A disclaimer seems to have found its way in here: Pay it NO heed what so ever!
FF7 is the property of...hey! Oops, wrong fic, my bad...*blam...thud*
Hmm, so that's where they all went...Anyway:
NGE is the property of GAINAX and yadayadayada...I'm straining my right hand here...I'm having
lotsa fun, but it ain't givin' me no money!
Ikari Towers.
Part II. The Bride of FrankenPen.
M'kay, let's get it ON!
Shinji was doing his usual late night check on all the floors just to see if everything was
right.
He hummed to himself as he walked down the long quiet corridors. He enjoyed the silence,
not that he didn't like being around his wife, Asuka, anymore it was just...pleasant to have
somewhere he could ponder the great mysteries of life. Like, for example, where the hell was Rei?
He heard voices from one of the rooms, familiar voices. He fought with his moral decency and his
curiosity, naturally curiosity won out. He walked over and put his head against the door.
"...damn Rei!" Came the voice of Gendo Ikari, "Oh, yeah! That's the stuff! Gimme some more!"
Shinji's face wrinkled in disgust...but hadn't Ritsuko and Fuyutski been there also? "Oh Ritsuko!
Mmm, YES! That's the spot. Right there!" Ritsuko's answer came back muffled...as if she had
something in her mouth. "Like this?" "OH YES!" That proved to be the final drop for poor
Shinji's sanity. He burst into the room. "Would you keep it down? We don't condone such perver-"
His jaw dropped when he saw what really had been going on. Ritsuko was giving Fuyutski one of
her famous massages while munching on some freshly baked cakes that Rei had brought in, Rei was
actually still holding the platter of cookies from which Gendo was greedily scooping as much up
as possible. Gendo had his feet submerged in a little tub of steaming water. "Oh, hi Shinji."
Rei giggled. "Would you like some tea and cookies, and maybe Ritsuko could give you a back-rub.
You really look as if you need to unwind!" Shinji made a funny little squeaky sound, shook his
head meekly and then closed the door silently behind him. Gendo, Rei, Ritsuko and Fuyutski all
looked at each other in bewilderment, then shrugged and returned to their tea-party.
Once outside Shinji began to shudder. He couldn't decide what was worse, the two commanders
of NERV having a tea party at a hotel room or the same two commanders doing what he thought they
had been doing in a hotel room. "The next thing will probably be fuckin' poetry..." And as Shinji
left he heard the first lines of Gendo's newest haiku poem. "The nerve of NERV is nervously
vacant. I know the nervous..." Then Shinji began to run...fast!
Kaji was rummaging through the refrigerators late in the night, looking for something edible that
didn't need cooking. When he found the last refrigerator, he silently thought: There HAS to be
something in here! And there was...the next morning Misato wondered where Pen Pen had gone and
Kaji looked mysteriously full.
"Toji?" She smiled sweetly at the young Majordomo/Bellboy "Yes Misato-san." He drooled.
"You wouldn't happen to know where Pen Pen are, now would you?" He briskly shook his head.
"No, ma'am! I haven't seen him all morning, mayb-" He was interrupted by a obscene belch from
Kaji, who where now chugging down his sixth Boa beer in a span of three minutes. "Hey M-chan,
great chicken. When did you learn how to cook? It was great, albeit a bit raw..." He muttered to
himself. "I could've sworn that the damn thing tried to bite back...maybe that was just the
mushrooms. Last time 'round it was a Smurf musical on top of my tv-set, so why not a chicken
from a refrigerator trying to eat me as well..." He shook his head and popped another can of
beer.
Misato and Toji was horrified. "Oh my god!" They said in unison. "You ate Pen Pen...You bastard!"
Kaji merely looked at them in surprise. "No I didn't, this one was...hey wait a second..."
He scratched his stubble trying to come up with something. "Well, maybe I did. Hell I'll buy
ya'all a new one Ok? Ookay!" He then hurried out of the kitchen and down to the nearest
pet-store. To see if they had any warm-water penguins.
Ritsuko was standing in the smallest room there was in the hotel apartment, she was wearing
protective glasses and a lab-coat. She was making a substance that would ensure the full and
complete control over Rei, a substance to which Rei was already addicted...crack. "Why the hell
would someone invent a drug named after a part of their own ass?! Let alone be addicted to it?"
