Harry Potter
And the
Silver Bullet Faction
When we last left Harry, he and the Weasleys appeared to be having a little trouble with vampires. Meanwhile, at the Silver Bullet Faction Headquarters, Donald Knots and his partner Reg were paid an unexpected visit...
Chapter 3
King's Cross
The sunlight poured into the smeared window, waking Harry. Bill and Charlie had left the day after Harry's birthday, which, due to adversities, was not celebrated extravagantly. Everyone was still scared stiff about the attacks that had occurred, but got around to sleeping into their own rooms.
"All right, everyone up." Mr. Weasley called down from the hall.
"Oh, yeah." Harry muttered. Today they went to Kings Cross to board the Hogwarts express. He got up to get dressed and hurried downstairs for breakfast.
Mrs. Weasley greeted him with a plate piled with toast and eggs and bacon.
"Hurry up, boys, the Ministry will be here soon! Does everyone have their stuff packed up?" He glanced at Harry. They didn't mind when his trunk arrived the next day, but were a little uneasy when Hedwig's cage came with a spot of blood on it.
Thump! Thump!
"That's them, they're here! Get your things out!" Mr. Weasley was a lot more fussy than usual (and he usually was never). Especially when he got wind of...
He opened the door and jumped back.
"Reg! Donald! What are you doing here!"
"We're with the ministry to brief you on what's been happening... and part of your security."
"But... but I heard the Faction Headquarters was attacked just after I last talked to you."
"Yes. I didn't have my wand on me, But I'm glad that Muggle that works with us showed me how to use that wand thing they call a 'gun'." Reg said.
"Yeah, I had it in my desk. Honestly, sometimes they're pretty smart. But the cars are out here and-what the hell are you doing?" He stared at a cross Mr. Weasley was pulling out of his coat. "Arthur, I'm walking in broad daylight, you know if I was a vampire I'd be fried."
"Oh, yeah... I'm sorry, I'm just really jumpy about the last few days."
"I understand. But have you noticed-Muggles, especially the children, seem to know more about magical creatures than us at times? I mean, they even have games and things, and we have to teach our kids about it."
"Yeah, I know. Weird. But can you give us some help with these trunks? We're ready to go now." Mr. Weasley began to lug a trunk, and Harry came to help. Soon they were all loaded up and drove off away from The Burrow.
"So Arthur, we want you to be on the lookout even and especially when you're having a raid. Anything you might think may be linked to these events, don't hesitate to show us."
"And the ministry?"
"They're on it. After the attack, they can see that something is going on. And anything you may think may link the vampires to You-Know-Who, show them immediately. Fudge looks down on the Faction, and hardly believes us."
"I see. All right, I'll see what I can do. The Malfoys-maybe we can get them. They were in league with You-Know-Who. My son told me about a passage under their drawing room. How he found out, I have barely a clue. But I'm sure we'll find out."
"Good, Arthur. Because we really need the Ministry's cooperation. And we're running out of time-fast.
* * *
"Garef," The head in the green flames spoke, "Whatcha doing?"
"Nothing," The tall, bearded vampire said. "Just chillin' out. Having some Blud(tm)."
"True, true."
"Hang on, someone else's on the other line." Another head in the fireplace appeared.
"Wasabi?" The second guy smiled.
"WASABI!!" Garef yelled.
"WASABI!!!" The third guy laughed, with his tongue sticking out.
"Hang on." Garef told them. "Hey, Bern!"
"What?"
"Pick up the phone!"
The second Vampire put his head in another fireplace, and it appeared in the first.
"WASABI!" The second one yelled.
"WASABI!" Bern replied.
"WASABI!!!" Garef laughed.
"WAAASAAABIII!" The fourth guy said.
"Heh... later guys."
"Later." Bern disappeared.
"Later." The second guys head vanished.
"So," Garef said to the first guy. "Whatcha doing?"
"Chilling out. Having a Blud(tm)."
"True, true."
