Author's pre-note: I want to start out by apologizing to all those who waited SO long for the
next episode of Ikari Towers... Gomen. ^_^;; I got caught up in school and other fics that needed
my attention, but now I'm off my medicine so I'm going I.T. again. *grins evilly*
By the way, there are some Fawlty Towers references... for those who know Fawlty Towers, which
have given me a lot of inspiration for this series.
Disclaimer: If I ever get around to owning NGE then you can fuck my ass and call me bitch! Of
course I don't own anything with it! Sue me and I'll donkey-rape you!
Thank you to all of my pre and beta-readers: Yebisu Beer, Kaoru's revenge, Josh Kaushansky AND the illustrious
Worldmage. ^_^
And thank you to Yebisu Beer for giving me the jolt that set off this new episode.
I dedicate this to you. (Never would've written it if you hadn't reminded me how fun this can be
with your excellent piece of work. ^_~ )
Let the insanity commence. *sick grin*
Ikari Towers part III.
Shinji was standing on a rooftop, the wind softly ruffling his hair. He breathed slowly--
concentrating on what he was doing. He inhaled sharply and exhaled just a bit pulling the trigger
of his caliber 50 government issue sniper-rifle, freezing in anticipation of the kill...
"AAARRGHH! I'M GONNA GO DOWN THERE AND RIP OFF THEIR FRIGGIN' HEADS WITH MY
BARE HANDS!" He shrieked as he missed the guy on the swing for the umpteenth time.
Shinji had decided that he had to kill all of humanity (Except for a few select people who would be
servants and populate his harem) in honor of the allmighty mutt-god CUJO (and his penguin legions).
FrankenPen had convinced him that it was the right thing to do.
Shinji Ikari had officially snapped.
They had gone for the swings as soon as Shinji missed the first shot-- a bird has dumped a load
of shit on him.
Shinji had wondered why, but now he realized why: He'd run out of ammo before they ran out of
fun...
The guy on the swing laughed and said something to the lady on the other swing...
"You think he's gettin' tired of that game yet?" The guy on the swing asked his girlfriend, going
higher on the swing.
"Naw, snipers never get tired of that shit. Let's tease him some more, then we'll go home." She
giggled and tried to push the swing to new heights as well.
Suddenly the pair heard a funny hissing sound, they turned their heads to see a big rocket headed
their way... that was the last thing they saw before it blew them and the swings they had been sitting on up.
Shinji was panting. After having cursed and ranted for fifteen minutes straight he had decided to
fish out his 'in-case-I-can't-hit-shit' kit. He took out the enourmous rocket-laucher and mounted
it on a gyro-stabilizer. Then he pressed the 'fire' button.
Rei was having several kinds of hangovers and abstinences... she moaned and rolled over in her
bed to see who she had slept with this time. Last time she had been this far gone it had been
Hikari... she opened her eyes and-- looked into the eyes of FrankenPen.
FrankenPen woke abrubtly at Rei's inhuman scream. He wondered why his bride was acting up like
that.
"Hey, babe. What's with the 'deer-caught-in-headlights' impression?" He asked.
Rei stopped screaming and tried to cover herself up only to realize that she was still wearing
her maid's uniform... when the hell had she put on that? "How can you talk? You are a DEAD
PENGUIN!"
FrankenPen stood up and brushed himself off indignantly. "If you have to know, I am actually the
leader of the almighty penguin legions of the mutt-god COJU. So respect my authoritaaahh BIYATCH!"
Rei was about to faint. This was way too much for her drug-demented brain to comprehend. She
tried to process the information a piece at the time: Ok, I woke up in bed with a penguin. I am
wearing my maid's uniform and no knickers-- although I usually don't.... Uhm, why am I wearing
this ring, I don't like rings. Rei tried to remove the trinket from her finger.
"No can do, babe. You're mine. Now and forever are you the bride of FrankenPen!" Lightning
flashed (pretty odd, considering that there were no clouds and the sun was shining) as FrankenPen
threw back his head and laughed maniacally. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Rei was officially scared.
