The Continuatione of the Confusing Story About Snow White
As you may remember, our hero was left watching a mob of angry women about to lynch her bratty stepdaughter. Here's what happened next:
Just then, my faithful eagle Hope, swooped down, snatched the brat by her arms, and flew us back to the highest mountain in the land. Raggedly breathing, because of the thin air that high up, I told her to fess up, what the heck she was trying to pull, or I would fly home and leave her on the mountain. She refused to talk, so I left her on the unclimbable mountain, where she would have to live on tree roots and insects. Many brave and foolhardy knights and princes tried to rescue her, including her very own Alexander Charming, faithful to the end. However, the cliff was so steep, they were forced to turn back, and some of the bravest knights refused to give up and fell to their deaths on the sharp rocks below.
Finally, after seven months of trial and error, Alexander Charming remembered my kindness to him in the forest, and asked if I could lend him Hope, the eagle. I thought he was a nice young lad, and agreed, not knowing what he would use it for. He flew straight to the top of Mount Hanorabi and rescued her. As they flew back, something remarkable happened. The mountain blew fire high into the air, with enough pressure to send the molten rock all the way to the sea. I saw it as an evil omen, the mountain was displeased. Snow White must be returned. I made a vow, not to rest untill my stepdaughter was safely back on Mount Hanorabi. Alexander took the gal home to his castle, where he implored his parents whether he may have this girl as his bride.
"Absolutely not, young man! She lacks the common coeurtesy of a princess. If you are so determined to have this, this WRETCH on the throne, she must pass the royal pea test," his mother said angrily. "If she can feel the pea under one hundred mattrases, she is delicate enough to be queen."
That night, the queen set up one hundred mattrases for Snow White. She immediately started complaining about being forced to sleep on a pile of mattrases, rather than a soft bed with velvet covers.
"I'm satisfied," was all the queen said. "She has queenly taste."
To be continued…