Super teen extraordinaire, Frekazoid! Freakazoid! Runs around in underwear, Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Venues Washington D. C., Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Unless something betters on...
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 18: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (PART 10) BY JUPITER KNIGHT
...Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
But before we go on, here are some:
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Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight, and he's welcome to it. The riffing of this piece is not meant to insult the author, or the piece itself. It was all done with fun in mind, and is meant to be taken lightly.
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SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight are in the background, dismantling one of the Satellite's many computers. Tom and Crow have joined Sailor Silver Knight at the front of the bridge.)
S.KNIGHT: Hey everyone, welcome back to the Satellite of Love. I'm Michelle Argent, better known as Sailor Silver Knight and, well, you kinda caught us in the middle of fixing another technical glitch...
TOM: Damn, this Satellite is going to hell up here!
CROW: Yeah, ever since our Y3K drill, all our systems have been messing up left and right.
S.KNIGHT: We don't think that it's because of Y3K, but something is definitely up. (To the back) Did you guys find out anything yet?
TUXEDO: Not yet!
FALCON: We narrowed the problem down to one major system error that's affecting the ship. But we can't find it anywhere!
TUXEDO: It's definitely a hardware problem, we know that. It's just that this ship is built a certain way that the error affects the whole darn ship!
(Falcon hits a button within the console, and the Hexfield starts opening and closing at an alarming rate.)
FALCON: Oh, no, what did I do?
TOM: Great, now the Hexfield is on the fritz...
(The Hexfield slows down, and remains open. A picture within it slowly comes into a focus.)
PICTURE: PZZZ DLLVVVRRRYYY...MMM TKTKTKT RRRDDRWRRRR...
S.KNIGHT: Hold on, I think I can clarify this over here.
(Silver presses a few buttons on the control panel, bringing the image to perfect clarity.)
MAN: Space Pizza Delivery. May I take your order?
CROW: Hey, he activated our speed dial system! He got it working again!
TOM: I'll take five pepperoni pizzas, three with anchovies and mushrooms...
S.KNIGHT: Oy. We'll be right back...
(Silver hits the button on the control panel.)
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SPECIAL MESSAGE
Okay, I know this was a long time coming. I was very busy over the summer. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this MSTing! ----Tuxedo Alex
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BACK ON THE SOL
(We return to the SOL, with our heroes and Bots surrounded by hundreds of pizza boxes. They have all taken a well deserved break after investigating the flaw.)
CROW: Yeah, the computer can only tell so much. Remember, this is Forrester's ship.
TOM: Who knows what the hell he did to it.
TUXEDO: Is it any wonder that I can't get a full blueprint of the ship when I ask for it.
S.KNIGHT: By the way, how'd you get the money for all these pizzas?
TOM: Oh, Joel left his credit card up here when he left.
FALCON: And you've been using it all this time?!?
CROW: Well, apparently he has really good credit! No one has bugged us about it yet!
TOM: Yeah, how else did we get such good stuff for this place?
FALCON: (A big smile runs across his face.) You guys are good! (He slaps high fives to the Bots.)
S.KNIGHT: Don't encourage them!
(The lights flash on the main terminal.)
TUXEDO: Oh, boy. Dr. Tomoe and Kaori Night are calling.
(The Hexfield parts, albeit very slowly. Dr. Forrester is busy working on what looks like an oven with a black star in the middle. TV's Frank is on the other side, feeding him tools when needed.)
DR. F.: Oh, hello Z Warriors! I see that you are having a bit of trouble on your little bone there.
TUXEDO: Yeah, you think you can send a maintenance bot up here, or something?
DR. F.: You really think I would do something crazy like that?
TUXEDO: Nah, but it was worth a shot, right?
DR. F.: True. Anyway, before I send you on your latest trip through hell, let me show you our latest project. Frank?
FRANK: Yes, Steve?
DR. F.: Have the final adjustments been made?
FRANK: Sure thing! The door opens and closes, just like you wanted!
DR. F.: (Sigh) Very good Frank. (He turns towards the Hexfield.) You have to keep these tasks simple for the "help".
FALCON: Oh yeah, exactly. (He gives a look to the others the suggests his disgust with the pair.)
(The camera zooms out to show an exact replica of the Star Oven from Sailor Moon S.)
DR. F.: You know, a thought came to me the other night. There is a severe lack of monsters out on the loose in this world. This is why I created a true-to-life replica of this special oven. Just insert your favorite objects, an evil organism, press the button, and presto! Instant terror!
FRANK: In the oven now is a lobster, and one of those cute little eggs that the other nice doctor gave us. So...
(Frank pushes the start button. Lights flash and smoke surrounds the room. After about thirty seconds, a small bell sounds, signifying the job to be done. Frank uses a fan to clear the smoke from the room, coughing up a lung in the process. Dr. F., doing his share of coughing, opens the door. A seven-foot tall woman with huge pincers for hands exits, her claws flailing wildly. She immediately goes and attacks Frank.)
FRANK: GAHHH! HELP! IT'S CHOKING ME!
DR. F.: That's nice, Frank! Anyway, boobies, now's the time for your next experiment! And you're gonna love it! Or hate it, whatever. I don't care. It's "Evil Guy From Another Dimension, Part 7!"
TOM: Uh, we've seen it already.
DR. F.: Really? Voluntarily? Okay, how about Part 8?
CROW: Seen it.
DR. F.: Part 9?
S.KNIGHT: Done.
DR. F.: (Agitated) PART 10, THEN!
FALCON: Uh, seen it?
DR. F.: Nice try. You're watching anyway, like it or not!
(The hexfield cuts off.)
TUXEDO: Oh boy. More "Evil Guy". Joy.
FALCON: With our luck, the ship'll blow before we finish.
(The klaxons go off in perfect harmony.)
S.KNIGHT: I guess we'll find out later, 'cause we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
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(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
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(1)
THEATER
Less than a week until I'm away on holidays! Woo!
S.KNIGHT (Ric Flair): MEEEAAAAN! WHOOOOO! GEAN!
Should I mention that I'm thoroughly enjoying DVD?
CROW: I guess the Evil Guy DVDs have finally been completed.
TOM: Digitally-unmastered, and even more confusing than seen in text form!
CROW: Available now from our company catalog!
FALCON: Would you SHUT UP about your company catalog?!?
TUXEDO: Well, they DID make the trouble of putting one together...
FALCON: And you've seen it when?
S.KNIGHT: Guys!!
Now, to repeat what I've said before, here's another part, Jackie!
TOM: And to repeat what I've said before, (ahem), (BLEEP) you, Jupiter Knight! (BLEEP) you!
FALCON: Stay frosty, Tom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUXEDO (Captain Picard): A line must be drawn HERE!
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
Part 10 - Oh great, it's that guy again
CROW: They're bringing back Hortense?
OTHERS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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S.KNIGHT: In every dark cloud, there's a silver lining.
FALCON: ...And?
S.KNIGHT: Just saying...
Last time on EGFAD:
TOM: Enter Goomba Forrester's Atrocious Dungeon?
TUXEDO: Ecchi Guys Form a Dynasty?
FALCON: Everyone, Get Falcon A Drink!
