Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion! How many fucking times do I have to tell you people! Gainax owns it, and I DON'T!
Temptation Island : Episode III
Kaji managed to get up from the boxes he had crashed into when Rei kicked his crotch in order to save his Rei. All of them sat in shock. Kaji was groaning loudly after his ordeal. Ouch. That really hurt. I… need… icepack. Must… save…unborn … children!
Shinji, Touji, and Hikari were shocked as well. They had never faced death before, and they realized how close Kaji had been to dying only ten minutes ago. Kaoru was amazed at Rei's awesome prowess, and the fact that she had just saved a person's life. God, what a woman.
Rei was shocked that she had actually done something for someone else, being used to a life of solitude. So this is what it is like to do something for others. It gives one an almost tingly sense of accomplishment and pride, and this feeling makes a person want to be happy and satisfied. This feeling is strange, and yet comforting…I HATE IT!
Maya was running around the boat, still trying to catch that butterfly with a paper clip. "WHHHEEEEEEE!"
Kaji got up, after another ten minutes, and decided that he would act like a male chauvinist again, or at least until they found their way to the cabins.
Rei got up. "Ikari-Kun. The cabins are this way."
Kaoru looked up. "I don't know about you guys, but I think I believe her this time."
The rest nodded their head in agreement.
"All right then, let's go! Wait where's PenPen? I'll go look for him."
*****
"PenPen? Oh PenPen? Where are you? Come out, come out my precious," Kaoru yelled, unaware that PenPen was lurking around the corner with a weapon. This was a weapon so powerful, that nothing could ever stand in its way. This was … a toothpick? PenPen knew that the toothpick could kill any other animal his size, he just hoped it would work on that stupid human coming down the corner.
Kaoru turned his back where he thought he heard a noise, and then PenPen leaped out from the shadows, landed on Kaoru's head, and start jamming the toothpick into his head.
"Wark! Wark!" (Die, you miserable bastard! Die! Feel your punishment for the misery you have caused me!) BWAHAHAHAHA!
Kaoru picked PenPen off his head with ease. "Oh your cough is getting worse all the time. Here's some more medicine!" And with that Kaoru stuffed some more medicine down PenPen's throat. "Oh, PenPen. A toothpick! You knew that my teeth had some food stuck in them! Oh, how thoughtful! I love you PenPen!" And Kaoru gives PenPen a kiss on the cheek.
PenPen' rage had been slowly boiling up as he took all his in, and PenPen had enough when Kaoru kissed him.
"Wark! Wark! WARK!" (You will pay for this monkey shit tasting medicine you fucking cretin! I will roast you over the burning pits of hell! I WILL NEUTER YOU!") Bwahahaha!
"Oh, PenPen."(Exasperated) "There goes your cough again. Your face is all hot and red, too. Here have even more medicine!"
*****
"Hey! There are the cabins! You were right, Rei," Kaoru exclaimed when he first glimpsed sight of them.
Shinji looked ahead, and then saw them. "Oh, thank god!"
Hikari looks up. "I …KA… RI …- KUN! Don't say the lord's name in vain! And God is pronounced with a capital G. How could you say it in lower-case! You will surely go to hell now."
Everyone else looks at this with massive sweat drops, and Shinji starts to grow a sweat drop covering at least half of the back of his head!
Maya is running around with her arms outsretched, making "brroom" sounds like a plane.
Hikari starts hitting him over the head with her purse.
"Take that, and that, and THAT, you heretic you! I condemn you to the seventh circle of hell! Take that!"
Shinji just takes his beating responding only by covering the top of his head; he doesn't fight back. After all, Shinji had mastered the art of taking beatings without fighting back. I'll show them all! I can take more of a beating that anyone! HAHAHAHA!
Hikari decides that her purse isn't affective enough, so she grabs a branch off the ground.
Shinji starts to get nervous.
Hikari starts chasing Shinji towards the cabins, and Shinji starts running for his life.
