Email: swythangel@hotmail.com
Title: Weißcracks
Type: 2/3, parody
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.
Rating: PG
Spoilers:
Warnings: Shonen Ai (so if you're squicked, don't read.), AU, cross-over
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys
Did I say it was 2/2? I meant 2/3 of course ^o^ ahoho! Somehow this is getting away from me whacks fic>
Weißcracks
Part 2
Youji: [sighs] Well, I didn't really expect Kenken to win it.
[Omi and Aya nod surreptitiously making sure Ken didn't notice. Especially Aya. After all, two weeks on the couch was enough. He didn't want to make it worse.]
Omi: Daijobu, Ken-kun. At least you lost to one of the best. I bet the guy could win the Olympics if he had to.
Duo: Yatta ne! We won one! We won one! Thanks for the win Hidaka.
[Ken groans][Aya levels a glare worthy of ten thousand basilisks on Duo}
Duo: Eep! [hides behind Heero who glares back]
Swythangel: Er, maybe we should go on with the next people before things start to get violent. [approaches button with gleaming eyes]
Wufei: [rolls eyes] Ai-ya! Here we go again. The onna will probably play with the button again.
Swythangel: [protests]But its fun, its like a slot machine…
Wufei: [snorts]
Swythangel: [narrows eyes] Well if you feel that way, why don't *you* press it then…
Wufei: Fine! [walks towards the button] This needs a man's touch anyway. [smugly]
Swythangel: [plugs ears and says in a singsong voice] I'm not listening to this disgusting gender bias!
Wufei: [pushes buttons] Hey this *is* like a Vegas machine! [pushes buttons some more]
[Everyone looks at Wufei incredulously.]
Swythangel: Oi! [shouts in Wufei's ear] Great and Powerful Man! Do you mind stopping now so we can get on with the show?
[Wufei continues to push the buttons.]
Swythangel: Oi! Oi!
[Wufei ignores Swyth-chan.]
Swythangel: [mutters] Well you leave me no choice.[snaps fingers and big mallet appears in her hands.] This is going to hurt me more than it does you…after all I am just a weak onna. [sarcastic tone]
Wham! [Wufei is lead off by Trowa, stars going around his head.]
Quatre: [disapproving voice] Swyth-chan? Did you have to do that?
Swythangel: [Innocent look] But it was, to paraphrase Wufei, justice. He was disrupting the game and this show is only for 30 minutes.
Quatre: But did you have to hit him so hard?
Swythangel: [thinks] No! [beams unrepentant]That's one of the perks.
Quatre: [sweatdrops]
Swythangel: Aaaaanyway, let's look at the vidscreen ne?
[Vidscreen shows Omi and Quatre's face]
Swythangel: This should be interesting! Alright, will the two kawaii bishonens please step right up!
[Quatre and Omi go to the middle of the stage. They smile at each other, being friendly children.]
Swythangel: Awww, I swear this must be one of the most kawaii pairings I can see for a cross-over.
[Everyone can see gears turning in Swyth-chan's mind.]
Wufei: [recovered from the mallet] Baka onna! This is not the time to be thinking of possible fic ideas.
Swythangel:[protests] But I was just getting to the good part..
Announcer: Oi! Get on with it!
Youji: Yeah! We don't have all day. I still have a date for the evening and I gotta get ready.
Swythangel: [grumbles] Alright alright! Jeez! Omi and Quatre-kun…that would be something…
[A normally unemotional Trowa narrows his visible eye and glares at Swyth-chan]
Trowa: Pair my little one with anyone but me and I will personally make sure that Heavy Arms' armaments are fully loaded and trained in your direction. With the safety lock off.
[Swythangel, Quatre and the rest of the Gundam boys stare at Trowa incredulously.]
Swythangel: Wow! Now there's something we don't see everyday…
[Gwing Boys nod. And Trowa gets a smug look.]
Swythangel: Imagine hearing Trowa say something more than monosyllables…this is a treat.
[Everyone nods in assent.]
Trowa: [face falls and he glares because everyone has missed his point entirely.] I'm serious.
Duo: [ignores what Trowa said] Yeah, I mean, this could be a whole new record…
Swythangel: [nods] I agree, maybe we should call in the Guinness or something…
Trowa: [annoyed look] Hello! Trowa to everyone…
Duo: What do you think, Wu-man? Heechan?
Wufei and Heero: [simultaneously] Don't call me…
Heero: Heechan!
Wufei: Wu-man!
Duo: [chuckles]
Trowa: Damn it! [rants] I am serious here!
Swythangel: [ignores Trowa] So what do *you* guys think?
Heero: Hn.
Wufei: Unnecessary.
Trowa: [puts on a mime act and pantomimes outrageous actions][Everyone continues to ignore him.][Trowa drums his fingers on the table, being ignored the whole time and simmering][rolls eyes not that we'll ever see it because his bangs cover that one eye] And they wonder why I never talk!
Quatre:[lays an arm on his koi] I listen to you, Tro-chan!
