Ah, what a night! Kyle had himself another fine night of wine, women and song! Personally, I think I overdid it on...
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 17: SAILOR MOON MEET HER BOOKS AUTHOR (BY DR. THINKER)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Sailor Moon Meet Her Books Author" belongs to Dr. Thinker and he's welcome to it. The riffing of this piece is not meant to insult the author, or the piece itself. It was all done with fun in mind, and is meant to be taken lightly.
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SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex is on the bridge, as well as Tom and Crow in the background. Both of the Bots are currently laughing their heads off about Tuxedo's current attire, which simply is a white muscle shirt, and black sweatpants.)
TUXEDO: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to the Satellite of Love! I suppose you're wondering why I'm not in my "normal" attire, as it were...
CROW: (Whistles) Lookin' good there, Sans-Cape Boy! (The Bots are in hysterics.)
TUXEDO: Shut up! Anyway, if you remember our Y3K problem from last time, the Bots decided to test out Y4K, Y5K, and Y6K on us...
TOM: Gotta love that cheese!
CROW: And the whipped cream!
TOM: And the sour crout!
TUXEDO: Guys!
(Falcon Knight enters the bridge, also in a muscle shirt and black sweatpants.)
FALCON: I'm going to reprogram the main clock, okay?
TUXEDO: Fine, fine. Anyway, so all these fountains came out, spraying all kinds of gunk everywhere, totally soiling our uniforms. They're being pressed by Gypsy right now. But until then...
FALCON: All Tom and Crow gave us to wear are these stupid, old clothes!
TOM: Hey, just so you know, those are Joel's old work clothes!
TUXEDO: And you just so happened to give Silver the bottom of the barrel?
CROW: But she looks good in them!
S.KNIGHT: (From the back) I'm not coming out!
FALCON: (Yelling to the back) Silver, it's okay! We already explained this to Bots!
TUXEDO: (To Falcon) I don't think so. Crow already made a pass at me.
CROW: Bite me!
TUXEDO: You would!
FALCON: So, Plan B then?
TUXEDO: (Grins Maniacally) Lets.
(Falcon reaches behind Crow, and flips a small switch. Alex does the same for Tom. Crow's eyes and Tom's dome both go dark.)
TOM: Hey, what the...
CROW: I can't see anything!
TUXEDO: Good. (To the back) You can come out, Michelle! The Peanut Gallery's subdued!
S.KNIGHT: (From the back.) Okay. Please be kind...
(Sailor Silver Knight enters the bridge in a white tank top, and blue shorts that reach down to just above her knees.)
S.KNIGHT: Are you sure that there are no other clothes on this stupid Satellite?
FALCON: Well, that's what the Bots told us...
TUXEDO: Either way, you don't look as bad as you think.
S.KNIGHT: I feel kind of better since the Bots can't see me...
TOM: I'm blind! What does she look like?
CROW: Is she wearing the thong I left her?
S.KNIGHT: The WHAT?!?
TUXEDO: (Sigh) We'll be right back...
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
(The Bots are moping around in a corner of the bridge. Tuxedo Alex, Sailor Silver Knight, and Falcon Knight are smiling all the while.)
S.KNIGHT: Do you know when our uniforms will be ready?
FALCON: Gypsy said it'll take a couple more hours for them to be finished.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, but the sooner I feel more covered, the better.
TUXEDO: You look fine for the time being, Silver. Truth be told, I feel somewhat naked without my tux.
CROW: (Springing up) Did someone say naked?
TUXEDO: Not that kind of naked!
CROW: Oh. (Goes back to moping)
(The message lights on the SOL begin to flash.)
TUXEDO: Well, looks like Hiro Yui and Duo Maxwell are calling.
S.KNIGHT: Really? Duo!!!
FALCON: The Mads, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: I know, but I can dream, can't I?
(Tuxedo Alex presses the button, as Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank appear on the screen. Both are making final checks outside what seems to be a giant foot. Frank is holding a clip board, checking off what is in place.)
DR. F.: Mutiple gun turrets?
FRANK: Check!
DR. F.: Thermal-scythe?
FRANK: Check!
DR. F.: And finally, Frank, is the darn thing water-proof?
FRANK: Check, and Double Check, Steve!
DR. F.: Good, my #1 lacky! (Turns to face the screen.) Oh, hello my...hmmm, did I catch you at a bad time?
TUXEDO: Skip the jokes, Doc. Blame all those fountains!
DR. F.: Okay, okay. Well, have I got something to show you this week! Frank, board the Gundam while I pan the camera out.
FRANK: Sure thing, Doc!
S.KNIGHT: Did he just say...Gundam?
FALCON: I got a weird feeling about this...
(The camera is moved back to show a huge robot in the bowels of the laboratory. It looks exactly like the Gundam: Wing Zero. Frank gets in while Dr. F. is explaining.)
DR. F.: As you all well know, the Gundams are giant robots that are built for the purposes of battle. The pilot by name of Hiro lays claim to the Gundams Wing and Wing Zero. And so, I have decided to expand upon this wonderful franchise with my Gundam: Wing 1/2! (Takes out a walkie-talkie and starts to speak in it.) Ready, Frank?
FRANK: As I ever was!
HEROES: ......
TUXEDO: This...this better not be what I think it is...
DR. F.: Pay attention This Gundam looks exactly like Wing Zero. But observe...
(Forrester proceeds to splash it with a bucket of cold water. The Gundam suddenly changes into a feminine robot.)
DR. F.: And voila! Instant female Gundam! With this tool, the opponents of Wing 1/2 will be so lulled by its beauty and charm that Wing 1/2 will have complete control of the battle! This Gundam is INVINCIBLE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The three heroes look at the Gundam, then eachother, then burst out laughing.)
S.KNIGHT: Hah hah hah! You actually believe that "thing" is useful?
TUXEDO: That is the...hahahaha...the STUPIDEST idea you've had in a long time!
FALCON: So, how many fiancées does it have? Heh heh heh!
TOM: What's going on? What's this about females?
TUXEDO: Trust me, you don't want to know.
DR. F.: You dare to mock me? Mock MY brilliance?!? Well then, I guess we should start the experiment a little early, now shall we?
FRANK: (From the walkie-talkie) Uh, Doc? There's someone in the cockpit with me!
DR. F.: (Ignoring Frank) And believe me, this fanfic is one that WILL make you Think!...er...
ALL: (Drop dead silence)
DR. F.: I believe I've said it all. Ta ta, Magic Knights!
FRANK: (From the walkie-talkie) Doc! There's this guy all over the controls!
VOICE: (From the walkie-talkie) Where the heck am I now? Who are you? Where is Furikan High?!?
(The hexfield cuts off. A few moments of silence pass before anyone says a word.)
CROW: Thinker. I knew ONE of these days, there would be Thinker!
FALCON: I'm not even gonna comment on what the Mads have in that Gundam...
S.KNIGHT: It's going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOONG day...
(The klaxons start going off around the Satellite.)
TUXEDO: And it's not ending yet, cause we got THINKER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
TOM: Where's the Theater?
TUXEDO: Oops, forgot... (The heroes start directing the Bots to their next torment.)
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THEATER
(All the participants take their respective seating. From right to left, Crow, Silver, Tuxedo, Falcon, Tom. Tom and Crow have to be guided to their seats.)