S.KNIGHT: Ahem? Do we look like your personal servants???
CROW: Personally, I like Tuxy's better!
TUXEDO: Can it, Crow, and don't call me Tuxy!
Fox brought Mr. Sparkle....I mean Homer Simpson
FALCON (Jupiter Knight): ....I mean Mr. Plow....I mean Max Power...
and family to the wonderful world of Sailormoon, as well as making the hands
TOM: ...have five fingers instead of four! Such is the power of the Evil Guy!
and attacks of the Senshi glow colours and stuff.
FALCON (Stoned): Woah dude, the walls are melting again...
As a one time only special, LeVar Bouyer was also killed. And now, the news.
S.KNIGHT (Newscaster): Today's top story, LeVar Bouyer was...aw, damn Jupiter Knight! Always one step ahead of me!
* * * * *
Evil Guy waddled around,
CROW: Hey, Evil Guy is being played by "Jump And Duck"!
TUXEDO: Yah! Don't bring that up!
trying to figure out another scheme to continue failing to kill the Senshi. He needed someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet.
TOM: You mean Evil Guy's gonna call the hordes of the Otaku? He really IS evil!
"I need someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet," said Evil Guy.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out from the last few seconds, here's a recap...
Yes, he needed someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out from the last few seconds, here's a recap...
I have the perfect person for the job! Er, I mean "I have the perfect person for the job!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out...
S.KNIGHT: We get it, Crow.
* * * * *
TUXEDO: Uh, oh. It's an on-the-spot ink-blot test!
FALCON: I think I see...the good grammar and punctuation JK forgot to use!
Chibiusa and Diana wandered around for a while.
TOM: You know, walked into a few walls, tripped over a few beer cans, encountered Ryouga...
What else would they do?
CROW: Yeah, they haven't even found a decent casino yet!
Their in a desolate post-apocalyptic Tokyo.
TUXEDO: I thought they were Chibiusa and Diana?
S.KNIGHT: Just ignore that, dear.
However, due to unforseen circumstances,
TOM: ...A giant hole opened in the ground and swallowed the two of them whole! HAHAHAHA!
FALCON: Feeling dark today, buddy?
TOM: Just a bit...
they stumbled across a rip in the fabric of space, a portal to another dimension, if you will.
S.KNIGHT: I didn't know space was made of fabric?
CROW: Weak, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: Hey, at least I try.
"I didn't know space was made of fabric," said Chibiusa.
ALL: ...
TUXEDO: (Sigh) And the dance continues...
"Should we go through, Small Lady?" asked Diana.
She shrugged and said, "Why not? Puu isn't going to be back any time soon.
FALCON (Chibi-usa): My constipation is gone! I feel so free!
S.KNIGHT: Oh, ick!
She's probably stoned somewhere near the edge of a volcano, for all we know."
CROW (Pluto): Woah, this volcanic ash is some good s(BLEEP)t!
And so, our two brave heroines
TOM: ...were smoked by Sailor Pluto, and she got so stoned that she fell in that volcano! HAHAHAHA!
TUXEDO: I think we need to play Tom's N 'Sync tapes backwards and see what kind of demonic messages he's gotten into.
(remind me again, what are they trying to save?
TUXEDO: Us! They're coming to save us!
TOM: We're in here!
CROW: Bring snacks!
Oh yeah, nothing in particular, just their boredom)
S.KNIGHT: Oh, and our boredom doesn't amount to anything, huh?
entered the dimensional portal and emerged on the other side.....
FALCON: The super computer!
CROW: Crud, a Reboot crossover.
WE INTERUPT THIS FANFIC FOR AN IMPORTANT NOTICE:
TOM (JK): I am a doody-head. Thank you.
S.KNIGHT (Ed): The cheese is always twice the fencepost!
TUXEDO: Fire drill! Everyone exit the theater!
(All get up from their seats.)
DR. F.: (Over the P.A. system) Do I really have to say anything?
TUXEDO: Hey, it was worth a shot.
(All sit down again.)
Crossover alert! Crossover alert! This is a very pointless crossover alert that hasn't been done for any previous crossovers in this fanfic!
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FANFIC
CROW: Damn, it IS a Reboot crossover!
S.KNIGHT: Now look what you've done!
CROW: It's not my fault! I swear!
What the two saw before them was huge. It was a great big cone with the vertex chopped off. It was also a really, really big building. They wandered around for a while, seeing several things that looked like big robots, a poster for some group called The Replicants, and a conveniently placed calendar that gave the year 2032.
TUXEDO: Uh...yeah...
FALCON: And the plot thinnens...
* * * * *
TOM: Crap! They discovered the password to my favorite porn site!
FALCON: I thought it was "Underwear"
TOM: Oh yeah, it's too short to be...HEY!
Haruka asked, "So, today, do what and stuff?"
CROW: Wha...?
S.KNIGHT: Did Dr. Thinker get a hold of the keyboard or something?
Michiru answered, "Uh, things."
TUXEDO (Michiru): And...stuff, and...you know...the usual...
Hotaru entered the unspecified room and said, "That Kintaro guy has been taken care of."
FALCON: Yep, that ol' boss from Mortal Kombat II got what he deserved!
Haruka asked, "What did you do to him?"
Hotaru grinned evilly and said, "I super-glued his face to a toilet in the mens room of a gas station."
TOM: And so, an old boss screams "Finish Me!" at the to of his lungs.
* * * * *
"I want a premonition! I want a premonition!" exclaimed Rei.
TUXEDO: Well, I want a pony, but you don't see me getting my wish, now do you?
Very well said the author.
ALL: ...
S.KNIGHT: I want an escape shuttle! I want an escape shuttle!
FALCON: I want Chyna! I want Chyna!
TOM: I want an ending to this fic! I want an ending to this fic!
TUXEDO: I want a pony! I want a pony!
CROW: I want some panties! I want some panties!
(There are a few minutes of dead silence in the Theater.)
CROW: ...Well, it was worth a shot.
TUXEDO: And I'm still waiting for my pony!
"Ooh, purdy cullers.
FALCON: Uh oh. Pluto's been hitting the acid again...
And what the hell is that guy doing here again? Haven't we seen him brought out of a deep freeze millions of times in other fanfics?!" exclaimed Rei.
"Kuso!" exclaimed Makoto. "Who?"
"You know, Jadeite," answered Rei.
TOM: Didn't Tuxy do that in his fanfic?
(Tuxedo Alex sinks down in his seat.)
S.KNIGHT: Alex? Hello...?
CROW: Hey, he's blushing!
FALCON: And we didn't even say anything about him and Silver!
(Tuxedo sinks further down.)
S.KNIGHT: You're crossing the line, buddy...
"Never met him," said Makoto.
"I guess you wouldn't have. To make a long story short, first General of Dark Kingdom, he lasted 12 episodes, got stuck in an eternal sleep type thing."
TOM: And then he was revived by Lilithite, and the Senshi lost their powers, and...
TUXEDO: Would you SHUT UP?!?
"Who?" asked Usagi.
"Jadeite," answered Ami.
"Oh, the blond guy with very little personality," said Usagi.
CROW: What do you expect from a guy named after a rock?