Ritsuko pondered philosophically. "Oh, what the hell. I'm not the one doing that shit." Gendo
came into the room. "Are you done yet? It's time for her dose." Ritsuko looked up from what she
was doing. "You remember how to cut the mixture, right?" "Correct." Gendo snapped. "Now hand over
that dope!" Ritsuko did as she was told. She wondered if she should tell the commander that she
had made the drug a bit stronger than usual. But no, if he would just stick to the procedures
she had shown him there wouldn't be any problems...
"Hey! Where'd all the pretty flowers and the talking lizards go?" Rei pouted like a little girl
and looked around the room where she was sitting. "That's the last time I do LSD, what a load o'
bull: 'Hey dudette, LSD's the coolest shit man!' 'Yeah, it'll make you like, totally trip man...'
shit on that!" Rei was now done with the twelwe quarter sized tablets of LSD she had bought from
her local dealer. She had munched the first three, then waited a couple of hours. She then
consumed the rest of her acid over the rest of the day. (from ten in the morning 'till eight in
the evening. She had supplemented them with skunk and various other things during that period)
"Maybe Kaji still got some 'shrooms." Rei was about to leave the room when Gendo knocked at the
door. "Who is it?" She asked in her crack-head voice, forgetting that she was supposed to never
answer or open the door. "Oops! Heh, sorry Commander." Rei smiled self-consciously as Gendo
frowned angrily at her. "You NEVER answer the door. You leave the door open and let the people go
inside for themselves, then you either pretend you're showering or just came home, that way you
have time to split if you find out it's the pigs!" Gendo made some further unsavory comments
about the corruption of DNA or something then he left Rei with her brand new bag of crack...
Kaji wondered how Misato would like her new penguin. He hoped that she'd forgive him...he
really needed somewhere to stay since he was out of a job right now. And with the lousy social
security he'd been recieving, he was barely holding on to life as it was...man, that raw penguin
had really messed up his stomach. It had been behaving as if it had a life of its own all day...
"Hey, wait a minute..." Kaji had just had a bright idea. He would puke up PenPen and see if he
could reanimate him in some way. Gendo'd probably help him out with that. He had a way with dead
things...
After purging himself of the last piece of penguin, Kaji handed over the black plastic bag with
PenPen parts to Gendo. "I expect that you will succeed." Kaji said. "Don't worry." Gendo gave an
evil smirk. "I _always_ succeed." He took the bag and headed off to NERV. He had some work to do.
Things were quiet. That was NOT a good sign, it was a lesson Shinji had been taught the hard way.
Silence is never good unless there's a man with a smoking .357 behind it. And since
Shinji hadn't had the time to buy a gun, there had to be something wrong. Rei was absent, Asuka
wasn't at the phone, Toji was nowhere to be found, Kesuke was not at the computer and Misato was
not in the bar...something was amiss here. He just couldn't piece it together.
And then a thunderstorm broke above the hotel...literally...as in one of those big storms with a
lot of rain and even more thunder and lightning and...stuff...anyhoo. Shinji was now pretty
unnerved, so he decided to find NERV *bad pun warning, please punish the author*
At NERV headquarters, deep in central dogma. Gendo was now performing an experiment.
Gendo: IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE! MWAHUAHAHAHA!
FrankenPen: WARK...
Gendo had first pieced together PenPen and then he had revived him. PenPen was not happy about
being a living dead penguin, so he ordered Gendo to find him a bride...
Meanwhile in Rei's room.
Rei: Hmmm, Gendo didn't cut the shit this time...oh well. That probably means that it's a lot
weaker.
Ritsuko had neglegted to tell Gendo that she had made the crack a lot stronger than usual, and
Gendo in his fury of Rei being such a stoned freak had neglegted to weaken the crack by 'cutting'
it with whatever he usually used. Rei doubled her dose and as a result got as high as she had
never been before (Or ever would be again).
Gendo put the pedal to the metal, he had to find Rei, she could be FrankenPen's bride. He
wouldn't even have to kill her. She always did what he said to her...but maybe if he modeled a
blow-up doll after her, he wouldn't even have to give her to FrankenPen. Yeah, that'd be the
thing to do. He smiled at himself for being so devious. And he decided that he would make a copy
of that blow-up doll and put it in his son's room. He'd like to see Shinji worm his way out of
THAT one with Asuka...