TOM: Hey, since we can't see, we don't have to suffer the fanfic!
CROW: A blessing in disguise!
(Tuxedo and Falcon "remedy" this problem by returning the Bot's eyesight.
BOTS: Aw, (BLEEP)
TUXEDO: Watch the language!
SAILOR MOON AND SAILOR SCOUTS
In
TOM: ...A poorly done piece of mother(BLEEP)ing trash!
TUXEDO: Look, Tom, just because it's by Thinker doesn't mean you have to bash the author.
TOM: I know, but it's THINKER!
TUXEDO: Try to let it go, okay?
"Sailor Moon Meet Her Books Author"
by Dr. Thinker
S.KNIGHT: Does this mean that she's gonna rip Thinker a new one?
FALCON: Trust me, if Thinker wrote a book, than it would be the end of human kind as we know it.
TUXEDO: Guys! I thought I made it clear! No author bashing!
'
Note 1: All characters are owned by Mixx Enterrtaiment, DIC, Teoi, and Naoko Takeuchi.
CROW (Thinker): And Fru Fru, my poodle.
Note 2: This takes place in the animated series, just a year after "Sailor Galixa" is defeated.
CROW: Who's that?
TOM: I think he was trying to say Galaxia, or there's a new season of Sailor Moon in Japan we don't know about.
S.KNIGHT: Really?
TOM: It's just speculation!
S.KNIGHT: Oh.
#############
ALL (Chanting): Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
In a bookstore, some in the city of Japan.
TUXEDO: In the town of Asia, in the state of Earth, in the country of the Solar System, on the continent of the universe...
FALCON: You think that there would be MANY bookstores in Japan, but according to Thinker...
A female long blonde hair that was tied up in twin ponytails
TOM: Was she tied up in a slip knot or a hitch knot?
S.KNIGHT: You know Serena's having a bad day when she gets tangled up in her own hair...
was making a crazy scence there.
CROW: At least it's better than making no sense at all.
Her long arms and legs were knocking books and tripping people.
FALCON: If that's the case, she can knock and trip me anytime!
TUXEDO: ADAM!
"Serena, how old are you?" ask a black hair female.
TOM (Serena): Hotaru, for the last time, I'm not interested!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
"I'm 16. Going on 17, Raye." laughed Serena.
ALL (Singing): I'm just sixteen, going on seventeen, I-I'll take ca-are of you!
"You should know that."
"Well, you making it like you going on 3 years old." retorted Raye.
CROW: Retorted?
FALCON: Big words for the small-minded Thinker.
TUXEDO: Guys, stop the author bashing!
"What in heck are you laughing about?"
S.KNIGHT: They're in Heck now? Did I miss a scene change or something?
She laughed "We going to have Sailor Meeting, this afternoon."
TOM (Serena): We're gonna go "meet" some "sailors", if you know what I mean!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
Raye thought. First thing, get Amy out of that virus section of that computer store,
FALCON: Amy's shopping for computer viruses?
CROW (Amy): Yes, I'll take the one that formats my hard drive, and two little viruses that lock up my mouse!
then get Lita and Mina out that record store.
TUXEDO (Raye): And put them back into the present with CDs and Mini-Discs.
"Darrien picking you up, Serena?" ask Raye.
S.KNIGHT (Serena): Yep! And he's gonna put me down, and pick me up again, and put me down again... (Begins to swoon)
TUXEDO: Silver, come back to reality...
S.KNIGHT: But...but I like it so much here!
"Yes, my dad doesn't mind him anymore." replied a still laughing Serena.
ALL: o_0
TOM: Just like that? Her father doesn't mind a college bound guy taking out his four-year younger daughter?
CROW (Kenji): You know, Darien, you may be a heckuva lot older than my Serena, and might possibly take advantage of her because of her age, but I just don't mind you anymore! Put'er there, pal!
Picking a pink book.
FALCON: ...and? Doc? Little help?
TUXEDO: Me thinks that's as close as we're going to get to a complete sentence.
FALCON: Hey, I thought you said no author bashing!
TUXEDO: I never said Thinker's name!
S.KNIGHT: But you have to admit that you implied it!
TUXEDO: (Grumble)
############################
ALL (Singing): You know my name! Look up the number!
Later, at the Temple, Raye fill in on what happen at the bookstore.
S.KNIGHT (Raye): Serena tied herself up in her own hair, she kept tripping people, we went to Heck for a few seconds, and Serena got a pink book. It was fun.
Serena was walking with Artemis and Luna. Artemis have spend a few days at Serena's house
FALCON (Serena): Ooh, kitty love sweet!
OTHERS: Adam...
FALCON: What! It came from an actual episode!
since Mina was upset about something, but she clam down.
TOM: She clamed down?
CROW: Better than oystering up, I suppose.
But Artemis didn't want to resteamed thing up.
S.KNIGHT: Wait a second...clam, steam...he wrote that on purpose!
TUXEDO: Holy crap! Thinker's purposely writing bad grammar?!?
TOM: Well that settles it. There is no God...
Serena sit down and cafely place a book on the table.
CROW: Okay, make up your mind. Are we at a café, or the temple?
FALCON: ...That was bad.
CROW: I know. *snif*
Amy, Raye, Mina, Darrien and Lita have they mouth drop other.
FALCON (Announcer) And here comes Amy's mouth, and it drops Raye's mouth into the trash can! But here come's Lita's mouth, and...oh, it dropped Darien's mouth off a cliff!
TUXEDO: Adam, lay off the caffeine.
They saw a picture of Serena s Sailor Moon and her black cat with the cresent moon, Luna.
S.KNIGHT: And Fru Fru the poodle.
The title read: Naoko Takeuchi's Sailor Moon. They was a small section that reads: BASED ON THE TV HIT SERIES,
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(The fourth wall klaxons blaze in the theater.)
TOM: Not again!
FALCON: Damn you, Thinker!
TUXEDO: Stop bashing the Doc!
FALCON: You're not doing a good job of stopping yourself either, Tuxy!
TUXEDO: Don't call me Tuxy!
S.KNIGHT: Would you two stop bickering?
CROW: Hey, we unfortunately apologize for all of Thinker's breaks in the fourth wall!
(The klaxons cease.)
FALCON: Tuxy, Tuxy, Tuxy!
TUXEDO: Up yours, up yours, up yours!
S.KNIGHT: GUYS!
FALCON & TUXEDO: Sorry.
S.KNIGHT: I swear, we're gonna need leashes on you two...
before you get the left end of the picture. At the bottom, tey was the company that created th e book,
CROW: Yes, it's Tey! The new Sailor Moon translation company! A subdivision of Evil Guy Products!
TOM: Subscribe to the official Tey newsletter, and receive our free company catalog!
FALCON: Any way you can plug the catalog, huh?
Smile,
ALL: (Have big goofy grins on their faces.)
and the title of this book: "THE POWER OF LOVE" in yellow.
S.KNIGHT (Singing): You got to belieeeee-eeeeeeeve in the pooooooo-wer of love...
FALCON: Damn, he inserted REAL books into this thing?
CROW: Dr. Thinker: Master of Fourth Wall Manipulation
"I dare you to read all of it. I going to check on Raye's grand-pain." Serena said.
"Grand-pain?" ask Amy.
