Harry Potter and the Dark Lord's Duplicate
Chapter 2

Harry sat at the very end of the Gryffindor table, lacklusterly stirring his oatmeal and listening to the bustling sounds of the Great Hall. Although he could hear the familiar voices, he felt as though he was separate from them. How poetic, he mused. Not.
"Hi!" said a peppy voice in a half-British-half-American accent, "Can I sit here?"
"Sure," Harry replied, not bothering to look up from his breakfast that he continued to stir with his spoon. But when he did manage to glance at the tall, blonde beauty sitting next to him, he mumbled something that sounded a great deal like, "Blimey she's hot," and said, "Harry Potter," extending a trembling hand.
"Mary Sue Malfoy," she replied, shaking his hand. Harry choked on his juice, "Malfoy? You're not related to THAT Malfoy, are you?"
"Sadly, yes. He's my cousin."
"But the Malfoys are all in Slycerin. Why aren't you?"
"My mum was in Griffyndor...Lucius hated my dad for marrying her...She was a muggle. We had to move to Texas jst to get away from the rest of the family."
"Texas?"
"Yeah, I rode a horse to school everyday."
"Really?" said Harry, his eyes lighting up like when a PMSing woman sees chocolate.
"Of course not," she replied, stifling giggles, "I lived in the city. The only horses I saw were at pony rides at birthdays."
Harry's face turned bright red.
"Ooh!" she exclaimed, noticing the paper he was clutching, "Can I see your schedule?" (saying it like shedjewl...the nifty British way)
She snatched the paper from his hand (still trembling) and read it excitedly.
"Wow! We're in all the same classes!"
Harry was giddy; he could feel his face going pink again. Then he realised that Ron was in all of his classes, too, and he certainly didn't want Ron to see the beauty he had discovered.
Just then, Hermione struggled into the Great Hall looking exhausted. Harry presumed that she must of been up all night. She nodded at Mary Sue and slid into the seat next to her.
"Hi Mary Sue," she said, "I see you've met Harry."
She gave him a don't-even-think-about-it-it's-her-first-day look, and Harry swore something jabbed him in the leg.
"Oh no!" he said, looking down at his crumpled schedule, "We have Potions with the Slycerins first."
"I don't mind Pansy Parkinson so much. She's nice to me because she fancies Draco. She'll be pretty embarassed when she finds out I'm half-muggle."
Harry and Hermione laughed, and they all scuttled off to Potions. Snape's dungeon was precisely how Harry remembered it--gloomy and drippy, with a strong odor of mildew seeoing out of the walls. He spotted two empty seats in the back of the classroom, and he and Mary Sue slumped into them.
"Now then," said Snape in his usual condescending tone, "I'm assuming you all completed your summer assignments. Who can tell me the proper amount of boar's nails to use in the Grow-o-matic potion?"
"Hermione's hand shot up, as usual, and, to Harry's surprise, Mary Sue's hand was raised as well. A strange smile spread across Snape's face, and he said, "Yes, Miss Malfoy?"
"There is no boar's nail in grow-o-matic potion."
"Correct! Perhaps, Mr. Malfoy, you could learn a thing or two from your cousin."
Hermione scowled; Harry grinned. He scribbled something on a scrap of parchment and passed it to Mary Sue. She read:
Perhaps you could teach me a thing or two, as well. After dinner? In the library?
Mary Sue smiled and nodded at Harry thinking, "He's so dreamy! Granted, he has the intellect of George W, but he's still dreamy."
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Harry spotted Mary Sue browsing through some potion books in the library.
"So hot...want to touch the hiney," he thought as he approached her, "Oh, I hope she likes me! Who am I kidding? All the girls love me! Harry's da man! Harry's da man!"
He tapped her on the shoulder saying, "I want you...er...I mean...I want your hot body next to mine...er...I mean I want you--your help in Potions."
"Right...So what do you *want* me to help you with?" she said, handing him a heavy book with "Potions For Dummies" written across the front of it.
"Um...that spell we did in class...what was it called?...er...How do I say this?...I justaskedyouheresothatIcouldtalktoyouIlikeyoudoyoulikemeyesorno?"
She grinned, leaned in closer to Harry so that it made him kind of squirmy, and whispered, "Yes."
"So, um, do like want to make out?"
"Sure."
CENSORED
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Harry slept more soundly that night than he could ever remember. All night long he dreamt sweet dreams about his beloved Mary Sue. He couldn't stand to be apart from her; he missed her more than a fat man misses hamburgers. He rose early the next morning.
"Ron?" he called out into the darkness.
"Yeah," said a groggy voice.
"Let's be friends again!"
"Okay."
Everything was hunky-dory again, or so it seemed...

Up next: Harry gives Ron a copy of "Guaranteed Pick-up Lines" by Gilderoy Lockhart. Can wizards get mad-cow disease? Please review!