Mystery Science Theater 3333 1/3: Season 2 Edited

by Tuxedo Alex

The PG-13 Version of 'Season 2' with the Lemons cut out. But the CLEAN BAD FICS KEEP ON COMING! New stuff includes MORE 'EGFAD', 'Just Keep Telling Yourself This Never Happened', 'Sailor Moon Meets Her Books Authors', and 'Sister Catsy'.

5. Episode 15: 'Evil Guy From Another Dimen...

Finally, The ROCK (tm) has come BACK TO...

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 15: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Part 7-9)
(BY JUPITER KNIGHT)

But before we go on, here are some:

Disclaimers:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.

Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.

"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. The riffing is not to insult the author, or the fanfic itself. It is to be taken light-heartedly. By the way, I hope you enjoy this edition! I riffed it with you in mind!

@@@@@

DEEP 13 1/3

(Dr. Clayton Forrester is seen finally getting some visual equipment hooked up to his end of the hexfield. It had been several hours since TV's Frank collided with Deep 13 1/3's communication console, putting temporarily out of commission. After connecting the last few wires underneath the console, he flips a few switches and powers it on.)

DR. F.: Power levels normal...frame rate okay...good, everything is up and running. With visual contact back, I can finally see what those boobies are up to! They'll pay for not answering my calls!

(Forrester flips some more switches and presses the button to start the transmission. In the viewscreen, he sees the bridge of the SOL. It is empty, lifeless, except for a few small Chibi-Chibi toys on the floor. Forrester is very irate.)

DR. F.: Calling my subjects! Calling my subjects...ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!
CHIBI: Chibi-Dammit!
DR. F.: (Muttering) Stupid boobies...
CHIBI: Chibi-bobies!

(Forrester angrily cuts off the feed and and takes a few steps away from the communications area.)

DR. F.: This is the SECOND TIME they did this to me! Where the hell can they be?

(After a few more explosions in the background, a charred TV's Frank limps in, carrying TOM Servo in his left hand, and Crow in his right.)

FRANK: Look, Steve! Look! * cough * * cough * I caught 'em! * wheeze * I caught 'em!
DR. F.: (Looks on in amazement.) Wow...Frank...you've overcome your ineptitude and done something right!
FRANK: It's a * hack * a dream come true!
TOM: I told you not to use the "Freeze Myself" gun, Crow! You got us caught!
CROW: Oh yeah, like that stopped you from using it!
TOM: How could I? My arms don't work, remember?
CROW: So what? You pulled the trigger with your mouth!
TOM: Did not!
CROW: Did too!
DR. F.: Shut up! You two "yolks" are going back to your eggshell prison immediately!
TOM: We don't wanna!
CROW: We don't even like eggs!
FRANK: Make my eggs fried!
DR F.: (Slapping his forehead.) Frank, I think catching these metallic shells fried your brain sunny-side up.
CROW: Yep. Totally scrambled it.
DR. F.: Quit runny your mouth, yolks! (He raises his hand to slap Crow.)
TOM: Don't hit us, you poachers!
CROW: Take the non-violent route, like the simple Omelet people!
FRANK: That's Amish.
CROW: Whatever.
DR. F.: Shut up! You will stop this nonsense NOW!
FRANK: (Starting to sweat): Better do what he says...
TOM: Hey, Frank's is turning egg white!
CROW: What's the matter, Frank? Chicken?
DR. F.: (Starts to turn red.) Why you...you...
CROW: Oh, come on! That was worth at least a cluckle!
DR. F.: You REALLY like to ham it up, don't you?
TOM: Geez, with a Benedict the size of a chickpea, you really don't like to yolk much, do you?
DR. F: AAAAAUUUUUGH! I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO THE DEVILED EGGS!...(BLEEP)! NOW YOU GOT ME DOING IT!

(Forrester goes over to a group of armaments and grabs a flame thrower. Charging it up, he points it to Frank and the Bots in a fitful rage, not caring if he burns his assistant for the 47,836th consecutive time. However, before he pulls the trigger, Tom and Crow vanish from Frank's hands without a trace. This stops Forrester short of firing.)

DR. F.: What the hell?
FRANK: Oh my Lord! I disintegrated the robots!
DR. F.: No you didn't! They disappeared!
FRANK: Exactly! I made them go poof!
DR. F.: (Clocks Frank upside the head.) Damn, firs the heroes, now the aluminum foil. There has to be a connection here somewhere...
FRANK: Those guys could be anywhere by now...
DR. F.: Hell, they're probably saving the world right now...damn them...
FRANK: Putting right where there is wrong...
DR. F.: Triumphing over evil...
FRANK: Telling the government of our top secret experiments...
DR. F.: Yeah...(Double takes, and breaks into a cold sweat.) Frank?
FRANK: Yeah?
DR. F.: Ready to burn some evidence?

@@@@@

UNKNOWN LOCATION

"Huh? What happened to us?"

"What is this place?"

"And why are we talking like this now?"

"Don't break the fourth wall, Adam."

"Oops! Sorry."

"It's okay. But still, this is really confusing."

"First we're on the SOL, and now...we're here?!?"

The trio of heroes took a moment to gaze at their surroundings. The place they had appeared in was vastly different than the cramped confines of the Satellite of Love. They were in a field of lush, green grass, which seemed to extend forever in the distance. There were trees scattered throughout the field, with each one having leaves of a different color. The trees towered over all that drew breath, proving that they had been growing for thousands of years. Clear blue was the color of the sky, with nary a cloud to be seen. The sun was shining brightly, touching everyone and everything with its warmth. In the distance, mountains that extended even higher than the noble trees were seen. To the far left of them was a giant waterfall, which emptied out into a nearby stream. It was the most beautiful place the three had ever seen, however, a bit peculiar.

Falcon Knight had an odd look on his face. "Did we just step into the Twilight Zone or something?" he said.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," Tuxedo Alex remarked. He began to pace back and forth, wondering who, or what, brought him and his friends to this place. "This isn't right. First we're on a hellish space station, and now we're on a heavenly field?"

Sailor Silver Knight joined him in his pacing. "It does seem odd," she said. "But you have to admit, this place is beautiful."

Tuxedo Alex took her hand. "I'm not saying that it isn't. It just seems like a secret trap Forrester set up, or something."

Falcon Knight placed his hand on top of Alex' and Silver's. "I now pronounce you man and wife!" he proclaimed.

Within a few seconds, Tuxedo Alex had five roses aimed at Falcon's head, while Silver Knight had an arrow ready to fire from her bow. "What was that?" they both said simultaneously.

Falcon laughed his head off. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist," he said between laughs. "Since we are off the Satellite, after all, I decided to have a little fun. Can't you take a joke?"

"Not if it's directed towards us!" Tuxedo said sternly.

Falcon backed off. "Okay, sorry! Seriously though, I'm not getting a full sense of comfort here myself."

"Me either," agreed Silver Knight. "It may be beautiful on the outside, but it might be an illusion, or a trap, or something of the like."

Suddenly, they heard a noise coming from behind them. Turning around, they saw that a somewhat large energy disk had appeared. It hovered parallel to the ground a few feet upwards, spiraling with colors of purple and blue.

"What the..." stuttered Tuxedo Alex.

"It's a spacial rift," Sailor Silver Knight exclaimed. "I've seen them before."

"Can we stop it?" asked Falcon Knight.

"Stay as far back as you can from these things!" Silver shouted. "These rifts are very unstable. They could do a number of things."

"Like what?" asked Tuxedo Alex.

"Some could suck in matter like a black hole," she explained "others can send out lightning from their centers, which fry everything in the area it appears. On rare occasions, they're used to teleport people, although I've never seen it done. The best we can do is wait it out."

The colors of the rift soon began to spiral faster and faster. Voices could be heard; growing louder as the disk spiraled. "What the hell is going on!" shouted the first voice.

"I don't know, but this sure is fun!" exclaimed the other.

"Hey, you're right! WHEEEEEEEE!"

"YAHOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!"

Suddenly, two familiar figures dropped out of the disk and onto the ground. The spacial rift disappeared right afterwards.

The heroes recognized them immediately. "Tom?" said a shocked Tuxedo Alex.

"Crow?" remarked the likewise Falcon Knight.

"Guys?" the Bots exclaimed.

Sailor Silver Knight was impressed, for it was the first time she saw a spacial rift teleport someone to a new location. "What in the world are you two doing here?"

Tom shook his domed head. "I have no idea," he replied. "The last thing I remember is talking about eggs with Forrester and Frank."

"Yeah, me too," Crow added. "Then we slid down this tunnel thing, and we ended up here!"

"Wherever 'here' is," said Tom.

It was then Tom and Crow took a good look at their surroundings. Their speech chips could not come up with anything to describe the beauty they saw. In essence, they were speechless.

"This is...definitely not the Satellite!" Crow exclaimed after a period.

"I've never seen anything like it," Tom said in awe, almost a whisper.

"Does...does this mean we're free?" Crow asked.

"I'm not too sure, guys," said Tuxedo Alex, putting a slight damper on the mood. "We still have to figure out if this is a trap or not."

"Touché," said Tom. "But hey, if it isn't, no more bad fanfics!"

Crow stood up from the ground. "No more bad movies!"

The robots began to do a do-si-do of happiness. The heroes tried hard to hide their laughing inside them. It was very interesting to see Tom square dancing without any legs. All the while, the robots were chanting "No more Frank and Forrester! No more Frank and Forrester!"

After a few minutes, the robots cut out the impromptu hoedown, and walked over to the heroes. "Hey, we really missed you guys," said Tom.

"Yeah, I have to admit, it just wasn't the same without you around," said Sailor Silver Knight.

"Oh, and by the way," Crow added, "there is a little matter about the air-lock..."

Silver took her attacking stance. "SILVER STAR..." she screamed.

Crow backed up immediately. "Whoa, hey! I was only kidding!"

Silver soon dropped out of her stance after that. "Just keeping you on your toes, buddy!"

@@@@@

A FEW FEET AWAY...

During Sailor Silver Knight's conversation with the Bots, Tuxedo Alex took a few steps away from the group to clear his head. The last couple of months had been very taxing on him, physically and spiritually. First off, he had been kidnapped by Jupiter Knight and forced to be part of his unholy fan fiction. Then, as soon as he was rescued, he was brought aboard the Satellite of Love with two robots and a guy named Joel, along with Sailor Silver Knight. Now, instead of acting, he was reading unholy fan fiction. Soon afterwards, Jason Halloway was beamed aboard. He seemed nice enough, but then he snapped and took Joel to the only remaining escape pod. Falcon Knight had crashed into the SOL soon before this, and was brought aboard by Dr. Forrester, however, with Joel gone, his moral started to decline. The fanfics seemed to get longer, and even more incoherent. The hentai comments made by the Bots and Falcon Knight on occasion were really getting to him. And now he was brought to an entirely new place in an instant. Alex didn't know what to expect next, and the scared him a little. He thought he was lucky that he hadn't gone mad by now.

It wasn't long before Falcon Knight noticed he was gone. Spotting Tuxedo a few yards away, he ran over to check on him. "Hey, Alex!" Adam said with a big grin on his face. "Where you goin'?"

Alex turned to face his friend, although looking very worse for the wear. "Hey, Adam," he said without much emotion.

Falcon took this as a bad sign. "You all right, man?" he asked.