"Since he's alway somewhat of pain to me, I start to talk when Grandpa isn't around as a Grand-pain." states Raye.
TUXEDO: And if you were using him, would he be a Grand-pawn?
TOM: And if he was just a big joke, would he be a Grand-pun?
FALCON: And if he was a horse, would he be a Grand-pony?
CROW: And if you use him as a cooking utensil, would he be a Grand-pan?
S.KNIGHT: And if he was a balloon, and he burst, would he Grand-pop?
TOM: Our Grand joke, ladies and gentlemen!
####################
After checking with Grandpa Hino, who was planting some more Cherry Trees.
FALCON (Grandpa): Okay, this makes it 55 trees today!
TUXEDO (Raye): You Grand-pain! We can't get in the house because you surrounded it with trees!
Serena come back to the temple, to see the Sailor Scouts accidently strangely.
CROW: How can you act strange by accident?
S.KNIGHT: Believe me, you do it all the time.
CROW: I'll have you know that I act strange when I want to!...wait...
Darrien was jump and duck
ALL: 0_o
TOM: Um...tonight, the role of Darien will be played by Jump And Duck?
FALCON: Nice recovery.
trying not to get it by the laughing scout.
"What happen here?" ask Serena
TUXEDO (Darien): What happened? I got replaced by a friggin' jumping duck!
"The book that you give them turn them in laughing scouts." read Darrien.
CROW (Darien): Excuse me while I check the script for my next line.
"I wonder how the Outer Scouts would been done!" laughed Mina.
TOM: I'd say about medium rare.
"I wonder how the Sailor Starlights would been done!" laugh Lita.
S.KNIGHT: I'd have to go with well-done myself.
"I wonder who that little Rabbit, would been done!" laughed Raye.
FALCON: BURNT TO A (BLEEP)ING CRISP!
TUXEDO: C'mon, Chibi-usa isn't that bad. And watch the language.
"I wonder who the rest of Inner ScoutsI would be done." laughed Amy
CROW: A decent translation company, like Mixx Entertainment?
Luna was aslo laughing as well as Artemis.
ALL (Chanting ala the official "Triple H" chant): AAA-SLOO! AAA-SLOO!
"Blondie? Oy, good, fake Darrien.
S.KNIGHT: Darien's a fake?
TUXEDO: Who could blame him? The real Darien probably didn't sign up for this project.
Better then, Meatball head. Nice "Gap" joke, fake Serena."
FALCON: There's a gap between Serena's fake...
S.KNIGHT: Save it.
"Even our guardain cats?" replied Serena.
"You mean 'hydenas', don't you, Serena." replied Darrien.
TOM: ...What the heck...are "hydenas"?
CROW: He might've been trying to say "hyenas" or something.
TUXEDO: Great, so the evil creatures from The Lion King are invading the story?
Serena snicked then sit down. "Don't forget to read the one dealing with the Jazz mucians. It's was got me."
S.KNIGHT: Okay, if that wasn't a deleted episode from Japan, I'd have no idea what the heck what was just said.
TUXEDO: Since when do we know anyway?
S.KNIGHT: Touché.
"Ouch! Now I know, why, that guy that just recently forget about us. Dr. Thinker like corny jokes." laughed Artemis. "Bat-man's evil twin sister? Bat-friend? Holy Moon Power! At least fake Luna, got a good comeback for fake Serena. "
FALCON: ...um...uh...Anybody got a Thinker-to-English dictionary?
CROW: Hold on...(Pulls out a Thinker-English dictionary.) Hmm...YAARGH! Thinker put a Self Insertion in there somewhere!
TOM: I guess the alarms didn't pick it up, being so garbled.
Serena, Amy, Raye, Mina, Lita, Artemis and picture the young writer in a bedroom
S.KNIGHT: Artemis too?
FALCON: I never new that cat was like that!
TUXEDO: Adam...
with a nice light green sheets on his bed. tossing
CROW: Salads?
TUXEDO: Crow...
in laughing up a storm.
Amy stop laughing and pick up the book. "I'm going look at the inside title page. It said . Written by Ann & Allen Tezan."
TOM (Amy): I'd look on the cover on the book, but I look for my answers the hard way!
"Ann & Allen Tezaun." replied Serena. "I bet 3 of Neptune and Uranus's music CD to 3 of Three Lights!
FALCON (Sailor Uranus): Hey! Don't you bet my music CDs without asking me!
TOM: (Sailor Star Fighter): Too late. She all ready wagered my band's equipment and lost it...
That that is Ann and Al. Does in has the Addres."
"Yes. It seem to close to the last place a normal person might explace.
S.KNIGHT (Amy): And since we're all abnormal people, we're able to explace EXACTLY where they live!
CROW (Darien): We even know what explace MEANS!
They are using a penthouse across from the penthouse they used the last time." replied Amy.
ALL (Muted Trumpet): Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah...
###############################
Ann was checking the new Caridans, they used.
TUXEDO: She was wondering if they were compatible with Windows 2000.
It turns out that Cardains can turn DEAD humans into energy.
TOM: So if the Cardains can do that, do the Caridans do something completely different?
The police would just think that lot of earthworms would be there and eatted them dead humans.
CROW: But they would notice the big holes where the coffins would be, wouldn't they?
FALCON: Man, Thinker's gotta rethink his contrivances...hey, Thinker rethinking! Hehehehe...
S.KNIGHT: Don't quit your day job.
"Well, at least that helps us out, Dovus" stated Ann as Dovus spit energy into part of "Tree of Life".
ALL: (Pretend to spit at the screen)
Allen had a computer near by.
"Keep it quiet!
FALCON: Oh, come on! They can hear us through the screen?
TUXEDO: Hey, it worked for "Evil Guy"...
I'm busy writting the last chapter of book 3 of our Sailor Moon books." replied Allen
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
S.KNIGHT: Who's there?
TUXEDO: Thinker
S.KNIGHT: Thinker who?
TUXEDO: I "Thinker" beautiful, Michelle.
S.KNIGHT: (Blushes slightly and smiles) Alex...
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
CROW: Who's there?
FALCON: Pantyhose.
CROW: Pantyhose who?
FALCON: "Pant-he-hose" the girls down for the swimsuit competition?
(Both hentais start laughing.)
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
TOM: Who's there?
CROW: Hormones.
TOM: Hormones who?
CROW: Hormones when you don't pay her!
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE!
(Hundreds of roses once again pierce the Bots.)
CROW: Ow! Well, I thought it was funny...
"What's that famous humaniod saying about this, Al?" ask Ann.
TOM: Uh, come again?
S.KNIGHT: We've been asking that throughout the entire thing...
"Who would be crazy to knock at this dog gone hour of the night?" replied Allen.
TUXEDO: Fru Fru the Poodle?
FALCON: Would you shut up with this Fru Fru business?
"Thought so." replied Ann.
"I did not." replied Allen. "Remember we can read minds."
CROW: Okay, now...now this is just...just...
TUXEDO: We know, buddy. This thing is REALLY taxing.
CROW: I'm mean I...I ran out of riffs for this thing!
S.KNIGHT: Is that a good thing, or...
CROW: Come on! We still have a ton of this 'fic to go through still, and we're running out of good stuff!
TOM: He has a point.
