Disclaimer: Do I look like I'm smart enough to own Evangelion? Gainax owns it, and I'm still pretty sure that FOX owns Temptation Island.
A small boat, packed with luggage can be seen driving it's way up to a beautiful paradise island, where a small congregation awaits them.
Shinji lies back in his chair, stifling a yawn. The trip from Tokyo had been long, and this island was way out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The boat's rhythmic vibrations were starting to get on his nerves, and he felt a little seasick. What was that smell? He got up, stretched and looked around. Everyone on the boat was leaning out the side, making horrible puking sounds as a result of the boat's erratic course. Shinji, being the only one still unaffected, decided to go speak to the captain about his driving skills. As he walked up to the cabin deck, he noticed a pile of a red liquid outside of his door. Blood?
Shinji yammered, "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away" and he bust open the door to see what was going on. He walked in on the captain, an old, fat man with a queer visor talking to another man with a crooked nose.
Keele was stripping his clothes off in front of this other man. "No, Keele, not now. I'm nor ready yet."
Shinji is starting to blush, thankful that he can't see what was going on by a large box. "But we must. You know you want it. My position as captain on this boat will allow me to sufficiently spy on the on goings on this island. Ha. That's a clever position. I don't know if I can improve on that. Wait, how about this baby here."
"Why yes, Keele. But don't use that spiked chain on me this time, I feel like the torture chamber today. You did bring it along, didn't you?"
"Of course, my partner in crime. Hehehe. That feels good, doesn't it? Hey what's that noise?"
The door slams shut with a bang, leaving two very surprised Seele members stunned in the middle of their game of poolside Dungeons and Dragons.
*****
Asuka was busy trying to get her hair perfect for the arrival of the people she was to seduce. I'm gonna knock their socks off with my beautiful presence. I don't care what they say about my personality. You don't need to be subservient to everyone just to tempt people. You just need my beautiful, perfect body, and you can wrap anyone around your little finger.
Misato banged on the door. "Hurry up Asuka! They're coming!
Asuka decided to go meet them by the boat. Gotta try to seduce them from the start before the rest of these packwolves get to them.
*****
Kaoru was busy helping PenPen up to the side of the boat when he noticed someone new throwing up by the side of the boat. Kaoru decided to introduce himself to this very cute looking boy.
"Hello, there"
Shinji looked up. He saw a very handsome boy with silver hair and bright red eyes staring back at him.
"Hi, I'm Kaoru. What is your name?"
Shinji never had anyone want to try to meet him before. He didn't really know what do to. He decided to just go for it. Hey, maybe he might just make himself a real friend for once.
"Uhh...I am called Shinji." His thoughts drifted back to an incident a few moments ago, and he began throwing up again.
"I didn't think you as the kind of person who would get seasick. You look like the kind of person who is used to life in water."
Shinji wondered, How did he know that I don't get seasick? He must be good.
"Umm..yeah. The reason I feel sick is because, um, well...." Should I tell him? No, then he might think badly of me. I couldn't let that happen. It would be a disaster if he hated me too."
"...Never mind. Oh look, we're landing on the island now."
PenPen looked up from the side of the boat. He had been getting a strange vibe as he approached the island. And then, it hit him. This island was the fulcrum of all evil on the planet. If plotted out on a map, this island would be on the exact opposite side of the world as the birthplace of Adolf Hitler. What a fitting place for my reign of terror to begin. Bwahahahahahaha!
Shinji looked up. Did that penguin just laugh evilly?
"Oh don't mind PenPen, that's just how he coughs!" Kaoru quickly said.
Shinji was bewildered, sure that this penguin must be checked to make sure, or at least gotten rid of, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Hey, it's just a penguin, right?
Rei walked up behind them.
"It is time to depart from this vessel, Ikari-Kun."
Kaoru looked around, and into the face of one of the most classically beautiful faces he had ever seen. Kaoru felt an instant attraction for her. Maybe it was because she was an albino, like he was, or maybe her seriousness and lack of emotion complemented his outgoing, fun-loving self. Who knows, maybe he found her sexier than even that red-haired girl trying to get their attention? (Yeah right) Rei stared deep into Kaoru's eyes, as if looking into his soul. It would have scared anyone else to death, but Kaoru was so captivated by her, that he didn't notice her glare.
Shinji, oblivious to what was going on, simply turned around, trying not to think of those SEELE members, and walked to the docking area.
Kaoru, desperately trying to get her attention, extended his hand and said in his deepest, manliest voice, "Hi there. I'm Kaoru. It is an extreme pleasure to meet you. May I say that you look beautiful today."
Rei just stared at him, and turned away, left Kaoru with his hand extended, alone with PenPen. Kaoru started talking to PenPen. "Well how do you like that? You try to be a nice guy."
PenPen just looked at Kaoru. "Wark!" (Step away from presence or I will have you fed to piranhas on PROZAC!)
Kaoru stepped back. "No no, honey bunch! That girl means nothing to me," Kaoru lied. "You're the only one for me." He gave PenPen a little squeeze.
"WARK! WARK!" (THAT'S IT, LOVER BOY! YOUR MANHOOD WILL BE SACRIFICED TO MY DARK, UNHOLY, PAGAN GODS! EVEN VIAGRA WON'T SAVE YOU THEN.) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kaoru picked up a bottle. "Oh, PenPen. Your cough is getting worse. Here, take some of this!" Kaoru stuffed some cough medicine into PenPen's mouth. PenPen was muffled when he tried to stop him. This tastes like Rat Piss!
