Amice's Viewpoints
Autumn followed summer, and winter followed autumn, and life went on. Amice got letters from Emma, and saw Emma herself once in a while.
Amice killed her first person, hunting bandits with Alianne. She dreamed about it sometimes.
The boy, for he was barely older than herself, had cut the throat of his hostage, the one she had tried to save, and turned to run. Without thinking, Amice had heaved back her spear and thrown. The spear had hit him between the shoulder blades. He toppled down. Amice had thrown her arms out and cried out to the heavens.
"Forgive me, Goddess!"
- - - - -
Amice woke, her room filled with the stench of sweat, flat on her back, with cold persperation on her forehead.
She went to her privy and splashed water in her face. She had had the same recurring dream three nights in a row. Disgusted with herself, and knowing that she would get no more sleep tonight.
Silently she padded back to her room and dressed. The open shutters permitted bright moonlight to stream in.
As she pulled on her second boot, Amice stoped and leaned her head against her knee. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much. She had killed other people, and had no qualms. Why that boy stayed in her mind so much bothered her. How was she ever going to be a knight if she couldn't stomach this?
Only a sentry was awake as she slipped into the palace temple for the Lady Song (see one of the early viewpoints for explanation). She sat and meditated.
Questions settled down as she began. Slowly, piece by piece, she recalled the event.
It left a sour taste in her mouth, seeing the young millwright's daughter crumple, her throat and chest turning red. The terrified look in the boy's eyes was something she almost empathized with. Duty had taken over at the last second, and Amice had thrown her spear.
The dawn bell chimed softly, and Amice came out of her trance. Alianne was leaning against the door, smiling. "I thought that this is where you'd be."
Amice looked down, turning red. "I'm sorry."
Alianne walked over and put an arm around Amice's shoulders. "There's nothing to be sorry about. You need to think."
Amice hung her head. "How am I ever going to be a knight, Alianne? Why is it bothering me so much?"
Alianne wasn't a fool, and knew what Amice was talking about. She hugged her sister closer. "Amice, it isn't wrong. It's what sets us apart from the bad guys. What makes a person evil is that they don't know, or care, about the bad they do. We think, and feel bad, and try to make amends. That's how we face ourselves. And the gods know it."
Amice exhaled. The rawness that she felt was ebbing away. "Thanks."
Autumn followed summer, and winter followed autumn, and life went on. Amice got letters from Emma, and saw Emma herself once in a while.
Amice killed her first person, hunting bandits with Alianne. She dreamed about it sometimes.
The boy, for he was barely older than herself, had cut the throat of his hostage, the one she had tried to save, and turned to run. Without thinking, Amice had heaved back her spear and thrown. The spear had hit him between the shoulder blades. He toppled down. Amice had thrown her arms out and cried out to the heavens.
"Forgive me, Goddess!"
- - - - -
Amice woke, her room filled with the stench of sweat, flat on her back, with cold persperation on her forehead.
She went to her privy and splashed water in her face. She had had the same recurring dream three nights in a row. Disgusted with herself, and knowing that she would get no more sleep tonight.
Silently she padded back to her room and dressed. The open shutters permitted bright moonlight to stream in.
As she pulled on her second boot, Amice stoped and leaned her head against her knee. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much. She had killed other people, and had no qualms. Why that boy stayed in her mind so much bothered her. How was she ever going to be a knight if she couldn't stomach this?
Only a sentry was awake as she slipped into the palace temple for the Lady Song (see one of the early viewpoints for explanation). She sat and meditated.
Questions settled down as she began. Slowly, piece by piece, she recalled the event.
It left a sour taste in her mouth, seeing the young millwright's daughter crumple, her throat and chest turning red. The terrified look in the boy's eyes was something she almost empathized with. Duty had taken over at the last second, and Amice had thrown her spear.
The dawn bell chimed softly, and Amice came out of her trance. Alianne was leaning against the door, smiling. "I thought that this is where you'd be."
Amice looked down, turning red. "I'm sorry."
Alianne walked over and put an arm around Amice's shoulders. "There's nothing to be sorry about. You need to think."
Amice hung her head. "How am I ever going to be a knight, Alianne? Why is it bothering me so much?"
Alianne wasn't a fool, and knew what Amice was talking about. She hugged her sister closer. "Amice, it isn't wrong. It's what sets us apart from the bad guys. What makes a person evil is that they don't know, or care, about the bad they do. We think, and feel bad, and try to make amends. That's how we face ourselves. And the gods know it."
Amice exhaled. The rawness that she felt was ebbing away. "Thanks."