"Just peachy, Falcon. Peachy," said a sarcastic Tuxedo.

"You don't sound like it," Falcon said. "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter?" Tuxedo countered. "The matter is that I've been a captive for two whole months now! First by Jupiter Knight, then by Forrester, now here! I have not once been free to do what I want to do!"

This statement took Falcon aback. He never knew that his friend had taken this so hard. "Well, at least the fanfics we can handle, right?"

"Adam, fanfics are fanfics. They are little words on paper that make no sense, well, at least the ones we've read. The fanfics I can handle. Even the really bad ones with poorly written sex scenes, and grammar mistakes the size of Neptune. I can handle those. It's just...it's just the notion that I'll never see the light of day again..."

Falcon Knight looked grim. "Man, I...I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything," said Tuxedo Alex, a small smile appearing on his face. "I just needed an ear to listen to me. Thanks."

Falcon patted Alex on the back. "Hey, no problem. Wanna go back and join the others?"

"Sure, why not?" said Alex. "We got nothing better to do, right?"

@@@@@

ORIGINAL UNKNOWN LOCATION

As Sailor Silver Knight finished retelling the horrors of what fanfics they had to go through while the Bots were away, she saw Falcon Knight and Tuxedo Alex returning out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, guys!" she said with a cheery smile. "Where'd you go off to?"

"I needed time to myself," Tuxedo replied. "Hey, you seem to be in a good mood. The Bots haven't driven you crazy yet?"

Silver's smile grew bigger. "Nope. I just finished telling them about 'Rini's Ch...'"

"ACK!" screamed a shocked Tom. "Don't mention that fanfic again!"

Crow also seemed to look like a shade of green, even though he was a golden robot. "Even I don't want to hear about lemons like that!"

"You should have seen the look on their faces," Michelle said, laughing all the way.

Both Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight laughed as well. They were sorry they had to miss the Bots rejecting a lemon, of all things. "Well, now we're all together again," Alex said when he calmed down, "we have to figure out what's going on."

Falcon Knight agreed. "Yeah, why the heck are we here?"

A voice was heard off in the distance. "Your question shall be answered, my children..."

Suddenly, the entire landscape darkened into a bluish hue. The heroes and robots came closer together, not knowing what to expect next. Several blue streaks of light appeared before them, coming from many directions and convening onto one spot. The light beams began to swirl around in a circle, spinning faster and faster continuously. The heroes soon were able to make out something inside the swirling beams. After a few more seconds, the blue light streaks disappeared, and the landscape returned to normal, leaving a standing body in its wake.

The figure looked to be human, and a female at that. She wore a magnificent blue dress that reached down to her ankles. Her long arms with her slender hands slowly reached down to sides in the wake of her teleportation. She possessed a delicate face, with long, light blue hair reaching down to her back. She looked as pure as the driven snow.

Tom spoke first. "Wow, what a fancy entrance!" he said at the top of his lungs.

"Tom!" the others whispered to hush him.

"Do not be afraid, my children," the woman said. "You have been brought here for a purpose."

"I assumed that," Tuxedo Alex said, some fear still in his voice. "But who are you?"

"I am the Goddess Genvira, one of the rulers of this world," she spoke, her words flowing like water. "Let me officially welcome you to Glenidia."

Upon hearing the title of Genvira, the heroes immediately kneeled. They did not want to displease the one who brought them away from the torture of the SOL, let alone one of the rulers of the world they were brought to. "We apologize for not figuring this out sooner, mighty Goddess," Falcon spoke, obviously trying to get on her good side.

Genvira looked puzzled as the collective group bowed down in front of her. "What are you all doing?" she asked hesitantly.

Tuxedo Alex raised his head. "We are just paying our respects to you, Goddess," he said.

"Suck up," Tom whispered aloud.

"Tom!" Silver Knight whispered, knocking his dome in a very subtle way to keep him in line.

Soon afterwards, Genvira began to laugh. "You do not have to bow before me. You can call this visit 'casual', if you would like."

The heroes and Bots stood up on equal level to the goddess. "Thank you, oh Goddess," Falcon Knight stated. "I was getting a cramp."

"And don't refer to me as just my title," Genvira assured the group. "You are my guests here. You may just call me 'Genvira'. Or, 'Gen' if you'd like."

Sailor Silver Knight was the first to step forward of the group. "Well, Genvira, may we ask you a question?"

"You just did," Crow remarked.

Silver Knight turned to face Crow. "And just what do you mean by that?"

Crow snickered. "Hey, there's another one!"

As the female soldier proceeded to beat on Crow, it was Tuxedo Alex' turn to step forward. "We would like to know what we're doing here, and maybe a little more about where 'here' is."

Genvira's voice became somewhat somber. "Where you are is easy to explain. Why you are here is another matter entirely. It would take a long time to tell..."

"We have time," said Falcon Knight, watching Crow get pounded on the corner of his eye.

Genvira sighed. "All shall be revealed in time, my children. For now, you will need to know only a few things. I have brought you here from your satellite for a 'training mission' as you would call it."

"Training?" asked an enthusiastic Tom. "Can we do it in one hundred times normal gravity?"

"How about learning those cool finger laser attacks Frieza does?" blurted out Crow, who was hiding behind Tuxedo Alex. It was then that Sailor Silver Knight gave up the chase.

Genvira was puzzled once again. "Excuse me?" she said as the others just stared at the Bots.

"Its not our fault we're on a DBZ high!" Crow said.

"Anyway," Genvira said, returning to the topic at hand, "this is the item you will have to train against.

With a wave of her hand, a metal tube appeared next to her in mid-air. A second wave sent the tube floating towards the tuxedo-clad of the heroes. Genvira nodded her head, motioning Alex to take the tube. Grasping it, he opened the lid, revealing a paper document within it. Unrolling it, he read what the document said on the top line. He was shocked.

"It's...it's 'Evil Guy From Another Dimension'!" he cried out in fear.

The others were just as shocked as he was. "What the hell?" shouted Tom.

"Are you serious?" Silver Knight managed to let loose from her lips.

"That two-bit goddess brought us here to read bad fanfics!" Crow accused.

Genvira held her hands up in a defensive position. "Please, do not be alarmed," she said in a soothing voice, trying to calm the collective down. "This is not what you have assumed..."

Falcon Knight didn't pay attention to her as he drew his prized weapon, the Falcon Flame-Fan, from his belt. "Okay, Genny, you got some explaining to do..."

"Kick her ass, Falcon!" Tom cheered on.

"Burn her hair! Fire! Fire!" Crow added.

"Falcon, wait!" Tuxedo Alex shouted, causing the winged one to stop in his tracks. "We don't sense evil within her, right? She must have brought us here with good intentions!"

"Please trust us, Adam!" Silver Knight added. "Please?"

Reluctantly, Falcon Knight sheathed his weapon. "Okay, okay, I'll trust her. But why would she bring us here just to feed us the same crap Forrester was dishing out?"

"Again," Genvira interrupted, "all shall be revealed in time. For now, just trust me. Read Part 7 of this horrible story, and then you shall know the true purpose of why you were brought here."

The group got together into a huddle and discussed their options for a few minutes. After coming to the conclusion that they had no choice but to comply, and the conclusion that the Bots wanted to see Genvira get burned, they agreed to read Part 7 of the dreaded fanfic. "Okay," said Tuxedo Alex, speaking for the group. "We're in. When do we start?"

"Now," Genvira said, concise and to the point.

From a nearby river, a huge stream of water erupted and collected into a huge ball. The liquid rippled and bubbled as it moved into the mainland. A simple twist of Genvira's wrist made the water expand in all directions, turning it into a thin, transparent screen. The heroes and Bots marveled at what they bared witness to. A few more hand gestures and several chairs rose from the ground. A makeshift theater had been created.

"The chairs recline," Genvira stated. "It may be training, but I shall make this as easy as possible for you."

The group made their way to the chairs and took their seats. Crow took the one furthest from the right, with Tuxedo Alex sitting next to him. Sailor Silver Knight took the middle seat, with Falcon Knight and Tom filling out the last two.

Genvira stood in front of the water-born screen. "One more word of caution," she warned. "If you are feeling sick at any time of the fanfic, barf bags are provided on the sides of the chairs."

"We'll keep that in mind," said Silver Knight, not necessarily wanting to hear that.

"I wish you all the luck in the world," Genvira blessed as she teleported away from sight.

@@@@@

FANFIC

TOM: Well, lets get this over with...
FALCON: Hey, we're talking like this again!
S.KNIGHT: Adam, ENOUGH with the fourth wall breaches!
FALCON: Sorry...
CROW: So, did we miss anything in the last part?
TUXEDO: Chibi Chibi arrived. That's about it.
(The Bots shudder)

Well, it's 1999.

TOM (Jupiter Knight): So tonight, I'm gonna party like it's...um...well...forget it.

Maybe I should work on SMK9.

FALCON: Well go ahead! All right by us! No problem!

But I want to do this. Heehee.

S.KNIGHT: Aw, rats!
TUXEDO: Man why couldn't that be picked up by our minds, huh?

More torture for various people,

TOM: You mean he intended this series for US?
ALL: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

but I actually get a lot of good feedback on this.

CROW: (Starts to beg) Oh please, JK! Stop this insidious fanfic! Please!

Now, stop begging,

CROW: ...
TUXEDO: Hey, it worked! We fouled the mind control thingy!
CROW: Wow, did I really do it!

here's part 7.

FALCON: Apparently not. Dammit...
TUXEDO: I stand corrected...
CROW: Bite me!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)

Part 7 - Fanservice is fun! The plot thins.

BOTS: Fan service! Yay!
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
TOM: Yipes! Forgot...
CROW: Whoops. It's been so long...
S.KNIGHT: Just remember you two...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last time on EGFAD:

FALCON: Eggo Gets Funny Additional Dough?
S.KNIGHT: Ergheiz's Gameplay Fizzles And Dies?
TUXEDO: Even Goats Feel All Dynamite?
TOM: Encircling Gynecologists Feel Anus 'n Derrieres?
TUXEDO: Ick! Tom...
CROW: Elicit Gross F(BLEEP)ing...
TUXEDO: CROW! Do NOT continue!
S.KNIGHT: I knew there was a good reason why he went out the airlock...

Chibi Chibi appeared and annoyed people. Simon Simmons was defeated, and that's about it. Will
anything else important happen?

TOM: Will my head stay on for the duration of this fanfic?
FALCON: Hey, anything's possible...

Will it really be important? Do you care?

ALL: No.

Do I care?

TUXEDO: Why should you? With that mind link-up thing, it seems we control this fanfic to a point...

Do the Senshi care? Will Chibiusa return to her century? Will Setsuna make it to a drug rehab institute before she invents the zipper in 1567? And what's with these Senshi in leather?

CROW: Hey, you didn't tell us about any of that!
FALCON: Okay, Crow. The leather Senshi are...
S.KNIGHT: Ugh. You hentais...

More will be revealed tonight on 60 Minutes!

ALL: (Make ticking noises)

* * * * *

Chibiusa looked around at the desolate post-apocalyptic Tokyo scenery.

TOM (Anthy Himemia): The Absolute Destiny Apocalypse...

"I love the decor," she said. "Now, where is that Puu?"