FALCON: I guess all we can do now is hope for the best...or if the Scouts suddenly strip and start a massive...
TUXEDO: (Places hand over Falcon's mouth) Right...
Ann got a sweatdrop on her face and she exit the room. She open.
TOM: ...her external skeleton, revealing the hideous mechanical body underneath!
They stop her ex-enemy sercet indenity, Serena...a.k.a Sailor Moon. Serena was holding the 2 second of the seires book they are created.
S.KNIGHT (Dexter): At last! My 2 second series of books have been created!!!
FALCON: Huh?
S.KNIGHT: Can you come up with something better?
"What's up?" ask Ann.
"Well, are you guys behind his book." replied Serena.
CROW (Al): No, usually I'm the one "behind". Heh heh heh!
TUXEDO: Crow!
"Yeah. I did you know." ask Ann.
FALCON (Road Dogg): Well, ass call better your somebody-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Ann & Allen Tezaun. It' you said Tezan, fast it sounds like tree." replied Serena.
TOM: Faster than the speed of tree, able to leap tall redwoords in a single bound...
"Why in HECK are you doing this?" ask Serena.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, we're back in Heck now? Geez, I gotta pay more attention.
"Well, you see. We want to thank you for helping us out. So we decede on writting a book about it." replied Allen.
TOM: But the books take place from the beginning, don't they?
FALCON: Details, details. This is THINKER!
TOM: Oh, I forgot.
"Sweet, you guys." replied. "But what's this name every location expect for Crown Aracade, Crossroad."
S.KNIGHT: Aracade? Spiders?!?!? (Starts to shiver)
TUXEDO: But Silver...
S.KNIGHT: Thinker put SPIDERS in this?!?
CROW: Geez, get a gip!
TUXEDO: Yeah, Thinker made mistake #178,595 and misspelled "Arcade"! That's all.
S.KNIGHT: (Calming down) Okay...
"It takes place in Crossroad City, U.S.A" replied Ann.
"Nice work!" replied Serena.
FALCON (Serena): ...at screwing us up into crappy Dub people! What were you thinking?
"At least it isn't Tokyo. That would most likely help us."
"So how did you get those stories." replied Ann.
TOM: Huh? She's asking Serena how she wrote her OWN stories?
CROW: Interesting...to say the least...
"In one universe, we thought Crystral Tokyo was a different city, but it wasn't." replied Serena. "Queen Serena makes have to write book in a diffent universe. "
TOM: And SERENA has an EXPLANATION?!?!?!?!?
S.KNIGHT: Stay frosty, Tom.
"This WAY before you guys metorized on our plane..." started Serena
TUXEDO (Serena as Stewardess): Coffee? Tea? Meteor?
FALCON: Damn that Sephiroth!
(All look at Falcon strangely)
FALCON: What?
"Metorized?" ask Lita. "That should have been Treeized."
S.KNIGHT (Tour Guide): And here, we have Dr. Thinker's attempt at a joke!
OTHERS: Ooohhhhhh! Aaaahhhhh!
"Doesn't sound right to me, Lita. As I was saying, how do you know stuff that happen before I game." replied Serena.
"Mrs. Hourson!" shouted Ann.
CROW: Mrs. Whore-son? What the hell?
A familar voice ring. "Yes, Ann." Her hand was carrying the Time Key!. It was Sailor Pluto.
FALCON: Huh? When did she...
TOM: Don't...don't think about it...damn...
"Well, I did tell them." replied Pluto. "The history they need comes from another universe in which we were all American. "
TUXEDO: Oh, well, that makes perfect sen...HUH?
Raye said "That might explain all of the done dog plugs."
"What's next?" ask Serena.
"The next book is 'Mercury Rising'." replied Ann.
CROW: ...Okay, that does it! I'm leaving! (Gets up.)
S.KNIGHT: I know, this is WAY to painful! (Gets up.)
TUXEDO: We're staying for the rest!
TOM: Do you have a DEATH WISH?!?
FALCON: We're just struggling along, here!
TUXEDO: Just a few more lines...I can withstand the pain...(Eyes start to tear.)
TOM: (Sigh) Okay, we're with ya. Just don't blame us when you go insane. (Others sit down.)
"Does that mean, you going to add me?" ask Amy.
Allen hugged the girl. "Right as ice, Amy."
Serena gigles at Amy uncomformable.
S.KNIGHT (Serena): Haha! You're sooooo uptight, Amy! Stop being uncomfortable! Nyeh Nyeh!
TOM: Weak, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: I know, I know...
##################THE END###########################
ALL: (Stare in disbelief.)
TUXEDO: Is it...is it a dream? Someone pinch me!
CROW: Okay!
TUXEDO: No, Crow, I believe it!
ALL: YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
What do you think, sirs or madams as the case might be.? E-mail me at winkstwo@sssnet.com
Sign
Dr. Thinker
The Worst Writter On The Web
##################################################
FALCON: No, too easy. Wanna leave?
TOM: Read my mind!
(All leave the theater.)
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SOL
(By this time, Gypsy has finished pressing the uniforms of our resident heroes. After they put the uniforms back on, the vision to the Bots was restored.)
TOM: And we missed out on a great feast on the eyes...
S.KNIGHT: You weren't missing much, guys.
CROW: But we WERE missing something!
TUXEDO: (Slightly ticked) Would you like a triple attack like on Glenidia?
BOTS: (Both are silent)
FALCON: That's better.
S.KNIGHT: Well, at least we don't have to feel embarrassed anymore.
TUXEDO: Yeah, and our uniforms are looking better than before!
FALCON: Hey, I'll go thank Gypsy for the rest of ya!
(As Falcon gets up, he trips over a hidden switch on the floor of the bridge. From the ceiling, hundreds of shirts, multiple pairs of pants, and an assortment of dresses rain down from above.)
BOTS: Eep...
FALCON: So, there wasn't any other clothing on the SOL, eh?
TOM: It was all Crow's idea!
CROW: Me? Don't go pinning this one on me!
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE...
FALCON: FALCON FIRE...
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
@@@@@
DEEP 13 1/3
(Dr. F. is busy trying to direct a certain individual with a yellow headband out of his secret hideout.)
RYOUGA: No, that's not the way out...
DR. F.: That's the bathroom! When I say get out, I say GET OUT!!! (He points to a door that says "Exit" above it.)
RYOUGA: Would you stop yelling? I know my way! (He goes the opposite direction that Forrester was pointing in.)
DR. F.: Ugh. You just can't teach some people.
FRANK: (From walkie-talkie) Hey, Doc, we got another situation up here!
VOICE: (From walkie-talkie) Are you sure my Pigtailed Goddess didn't grace this finely-built machine?
(Dr. F. lets out a big sigh, grabs his trusty flame-thrower, and presses the button.)
@@@@@
Author's Notes
Man, talk about TOUGH! This fanfic, in my opinion, was the hardest to riff so far. Dr. Thinker, I tip my top hat to you for making this so challenging! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I should be pumping these out more often, now my new website has launched.
VISIT IT AT http://lavender.fortunecity.com/rothside/482/index.html !
And I promise, that's my last truly shameless plug for a while!
@@@@@
More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: "Yes. It seem to close to the last place a normal person might explace. They are using a penthouse across from the penthouse they used the last time." replied Amy.
