi): You stole my horny comments! I'm telling Mom!
* * * * *
Under the umbrella, a small girl with red hair and heart shaped odango said, "Chibi."
TUXEDO: Oh, damn.
S.KNIGHT: Cuteness factor at 12:00!
FALCON: RUN!
* * * * *
"Oh damn," said the reader.
TUXEDO: ...Okay, JK, that was a cheap shot!
S.KNIGHT: Wow, this fanfic really does probe our minds...
* * * * *
"It's been three days since Chibiusa returned to the future.
FALCON (Usagi): Party at my house!
Ihope she made back okay," said Usagi.
"Oh, she should be fine," said Setsuna while smoking weed.
TUXEDO: Okay, she does smoke weed, but does she do smack?
FALCON: Does she do speed? Does she do crack?
S.KNIGHT: Does she chew 'shrooms? Does she drink beer?
FALCON: We gotta make a few things clear!
TUXEDO: Damn, Eminem is a good rapper!
* * * * *
Meanwhile, on a desolate and cold Earth, sometime just after the turn of the century, that is a bit after 2000, Chibiusa and Diana stood on some street in Tokyo looking around for the Crystal Palace.
FALCON (Nelson): Ha, ha!
"Diana, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," said Chibiusa.
S.KNIGHT (singing): Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, there is the SOL and fanfics to make you cry...
"Kansas? Where's that?" asked Diana.
TUXEDO (Olly): Off the coast of Kentucy, I believe.
S.KNIGHT (Sifl): Don't you know what our biggest state is?
TUXEDO (Olly): Canada, what else?
FALCON: I think you two do MTV to death.
"How the hell should I know? I'm not the one typing!" exclaimed Chibiusa.
TUXEDO: Trust me, Chibiusa, you could do a better job.
"I think Puu messed up."
TUXEDO: Mr. Hankey has a Japanese name?
FALCON: Messed up in putting Chibiusa here, or messing up her mind with drugs?
S.KNIGHT: No and Yes.
"No duh, Small Lady," said Diana.
TUXEDO (Chibiusa): Oh, talk to the hand, cause the face don't understand!
* * * * *
"I, Simon Simmons, aka Simon^2, will get you Senshi!"
FALCON (Dr. Claw): ...next time! Next time!
exclaimed Simon. With his pear shaped body, he plodded down the road towards the Shaprin fitness center. "First, I need to get in shape!"
S.KNIGHT: Oh, so it's the fat, ugly, balding cousin of Richard Simmons.
TUXEDO: Take away "fat", and you HAVE Richard Simmons.
He came up to the door and read a poster, "Special guest this week, Richard Simmons."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" exclaimed Simon^2.
FALCON: But it turned out to be the Robotic Richard Simmons by mistake, and he exploded, taking out Simon^2. The End.
S.KNIGHT: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
* * * * *
At the shrine, all nine of the Senshi were sitting around doing things and stuff,
TUXEDO: You know, creating new molecular compounds, solving the world hunger crisis, signing world peace treaties. Just stuff.
when the small girl walked in the door.
"Chibi," she said.
FALCON: Kawaii Alert!
S.KNIGHT: Hide the women and children!
TUXEDO: Great, that leaves me to fend for myself!
FALCON: Wait...are you saying that I'm a child?
TUXEDO: No, I'm calling you a woman. What did you think?
(Silver Knight cracks up while Falcon sinks into his seat.)
"OH NO! It's horrible!" exclaimed Usagi. "I want my mommy!"
S.KNIGHT (Usagi): It's so horrible! I need to know how to get MY hair like that, but I can't!
"Calm down, Usagi-chan," said Ami. "It's only another young girl that looks like you."
"Like you," said the girl.
TUXEDO (Chibi-Chibi): Like you, I've been thrown into this plotless story by this brain-dead author.
"Oh. Hey little girl that looks like me, what's your name?" asked Usagi.
"Chibi. Chibi Chibi."
"Oooookay, where are you from?"
FALCON: iM fRoM a PlAcE wHeRe ThE hOrRiFyInG hElL bEaStS rOaM. I aM cAlLeD tOrGo!
OTHERS: GAH! Adam!
"You from?"
Usagi sweatdropped. "This is scary. It's like deja vu."
S.KNIGHT: This fanfic is scary. Everything we say somehow appears in the text.
TUXEDO: Kinda like a parrot, huh?
"Deja vu."
Setsuna, still a bit stoned, said, "She's like, you know, parrot girl."
"Parrot girl. Chibi."