* * *
Harry took a deep breath and pushed his trolley toward platform nine and three quarters. He was pretty used to doing this, but this time it seemed different. He knew there would be danger at Hogwarts this year, but what he was afraid of most was someone like Dobby making the barrier solid again. For some reason, Mrs. Weasley told Ron that he had to help Harry push the trolley, even though Harry insisted it was easy. It turns out a muggle had leaned against the barrier and fallen in, and they had to use memory charms to cover it up. Now the barrier was enchanted so that you could only enter with a trolley, which they knew nobody who didn't know about the barrier wouldn't try to crash it.
Harry loaded his trunk into their usual compartment, and then they waited for the scarlet train to start moving. Mrs. Weasley gave Ron, Ginny, and the twins each a bag of money to buy sweets from the witch pushing the candy cart down the aisle.
Hermione joined them and they took their seats. They felt the train vibrate as it began to rumble down the track.
Almost immediately, they heard footsteps in the aisle. Ron got up and looked down it.
"It's Malfoy. And he looks hellbent on revenge. He's got his wand out."
"Crabbe and Goyle?"
"You know them, even if they could figure out how to use a wand, they wouldn't need it."
"Well, shut the compartment door. Wands out." Ron and Hermione took theirs out to cover Harry while he opened his trunk to get his wand.
Draco strutted up right outside the door and stopped. Through the textured glass, Harry could see him raise and arm, and snap his fingers.
Crabbe grabbed the door and flung it open so fast it shattered.
"Stupefy!" Draco shouted madly, and Ron and Hermione fell back unconscious. Harry stared in shock.
"Now for you, Potter!" He aimed the wand, and Harry didn't have his. But he was a fast thinker. He grabbed the biggest piece of glass he could find and raised it in front of him.
"Stupefy!" Draco shouted again. A crimson ray of light split the air, and hit the glass Harry held. It divided into about twenty beams, all hitting Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.
"That's the second time I've ever seen a piece of glass refract a spell." A voice said. "The first time, I ended up killing two dark vizards."
"Who?" Harry looked outside the compartment. There was no one there. Someone tapped his shoulder.
He jumped. There, behind him, stood a muscular, dark haired man with a mustache.
"Good morning. I'm Doctor Ivan String, your new Defense Against zhe Dark Arts teacher." He said with a Russian accent.
"Er- hello. I'm Harry. Harry Potter." He held out his hand, and Doctor String shook it.
"It appears you're friends vere not so lucky. But zhat vas a very smart thing you did. I admire cleverness. That's vhy this year, you'll behaving double defense lessons with zhe Ravenclaws."
"Really?" Harry just might get to see Cho in his classes.
"Zhat, and minor funding problems." Doctor string laughed. "But anyvay." He raised his wand. "Ennervate!" He tapped Ron and Hermione. Then he pointed it at the door. "Reparo!" The glass reformed.
"Wow, who's this guy? Did he take out Malfoy?" Ron glanced up.
"I am Ivan String, your new Defense Against zhe Dark Arts Teacher. And your very clever friend here vas the von who Mister Malfoy."
"Wow, Harry, you don't even have your wand."
"Professor String?" Harry asked.
"Yes?"
"What were you talking about, the last time you saw a spell refracted?"
"Oh, Vell, I vas lucky enough to have a piece of glass jammed in my vist vhen a dark vizard vas about to perform zhe Kedavra curse on me. It bounced back onto him and his partner. I'm an auror, you know."
"Oh, wow. Last year professor Moody said I was the only one who survived it."
"I read about zhat in zhe Daily Profit. Vasn't he a phony?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Vell, I can't vait to begin teaching you zis year. I believe you have covered curses and dangerous creatures, so this year ve vill be vorking on Dark Demihumans."
"Dark Demihumans?"
"Yes. Vampires, elves, goblins, dark versions of them. Bevare, It vill be a tough year." Doctor String walked out past Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who were all stirring.
"I'll confiscate these until you can find something better to do than hurt people vith zhem! Expelliarmus!" String shouted, and Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyles wands flew up off the floor, and he caught them.
"Goodbye." Professor String suddenly disappeared.
"Cool. I hope he teaches us how to do that." Ron said.
* * *
Garef walked into the small parlor and looked up.
"Bern, I really like Japanese food, but I'm starting to crave blood again, you know."
"Yeah, I know, Garef." His friend, Bern said. "We can start collecting minions for you tonight."
"Yeah. After dinner. I'm glad you found an all night Japanese food joint."