Rei was waddling around firmly believing that she was a warm-water penguin. She would
occasionally 'wark' at someone passing by, but otherwise she just kept still. Right now she was
standing on the highway 'warking' at a van heading towards her. She had at a point donned
her maid's uniform thinking that it fitted her as a penguin...
Gendo could see some stupid girl in a maid's dress standing in the middle of the highway and he
hit the brakes. "Rei, come here." He shouted to her. "Wark?" Rei waddled over to Gendo and began
to nuzzle him. "Rei, just get into the car, ok? Ookay!" He shoved Rei into the back seat
recieving a 'wark' of protest, and then she tried to peck him in the eye. (Not very successfully,
considering she didn't even have a beak to peck with.) That resulted in Gendo getting head-butted
and Rei knocking herself out and getting a nose-bleed. Thus far thing were going great.
Shinji had just returned from the weapons store, he had not found anyone but a dead,
sewn-together PenPen at NERV. He had then stopped by the weapons store on his way home.
Something he had meant to do for a long time, he'd just never had the time to spare. But now he
had a brand new .357 Magnum with a great, big load of teflon-coated hollowpoints. And a MAC-10
and the biggest sniper-rifle he could get from the store manager. He didn't know why he bought
the sniper-rifle, but one thing was for sure...he would _never_ believe the dogs OR the penguins!
Author's note: If you didn't like it feel free to give a bad review, but please make sense and
have some proper reasons!
Next on Ikari Towers: Has Shinji finally lost it? Has he become the prophesized 2nd Son of Sam?
Where IS everybody at? Will Gendo succeed in his wicked scheme? What will happen to Rei? CAN
Misato cook? Will I stop being insane? (Like that'll ever happen...) What of the other penguin
and Kaji? Would the real Slim Shady please stand up? And what shall become of FrankenPen,
The Penguin Formerly Known as PenPen?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
And P.S. If y'all found a fancy for my fanfics, you'd be more than welcome to post them, but I'd
be extremely appreciative of recieving a notice of you doing so first ^_^ Ok? Ookaay!
FF7 is the property of...hey! Oops, wrong fic, my bad...*blam...thud*
Hmm, so that's where they all went...Anyway:
NGE is the property of GAINAX and yadayadayada...I'm straining my right hand here...I'm having
lotsa fun, but it ain't givin' me no money!
Ikari Towers.
Part II. The Bride of FrankenPen.
M'kay, let's get it ON!
Shinji was doing his usual late night check on all the floors just to see if everything was
right.
He hummed to himself as he walked down the long quiet corridors. He enjoyed the silence,
not that he didn't like being around his wife, Asuka, anymore it was just...pleasant to have
somewhere he could ponder the great mysteries of life. Like, for example, where the hell was Rei?
He heard voices from one of the rooms, familiar voices. He fought with his moral decency and his
curiosity, naturally curiosity won out. He walked over and put his head against the door.
"...damn Rei!" Came the voice of Gendo Ikari, "Oh, yeah! That's the stuff! Gimme some more!"
Shinji's face wrinkled in disgust...but hadn't Ritsuko and Fuyutski been there also? "Oh Ritsuko!
Mmm, YES! That's the spot. Right there!" Ritsuko's answer came back muffled...as if she had
something in her mouth. "Like this?" "OH YES!" That proved to be the final drop for poor
Shinji's sanity. He burst into the room. "Would you keep it down? We don't condone such perver-"
His jaw dropped when he saw what really had been going on. Ritsuko was giving Fuyutski one of
her famous massages while munching on some freshly baked cakes that Rei had brought in, Rei was
actually still holding the platter of cookies from which Gendo was greedily scooping as much up
as possible. Gendo had his feet submerged in a little tub of steaming water. "Oh, hi Shinji."
Rei giggled. "Would you like some tea and cookies, and maybe Ritsuko could give you a back-rub.
You really look as if you need to unwind!" Shinji made a funny little squeaky sound, shook his
head meekly and then closed the door silently behind him. Gendo, Rei, Ritsuko and Fuyutski all
looked at each other in bewilderment, then shrugged and returned to their tea-party.