"So, a male version of my DiC counterpart?" asked Minako.
"Uh, you could say that...." said Rei.
S.KNIGHT: Geez, there is NO END to this! NO END!
* * * * *
"Let's skip the plot and go straight for the fight, huh?" suggested Evil Guy.
TUXEDO: Wow, just like the other nine parts!
TOM: So it's same old, same old, huh JK?
* * * * *
On some street somewhere in the Tokyo area of Japan on Earth,
FALCON: As opposed to the Tokyo area of Japan in Andromeda...
(Suddenly, Tuxedo Alex begins to levitate out of his seat.)
CROW: Huh? Tuxy? What's going on?
a few girls with short skirts, a guy in a tuxedo, two cats and some...things in leather appeared with no prior notice.
(Tuxedo starts to run around the theater, screaming obscenities.)
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
S.KNIGHT: Alex! What're you doing!
FALCON: Oh, no! The fanfic's gotten to him!
TOM: He's out of control!
(Silver gets up to try and stop him. When Tuxedo passes them, she grabs him around the waist.)
S.KNIGHT: Alex, STOP!
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
And there he was, the most dreaded of all villains in the entire Sailormoon story *snicker*, Jadeite!!!!!!!!!!
Jadeite looked at his adversaries, only recognizing five of them. "I think I need an introduction to the rest," said Jadeite.
CROW: Oh, come on! Not another pointless intro!
(Tuxedo Alex continues to run around the theater, dragging Silver behind him.)
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
S.KNIGHT: HELP! I CAN'T STOP HIM!
(Falcon Knight gets up, and runs into Tuxedo, pushing him to a halt.)
FALCON: UURRGH...Snap out of it, man!
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
Everyone else sighed, except Tuxedo Alex, who swore profusely and ran around the theatre like a madman on acid. The author grinned evilly :)
TOM: Huh?
CROW: Dammit! Tuxy didn't lose it! JK wrote him into the fanfic!
TOM: That lousy bastard!
(Tuxedo suddenly stops his forward progress around the theater, falls to the ground, and faints.)
FALCON: Tuxy?
S.KNIGHT: Alex?...(She puts her ear to his chest. She then breathes a sigh of relief.) Good, he's still breathing.
FALCON: I heard what the bots said. Damn that Jupiter Knight!
(Silver and Falcon carry Tuxedo back to his seat.)
TOM: Is he okay?
S.KNIGHT: He'll be fine. Just let him rest.
"Do we have to do this every time? I'm getting tired of this. I'm Sailor Moon, the heroine of this godforsaken fanfic.
S.KNIGHT (Sailor Pluto): Did someone say heroine?
CROW (Sailor Moon): (sigh) No, Pluto.
I don't know why I'm introducing myself, you already know who I am."
"I'm Sailor Mercury, the smart one.
FALCON (Sailor Venus): I'm Sailor Venus, the funny one!
TOM (Tuxedo Mask): I'm Tuxedo Mask, the handsome one!
CROW (Sailor Jupiter): I'm Sailor Jupiter, the butch one!
I'm sure you know me, too. You tried to get a youma to suck my energy into a computer."
"I'm Sailor Mars, the one who stuck that ofuda on your back before a jet nearly flattened you.
TOM (Jadeite): Okay, which ofuda scroll was that? The green one, the white one, the little one with the flower in the middle...I can't remember, there were so many!
I think you would've died a more pleasant death getting run over by that plane than what's going to happen today."
S.KNIGHT (Mars): We're going to make you read EGFAD!
CROW (Mercury): And after that, Rini's Change of Fortune!
FALCON (JK): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"I'm Tuxedo Mask, you tried to kill on more than one occasion and I have plenty of memories about things and stuff."
TOM (Tuxedo Mask): Yeah, I remember when I used to be an integral part of the story line! Now all I do is SPOUT MEANINGLESS SPEECHES AND SAY "NOW, SAILOR MOON!" IT'S NOT FAIR DAMMIT! IT'S NOT FAIR!
CROW: Woah, chill!
"I'm Luna, just a cat that can talk."
The rest seemed quite enthusiastic.
S.KNIGHT: Must've been brainwashed.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! I hate you, you pathetic SOB!
TOM (Jupiter): 'Cause Stone Cold said so!
I don't even know who you are!"
"I'm Sailor Venus! I have more personality than you, so there!"
FALCON: My personality is better than your personality, you big doody-booger poopy head!
"I'm Artemis! I'm the white cat, as if you couldn't tell!"
CROW: Oh yes, Artemis. Preach your racist comments all over this fanfic! Watch your popularity go straight down the drain!
FALCON: I don't think that's how he meant it...
"I'm Sailor Pluto! I'm all doped up and ready to go to bed with you!"
TOM: Really?
S.KNIGHT: Tom!
TOM: Sorry...
"I'm Sailor Uranus! Judging from what I've been told about you, you should be an unbelievably weak opponent!"
"I'm Sailor Neptune! The author is sneezing over and over again!
CROW: Hey, we talk about him so much, how can he not?
It's all your fault and it's making him type slower! I want to get this over with!"
FALCON: ...Okay, so do I. Everyone, don't mention JK!
TOM: Hey, you just said JK!
CROW: Now you've just said JK!
S.KNIGHT: Everyone just SHUT UP!
(All others stay remarkably silent.)
S.KNIGHT: Wow, a little women's touch goes a long way.
"I'm Sailor Saturn! Death Reborn....oh, I shouldn't do that now."
"I'm Sailor Star Fighter! I don't know why I'm here!"
"I'm Sailor Star Maker! I hate these introductions!"
"I'm Sailor Star Healer! I prefer being Nuriko!"
CROW: Wha...?
TOM: Great, now the author's losing it.
"Chibi Chibi, Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon, Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi!"
S.KNIGHT: For all those who don't know Japanese, here you go: "Small small, Sailor Small Small Moon, Small! Small small small!"
"Mister Author, can we sign a contract so that we don't have to do these introductions again?" asked Sailor Moon.
ALL: YES! SIGN THE CONTRACT! PLEASE!
TUXEDO: ...ugh...
The author ponders for a few moments.......ponders......ponders.... Still pondering.
FALCON: Come on! If we influence this dang thing in any way, we say to SIGN THE DAMN CONTRACT!
I guess so.
ALL: YES!
The Senshi sign the contract, along with the author insert signature. Now, I just have to think of something more diabolical! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
CROW: Well, until that happens, we're safe.
TOM: What if he writes us into the next part?
FALCON: SHUT UP! NO MORE IDEAS!
"Hello? Can we get on with this now?" asked Jadeite.
(Tuxedo Alex slowly comes to.)
TUXEDO: Uh...my head...what happened.
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight wrote you into the fanfic.
TUXEDO: Oh, so that explains why I feel so dirty.
Before he could attack, Saddam Hussein came up to him and said,
FALCON (Hussein): Hi, remember me? I used to be the main enemy! Just thought I'd make a pointless cameo! Guess I'll be on my way now. Do-de-do-de-do...
"If I were you, I'd give up now."
FALCON: Well, at least I was close.
CROW: No you weren't!
FALCON: (sigh) I know.