"Here your Herbal tea, sir, he handed Bern a steaming cup. "And here your wasabi." He set a plate in front of Garef."
"Wasabi?"
"Wasabi." The waiter replied.
"Wasabi?" Bern asked.
"WASABI!" Garef shouted over to the front counter.
"WASABI!!!" The three chefs behind the counter smiled.
"WASABI!" Bern laughed.
"WASABI!" The waiter yelled.
"WASABI!" The chefs behind the counter gave them thumbs up.
"WAAASAAABIII!" Garef laughed, and bared his teeth.
* * *
The Hogwart's express charged on down the tracks passing the hot country afternoon by. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had all bought a large quantity of sweets, including chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott's every flavor beans, cauldron cakes, and various other interesting sweet items. They sat around eating and drinking iced pumpkin juice (new-in a convenient can, inspired by a muggle idea! Twelve knuts a can wherever it's sold!)
"Pah pah pah pah pah, pah pah pah pah pah, the joy of pumpkin..."
"Ron, what are you singing?" Harry asked.
"Sorry, nothing." He blushed.
Beep!
"What's that?" Harry looked over at Hermione.
"Oh, I got it in Diagon alley! It's a Magicom. You just say whosever name you want to talk to, and it hooks you up with them! That is, if they have one." She pulled out what looked like a muggle cell phone. "But I bought two, and I just lost te other today. I wonder where it is?"
Ring!
"Don't get it, Hermione." Ron mumbled. Hermione picked up the phone and didn't heed his words.
"Hello." She said.
"Meow!"
"Crookshanks!"
"Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow- meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow!"
"Crookshanks!" She laughed again.
"Meow, meow, meow!"
"What did she have to say?"
"I think she's hungry."
"Hey, there it is!" Ron pointed out the window. In the distance was Hogwarts castle.
"Hey, I just thought of something. Isn't Hogwarts a type of flower... didn't anyone know that?" Hermione said. They all stared in silence.
"Anyway..." Harry muttered.
The train stopped abruptly, and they began to unload their trunks. As they crossed the bridge, they watched the first years rowing across the river with Hagrid in the rowboats.
"Wow. Remember when we first did this?" Harry looked down.
"Yeah. Five years ago. I can't wait to see the sorting."
"It's happening in a few minutes. Come on." They entered the great hall and met Nearly Headless Nick reading a magazine.
"What's that you're reading, Nick?"
"General interest magazines." Nick showed them the issue. "Did you hear? G.Y.S.T.E. dropped dead at almost a hundred and forty points yesterday."
"Oh, man... that really stinks. Er- we gotta go." Harry said, and hurried off with Ron and Hermione, wondering why ghosts invested in stocks, or, read magazines, for that matter. His question was half answered when he passed Professor Flitwick telling off peeves for leaving around copies of Playghost, undoubtedly hoping the students would see the trash.
They entered the great hall and sat down just in time for the sorting. Professor McGonaggall brought in the stool and sat the hat upon it, which ripped open a wide mouth at the brim and began to speak...
"Welcome, one and all, to your first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now, normally, I would rip open and sing a cheesy-ass song, but do you know what it's like to do the same thing for all eternity, making up these stupid songs? I thought this year, we'd spice things up!!! Professor!" McGonagall walked forward ad pulled out her wand, tapped it against the hat, and muttered "Sonorus!"
Immediately, the great hall boomed with the hat's voice.
"WASUP Y'ALL? LE'S RAISE DA ROOF!!!" The crowd actually stood and screamed with excitement. A small group in the front started to jump up and down as the hat began its song.
"WHATUP? WHATUP? WHATUP? WHATUP?
NOW MY RHYMES BE BURNIN'
WHILE 'DIS YEAR YOU BE LEARNIN'
AND YOUR HEADS BE TURNIN'
NOW IS YO STOMACH CHURNIN'?
NOW SCREAM!"
"YEAH!"
"NOW SCREAM!"
"YEEEAAAHHH!!!"
"'DAS RIGHT, YA'LL!
I'M DA SORTIN' HAT
AND I CAN BUSTA RHYME PHAT
HOGWARTS IS WHERE IT'S AT
WHAT ABOUT THAT?
