The air was shining, and Van was flying. It was one of those times when you know you are dreaming, and you are free to enjoy it. The wind sang in his wings and kissed his eyelids as he closed them in the sunlight. He thought of it as sunlight, but it seemed to come from all sides, all around him, and it came to him that he was flying at the heart of a great white dragon composed of near-solid light, its wingbeats matching his, following his movements as Escaflowne did, perfectly synchronous.
He looked down through the light and saw the world beneath him like an illuminated map, seas of deep blue ink outlined with golden sand. Amid humpbacked green hills he saw Fanelia. Somewhere down there, Celena stood amid the butterfly cabbages and stretched her arms toward the sky. He swept down in a low skimming dive, caught her hands and bore her aloft. No weight, and no work to keep her up with him. By rights, if you hold someone around the waist they should bend at the middle and hang like washing over a line, but it was as though they both floated like swimmers in unusually buoyant water. She was laughing, her sweet soft girlish laugh, and tendrils of her silver-gold hair flicked and tickled at his face, smelling of cleanness and warmth. He was unafraid, unashamed, and the two of them would never fall.
Van woke around the time of sunrise, wondering why he was so uncomfortable. The answer came to him as his eyes opened and the rest of his senses started returning messages. Somehow, he and Celena had both managed to fall asleep sitting up, their heads leaning together. Of course they had gone on mending her mind-mirror so long last night that he had no memory of how they had finished must have gone to sleep at the end. They had both slid further forward so that their heads rested on one another's shoulders, faces turned together, and he could feel the faint soft touch of Celena's breathing on the side of his neck. It was strange to see her so close, so still and peaceful, and he could not move yet, could not disturb her roughly. What was the right way to wake someone in this situation, anyway? Perhaps he was the first person ever to have to try to figure that out. He could have done with some precedent to guide him.
Then the problem was taken out of his hands, because Celena's eyelids fluttered and parted, unveiling her eyes' blueness, so much deeper than he remembered. She took a slightly deeper breath, then seemed to hold it, gazing into his eyes with the wondering look of the newly awoken and the newly born.
When he thought about it carefully later, Van realised that at no point was he aware of making a conscious decision to kiss her. It was not true to say that it seemed to happen by itself, because obviously movement required some volition on his part, but it simply felt as though it was the next thing to happen in a natural sequence, inevitable as ice melting in the sun. It was the simplest and most obvious thing in the world to move his head a little way so his lips could touch hers. It would have been the lightest brush of a kiss had not the remnants of sleep made them both a little heavy and clumsy; the firm warm pressure of it startled Van, and after a dreamlike moment in which he could not make himself move, he drew back with a jerk, feeling absurdly as if he had been the one kissed unexpectedly. The symmetry of their position was broken; they were both sitting up properly, Celena raising her right hand to touch her lips, as though expecting to find some trace of him remaining. A shining something glimpsed at her wrist resolved itself into the chain of Hitomi's pendant, looped over the back of her hand. How had it passed into her hand? He had thought the transfer happened only in their shared imagination.
I thought it might be you,' Celena said softly.
What do you mean?'
I thought you might be the one in my dreams.'
Dreams? What dreams?' He was on the verge of panic for some reason; oh yes, that was why, he had just given his first kiss to a girl about whom he didn't even know how he felt, and he seemed to have somehow handed over to her the one thing he kept sacred from the person he was supposed to love. No wonder, really. He almost wanted to laugh, but he was afraid if he started he wouldn't be able to stop.
A smile dawned on Celena's face, soft and rosy as the pale sunrise. You know we had the same dreams tonight. I felt you there the whole time, just like when you came with me to fix things in my mind. We were having a wonderful time together, flying so high and so far, up there on the dragon wind. I thought it wasn't just a fever dream all along, though Allen told me it was I thought I'd seen something real on the battlefield, and it was you. The shining white dragon flying through the air. I'd dreamed of you before, because my mind wanted me to know you were coming, I would see you for real one day. I had to be prepared to meet you, although things went pretty spectacularly wrong. But it's working out now. I was meant to meet you. All this was meant to happen, it's just had trouble happening the way it's supposed to.' She spoke with perfect confidence, with faith. The hesitant quality to her voice had melted away in the night; at last her voice matched the face it came from, and her eyes were utterly clear, though their sapphire intensity was softened by her smile. They even seemed to have changed colour slightly, to a purer, less milky blue, as though they had been pools in which chalky sediment had been stirred up, but now it had settled or been filtered out.
Th-that's not true,' Van stammered. I'm meant to be with Hitomi. Speaking of which, you've got her pendant there, give it back. I told you you couldn't keep it.'
Celena slowly unwound the chain from her wrist, gently deposited the necklace in the palm of Van's waiting hand. If you're meant to be together, why do you live in different worlds?'
Don't say things like that. Look, what happened just now was a mistake. I'm sorry. Forget about it, okay? It wasn't for you.'
Who was it for? You couldn't have thought I was Hitomi. You took a really good look at me first. You knew who you were kissing.'