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 17: SAILOR MOON MEET HER BOOKS AUTHOR (BY DR. THINKER)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Sailor Moon Meet Her Books Author" belongs to Dr. Thinker and he's welcome to it. The riffing of this piece is not meant to insult the author, or the piece itself. It was all done with fun in mind, and is meant to be taken lightly.
@@@@@
SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex is on the bridge, as well as Tom and Crow in the background. Both of the Bots are currently laughing their heads off about Tuxedo's current attire, which simply is a white muscle shirt, and black sweatpants.)
TUXEDO: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to the Satellite of Love! I suppose you're wondering why I'm not in my "normal" attire, as it were...
CROW: (Whistles) Lookin' good there, Sans-Cape Boy! (The Bots are in hysterics.)
TUXEDO: Shut up! Anyway, if you remember our Y3K problem from last time, the Bots decided to test out Y4K, Y5K, and Y6K on us...
TOM: Gotta love that cheese!
CROW: And the whipped cream!
TOM: And the sour crout!
TUXEDO: Guys!
(Falcon Knight enters the bridge, also in a muscle shirt and black sweatpants.)
FALCON: I'm going to reprogram the main clock, okay?
TUXEDO: Fine, fine. Anyway, so all these fountains came out, spraying all kinds of gunk everywhere, totally soiling our uniforms. They're being pressed by Gypsy right now. But until then...
FALCON: All Tom and Crow gave us to wear are these stupid, old clothes!
TOM: Hey, just so you know, those are Joel's old work clothes!
TUXEDO: And you just so happened to give Silver the bottom of the barrel?
CROW: But she looks good in them!
S.KNIGHT: (From the back) I'm not coming out!
FALCON: (Yelling to the back) Silver, it's okay! We already explained this to Bots!
TUXEDO: (To Falcon) I don't think so. Crow already made a pass at me.
CROW: Bite me!
TUXEDO: You would!
FALCON: So, Plan B then?
TUXEDO: (Grins Maniacally) Lets.
(Falcon reaches behind Crow, and flips a small switch. Alex does the same for Tom. Crow's eyes and Tom's dome both go dark.)
TOM: Hey, what the...
CROW: I can't see anything!
TUXEDO: Good. (To the back) You can come out, Michelle! The Peanut Gallery's subdued!
S.KNIGHT: (From the back.) Okay. Please be kind...
(Sailor Silver Knight enters the bridge in a white tank top, and blue shorts that reach down to just above her knees.)
S.KNIGHT: Are you sure that there are no other clothes on this stupid Satellite?
FALCON: Well, that's what the Bots told us...
TUXEDO: Either way, you don't look as bad as you think.
S.KNIGHT: I feel kind of better since the Bots can't see me...
TOM: I'm blind! What does she look like?
CROW: Is she wearing the thong I left her?
S.KNIGHT: The WHAT?!?
TUXEDO: (Sigh) We'll be right back...
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
(The Bots are moping around in a corner of the bridge. Tuxedo Alex, Sailor Silver Knight, and Falcon Knight are smiling all the while.)
S.KNIGHT: Do you know when our uniforms will be ready?
FALCON: Gypsy said it'll take a couple more hours for them to be finished.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, but the sooner I feel more covered, the better.
TUXEDO: You look fine for the time being, Silver. Truth be told, I feel somewhat naked without my tux.
CROW: (Springing up) Did someone say naked?
TUXEDO: Not that kind of naked!
CROW: Oh. (Goes back to moping)
(The message lights on the SOL begin to flash.)
TUXEDO: Well, looks like Hiro Yui and Duo Maxwell are calling.
S.KNIGHT: Really? Duo!!!
FALCON: The Mads, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: I know, but I can dream, can't I?
(Tuxedo Alex presses the button, as Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank appear on the screen. Both are making final checks outside what seems to be a giant foot. Frank is holding a clip board, checking off what is in place.)
DR. F.: Mutiple gun turrets?
FRANK: Check!
DR. F.: Thermal-scythe?
FRANK: Check!
DR. F.: And finally, Frank, is the darn thing water-proof?
FRANK: Check, and Double Check, Steve!
DR. F.: Good, my #1 lacky! (Turns to face the screen.) Oh, hello my...hmmm, did I catch you at a bad time?
TUXEDO: Skip the jokes, Doc. Blame all those fountains!
DR. F.: Okay, okay. Well, have I got something to show you this week! Frank, board the Gundam while I pan the camera out.
FRANK: Sure thing, Doc!
S.KNIGHT: Did he just say...Gundam?
FALCON: I got a weird feeling about this...
(The camera is moved back to show a huge robot in the bowels of the laboratory. It looks exactly like the Gundam: Wing Zero. Frank gets in while Dr. F. is explaining.)
DR. F.: As you all well know, the Gundams are giant robots that are built for the purposes of battle. The pilot by name of Hiro lays claim to the Gundams Wing and Wing Zero. And so, I have decided to expand upon this wonderful franchise with my Gundam: Wing 1/2! (Takes out a walkie-talkie and starts to speak in it.) Ready, Frank?
FRANK: As I ever was!
HEROES: ......
TUXEDO: This...this better not be what I think it is...
DR. F.: Pay attention This Gundam looks exactly like Wing Zero. But observe...
(Forrester proceeds to splash it with a bucket of cold water. The Gundam suddenly changes into a feminine robot.)
DR. F.: And voila! Instant female Gundam! With this tool, the opponents of Wing 1/2 will be so lulled by its beauty and charm that Wing 1/2 will have complete control of the battle! This Gundam is INVINCIBLE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The three heroes look at the Gundam, then eachother, then burst out laughing.)
S.KNIGHT: Hah hah hah! You actually believe that "thing" is useful?
TUXEDO: That is the...hahahaha...the STUPIDEST idea you've had in a long time!
FALCON: So, how many fiancées does it have? Heh heh heh!
TOM: What's going on? What's this about females?
TUXEDO: Trust me, you don't want to know.
DR. F.: You dare to mock me? Mock MY brilliance?!? Well then, I guess we should start the experiment a little early, now shall we?
FRANK: (From the walkie-talkie) Uh, Doc? There's someone in the cockpit with me!
DR. F.: (Ignoring Frank) And believe me, this fanfic is one that WILL make you Think!...er...
ALL: (Drop dead silence)
DR. F.: I believe I've said it all. Ta ta, Magic Knights!
FRANK: (From the walkie-talkie) Doc! There's this guy all over the controls!
VOICE: (From the walkie-talkie) Where the heck am I now? Who are you? Where is Furikan High?!?
(The hexfield cuts off. A few moments of silence pass before anyone says a word.)
CROW: Thinker. I knew ONE of these days, there would be Thinker!
FALCON: I'm not even gonna comment on what the Mads have in that Gundam...
S.KNIGHT: It's going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOONG day...
(The klaxons start going off around the Satellite.)
TUXEDO: And it's not ending yet, cause we got THINKER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
TOM: Where's the Theater?
TUXEDO: Oops, forgot... (The heroes start directing the Bots to their next torment.)
@@@@@
(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
(2)
(1)
THEATER
(All the participants take their respective seating. From right to left, Crow, Silver, Tuxedo, Falcon, Tom. Tom and Crow have to be guided to their seats.)