FALCON: Didn't Chibiusa potty BEFORE going to the 21st century?
TUXEDO: ADAM!

"Maybe we'll find something if we look around," suggested Diana.

CROW (Chibiusa): Hey, look! I found the Puu!
TOM (Mr. Hankey): HIDEY-HO!
TUXEDO: GUYS!

"Like what? Frozen bodies?"
"Sure."

S.KNIGHT: Yes, Frozen Bodies! The new Ice Cream treat from Evil Guy Products!
FALCON: Available in your grocer's freezer!

"I'll never have ice cream again."

S.KNIGHT: Oh, come on, Alex. That pun wasn't that bad.
TUXEDO: I didn't say that...
FALCON: Tom? Crow?
TOM: Nope.
CROW: Wasn't me...
S.KNIGHT: ...The fanfic again, right?
TUXEDO: Yep...
FALCON: Damn, we're NEVER safe!

* * * * *

TUXEDO: Five brave souls journey to a far-off land to...do exactly what they were doing before...
CROW: I thought we were training.
TUXEDO: We are, but still...

Evil Guy sat on the golden flushing throne

TOM: ...trying to create the Puu for Chibiusa to find in the 21st Century.
S.KNIGHT: You're pushing it, Tom...

reading his copy of the New York Times.

FALCON (Evil Guy): Drat, stocks in Evil Guy Products fell again, today...

As he read over the personal ads, he found something that interested him.

CROW (Evil Guy): Hmmm, Bald, Naked Jell-O Wrestling! Maybe I'll try this!

SWF, 23, likes alternate dimensions, rotating tires and evil plots. Will go to the highest bidder. One
new sofa. Lots of pizza crusts.

TUXEDO (SWF): And if you act now, I'll even throw in some lawn furniture!

Will kill for sex.

TOM: Really?
CROW: Let's get to it!
(Both Bots suddenly jump Falcon Knight and attack him relentlessly.)
FALCON: WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU DOING!
TOM: Well, SWF said...
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE...
CROW: Yipes! Sorry!
TOM: We'll be good! Promise!
TUXEDO: You two better.
(Both Bots return to their seats. Falcon gets up to tend to his injuries.)

No call box, you may teleport me to you when you want.

Evil Guy smiled crookedly and laughed like a wild ass.

FALCON: (Singing) He's an ass man!
(The Bots do guitar riffing.)
TUXEDO: (Singing) He's such an ass man!
(More guitar riffing from the Bots.)

"There's my next henchperson," he said to himself. "Yes, looks very good," he replied.

TOM: Who?
S.KNIGHT: Apparently Evil Guy is trying to carry on some intelligent conversation with himself.
TUXEDO: Intelligent?
S.KNIGHT: (Thinks for a moment.) Oh, right. This is EVIL GUY. Sorry.

"Glad you like it." "Oh yes, I like it." "Excellent."

TUXEDO: Case and point.

* * * * *

CROW: This fanfic hit me so hard I'm seeing stars!
FALCON: Must've KO'ed all of us, then.

"Chibi."
"Shut up."
"Chibi."
"Shut up."
"Chibi up."

TUXEDO (ala Rock): Now, the Tux is gonna take this Chibi Chibi...shine it up real nice... turn that Son (BLEEP) sideways, and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CHIBI ASS!
TOM: The Tux?
TUXEDO (ala Rock): You gotta problem with that, jabroni?
S.KNIGHT: That's it. No more WWF Smackdown for you!

"Shut up, shut up, shut up."
"Chibi Chibi Chibi."
"Urusai!"
"Chibi nihongo."

S.KNIGHT: Hmmmm.... "Small Language?"

This has been going on for the past 45 minutes between Usagi and Chibi Chibi. It's as if Chibi Chibi
was a living Furby (TM, Hasbro).

FALCON: Don't you go inventing that, okay Tuxy?
TUXEDO: What?

"Chibi Furby."

FALCON: CRIPES! He already did!
TUXEDO: Uh, did I miss something?

* * * * *

"Your call cannot be completed. Please hang up and try again," said the phone.

S.KNIGHT: And the phone can probably carry a more intelligent conversation than Evil Guy.

"You have such a sexy voice," said Makoto. "You sound like senpai."

CROW: That and the majority of the characters in this 'fic.

The phone started beeping loudly.
"Be that way, you bastard!" exclaimed Makoto, hanging up the phone.

ALL: (Loud sigh) Case and point.

* * * * *

TOM: Damn, this part is going real slow...
FALCON: I know. Our riffs don't seem up to par in this part.
TUXEDO: Well, they're going to have to be. We're training, remember?

"Nice ceiling," said Minako.
"Hai, kirei na tenjou," said Rei.
"Looks white," said Minako.
"Hai, shiroi tenjou," said Rei.

FALCON: The hell?
S.KNIGHT: Hey, it's "Japanese Made Easy Through Another Dimension"!
TOM: Just another fine product from Evil Guy Products!
TUXEDO: Available at most Inter-Dimensional retail outlets!

"This bed is soft," said Minako.
"Hai, yawarakai beddo," said Rei.
"This room is spacious," said Minako.
"Hai, ookii heya," said Rei.
"Your skin is soft," said Minako.
"Hai, yawarakai hifu," said Rei.

CROW: Hey, this must be "Porno Made Easy From Another Dimension"!
TOM: Yet another quality product from Evil Guy Products...
S.KNIGHT: (Points her bow at Tom's head.) ...which has been discontinued due to the otaku onslaught!
TOM: Uh, right.

Yuuichirou walked in, got a nose bleed and fainted.
"Silly Yuuichirou," said Minako.

TUXEDO: Trix are for kids!

"Hai, baka na Yuuichirou," said Rei.

TOM: Hey Silver, how do you say, "Trix are for kids" in Japanese?
S.KNIGHT: I'd have to look it up.

* * * * *

In some room, somewhere else in Tokyo,

FALCON: In a galaxy far, far away...

Haruka and Michiru were sitting by the swimming pool. Michiru was wearing a swimsuit, while Haruka
was in her regular street clothes.

TOM (Michiru): No swimsuit?
CROW (Haruka): Forgot it, baby. Wanna go skinny-dipping?
TUXEDO: Guys...
TOM: But it's "very pleasing"!
TUXEDO: TOM!

Michiru's very revealing swimsuit wasn't revealing enough. Due to the title of this part, Michiru
stripped down to nothing and went skinny dipping.

S.KNIGHT: CROW!
CROW: What? It livens up the fanfic, doesn't it?
S.KNIGHT: That does it. I'm shooting you out the air lock again!
FALCON: What air lock?
S.KNIGHT: ...That's right...damn.

Haruka liked. Hentai fanboys liked.

FALCON KNIGHT & BOTS: Damn straight!
(The others just groan.)

Michiru liked.

S.KNIGHT: ...to strangle the author and beat him over the head repeatedly for degrading her character to this ridiculous state.

* * * * *

Evil Guy teleported SWF, 23 to himself,

TUXEDO: It's MY SWF, 23! All mine! You can't have it!

monitored a phone call between Belfast, Northern Ireland and Johannesburg, South Africa,

CROW: Crap! My Ireland phone-sex number's been discovered...I mean, uh, lovely day, isn't it?
S.KNIGHT: You REALLY want to get barraged, don't you?

located some documentation for the Human Instrumentality Project, and created many beautiful songs
for the compulsive burper.

TOM: Including Jingle Bells, Moonlight Densestu, and Faye Wong's "Eyes on Me".
FALCON: All these great songs can be yours on the "Evil Guy Belches Out" music CD!
TUXEDO: Just another quality product from Evil Guy Products!

"SWF, 23, I have summoned you for one purpose," said Evil Guy.
"Yes? What would you like me to do?" SWF, 23 asked.

CROW (Evil Guy): I just can't wait for the pizza crusts! I love to eat pizza crusts!

"Kill the Sailor Senshi, two cats and a guy in a tuxedo."

TUXEDO: (Pulls out his sword and goes into a defensive stance.) Not if I got anything to say about it!
FALCON: Not you. The other jabroni wearing a tux.
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: Hey!

"I will kill for sex."
"And you shall get sex," said Evil Guy.
"Then I shall kill," grinned SWF, 23.

TUXEDO (Evil Guy): For sex?
S.KNIGHT (SWF): Yes. For sex.
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Then you'll get sex.
S.KNIGHT (SWF): Good sex?
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Yes. Good sex.
S.KNIGHT (SWF): Okay...what am I supposed to do again?

* * * * *

CROW: Whoops! Spilled the plot holes! Just let me pick those up...

It was a rainy day. It was a sad day.

FALCON: It was the day that the chocolate covered ants exploded.
TOM: So sad. There were thoraxes and chocolate goo everywhere.

Funerals are always sad.

S.KNIGHT: The funeral of Jupiter Knight, however, was a festive occasion!
CROW: He's not dead yet.
S.KNIGHT: Just wait...

There was a tombstone for each Sailor Senshi, cat and tuxedo wearing hero.

BOTS: Oh my God! They killed Tuxy!
TUXEDO: Funny...

Back at Evil Guy's lair, SWF, 23 disrobed and prepared for sex.

S.KNIGHT (SWF): Good sex?
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Yes, very good sex.
S.KNIGHT (SWF): Did I kill them yet?
TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Yes. And now you get sex.
S.KNIGHT (SWF): Good sex?
CROW: Give it a rest, you two. We know you have secret desires, but...
(Both Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight punt Crow through the transparent screen and into the wild blue yonder.)
TOM: Buddy!
TUXEDO: Got something to say, Gumball Head?
TOM: (Stays silent.)
S.KNIGHT: That's what we though.

The scene faded to black and Rei woke up.
"What the hell?" Rei asked.
"Have a bad dream?" asked Minako.

FALCON (Rei): No, I just had one of my premonitions of everybody's death that almost comes true but doesn't. Why?

"We were dead and some woman was about to have sex with a four dimensional man, then I woke up."
Minako looked over at Rei, both still lying on the soft bed in the spacious room with the white ceiling,

(Crow comes back through the transparent screen and takes his seat.)
CROW: Hey, looks like I came back at the right time!
TUXEDO: Damn, you're worse than Happosai!
CROW: Just making up for lost time.

Yuuichirou still laying on the floor unconscious.

TOM (Jupiter Knight): Me write story good!
S.KNIGHT: Has his brain regressed to that of a caveman's?
FALCON: It would make the 'fic a little easier to understand...

"I wonder why Yuuichirou's nose started bleeding."
"Probably vertigo," said Rei.

TOM: Yes, it's Vertigo! The newest item from Evil Guy Products!
CROW: You turn it on, and someone's nose starts to bleed!
TOM: And then they faint!
S.KNIGHT: Do you know what vertigo even means?
CROW: Well...no, but we're putting out the Evil Guy Products catalog this year, and we needed a catchy name for the Nose-Bleeder...

Minako stood up, stretched, and many readers imagined her doing so.

TUXEDO: Yes, thanks to the wonderful world of reading, your brain starts to fill with pictures of what's happening within the story. So when we read that Minako is stretching, the words on your computer screen translate into visual images of the very same character doing the very same thing.
FALCON: You quite done?
TUXEDO: Yeah. We needed an intelligent riff.

Unfortunately for them, she was not naked. Neither was Rei. They never were. Haha.