Gendo looked at Fuyutski, who had just entered the little room in which the commander of NERV and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi sat.
"Is it done?" Gendo asked the older man.
Fuyutski nodded, his discomfort was obvious.
"Yes, I have completed the mission with-" he shifted and tried to brush something off his pants
"-with succes."
"Good," Gendo grinned. "This should teach Shinji not to mess with his old man. He's gonna be screaming for
me to let him pilot EVA again when this is over."
Gendo, Fuyutski and Ritsuko threw back their head simultaneously and laughed evilly.
"MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Asuka was leading Hikari towards the guest room where Shinji usually slept. She had told that baka
hentai baka to clean out the room before Hikari arrived. The nerve of that guy. He had actually expected
to get laid on their wedding night. Even after she had told him it was only because of the tax
advantages she married him. He still mustered up the guts to grab her ass when they slept. That
was when she decided that they should only sleep in the same room when there was an inpending
inspection from the Marriage-fraud Commitee, which had been established to check on all the young couples.
Most of them only married because they recieved a tax advantage and so the commmitee came every two or three years
to check on the young people.
Hikari waved her hand in front of Asuka's face, Asuka snapped out of her trance and gave her
friend an embarrassed grin as she opened the door.
Hikari fainted dead away and Asuka's jaw dislocated when it hit the floor.
In Shinji's bed lay a blow-up Rei and a bottle of hand-lotion, on his television the DVD
compilation of Urutsokidöji was going on and on in replay mode. An empty pack of kleenex lay
beside the reclining-chair he usually sat in and the waste basket was full.
Asuka's scream reached Shinji coming down from another rooftop... "SHIIIIIINJIIIIII!!!!"
He was surprised, so he accidentally dropped his rocket-launcher.
"Oh, fuck it. I'm gonna go get that friggin' chaingun!" Shinji said with a sick smile.
Gendo sat before the screen with a feed from a secret camera in the guest-room, laughing his ass
off.
Ritsuko sighed, rolled her eyes and handed him a kleenex he could dry his eyes with.
Fuyutski groaned and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Aw, damn. I'm gonna need a new pair of pants...
FrankenPen was chasing Rei around in their motel-room.
"Get over here and give your daddy some sugar!" FrankenPen lechered.
Rei just screamed and tried to get to the door.
Gendo was watching the debacle through the video cameras he had installed into all of the rooms
on the hotel. He almost felt sorry for Rei, but then he decided that introducing the clone of
his wife to mind-expanding substances had not been a good idea... oddly enough Yui hadn't
suffered the same side-effects as Rei, but then again she had self control and will of her own.
Suddenly Gendo had a bright flash of inspiration.
"I'll make the next one a straight-edger!" Gendo exclaimed. Ritsuko just gave him a blank stare
and Fuyutski had gone to change to another pair of pants.
Misato was loosing her patience with the two boys standing before her, drooling.
"Listen Touji, Kensuke! You need to get to work." She glared at them.
"Yes Misato-sama." They chanted, not moving and inch.
Misato slapped her forehead with her palm-- this would be a long, long day.
The costumer had waited for an hour straight. He was getting impatient, after all he had just
ordered curry ramen and the majordomo had said that they had plenty of that stuff.
Suddenly a beautiful, woman with incredible curves came out from the kitchen. She held a steaming bowl of ramen
in her hand.
"Well," the costumer said. "It sure took its time getting done with that ramen." He gave her an
unhappy glance which turned to wide-eyed wonder as she leaned over the table, smacking the bowl
of ramen down before him.
"Enjoy your meal!" It was an order, not a comment. The costumer ignored her tone as he was having
trouble trying not to pass out from blood-loss due to the enourmous nose-bleed he was suddenly
suffering from.
Touji was having a discussion with Kensuke when Shinji entered the kitchen.
"What are you two arguing about again?" Shinji sighed.
