authors note: this fic has two new characters in it called Phantom Ganon and Dark Link from Zelda 64. Enjoy!
When we last left off, James was trying to get a new motor and steering wheel, which he brutally murdered in an angry rage, Jake, Tobias, Rachel, and Brock were having an interesting discussion about politics with Bubba the Love Tester, and Marco tried to kill Link again and this time it might actually work. Now back to the bus....
Link had just eaten Marco's Wonderful Chicken Noodle Soup and was starting to feel dizzy.....
Link: Marco....this junk isn't chicken noodle soup. Marco: You mean you don't like it! See if I ever cook for you again! You don't love me anymore! Link: Wait, you know it's not like that it's just that.....God, what am I saying! What did you put in this! Tell me or I'll kill you! Marco: I can't. It's a secret family recipe. Link: Your family is &^$%#@ up! Marco: What?!! I'll kill you ya....wait. Your already dying. Hahahahaha!!! Link: If....I....live....must....pound..your.....face......in
Link faints.
Zelda: What did you do?!!! Marco: What does it look like I did. Geez, your stupider than you look.
Zelda gave him a killer glare.
Marco: Man, if looks could kill.....
Suddenly, he went flying through the gas station wall.
Marco: .....that look would definitely hurt. Zelda~grabbing him by his shirt~: Call..the..Poison..Control..Center..NOW!! Marco: Yes, mam.
Meanwhile..... Jake, Tobias, Brock, and Rachel were sitting outside the gas station/really suckie mini mart.
Tobias: Wait. What happened to Bill Clinton and The Love Tester? Jake~rolling eyes~: Plot hole, Tobias. Brock: There sure seem to be a lot of those in these stories. Rachel: The whole story is a plot hole, Brock. Brock: Oh yeah. Well, what do you guys want to do now? Tobias: Well, what's in the really suckie mini mall? Misty~walking over~: Do you guys have to call it the really suckie mini mall every time you refer to it? Tobias, Rachel, Brock, and Jake: YES!!!!!! Misty: Okay......sorry I asked. Rachel: You should be. Jake: We have to call it that for effect. Brock: Everybody knows that. Tobias: It's mandatory. Misty: Okay, then. Jeez. Brock: It looks like there's a tattoo parlor, a bar, a Super America..... Jake: Boy, those things really are everywhere. Brock: .....and a souvenir shop. Rachel: a souvenir shop? Here? Tobias: Why would anyone want to remember this place? Misty: Well, let's check it out.
While They're Checking The Place Out, Link Is Somewhere Very Strange.....
Link: Where am I? Dark Link: Muahahahaha! Link: Dude, what's with the evil laughter? Dark Link: I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Phantom Ganon: Welcome to the Realm of the Dead, Link! Link: I'M DEAD!!!!!!!! Phantom Ganon: Nah. You might be just almost dead. Link: That's very reassuring. Dark Link: Now that your here, we must give you the tour. Link: Why? Dark Link: So you will see pain, suffering, touture, and eventually go insane and kill many innocent people. Link: Aahhh. So this is how you guys are going to get back at me for killing you in the real world, huh? Dark Link: No. This is manditory. We'll do somthing really evil later. Link: &&^$%#!@!!!!
Back In The Land Of The Living.....
Marco: Hello. Is this this Poison Control Center? PCC guy: Yes it is. How may I help you? Marco: Well I accidentally fed my 'friend' poison, and I need to know what to do. PCC guy: What kind of poison did he eat? Marco: Bleach, bug spray, dish soap, rat poison, white out, nail polish, hair spray, green spray paint....... PCC guy: Oh boy.
I Can't Think Of Anything Different To Say So I'll Say Meanwhile Again.....
Ganon, Zelda, Ax, Trevelyan, and Ash were gathered around Link's body.
Ash: Don't worry Zelda. He'll be okay. Zelda: I hope so, Ash. Ganon: I like him better this way.
Zelda smacks him in the head.