S.KNIGHT: ...Well, that came out of left field.
TUXEDO: Who would assume that they were naked? (Looks at Tom, Crow, and Falcon.) Never mind.
FALCON & BOTS: Bite me!

* * * * *

SWF, 23, accidentally fell down the stairs. She's dead.

ALL (Singing): Ding dong! The SWF is dead! The wicked SWF, the wicked SWF!

Too bad. She can't have sex now.

CROW: What, she's suddenly had a change of heart?
FALCON: No, she just died.
CROW: Same thing.
TUXEDO: ...No it's not!
CROW: Your point?
(The others sigh and ignore Crow.)

Next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension:

TOM: Huh? That's it?
S.KNIGHT: There's no fighting?
TUXEDO: Be thankful. We didn't have to go through another "I am Random Person" segment that lasts an hour.

Usagi: Tell me, was the last part necessary?

FALCON: Tell me; are all of these parts necessary?

Setsuna: Not really.

FALCON: Thank you...Wait a minute!
TOM: Don't temp the fanfic!

But at least there wasn't a fight.
Rei: I was hoping for a nude scene.
Minako: So was I.

CROW: So was I.
TOM: So was I.
FALCON: So was I.
S.KNIGHT: Proving that "Copy and Paste" can be fun, boys?
(A lightning bolt lands near Silver's seat.)
GENVIRA: No fourth wall breaches!
S.KNIGHT: Whoops...

Michiru: I got to be nude.
Haruka: *drool*

TUXEDO: Those who drool over Genvira's clear landscape get to pull thorns out of their teeth!
(All the otaku boys and bots stay silent.)

Makoto: Phone sex didn't work for me.
Ami: Why wasn't I in this part? And aren't we supposed to be talking about the next part?
Hotaru: Yeah, I wasn't in this part, either. Neither were Mamoru-san, Luna, Artemis, or Setsuna-mama.
Usagi: Don't forget those leather clad perverts.

TOM: Sorry. Due to fan service beyond your control, they were in the back room satisfying their "urges"...
(A yellow rose and an arrow suddenly appear in Tom's domed head.)
TOM: Ouch! Hey!
S.KNIGHT: That's what you get!

Mamoru: Ahem, next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension, there may be plot, there may be
fanservice, there may be crossovers.

FALCON: There may be sanity, there may be a good story, there may be Chyna...
CROW: The man-beast!
FALCON: Shut up! All good stories have Chyna in them!
OTHERS: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

I can't tell what the future will be, as I'm not Setsuna or Rei.
Setsuna: You sure aren't.
Rei: You don't have a sexy female body like mine.

TOM: We'd be the ones to tell!
TUXEDO: Ugh.

So, how was that? Good fanservice? Bad fanservice? Was it even fanservice, since this is only text? Anyhoo, comments and stuff can be sent to me at jarcher@direct.ca.

S.KNIGHT: The part's over!
TOM: We can leave the thea... wait; we're on Genvira's world now...
TUXEDO: Don't worry. Force of habit.
FALCON: So, what do we do? Do we just wait?
(The transparent screen disappears into the river whence it once came, and the chairs sink into the ground. This causes the unsuspecting heroes to crash upon the ground themselves.)

@@@@@

THE WORLD OF GLENIDIA

"Ouch!" Crow exclaimed. "My fanny!"

"Okay, I feel different again," Falcon Knight realized. "I can't place what it is, though..."

"Not without breaking the fourth wall, buddy," warned Tuxedo Alex.

As the group rose to their feet, the landscape darkened around them once again. However, instead of her first entrance, Genvira simply appeared in a small flash of blue light.

"Hey, how come you didn't do that huge 'light streak' thing like before?" asked Crow as the landscape returned to its original hue.

"Look, just because I am a goddess does not mean that I have to impress you every time with a dramatic entrance!" said Genvira, defending herself.

"Well, that's a good reason as any," Alex commented, helping Tom to a standing position.

"Okay," started Sailor Silver Knight. "We finished Part 7, like you said. Now can you tell us WHY we're here?"

"Of course," said Genvira, bowing her head. "After viewing such lurid filth, it is the least I can do. Gather around, everyone, and you shall learn the truth of why you are here..."

@@@@@

BACK ON DEEP 13 1/3

(Using the flamethrower from earlier, Dr. Forrester goes quickly to work burning important documents from past experiments as well as small inventions that they never got to use for Invention Exchanges. TV's Frank is releasing the experimental animals around the same time.)

DR. F.: How many of those rabbits have you released, Frank?
FRANK: (Careening around the room with a rabbit stuck to his neck) YAAAGH! It's got my jugular! It's got my jugular!
DR. F.: That's nice. (Goes back to burning several metallic egg-looking devices.
FRANK: (Collapses on the ground due to loss of blood.) Steve...help! My neck...feels funny...so funny...

(Ignoring Frank's pleas of help, as usual, he stops in front of Fanfic Sender. He stares at it for the longest time, thinking of all the horrible items he sent to the boobies in space. With a tear in his eye, he points the flamethrower's nozzle towards his "baby".)

DR. F.: The evil lair won't be the same without you, girl...
FRANK: Doc! My leg just turned gray! Hey, now it's orange! What do I do?
DR. F.: (Turning to Frank) Would you SHUT UP?!? I'm having an emotional moment here!
FRANK: Sure thing, Steve...ow...

@@@@@

BACK ON THE WORLD OF GLENIDIA

Sitting in a circle around Genvira, the heroes and the Bots were ready to here the full truth on why they were brought to this beautiful world. Genvira was standing, preparing her explanation.

"As a goddess," Genvira began, "I have the ability to sense evil powers and evil minds all over this world. The reason why the world is so beautiful is that we have healed the minds of all that wanted to destroy it."

"But doesn't that affect the natural balance?" asked Sailor Silver Knight.

"Not really," Genvira answered. "Our world is like a safe haven for all that is good in the world. For we know that somewhere is a world that belongs to the confines of evil, so the balance is maintained."

"Interesting theory," Tuxedo Alex remarked.

Genvira continued on. "Anyway, I decided one day to see if my sight for evil minds could stretch to other worlds as well. So this morning, I floated to the highest point in the land, and used my senses to break the barriers of the sky. It was fascinating, staring into empty space. Soon, I came across a world that seemed suitable to observe. It was very small compared to Glenidia, and very oddly shaped I might add. Its appearance suggested a metallic...dog bone object."

"The Satellite!" Tom shouted out.

"Exactly," Genvira said with a smile. "Looking into this new 'world' that I found, I saw only three inhabitants. The robotic life forms, and the one that you called 'Joel'."

Everyone was shocked. "Joel?" Crow blurted out. "How long ago did you see us?"

"I told you. I started this..." Genvira caught herself in mid-sentence. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you. The world of Glenidia runs on a very different time schedule than what you are used to. Our days last much longer than your days would. In fact, we do not measure time in hours and minutes. But if you were to translate our time, one of our days would last about three months of your time."

"I guess that would make sense," Falcon spoke. "I came on the Satellite about a month ago, so that would be a morning for you, right?"

"Approximately," Genvira said. "Like I said, our world's time is very different than yours. To try and translate it exactly would be impossible. But back to the original explanation, it was the Robots and Joel that I saw. They seemed to have pure souls, including the golden one, even though it was filled with lurid thoughts."

The others started to snicker. Crow simply turned himself away from the group.

Genvira continued her story. "Soon, however, I saw two faces appear on one of your world's viewing devices. One seemed to be harmless, while the other's mind was filled with pure evil."

Everyone knew what she was talking about. "Doctor Forrester," they said in unison.

"Right," agreed Genvira. "Anyway, for I while I just observed you, watching you go through many ordeals. Gaining new members, losing old members, reading and viewing horrible fan fiction...it was hard to watch sometimes, but I continued."

"Well, why didn't you help us out when we had to go through all of 'Evil Guy' then?" Crow asked, turning back towards the group.

"Things never got so serious that I could interfere," Genvira explained. "You managed to get through all your horrible trials and tribulations with a smile and laughable comments."

"Trust me, that's the only way we've been able to survive," Tuxedo Alex commented.

"Until one day," Genvira continued. "I saw you watch one line of a certain fanfic, and it drove all five of you mad. The Mads, claiming they were successful in their mission, blew the Satellite up and unleashed the fanfic to the world."

The group was confused by what they just heard. "But we haven't gone nuts yet," Falcon Knight said. "How come you brought us here if that didn't even happen yet?"

"Please let me finish," said Genvira. "When I saw that happen, it was then I decided to make things right. I found a time before that horrendous event, and brought the five of you here."

"Okay, now we know why we were brought here," Tom stated. "But why the HELL do we have to watch bad fanfics here, too?"

"As I stated earlier," Genvira continued, "I said to think of that as a training mission. That is why I brought you here. I knew that if you were to watch a fanfic you truly hated and survive, you would be able to weather any challenge thrown at you."

"Okay, so were just building our senses to these fanfics?" Michelle asked.

"Basically," said Genvira. "Now that you know exactly where I'm coming from, do you trust me now?" Everyone agreed whole-heartedly. "Good," Genvira said happily. "Do you think you'll be able to weather another part of this fanfic?"

"If it saves me from an unholy future fate, I'll do anything," said Crow.

"Same goes for me," agreed Tom.

"Ditto," joined Falcon.

"Count me in," said Silver Knight.

"Lets go kick some fanfic butt!" Alex shouted.

Genvira smiled once more. "Okay, just take your places from before, and you shall be rewarded after the next part. I promise."

As the chairs rose from the ground, and the screen rose from the river, the heroes and Bots took their seats once more. With a newly found fire, they were ready to weather "Evil Guy" once again, as Genvira teleported away.

@@@@@

FANFIC

S.KNIGHT: Well, back to the hurting...
FALCON: At least when I talk like this, it takes away from the pain...
(Everyone gives him a stern look.)
FALCON: Okay, I know! No fourth wall breaches! Yeesh!

Hey, are you still reading this?

TOM: Unfortunately...

Of course, your answer would be yes, because if you weren't, you wouldn't be able to read this to answer
no.

TUXEDO: Irrefutable logic by Jupiter Knight. That's a rarity.

Uh, now for more stuff and other things...below, you know.

CROW: Yeah, you know. Down there.
FALCON: Down where?
CROW: (Crotch chops) Down THERE!
TOM: You actually fell for that, Bird Boy?
FALCON (Sarcastically): I really missed you guys. I mean that...

Soon to be available on DVD.

TUXEDO: Yes, it's the Evil Guy From Another Dimension on DVD! Now with added useless footage!
S.KNIGHT: New features include being Trilingual, and interviews with Jupiter Knight in his asylum home!
TOM: And with our special enhancements, the story is even more confusing than it already is!
FALCON: Just another great production from Evil Guy Products!
CROW: Send for our company catalog!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)

Part 8 - It's too dark, and what's this stuff?

S.KNIGHT: I think it's a fanfic, but I'm not too sure...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last time on EGFAD:

TUXEDO: Everybody Gets Free Animal Dung!
OTHERS: (shocked) Alex!
TUXEDO: (Hold's his forehead.) Sorry, I think I was channeling Crow for a second...
CROW: Bite me!

Fanservice. Nuff said.

TOM: And not enough of it!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...

And SWF 23 sort of died.