"Kensuke still thinks that Hikari cheated on me with Rei last spring!" Touji snarled.
"She did too!" Kensuke snapped. "You should've seen the glances she sent her, and I swear she
had a nose-bleed when Rei bent over to pick up something she dropped on the floor."
"How would you know that?" Touji baited Kensuke.
"Because I was video-taping it-" Only too late did Kensuke realize his error.
"HA! I KNEW IT, YOU HENTAI FREAK!" Touji yelled pointing accusingly at Kensuke.
"Well you sure as hell didn't mind me getting tapes of Asuka and Hikari in the showers!" Kensuke
yelled back.
"Why, you--" Touji was interrupted by Shinji's smacking him in the back of the head with a
frying pan.
"You know, he has family in Madrid, that must be why--" Kensuke's comment was also stopped by
Shinji's deft backhand with the frying pan.
"Hmm-- these are quite handy. Wonder if they make them EVA-size..."
Asuka was having trouble lugging a unconscious Hikari down the stairs. Finally she tired of
having her friend slung over the shoulders and just settled for holding on to her legs. Asuka
immidiately regretted this when she dragged Hikari down the stairs bumping her head on the steps
in the process.
"I'll just say she hit her head when she fainted-- it'll be partially true anyway."
Hikari groaned as she hit the last step and Asuka felt a moment of guilty conscience... which
passed quickly...
FrankenPen was still chasing Rei around. She had gotten out of the hotel and was now heading for
NERV headquarters. FrankenPen was hot on her heels, but as soon as she could get into her eva, that would change.
Shinji had fished out a chain-gun. He had realized that his aim was too bad for sniping and that it was a waste of rockets
just using it on single people or pairs.
And so, he was now unloading his slugs on the crowd on the Tokoy 3 town square.
"MWAHAHA! FEEL THE POWER OF CUJO, SINNERS! I, THE SON OF FRANKENPEN SHALL
MAKE YOU ALL ATONE! MWAHAHAHA!"
Asuka had just dragged Hikari down into the lobby when...
"HIKARI! YOU RED-HEADED DEMON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!" (Hikari is actually light in Japanese.)
Touji had woken up to see Asuka drag Hikari down the final stair, Hikari smacking her head against the floor.
"Oh, calm down. She's just gonna have a little head-ache when she wakes up, that's all." Asuka thought it over and then said.
"Ok, a big head-ache. But that gives me the time to bribe you into not telling her." Asuka pouted seductively and unzipped
the front of her dress, shrugging it off.
"You're twice the man baka Shinji is anyway." She walked over to Touji and pressed herself against him and gave him a french
kiss.
Touji passed out once more. This time from blood loss due to the fact that his nose was bleeding furiously. Asuka smiled and
put on her dress again.
Being overdeveloped was really a hoot.
Gendo dabbed at his nose-bleed and gave Ritsuko an embarresed grin.
She huffed and walked out of the room as Fuyutski re-entered.
"What'd I miss?" He asked.
Gendo just gave him a lecherous grin.
"Get here I say!" FrankenPen had somehow herded Rei into Gendo's office and was now chasing her around the desk. She bumped
into the desk, but somehow managed not to fall. She crawled over the desk, but slipped as FrankenPen grabbed her left foot.
Her right hand strafed something and she felt it merge with her...
This was not good.
She kicked at FrankenPen's face and finally got free and ran out of the room. She almost made it to where the evas were
parked when she suddenly fell through a hole in the floor that had suddenly opened underneath her.
She fell all the way into central dogma where Lillith was currently crucified.
"Damn you're ugly..." Rei muttered when she saw the creature.
Suddenly someone was fondling her ass... she turned around and...
"NOOOOO!!!! NOT YOU AGAIN!" She screamed.
"Nice to see you too." The regenerated body of Kaworu said. "You know, I swing both ways." He grinned at her.
Rei tried to make a hasty retreat so she stuck her right hand out behind her to feel her way... she felt it make contact
with something... she looked back to see herself merge with Lillith.