Trowa: But you don't count. You're supposed to listen to me, Little One. I'm your koi.
Quatre: [flares up in affront] I don't count? *I* don't count? Hmph! [turns his back on Trowa] Well seeing that I don't count, why don't you make like Fujimiya-san there and sleep on the couch! I'm sure you'd be more comfortable there rather than on the bed with me, seeing that *I* don't count. [sniffs]
[Trowa, realizing the great mistake he just made, tried to make amends] I didn't mean it that way, Little One.
Quatre: [sniffs] Then just what *did* you mean?
Aya: [smirks] I advise not opening your mouth at this point, Barton.
Trowa: [ignores Aya's advice and tries to get back into Quatre's good graces] You don't count because…[thinks hard, trying to force out the words from his lips. He had used up his daily ration of monosyllables for the day and it was getting harder to talk.]…Because you aren't like the others. Yes, that's right. You're fragile and different.
Aya: I wouldn't advise that…
Trowa: [glares at Aya]
Quatre: [fumes in outrage] Are you saying that I'm a freak because I'm different? You're staying on that couch indefinitely Trowa Barton! [stalks off and ignores Trowa]
Aya: [rolls eyes] I *told* you not to do that but no, you wouldn't listen.
Trowa: [glares at Aya] What makes you an expert, assassin?
Aya: [looks surreptitiously at Ken] Practice. Lots and lots of practice. And trust me you'll never know which way they'll turn so you need to anticipate. Even now, I get surprised a few times [sighs, remembering his two-week enforced couch vacation]
[Trowa nods. Then and there a bond was formed between the two as they looked at their respective kois. Never mind that they were from different time eras and culture, they had a common bond stronger than anything else boys like them had to experience…a common bond that transcended time and space. They were the Exiled Couch Boys.]
Quatre: [turns to Swythangel] Swyth-chan {tries to smile brightly] Why don't we start ne?
Swythangel: Hai, Quatre-kun! [opens envelope and looks up] Figures! Your task, bishonens, is to battle it out on Counterstrike.
Ken: Alright, Omi! [Ken punches a fist in the air] You'll win for sure. [Ken knew Omi played the game for countless hours, sneaking it into his laptop when the other boys weren't looking.]
Youji: [arches brows] How will Omiitchi win for sure when he hasn't played the game?
Ken: [goes red and looks guilty]
Youji: Or has he? [dawning realization][grins] Aya, I have a sneaking suspicion some people have been covering up illegal activities.
Aya: Hn.
Youji: I'd say the boy should be grounded for, oh say two weeks and we should check his laptop periodically.
Aya: Hn.
Youji: Hear that, Omi? Aya and I have decided.
Omi: But all I heard Aya-kun say is "Hn."
Youji:[grins broadly] That's because you don't understand Aya-nese like I do.
Omi:[snorts]
Ken: I hate to tell you this Omi but Youji is right. [and since Ken is Aya's koi what can Omi do but agree.]
Youji: You are grounded.
Aya: Hn.
Omi: Ken-kun! [whines] Now you did it!
Ken: Gomen, Omi. I didn't mean to.
Omi:[pouts and thinks evil thoughts, specifically, his bowgun dart piercing Ken-kun's butt. His pleasant thoughts are interrupted by Quatre]
Quatre: Anou…what's Counterstrike?
[Omi's face lights up, forgetting that he is grounded, and he launches into a long, looong explanation. One everyone but Quatre ignores.]
Omi: [winding down on his explanation] You're really good if you can get 30 kills in 30 minutes.
Quatre: Sou ka. And we use this? [points to a PC]
Omi: Hai hai!
Quatre: Er, how do you use this? [looks at PC in confusion]
{Omi launches into another round of explanation, provoking tears of boredom in everyone's eyes]
Duo: Gads! This kid can even rival me for talkativeness…Oi! Oi! {shouts] Can we get on with this?
Swythangel: [surpresses yawn] Gomen, Omi-kun, Quatre-kun! But Duo's right. We need to get this going.
Quatre: [smiles] Its alright. I think I get the hang of it. Shall we then, Omi-san?
Omi: [thumbs-up sign] Ready when you are…
Swythangel: Alright, let's begin…
[As Quatre and Omi concentrate on their respective PCs, Ken and Duo cheer them on…]
Ken: Alright, Omi! Get em! No way is anyone going to beat you!
Duo: Go Q-man! Like Wu-man always says, uphold the honor of the Gundam pilots!
Wufei: Maxwell! [threatening growl] I never said that! [looms over Duo]
Duo: Well, er, it just seems like something you'd say, Wu-man!
Wufei: Don't call me Wu-man! My name is Chang Wufei! Wufei, damn it! How many times must I tell you…
Swythangel: Stow it, Wu-man! {thinks and giggles] Oh, oh! That sounds so like Woman! [rolls on floor laughing]
Wufei: [flushes] Injustice! I am not an onna! Maxwell! [goes for Duo who hides behind Heero]
Duo: Heero, koi! Save me!