NOW IN GRYFFINDOR
DWELL THE LOUD AND THE BRAVE!
HUFFLEPUFF'S SO TOUGH
EVEN THE FIRST YEAR BOYS SHAVE!
RAVENCLAW
NO TEST THOSE DUDES CAN'T LICK!
AS FOR SLYTHERIN
ONLY ONE WORD-SLICK!*
NOW THE HOGWARTS STUDENTS CAN GET DOWN
ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND!
JUMP UP JUMP UP AND GET DOWN
ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE GROUND!
YEAH, JUMP JUMP JUMP, YEAH, JUMP JUMP JUMP!"
* Note; This author does not in any way support Slytherin, Voldemort, or any of their agents or affiliates.
The great hall erupted in cheers as the sorting hat finished its song.
"Thanks, y'all! You're a great audience from the a-u-d to the i-e-n-c-e! Now, without further ado, I'm presenting to you, the sorting!!!"
"Arsenic, Cyan!"
"Slytherin!" The hat shouted, and the girl hurried off.
"Assonite, Will!" The boy walked up to the front and put on the hat.
"Slytherin!" The hat bellowed again.
"Cranial, Richard!"
"SLYTHERIN!" The hat screeched, and the boy walked off to the Slytherin table with a smug smirk. Man, everyone's becoming a Slytherin, Harry thought, We may not have any new Gryffindors this year.
"Ellis, Marv!" McGonaggall shouted. A handsome first year stepped up and pulled out a long white stick.
"He bought it!" Fred said beside Harry. "That's our new joke product, Mentos. It freshens your breath, and gives you whatever you want when you eat one!"
The boy threw his head back and one of the mints fell in his mouth. Suddenly a voice boomed...
"...Nothing gets to you, staying fresh, staying cool, and Mentos freshens all the time..."
The boy sat down and put on the hat.
"...fresh is better, Mentos freshens..."
The boy and the hat both seemed to be waiting for the song to end.
"...and Mentos freshens all the time!"
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat announced. The boy grinned, and the shine almost literally blinded Harry.
"...Mentos, the freshmaker!" The voice finished. Everyone clapped, and the boy joined the Gryffindor table. After that, the numbers began to even out. The next boy (Fischer, Ray) walked up. He looked quite nervous, and said a little prayer. Suddenly a light shone and a voice boomed down from the enchanted ceiling.
"Don't be afraid. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. If you build it, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come."
"Excuse me?" Ray looked up. "Sorry, but I think you've got the wrong Ray. I'm Ray Fischer, and I'm praying to become a Gryffindor."
"Oh, sorry. Can't help you there. Er- just put the hat on. Bye." The light disappeared.
"Well that was strange." Ray put the hat on, which, to his relief, shouted Gryffindor.
The numbers evened out, ending with Zipper, Jim becoming a Hufflepuff. Then the plates began to fill themselves with food.
Harry began to pile several slices of beef onto his plate, while Ron dug into the mashed potatoes. All around him buzzed the excitement of the new year. After the feast, the plates cleared themselves and filled with eclairs, ice cream, Jell-O, doughnuts, fudge blocks, brownies, treacle, and trifle. These everyone promptly began to load down their plates with.
When the meal was totally over, the plates themselves vanished, and the hall silenced as the Headmaster Dumbledore began to speak.
"I have a few announcements to make for this year. First off, for your safety, we have reluctantly cancelled all Hogsmeade visits until further notice.
"Next, I want all students to be in the castle before dark. I don't care about excuses. There is a little crisis we are having at this point and this rule will be strictly enforced.
"Finally, I wish you all a safe and enjoyable year. I am again very sorry about all of this, but it must be done for your own safety. Prefects, please lead your houses back to their dorms."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed the new Gryffindor prefect up to the common rooms. Harry and Ron made their way up the stairs to their dorms, which was now marked with a large "5" on it. Inside, they found their trunks at the foot of their beds, and Hedwig snoozing in her cage.
Dean, Seamus, and Neville all came in after them, and none of them took more than a minute to get in their beds and fall asleep, without care, without concern of any of Dumbledore's remarks. None of them thought about the possibility of the terrible chain of events that are to occur this year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
And the
Silver Bullet Faction
When we last left Harry, he and the Weasleys appeared to be having a little trouble with vampires. Meanwhile, at the Silver Bullet Faction Headquarters, Donald Knots and his partner Reg were paid an unexpected visit...