I was half-asleep!' he protested, getting stiffly to his feet. His left leg was just about dead, and he had to stamp it hard on the floor to try to shock some life back into it. It was not going to be easy to walk away.
Oh, pscht.' She made a cheerful, scornful noise, unimpressed by his claims. You were wide awake!' Celena leaned back on her hands, smiling up at him calmly, joyfully.
I think I should know, since it was me.'
I think I should know too, since it was you.' A flicker of surprise crossed her face, and she hastily brought her right hand round so she could look at it.
What?'
It's it's gone!'
Your hand? It's right there!'
The blister!' Celena turned the palm of her hand towards him, holding it up for inspection. There was no blister, no redness, no sign whatever of injury. Van bent down to look closer, and there was not even any shiny smoothness to indicate that a burn had been there and had healed. The little fortune-teller's lines of the skin were perfectly intact.
You kissed me better,' Celena breathed.
I did not!'
You wanted to make things better for me so much that it even worked on my hand,' she insisted, rising to her knees. Van, that's so beautiful! I wonder if it happened while we were awake or asleep?' Before he could give his opinion or protest in any way, she put her hand behind his head and drew him further down to kiss him again. A shot of pure panic pierced his heart and he leapt away, stumbling and catching hold of the verandah railing to steady himself, because that left leg was still not reliable.
You can't do that!'
Well, I know it's usual for the boy to start kisses, but I don't see why. I've had enough of waiting for things to happen to me. You showed me I had to do something about it and make them happen.' She rose and approached him, still glowing with happiness, still perfectly sure of herself and of him. The morning light made her hair shine softly, gold reflecting gold.
Forget about it!' Van ordered her, pointing one finger at her as though to ward her off. Even if you don't believe me about Hitomi I bet your brother would kill me. I have to I have to go!' He was holding the pendant so tightly that the gold setting of the jewel hurt his palm. He turned away from her and hurried indoors, doing his damnedest not to limp, although the untrustworthy left leg had a way of not realising it had touched the floor for a second and trying to go further down. Why in the world had he kissed her? It would only confuse her. It wasn't fair to her to raise her expectations and then well, it was not fair to him either, because she could not be more confused than he was, or more ashamed. He hurried to his bathroom, welcoming the discomfort of pins and needles in the slowly awakening leg, and stuck his head in the bath, full of cold water since the wood-burning heater underneath was not lit. He stayed under as long as he could, listening to the ringing echo of his heartbeat in his ears, until he had to surface for lack of air. He sat on the rim of the bath, cold trickles running down his neck and face from his soaking-wet hair, and tried desperately to clear his mind.
I've got to think of Hitomi. She's the important one here. I mustn't betray her any more. At least she asked for permission when she wanted to when is this the same thing? Why are we in different worlds if we're meant to be together? What's destiny up to? You'd think it would find a more direct way to happen and that's what Celena thinks is happening for me and her no! Think of Hitomi! Go and talk to her. When you talk to her you'll know how you feel.
He could not get properly calm before he reached out to her, so he was not able to make his approach unobtrusive. She felt him arriving and turned her attention to him with some alarm. It was not the same time of day for her as it was for him, which happened sometimes, they were not sure why. He seemed to have disturbed her at bedtime.
Van? What's wrong? I haven't heard from you in more than a week! I tried to get through to you but you were always so busy you didn't know I was there.
What? It hasn't been that long! I talked to you just the other day! But this had happened before too; their days got out of synch. Sometimes more time had passed on his side, sometimes on hers. They were only on approximately the same timeline.
Well, that's not how it's been at this end. I wondered if you were still mad at me about Takashi.
I wasn't mad. Honestly. I gosh, we'll just have to catch up. How did you do at the track meet? His tone felt a little too bright and cheerful even to him. Trying to act normal.
Well, I couldn't believe it. I was in three events, and I placed in all of them. In my second race, I came first! Someone told me the girl who was favourite was having an off day, so maybe I didn't totally deserve it, but I still came first!
Congratulations. I'm proud of you!
Van, is everything all right? You still seem so agitated. Has something happened?
What? No! Nothing's happened. What could happen? I mean, of course things have HAPPENED. Stuff happens all the time, right? Nothing unusual there. Good things have happened! I've made a deal with Dryden Fassa and we're going to get lots of supplies for the winter. Everything's fine.
Van, what on earth is the matter with you? Has well, you said Celena Schezar was there. Is she still around? Is she upsetting you?
Of course not. Of course not. Why was it impossible to tell her? Just because he felt so guilty? But the only cure he knew of for guilt, where practical redress was impossible, was confession. She's not as bad as I thought at first. She's getting better. I sort of tried to help her.
That was kind of you.
I have to look after her for a while because Allen's not well.
Poor Allen! Is it serious?
I don't think so. Princess Millerna's looking after him and she doesn't seem worried.
That's good.
A pause. Van opened his hand and stared at the pendant. It had made a red pressure-print on his skin. How are you getting on with Takashi?