*****
Ritsuko looks up from her "Who can eye Gendo the best" contest with Yui and sees a black dash run by her. She then sees a girl running after the other dash with a branch. "WHICH WAY DID THAT INFIDEL GO?!" Knowing better than to question this angry juggernaught of a girl, Shigeru, Hyuga, Misato, Yui, Ritsuko, Gendo, Kensuke, Futsyuski, and Gwen the penguin all point down the hall.
"THANKS!" And with a battle rage, she went on. "AARRGGG!"
*****
Seele member #2 looks around at the other Seele members, even though they are just big fat blocks without eyes. "Hhmmm. There are some strange things going on at Temptation Island."
Seele member #5 answers. "Yes. I see the show everyday, and I have noticed some strange going-ons as well.
Seele member #2 shout angrily, "I don't mean the show you retard! I mean that evil forces are gather there."
"Ever since Keel and number # 9 got mid-life crisis's and went out on their little sea-faring fiasco, several incidents have been occurring around the world."
Seele member #7 is confused. "What kind of incidents"
Seele member #2 responds. "Strange incidents"
Seele member # 6 asks, "What kind of strange incidents?"
#2 responds, "You know, THOSE kinds of incidents."
Everyone responds, "ohhhhh"
Seele member #10, who has been silent up until now, says, "Soon, our power will be established world-wide, and we can then initiate the third impact!" HAHAHAHAHA!
Seele member # 2 joins in. "YAHAHAHAHA!"
Members #4 and # 7 also join in. "BWAHAHAHAHA!"
Then they all laugh together. "NYAHAHAHAHA!"
Then, they all stop. They look at each other, blinking (even without eyes), and then they start up again…
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*****
Shinji, panting, races down the hall, tuning at every corner he can find, hoping to lose Hikari. He come to a door, and finding it was unlocked, decided to go inside. Maybe I can lose her in here.
He goes inside, and immediately presses his ear against the door. He hears Hikari storm past the door, continuing on her private little Jihad. Whew!
"Why, hello there!" (seductive)
The voice startles Shinji, and fearful of it being Hikari's he turns around.
He looks around at a classically beautiful red-haired girl, lying down in a bubble bath tub. She was the same girl who had been trying to get his attention earlier that day, except she had clothes on back then. Shinji starts to feel a little blood rush to his face.
Here's one for me to seduce! Lucky me! This one suits my tastes well. He's actually pretty cute!
Shinji stammers, "Go… Gomm… Gomen…"
"Hello there, Mister. Care to join me in here?"
Shinji just stands there, and his face becomes a little more red.
Asuka puts one of her beautifully shaped legs out of the tub.
"Well, If you're not going to join me, I'll just have to come to you!"
She then puts her other leg up and out of the tub. Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
Shinji gets a little more red, and embarrassed. Asuka starts to sit up, and more of her beautiful body starts coming out of the water, with bubble-bath foam covering barely enough to keep this fanfic from being NC-17.
Shinji's entire cheeks are red, with a little red covering his nose.
Asuka is now fully out of the tub, and is leaning her face towards Shinji. Shinji is staring, well…, guess where. Asuka starts touching his shirt.
"How are you, Mister? I am VERY pleased to meet you."
By this time, Shinji's face looks like a very ripe tomato.
Suddenly, a wind blows (even though it's indoors), and blows ALL of the foam of Asuka's body. She puts her hand behind the back of Shinji's crimson head, and starts running her finger through his hair.
"Well look at that! I'd say it was a sign from the gods, wouldn't you, Mister?" Oh, I have him around my little finger, now!
At this point, so much blood is rushing to Shinji's head that… he promptly faints.
*****
Kaji looks around. "So, these are our cabins, are they?" Not too bad for a desert island.
PenPen also is assessing his surroundings, but for a different reason. I can use that fireplace spike to impale Kaoru… That criss-cut knife could be stuck in Shinji's head… Ahhhhh… (Picking up a large box of toothpicks) these would be especially useful! Soon, I will rule the world! Bwahahahahaha!