Chapter 3
King's Cross
The sunlight poured into the smeared window, waking Harry. Bill and Charlie had left the day after Harry's birthday, which, due to adversities, was not celebrated extravagantly. Everyone was still scared stiff about the attacks that had occurred, but got around to sleeping into their own rooms.
"All right, everyone up." Mr. Weasley called down from the hall.
"Oh, yeah." Harry muttered. Today they went to Kings Cross to board the Hogwarts express. He got up to get dressed and hurried downstairs for breakfast.
Mrs. Weasley greeted him with a plate piled with toast and eggs and bacon.
"Hurry up, boys, the Ministry will be here soon! Does everyone have their stuff packed up?" He glanced at Harry. They didn't mind when his trunk arrived the next day, but were a little uneasy when Hedwig's cage came with a spot of blood on it.
Thump! Thump!
"That's them, they're here! Get your things out!" Mr. Weasley was a lot more fussy than usual (and he usually was never). Especially when he got wind of...
He opened the door and jumped back.
"Reg! Donald! What are you doing here!"
"We're with the ministry to brief you on what's been happening... and part of your security."
"But... but I heard the Faction Headquarters was attacked just after I last talked to you."
"Yes. I didn't have my wand on me, But I'm glad that Muggle that works with us showed me how to use that wand thing they call a 'gun'." Reg said.
"Yeah, I had it in my desk. Honestly, sometimes they're pretty smart. But the cars are out here and-what the hell are you doing?" He stared at a cross Mr. Weasley was pulling out of his coat. "Arthur, I'm walking in broad daylight, you know if I was a vampire I'd be fried."
"Oh, yeah... I'm sorry, I'm just really jumpy about the last few days."
"I understand. But have you noticed-Muggles, especially the children, seem to know more about magical creatures than us at times? I mean, they even have games and things, and we have to teach our kids about it."
"Yeah, I know. Weird. But can you give us some help with these trunks? We're ready to go now." Mr. Weasley began to lug a trunk, and Harry came to help. Soon they were all loaded up and drove off away from The Burrow.
"So Arthur, we want you to be on the lookout even and especially when you're having a raid. Anything you might think may be linked to these events, don't hesitate to show us."
"And the ministry?"
"They're on it. After the attack, they can see that something is going on. And anything you may think may link the vampires to You-Know-Who, show them immediately. Fudge looks down on the Faction, and hardly believes us."
"I see. All right, I'll see what I can do. The Malfoys-maybe we can get them. They were in league with You-Know-Who. My son told me about a passage under their drawing room. How he found out, I have barely a clue. But I'm sure we'll find out."
"Good, Arthur. Because we really need the Ministry's cooperation. And we're running out of time-fast.
* * *
"Garef," The head in the green flames spoke, "Whatcha doing?"
"Nothing," The tall, bearded vampire said. "Just chillin' out. Having some Blud(tm)."
"True, true."
"Hang on, someone else's on the other line." Another head in the fireplace appeared.
"Wasabi?" The second guy smiled.
"WASABI!!" Garef yelled.
"WASABI!!!" The third guy laughed, with his tongue sticking out.
"Hang on." Garef told them. "Hey, Bern!"
"What?"
"Pick up the phone!"
The second Vampire put his head in another fireplace, and it appeared in the first.
"WASABI!" The second one yelled.
"WASABI!" Bern replied.
"WASABI!!!" Garef laughed.
"WAAASAAABIII!" The fourth guy said.
"Heh... later guys."
"Later." Bern disappeared.
"Later." The second guys head vanished.
"So," Garef said to the first guy. "Whatcha doing?"
"Chilling out. Having a Blud(tm)."
"True, true."
* * *
Harry took a deep breath and pushed his trolley toward platform nine and three quarters. He was pretty used to doing this, but this time it seemed different. He knew there would be danger at Hogwarts this year, but what he was afraid of most was someone like Dobby making the barrier solid again. For some reason, Mrs. Weasley told Ron that he had to help Harry push the trolley, even though Harry insisted it was easy. It turns out a muggle had leaned against the barrier and fallen in, and they had to use memory charms to cover it up. Now the barrier was enchanted so that you could only enter with a trolley, which they knew nobody who didn't know about the barrier wouldn't try to crash it.