TUXEDO: ...OKAY, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS MIND PROBING FANFIC!
FALCON: Woah, settle down.
TUXEDO: Sorry...damn Jupiter Knight...
* * * * *
S.KNIGHT: Pinball Bumpers!
TUXEDO: We're running out of original comments for the dividing lines, aren't we?
S.KNIGHT: Yep...
"That's it! This time we will kill you, Simon^2!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
ALL: WOAH! (Rocking in their seats.)
FALCON: Talk about being violently thrown into the next scene!
"What the hell? Nice scene change," said Simon^2.
"Scene change."
TUXEDO: And now, to quote from Megane 6.7...
ALL: SCEEEEEEEENE CHAAAAAAAAAANGE! SCEEEEEEEEEEENE CHAAAAAAAAAAANGE!
TUXEDO: Thank you.
"Dammit! Is she still here?!" exclaimed Sailor Moon. "I have gone through an immediate scene change and an unscheduled mood swing! I am really pissed off!
S.KNIGHT (Sailor Moon): I have been using my dialogue in the descriptive sense a while now!
Now, where is Mamo-chan?"
FALCON: Boffing with Raye and Rini. You're point?
TUXEDO: AUGH! RINI'S CHANGE OF FORTUNE FLASHBACK!!!
S.KNIGHT: He read ahead in that one, didn't he?
FALCON: Poor guy.
*SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*
TUXEDO: The bras of all the Sailor Senshi fell off simultaneously, exposing their bare chests.
FALCON: YES! OH, YES!
S.KNIGHT: Alex, stop catering to the hentai!
TUXEDO: Sorry.
The Senshi and Simon^2 look around.
S.KNIGHT (Random Senshi): (whistling) Well, this is rather boring, just looking around, don't you think?
TUXEDO (Simon^2): I agree.
"If you are affiliated with Sailor Galaxia, say your prayers," said one of the leather Senshi.
FALCON (Simon^2): Nope, sure ain't. Sorry.
S.KNIGHT (Leather Senshi): Oh...okay. Guess we can take off, eh guys?
"Who are you? And this is not in the anime timeline, or even the manga timeline," said Sailor Pluto.
TUXEDO (Pluto): Actually it is, but the author filled me up with drugs, so who knows what's going on?
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"Stage on!"
TUXEDO: Then when Simon^2 blasted the hell out of them, they said:
ALL: STAGE OUT!
"Didn't you say that last time?" asked Sailor Moon.
Simon^2 interrupted them and asked, "I need a proper introduction from you guys. I have no idea which one is which."
FALCON: Aw, hell, they're gonna go through the complicated introduction phase again?
Sailor Moon sighed and said, "Here we go again. I am Sailor Moon! Yadda yadda yadda, tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!"
S.KNIGHT: Looks that way.
FALCON: Dammit!
"I am Sailor Mercury! I'm smart, I wear blue! Don't you dare send me a love letter, or I will exterminate you!"
"I am Sailor Mars! My grandfather is a pervert! I go to a Catholic school and I'm Shinto!
TUXEDO (Rei): My turn-ons are talks by a cozy fire place and making Yuuichiro's life a living hell!
That's some information you didn't need!"
"I am Sailor Jupiter! My talent in skating and my talent in cooking will astonish you! But my overall talent is something that will outclass you by a mile!"
FALCON: And that would be...
S.KNIGHT: Adam...
FALCON: Um...martial arts!
TUXEDO: Good save.
"I am Sailor Venus! 2 + 2 = 5! On behalf of punishment, I will moon you!"
"That's wrong, Venus-chan," said Sailor Jupiter.
"It is?" asked Sailor Venus. She turned around, aimed her ass at Simon^2, and bent over.
ALL: (Sounds of pain and agony.)
S.KNIGHT: Of all the ways a phrase like that could've been turned around...
"I am Sailor Pluto! I am really stoned and I think I'm going to throw up!
TUXEDO: (Holds up an umbrella) Not on us you're not!
FALCON: I don't think on us, Alex.
TUXEDO: But this is "Evil Guy"! I'm just getting prepared.
Small Lady is in the 21st century!"
"WHAT?!?!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
ALL: SHE SAID: "SMALL LADY IS IN THE 21ST CENTURY!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! The sea tells me that you don't drink enough water! It's required for healthy living!"
"I am Sailor Uranus!
FALCON (Uranus): If you show me Uranus, I'll show you mine!
OTHERS: ADAM!
You can't have Neptune! She's my lover!"