"Oh PenPen, that medicine just doesn't seem to be working. Here, why don't we try this new "Elephant brand" medicine! It's supposed to *ahem* clear out all stuffiness, coughing, and congestion within the body. Hey what that fine print? I can't read it, but oh well. (May or may not work as according to plan. If you have stomach, heart, liver, kidney, brain, arm, finger, knuckle, toe, thumb, eye, ear, nose, cheek, tongue, tooth, knee, ankle, heel, elbow, skin, or genitalia-related problems, then this medicine is not right for you. Possible side effects include diarrhea, constipation, colds, a fever, hypothermia, frostbite, hot flashes, mood swings, inability to sustain erections, impotence, sterility, stuffiness, coughs, and congestion.)
Here, drink this, PenPen! It says it endorsed by George W. Bush himself! (Lightning and thunder in background, even though they're on a freaking tropical island and there isn't a cloud for at least 1000 miles around.)
"Wark! Wark!" (No! Get it away! I wont have that evil republican in me! No! Get it away from me! Even I can't stand his evil! Help!)
"PenPen, here you go!" And Kaoru stuffed yet another load of medicine into PenPen's mouth.
"Wark! Wark!" (I will take your manhood and chop it up into little pieces and force-feed it up your throat! How are you gonna like that! Huh? HUH? You betta recognize!)
"Oh PenPen! You're all better now, right!" (He kisses PenPen)
"Wark! Wark! Wark!" (Die the death of a thousand knifes, cretin! I will take a cheese grinder to your body and slowly wear you away until you're nothing but a pile of blood and flesh, and then I will take your bloody remains and feed them to RABID piranhas on prozac!) Bwahahahahahaha!
Kaoru looks at PenPen in a concerned manner.
"Wark!" (I mean *cough cough*? Hehehe. Hehe. Hee.)
And PenPen runs for his life with Kaoru on his trail.
Maya is seen in the background running around nude, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!"
Touji is on the four on all fours, while Hikari sits on top of him as if he were a chair, legs crossed, with a smug look on her face. Touji is sweating under her weight. Everyone, regardless of where one is looking at, has a sweat drop.
*****
Shinji slowly came to. Auugghhh. Where am I?
Realization of the events of past few moments woke him up with a start. He was still in the bathroom. Uuhhh. Did I get laid?
He didn't feel tired, and he still had all his clothes on, so he took that as a good sign. (I wouldn't have) But still, he had to make sure whether or not anything had happened to him. He decided to go look for Asuka, as she was no longer there. A bit of water on the floor was freezing cold, and he wondered how long he had been passed out....
*****
All the singles were introducing themselves to the couples in a large room.
Touji couldn't help but notice Asuka, standing there with nothing but a bath robe on, but thinking of Hikari's angry face, despite how cute he though it was, forced him to calm down.
Kaoru, on the other hand, took this time to try to get closer to Rei. "So, I was on this plane, right, and the guy sitting next to me was......" Rei just stared at Kaoru, without really saying anything back. Her bright red eyes seems to have a big sign in front of them...
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...as she stares out onto another member of the crowd, the Commander.
Shinji enters the hall, and overhears Asuka talking to her new friend Hikari, "And so, I had him in the bathroom, but he was so boring and shy, that I didn't bother to... you know...He was really cute, though! I'll try again next time I corner him"
Shinji almost fainted again... no one had ever complimented him before. It was such a nice feeling to be complimented... and this beautiful girl actually picked him over at least one other person on this planet! He was just so happy!
Touji and Kensuke also formed an equally strong bond of friendship. They both (no matter how much Touji though of an angry Hikari) couldn't help staring at Misato. She was just far too much of a babe for any teenaged boy to resist. Misato was "dressed" in a wet thong swimsuit. She had just been swimming with Ritsuko, who was in a full-body swimsuit (The same one that she wore to work.) This attracted side ways glances from every male in the room (as well as Maya who kept staring at Ritsuko through a window outside) except for Kaoru, who was content with his near perpetual staring contest with Rei. Doesn't she ever blink? Oh well, I get to stare into her eyes all the time. Lucky me! Even PenPen couldn't help indulging in his spring time hormones as he flirted with Gwen.