Harry loaded his trunk into their usual compartment, and then they waited for the scarlet train to start moving. Mrs. Weasley gave Ron, Ginny, and the twins each a bag of money to buy sweets from the witch pushing the candy cart down the aisle.
Hermione joined them and they took their seats. They felt the train vibrate as it began to rumble down the track.
Almost immediately, they heard footsteps in the aisle. Ron got up and looked down it.
"It's Malfoy. And he looks hellbent on revenge. He's got his wand out."
"Crabbe and Goyle?"
"You know them, even if they could figure out how to use a wand, they wouldn't need it."
"Well, shut the compartment door. Wands out." Ron and Hermione took theirs out to cover Harry while he opened his trunk to get his wand.
Draco strutted up right outside the door and stopped. Through the textured glass, Harry could see him raise and arm, and snap his fingers.
Crabbe grabbed the door and flung it open so fast it shattered.
"Stupefy!" Draco shouted madly, and Ron and Hermione fell back unconscious. Harry stared in shock.
"Now for you, Potter!" He aimed the wand, and Harry didn't have his. But he was a fast thinker. He grabbed the biggest piece of glass he could find and raised it in front of him.
"Stupefy!" Draco shouted again. A crimson ray of light split the air, and hit the glass Harry held. It divided into about twenty beams, all hitting Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.
"That's the second time I've ever seen a piece of glass refract a spell." A voice said. "The first time, I ended up killing two dark vizards."
"Who?" Harry looked outside the compartment. There was no one there. Someone tapped his shoulder.
He jumped. There, behind him, stood a muscular, dark haired man with a mustache.
"Good morning. I'm Doctor Ivan String, your new Defense Against zhe Dark Arts teacher." He said with a Russian accent.
"Er- hello. I'm Harry. Harry Potter." He held out his hand, and Doctor String shook it.
"It appears you're friends vere not so lucky. But zhat vas a very smart thing you did. I admire cleverness. That's vhy this year, you'll behaving double defense lessons with zhe Ravenclaws."
"Really?" Harry just might get to see Cho in his classes.
"Zhat, and minor funding problems." Doctor string laughed. "But anyvay." He raised his wand. "Ennervate!" He tapped Ron and Hermione. Then he pointed it at the door. "Reparo!" The glass reformed.
"Wow, who's this guy? Did he take out Malfoy?" Ron glanced up.
"I am Ivan String, your new Defense Against zhe Dark Arts Teacher. And your very clever friend here vas the von who Mister Malfoy."
"Wow, Harry, you don't even have your wand."
"Professor String?" Harry asked.
"Yes?"
"What were you talking about, the last time you saw a spell refracted?"
"Oh, Vell, I vas lucky enough to have a piece of glass jammed in my vist vhen a dark vizard vas about to perform zhe Kedavra curse on me. It bounced back onto him and his partner. I'm an auror, you know."
"Oh, wow. Last year professor Moody said I was the only one who survived it."
"I read about zhat in zhe Daily Profit. Vasn't he a phony?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Vell, I can't vait to begin teaching you zis year. I believe you have covered curses and dangerous creatures, so this year ve vill be vorking on Dark Demihumans."
"Dark Demihumans?"
"Yes. Vampires, elves, goblins, dark versions of them. Bevare, It vill be a tough year." Doctor String walked out past Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who were all stirring.
"I'll confiscate these until you can find something better to do than hurt people vith zhem! Expelliarmus!" String shouted, and Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyles wands flew up off the floor, and he caught them.
"Goodbye." Professor String suddenly disappeared.
"Cool. I hope he teaches us how to do that." Ron said.
* * *
Garef walked into the small parlor and looked up.
"Bern, I really like Japanese food, but I'm starting to crave blood again, you know."
"Yeah, I know, Garef." His friend, Bern said. "We can start collecting minions for you tonight."
"Yeah. After dinner. I'm glad you found an all night Japanese food joint."