Kaworu sighed.
"Drat, never one lucky break..."
Someone was fondling his ass... he turned around to se... FrankenPen.
"Your luck is about to turn." The undead penguin said.
Kaworu screamed his lung out. Then Kaworu ran his ass off.
Shinji was reloading his chain-gun after having torn apart everything in sight on Tokyo 3 town square.
He felt all warm and fuzzy. He decided that he would make passionate love to Asuka when he got home, then kill her and
defile her infidel body... or even worse: Hand her over to FrankenPen when he was done with her...
Ritsuko was trying to make a youth elixir that would make young and beautiful again, and thus enabling her to win Gendo's
love.
Fuyutski and Gendo was smoking some serious weed and playing mah-jong.
Touji and Hikari was out like snuffed candles.
Kaworou was being chased around by FrankenPen.
Kensuke and Asuka was making out in the kitchen.
Misato and Kaji was doing the satin-sheet-tango.
Then everything went boom.
Author's note: Another epidose (get the joke? Episode/epi-dose) of Ikari Towers has been
delivered... to what ends is this facilitated you might ask and get whapped with the infamous
rolled-up newspaper of death for being stupid.
Aftermath:
(Imagine some psycho-babble sequence like the ones in episode 25 & 26)
Rei: What is the purpose of humour?
Gendo: To make people laugh.
Rei: To what end is that facilitated?
Ritsuko: Well, it's been proven that laughter stimulates the cells of the body and thus makes
the human body more resilient towards illness and the like. It also helps you recover from
disease quicker than others... *notices everybody else staring* ...what?
The Big Lebowski: SHUT THE FUCK UP RITSU, YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR ISSUE!!!!
Ritsuko: ...
Rei: Is that humour?
Shinji: Now I understand, this is supposed to be funny. *chuckles uncomfortably*
Asuka *clapping her hands slowly. Deadpanning*: All hail the almighty baka, Shinji.
Shinji: Is that humour as well?... Now I understand. There can also be humour outside this joke,
this sphere of insanity.
*black stage dissolves, revealing everybody clapping sarcastically at Shinji and Rei*
Gendo *muttering under his breath*: Do I HAVE to do this...
Yui *muttering under her breath*: Either that or the hot tab's off for the next two weeks...
Gendo *subdues feral snarl*: Congratulations, Shinji.
Yui *smiling sweetly*: Congratulations, my son.
FrankenPen: Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Touji *rubs huge lump on his head*: Damn-- my head hurts...
Kensuke *swallows a bottle of pain-killers*: Shinji, you're dead...
Misato *confused*: Umm... congrats?...
Fuyutski *shakes head and sighs*: ...whatever...
Maya Ibuki *appears out of nowhere with the other two NERV techs*: What the hell?
Shigeru *looks around*: ...the fuck?...
Makoto *throws himself to the ground, sobbing*: NO, NOT THE PIXIES AGAIN! I PROMISED I'D BE GOOD!
I PROMISED! THEY SAID THEY'D LEAVE ME ALONE AND THEN THEY GAVE ME THEIR MAGICAL DUST-WAND!
WHERE IS IT? I NEED MY PIXIE-DUST!!!! *pulls out cylinder with white powder in it, pops off the cap and inhales furiously*
Ahhh... *slumps to the ground, drooling and muttering to himself*
Heh... pixies... I'm your daddy...
Asuka *recovers swiftly from the shock*: Congratulations and whatever...
Hikari *rubbing back of her head*: Shinji, I will slowly dismember you and then I will claim Rei
as my sex-slave for all eternity.
Rei *casts a frightened glance at FrankenPen*: Whatever-- just get this creep of me!
Shinji *grins nervously*: ...I'm sorry?
Asuka & Hikari *grinning evilly*: No, but you WILL be!