FALCON: Just like every single character in DBZ history, huh?
TUXEDO (Chi Chi): Oh, my husband died for the 87th time. No matter. I'll revive him with the Dragon Balls AGAIN!

* * * * *

"Usagi-chan."
"What?"

ALL: SHE SAID "USAGI-CHAN!"
TOM: Hey, how do you know it's a "she" anyway?
FALCON: Good point.

"Where are you?"
"I don't know. It's dark."
"Feel around you and describe it to me."

CROW (Usagi): Okay. I'm feeling...oh, oh, oh, OH, OH! I don't wanna STOP feeling!
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(Hundreds of energy stars slam into Crow, knocking him through the transparent screen again.)
TOM: Okay, that he had coming.
FALCON: No argument here.

"Who are you, anyway?"
"You should know my voice."
"But the readers can't exactly read your voice."
"Oh, that's true. I'm Ami."

TUXEDO: Ami-chan! (Goes off into his dream state.)
TOM: Oh, not this again.
S.KNIGHT: Alex, darling, does "Ami-chan" compare to me?
TUXEDO: (Quickly snaps out of it.) Oh, no, of course not...wait a minute, what about Darien, huh?
S.KNIGHT: Darien! (Goes off into her dream state.)
FALCON: Say guys? Have you noticed a complete lack of narration?

"Okay, Ami-chan, I'm feeling around me."

(Crow is seen limping back to his seat.)
CROW: Okay, I promise I won't go back there! Even I agree that comment was tasteless.
TUXEDO: Sit down buddy. At least you know what you did wrong.
(Crow takes his seat again.)

"Just describe it to me."
"It's soft. I can feel some kind of fabric."
"Clothes?"
"Maybe."

TOM (Random Person): It's my new shag carpeting! Heh heh...I said shag...
S.KNIGHT: (Snaps out of her dream state.) You want a flood, too?
TOM: Sorry, sorry...
S.KNIGHT: Geez, there's enough innuendo already without you adding to it...

"What else?"
"Oh yuck."
"What?"

ALL: HE OR SHE SAID "OH YUCK"!

"It's sticky here."
"Ew."
"Uh, over there, I can feel some kind of hair."

TUXEDO: Hey, she's touching Usagi!
FALCON: I don't get it.
TUXEDO: You know, rabbit, hare, hair...
CROW: The fanfic's gotten to you, hasn't it?
TUXEDO: (Sighs) Yep...

"Eh?"
"It's short."
"What else?"
"Well, I feel something long now."
"Uhhh, Usagi-chan."

FALCON (Random Person): Are you Oscar in disguise as Usagi?
OTHERS: ADAM!
FALCON: (Starts to whimper) I'm sorry, but it's the only thing keeping my sanity...

"What?"

ALL: HE OR SHE SAID...aw, forget it.

"I hope that's not what I think it is."
"We need a light to see what it really is."
"I don't think you want a light."

TOM: But I need that light for my reefer!
CROW: Say no to drugs, Tom.

"Yes I do."
"Ouch, stop squeezing that!"
"Who's that?"
"Luna."

ALL: GYAAAAAHHHH!
TUXEDO: Oscar managed to sneak in the fanfic!
S.KNIGHT: Save the cartoon characters and cats!

"Usagi-chan, never mind what I said before."
"Why? What did you think it was?"
"Nothing. Never mind."

TOM: Thank you, powers that be, for putting a quick and painless end to that tangent.

"Usagi, could you stop squeezing my tail?"

FALCON (Goku): It's paralyzing me! I can't move!

"Hai, hai."
"Uh, Usagi-chan, what about that sticky stuff?"
"What about it?"
"What could it be?"

S.KNIGHT: I know! The narration melted and got all over the characters!
CROW: Not a bad hypothesis.

"I don't know, but I have it all over my hand."
"Luna, do you know what it could be?"
"No idea."
"Ouch!"

TOM: Hey, Tuxy, remember earlier when you said if Jupiter Knight could make this any more incoherent? He's doing it now...
TUXEDO: Shut up, shut up, shut up!

"What is it, Ami-chan?"
"I just kicked something."
"Yeah, you kicked me."

(Falcon is seen kicking at the transparent screen.)
FALCON: Take this! And this! And that! Stupid 'fic!
S.KNIGHT: Adam, stop! You're altering it beyond repair!
TUXEDO: You want to make it worse!
FALCON: I don't care! (He continues kicking)

"Mako-chan?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"Do you know what's going on or where we are?"
"Nope."

CROW: See? You just introduced another character!
TOM: Do you want to have the Simpsons suddenly inserted, or something?
FALCON: (Stands still for a moment.) You're...you're right. It just bites so much that...that I thought I could save all of us from it...
TUXEDO: Sit down, man. We'll get through this.
(Falcon takes his seat. Silver Knight gives him a quick hug of friendship, and they continue the hurting.)

"Yuck, this is really gross."
"What is it, Usagi-chan?"
"More sticky stuff. It's all over. I just stepped in some."

CROW (Usagi): Okay, this is the LAST time we perform the "Sailor Special Orgasm Attack" while the power's off.
OTHERS: CROW!
CROW: What?

"I have some sticky stuff over here, too."
"You too, Minako-chan?"
"I wish I could see what was going on."
"Me too, Luna."

TOM: You know, maybe it's a blessing that we can't see anything.
S.KNIGHT: True to that.

"So, who else is here?"
"I am."

FALCON: That helps.

"Uh, that helps."

TUXEDO: Adam, do we have to use duct tape to stop you from the fourth wall breaches?
FALCON: I'm sorry! I'm really frightened...

"I don't think anyone can tell who's talking."
"Damn. This is a long scene, and I'm sitting in this sticky stuff!"
"Oh, stop complaining, I have it, too!"

S.KNIGHT: Damn crabs...
CROW: Huh? Has she crossed over to the hentai side?
(An arrow appears through Crow's net on his head.)
CROW: Apparently not...

"I'm getting confused. Who's talking?"
"I am."
"Who keeps saying 'I am?'"
"I am."

TUXEDO: I. M. Weasel!
FALCON (I. R.): Hey, why for to Weasel in fanfic being! I. R. Baboon wanna in fanfic being!
TUXEDO (I. M.): (sigh) Okay, but it's your neck.
FALCON (I. R.): I. R. in fanfic! I. R. in fanfic!
TOM: The sad part about that is I. R. is incoherent enough to be part of this.

"Will you stop that?"
"Yeah, just tell us who you are."
"Rei."

S.KNIGHT: (Singing) A drop of golden suuuuuuuuuuun...

"Oh, so you're here, too?"
Someone yawns,

FALCON: Someone narrates.
CROW: Finally.

"Will you people keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep."
"Who's that?"

TUXEDO: Someone questions.

"And did we actually see a bit of narration?"
"Michiru, don't grab me there, not in front of the children."

TOM: Someone gropes.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, that's enough self-narration, guys.

"But they can't see us."
"Hey, we're only a year younger than you!"
"I think Chibiusa's here, too."

FALCON (Chibi-usa): I found my Puu!
TOM (Mr. Hankey): Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidey Ho!
TUXEDO: Guys...

"Hai."
"I knew this was going to happen."
"Huh?"

CROW: Hey, Jupiter Knight's here!
S.KNIGHT: How can you tell?
CROW: The author ALWAYS knows what's going to happen. He knows all and sees all!
TUXEDO: Aren't we going a little too far on the author bashing?

"You know, I sort of have the ability to travel through time."
"Oh, Setsuna-san."
"Ami-chan, could you stop kicking me?"

(Falcon Knight is kicking at the screen again.)
FALCON: ...And that! And that! And this!
S.KNIGHT: Adam, what did we say before?
FALCON: (Returns to his seat.) I know. Just wanted to take some more cheap shots.
TUXEDO: It's understandable, but please try not to do that anymore.

"Sorry, Mako-chan."
"Ouch! That's sharp!"
"Sorry, Haruka-papa, it's just my glaive."

CROW: Kinky!
OTHERS: CROW!

"Hotaru-chan, put it away."
"Hai."
"This sticky stuff is really annoying."

TOM: It was Haruka's blood, and then she bled to death. The End.
S.KNIGHT: What's on Saturday Anime?

"Chibi chibi."
"Damn. What's she doing here?"
"No idea. But where's here?"
"I can assume there are twelve of us in here."

TUXEDO: And a hard-boiled egg.
OTHERS: Huh?
TUXEDO: Oh, you've never seen the Marx Brothers?

"No, thirteen."
"Oh, forgot about you, Artemis."
"Sigh. Everyone forgets about me."

S.KNIGHT: Oh Artemis, you know we love you.
FALCON: "Oh, thank you, whoever said that!"
S.KNIGHT: ...was...was that part of the fanfic?
TUXEDO: No, it was Falcon.
S.KNIGHT: Oh, okay. SILVER STAR...
FALCON: Sorry! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!
S.KNIGHT: Well...this time...

"Dammit! I want a scene change!"
"But first, I want to know what this sticky stuff is!"

TOM: Haruka's blood has squirted all over the floor...
CROW: Poor thing. No more "pleasing" scenes with her and Michiru...

"Luna, Artemis, you're cats. Use your night vision."
"We can't when it's absolutely dark."
"Oh."

S.KNIGHT (Usagi): That makes perfect sen...Huh?

"Ami-chan, do you have your computer?"
"No idea."
"Stop that, hehehe, that tickles."
"Stop what?"
"I'm warning you. Get your hand out of there, Haruka."

FALCON: Haruka's alive!
CROW: The foreplay pleasure of these two shall live on!
TUXEDO: Guys!

"Where's the damn light?"
"Ahahahahahahahaha!"
"What?!"
"Artemis, stop licking me there!"

ALL: GYAHHHH!
S.KNIGHT: Oscar found his way back in the fanfic!
TOM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Tom's head explodes, showering Kit Kats everywhere, however the process somehow reverses, and Tom's head remains intact.)
OTHERS: WOW!
CROW: Hey, do that again!
TOM: I...I don't know how...
GENVIRA'S VOICE: I can control all that happens in this world. It is my will that Tom shall stay in one piece.
FALCON: She's good.
TUXEDO: How do you fell, Tom?
TOM: I still feel kinda weird, but...hey! Kit Kats!

"I'm not licking anyone."
"Then what is that?"
"Oh great."
"What?"

ALL: HE OR SHE SAID: "OH GREAT!"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

TOM: Hence the sticky stuff on the floor.
OTHERS: Aw, yuck!

"Well, you shouldn't have had that two litre bottle of Coke."
"Mercury Crystal Power, Make Up!"
"What are you doing?"
"Using my visor."

CROW: Geordi! Geordi LaForge!
FALCON: Maybe he'll use the Enterprise's engines to blow up the fanfic!
S.KNIGHT: We can only hope...

"Good idea."
"What do you see?"
"Well, I found a door."

TUXEDO: And I found 150 yen under the pillows of the couch.
TOM (Genma): 150 yen?!? We can finish the play later!

"Why don't you open it?"
"I don't think you want to see what's in here."
"Oh, so we're supposed to just sit here and do nothing?"

CROW: Like the majority of this fanfic? Hell, what's stopping you?

"Well, no."
"Then open the damn door!"
"Hai, hai."
"AAHHH!"