"Here your Herbal tea, sir, he handed Bern a steaming cup. "And here your wasabi." He set a plate in front of Garef."
"Wasabi?"
"Wasabi." The waiter replied.
"Wasabi?" Bern asked.
"WASABI!" Garef shouted over to the front counter.
"WASABI!!!" The three chefs behind the counter smiled.
"WASABI!" Bern laughed.
"WASABI!" The waiter yelled.
"WASABI!" The chefs behind the counter gave them thumbs up.
"WAAASAAABIII!" Garef laughed, and bared his teeth.
* * *
The Hogwart's express charged on down the tracks passing the hot country afternoon by. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had all bought a large quantity of sweets, including chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott's every flavor beans, cauldron cakes, and various other interesting sweet items. They sat around eating and drinking iced pumpkin juice (new-in a convenient can, inspired by a muggle idea! Twelve knuts a can wherever it's sold!)
"Pah pah pah pah pah, pah pah pah pah pah, the joy of pumpkin..."
"Ron, what are you singing?" Harry asked.
"Sorry, nothing." He blushed.
Beep!
"What's that?" Harry looked over at Hermione.
"Oh, I got it in Diagon alley! It's a Magicom. You just say whosever name you want to talk to, and it hooks you up with them! That is, if they have one." She pulled out what looked like a muggle cell phone. "But I bought two, and I just lost te other today. I wonder where it is?"
Ring!
"Don't get it, Hermione." Ron mumbled. Hermione picked up the phone and didn't heed his words.
"Hello." She said.
"Meow!"
"Crookshanks!"
"Meow-meow-meow-meow, meow-meow-meow-meow, meow- meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow!"
"Crookshanks!" She laughed again.
"Meow, meow, meow!"
"What did she have to say?"
"I think she's hungry."
"Hey, there it is!" Ron pointed out the window. In the distance was Hogwarts castle.
"Hey, I just thought of something. Isn't Hogwarts a type of flower... didn't anyone know that?" Hermione said. They all stared in silence.
"Anyway..." Harry muttered.
The train stopped abruptly, and they began to unload their trunks. As they crossed the bridge, they watched the first years rowing across the river with Hagrid in the rowboats.
"Wow. Remember when we first did this?" Harry looked down.
"Yeah. Five years ago. I can't wait to see the sorting."
"It's happening in a few minutes. Come on." They entered the great hall and met Nearly Headless Nick reading a magazine.
"What's that you're reading, Nick?"
"General interest magazines." Nick showed them the issue. "Did you hear? G.Y.S.T.E. dropped dead at almost a hundred and forty points yesterday."
"Oh, man... that really stinks. Er- we gotta go." Harry said, and hurried off with Ron and Hermione, wondering why ghosts invested in stocks, or, read magazines, for that matter. His question was half answered when he passed Professor Flitwick telling off peeves for leaving around copies of Playghost, undoubtedly hoping the students would see the trash.
They entered the great hall and sat down just in time for the sorting. Professor McGonaggall brought in the stool and sat the hat upon it, which ripped open a wide mouth at the brim and began to speak...
"Welcome, one and all, to your first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now, normally, I would rip open and sing a cheesy-ass song, but do you know what it's like to do the same thing for all eternity, making up these stupid songs? I thought this year, we'd spice things up!!! Professor!" McGonagall walked forward ad pulled out her wand, tapped it against the hat, and muttered "Sonorus!"
Immediately, the great hall boomed with the hat's voice.
"WASUP Y'ALL? LE'S RAISE DA ROOF!!!" The crowd actually stood and screamed with excitement. A small group in the front started to jump up and down as the hat began its song.
"WHATUP? WHATUP? WHATUP? WHATUP?
NOW MY RHYMES BE BURNIN'
WHILE 'DIS YEAR YOU BE LEARNIN'
AND YOUR HEADS BE TURNIN'
NOW IS YO STOMACH CHURNIN'?
NOW SCREAM!"
"YEAH!"
"NOW SCREAM!"
"YEEEAAAHHH!!!"
"'DAS RIGHT, YA'LL!
I'M DA SORTIN' HAT
AND I CAN BUSTA RHYME PHAT
HOGWARTS IS WHERE IT'S AT
WHAT ABOUT THAT?