TOM: Hey, since we can't see, we don't have to suffer the fanfic!
CROW: A blessing in disguise!
(Tuxedo and Falcon "remedy" this problem by returning the Bot's eyesight.
BOTS: Aw, (BLEEP)
TUXEDO: Watch the language!
SAILOR MOON AND SAILOR SCOUTS
In
TOM: ...A poorly done piece of mother(BLEEP)ing trash!
TUXEDO: Look, Tom, just because it's by Thinker doesn't mean you have to bash the author.
TOM: I know, but it's THINKER!
TUXEDO: Try to let it go, okay?
"Sailor Moon Meet Her Books Author"
by Dr. Thinker
S.KNIGHT: Does this mean that she's gonna rip Thinker a new one?
FALCON: Trust me, if Thinker wrote a book, than it would be the end of human kind as we know it.
TUXEDO: Guys! I thought I made it clear! No author bashing!
'
Note 1: All characters are owned by Mixx Enterrtaiment, DIC, Teoi, and Naoko Takeuchi.
CROW (Thinker): And Fru Fru, my poodle.
Note 2: This takes place in the animated series, just a year after "Sailor Galixa" is defeated.
CROW: Who's that?
TOM: I think he was trying to say Galaxia, or there's a new season of Sailor Moon in Japan we don't know about.
S.KNIGHT: Really?
TOM: It's just speculation!
S.KNIGHT: Oh.
#############
ALL (Chanting): Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...
In a bookstore, some in the city of Japan.
TUXEDO: In the town of Asia, in the state of Earth, in the country of the Solar System, on the continent of the universe...
FALCON: You think that there would be MANY bookstores in Japan, but according to Thinker...
A female long blonde hair that was tied up in twin ponytails
TOM: Was she tied up in a slip knot or a hitch knot?
S.KNIGHT: You know Serena's having a bad day when she gets tangled up in her own hair...
was making a crazy scence there.
CROW: At least it's better than making no sense at all.
Her long arms and legs were knocking books and tripping people.
FALCON: If that's the case, she can knock and trip me anytime!
TUXEDO: ADAM!
"Serena, how old are you?" ask a black hair female.
TOM (Serena): Hotaru, for the last time, I'm not interested!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
"I'm 16. Going on 17, Raye." laughed Serena.
ALL (Singing): I'm just sixteen, going on seventeen, I-I'll take ca-are of you!
"You should know that."
"Well, you making it like you going on 3 years old." retorted Raye.
CROW: Retorted?
FALCON: Big words for the small-minded Thinker.
TUXEDO: Guys, stop the author bashing!
"What in heck are you laughing about?"
S.KNIGHT: They're in Heck now? Did I miss a scene change or something?
She laughed "We going to have Sailor Meeting, this afternoon."
TOM (Serena): We're gonna go "meet" some "sailors", if you know what I mean!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
Raye thought. First thing, get Amy out of that virus section of that computer store,
FALCON: Amy's shopping for computer viruses?
CROW (Amy): Yes, I'll take the one that formats my hard drive, and two little viruses that lock up my mouse!
then get Lita and Mina out that record store.
TUXEDO (Raye): And put them back into the present with CDs and Mini-Discs.
"Darrien picking you up, Serena?" ask Raye.
S.KNIGHT (Serena): Yep! And he's gonna put me down, and pick me up again, and put me down again... (Begins to swoon)
TUXEDO: Silver, come back to reality...
S.KNIGHT: But...but I like it so much here!
"Yes, my dad doesn't mind him anymore." replied a still laughing Serena.
ALL: o_0
TOM: Just like that? Her father doesn't mind a college bound guy taking out his four-year younger daughter?
CROW (Kenji): You know, Darien, you may be a heckuva lot older than my Serena, and might possibly take advantage of her because of her age, but I just don't mind you anymore! Put'er there, pal!
Picking a pink book.
FALCON: ...and? Doc? Little help?
TUXEDO: Me thinks that's as close as we're going to get to a complete sentence.
FALCON: Hey, I thought you said no author bashing!
TUXEDO: I never said Thinker's name!
S.KNIGHT: But you have to admit that you implied it!
TUXEDO: (Grumble)
############################
ALL (Singing): You know my name! Look up the number!
Later, at the Temple, Raye fill in on what happen at the bookstore.
S.KNIGHT (Raye): Serena tied herself up in her own hair, she kept tripping people, we went to Heck for a few seconds, and Serena got a pink book. It was fun.
Serena was walking with Artemis and Luna. Artemis have spend a few days at Serena's house
FALCON (Serena): Ooh, kitty love sweet!
OTHERS: Adam...
FALCON: What! It came from an actual episode!
since Mina was upset about something, but she clam down.
TOM: She clamed down?
CROW: Better than oystering up, I suppose.
But Artemis didn't want to resteamed thing up.
S.KNIGHT: Wait a second...clam, steam...he wrote that on purpose!
TUXEDO: Holy crap! Thinker's purposely writing bad grammar?!?
TOM: Well that settles it. There is no God...
Serena sit down and cafely place a book on the table.
CROW: Okay, make up your mind. Are we at a café, or the temple?
FALCON: ...That was bad.
CROW: I know. *snif*
Amy, Raye, Mina, Darrien and Lita have they mouth drop other.
FALCON (Announcer) And here comes Amy's mouth, and it drops Raye's mouth into the trash can! But here come's Lita's mouth, and...oh, it dropped Darien's mouth off a cliff!
TUXEDO: Adam, lay off the caffeine.
They saw a picture of Serena s Sailor Moon and her black cat with the cresent moon, Luna.
S.KNIGHT: And Fru Fru the poodle.
The title read: Naoko Takeuchi's Sailor Moon. They was a small section that reads: BASED ON THE TV HIT SERIES,
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(The fourth wall klaxons blaze in the theater.)
TOM: Not again!
FALCON: Damn you, Thinker!
TUXEDO: Stop bashing the Doc!
FALCON: You're not doing a good job of stopping yourself either, Tuxy!
TUXEDO: Don't call me Tuxy!
S.KNIGHT: Would you two stop bickering?
CROW: Hey, we unfortunately apologize for all of Thinker's breaks in the fourth wall!
(The klaxons cease.)
FALCON: Tuxy, Tuxy, Tuxy!
TUXEDO: Up yours, up yours, up yours!
S.KNIGHT: GUYS!
FALCON & TUXEDO: Sorry.
S.KNIGHT: I swear, we're gonna need leashes on you two...
before you get the left end of the picture. At the bottom, tey was the company that created th e book,
CROW: Yes, it's Tey! The new Sailor Moon translation company! A subdivision of Evil Guy Products!
TOM: Subscribe to the official Tey newsletter, and receive our free company catalog!
FALCON: Any way you can plug the catalog, huh?
Smile,
ALL: (Have big goofy grins on their faces.)
and the title of this book: "THE POWER OF LOVE" in yellow.
S.KNIGHT (Singing): You got to belieeeee-eeeeeeeve in the pooooooo-wer of love...
FALCON: Damn, he inserted REAL books into this thing?
CROW: Dr. Thinker: Master of Fourth Wall Manipulation
"I dare you to read all of it. I going to check on Raye's grand-pain." Serena said.
"Grand-pain?" ask Amy.