Shinji looks up "Look, it's time to go meet the other people on the island!"
*****
The former technician, who was recently promoted to Prime Announcer, was nervously await the time when he would be required to speak. His beeper went off, and he began talking.
"Hello, viewers, and welcome to our second episode of Temptation Island. Before we leave our automated cameras to take care of the filming, I will quickly announce our ten singles that will attempt to seduce the four couples who will shortly be arriving. From the top there are... "A banner quickly scrolls across the screen moving two fast for anyone to read it accompanied by gay fifties music. After about a second, it finishes scrolling. "And there you have it. Now, I'm off to the hot tubs, and our special sensing cameras will take care of the rest! Bye now." And with that, he leaves.
*****
Shinji getting off the boat, looks around. "So where is everyone? I only see one person standing out there."
Kaoru shrugs. "I guess that they must be somewhere else."
"Excuse me, but do you know where everyone is?"
Shinji and Kaoru look behind their backs to see where the voice came from. They look up to see a tall man with his girlfriend, who looked especially drunk.
"Excuse me, I'm Kaji, and this here is Maya. We were wondering if you knew where everyone was."
Shinji looks up at him. "Well, we really don't know either."
Touji and Hikari walk by, arm in arm, apparently content with their surroundings. Hikari looks around. "It's rather bright, isn't it. My head feels hot."
Touji dashes for their cabin, and returns shortly with a wide brimmed hat. Hikari looks at it and says, "That clashes with my dress."
Touji then runs off again to find a more suitable hat. He returns panting. "Here you are, honey."
"That's better. Stand up straight, now."
Shinji, Kaoru, and Kaji stare at this with massive sweat drops, while Maya is running around the boat trying to catch a butterfly. What a pathetic guy.
At this point Asuka decides to go back to her cabin. Wouldn't want to seem too eager to meet them.
PenPen sneaks up behind them, ready to strike. I think I'll take out the tall one first. Good thing I found this butcher's knife.
Rei walks by, going northwest, and spoke.
"The cabins are this way. The others await us there."
Kaji just stares.
"How could you know that? Excuse me, little girl, but you should never take directions from a girl. Only a manly man like myself could find our way out of here, for we men have an innate ability to find directions, so step aside," he says with a smile.
Rei simply stares at him, and then glances around.
"A knife will come hurtling through space and hit the space where your head is."
Kaji just laughs. "Yeah right, kid. What are you, some sort of queer oracle or something?"
Rei steps back, and gives Kaji a kick in the groin, sending him hurtling back into some boxes.
Shinji spun around, shocked at what Rei had done.
"That was uncalled for, Ayanami! You shouldn't have done that!"
A knife whizzes by the spot where Kaji's head used to be. Rei backs down, and assesses the situation. Kaji is lying in these boxes mumbling unintelligibly about rice pudding in Uzbekistan. PenPen retreats into the shadows, unnoticed by anyone.
Drat! I'll have to try again, later. Soon, however,
Kaji sits up, looking very tired
"Did someone get the license plate number?"
Kaji then fell down again.
Kaoru took it all in, and was amazed at Rei's ability to sense undetectable things..
"Wow, you were right about the knife! You must be as smart as you are beautiful. You're brave too, you just saved Kaji's life!"
Rei realized this with a shock. She had never done anything for anyone, let alone save someone's life.
Kaji got up again, and spoke in a very high pitched voice. "Thank you...for saving my life... but next time....please try to... spare .. my children!..." And then Kaji went unconscious.
*****
The ten singles were in the reception room, waiting for the arrival of the four couples. Ritsuko looked around, and could recognize most of the others. The other men were Gendo, Hyuga, and Shigeru. The other males were Futsyuski and Kensuke. How the hell did they get hired? One's too old for Viagra and the other probably hasn't even gone through puberty yet! The other women were Misato, Asuka, her old rival Yui, and another Penguin named Gwen, brought because some corny executive thought it would be funny if another penguin was on the show. The same corny executive named it Gwen. (PenPen and Gwen. Get it? Pen - Gwen? Ha ha ha, Not very funny, I know.)
Asuka gets up, and yells, "that's it. I'm going to take another bath. All this nervous waiting got me all sweaty!"
Kensuke sit there, thinking of a sweaty Asuka. "Hehehe hehe hehe... no bad Kensuke! Stop thinking!" Kensuke slaps himself, and everyone else stares at him. "Must think... Big boats. Machinery. Tanks, circuits.. Ahhh.. much better."
The screen goes blank.
The announcer steps into view in a studio.
"That's all the time we have for today, see you next week."
Whispering occurs in the background. Yebisu Beer steps out and whispers into his ear.
"Oh do I have to? But that's so corny! What do you mean I'll get fired? Fine, I will."
With that, he turns to the audience. I a deep, manly voice, he says...
"Will the couples ever find their way to the cabins? Will Touji ever stand up to Hikari? Will Maya become sentient? Will Koaru fall for Rei? Will PenPen ever stop his hacking cough? Will Kaji be able to have children anymore? Will Kensuke get a dick? What about Gwen? Find out on the next episode of Temptation Island!"
Author's note: Here's part two. PLEASE REVIEW MY FANFIC! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE REVIEW MY FANFIC! My first part got 131 hits and only EIGHT Friggin reviews! How the hell is that possible? Anyway, I hope you like it.