THIS IS INSTRUMENTALITY WITH A TWIST OF SICK FUCK! (me ^_^ )
Author's note, part II: You're excused, you can go puke, get blitzed or whatever. I'm done. (For now anyway...)
next episode of Ikari Towers... Gomen. ^_^;; I got caught up in school and other fics that needed
my attention, but now I'm off my medicine so I'm going I.T. again. *grins evilly*
By the way, there are some Fawlty Towers references... for those who know Fawlty Towers, which
have given me a lot of inspiration for this series.
Disclaimer: If I ever get around to owning NGE then you can fuck my ass and call me bitch! Of
course I don't own anything with it! Sue me and I'll donkey-rape you!
Thank you to all of my pre and beta-readers: Yebisu Beer, Kaoru's revenge, Josh Kaushansky AND the illustrious
Worldmage. ^_^
And thank you to Yebisu Beer for giving me the jolt that set off this new episode.
I dedicate this to you. (Never would've written it if you hadn't reminded me how fun this can be
with your excellent piece of work. ^_~ )
Let the insanity commence. *sick grin*
Ikari Towers part III.
Shinji was standing on a rooftop, the wind softly ruffling his hair. He breathed slowly--
concentrating on what he was doing. He inhaled sharply and exhaled just a bit pulling the trigger
of his caliber 50 government issue sniper-rifle, freezing in anticipation of the kill...
"AAARRGHH! I'M GONNA GO DOWN THERE AND RIP OFF THEIR FRIGGIN' HEADS WITH MY
BARE HANDS!" He shrieked as he missed the guy on the swing for the umpteenth time.
Shinji had decided that he had to kill all of humanity (Except for a few select people who would be
servants and populate his harem) in honor of the allmighty mutt-god CUJO (and his penguin legions).
FrankenPen had convinced him that it was the right thing to do.
Shinji Ikari had officially snapped.
They had gone for the swings as soon as Shinji missed the first shot-- a bird has dumped a load
of shit on him.
Shinji had wondered why, but now he realized why: He'd run out of ammo before they ran out of
fun...
The guy on the swing laughed and said something to the lady on the other swing...
"You think he's gettin' tired of that game yet?" The guy on the swing asked his girlfriend, going
higher on the swing.
"Naw, snipers never get tired of that shit. Let's tease him some more, then we'll go home." She
giggled and tried to push the swing to new heights as well.
Suddenly the pair heard a funny hissing sound, they turned their heads to see a big rocket headed
their way... that was the last thing they saw before it blew them and the swings they had been sitting on up.
Shinji was panting. After having cursed and ranted for fifteen minutes straight he had decided to
fish out his 'in-case-I-can't-hit-shit' kit. He took out the enourmous rocket-laucher and mounted
it on a gyro-stabilizer. Then he pressed the 'fire' button.
Rei was having several kinds of hangovers and abstinences... she moaned and rolled over in her
bed to see who she had slept with this time. Last time she had been this far gone it had been
Hikari... she opened her eyes and-- looked into the eyes of FrankenPen.
FrankenPen woke abrubtly at Rei's inhuman scream. He wondered why his bride was acting up like
that.
"Hey, babe. What's with the 'deer-caught-in-headlights' impression?" He asked.
Rei stopped screaming and tried to cover herself up only to realize that she was still wearing
her maid's uniform... when the hell had she put on that? "How can you talk? You are a DEAD
PENGUIN!"
FrankenPen stood up and brushed himself off indignantly. "If you have to know, I am actually the
leader of the almighty penguin legions of the mutt-god COJU. So respect my authoritaaahh BIYATCH!"
Rei was about to faint. This was way too much for her drug-demented brain to comprehend. She
tried to process the information a piece at the time: Ok, I woke up in bed with a penguin. I am
wearing my maid's uniform and no knickers-- although I usually don't.... Uhm, why am I wearing
this ring, I don't like rings. Rei tried to remove the trinket from her finger.
"No can do, babe. You're mine. Now and forever are you the bride of FrankenPen!" Lightning
flashed (pretty odd, considering that there were no clouds and the sun was shining) as FrankenPen
threw back his head and laughed maniacally. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Rei was officially scared.