"Since he's alway somewhat of pain to me, I start to talk when Grandpa isn't around as a Grand-pain." states Raye.
TUXEDO: And if you were using him, would he be a Grand-pawn?
TOM: And if he was just a big joke, would he be a Grand-pun?
FALCON: And if he was a horse, would he be a Grand-pony?
CROW: And if you use him as a cooking utensil, would he be a Grand-pan?
S.KNIGHT: And if he was a balloon, and he burst, would he Grand-pop?
TOM: Our Grand joke, ladies and gentlemen!
####################
After checking with Grandpa Hino, who was planting some more Cherry Trees.
FALCON (Grandpa): Okay, this makes it 55 trees today!
TUXEDO (Raye): You Grand-pain! We can't get in the house because you surrounded it with trees!
Serena come back to the temple, to see the Sailor Scouts accidently strangely.
CROW: How can you act strange by accident?
S.KNIGHT: Believe me, you do it all the time.
CROW: I'll have you know that I act strange when I want to!...wait...
Darrien was jump and duck
ALL: 0_o
TOM: Um...tonight, the role of Darien will be played by Jump And Duck?
FALCON: Nice recovery.
trying not to get it by the laughing scout.
"What happen here?" ask Serena
TUXEDO (Darien): What happened? I got replaced by a friggin' jumping duck!
"The book that you give them turn them in laughing scouts." read Darrien.
CROW (Darien): Excuse me while I check the script for my next line.
"I wonder how the Outer Scouts would been done!" laughed Mina.
TOM: I'd say about medium rare.
"I wonder how the Sailor Starlights would been done!" laugh Lita.
S.KNIGHT: I'd have to go with well-done myself.
"I wonder who that little Rabbit, would been done!" laughed Raye.
FALCON: BURNT TO A (BLEEP)ING CRISP!
TUXEDO: C'mon, Chibi-usa isn't that bad. And watch the language.
"I wonder who the rest of Inner ScoutsI would be done." laughed Amy
CROW: A decent translation company, like Mixx Entertainment?
Luna was aslo laughing as well as Artemis.
ALL (Chanting ala the official "Triple H" chant): AAA-SLOO! AAA-SLOO!
"Blondie? Oy, good, fake Darrien.
S.KNIGHT: Darien's a fake?
TUXEDO: Who could blame him? The real Darien probably didn't sign up for this project.
Better then, Meatball head. Nice "Gap" joke, fake Serena."
FALCON: There's a gap between Serena's fake...
S.KNIGHT: Save it.
"Even our guardain cats?" replied Serena.
"You mean 'hydenas', don't you, Serena." replied Darrien.
TOM: ...What the heck...are "hydenas"?
CROW: He might've been trying to say "hyenas" or something.
TUXEDO: Great, so the evil creatures from The Lion King are invading the story?
Serena snicked then sit down. "Don't forget to read the one dealing with the Jazz mucians. It's was got me."
S.KNIGHT: Okay, if that wasn't a deleted episode from Japan, I'd have no idea what the heck what was just said.
TUXEDO: Since when do we know anyway?
S.KNIGHT: Touché.
"Ouch! Now I know, why, that guy that just recently forget about us. Dr. Thinker like corny jokes." laughed Artemis. "Bat-man's evil twin sister? Bat-friend? Holy Moon Power! At least fake Luna, got a good comeback for fake Serena. "
FALCON: ...um...uh...Anybody got a Thinker-to-English dictionary?
CROW: Hold on...(Pulls out a Thinker-English dictionary.) Hmm...YAARGH! Thinker put a Self Insertion in there somewhere!
TOM: I guess the alarms didn't pick it up, being so garbled.
Serena, Amy, Raye, Mina, Lita, Artemis and picture the young writer in a bedroom
S.KNIGHT: Artemis too?
FALCON: I never new that cat was like that!
TUXEDO: Adam...
with a nice light green sheets on his bed. tossing
CROW: Salads?
TUXEDO: Crow...
in laughing up a storm.
Amy stop laughing and pick up the book. "I'm going look at the inside title page. It said . Written by Ann & Allen Tezan."
TOM (Amy): I'd look on the cover on the book, but I look for my answers the hard way!
"Ann & Allen Tezaun." replied Serena. "I bet 3 of Neptune and Uranus's music CD to 3 of Three Lights!
FALCON (Sailor Uranus): Hey! Don't you bet my music CDs without asking me!
TOM: (Sailor Star Fighter): Too late. She all ready wagered my band's equipment and lost it...
That that is Ann and Al. Does in has the Addres."
"Yes. It seem to close to the last place a normal person might explace.
S.KNIGHT (Amy): And since we're all abnormal people, we're able to explace EXACTLY where they live!
CROW (Darien): We even know what explace MEANS!
They are using a penthouse across from the penthouse they used the last time." replied Amy.
ALL (Muted Trumpet): Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah...
###############################
Ann was checking the new Caridans, they used.
TUXEDO: She was wondering if they were compatible with Windows 2000.
It turns out that Cardains can turn DEAD humans into energy.
TOM: So if the Cardains can do that, do the Caridans do something completely different?
The police would just think that lot of earthworms would be there and eatted them dead humans.
CROW: But they would notice the big holes where the coffins would be, wouldn't they?
FALCON: Man, Thinker's gotta rethink his contrivances...hey, Thinker rethinking! Hehehehe...
S.KNIGHT: Don't quit your day job.
"Well, at least that helps us out, Dovus" stated Ann as Dovus spit energy into part of "Tree of Life".
ALL: (Pretend to spit at the screen)
Allen had a computer near by.
"Keep it quiet!
FALCON: Oh, come on! They can hear us through the screen?
TUXEDO: Hey, it worked for "Evil Guy"...
I'm busy writting the last chapter of book 3 of our Sailor Moon books." replied Allen
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
S.KNIGHT: Who's there?
TUXEDO: Thinker
S.KNIGHT: Thinker who?
TUXEDO: I "Thinker" beautiful, Michelle.
S.KNIGHT: (Blushes slightly and smiles) Alex...
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
CROW: Who's there?
FALCON: Pantyhose.
CROW: Pantyhose who?
FALCON: "Pant-he-hose" the girls down for the swimsuit competition?
(Both hentais start laughing.)
KNOCK!!
KNOCK!!
TOM: Who's there?
CROW: Hormones.
TOM: Hormones who?
CROW: Hormones when you don't pay her!
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE!
(Hundreds of roses once again pierce the Bots.)
CROW: Ow! Well, I thought it was funny...
"What's that famous humaniod saying about this, Al?" ask Ann.
TOM: Uh, come again?
S.KNIGHT: We've been asking that throughout the entire thing...
"Who would be crazy to knock at this dog gone hour of the night?" replied Allen.
TUXEDO: Fru Fru the Poodle?
FALCON: Would you shut up with this Fru Fru business?
"Thought so." replied Ann.
"I did not." replied Allen. "Remember we can read minds."
CROW: Okay, now...now this is just...just...
TUXEDO: We know, buddy. This thing is REALLY taxing.
CROW: I'm mean I...I ran out of riffs for this thing!
S.KNIGHT: Is that a good thing, or...
CROW: Come on! We still have a ton of this 'fic to go through still, and we're running out of good stuff!
TOM: He has a point.