Um pretty well
Did he see you run? When you won, I mean?
Yes he was there it was wonderful hearing everyone from my school cheering for me Van, I should tell you. Don't get angry. When I came back after winning he gave me a kiss to celebrate. Just a kiss on the cheek. It was sort of a joking one because everyone was watching. At the end of the day, though, he walked home with me and he said he wished he'd kissed me properly and
Don't worry, then. We're even.
What do you mean?
Celena kissed me. That was not confessing at all, that was cheating, it made it sound as though it hadn't been his fault.
Van Takashi said he wished I were his girlfriend he said he's liked me for a long time but Yukari told him I liked Amano-sempai, so he didn't think he had a chance before I could have thumped Yukari for telling other people about that, by the way he wanted to know if I'd go out with him this Sunday too.
Because you went the other Sunday.
That doesn't count! It ended up being with a group of people, because we ran into some of our friends at the café where we had ice-cream. Van, please, are you getting angry with me? If you want me to stop seeing him say so.
I think you want me to say stop so it doesn't have to be your decision.
That's not fair. I'm not doing anything underhanded. I've been honest with you from the start.
There always seems to be someone else kissing you, doesn't there? Allen or whoever. You can't help it, I suppose.
Oh, stop it! Why have you never kissed me, then? The words blazed out and hung there between them, sizzling firework writing in the sky, refusing to be ignored any longer.
Van struggled to be honest, to be honest with himself, which was harder. Because I knew you wanted to go home to your world and I thought it would be so much harder to say goodbye to you if I'd ever really felt you were mine
Van He had so often heard her say his name that way, that soft, falling inflection, helpless.
What should we do?
Maybe it's supposed to happen this way. Our worlds got closer together, and now they're moving apart again. It makes much more sense for you to like someone on your world than me. Things are trying to go back to normal. Things want to be normal. We sort of interrupted the way they should be, and now they're sliding back into place.
I don't ever want to forget you.
I don't think you will. Nothing can change what you want to remember. Sometimes things can't get back to normal unless you do remember what's not normal. It's like war and peace.
It's not some kind of aberration. I love you.
I love you, too. I love you with a part of my heart I never used before. It'll always belong to you.
But maybe it's right that it should only be a part. Hitomi paused, considering what she wanted to say. This is the strangest feeling, I feel sad, but I feel so much better too. It's as though I've been let off having to worry about something. Because I always did worry what was going to happen to us, I mean. How would we get to be together? How could I leave Earth again? At first I thought, well, when I've finished school it will be easier, but then I began thinking I might want to go to university, or I might be offered a really good job, and how would I explain to my family, and my friends, and how would I cope with how much I missed Earth while I was on Gaea? I missed so many everyday things. The longer I grew up here, the harder it would really be to leave. And I thought, what if my running really takes me somewhere? I don't want to sound vain about it, but I keep getting this feeling that it could. I keep thinking about the Olympic Games. There'll be another one in 2000. I keep thinking, could I get that good in four more years? Or if I couldn't, in four more after that? Maybe I'll never get that good. Only a very few people do. But I want so much to try and see how it turns out. I realised I was thinking all along, how could I leave Earth and go back to Gaea, because there was just no way you could leave your kingdom and come to live with me. And that made me think that maybe it's not right for me to leave here either. I tried to imagine really living on Gaea every day for the rest of my life, and I just couldn't, any more than I could imagine you riding on the subway or buying something from a vending machine. I think maybe we belong where we are. I think maybe it's all right for us to just go on the way we are, and love each other the way we do, and not require anything else from each other.
Which means if you like Takashi, that's okay.
It's not like he's the love of my life, but I do think he's sweet. When he told me he liked me, he was blushing so much and he looked so lonely and confused when I told him I couldn't give an answer yet it feels nice to know I can make him happy now, and I won't be hurting you.
Hitomi? I think maybe you should be angry with me.
What for?
Because you were very honest and I was kind of sneaky. When I said Celena kissed me she kissed me back, because I'd kissed her first. I was trying to lead up to telling you so it wouldn't blow up.
Oh. There was a short, thoughtful pause. Well, no, I'm not angry. I think it's kind of nice that the two of you should end up together. Very strange, but kind of nice. I suppose I just feel a little bit possessive, enough so that I think she'd just better be nice to you or I'll have to come back to Gaea to give her a smack.
I wouldn't call us together.' I still don't know what I'm going to do about her.
Well, be nice to her too. She's had a hard time. Now I know what you were all thingy about at the beginning you were feeling guilty. When did this happen?
About fifteen minutes ago. I decided I needed to talk to you straight away, to get myself straightened out. It hasn't turned out the way I expected at all.
I think we're both straightened out, though. What time of day is it for you? Feels like morning.
Yes. I think it's night-time for you.
It's let's see the clock it's nearly eleven. Late for a school night. I wouldn't not have had this talk with you for anything, but now it's done I feel very tired.
Well, I wish you sweet dreams.
To Be Continued