Heero: [shrugs and glares at Wufei, pointing gun]
[Wufei stops and looks for another victim, spying Sywthangel still laughing, goes towards her.]
Wufei: Someone will pay for that insult!
Trowa: Er, Wufei? I wouldn't advise it.
Wufei: [sarcastically] And why not Couch Boy? [still advances on Swythangel]
Trowa: [glares, taking offense at the title "Couch Boy"]
Swythangel: Because…[stands and draws breath] I am the end all and be all of your universe. In this fic, I rule! Because I'm the writer and what I say goes! Ai-ya! I never knew you were as dense as Duo.
[Snaps fingers and Wufei gets drenched by water.]
Trowa: That's why, Wufei.[dryly]
Duo: [hearing the insult on his name, rears up, offended] Hey I resent that!
Swythangel: [threatening voice] Any problems Duo? [A bucket looms threateningly above him]
Duo: Er, no. None at all. Did I say I had a problem? Of course I don't.
Ken:[snickers] Way to go, Swyth-chan! That's showing that loudmouth!
Swythangel: [grins]
Duo: Hey I resent that, clumsy oaf!
Ken: [ruffled] What did you say? [stomps to Duo] Take that back!
Duo: No I won't!
Ken: [searches for bugnuks] Take it back or else…
Swythangel: [panics] Hey this isn't in the script.
Duo: NO! [sticks tongue out]
Ken: [tries to strangle Duo but Heero blocks him.]
Heero: [raises gun] Lay one hand on Duo and I will kill you.
Ken: [sweatdrops]
[Aya, seeing his koi being threatened, runs towards Heero with katana raised. Of course, he is only making a spectacle of himself because he is hoping Ken will be happy about him coming to his rescue and that Ken will end his couch exile sooner. He knew that Heero would never really kill Ken because this show is non-violent and the writer dearly loved Ken too much to kill him. Whew! That was a long thought.]
Aya: Shi-ne! No one lays a hand on Ken.
Heero: [glares at Aya, because he knew what Aya knew too and was not impressed]
Ken: Nice try Aya. [grins at his koi] But I know that this show is non-violent too. You still get two weeks.
Aya: [sheathes katana] Damn! [trudges back to his seat]
Trowa: I could have told you that wouldn't have worked.
Aya: Shut up. [sulks]
Swythangel: Aaargh! Everyone back to their seats. And let's get this show going.
[Omi and Quatre are still at it and everyone's attention now focuses on the two.]
Youji: Well it looks like Omi is winning. Alright! One for us.
Duo: Don't be too sure! Q-man is the best Gundam strategist around despite his pacifistic outlook. Gambatte, Q-man! [shouts encouragements]
[Quatre being a pacifist isn't really much into the game. However, since the writer is obviously biased and wants a certain blonde angel to win, she pushes and prods until Quatre slips into Zero System behavior and goes into a killing frenzy, catching up to Omi and surpassing him just as the timer goes off. Sorry Omi-kun!]
Swythangel: Well, time's up!
Omi: Oh, oh…[he wants to swear but sees Aya and Youji just waiting to ground him longer so restrains himself.] Oh, fudge!
Duo: Fudge? Fudge? [bursts out laughing] Whoever says fudge when they're frustrated.
Omi:[glares and wishes that his koi, Nagi Noue was here so he'd defend him but he knows that it is impossible because Nagi is Schwartz and if Aya and the others knew, he'd probably be grounded for the rest of his lifetime.][sighs]
[Just then, a flying microphone hits Duo on the head, surprising everyone and Omi.]
Duo: Itaiii! What hit me?
Quatre: [blinks] This microphone did, Duo.
Duo: Ey, but how could that happen. It couldn't very well fly on its own.
Omi: [scans through the crowd and smiles as he sees Nagi in the middle, trying to look inconspicuous]
Aya: [narrows eyes] I sense Schwartz somewhere…[looks around]
Ken: [who has realized what just happened and saw Omi smile at Nagi, tries to distract Aya] Er, it must be your imagination, Aya. Now what would Schwartz be doing on this show ne?
Aya: [persistently tries to look at audience]
Ken: [in desperation, kisses Aya, which effectively silences him] [thinks to himself]Now we're even Omi!
Duo: Wai! Wai! Q-man, that was awesome.[glomps Quatre]
Quatre: Thanks Duo. [grins at everyone]
Trowa:[hugs Quatre and looks at him with shining eyes] That was wonderful, Little One.
Quatre: Nice try, Trowa but you're still on the couch.
Trowa: [pouts and sulks]
Aya: [wryly]I told you to look and learn. I tried that and it didn't work. You should have known better.
Trowa: Hn.
Swythangel: Alright, so far the score is: Weiß, 1, Gundam, 2. Let's get on with the next ones ne? And I'm back at pushing the button since Mr. "Women are weak" went berserk the last time.
Wufei: [glares]
[Swythangel pushes buttons.]
[Vidmachine shows Duo and Youji.]
TBC
^_~ Now what *is* the task for Duo
and Youji?