Gendo looked at Fuyutski, who had just entered the little room in which the commander of NERV and Dr. Ritsuko Akagi sat.
"Is it done?" Gendo asked the older man.
Fuyutski nodded, his discomfort was obvious.
"Yes, I have completed the mission with-" he shifted and tried to brush something off his pants
"-with succes."
"Good," Gendo grinned. "This should teach Shinji not to mess with his old man. He's gonna be screaming for
me to let him pilot EVA again when this is over."
Gendo, Fuyutski and Ritsuko threw back their head simultaneously and laughed evilly.
"MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Asuka was leading Hikari towards the guest room where Shinji usually slept. She had told that baka
hentai baka to clean out the room before Hikari arrived. The nerve of that guy. He had actually expected
to get laid on their wedding night. Even after she had told him it was only because of the tax
advantages she married him. He still mustered up the guts to grab her ass when they slept. That
was when she decided that they should only sleep in the same room when there was an inpending
inspection from the Marriage-fraud Commitee, which had been established to check on all the young couples.
Most of them only married because they recieved a tax advantage and so the commmitee came every two or three years
to check on the young people.
Hikari waved her hand in front of Asuka's face, Asuka snapped out of her trance and gave her
friend an embarrassed grin as she opened the door.
Hikari fainted dead away and Asuka's jaw dislocated when it hit the floor.
In Shinji's bed lay a blow-up Rei and a bottle of hand-lotion, on his television the DVD
compilation of Urutsokidöji was going on and on in replay mode. An empty pack of kleenex lay
beside the reclining-chair he usually sat in and the waste basket was full.
Asuka's scream reached Shinji coming down from another rooftop... "SHIIIIIINJIIIIII!!!!"
He was surprised, so he accidentally dropped his rocket-launcher.
"Oh, fuck it. I'm gonna go get that friggin' chaingun!" Shinji said with a sick smile.
Gendo sat before the screen with a feed from a secret camera in the guest-room, laughing his ass
off.
Ritsuko sighed, rolled her eyes and handed him a kleenex he could dry his eyes with.
Fuyutski groaned and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
Aw, damn. I'm gonna need a new pair of pants...
FrankenPen was chasing Rei around in their motel-room.
"Get over here and give your daddy some sugar!" FrankenPen lechered.
Rei just screamed and tried to get to the door.
Gendo was watching the debacle through the video cameras he had installed into all of the rooms
on the hotel. He almost felt sorry for Rei, but then he decided that introducing the clone of
his wife to mind-expanding substances had not been a good idea... oddly enough Yui hadn't
suffered the same side-effects as Rei, but then again she had self control and will of her own.
Suddenly Gendo had a bright flash of inspiration.
"I'll make the next one a straight-edger!" Gendo exclaimed. Ritsuko just gave him a blank stare
and Fuyutski had gone to change to another pair of pants.
Misato was loosing her patience with the two boys standing before her, drooling.
"Listen Touji, Kensuke! You need to get to work." She glared at them.
"Yes Misato-sama." They chanted, not moving and inch.
Misato slapped her forehead with her palm-- this would be a long, long day.
The costumer had waited for an hour straight. He was getting impatient, after all he had just
ordered curry ramen and the majordomo had said that they had plenty of that stuff.
Suddenly a beautiful, woman with incredible curves came out from the kitchen. She held a steaming bowl of ramen
in her hand.
"Well," the costumer said. "It sure took its time getting done with that ramen." He gave her an
unhappy glance which turned to wide-eyed wonder as she leaned over the table, smacking the bowl
of ramen down before him.
"Enjoy your meal!" It was an order, not a comment. The costumer ignored her tone as he was having
trouble trying not to pass out from blood-loss due to the enourmous nose-bleed he was suddenly
suffering from.
Touji was having a discussion with Kensuke when Shinji entered the kitchen.
"What are you two arguing about again?" Shinji sighed.
"Kensuke still thinks that Hikari cheated on me with Rei last spring!" Touji snarled.