Once outside Shinji began to shudder. He couldn't decide what was worse, the two commanders
of NERV having a tea party at a hotel room or the same two commanders doing what he thought they
had been doing in a hotel room. "The next thing will probably be fuckin' poetry..." And as Shinji
left he heard the first lines of Gendo's newest haiku poem. "The nerve of NERV is nervously
vacant. I know the nervous..." Then Shinji began to run...fast!
Kaji was rummaging through the refrigerators late in the night, looking for something edible that
didn't need cooking. When he found the last refrigerator, he silently thought: There HAS to be
something in here! And there was...the next morning Misato wondered where Pen Pen had gone and
Kaji looked mysteriously full.
"Toji?" She smiled sweetly at the young Majordomo/Bellboy "Yes Misato-san." He drooled.
"You wouldn't happen to know where Pen Pen are, now would you?" He briskly shook his head.
"No, ma'am! I haven't seen him all morning, mayb-" He was interrupted by a obscene belch from
Kaji, who where now chugging down his sixth Boa beer in a span of three minutes. "Hey M-chan,
great chicken. When did you learn how to cook? It was great, albeit a bit raw..." He muttered to
himself. "I could've sworn that the damn thing tried to bite back...maybe that was just the
mushrooms. Last time 'round it was a Smurf musical on top of my tv-set, so why not a chicken
from a refrigerator trying to eat me as well..." He shook his head and popped another can of
beer.
Misato and Toji was horrified. "Oh my god!" They said in unison. "You ate Pen Pen...You bastard!"
Kaji merely looked at them in surprise. "No I didn't, this one was...hey wait a second..."
He scratched his stubble trying to come up with something. "Well, maybe I did. Hell I'll buy
ya'all a new one Ok? Ookay!" He then hurried out of the kitchen and down to the nearest
pet-store. To see if they had any warm-water penguins.
Ritsuko was standing in the smallest room there was in the hotel apartment, she was wearing
protective glasses and a lab-coat. She was making a substance that would ensure the full and
complete control over Rei, a substance to which Rei was already addicted...crack. "Why the hell
would someone invent a drug named after a part of their own ass?! Let alone be addicted to it?"
Ritsuko pondered philosophically. "Oh, what the hell. I'm not the one doing that shit." Gendo
came into the room. "Are you done yet? It's time for her dose." Ritsuko looked up from what she
was doing. "You remember how to cut the mixture, right?" "Correct." Gendo snapped. "Now hand over
that dope!" Ritsuko did as she was told. She wondered if she should tell the commander that she
had made the drug a bit stronger than usual. But no, if he would just stick to the procedures
she had shown him there wouldn't be any problems...
"Hey! Where'd all the pretty flowers and the talking lizards go?" Rei pouted like a little girl
and looked around the room where she was sitting. "That's the last time I do LSD, what a load o'
bull: 'Hey dudette, LSD's the coolest shit man!' 'Yeah, it'll make you like, totally trip man...'
shit on that!" Rei was now done with the twelwe quarter sized tablets of LSD she had bought from
her local dealer. She had munched the first three, then waited a couple of hours. She then
consumed the rest of her acid over the rest of the day. (from ten in the morning 'till eight in
the evening. She had supplemented them with skunk and various other things during that period)
"Maybe Kaji still got some 'shrooms." Rei was about to leave the room when Gendo knocked at the
door. "Who is it?" She asked in her crack-head voice, forgetting that she was supposed to never
answer or open the door. "Oops! Heh, sorry Commander." Rei smiled self-consciously as Gendo
frowned angrily at her. "You NEVER answer the door. You leave the door open and let the people go
inside for themselves, then you either pretend you're showering or just came home, that way you
have time to split if you find out it's the pigs!" Gendo made some further unsavory comments
about the corruption of DNA or something then he left Rei with her brand new bag of crack...
Kaji wondered how Misato would like her new penguin. He hoped that she'd forgive him...he
really needed somewhere to stay since he was out of a job right now. And with the lousy social
security he'd been recieving, he was barely holding on to life as it was...man, that raw penguin
had really messed up his stomach. It had been behaving as if it had a life of its own all day...
"Hey, wait a minute..." Kaji had just had a bright idea. He would puke up PenPen and see if he
could reanimate him in some way. Gendo'd probably help him out with that. He had a way with dead
things...