FALCON: I guess all we can do now is hope for the best...or if the Scouts suddenly strip and start a massive...
TUXEDO: (Places hand over Falcon's mouth) Right...
Ann got a sweatdrop on her face and she exit the room. She open.
TOM: ...her external skeleton, revealing the hideous mechanical body underneath!
They stop her ex-enemy sercet indenity, Serena...a.k.a Sailor Moon. Serena was holding the 2 second of the seires book they are created.
S.KNIGHT (Dexter): At last! My 2 second series of books have been created!!!
FALCON: Huh?
S.KNIGHT: Can you come up with something better?
"What's up?" ask Ann.
"Well, are you guys behind his book." replied Serena.
CROW (Al): No, usually I'm the one "behind". Heh heh heh!
TUXEDO: Crow!
"Yeah. I did you know." ask Ann.
FALCON (Road Dogg): Well, ass call better your somebody-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Ann & Allen Tezaun. It' you said Tezan, fast it sounds like tree." replied Serena.
TOM: Faster than the speed of tree, able to leap tall redwoords in a single bound...
"Why in HECK are you doing this?" ask Serena.
S.KNIGHT: Okay, we're back in Heck now? Geez, I gotta pay more attention.
"Well, you see. We want to thank you for helping us out. So we decede on writting a book about it." replied Allen.
TOM: But the books take place from the beginning, don't they?
FALCON: Details, details. This is THINKER!
TOM: Oh, I forgot.
"Sweet, you guys." replied. "But what's this name every location expect for Crown Aracade, Crossroad."
S.KNIGHT: Aracade? Spiders?!?!? (Starts to shiver)
TUXEDO: But Silver...
S.KNIGHT: Thinker put SPIDERS in this?!?
CROW: Geez, get a gip!
TUXEDO: Yeah, Thinker made mistake #178,595 and misspelled "Arcade"! That's all.
S.KNIGHT: (Calming down) Okay...
"It takes place in Crossroad City, U.S.A" replied Ann.
"Nice work!" replied Serena.
FALCON (Serena): ...at screwing us up into crappy Dub people! What were you thinking?
"At least it isn't Tokyo. That would most likely help us."
"So how did you get those stories." replied Ann.
TOM: Huh? She's asking Serena how she wrote her OWN stories?
CROW: Interesting...to say the least...
"In one universe, we thought Crystral Tokyo was a different city, but it wasn't." replied Serena. "Queen Serena makes have to write book in a diffent universe. "
TOM: And SERENA has an EXPLANATION?!?!?!?!?
S.KNIGHT: Stay frosty, Tom.
"This WAY before you guys metorized on our plane..." started Serena
TUXEDO (Serena as Stewardess): Coffee? Tea? Meteor?
FALCON: Damn that Sephiroth!
(All look at Falcon strangely)
FALCON: What?
"Metorized?" ask Lita. "That should have been Treeized."
S.KNIGHT (Tour Guide): And here, we have Dr. Thinker's attempt at a joke!
OTHERS: Ooohhhhhh! Aaaahhhhh!
"Doesn't sound right to me, Lita. As I was saying, how do you know stuff that happen before I game." replied Serena.
"Mrs. Hourson!" shouted Ann.
CROW: Mrs. Whore-son? What the hell?
A familar voice ring. "Yes, Ann." Her hand was carrying the Time Key!. It was Sailor Pluto.
FALCON: Huh? When did she...
TOM: Don't...don't think about it...damn...
"Well, I did tell them." replied Pluto. "The history they need comes from another universe in which we were all American. "
TUXEDO: Oh, well, that makes perfect sen...HUH?
Raye said "That might explain all of the done dog plugs."
"What's next?" ask Serena.
"The next book is 'Mercury Rising'." replied Ann.
CROW: ...Okay, that does it! I'm leaving! (Gets up.)
S.KNIGHT: I know, this is WAY to painful! (Gets up.)
TUXEDO: We're staying for the rest!
TOM: Do you have a DEATH WISH?!?
FALCON: We're just struggling along, here!
TUXEDO: Just a few more lines...I can withstand the pain...(Eyes start to tear.)
TOM: (Sigh) Okay, we're with ya. Just don't blame us when you go insane. (Others sit down.)
"Does that mean, you going to add me?" ask Amy.
Allen hugged the girl. "Right as ice, Amy."
Serena gigles at Amy uncomformable.
S.KNIGHT (Serena): Haha! You're sooooo uptight, Amy! Stop being uncomfortable! Nyeh Nyeh!
TOM: Weak, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: I know, I know...
##################THE END###########################
ALL: (Stare in disbelief.)
TUXEDO: Is it...is it a dream? Someone pinch me!
CROW: Okay!
TUXEDO: No, Crow, I believe it!
ALL: YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
What do you think, sirs or madams as the case might be.? E-mail me at winkstwo@sssnet.com
Sign
Dr. Thinker
The Worst Writter On The Web
##################################################
FALCON: No, too easy. Wanna leave?
TOM: Read my mind!
(All leave the theater.)
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
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BACK ON THE SOL
(By this time, Gypsy has finished pressing the uniforms of our resident heroes. After they put the uniforms back on, the vision to the Bots was restored.)
TOM: And we missed out on a great feast on the eyes...
S.KNIGHT: You weren't missing much, guys.
CROW: But we WERE missing something!
TUXEDO: (Slightly ticked) Would you like a triple attack like on Glenidia?
BOTS: (Both are silent)
FALCON: That's better.
S.KNIGHT: Well, at least we don't have to feel embarrassed anymore.
TUXEDO: Yeah, and our uniforms are looking better than before!
FALCON: Hey, I'll go thank Gypsy for the rest of ya!
(As Falcon gets up, he trips over a hidden switch on the floor of the bridge. From the ceiling, hundreds of shirts, multiple pairs of pants, and an assortment of dresses rain down from above.)
BOTS: Eep...
FALCON: So, there wasn't any other clothing on the SOL, eh?
TOM: It was all Crow's idea!
CROW: Me? Don't go pinning this one on me!
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE...
FALCON: FALCON FIRE...
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR...
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DEEP 13 1/3
(Dr. F. is busy trying to direct a certain individual with a yellow headband out of his secret hideout.)
RYOUGA: No, that's not the way out...
DR. F.: That's the bathroom! When I say get out, I say GET OUT!!! (He points to a door that says "Exit" above it.)
RYOUGA: Would you stop yelling? I know my way! (He goes the opposite direction that Forrester was pointing in.)
DR. F.: Ugh. You just can't teach some people.
FRANK: (From walkie-talkie) Hey, Doc, we got another situation up here!
VOICE: (From walkie-talkie) Are you sure my Pigtailed Goddess didn't grace this finely-built machine?
(Dr. F. lets out a big sigh, grabs his trusty flame-thrower, and presses the button.)
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Author's Notes
Man, talk about TOUGH! This fanfic, in my opinion, was the hardest to riff so far. Dr. Thinker, I tip my top hat to you for making this so challenging! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I should be pumping these out more often, now my new website has launched.
VISIT IT AT http://lavender.fortunecity.com/rothside/482/index.html !
And I promise, that's my last truly shameless plug for a while!
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More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: "Yes. It seem to close to the last place a normal person might explace. They are using a penthouse across from the penthouse they used the last time." replied Amy.