"She did too!" Kensuke snapped. "You should've seen the glances she sent her, and I swear she
had a nose-bleed when Rei bent over to pick up something she dropped on the floor."
"How would you know that?" Touji baited Kensuke.
"Because I was video-taping it-" Only too late did Kensuke realize his error.
"HA! I KNEW IT, YOU HENTAI FREAK!" Touji yelled pointing accusingly at Kensuke.
"Well you sure as hell didn't mind me getting tapes of Asuka and Hikari in the showers!" Kensuke
yelled back.
"Why, you--" Touji was interrupted by Shinji's smacking him in the back of the head with a
frying pan.
"You know, he has family in Madrid, that must be why--" Kensuke's comment was also stopped by
Shinji's deft backhand with the frying pan.
"Hmm-- these are quite handy. Wonder if they make them EVA-size..."
Asuka was having trouble lugging a unconscious Hikari down the stairs. Finally she tired of
having her friend slung over the shoulders and just settled for holding on to her legs. Asuka
immidiately regretted this when she dragged Hikari down the stairs bumping her head on the steps
in the process.
"I'll just say she hit her head when she fainted-- it'll be partially true anyway."
Hikari groaned as she hit the last step and Asuka felt a moment of guilty conscience... which
passed quickly...
FrankenPen was still chasing Rei around. She had gotten out of the hotel and was now heading for
NERV headquarters. FrankenPen was hot on her heels, but as soon as she could get into her eva, that would change.
Shinji had fished out a chain-gun. He had realized that his aim was too bad for sniping and that it was a waste of rockets
just using it on single people or pairs.
And so, he was now unloading his slugs on the crowd on the Tokoy 3 town square.
"MWAHAHA! FEEL THE POWER OF CUJO, SINNERS! I, THE SON OF FRANKENPEN SHALL
MAKE YOU ALL ATONE! MWAHAHAHA!"
Asuka had just dragged Hikari down into the lobby when...
"HIKARI! YOU RED-HEADED DEMON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!" (Hikari is actually light in Japanese.)
Touji had woken up to see Asuka drag Hikari down the final stair, Hikari smacking her head against the floor.
"Oh, calm down. She's just gonna have a little head-ache when she wakes up, that's all." Asuka thought it over and then said.
"Ok, a big head-ache. But that gives me the time to bribe you into not telling her." Asuka pouted seductively and unzipped
the front of her dress, shrugging it off.
"You're twice the man baka Shinji is anyway." She walked over to Touji and pressed herself against him and gave him a french
kiss.
Touji passed out once more. This time from blood loss due to the fact that his nose was bleeding furiously. Asuka smiled and
put on her dress again.
Being overdeveloped was really a hoot.
Gendo dabbed at his nose-bleed and gave Ritsuko an embarresed grin.
She huffed and walked out of the room as Fuyutski re-entered.
"What'd I miss?" He asked.
Gendo just gave him a lecherous grin.
"Get here I say!" FrankenPen had somehow herded Rei into Gendo's office and was now chasing her around the desk. She bumped
into the desk, but somehow managed not to fall. She crawled over the desk, but slipped as FrankenPen grabbed her left foot.
Her right hand strafed something and she felt it merge with her...
This was not good.
She kicked at FrankenPen's face and finally got free and ran out of the room. She almost made it to where the evas were
parked when she suddenly fell through a hole in the floor that had suddenly opened underneath her.
She fell all the way into central dogma where Lillith was currently crucified.
"Damn you're ugly..." Rei muttered when she saw the creature.
Suddenly someone was fondling her ass... she turned around and...
"NOOOOO!!!! NOT YOU AGAIN!" She screamed.
"Nice to see you too." The regenerated body of Kaworu said. "You know, I swing both ways." He grinned at her.
Rei tried to make a hasty retreat so she stuck her right hand out behind her to feel her way... she felt it make contact
with something... she looked back to see herself merge with Lillith.
Kaworu sighed.