The author agreed. Since the Sailor Senshi are far more powerful now, Jadeite would be nothing more than a minor annoyance.
TUXEDO: Unlike this fanfic, which turned out to be a major annoyance.
TOM: That was kinda weak.
TUXEDO: Give me a minute! I was dramatized yet again!
"Excuse me, but I want my revenge," said Jadeite. "Now...." he started.
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock.....1/4 power," Sailor Venus said with about as much interest as an atheist would have in church.
CROW: First racism, now religious insults! JK, you're going down!
Poof. Jadeite turned into nothing more than a pile of dust.
"Well, that was pointless," said Sailor Mars.
S.KNIGHT: (Sigh) Shall you Alex, or shall I?
TUXEDO: You do the honors.
S.KNIGHT: Okay. (Deep breath) LIKE THIS 'FIC?!?
FALCON: Good job.
"I'm going home," said Sailor Jupiter.
"Let's go Michiru, maybe we can have sex without these damned interruptions," said Sailor Uranus.
CROW: Don't worry, ladies, you won't even know I'm around!
S.KNIGHT: CROW!
Everyone slowly dispersed, except Sailor Venus.
TOM: Gee, was she "hit unconscious" again?
She was standing half naked in the crowded street, trying to change out of her fuku.
BOTS: (Drool flows out of their mouth)
TUXEDO: GUYS!
FALCON: I never knew you guys could drool!
* * * * *
TUXEDO: Great, I'm still seeing stars!
"Foiled again!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
CROW (Mojo Jojo): Cuuuuuuuurrrseeeees...
"I guess I should have seen this coming. A villain from the first series would have no chance against everyone from Sailor Stars. Now, if only I could think of someone from the sixth series, which doesn't exist and probably never will exist."
S.KNIGHT: Existence is within the mind of the beholder.
FALCON: ...And?
S.KNIGHT: Boy, you just can't take a philosophical statement without your brain shutting down, can you?
* * * * *
Next time on SM:EGFAD:
TOM: It's an Elvis crossover!
TUXEDO: Don't give the author...
TOM: I don't give a crap! It's gonna happen! You just know it! We'll be hearing "Hunka Hunka Burning Love" faster than we get our next experiment!
TUXEDO: TOM! Calm down! It's almost over!
Usagi: Mamo-chan!
Mamoru: Usako!
Usagi: Mamo-chan!
Mamoru: Usako!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
TUXEDO: Michelle!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
TUXEDO: Michelle!
TOM: Parn!
Miaka: Tamahomeeeeeeee!!!!
Tamahome: Miakaaaaaa!!!!
Usagi: Ahem.
Chibiusa: Tamahomeeeeeee!!!!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
CROW: Parn!
TOM: Parn!
TUXEDO: Huh?
CROW: Parn!
Ail and Fiore: Miakaaaaa!!!!
Usagi: Will you stop that?
All characters voiced by Araki Kae and Midorikawa Hikaru: Gomen.
Rei: What the hell is going on?
FALCON: Parn?
TOM: Parn!
FALCON: Oh, Parn!
CROW: Parn!
TUXEDO: Stop it.
TOM: Parn!
FALCON: Parn!
S.KNIGHT: Stop it...
Yaten: Hotohori!
Tiger's Eye: Nuri....I mean Miaka!!!!
Ann: Tamahome! Miaka! Nakago?
FALCON & BOTS: Parn!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: STOP IT!
(An uncomfortable silence follows.)
TOM (Whispering): Parn?
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(Hundreds of energy stars emanate from Silver's hands and strike Tom out of his seat.)
TUXEDO: You just had to push her buttons, didn't you?
TOM: (From the floor) Bite me!
S.KNIGHT: And Lodoss War is such a good series, too...
Makoto: I hope this isn't happening next time.
Minako: You never know with this author.
TUXEDO: We do.
S.KNIGHT: It will.
CROW: It'll hurt.
FALCON: Bad.
Golly gee, wasn't that fun?
TOM: Well gosh and golly, gee whilikers! Bite me!
TUXEDO: It's almost over, geez...
It's been how long since I did one of these?
ALL: TOO LONG!
FALCON: (Looks over to you.) Bet you didn't see that one coming!
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(The klaxons start to go off again.)
TUXEDO: ADAM!
FALCON: What?
Anyway, now that I got this one over with, I now have episode 10 of BSSM Knights to do. Happy fun time! You know where to e-mail me at: jarcher@direct.ca. Meri kurisumasu ando a happi nuu yeaa!
S.KNIGHT: Hey, it's over! Everyone kept his or her sanity?
OTHERS: No...
S.KNIGHT: I meant more so than usual.
FALCON: I guess...
CROW: Than lets get out of here!
(They all exit the theater.)
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BACK ON THE SOL
(Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight get back to work, wading through all the pizza boxes. Sailor Silver Knight goes to help while Tom and Crow go to the garbage disposal unit to dispose of all the boxes.)
S.KNIGHT: What do you want me to do?
FALCON: Grab that board over there and check for any burns or something.
TUXEDO: We'll go through these boards over here.
S.KNIGHT: Okay. Ready to get rid of these boxes, Tom?
TOM: We're on it! Open the hatch, Crow.
CROW: Got it!
(Crow presses the button to open the door to the garbage chute. Nothing happens.)
TOM: Come on, Crow, we don't have all day!
CROW: I'm trying! (He presses the button multiple times.) The darn thing won't open!
TOM: Great. Just great.
TUXEDO: We can't get the garbage chute open?
CROW: I said I was trying! (He presses a few more times before the button falls off.) Uh-oh...Tom did it!
S.KNIGHT: Did what?!?
TOM: Huh? I didn't do anything!
CROW: It was his fault!
FALCON: So, we're stuck with these boxes everywhere?
TUXEDO: ARGH! Is everything going wrong on this ship?
S.KNIGHT: Don't worry, I'm on it.
FALCON: (To Cambot) This could take a while. Why don't you check on the Mads or something? We got work to do.
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DEEP 13 1/3
(The Lobster monster has been locked up in a laser cage. Doctor Forrester has reattached Frank's head for the 87th time. At the moment, they are in serious discussion.)
FRANK: Good news, Steve. Everything is going according to plan!
DR. F.: Wow...that's something I rarely hear from you. So, the Satellite is prepped?
FRANK: Yep. The errors are happening all over the ship. Even their garbage is on the fritz!
DR. F.: Excellent. The flaws are minor, but soon they'll grow. Heck, in a week or two, they won't even have power. The best thing is, they won't even find the hardware error causing these fluctuations! They don't even have a clue...
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Author's Notes
Wow, talk about weird. The riffing of this chapter was months in the making, and yet I finish it, AND the host segments in one day! I think I'm finally getting my inspiration back! YAHOO! I just hope that I'll find the time between college, and work, and homework, and this, and that, and the other thing, and life, to complete these regularly. I'm going to try, though! Oh, by the way, pay attention to the next two parts, for they will officially conclude this interesting plot twist I threw in. See ya then!