"Wark!" (Why hello there, little mama!)
"Woark!" (Pervert! Hentai baka! Get away from me! You're kind of cute though!)
"Wark!" (Why, you look absolutely ravishing tonight. Would you like dinner in an expensive French restaurant?)
"Woark! Woark!" (Don't go too fast with we now, or I'll be forced to pluck all of your feathers out one by one, starting around your lower areas *ahem*, and then I'll flambé you in George W. Bush brand Marinating sauce!)(Thunder and lightning)
"Wark!" (But then I would chop you into little pieces, then roast you with eggs to make an omelet, which I will serve with Katherine Harris (Bum pum Pum!) brand ketchup to George W. Bush himself!) (Thunder and lightning)
They stare at each other, each thinking God, I love the way he/she thinks!
Then they come together with a passionate kiss, as if they were meant for each other. (Don't ask me how penguins kiss, they have beaks)
Kaoru looks at this, his heart broken. PenPen, how could you do this to me? Then he realizes that this gives him the opportunity to go out with Rei. Maybe all those counselors were on to something about dating inside your own species, or at least genus or order. He cheered up! Yes! I'm free to date Rei now!
Shinji is looking around when he bumps into someone. "F..Fa...Father? What are you doing here?"
Gendo, for the first time in at least twenty years, smiles. "Well, Shinji, I decided that I wanted to meet new women too! All the girls here are very... alluring. Besides, I need to make sure that you didn't do anything that you would regret, you know." Gendo passes him a small, foil covered package, "for protection, just in case." He nudges Shinji.
Shinji blushes again in terror, this time getting a nosebleed. He puts the "package" away in his pocket before anyone realizes what it is, and asks his father, "Do you really plan to seduce some of these people?"
Gendo, smiling in anticipation, says, "Of course!"
Shinji, suppressing a shudder, then says, "But some of these girls are my age! How can you or Futyuski even think of touching... (glances around the room) say a naked Rei?
Gendo ponders over this, then responds, "It's not as hard as you may think."
Shinji shudders.
Futyuski shudders.
Everyone within earshot shudders.
Kaoru and Rei still stare into each other's eyes.
Maya runs by, nude, and yells "I'm free! I'm free! "
And everyone shudders again. (Except Kaoru who is still looking at Rei, and Rei who just doesn't shudder.)
*****
Scene: A dark looking room. A bed is in the middle of this room, and feathers are seen all around, along with a LOT of beer cans and a few empty bottles of champagne. Two very (horny?) penguins are in the middle of that bed. Both look tired.
PenPen has a wineglass in his hand. "Wark!" (... and that, my love, is how I am going to take over the world.)
Gwen has a smile on her face. "Woark!" (Oh, PenPen! You're so smart, and brilliant...(pauses) and devious!)
PenPen is taken aback by this compliment. "Wark!" (Well, I suppose I am a little devious at times. I have a few devious ideas in my head right now!)
Gwen is smiling more. (Yes, I know Penguins can't really smile)
"Woark" (I'd love for you to *ahem* share some of your devious ideas with me, PenPen.) (Starts to eye PenPen.)
PenPen smiles as well, knowing he can't resist. "Wark!" (Much obliged! Let's go at it again!)
The sheets in this "bed" fly up, and rustling is seen.
(Yes, I'm aware at how disgusting this may seem, but hey...)
*****
Author's note: Please Read and Review this fanfic. I have some ideas for part four, and it'll probably be out by next week. I'm sorry about the PenPen x Gwen scene, I just couldn't resist adding some personification. And don't be one of those stupid people who reads part two or three before part one. If you're one of them, read and review the earlier parts of this series. Thanks to Yebisu Beer for beta-reading this fanfic.