"Drat, never one lucky break..."
Someone was fondling his ass... he turned around to se... FrankenPen.
"Your luck is about to turn." The undead penguin said.
Kaworu screamed his lung out. Then Kaworu ran his ass off.
Shinji was reloading his chain-gun after having torn apart everything in sight on Tokyo 3 town square.
He felt all warm and fuzzy. He decided that he would make passionate love to Asuka when he got home, then kill her and
defile her infidel body... or even worse: Hand her over to FrankenPen when he was done with her...
Ritsuko was trying to make a youth elixir that would make young and beautiful again, and thus enabling her to win Gendo's
love.
Fuyutski and Gendo was smoking some serious weed and playing mah-jong.
Touji and Hikari was out like snuffed candles.
Kaworou was being chased around by FrankenPen.
Kensuke and Asuka was making out in the kitchen.
Misato and Kaji was doing the satin-sheet-tango.
Then everything went boom.
Author's note: Another epidose (get the joke? Episode/epi-dose) of Ikari Towers has been
delivered... to what ends is this facilitated you might ask and get whapped with the infamous
rolled-up newspaper of death for being stupid.
Aftermath:
(Imagine some psycho-babble sequence like the ones in episode 25 & 26)
Rei: What is the purpose of humour?
Gendo: To make people laugh.
Rei: To what end is that facilitated?
Ritsuko: Well, it's been proven that laughter stimulates the cells of the body and thus makes
the human body more resilient towards illness and the like. It also helps you recover from
disease quicker than others... *notices everybody else staring* ...what?
The Big Lebowski: SHUT THE FUCK UP RITSU, YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR ISSUE!!!!
Ritsuko: ...
Rei: Is that humour?
Shinji: Now I understand, this is supposed to be funny. *chuckles uncomfortably*
Asuka *clapping her hands slowly. Deadpanning*: All hail the almighty baka, Shinji.
Shinji: Is that humour as well?... Now I understand. There can also be humour outside this joke,
this sphere of insanity.
*black stage dissolves, revealing everybody clapping sarcastically at Shinji and Rei*
Gendo *muttering under his breath*: Do I HAVE to do this...
Yui *muttering under her breath*: Either that or the hot tab's off for the next two weeks...
Gendo *subdues feral snarl*: Congratulations, Shinji.
Yui *smiling sweetly*: Congratulations, my son.
FrankenPen: Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Touji *rubs huge lump on his head*: Damn-- my head hurts...
Kensuke *swallows a bottle of pain-killers*: Shinji, you're dead...
Misato *confused*: Umm... congrats?...
Fuyutski *shakes head and sighs*: ...whatever...
Maya Ibuki *appears out of nowhere with the other two NERV techs*: What the hell?
Shigeru *looks around*: ...the fuck?...
Makoto *throws himself to the ground, sobbing*: NO, NOT THE PIXIES AGAIN! I PROMISED I'D BE GOOD!
I PROMISED! THEY SAID THEY'D LEAVE ME ALONE AND THEN THEY GAVE ME THEIR MAGICAL DUST-WAND!
WHERE IS IT? I NEED MY PIXIE-DUST!!!! *pulls out cylinder with white powder in it, pops off the cap and inhales furiously*
Ahhh... *slumps to the ground, drooling and muttering to himself*
Heh... pixies... I'm your daddy...
Asuka *recovers swiftly from the shock*: Congratulations and whatever...
Hikari *rubbing back of her head*: Shinji, I will slowly dismember you and then I will claim Rei
as my sex-slave for all eternity.
Rei *casts a frightened glance at FrankenPen*: Whatever-- just get this creep of me!
Shinji *grins nervously*: ...I'm sorry?
Asuka & Hikari *grinning evilly*: No, but you WILL be!
THIS IS INSTRUMENTALITY WITH A TWIST OF SICK FUCK! (me ^_^ )
Author's note, part II: You're excused, you can go puke, get blitzed or whatever. I'm done. (For now anyway...)