Stinger: Now, I just have to think of something more diabolical! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 18: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (PART 10) BY JUPITER KNIGHT
...Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
But before we go on, here are some:
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Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight, and he's welcome to it. The riffing of this piece is not meant to insult the author, or the piece itself. It was all done with fun in mind, and is meant to be taken lightly.
@@@@@
SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight are in the background, dismantling one of the Satellite's many computers. Tom and Crow have joined Sailor Silver Knight at the front of the bridge.)
S.KNIGHT: Hey everyone, welcome back to the Satellite of Love. I'm Michelle Argent, better known as Sailor Silver Knight and, well, you kinda caught us in the middle of fixing another technical glitch...
TOM: Damn, this Satellite is going to hell up here!
CROW: Yeah, ever since our Y3K drill, all our systems have been messing up left and right.
S.KNIGHT: We don't think that it's because of Y3K, but something is definitely up. (To the back) Did you guys find out anything yet?
TUXEDO: Not yet!
FALCON: We narrowed the problem down to one major system error that's affecting the ship. But we can't find it anywhere!
TUXEDO: It's definitely a hardware problem, we know that. It's just that this ship is built a certain way that the error affects the whole darn ship!
(Falcon hits a button within the console, and the Hexfield starts opening and closing at an alarming rate.)
FALCON: Oh, no, what did I do?
TOM: Great, now the Hexfield is on the fritz...
(The Hexfield slows down, and remains open. A picture within it slowly comes into a focus.)
PICTURE: PZZZ DLLVVVRRRYYY...MMM TKTKTKT RRRDDRWRRRR...
S.KNIGHT: Hold on, I think I can clarify this over here.
(Silver presses a few buttons on the control panel, bringing the image to perfect clarity.)
MAN: Space Pizza Delivery. May I take your order?
CROW: Hey, he activated our speed dial system! He got it working again!
TOM: I'll take five pepperoni pizzas, three with anchovies and mushrooms...
S.KNIGHT: Oy. We'll be right back...
(Silver hits the button on the control panel.)
@@@@@
SPECIAL MESSAGE
Okay, I know this was a long time coming. I was very busy over the summer. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this MSTing! ----Tuxedo Alex
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SOL
(We return to the SOL, with our heroes and Bots surrounded by hundreds of pizza boxes. They have all taken a well deserved break after investigating the flaw.)
CROW: Yeah, the computer can only tell so much. Remember, this is Forrester's ship.
TOM: Who knows what the hell he did to it.
TUXEDO: Is it any wonder that I can't get a full blueprint of the ship when I ask for it.
S.KNIGHT: By the way, how'd you get the money for all these pizzas?
TOM: Oh, Joel left his credit card up here when he left.
FALCON: And you've been using it all this time?!?
CROW: Well, apparently he has really good credit! No one has bugged us about it yet!
TOM: Yeah, how else did we get such good stuff for this place?
FALCON: (A big smile runs across his face.) You guys are good! (He slaps high fives to the Bots.)
S.KNIGHT: Don't encourage them!
(The lights flash on the main terminal.)
TUXEDO: Oh, boy. Dr. Tomoe and Kaori Night are calling.
(The Hexfield parts, albeit very slowly. Dr. Forrester is busy working on what looks like an oven with a black star in the middle. TV's Frank is on the other side, feeding him tools when needed.)
DR. F.: Oh, hello Z Warriors! I see that you are having a bit of trouble on your little bone there.
TUXEDO: Yeah, you think you can send a maintenance bot up here, or something?
DR. F.: You really think I would do something crazy like that?
TUXEDO: Nah, but it was worth a shot, right?
DR. F.: True. Anyway, before I send you on your latest trip through hell, let me show you our latest project. Frank?
FRANK: Yes, Steve?
DR. F.: Have the final adjustments been made?
FRANK: Sure thing! The door opens and closes, just like you wanted!
DR. F.: (Sigh) Very good Frank. (He turns towards the Hexfield.) You have to keep these tasks simple for the "help".
FALCON: Oh yeah, exactly. (He gives a look to the others the suggests his disgust with the pair.)
(The camera zooms out to show an exact replica of the Star Oven from Sailor Moon S.)
DR. F.: You know, a thought came to me the other night. There is a severe lack of monsters out on the loose in this world. This is why I created a true-to-life replica of this special oven. Just insert your favorite objects, an evil organism, press the button, and presto! Instant terror!
FRANK: In the oven now is a lobster, and one of those cute little eggs that the other nice doctor gave us. So...
(Frank pushes the start button. Lights flash and smoke surrounds the room. After about thirty seconds, a small bell sounds, signifying the job to be done. Frank uses a fan to clear the smoke from the room, coughing up a lung in the process. Dr. F., doing his share of coughing, opens the door. A seven-foot tall woman with huge pincers for hands exits, her claws flailing wildly. She immediately goes and attacks Frank.)
FRANK: GAHHH! HELP! IT'S CHOKING ME!
DR. F.: That's nice, Frank! Anyway, boobies, now's the time for your next experiment! And you're gonna love it! Or hate it, whatever. I don't care. It's "Evil Guy From Another Dimension, Part 7!"
TOM: Uh, we've seen it already.
DR. F.: Really? Voluntarily? Okay, how about Part 8?
CROW: Seen it.
DR. F.: Part 9?
S.KNIGHT: Done.
DR. F.: (Agitated) PART 10, THEN!
FALCON: Uh, seen it?
DR. F.: Nice try. You're watching anyway, like it or not!
(The hexfield cuts off.)
TUXEDO: Oh boy. More "Evil Guy". Joy.
FALCON: With our luck, the ship'll blow before we finish.
(The klaxons go off in perfect harmony.)
S.KNIGHT: I guess we'll find out later, 'cause we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!
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THEATER
Less than a week until I'm away on holidays! Woo!
S.KNIGHT (Ric Flair): MEEEAAAAN! WHOOOOO! GEAN!
Should I mention that I'm thoroughly enjoying DVD?
CROW: I guess the Evil Guy DVDs have finally been completed.
TOM: Digitally-unmastered, and even more confusing than seen in text form!
CROW: Available now from our company catalog!
FALCON: Would you SHUT UP about your company catalog?!?
TUXEDO: Well, they DID make the trouble of putting one together...
FALCON: And you've seen it when?
S.KNIGHT: Guys!!
Now, to repeat what I've said before, here's another part, Jackie!
TOM: And to repeat what I've said before, (ahem), (BLEEP) you, Jupiter Knight! (BLEEP) you!
FALCON: Stay frosty, Tom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUXEDO (Captain Picard): A line must be drawn HERE!
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
Part 10 - Oh great, it's that guy again
CROW: They're bringing back Hortense?
OTHERS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
S.KNIGHT: In every dark cloud, there's a silver lining.
FALCON: ...And?
S.KNIGHT: Just saying...
Last time on EGFAD:
TOM: Enter Goomba Forrester's Atrocious Dungeon?
TUXEDO: Ecchi Guys Form a Dynasty?
FALCON: Everyone, Get Falcon A Drink!
S.KNIGHT: Ahem? Do we look like your personal servants???
CROW: Personally, I like Tuxy's better!
TUXEDO: Can it, Crow, and don't call me Tuxy!