After purging himself of the last piece of penguin, Kaji handed over the black plastic bag with
PenPen parts to Gendo. "I expect that you will succeed." Kaji said. "Don't worry." Gendo gave an
evil smirk. "I _always_ succeed." He took the bag and headed off to NERV. He had some work to do.
Things were quiet. That was NOT a good sign, it was a lesson Shinji had been taught the hard way.
Silence is never good unless there's a man with a smoking .357 behind it. And since
Shinji hadn't had the time to buy a gun, there had to be something wrong. Rei was absent, Asuka
wasn't at the phone, Toji was nowhere to be found, Kesuke was not at the computer and Misato was
not in the bar...something was amiss here. He just couldn't piece it together.
And then a thunderstorm broke above the hotel...literally...as in one of those big storms with a
lot of rain and even more thunder and lightning and...stuff...anyhoo. Shinji was now pretty
unnerved, so he decided to find NERV *bad pun warning, please punish the author*
At NERV headquarters, deep in central dogma. Gendo was now performing an experiment.
Gendo: IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE! MWAHUAHAHAHA!
FrankenPen: WARK...
Gendo had first pieced together PenPen and then he had revived him. PenPen was not happy about
being a living dead penguin, so he ordered Gendo to find him a bride...
Meanwhile in Rei's room.
Rei: Hmmm, Gendo didn't cut the shit this time...oh well. That probably means that it's a lot
weaker.
Ritsuko had neglegted to tell Gendo that she had made the crack a lot stronger than usual, and
Gendo in his fury of Rei being such a stoned freak had neglegted to weaken the crack by 'cutting'
it with whatever he usually used. Rei doubled her dose and as a result got as high as she had
never been before (Or ever would be again).
Gendo put the pedal to the metal, he had to find Rei, she could be FrankenPen's bride. He
wouldn't even have to kill her. She always did what he said to her...but maybe if he modeled a
blow-up doll after her, he wouldn't even have to give her to FrankenPen. Yeah, that'd be the
thing to do. He smiled at himself for being so devious. And he decided that he would make a copy
of that blow-up doll and put it in his son's room. He'd like to see Shinji worm his way out of
THAT one with Asuka...
Rei was waddling around firmly believing that she was a warm-water penguin. She would
occasionally 'wark' at someone passing by, but otherwise she just kept still. Right now she was
standing on the highway 'warking' at a van heading towards her. She had at a point donned
her maid's uniform thinking that it fitted her as a penguin...
Gendo could see some stupid girl in a maid's dress standing in the middle of the highway and he
hit the brakes. "Rei, come here." He shouted to her. "Wark?" Rei waddled over to Gendo and began
to nuzzle him. "Rei, just get into the car, ok? Ookay!" He shoved Rei into the back seat
recieving a 'wark' of protest, and then she tried to peck him in the eye. (Not very successfully,
considering she didn't even have a beak to peck with.) That resulted in Gendo getting head-butted
and Rei knocking herself out and getting a nose-bleed. Thus far thing were going great.
Shinji had just returned from the weapons store, he had not found anyone but a dead,
sewn-together PenPen at NERV. He had then stopped by the weapons store on his way home.
Something he had meant to do for a long time, he'd just never had the time to spare. But now he
had a brand new .357 Magnum with a great, big load of teflon-coated hollowpoints. And a MAC-10
and the biggest sniper-rifle he could get from the store manager. He didn't know why he bought
the sniper-rifle, but one thing was for sure...he would _never_ believe the dogs OR the penguins!
Author's note: If you didn't like it feel free to give a bad review, but please make sense and
have some proper reasons!
Next on Ikari Towers: Has Shinji finally lost it? Has he become the prophesized 2nd Son of Sam?
Where IS everybody at? Will Gendo succeed in his wicked scheme? What will happen to Rei? CAN
Misato cook? Will I stop being insane? (Like that'll ever happen...) What of the other penguin
and Kaji? Would the real Slim Shady please stand up? And what shall become of FrankenPen,
The Penguin Formerly Known as PenPen?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
And P.S. If y'all found a fancy for my fanfics, you'd be more than welcome to post them, but I'd
be extremely appreciative of recieving a notice of you doing so first ^_^ Ok? Ookaay!