Email: swythangel@hotmail.com
Title: Weißcracks
Type: 3/4, parody
Teaser: A parody of sorts that has been revolving around my head, Weiß boys vs Gundam Wing boys in lame attempt at humor.
Rating: PG
Spoilers:
Warnings: Shonen Ai, AU, cross-over
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine…will never be mine but damn if that'll stop me from torturing their lives in my fics...Gundam Wing is also not mine…
Keywords: Weiß, Gundam Wing boys
Dang! Did I mention that this fic keeps running away from me? And I still haven't caught up with it yet so its extended to part 4…whee! Gomen…I know the jokes get tired after awhile but I promise to finish this…
Oh and I just love bashing Duo-kun because I like him, after Quatre that is…and yes, it's a perverted sense of liking someone, bashing them I mean. Ahoho!
Weißcracks
Part 3
Duo: Alright! My turn! Finally! I'm ready to kick major butt. [stretches, does warm-ups]
Youji: [runs a hand through his hair and sighs] Well, if I must then I suppose I must… [strolls gracefully to the stage]
Swythangel: Yotan! [glomps Youji]
Youji: Hai hai! I am universally loved by all women.
Swythangel: [narrows eyes] Oh, you are, are you? [snaps fingers and a bucket of water pours itself over Youji's head.]
[Youji continues smiling as he wipes away the water.]
Youji: I look even better wet than most men would look dry. [shrugs out of his shirt amidst swoons from the fangirl audience]
Swythangel: You're incorrigible, Youji-kun.
Youji: [huggles Swyth-chan] Damn straight.
Duo: [stares] Is this guy for real? He's even more of a tease than I am!
Quatre: [whispers to others] And I would have thought that was an impossibility.
Ken: [rolls eyes] You haven't even seen him at his full flirtatious mode yet. Isn't that right, Aya?
Aya: Hn.
Duo: Well if Aya says so then I suppose I should agree then. [bats eyes at Aya]
Ken: [pales and blocks Aya from Duo's gaze] Not again!
Heero: Duo! [threatening tone]
Duo: [sighs]Alright Hee-kun! Geez, I didn't know you're this jealous! [prances off to where Youji is and holds out his hand] The name's Duo, Maxweel Duo. I may run and I may hide but I never lie. Pleased to meet cha!
Youji: [shakes Duo's hand and smiles] Likewise I'm sure.
Duo: [turns to Swyth-chan] So what's the deal, boss lady? What do we do?
Swythangel: [frowns] I am not your boss lady, Duo. I'm just tne end all and be all…
Duo: Of my existence…yeah, yeah! Where have I heard that before? Can we get on with it?
Swythangel: [bonks Duo with a mallet] Its not nice to interrupt [sniffs]
[Duo sees stars while Swythangel reads from the envelope. She scrunches up her nose.]
Swythangel: This is a bit difficult to comprehend. Let's see, we need two sound-proof transparent booths [snaps fingers and two booths appear] and…what's this..Re…Oh my God! [throws pitying glance at Duo who has just recovered from the bonking he received]
Duo: What? What?
Swythangel: [shakes head] I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. [huggles Duo] Poor poor boy!
Duo: Ey? [goes into shock because Swyth-chan is actually hugging him]
Quatre: [becomes curious because of Swyth-chan's strange behaviour] This task must indeed be horrible to make Swyth-chan hug Duo…[goes over to Swyth-chan] May I see?
[Swythangel hands over the envelope and Quatre reads the contents]
Quatre: [throws Duo a pitying glance] May Allah have mercy on you. You must have done something real bad in your previous life, Duo, for something like this.
Duo: What is it, Q-man?
Gundam Boys: What is it? [gathers around Quatre, except for Duo who is still locked in Swythangel's arms]
Trowa: … [he had used up his quota of words for the day and since nothing he would say would ever affect his being a Couch Boy, he has chosen to stay silent though he throws Duo a look of pity][passes the envelope to Wufei]
Duo: To-rowa! What is it? [is ignored]
Wufei: Kisama! If Maxwell ever survives this, I will never ever tell him that he resembles an onna with his long hair ever again. I will even ignore the fact that he calls me Wu-man.[passes envelope to Heero and lights an incense to the gods for Duo]
Duo: Even Wu-man? [gets worried]
Heero: [reads the envelope, eyes widen] Eeep! [panicked look enters his eyes] Must find a place to hide. Must find a place to hide. [crawls under the table]
Duo: [looks startled at Heero's behavior] Oh for pete's sake will someone please tell me!
Youji: Yeah, why don't you guys tell us what we have to do. The poor boy is hyperventilating as it is. [smirks]
Swythangel: [frowns at Youji] You don't really have any right to smirk Yotan. Yours isn't much better.
Ken: Swyth-chan, may I see? [looks so endearing that Swyth-chan can't help but glomp him]
Swythangel: Of course, Ken-kun!
Ken: [reads contents and burst out in laughter][hands envelope to Omi]
Omi: [also burst out in hysterical laughter] Well, this should be good. I [wheeze] think I'm [gulp] going to [snort] enjoy this.