"I am Sailor Saturn! I may be chronologically challenged, but that doesn't mean I can't be a messiah!"
TUXEDO: I thought people like her were to be called "Agely Impared."
"Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."
S.KNIGHT: Loosely translated, "Small small. Small? Small! Small small, small."
FALCON: It's Michelle and her working knowledge of Japanese!
"I am Luna! This is my only line in this fanfic, so it better be good!"
TUXEDO: Wow, that line sucked, don't you think?
S.KNIGHT: Yeah. What a bad line.
"I am Artemis! That was a bad line, Luna!"
S.KNIGHT: ......
FALCON: Do we duck now?
TUXEDO: Yep.
S.KNIGHT: This is for probing my mind! SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(Both men duck under their seats as Sailor Silver Knight blasts the screen with energy stars. Unfortunately, the stars reflect off of the screen and start to bounce around the theater.)
TUXEDO: Take cover!
FALCON: What are you, nuts?
S.KNIGHT: It's not my fault the screen's protected!
(The stars dissipate, and everyone returns to their seats.)
S.KNIGHT: Sorry, guys. Really!
TUXEDO: Apologies later. Finishing the fanfic now.
"I am Motoki! Keep it down out there! No one can hear the video games!"
"Gomen nasai, Motoki-oniisan!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
FALCON (Sailor Moon): We'll stop the fanfic for you Motoki!
TUXEDO: I wish THAT would be picked up from our minds.
"I am Sailor Juno! Don't ask me why I'm here, but I'm in the mood for some action!"
FALCON: Then why don't you come to my place and...
TUXEDO: (Punches Falcon in the head.) ADAM!
"I am Sailor Vesta! This fuku is so much better than what I woren with the Dead Moon Circus!"
S.KNIGHT: Woren?
TUXEDO: Remember, he's from Canada.
FALCON: Good point.
"I am Sailor Ceres! Yeah, but those were more revealing!"
"I am Sailor Pallas! If you have a toothache, I'll rip your head off!"
"Good grief, two parts in a row. Run while you can, Simon^2," said Saddam Hussein from the sidewalk.
TUXEDO: Hussein's a common bum now?
S.KNIGHT: See what failing Evil Guy gets you? You lose your dignity AND your position of power.
"And Sailor Senshi, I won't bother you anymore. President Clinton's problems are perfect for my plan to take over the United States."
FALCON: So Saddam is gonna claim that he had an affair with Clinton?
S.KNIGHT: Adam...
Simon^2 didn't listen to his predecessor. "Sailor Senshi, die by Sweatin' With the Oldies! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* *cough*"
TUXEDO: Sorry, we fixed the heater a couple of weeks ago. We're pretty comfortable right now, actually.
The Senshi went into a huddle,
FALCON: Set, 22! Red 23! Hut, hut, HIKE!
Sailor Moon saying, "Should we take him now or let him think he's winning for a while?"
"Let's have fun with him," said Sailor Uranus.
S.KNIGHT (Uranus): I got the whip!
TUXEDO (Neptune): Handcuffs are my department!
FALCON (Pluto): I'll get the candles. Be right back!
"Sounds fine by me," said Sailor Mercury, who then blushed.
"By me," said Chibi Chibi.
TUXEDO: Sorry you had to be put in this compromising position, Amy.
"Star Serious Laser!" exclaimed Sailor Star Fighter.
"You've got to be kidding," said Simon^2.
"I said serious!"
FALCON (Star Fighter): Yep. Nuthin' funny 'bout that!
"Star Sensitive Inferno!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
"A sensitive inferno?" asked Simon^2. "That's almost an oxymoron."
TUXEDO: Oxymoron. Definition: A zit-covered fanfic author.
S.KNIGHT: Clever.
"Star Gentle Uterus!" exclaimed Sailor Star Maker.
Simon^2 fell down laughing at that one. At that moment, all three attacks hit him and he was fried, sunny side up.
S.KNIGHT: Rats. I like my villains scrambled.
"Hmm. Were you even listening to us?" asked Sailor Moon.
"No, we were on top of this building. Going into a huddle with you would be a bit difficult from here," said Sailor Star Fighter.
FALCON: But then, they decided "what the hell", fell off the building to join the huddle, crashing into the Scouts and flattening them. The end.
S.KNIGHT: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
"That's no excuse, you invaders from outside the solar system!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.
Hey, no name calling!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
TUXEDO: Doo-doo head!
S.KNIGHT: Poopy Pants!
FALCON: Butt licker!