Fox brought Mr. Sparkle....I mean Homer Simpson
FALCON (Jupiter Knight): ....I mean Mr. Plow....I mean Max Power...
and family to the wonderful world of Sailormoon, as well as making the hands
TOM: ...have five fingers instead of four! Such is the power of the Evil Guy!
and attacks of the Senshi glow colours and stuff.
FALCON (Stoned): Woah dude, the walls are melting again...
As a one time only special, LeVar Bouyer was also killed. And now, the news.
S.KNIGHT (Newscaster): Today's top story, LeVar Bouyer was...aw, damn Jupiter Knight! Always one step ahead of me!
* * * * *
Evil Guy waddled around,
CROW: Hey, Evil Guy is being played by "Jump And Duck"!
TUXEDO: Yah! Don't bring that up!
trying to figure out another scheme to continue failing to kill the Senshi. He needed someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet.
TOM: You mean Evil Guy's gonna call the hordes of the Otaku? He really IS evil!
"I need someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet," said Evil Guy.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out from the last few seconds, here's a recap...
Yes, he needed someone that knew the Senshi and isn't dead yet.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out from the last few seconds, here's a recap...
I have the perfect person for the job! Er, I mean "I have the perfect person for the job!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
CROW: Just in case you tuned out...
S.KNIGHT: We get it, Crow.
* * * * *
TUXEDO: Uh, oh. It's an on-the-spot ink-blot test!
FALCON: I think I see...the good grammar and punctuation JK forgot to use!
Chibiusa and Diana wandered around for a while.
TOM: You know, walked into a few walls, tripped over a few beer cans, encountered Ryouga...
What else would they do?
CROW: Yeah, they haven't even found a decent casino yet!
Their in a desolate post-apocalyptic Tokyo.
TUXEDO: I thought they were Chibiusa and Diana?
S.KNIGHT: Just ignore that, dear.
However, due to unforseen circumstances,
TOM: ...A giant hole opened in the ground and swallowed the two of them whole! HAHAHAHA!
FALCON: Feeling dark today, buddy?
TOM: Just a bit...
they stumbled across a rip in the fabric of space, a portal to another dimension, if you will.
S.KNIGHT: I didn't know space was made of fabric?
CROW: Weak, Silver.
S.KNIGHT: Hey, at least I try.
"I didn't know space was made of fabric," said Chibiusa.
ALL: ...
TUXEDO: (Sigh) And the dance continues...
"Should we go through, Small Lady?" asked Diana.
She shrugged and said, "Why not? Puu isn't going to be back any time soon.
FALCON (Chibi-usa): My constipation is gone! I feel so free!
S.KNIGHT: Oh, ick!
She's probably stoned somewhere near the edge of a volcano, for all we know."
CROW (Pluto): Woah, this volcanic ash is some good s(BLEEP)t!
And so, our two brave heroines
TOM: ...were smoked by Sailor Pluto, and she got so stoned that she fell in that volcano! HAHAHAHA!
TUXEDO: I think we need to play Tom's N 'Sync tapes backwards and see what kind of demonic messages he's gotten into.
(remind me again, what are they trying to save?
TUXEDO: Us! They're coming to save us!
TOM: We're in here!
CROW: Bring snacks!
Oh yeah, nothing in particular, just their boredom)
S.KNIGHT: Oh, and our boredom doesn't amount to anything, huh?
entered the dimensional portal and emerged on the other side.....
FALCON: The super computer!
CROW: Crud, a Reboot crossover.
WE INTERUPT THIS FANFIC FOR AN IMPORTANT NOTICE:
TOM (JK): I am a doody-head. Thank you.
S.KNIGHT (Ed): The cheese is always twice the fencepost!
TUXEDO: Fire drill! Everyone exit the theater!
(All get up from their seats.)
DR. F.: (Over the P.A. system) Do I really have to say anything?
TUXEDO: Hey, it was worth a shot.
(All sit down again.)
Crossover alert! Crossover alert! This is a very pointless crossover alert that hasn't been done for any previous crossovers in this fanfic!
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FANFIC
CROW: Damn, it IS a Reboot crossover!
S.KNIGHT: Now look what you've done!
CROW: It's not my fault! I swear!
What the two saw before them was huge. It was a great big cone with the vertex chopped off. It was also a really, really big building. They wandered around for a while, seeing several things that looked like big robots, a poster for some group called The Replicants, and a conveniently placed calendar that gave the year 2032.
TUXEDO: Uh...yeah...
FALCON: And the plot thinnens...
* * * * *
TOM: Crap! They discovered the password to my favorite porn site!
FALCON: I thought it was "Underwear"
TOM: Oh yeah, it's too short to be...HEY!
Haruka asked, "So, today, do what and stuff?"
CROW: Wha...?
S.KNIGHT: Did Dr. Thinker get a hold of the keyboard or something?
Michiru answered, "Uh, things."
TUXEDO (Michiru): And...stuff, and...you know...the usual...
Hotaru entered the unspecified room and said, "That Kintaro guy has been taken care of."
FALCON: Yep, that ol' boss from Mortal Kombat II got what he deserved!
Haruka asked, "What did you do to him?"
Hotaru grinned evilly and said, "I super-glued his face to a toilet in the mens room of a gas station."
TOM: And so, an old boss screams "Finish Me!" at the to of his lungs.
* * * * *
"I want a premonition! I want a premonition!" exclaimed Rei.
TUXEDO: Well, I want a pony, but you don't see me getting my wish, now do you?
Very well said the author.
ALL: ...
S.KNIGHT: I want an escape shuttle! I want an escape shuttle!
FALCON: I want Chyna! I want Chyna!
TOM: I want an ending to this fic! I want an ending to this fic!
TUXEDO: I want a pony! I want a pony!
CROW: I want some panties! I want some panties!
(There are a few minutes of dead silence in the Theater.)
CROW: ...Well, it was worth a shot.
TUXEDO: And I'm still waiting for my pony!
"Ooh, purdy cullers.
FALCON: Uh oh. Pluto's been hitting the acid again...
And what the hell is that guy doing here again? Haven't we seen him brought out of a deep freeze millions of times in other fanfics?!" exclaimed Rei.
"Kuso!" exclaimed Makoto. "Who?"
"You know, Jadeite," answered Rei.
TOM: Didn't Tuxy do that in his fanfic?
(Tuxedo Alex sinks down in his seat.)
S.KNIGHT: Alex? Hello...?
CROW: Hey, he's blushing!
FALCON: And we didn't even say anything about him and Silver!
(Tuxedo sinks further down.)
S.KNIGHT: You're crossing the line, buddy...
"Never met him," said Makoto.
"I guess you wouldn't have. To make a long story short, first General of Dark Kingdom, he lasted 12 episodes, got stuck in an eternal sleep type thing."
TOM: And then he was revived by Lilithite, and the Senshi lost their powers, and...
TUXEDO: Would you SHUT UP?!?
"Who?" asked Usagi.
"Jadeite," answered Ami.
"Oh, the blond guy with very little personality," said Usagi.
CROW: What do you expect from a guy named after a rock?
"So, a male version of my DiC counterpart?" asked Minako.
"Uh, you could say that...." said Rei.