Ken: [wheeze] Yeah me too. [looks at Aya] But I think someone should tell Aya first.
Omi: Hai, I agree. Swyth-chan?
Swythangel: [blinks]You're both right. [trudges up to Aya and shoves the envelope at him] Now don't get into a tizzy alright? [snaps fingers and Aya's katana disappears]
Aya: Nani? What did you do that for?
Swythangel: [smirks] Just a precaution Aya-kun?[threatening look]Why? You have any issues with that?
Aya:[remembers Swythangel]s predilection to throw buckets of water and since he wasn't as much of a tease as Youji and wouldn't want to bare his chest for all to see, he decided that staying silent would be the best possible course of action]
Youji: Hey, I take exemption to that, Aya! I am not a tease.
Aya: You want to make something of what I thought? [glares]
Youji: Er [decides that Aya is in too bad a mood to rile] no. [mutters to himself] I am not a tease.
Fangirls: Oh but you are, Yotan! You are! [Youji sweatdrops] And we love you for it! [Youji beams]
Omi: [shakes head] He'll never change.
Ken: That's for sure. Oi, Swyth-chan! Show Aya already ne?
Swythangel: Oh right! [shoves envelope at Aya]
Aya: [reads and goes red in the face] Whhaaat? Schw…[Swythangel covers Aya's mouth before he could spill the beans]
Youji: [exasperated voice] Will someone please tell me what we have to do and why everyone's reacting like they're reacting? Goddamn it!
Duo: Yeah. Don't you guys know how bad it is to keep Shinigami in suspense?
Swythangel: Well [looks at other Gboys
and Weiß boys] you heard em, they asked for it. [everyone nods]
Swythangel: Alright. But don't blame me if you don't like em. Er, before I tell you guys. Would you two kindly get in the sound-proof booths?
Duo: Ey?
Youji: Nani?
Both: Shouldn't you tell us first what we have to do?
Swythangel: Er, ah, actually, there are mikes and speakers inside the booths so you'll be able to hear. And anyway, it'll save time ne?
Youji: Makes sense [shrugs and goes into the booth]
Duo: No arguments here [scratches head and goes into the other booth]
[Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as both go in. Swythangel snaps fingers and a lock appears on both of the booths' doors. Sturdy, thick locks that's Duo-proof and Youji-proof.]
Duo: [whose voice resounds on stage since it comes from a microphone] Now tell us already will you?
Swythangel: [beams at how good she has manipulated them] Well I guess we can say it now. Duo, Youji, the task you have been set is to outlast each other in the companion of a person. The first one to say "surrender" loses.
Youji: Tch! That's all. I'll win this in no time. I've got enough charms to win anyone over.
Duo: Yatta ne! I can do that. I love to talk, we can talk here. And why in blazes would I quit?
[Quatre and the others roll their eyes. They knew how Duo loved to talk. Hoo boy! Did they know!]
[Ken , Omi and Aya shake their heads. Youji didn't know what he was getting himself into.]
Swythangel: Er, l et's see just how happy and easy you still think this'll be. Here are your companions. [snaps fingers and two figures materialize inside the booths.]
[grating voice comes out of Duo's booth even before the figure fully materializes] Oh, HEEEEEERRROOOOOO!
[Heero shudders behind the table and curls up into a ball.]
Duo: [pales] Oh no! Not her, anyone but her. Please God!
Relena: [materializes and looks around][sees Duo and pouts] Duo Maxwell? Where's Heero? I thought I'd get to see Heero? Where's Heero?
Duo: Dear God…
[All the Gundam boys sympathize.]
Wufei: Kisama! How Heero can actually take that voice without killing her is beyond me?
Heero: [dryly]Why do you think I'm hiding under this table in this undignified position?
Quatre: Good point.
Trowa:…
[Meanwhile in Youji's booth, a figure materializes…]
[And a voice invades Youji's mind] lover boy…
Youji: No way! No, not, not him, please, not him! [Youji's eyes dilates in fear. If anyone was more of a tease than he was it was Schuldich. And he definitely didn't want to be trapped in a booth with the German, *without* a shirt on.]
Aya: [clenches fist as one of the hated enemy appears.] Must not overreact to Schwartz. [The overwhelming urge to cry Shi-ne, Schwartz was nigh overwhelming but Ken's hand on his arm stops him.]
Omi: Poor Youji-kun but I admit this is pretty interesting…[grins broadly as Schuldich advances on Youji and Youji backs away.]
Quatre: Anou…Omi-san? I thought Youji-san was flirty, why doesn't he like the orange-haired guy then?
Omi:[grins] Well, Schuldich is even more of a tease than Youji-kun and you know what they say…turn-around isn't fun. Youji-kun generally wants to be in control. And Schuldich is basically more of the one in control so you see…
Quatre: [brightens] Aa, a power struggle, I understand…
Omi: [blushes] Well its actually more than that but you get the gist of it. Now what's the deal with him, Quatre-san? [tilts head towards screaming Duo who looks like he wants to strangle Relena]
Quatre: [broad grin] Aa, the Queen of the World is after Heero…
Omi: Sou ka. And since he's Heero's koi.