TOM: There's a hermaphrodite in here!
TUXEDO: Okay, I call no more Oscar jokes, as appealing as they are to make.
OTHERS: Agreed!

"The light is too bright!"
"Ah, I can see things now."

S.KNIGHT: (Singing) I can see clearly, now the rains have gone...

Everyone went silent.

FALCON: Narration!
TUXEDO: Coherency!
CROW: Michiru and Haruka!
S.KNIGHT: Well, I see everyone has their priorities straight.

Ami...er Sailor Mercury was standing by the door, looking on in shock.

TOM (Mercury): You were getting naked and didn't tell me?
(A yellow rose pierces Tom's dome.)
TUXEDO: Talk about Ami-chan like that again, and I'll make CERTAIN that your head doesn't stay together!

Luna was on the bed, it looks like Usagi's. Usagi was sitting in a pool of partially dried up Coke, right by her bed. Minako was also sitting in some Coke, and was being licked on her foot by Chibi Chibi. Oh,
that must taste good.

CROW: Hey, Chibi Chibi! If you think that tastes good, check out "The Test"!
(Tom's head explodes immediately, although comes back together a few seconds later, and begins to wail on Crow.)
TOM: NEVER EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT FANFIC NAME IN MY PRESENCE EVER AGAIN!
CROW: Ouch! Ouch! Sorry! Ouch! Ouch!
FALCON: Pissing off everyone today, huh Crow?
CROW: Bite me! Ouch!
S.KNIGHT: Okay, Tom. Calm down.

Rei was sitting in a rather normal position, under Usagi's low table. Makoto was rubbing her bruised
rear end from Ami's kicking.

FALCON: That should teach you a thing or two!

Setsuna was just standing in a corner, staying out of everyone's way. Chibiusa and Artemis were by the window, which was boarded up for some reason. Hotaru was hugging her glaive on one side of the
room. Everyone was staring at two people....Haruka and Michiru. Somehow, they were wearing the
same thing.

TUXEDO: What is this, twin day?

They were sharing the same clothes.

CROW (Michiru): I know! I'll wear my girlfriend today!
S.KNIGHT: Crow...

"Ooh, kinky," said Minako.

* * * * *

FALCON: The section's over!
(Everyone starts to dance with joy!)
TUXEDO: We beat the section!
TOM: Jupiter Knight didn't get us! Yippee!
CROW: We rule the world!
S.KNIGHT: Okay, let's just finish the fanfic and get it over with.
(Everyone returns to their seats.)

Evil Guy sat around his place, however a four dimensional being sits, pondering his next move.

TOM (Evil Guy): Hmm, should I take the Queen, or the Bishop?

He really couldn't think of anything.
"I hate evil character's block," he said.

TUXEDO (Evil Character's Block): Well, we don't really like you either, so nyeah!

Next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension:

Usagi: Er, who are they?
Rei: Those guys are yellow.
Makoto: Weird.

FALCON: Uh, Tom?
TOM: What?

Minako: That fat guy really looks out of place in a seifuku.
Ami: That's an understatement.
Haruka: Rather disgusting.

FALCON: Earlier, when you said something about the Simpsons...
TOM: You...you don't think...

Michiru: Looks like he's drinking beer, too.
Hotaru: He would probably slice open just like a whale.
Chibiusa: Ewww...but you have a point.

FALCON: They were inserted into Part 9.
OTHERS: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chibi Chibi: Chibi.
Setsuna: I did not see this coming.
Mamoru: But what about that woman? How can hair stand up like that?

CROW: A wig. Your point?

Luna: This is horrible.
Artemis: I'd rather face Queen Beryl again.
Diana: I think I'm going to throw up.

TUXEDO: Believe me, we're very close to dong that.

Okay, are you intrigued? Heheheheh.

S.KNIGHT: No, and work on your evil laugh.

What's going to happen? Is it even more plotless than this part? Is that even possible?

TOM: Hey, you proved it this chapter.

Well, send your comments and guesses at what the next part will be to me at jarcher@direct.ca. And for those of you who still don't understand what's going on, try not to think too hard. This is a parody :)

FALCON (Jupiter Knight): A parody...of DEATH! Hehehehehe...*cough* *cough* ...I need some Tylenol.
TUXEDO: And thus, this chapter of the horrendous tale of Evil Guy comes to a close.
TOM: Thank the powers that be!
(The transparent screen disappears into the river once again, while the seats sink into the ground. Now wary of this, the heroes get up immediately when it starts to happen.)

@@@@@

THE WORLD OF GLENIDIA

As the screen finished disappearing into the water, the heroes took a much-needed stretch. Watching the last part of the fanfic had been very taxing upon them. After a moment or two, Genvira appeared before them once more. "So, how are you holding up?" she asked.

"We're doing okay, I guess," Falcon Knight responded. "That last part was really...BAD!"

"No argument here," added Tom. "I still don't know how my head survived all that stress!"

"I'm glad that it did," said Tuxedo Alex. "We don't have any extra heads to install."

"Anyway," said Genvira, "now is the time to take a break from your trials."

Sailor Silver Knight smiled. "Thank you so much! But...does that mean we have more of this crap trap to go through?"

"One more part I'm afraid," Genvira responded. "But that can wait until later."

"So what do we do in the meantime?" asked Crow. "I mean, don't get me wrong, but just looking at the scenery for an hour isn't something I do regularly."

"Yes you do," interjected Tuxedo Alex. "You stare at the Satellite walls day in and day out looking for your mother!"

Crow growled. "You just won't leave that alone, will you?"

Stifling her giggles, Genvira produced five orbs from her hands. The heroes and Bots looked on at the Goddess in awe. The orbs then floated to the group, flying around in a circular formation. "Each of you take one," Genvira stated.

Each person grabbed a floating ball out of the air as Genvira said to do. (Except for Tom, for his arms didn't work. Crow attached the Tom's orb to the top of his dome.) "What are these things?" asked Alex.

"These are what I call 'Dream Orbs'," Genvira explained. "These are of my own creation. All you need to do is to hold them in the palm of your hand. Then, think of what you want to do the most, and the orb shall make it reality."

"Really?" asked Falcon Knight and Crow, looking at their orbs suggestively.

Genvira sighed. "It will not produce naked women for pleasurable experiences. Even I have my limits."

"Damn," the hentai duo said together, disappointed.

"You can go as far as you'd like in this land," Genvira explained. "Just remember that you shall be teleported back to this central location when it is time to view Part 9 of the fanfic. Until then, enjoy yourself." And with that, Genvira once again disappeared from view.

@@@@@

LATER

Tuxedo Alex sat upon the green grass, wondering what he wanted to do the most. There were so many possibilities that the orb could fulfill that he had trouble choosing which he was most interested in. A few yards away, however, three bodies had no troubles on what they wanted.

"Come on, Alex!" said a voice from afar. "You gonna sit there all day? Come on, we're having the time of our lives!"

Falcon Knight was lying on a massage table, receiving a dream massage from WWF star Chyna. Alex never knew what Falcon exactly saw in the muscle bound woman, but as long as he was happy, that was all that mattered. Next to Falcon, Tom and Crow were receiving similar treatment from Ms. Kitty and Terri Runnels respectively. "A little more oil on the dome, Kitty?" asked Tom, practically in ecstasy.

"Oh yes," Ms. Kitty responded seductively. "Anything for you, Tommy."

"Isn't this great, Tom?" Crow beamed. "We get our dream girls, Bird Boy gets his dream monkey, everything's going great!"

Falcon Knight bolted up from the table. "What did you call 'my' Chyna?!?"

Chyna rested her hand on Adam's shoulder. "Come on, Adam, you're tense," Chyna said in a low voice. "Let me loosen you up a bit." Not one to turn down something as wonderful as this, Falcon happily went back down on the table.

Shaking his head and smiling at the group, Tuxedo Alex stood up. He then realized that there was only on thing that he really wanted to do at the moment. "Take me to see Michelle," he said to the orb. Within seconds, the hero disappeared from sight.

@@@@@

SECONDS LATER

Tuxedo Alex found himself in a completely new location, miles away from where he was originally. Looking around, he saw a fenced area in front of him. Within it, he saw his beloved Silver Knight upon a white horse, jumping hurdles that she created from the orb. Alex remembered once that Silver told him that she loved to ride horseback. She said it calmed her nerves.

Alex watched intently as she jumped the hurdles with her horse. She looked so majestic atop her mighty steed, the jumps nearly touching the sky. He wished he could join her. He forgot momentarily he held that special orb...

Michelle was surprised to see another horse appear in the fenced pen she created. It was brown in color, with white spots upon it's back. However, she was not interested in the spots as what else was upon it's back. Tuxedo Alex managed to inadvertently wish himself to join his love. Not that he minded, of course.

Silver's horse trotted over to where Alex was. "Alex," she said, somewhat surprised, yet somewhat contented. "what are you doing here?"

Alex smiled. "I just felt like seeing you," he said happily. "Care to have a little race?"

Silver Knight displayed a competitive smirk on her face. "You're on."

The fence disappearing, the two lined up side by side. On the count of three, the steeds began to gallop fast. The thrill of the race surged through the two heroes as they raced across the path.

For some reason, however, the horses never seemed to run at different speeds. They were always running neck and neck, never giving up the lead to the other. When Silver noticed this, she got an idea. "Care to take this 'race' up in the air?" she yelled to her competitor.

"You read my mind!" Tuxedo yelled back.

Both wishing simultaneously, both their horses managed to grow wings and a horn on their foreheads, become full-fledged Pegasus. The newly winged-horses then took to the air, soaring to heights unimaginable.

After a few minutes though, both combatants noticed the same problem they face when they were on the ground. The horses were both going fast, but they were going the same speeds. Neither one seemed to want to go faster than the other. It was like they had minds of their own.

A few more minutes of thi8s passed, and both Alex and Michelle decided to call it a draw. "Do you want to land, now?" Silver yelled to the other racer.

"I have a better idea!" Alex screamed back.

Tuxedo Alex had wished for the two Pegasus to unite into one winged-horse. In an instant, there was only one horse in the sky, with Alex at the reigns, and Silver Knight holding onto his waist for balance. "What the..." Silver said aloud.

"Talk about being a prince on a white horse, huh?" Alex said to her.

Both laughing and enjoying the ride, they rode the winged steed far into the sky...

@@@@@

LATER

Night had fallen on the world of Glenidia. Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight had tied the Pegasus to a tree to keep it stationary, while they themselves enjoyed watching the moons of Glenidia in each other's arms.

"This is the most fun I had in ages," Alex said, a huge smile on his face.

"Me too," Michelle responded. "I just wish that we could do this more often."

"Well, at least we were able to do this at least once," Alex said, looking at the bright side of their current situation. "But I'm so glad I got to spend it with you."

Silver smiled. "There's nothing I'd rather do than spend moment like this with you, my love."

"My dearest," Alex whispered.

Their lips met for a sweet embrace. Both wished that one day, they could enjoy moments like this forever. Little did they know that their orbs were glowing slightly when they thought that.

Little did they also know that Genvira had managed to teleport them back to their starting location. As their lips parted, they saw an unwelcome sight of Falcon Knight and the Bots laughing their heads off.

"Oh no," Alex muttered to himself.

"Not again," Michelle muttered.

"Are you sure you haven't set a wedding date yet?" Tom asked.