S.KNIGHT: Geez, there is NO END to this! NO END!
* * * * *
"Let's skip the plot and go straight for the fight, huh?" suggested Evil Guy.
TUXEDO: Wow, just like the other nine parts!
TOM: So it's same old, same old, huh JK?
* * * * *
On some street somewhere in the Tokyo area of Japan on Earth,
FALCON: As opposed to the Tokyo area of Japan in Andromeda...
(Suddenly, Tuxedo Alex begins to levitate out of his seat.)
CROW: Huh? Tuxy? What's going on?
a few girls with short skirts, a guy in a tuxedo, two cats and some...things in leather appeared with no prior notice.
(Tuxedo starts to run around the theater, screaming obscenities.)
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
S.KNIGHT: Alex! What're you doing!
FALCON: Oh, no! The fanfic's gotten to him!
TOM: He's out of control!
(Silver gets up to try and stop him. When Tuxedo passes them, she grabs him around the waist.)
S.KNIGHT: Alex, STOP!
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
And there he was, the most dreaded of all villains in the entire Sailormoon story *snicker*, Jadeite!!!!!!!!!!
Jadeite looked at his adversaries, only recognizing five of them. "I think I need an introduction to the rest," said Jadeite.
CROW: Oh, come on! Not another pointless intro!
(Tuxedo Alex continues to run around the theater, dragging Silver behind him.)
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
S.KNIGHT: HELP! I CAN'T STOP HIM!
(Falcon Knight gets up, and runs into Tuxedo, pushing him to a halt.)
FALCON: UURRGH...Snap out of it, man!
TUXEDO: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
Everyone else sighed, except Tuxedo Alex, who swore profusely and ran around the theatre like a madman on acid. The author grinned evilly :)
TOM: Huh?
CROW: Dammit! Tuxy didn't lose it! JK wrote him into the fanfic!
TOM: That lousy bastard!
(Tuxedo suddenly stops his forward progress around the theater, falls to the ground, and faints.)
FALCON: Tuxy?
S.KNIGHT: Alex?...(She puts her ear to his chest. She then breathes a sigh of relief.) Good, he's still breathing.
FALCON: I heard what the bots said. Damn that Jupiter Knight!
(Silver and Falcon carry Tuxedo back to his seat.)
TOM: Is he okay?
S.KNIGHT: He'll be fine. Just let him rest.
"Do we have to do this every time? I'm getting tired of this. I'm Sailor Moon, the heroine of this godforsaken fanfic.
S.KNIGHT (Sailor Pluto): Did someone say heroine?
CROW (Sailor Moon): (sigh) No, Pluto.
I don't know why I'm introducing myself, you already know who I am."
"I'm Sailor Mercury, the smart one.
FALCON (Sailor Venus): I'm Sailor Venus, the funny one!
TOM (Tuxedo Mask): I'm Tuxedo Mask, the handsome one!
CROW (Sailor Jupiter): I'm Sailor Jupiter, the butch one!
I'm sure you know me, too. You tried to get a youma to suck my energy into a computer."
"I'm Sailor Mars, the one who stuck that ofuda on your back before a jet nearly flattened you.
TOM (Jadeite): Okay, which ofuda scroll was that? The green one, the white one, the little one with the flower in the middle...I can't remember, there were so many!
I think you would've died a more pleasant death getting run over by that plane than what's going to happen today."
S.KNIGHT (Mars): We're going to make you read EGFAD!
CROW (Mercury): And after that, Rini's Change of Fortune!
FALCON (JK): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"I'm Tuxedo Mask, you tried to kill on more than one occasion and I have plenty of memories about things and stuff."
TOM (Tuxedo Mask): Yeah, I remember when I used to be an integral part of the story line! Now all I do is SPOUT MEANINGLESS SPEECHES AND SAY "NOW, SAILOR MOON!" IT'S NOT FAIR DAMMIT! IT'S NOT FAIR!
CROW: Woah, chill!
"I'm Luna, just a cat that can talk."
The rest seemed quite enthusiastic.
S.KNIGHT: Must've been brainwashed.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! I hate you, you pathetic SOB!
TOM (Jupiter): 'Cause Stone Cold said so!
I don't even know who you are!"
"I'm Sailor Venus! I have more personality than you, so there!"
FALCON: My personality is better than your personality, you big doody-booger poopy head!
"I'm Artemis! I'm the white cat, as if you couldn't tell!"
CROW: Oh yes, Artemis. Preach your racist comments all over this fanfic! Watch your popularity go straight down the drain!
FALCON: I don't think that's how he meant it...
"I'm Sailor Pluto! I'm all doped up and ready to go to bed with you!"
TOM: Really?
S.KNIGHT: Tom!
TOM: Sorry...
"I'm Sailor Uranus! Judging from what I've been told about you, you should be an unbelievably weak opponent!"
"I'm Sailor Neptune! The author is sneezing over and over again!
CROW: Hey, we talk about him so much, how can he not?
It's all your fault and it's making him type slower! I want to get this over with!"
FALCON: ...Okay, so do I. Everyone, don't mention JK!
TOM: Hey, you just said JK!
CROW: Now you've just said JK!
S.KNIGHT: Everyone just SHUT UP!
(All others stay remarkably silent.)
S.KNIGHT: Wow, a little women's touch goes a long way.
"I'm Sailor Saturn! Death Reborn....oh, I shouldn't do that now."
"I'm Sailor Star Fighter! I don't know why I'm here!"
"I'm Sailor Star Maker! I hate these introductions!"
"I'm Sailor Star Healer! I prefer being Nuriko!"
CROW: Wha...?
TOM: Great, now the author's losing it.
"Chibi Chibi, Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon, Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi!"
S.KNIGHT: For all those who don't know Japanese, here you go: "Small small, Sailor Small Small Moon, Small! Small small small!"
"Mister Author, can we sign a contract so that we don't have to do these introductions again?" asked Sailor Moon.
ALL: YES! SIGN THE CONTRACT! PLEASE!
TUXEDO: ...ugh...
The author ponders for a few moments.......ponders......ponders.... Still pondering.
FALCON: Come on! If we influence this dang thing in any way, we say to SIGN THE DAMN CONTRACT!
I guess so.
ALL: YES!
The Senshi sign the contract, along with the author insert signature. Now, I just have to think of something more diabolical! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
CROW: Well, until that happens, we're safe.
TOM: What if he writes us into the next part?
FALCON: SHUT UP! NO MORE IDEAS!
"Hello? Can we get on with this now?" asked Jadeite.
(Tuxedo Alex slowly comes to.)
TUXEDO: Uh...my head...what happened.
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight wrote you into the fanfic.
TUXEDO: Oh, so that explains why I feel so dirty.
Before he could attack, Saddam Hussein came up to him and said,
FALCON (Hussein): Hi, remember me? I used to be the main enemy! Just thought I'd make a pointless cameo! Guess I'll be on my way now. Do-de-do-de-do...
"If I were you, I'd give up now."
FALCON: Well, at least I was close.
CROW: No you weren't!
FALCON: (sigh) I know.
The author agreed. Since the Sailor Senshi are far more powerful now, Jadeite would be nothing more than a minor annoyance.