Ganon: Ouchie. Ax: Is there any of that soup left?
They all look at him like he's deranged, when Marco comes out.
Trevelyan: Hey Marco! 'Sup man? Zelda: Shut up you gansta wannabe. Trevelyan: Word up, Zel. Don't be getting all like the man on me.
Zelda hits him on the head.
Trevelyan: Ouchie. Zelda~to Marco~: Did you get the cure? You better have or I'll kill you!! Marco: He'll kill me if I do, She'll kill me if I don't. There's no justice in this world. Ash: So did you? Marco: Nope. He hung up on me. But I have an idea. Ash, Trevelyan, Zelda, & Ganon: Groannn!!!!!!!!!
Marco hurried off to the Super America. He came back a few minutes later.
Marco: Two bottels of hot sauce. He'll have to wake up once he tastes this!
Meanwhile (again)....... Link had spent the last hour watching the horrible toutres of the after-life....
Link~yawning~: So when was I supposed to go insane? Dark Link: %$@#&^!!!! Phantom Ganon: Don't worry, DL. He hasn't seen the worst of it yet. When he does, he'll be at our mercy. Link: Sure, whatever.
They walk into a creepy-looking castle and enter a throne room.
Link: So this would be the leader, huh. Why is the throne turned around? Dark Link: Hehehe! My master, I have brought you the new one. Misterous King: Did you break him? Phantom Ganon: N..n...no my master. Misterous King: WHAT!! Oh well. When I finish my song, he will be a psycopathic killer.
suddenly the throne turns around to reveal the identity of the horrible underworld king as......
Link: BARNEY!!! You crashed our bus. That is not cool, dude Barney: Yes, I crashed your bus. I have hated you all since the beginning. Ever since you all wouldn't bring me on the trip with you. You stabbed me! ~starts to cry~ You all are so mean! Link: Well maybe people would like you if you didn't sing so much...... Barney: DON'T DISS THE SONG! DON'T EVER DISS THE SONG! THE SONG IS SACRED! THE SONG IS ALL POWERFUL! TO INSULT THE SONG IS DEATH! NOW YOU MUST SUFFER HORRIBLE PAIN! Link: Like I wasn't going to anyway. Barney: Shaddup. Once I finish my song, you will be one of my people. You will be one of......The Barney Fans! Link: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Barney begins to sing.....
Link: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Dark Link and Phantom Ganon join in as back-up.
Link: MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!! Barney: I love you, you love me, were a happy family........ Link: HELP ME!!!!!! Barney: With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you...... Link: NOT THE KISS!!!!! Barney: Won't you say you love me....
Barney stops singing when a bright light surrounds Link and carries him into the air.
Misterous Voice: YOU HAVE FAILED, MY SERVENT. Barney: No my master! Give me another chance! Misterous Voice: YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE. YOU FAILED. NOW YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR LIFE. Barney: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly Barney drops dead.
Link: I don't think I want to know what that was, but I think that wasn't the last time I'm going to meet it......
Back In The Real World..... Link suddenly wakes up, then draws his sword and begins chasing Marco around trying to run him through.
Marco: Link....buddy....It was just a joke! Link: I'll show you a joke!
They're inturrped (fortunately) by James Bond.
James: Hey, everybody! The bus is fixed! We can leave this hellhole...I mean, wonderful truck stop.
All: Hurray!
Everyone got on the bus.
James Bond: Hey! Where are Rachel, Tobias, Misty, Brock, and Jake?
Suddenly the five ran aboard the bus.
Tobias: Hey, you guys! Check out what we bought!
He reaches in the bag and pulls out a small figure of a baseball player wearing a Twins uniform and an insane grin. It's head bobbed back and forth wildly.
Marco: Hey! It's one of those dashboard thingies!
So the gang drove off in the now-fixed bus in search of adventure. But with their luck, it'll be distarous. But it's sure to be exciting! So tune in for the next installment of The Road Trip!