Behind them, Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight heard sounds of someone clearing their throat for attention. They just noticed that Genvira was with them. "Anyway, shall we get to Part 9 now?" she asked.

The group agreed to get it over with, going over to the chairs that appeared from the ground once more. As the screen appeared, Genvira disappeared, leaving Falcon Knight and the Bots to finish questioning the couple of what they did during their break...

@@@@@

FANFIC

FALCON: So, you really enjoyed your time off, eh Silver?
S.KNIGHT: Adam, HUSH!
CROW: So was it just a peck, or a full tongue lock?
TOM: Come on! We really wanna know!
TUXEDO: Would you three just shut up!
CROW: Do we have to?
OTHERS: YES!!!
CROW: Sorry...

Ah, only 3 1/2 weeks until I start a new job,

TOM (Jupiter Knight): You want fries with that?

so until then, I get to play around with the computer, which means fanfics (hopefully).

FALCON: You know, you can do other fanfics BESIDES this one.

As I write this, I am listening to Hayashibara Megumi's Bertemu CD.

TUXEDO: There's a song riff in here somewhere...
S.KNIGHT: Do you know Hayashibara Megumi's songs?
TUXEDO: If I did, there'd be a song riff in here somewhere...

And LeVar, if you're reading this, RIP :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)

Part 9 - 20th Century Fox Presents...

ALL: (Doing the 20 Century Fox fanfare.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last time on EGFAD:

CROW: Evil-Guy Grows Fat And Dies!
TOM: Really?
FALCON: We wish.

Everyone was stuck in a dark room and there was sticky stuff.

TUXEDO (Luna): I told them not to play with Elmer's Glue in the dark, but NOOOOOOOOOOO, they wouldn't listen!

It was also a rather interesting sight to see Haruka and Michiru sharing the same clothes.

CROW: I'll say!
S.KNIGHT: Crow, for sanity's sake, please cut down on the hentai. Please.

* * * * *

"Brilliant, just brilliant!" exclaimed Evil Guy. He had a brilliant revelation.

TOM (Singing): Let go of me, take my REVELATION!

He knew exactly who could humiliate the Sailor Senshi.

FALCON: Their parents!
TUXEDO (Rei's Grandfather): And this was little Rei when she was only three! She looks so cute naked on the bare skin rug!

Three men in suits walked into Evil Guy's trendy downtown bachelor's suite in another dimension. They introduced themselves.

FALCON: Hewy.
S.KNIGHT: Dewy.
TUXEDO: Louie.
FALCON: We're Donald Duck's bodyguards. Step aside so he can pass.
CROW: Wow, Disney sure gets around lately.

"My name is Mr. F," said the first man.
"I'm Mr. O," said the second.
"And I'm Mr. X," said the last.
"Together, we are the Fox Network executives in charge of alternative programming!" the exclaimed
together.

TOM (Executives): And in the name of alternative programming, we'll air "When Evil Guys Get Attacked!"

"Good, very good. What do you propose?" asked Evil Guy.

FALCON (Executives): Will you marry us?
CROW (Evil Guy): A marriage to three people? That's bigamy!
FALCON (Executives): No, it's big of us!

"You'll see, oh great multi-dimensioned one."

TUXEDO (Evil Guy): Flattery will get you nowhere, Fox boy.

* * * * *

"I have a feeling something strange is going to happen," said Rei.
"Oh? How so?" asked Makoto.

S.KNIGHT (Rei): Plot shall be inserted in the story.

"Multi-coloured streaks and yellow people," said Rei.

TOM: All that and more, today on Jerry Springer!

"Jaundice?" asked Ami. "Jaundiced people with wildly dyed hair?"
"Could be," answered Minako.
"Probably," shrugged Rei.

CROW: Really?
FALCON: Maybe.
TUXEDO: Surely, but not absolutely.

* * * * *

LeVar Bouyer was walking down the street, minding his own business, when a cat and mouse lunged at
him. Itchy and Scratchy wielded chain saws and axes with skill.

FALCON: Cripes! Wasn't he mentioned at the beginning?
S.KNIGHT: I guess Jupiter Knight got a flame he won't soon forget...

First, they chopped LeVar's arms off, then dropped a very large, broken window on his head, severing
his left ear.

CROW: Vincent Van Gogh, eat your heart out.

A spinning sawmill blade flew towards him and chopped him in half at the waist. Itchy drove a couple
nails through both of LeVar's eyes, then to finish him off, Scratchy threw him in a giant food processor
and turned him into a nice pinkish-red sauce.

TUXEDO: Guys, I think it's only fitting to have a moment of silence for our departed friend, LeVar Bouyer.
(The group is silent for a little bit.)
TOM: How long has it been?
TUXEDO: Six seconds.
TOM: Okay, I'm done.
(The rest just sigh.)

* * * * *

Chibiusa sighed. "When is Puu coming to get us?"

FALCON: Mr. Hankey told us to meet him here an hour ago!
CROW: Damn, JK keeps leaving himself WIDE open for these "Puu" jokes!

Diana shrugged, "Maybe she forgot."
"This sucks.

S.KNIGHT: I don't blame you, Chibi-usa. Not a bit.
TUXEDO: What, her current situation?
S.KNIGHT: Oh, I thought she was talking about the fanfic! Never mind.

Stuck in the 21st century with no one to talk to."
"What am I? Dog bait?"

TOM: All of the sudden, a ravenous wolf charged at the unsuspecting kitten, ripping it to shreds. Her question had unfortunately been answered. The end.
TUXEDO: So, what's on Saturday Anime?
FALCON: What time is it on this week?

* * * * *

"Who the hell are you?" asked a 10 year old yellow boy with spiky hair.

FALCON: Hewy.
S.KNIGHT: Dewy.
TUXEDO: Lou...
CROW: Okay, it's been done.

"We are the Fox Network executives in charge of alternative programming."
"Fox Network? Pffff," said Homer.

TOM: Eewww, Homer cut one!
FALCON (Mr. Hankey): HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEY HO!
S.KNIGHT: That was forced. Admit it.

"We have brought you here for a very important task."

CROW (Knight Who Says "Ni"): We want you to bring...a SHRUBBERY!

"I'm not doing anything for Fox," said Homer.
"You people keep putting those violent caught on tape shows on TV.

TUXEDO: When Jerry Springer Goes To Far!
TOM: When Animals Get Sexually Transmitted Diseases!
FALCON: When Compact Discs Inflict Paper Cuts!
CROW: All these tapes and more available from the Fox Network and "Evil Guy Products!"
S.KNIGHT: Order now, and receive "When Yeast Doesn't Rise In Bread!"

I don't want any part of this," said Lisa.
"Hey, I like those shows!" exclaimed Bart.

FALCON (Bart): All right! Go yeast! Show that bread whose boss!

"Kids, no fighting in front of the kind Fox Network executives," said Marge.
Maggie sucked on

(Crow opens his mouth. All the heroes soon point their weapons of destruction at his head. Even Tom is giving him a dirty look.)
S.KNIGHT: Don't even THINK about it!
(Crow closes his mouth, and they continue to riff the fanfic.

her pacifier.
"We have a certain mission for you.

CROW (Knight Who Says Ni): We want you to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest...with a HERRING!
TUXEDO: Much better.

You are to confront the Sailor Senshi and distract them, while we put our plan into action."
"Sailor......sushi?" asked Homer.

TOM (Homer): Mmmm...sushi...

"Senshi. It's a Japanese word for something.

S.KNIGHT: (Sighs) Soldiers, people! Sailor "Soldiers"!
TUXEDO: Let it go, dear. Let it go.

Not sure what, but we're only American television executives, so we know nothing of other cultures."
"Yeah, fishbulb," said Bart.
"We'll give you beer," said Mr. F.
"We'll do it!" exclaimed Homer.

CROW (Bart): All right!
FALCON (Homer): Not you, boy.

* * * * *

S.KNIGHT: The greatest brains in the universe meet to discuss how to get grease stains out of their clothing.

"Chibi chibi."
"Chibi chibi-chan, shut up," said Usagi.

TUXEDO (Chibi-Chibi): Chibi-up!
FALCON: Don't start that up again!

"Usagi-chan, what are you doing?" asked Minako.
"Oh, just hanging some clothes to dry," said Usagi, while hanging Chibi Chibi on the clothes line.

TOM: As the noose tightened, a sigh of relief escaped Usagi's lips. She would never have to hear the word "chibi" again. The end.
TUXEDO: Always the dark one, eh Tom?

"We're in the middle of Yokohama Chinatown," said Rei.
"So?"
Minako started to remove her shirt, revealing her pert

TOM: ...Plus Shampoo?
CROW: Shut up! I wanna see this!
TUXEDO: That does it. YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE!
(Hundreds of roses are fired at the screen, much to the relief of the Bots, who are cowering in their seats.)

*whap!* must stay...PG.....

FALCON: Hey, how come you did that?
TUXEDO: If we can control this thing, it's about time that it goes my way!

* * * * *

"So, what do you want to do today?" asked Michiru.
"I thought we could stop watching this exercise show on TV," said Haruka.

CROW (Harkua watching exercise show): Boobs go up, boobs go down! Boobs go up...
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
CROW: Okay! I'm tired of passing through that screen!

"We have an uninvited guest again," sighed Michiru.
"I'm Oe Kintaro,

TOM: Cripes! Shao Kahn sent his evil minions against us again!
TUXEDO: No, I think we can assume that it's from another anime.
FALCON: Which would be...
TUXEDO: ...I have no idea.

a 25 year old student of life. I like to travel around, getting part time jobs, and learn about the ways of life," said one perverted law school dropout.
"And hug women's toilets," said Hotaru.

TOM (Kintaro): (While hugging toilet) Oh, my goddess sits here!
CROW (Mr. Hankey): HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEY...
S.KNIGHT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Should I take care of him?"
"Sure, go ahead," said Haruka.
"Come, boy. Meet my pointy glaive again," grinned Hotaru.

CROW (Kintaro): Oh, hi pointy glaive. My name is KintyeeeOOOOUUUCH!

* * * * *

"Now, it's time to put our plan into effect," said Mr. X.
"Throw the switch!" exclaimed Mr. F.

TUXEDO: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
S.KNIGHT: What is it?
TUXEDO: The fanfic is sending us another fanfic!
FALCON (Dr. F.): Send them the fanfic, Frank!
TUXEDO: (Belts Falcon over the head.) Don't DO THAT!

Mr. O turns on the patented Fox NHL coverage puck tracker.

TOM: What?
CROW: Great. Are they going to highlight the plot so it's more obvious?

"Now, see the brilliant stupidity of this infernal machine!" exclaimed Mr. F.

* * * * *

Through some strange turn of events, all the Senshi converge in one spot, somewhere in Juuban.

FALCON: The Adventures of Alice Through the Plot Hole end here...

"Awwwwww sh...." started Sailor Moon.
"It isn't our day," said Sailor Mercury.
"Ew, those guys are yellow," said Sailor Venus.
"You! You brought us here!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.

S.KNIGHT: Don't look at us, Uranus. Blame Genvira.

"How dare you interrupt our affectionate petting and foreplay!" exclaimed Sailor Neptune.

CROW: You mean you saw me looking through the keyhole...I mean, uh, nice day, isn't it?
TUXEDO: Crow!

Homer drooled.
"They're gay!" exclaimed Bart. "Woo baby!"