TUXEDO: Unlike this fanfic, which turned out to be a major annoyance.
TOM: That was kinda weak.
TUXEDO: Give me a minute! I was dramatized yet again!
"Excuse me, but I want my revenge," said Jadeite. "Now...." he started.
"Venus Love and Beauty Shock.....1/4 power," Sailor Venus said with about as much interest as an atheist would have in church.
CROW: First racism, now religious insults! JK, you're going down!
Poof. Jadeite turned into nothing more than a pile of dust.
"Well, that was pointless," said Sailor Mars.
S.KNIGHT: (Sigh) Shall you Alex, or shall I?
TUXEDO: You do the honors.
S.KNIGHT: Okay. (Deep breath) LIKE THIS 'FIC?!?
FALCON: Good job.
"I'm going home," said Sailor Jupiter.
"Let's go Michiru, maybe we can have sex without these damned interruptions," said Sailor Uranus.
CROW: Don't worry, ladies, you won't even know I'm around!
S.KNIGHT: CROW!
Everyone slowly dispersed, except Sailor Venus.
TOM: Gee, was she "hit unconscious" again?
She was standing half naked in the crowded street, trying to change out of her fuku.
BOTS: (Drool flows out of their mouth)
TUXEDO: GUYS!
FALCON: I never knew you guys could drool!
* * * * *
TUXEDO: Great, I'm still seeing stars!
"Foiled again!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
CROW (Mojo Jojo): Cuuuuuuuurrrseeeees...
"I guess I should have seen this coming. A villain from the first series would have no chance against everyone from Sailor Stars. Now, if only I could think of someone from the sixth series, which doesn't exist and probably never will exist."
S.KNIGHT: Existence is within the mind of the beholder.
FALCON: ...And?
S.KNIGHT: Boy, you just can't take a philosophical statement without your brain shutting down, can you?
* * * * *
Next time on SM:EGFAD:
TOM: It's an Elvis crossover!
TUXEDO: Don't give the author...
TOM: I don't give a crap! It's gonna happen! You just know it! We'll be hearing "Hunka Hunka Burning Love" faster than we get our next experiment!
TUXEDO: TOM! Calm down! It's almost over!
Usagi: Mamo-chan!
Mamoru: Usako!
Usagi: Mamo-chan!
Mamoru: Usako!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
TUXEDO: Michelle!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
TUXEDO: Michelle!
TOM: Parn!
Miaka: Tamahomeeeeeeee!!!!
Tamahome: Miakaaaaaa!!!!
Usagi: Ahem.
Chibiusa: Tamahomeeeeeee!!!!
S.KNIGHT: Alex!
CROW: Parn!
TOM: Parn!
TUXEDO: Huh?
CROW: Parn!
Ail and Fiore: Miakaaaaa!!!!
Usagi: Will you stop that?
All characters voiced by Araki Kae and Midorikawa Hikaru: Gomen.
Rei: What the hell is going on?
FALCON: Parn?
TOM: Parn!
FALCON: Oh, Parn!
CROW: Parn!
TUXEDO: Stop it.
TOM: Parn!
FALCON: Parn!
S.KNIGHT: Stop it...
Yaten: Hotohori!
Tiger's Eye: Nuri....I mean Miaka!!!!
Ann: Tamahome! Miaka! Nakago?
FALCON & BOTS: Parn!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: STOP IT!
(An uncomfortable silence follows.)
TOM (Whispering): Parn?
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD!
(Hundreds of energy stars emanate from Silver's hands and strike Tom out of his seat.)
TUXEDO: You just had to push her buttons, didn't you?
TOM: (From the floor) Bite me!
S.KNIGHT: And Lodoss War is such a good series, too...
Makoto: I hope this isn't happening next time.
Minako: You never know with this author.
TUXEDO: We do.
S.KNIGHT: It will.
CROW: It'll hurt.
FALCON: Bad.
Golly gee, wasn't that fun?
TOM: Well gosh and golly, gee whilikers! Bite me!
TUXEDO: It's almost over, geez...
It's been how long since I did one of these?
ALL: TOO LONG!
FALCON: (Looks over to you.) Bet you didn't see that one coming!
MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL ALERT! FOURTH WALL ALERT!
(The klaxons start to go off again.)
TUXEDO: ADAM!
FALCON: What?
Anyway, now that I got this one over with, I now have episode 10 of BSSM Knights to do. Happy fun time! You know where to e-mail me at: jarcher@direct.ca. Meri kurisumasu ando a happi nuu yeaa!
S.KNIGHT: Hey, it's over! Everyone kept his or her sanity?
OTHERS: No...
S.KNIGHT: I meant more so than usual.
FALCON: I guess...
CROW: Than lets get out of here!
(They all exit the theater.)
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
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BACK ON THE SOL
(Tuxedo Alex and Falcon Knight get back to work, wading through all the pizza boxes. Sailor Silver Knight goes to help while Tom and Crow go to the garbage disposal unit to dispose of all the boxes.)
S.KNIGHT: What do you want me to do?
FALCON: Grab that board over there and check for any burns or something.
TUXEDO: We'll go through these boards over here.
S.KNIGHT: Okay. Ready to get rid of these boxes, Tom?
TOM: We're on it! Open the hatch, Crow.
CROW: Got it!
(Crow presses the button to open the door to the garbage chute. Nothing happens.)
TOM: Come on, Crow, we don't have all day!
CROW: I'm trying! (He presses the button multiple times.) The darn thing won't open!
TOM: Great. Just great.
TUXEDO: We can't get the garbage chute open?
CROW: I said I was trying! (He presses a few more times before the button falls off.) Uh-oh...Tom did it!
S.KNIGHT: Did what?!?
TOM: Huh? I didn't do anything!
CROW: It was his fault!
FALCON: So, we're stuck with these boxes everywhere?
TUXEDO: ARGH! Is everything going wrong on this ship?
S.KNIGHT: Don't worry, I'm on it.
FALCON: (To Cambot) This could take a while. Why don't you check on the Mads or something? We got work to do.
@@@@@
DEEP 13 1/3
(The Lobster monster has been locked up in a laser cage. Doctor Forrester has reattached Frank's head for the 87th time. At the moment, they are in serious discussion.)
FRANK: Good news, Steve. Everything is going according to plan!
DR. F.: Wow...that's something I rarely hear from you. So, the Satellite is prepped?
FRANK: Yep. The errors are happening all over the ship. Even their garbage is on the fritz!
DR. F.: Excellent. The flaws are minor, but soon they'll grow. Heck, in a week or two, they won't even have power. The best thing is, they won't even find the hardware error causing these fluctuations! They don't even have a clue...
@@@@@
Author's Notes
Wow, talk about weird. The riffing of this chapter was months in the making, and yet I finish it, AND the host segments in one day! I think I'm finally getting my inspiration back! YAHOO! I just hope that I'll find the time between college, and work, and homework, and this, and that, and the other thing, and life, to complete these regularly. I'm going to try, though! Oh, by the way, pay attention to the next two parts, for they will officially conclude this interesting plot twist I threw in. See ya then!
Stinger: Now, I just have to think of something more diabolical! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!