Quatre: [nods] And added to the fact that Relena has a, how shall we put it diplomatically,…a less than delicate voice…
Omi: [nods sympathetically] I see what you mean…poor Youji-kun and Duo-kun
Quatre: So desu.
Swythangel: [eyes glint] Oh, oh! Do go on talking! I swear you two look so kawaii together.
[microphone flies to hit Swythangel as another one tries to hit Quatre. Luckily, Trowa sees it and plucks it from the air before it hits his koi. Swythangel is not so lucky.]
Swythangel: Itaaiii! [mutters] That Nagi! [snaps fingers and a bucket of water appears in the middle of the audience to drench Nagi]
Trowa: [thinks to himself] Serves her right for trying to take my Little One away from me.
Swythangel: I heard that Trowa! [snaps fingers and Trowa gets drenched] Ahoho! I rule!
Duo: AAAAAAARGHH! I can't take this anymore. Someone save me from this annoying girl! [pounds on the booth's transparent walls]
Relena: But Duuuuoooo! [whines]I only want to know where Heero is. Tell me and we can be friends.
Duo: Who wants to be your friend, you crazy onna! I don't want to be, so leave me alone. No way, no how am I telling you where Heero is!
[A very relieved Heero can be seen heaving a sigh of ease under the table]
Youji: Get away from me, you, you Schwartz! [tries to wedge himself as far away from Schuschu as possible.]
Schuldich: [purs]Aw, kitty-cat! Aren't you glad to see me? Give me a kiss. [advances on Youji]
Youji: No, goddamn it1 Why don't you go back to the hellhole that spawned you and leave me alone. [turns to Aya] Aya, didn't you say you hate Schwartz? Tasukete!
[Aya clenches and unclenches his fist, wishing for his katana to slice up Schwartz but since Swythangel has taken it away from him he has no weapon. He briefly considered going at the booth with his bare hands when Ken whispered in his ear.]
Ken: Charge that booth, Aya and you stay on the couch indefinitely.
[Aya subsided. He didn't want to remain a Couch Boy. Better to feed Youji to the wolves than be a Couch Boy for more than two weeks.]
Omi: Yatta ne, Youji-kun! You can outlast Schuldich!
Youji: Easy for you to say, Omiitchi! [is literally climbing the walls of the booth to get away from Schuschu]
Relena: Duuuuoooo! Oneegggaaaiiii! Where's my Heerrroooo?
Duo: [screams]Damn it! Damn it! Stop it will you Relena? You are driving me insane! I can't take it anymore. I need to get away or I'm going to kill Relena, Queen of the World or not. Surrender! [pounds on door]I surrender.
[Bell sounds and both Relena and Schuldich flicker.]
Relena: Noooo! I haven't even found my Heero yet!
Duo: [sighs and smirks] Hah! That's because you're a baka and he's *my* Heero, not yours. [sticks tongue out]
Relena: NOOOOOO! [fades away]
Schuldich: [looks disappointed] I didn't even get one kiss form the pretty cat. Can't I stay awhile?
Youji:[bursts out] No!
Schuldich: [hooded look] Sure?
Youji: [looks pleadingly at Swythangel]
[Schuldich fades away.]
Youji: Thank God!
[Youji and Duo stumble out of their booths too dazed to comment. Heero finally crawls out from under the table and helps Duo.]
Duo: Fine time to desert me, koi! And they call you the Perfect Soldier. {snort]
Quatre: [smiles at Duo] Even Perfect Soldiers have their waterloos, Duo.
Duo:[sniffs] Fine fine. But still…Heekun gets to join the Couch Boys [Trowa and Aya smirk] for [thinks hard] one day!
Heero: Hn. [who couldn't care less, he could sleep on the couch for one day]
[Trowa's and Aya's face falls. And they start to protest.]
Trowa & Aya: We don't get it…why does he get off with one day?
Quatre & Ken: [arches brow] We aren't Duo. Go figure!
Duo: Hey! [narrows eyes] Are you guys implying something bad about me?
Quatre and Ken: [acts all innocent] Of course not, Duo. Would we do that?
Swythangel: [coughs] Er, if you guys don't mind. We have to get going. Our 30 minutes are almost up.
[Everyone keeps quiet.]
Swythangel: Alright, so it's a tie. Weiß 2, and Gwing 2….let's go on with a tie-breaker.
Wufei: Well, it doesn't need a genius to see that I'm up. But who will be my opponent?
TBC ^_~
Yes, who will be Wuffie's opponent?
Wufei: Baka onna! I am not Wuffie or Wu-man! I am Wufei Chang. Wufei. How many times must I tell you that? Read my lips, Wufei!
Swythangel: Wufei! Alright Wuffie-kun!
Wufei: Baka!
Swythangel: Prude! Anyway, last part
out soon! waves to minna>