TUXEDO: Bart Simpson, Grasper of the Obvious.

"Excuse my moronic brother. I believe in equal rights for homosexuals," said Lisa.
"Lisa, you're too young for this," said Marge.

CROW: So are we, but are we excused? No! We're still here!
S.KNIGHT: Simmer down, gold boy.

"Never mind that, I am Sailor Moon! For bringing us here, I will not forgive you for taking me away
from my double scoop chocolate ice cream cone!

FALCON: So, that's what she calls Mamoru these days.
OTHERS: ADAM!

Tsuki ni kawatte oshioki yo!"
"Mmmmm, ice cream......" gurgled Homer.
Suddenly, a white glow surrounded each of our heroes' hands.

(A white glow surrounds the hands of Tuxedo Alex, S.Knight, and Falcon Knight as well.)
TUXEDO: The f(BLEEP)ck?
S.KNIGHT: Uh, story? Can you be a LITTLE more specific?

"What the hell?" muttered Sailor Jupiter.
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!" exclaimed Sailor Venus. However, her attack was surrounded by a red
streak. "Eh?"

FALCON: Let me try something. (He unsheathes the Falcon Fire-Fan.) FALCON FIRE FLASH!
(A huge stream of flames spring forward from his weapon, however, a red streak surrounds his attack as well.)
FALCON: Hey, cool!
TOM: Not really. (He coughs up smoke, for he was caught in the blast.)

In another sudden action, the Fox Network executives appeared before the group and explained.

S.KNIGHT: "And then it appeared out of nowhere!"
TUXEDO: Hey, no lemon flashbacks!...Wait a second, Michelle?
S.KNIGHT: I'm allowed one or two, aren't I?

"You see, to help our viewers, who don't have the intelligence to track a black puck on a TV screen, we
put a white glow around the puck during hockey games. When they passed it, there was a blue streak,
when they shot, there was a red streak. We applied this to your attacks, so our extremely uneducated
Fox Network viewers can track your attacks."

CROW (Homer): What an age we live in!

"Uh-huh," said Sailor Moon.
"Deep Submerge!" exclaimed Sailor Neptune. An aqua ball of energy, surrounded by a red streak, struck
the executives, killing them instantly.

TUXEDO: When Fox Executives Turn to Dust!

"Well, that was sort of useless," said Sailor Mars.
"Shall we take care of our jaundiced friends now?" asked Sailor Mercury.

TOM: Let's nurse them back to health!
S.KNIGHT: But the Simpsons weren't even scratched.
TOM: Details, details...

"Yes, we shall," said Sailor Moon.
"WAIT!" exclaimed Lisa. "Can't we come to a peaceful settlement?"

FALCON: (singing) We come in peace, shot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, we come in peace, shoot to kill, Scotty, beam me up!

"What do you say?" asked Luna, who isn't a Sailor Senshi, so she shouldn't be there, as only the Sailor Senshi were brought together, so why isn't Sailor Chibi Moon here, or why aren't the Sailor Starlights or the Asteroid Senshi here, or what about Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon, or maybe the Sailor Animamates, and
don't you think this is a long runon sentence that just seems to go on and on and on, but shouldn't Sailor Saturn be paying attention, or maybe she's going through an age change, and where's Sailor Pluto when
you need her, maybe she's looking for Chibiusa, and should I stop this sentence now?

TOM: (Starts to smoke) Too...too many words...to much to compre...prepreprepreprehendendendend... YAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGH!
(Tom's head explodes again, sending Hanukkah Gelt everywhere, but the process is reversed once more, and his head remains intact.)
S.KNIGHT: Well, that's a first. There's too MUCH to comprehend in a JK fanfic than too little.

"That tired me out," said Sailor Moon.
"Sorry, I will return the Simpsons to their own universe, although it doesn't seem to have much
continuity, just like this fanfic," said the author. "Run All the Way is a cool song."

ALL: YAAAAAGH!
CROW: It's a...a SELF INSERTION!
TOM: ANYTHING BUT THAT!
(The three heroes get up from their seats and get ready to attack the screen again.)
TUXEDO: That does it! He's crossed the line!
S.KNIGHT: No more will he be able to taunt us with this crappy story!
FALCON: He's goin' down, baby!
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE...
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
FALCON: FALCON FIRE...
HEROES: UNIFICATION!!!!!
(In a bright flash of light, surrounded by a red streak, the heroes unleash their three attacks together, converging onto one central location. As the three come together, a huge beam of white light collides onto the screen. Lightning cackles all around the area, and totally encircles the fanfic. After a moment of this, the lightning fades, the heroes stop, and return to their seats.)
CROW: Hey, the fanfic's still there!
TOM: You didn't do a damn thing.
FALCON: Au contraire, my friend.
S.KNIGHT: We removed the author's connection to the fanfic. This story is on it's own, now.

The Simpsons disappear and the Senshi all rejoice...except that they still have glowing white hands.
"Excuse me, but can you get rid of this damn glow?!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.
I'm sorry, but we cannot complete your call. Please hang up and try again.

TUXEDO: Yes! Case and point!
FALCON: But...now JK can't get rid of this glow...
S.KNIGHT: Yeah, well...minor triviality. We'll worry about it later.

* * * * *

Next time on The Evil Guy From Another Dimension:

CROW: More lesbian porn!
TUXEDO: What are you talking about?
TOM: There wasn't any lesbian porn in this part.
CROW: I know, but when I get bored, I make up my own fanfic.
S.KNIGHT: The Simpsons are rubbing off on him.

Usagi: That was rather pointless.
Mamoru: Eh.

FALCON: I never knew Mamoru was from Canada!

Ami: Poor LeVar.
Jen: Now he can't finish writing my story.
Eileen: Jen, can we get out of here and go have sex now?

CROW: And more importantly, can I watch?
OTHERS: (groan)

Haruka: *sob* He hates me.
Rei: Oh, weren't we supposed to say what's going on next time?
Makoto: Yeah. What is going to happen?
Seiya: I hope I get some action next time.
Setsuna: I can't seem to get in contact with the author. Can't complete the call.

(Everyone has big grins on their faces.)

Minako: Typical.

Well, that's it.

ALL: YES! YES! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's the last part of Evil Guy

CROW: Do you hear that? The last part!
FALCON: We beat the fanfic!
TUXEDO: After all this time...

that I'll do this week.

S.KNIGHT: Oh, DAMN YOU JUPITER KNIGHT!
TUXEDO: Just see if you can last a few more minutes.

And thanks to LeVar for letting us people on #moonscribe kill him off in our next fanfics. It was fun. Let's do it again sometime :)

TOM: I know it's kinda late, but...(Stan) Oh my God! They killed LeVar!
CROW (Kyle): You bastard!

Um, my e-mail is jarcher@direct.ca if you just happen to want to e-mail me, but I don't know why you'd
want to.

FALCON: Neither do we, but we flame him anyway.
TOM: And that concludes our training!
TUXEDO: Well, you all know what comes next.
CROW: Yep. Back to prison.
S.KNIGHT: It was nice while it lasted, though.
(The screen disappears back into the river from whence it came. Standing up, the chairs once again disappear into the ground. The training is complete.)

@@@@@

THE WORLD OF GLENIDIA

For the group, it seemed that the world seemed to fade away from them as the fanfic ended. Within an instant, the heroes and the Bots were standing in empty space, no longer surrounded by the beautiful scenery they once saw. Faintly, they heard a voice from the distance. "Your training has been completed, my children," said the voice, obviously Genvira. "Our paths may cross again, but until then, be strong, and don't let the forces of evil overcome you..."

@@@@@

SATELLITE OF LOVE

(The heroes and the Bots appear back upon the bridge of the SOL about five minutes after the Bots departed from Deep 13 1/3.)

TUXEDO: (Looking at his surroundings.) Well, we're back...unfortunately.
TOM: Hey, even though it was really cool to be somewhere else, this is the only home we know.
CROW: Yeah, so don't diss it too much!
FALCON: All right...but it still sucks.
TOM: Yeah, you're right...
S.KNIGHT: Do you think we should call the Mads and tell them we're okay?
TUXEDO: Why not? They're gonna find out sooner or later. Lets give the Puma Twins a call.

(Pressing the call button, Dr. Forrester appears on the hexfield, with TV's Frank beside him on the ground, writhing in pain. He is facing the Fanfic Sender, ready to burn it up in seconds.)

FRANK: Sure thing Steve...ow...
DR. F.: Anyway, I...(He turns around to see his view screen with his guinea pigs all in one place.) Boobies! You're back! Where the hell did you go off to?
TUXEDO: Well...hell, it'd be too long to explain.
CROW: Yeah, with your inferior mind, it would take to long to comprehend it!
TOM: Look who's talking!
CROW: Shut up!
TOM: No, you shut up!
S.KNIGHT: Guys!
DR. F.: Well, for your departure, you shall receive a big punishment! You made me think you were telling the government of your experiments! I was destroying evidence left and right! How dare you!
FRANK: Hey Doc? My left butt-cheek fell off...
DR. F.: SILENCE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HAVING AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING SPEECH HERE, FRANK?
FRANK: ......
DR. F.: Frank?
FRANK: ......
DR. F.: Oh, well, I'll fix him later. Anyway, all the other fanfics I sent you before were just child's play! Soon you will see the true extent of my wrath! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (The hexfield cuts off.)
FALCON: Great, we're gonna get worse fanfics now!
TUXEDO: (Smiling) I'm not worried.
TOM: Are you nuts?
CROW: He must be. He's gonna fry come next fanfic!
TUXEDO: Geez, have you forgotten your training already? We're gonna get through every single fanfic Dr. F. sends us. At least I will, for I know that we have someone watching over us. Someone who is good, and pure. Someone who will help us in times of need. And I believe she's the one who will free us. Whatever Forrester sends us, it won't compare to the moment that we finally get off this dog bone. The moment we'll really be free...
TOM: I still say he's nuts.
S.KNIGHT: (sigh) You guys...

@@@@@

Author's Notes

Finally, this MST is done! And on Christmas Eve, too! (Well, the time I'm writing this, anyway. I don't know exactly when it shall be posted, but still, it's done!) I have to say that this took a LONG time to riff and write. I wanted to close out the existing chapters of Evil Guy to work on other projects, and I figured that this was the best way to do it. I definitely hope you like the riffs I made, and I really liked the "Evil Guy Products" angle.

Reflecting over the host segments, a lot of thought went into these. I wanted to turn this into a huge epic-like adventure rather than "Back in the theater, guys." I definitely hoped I succeeded in that vein. I also felt that expanding the romance between Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight was nice. Please note that all the riffers (besides Tom and Crow) are based on people I know in real life. The real life Silver Knight and Falcon Knight are my best friends in the entire world. Without them, I don't know where I'd be, or what I'd be doing right now. I thank them both from the bottom of my hearts.

And so, I go to work on riffing either one of two projects: 1) A Sailor Moon / Pokémon lemon crossover, or 2) a fanfic by DR. THINKER!!!!! Either or. I'll keep you posted! And hopefully, I'll crank these babies out on a more than regular basis. Take care!

More Disclaimers

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.

Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.

Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)

Stinger: Everyone was staring at two people....Haruka and Michiru. Somehow, they were wearing the same thing. They were sharing the same clothes.