There's lots of emotional people in the world, so don't get me wrong when I say this. But I'm not an emotional person. Emotion is weak, something for those who can't handle everything. I am not emotional. I do not care. I accept things almost too easily. Caring... is just wrong. Caring gets you trouble and confusion. It gets people hurt.
I've felt pain. I have felt pain that has overwhelmed me, setting every nerve ending on fire and then having them beat to death. I've felt pain like nothing else. I don't like pain. It's not something I want to add to my to do list. Sometimes pain is necessary. Sometimes it isn't but you get pain anyway. Sometimes I get this stupid urge to crawl up in a ball and cry until forever, in clouds of selfpity and hate.
But I do not cry. I don't think I know how. I was never taught how to smile, either. I've tried, but they never look right. Laughing... I laugh, but I have to force myself to. Do you have to make yourself laugh? I've tried everything... I think I'm just dead on the inside.
What if I am? Dead, rotting, like a rancid corpse in the sun, nothing on the inside but foul stink and black grime, maggoty flesh and clotting blood, and a heart so foul, dirty, soiled and dark that it is nothing but painful to see and even worse to bear..
I'm a monster. I've done too much. Is this stupid mission worth loosing my soul? Is this mission enough to make me soil my hands? Michiru, I wish you could answer me, but you're dead, or close to it. I'm ready to die, too, Michiru. You could make me feel emotion, and I'll be damned before I leave you. Can you hear me, Michiru?
I'm smiling, my goddess. I don't know how, but I'm smiling, and it feels right. Usagi is here... she's the messiah, Michiru. All this time, right in front of our faces. She'll do a good job, I can feel it. She's the kind of person we wanted all along. She'll get the talismons from Eudial. She'll win our mission.
It so funny... me... a pure soul? After all I've seen... perhaps it was wrapped up inside that sword, Michiru, where nothing could touch it. Everything else I have is soiled. I'm not good enough to breathe, Michiru... maybe it's better this way...
Goodbye, Usagi-chan.
Michiru... wait for me...