NOW IN GRYFFINDOR
DWELL THE LOUD AND THE BRAVE!
HUFFLEPUFF'S SO TOUGH
EVEN THE FIRST YEAR BOYS SHAVE!
RAVENCLAW
NO TEST THOSE DUDES CAN'T LICK!
AS FOR SLYTHERIN
ONLY ONE WORD-SLICK!*
NOW THE HOGWARTS STUDENTS CAN GET DOWN
ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND!
JUMP UP JUMP UP AND GET DOWN
ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE GROUND!
YEAH, JUMP JUMP JUMP, YEAH, JUMP JUMP JUMP!"
* Note; This author does not in any way support Slytherin, Voldemort, or any of their agents or affiliates.
The great hall erupted in cheers as the sorting hat finished its song.
"Thanks, y'all! You're a great audience from the a-u-d to the i-e-n-c-e! Now, without further ado, I'm presenting to you, the sorting!!!"
"Arsenic, Cyan!"
"Slytherin!" The hat shouted, and the girl hurried off.
"Assonite, Will!" The boy walked up to the front and put on the hat.
"Slytherin!" The hat bellowed again.
"Cranial, Richard!"
"SLYTHERIN!" The hat screeched, and the boy walked off to the Slytherin table with a smug smirk. Man, everyone's becoming a Slytherin, Harry thought, We may not have any new Gryffindors this year.
"Ellis, Marv!" McGonaggall shouted. A handsome first year stepped up and pulled out a long white stick.
"He bought it!" Fred said beside Harry. "That's our new joke product, Mentos. It freshens your breath, and gives you whatever you want when you eat one!"
The boy threw his head back and one of the mints fell in his mouth. Suddenly a voice boomed...
"...Nothing gets to you, staying fresh, staying cool, and Mentos freshens all the time..."
The boy sat down and put on the hat.
"...fresh is better, Mentos freshens..."
The boy and the hat both seemed to be waiting for the song to end.
"...and Mentos freshens all the time!"
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat announced. The boy grinned, and the shine almost literally blinded Harry.
"...Mentos, the freshmaker!" The voice finished. Everyone clapped, and the boy joined the Gryffindor table. After that, the numbers began to even out. The next boy (Fischer, Ray) walked up. He looked quite nervous, and said a little prayer. Suddenly a light shone and a voice boomed down from the enchanted ceiling.
"Don't be afraid. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. If you build it, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come."
"Excuse me?" Ray looked up. "Sorry, but I think you've got the wrong Ray. I'm Ray Fischer, and I'm praying to become a Gryffindor."
"Oh, sorry. Can't help you there. Er- just put the hat on. Bye." The light disappeared.
"Well that was strange." Ray put the hat on, which, to his relief, shouted Gryffindor.
The numbers evened out, ending with Zipper, Jim becoming a Hufflepuff. Then the plates began to fill themselves with food.
Harry began to pile several slices of beef onto his plate, while Ron dug into the mashed potatoes. All around him buzzed the excitement of the new year. After the feast, the plates cleared themselves and filled with eclairs, ice cream, Jell-O, doughnuts, fudge blocks, brownies, treacle, and trifle. These everyone promptly began to load down their plates with.
When the meal was totally over, the plates themselves vanished, and the hall silenced as the Headmaster Dumbledore began to speak.
"I have a few announcements to make for this year. First off, for your safety, we have reluctantly cancelled all Hogsmeade visits until further notice.
"Next, I want all students to be in the castle before dark. I don't care about excuses. There is a little crisis we are having at this point and this rule will be strictly enforced.
"Finally, I wish you all a safe and enjoyable year. I am again very sorry about all of this, but it must be done for your own safety. Prefects, please lead your houses back to their dorms."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed the new Gryffindor prefect up to the common rooms. Harry and Ron made their way up the stairs to their dorms, which was now marked with a large "5" on it. Inside, they found their trunks at the foot of their beds, and Hedwig snoozing in her cage.
Dean, Seamus, and Neville all came in after them, and none of them took more than a minute to get in their beds and fall asleep, without care, without concern of any of Dumbledore's remarks. None of them thought about the possibility of the terrible chain of events that are to occur this year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.