TUXEDO: GAH! RCOF FLASHBACK!
FALCON: Sorry. Heh.
"Name calling!" exclaimed Chibi Chibi. "Chibi."
"However, she's cute," said Sailor Star Maker.
"Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."
S.KNIGHT: ARGH! It's the title again!
TUXEDO: The fanfic's skipping!
FALCON: Not again!
* * * * *
Next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension:
TUXEDO: Oh. (whew) That's a relief.
Usagi: Okay, don't tell me there's going to be more.
S.KNIGHT: Finally, Usagi's coming to her senses!
Setsuna: I cannot tell you about the future.
Rei: But I can. I'll just use the nifty psychic thingy I have!
FALCON (Rei): I picked it up at the Dollar Store! It's neat!
Michiru: The sea is calm. It seems someone may try BSSMK episode 9.
Uranus: Just because you're sort of the star of that episode, you had to mention it.
Michiru: Of course I did.
MAGIC VOICE: SELF PLUG ALERT! SELF PLUG ALERT!
TUXEDO: Okay, who installed that alarm?
S.KNIGHT: It was for you to keep quiet about "Return of the Jedite"!
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(Both alarms ring at full blast.)
FALCON: MY EARS!
TUXEDO: SILVER!
S.KNIGHT: Sorry! Sorry! I apologize!
(Both alarms cut off.)
TUXEDO: Finally.
FALCON: What?
S.KNIGHT: He said "Finally."
FALCON: What?
There we go, 2 parts in less than a week. Frightening.
TUXEDO: No argument here.
FALCON: What?
I think I'll go post this to afs-m, then e-mail it to A&L of ASMR. Sound like a plan? Oh yeah, Jackie, here's another part!!!!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: GYAAAHHH! Not another part!
FALCON: What?
TUXEDO: Shut up, Adam.
FALCON: WHAT?
Comments, praise, irritated comments, etc, can be directed to jarcher@direct.ca. You can find the previous 5 parts at http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fica_b.htm under Jay Dee Archer.
S.KNIGHT: Finally, it's over!
FALCON: What?
TUXEDO: (Yelling) WE CAN GO NOW!
FALCON: Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?
(Falcon Knight gets whacked in the head again, and the three heroes leave.)
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BACK ON THE SATELLITE
(The three heroes sit around each with a Chibi-Chibi parrot doll sitting on their shoulders.)
S.KNIGHT: Tuxy, are you sure these are cool? (Chibi-cool!)
TUXEDO: Trust me, these are my latest creations! Just like that Parrot girl in the fanfic! (Chibi-fanfic!)
FALCON: But isn't she annoying enough? (Chibi-enough!)
TUXEDO: Well, I guess it would be cool for all the Sailor Moon fans... (Chibi-fans!)
S.KNIGHT: Okay Alex. I think we've been cooped up on this Satellite too long... (Chibi-long!)
FALCON: I gotta agree with her, buddy. (Chibi-buddy!)
TUXEDO: Yeah, I guess you're right. (Chibi-right!)
(All three take their parrot-dolls and throw them on the floor.)
FALCON: It's been such a long time since we were off this thing...
S.KNIGHT: And the worst thing is, there's nothing we can do.
TUXEDO: There's gotta be something! I mean, someone's gotta know we're here! If I have to spend one more second up here, I'm gonna...
(All of the sudden, the three heroes disappear into thin air. After a few moments, Dr. F. tries to contact them through radio communication, the only thing working thanks to the Bots.)
DR. F.: Hello! Hello! Answer me, scum of the universe! This isn't funny!
PARROT DOLL: Chibi-funny!
(TO BE CONTINUED...)
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Author's Notes
Another day, another part of Evil Guy From Another Dimension to riff, eh? I got a lot of guff from good ol' AP Scout, which is why I'm not riffing his fanfic anymore. I guess some people don't have a sense of humor. Well, on to hopefully greener pastures with the next part of Evil Guy on the way. Until next time!
Quick Note...
When I posted Episodes 10 and 11 to Fanfiction.net, they seem to have gone unnoticed. I do wish that you go back and check them out, as one is a alightly tearful season finale, and the other is another gut-wretching Evil Guy episode. Go on! Enjoy them! Go on...go...enjoy...............you know, you can leave anytime...wait...NO! DON'T LEAVE THE COMPUTER! DON'T TURN IT OFF...ugh, I should really be more careful with my words...
More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: "Chibi Chibi. Chibi? Chibi! Chibi Chibi, Chibi."