Chapter Two: The Fourth Wheel
Nabiki smirked. "Is it just me or did that panda/boy just hold up a
sign?"
Soun and Kasumi said simultaneously, "It's you."
Genma looked at the Tendos and scratched her otherwise bald head.
"Uh, I think I'm missing something here."
Nabiki smirked widely, which threatened to split her face in two. "You
sure are, Mrs. Saotome."
Genma growled. "For the last time, I am NO WOMAN! Now, may I please
please have some hot water please? Please?"
Kasumi smiled. "Of course Mother Saotome." Kasumi retreated into the
kitchen.
The panda rolled his eyes and held up a sign. "For me too please."
Soun peered at Genma. "You know, if you were a little more masculine,
like more muscles and smaller breasts, you actually would look like a man, like
Genma, maybe."
Genma beamed with pride. "Thank you, Tendo. I appreciate that."
Nabiki walked over to the panda and poked it in the stomach. "Yep, a
panda all right."
Soun looked confused. "Was there ever any doubt?"
Nabiki sighed. "No, father, but you said we would get a fiance, not a
pet."
She ignored the frantic "I'm no pet!!" sign.
"I want a handsome, virile, intelligent, and wealthy young man for my
fiance. Not this monstrosity." She poked the panda again, harder this time.
The panda growled and curled into a ball, knocking Nabiki into her
father.
Soun started sobbing. "Why must all our guests knock my daughters into
me?"
Nabiki got to her feet, dusting herself off. "What are you talking
about? This is the first guest we've had in years."
Kasumi glided in with the hot water. Genma made a grab for it, but Soun
grabbed her arm.
"Miss Saotome! You may be a woman, but no one may fondle my daughter!"
Kasumi giggled. "Oh, father, Granny Saotome -"
Genma blanched. "Granny Saotome! I'm not that old!"
Kasumi continued. "Just wants her water, I'm sure. Here you are,
Auntie Saotome."
She handed the water to Genma, who grabbed it greedily and poured it
immediately over her head.
"YEOWCH!! That's boiling!"
The panda held out a sign. "Heh. It's your own fault, Pop, for being
so impatient."
No one had noticed, though, because they were all staring at a now male
Genma.
Kasumi was the first to speak. "Well, Grandfather Saotome, perhaps
you'd like some hot water for your panda? Or should I say son?"
Genma grunted in approval. "Quite perceptive, isn't she, Tendo?"
Tendo gaped at his old friend. "Uh, Saotome? My old friend? Is that
really you?"
Genma grinned smugly. "Of course, Tendo." He turned to Kasumi. "Thank
you my dear, I'm sure my son would appreciate some hot water."
Kasumi smiled and bobbed back into the kitchen.
Genma clapped Soun on the back. "Well, Tendo, I suppose you'd like to
hear an explanation for all this, huh?"
Soun opened and closed his mouth a few times. "I . . . I suppose that
could be useful. Nabiki, get your camera, please."
Nabiki had been heading up the stairs to get her camera when she stopped
short.
"How'd he know I was going to get my camera? Ah, whatever."
Genma made himself comfortable on a nearby pillow. "Ah, the story is
long and true, with danger at every turn, and barely any food at all." A tear
ran down Genma's cheek.
Several more ran down Soun's. "How horrid! However did you survive?"
Genma grunted and reached for a nearby conveniently plot-placed apple.
"It wasn't easy, Tendo. I had to teach my boy many times without food."
Genma prepared to take a large, healthy bite out of the ripe, red, juicy
apple, when it was snatched by the panda, who promptly swallowed it in one
bite.
The panda chuckled with a low grunting sound.
Genma's aura grew horns and a tail. "Why you insolent boy, boy! I must
teach you a lesson in not-stealing-from-me-ever right now. Anything Goes
Hunger Desperation Move: Give That Back!" With a roar, Genma leaped at the
panda, who easily swatted the bald man into the conveniently placed koi pond.
Genma-chan sputtered. "Now look what you did! I'm a weak woman!" Nabiki
glared balefully at him. "Uh, no offense. Heh heh."
Kasumi came back into the room with a fresh pot of water.
The panda reached for it eagerly.
"NOOOO!" With an inhuman cry, Genma leaped into the room, grabbing the
sizzling and calefacient kettle and dumping its contents onto herself.
"YEEYOWWWCH!!!! THAT WAS REALLY HOT!!! SOUN!! WHAT IS
WRONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS?"
Nabiki cringed at the loud noise.
Kasumi held her hand to her mouth. "Oh my. I guess I better boil up
some more hot water."
"Genma! Don't speak to my daughters that way! It wasn't their fault!"
Soun roared, his face growing to demonic proportions.
A now male and smoking Genma shank back in terror. After Soun calmed down,
he responded, still a bit shaky. "I'm sorry old friend, I meant no
intentional harm, it was just the heat that startled me."
Soun laughed heartily. "No problem. How about a game of Shogi while we
wait?"
Genma clapped Soun the back. "I was just about to suggest the very
thing!"
The two retreated to the game table.
Nabiki rolled her eyes and turned to the panda. "Is your father always
like this?"
The panda held up a sign. "Usually he's worse."
Nabiki cringed. "Ooh, tough break, huh?"
Kasumi walked back into the room with yet another kettle of hot water.
The panda got up and started to walk cautiously over to Kasumi.
Akane ran down the stairs. "Hey, Kasumi, where's my - AAAH!!! A
PANDA!!" (1)
She jumped off the railing and hid behind Kasumi, shivering
uncontrollably, knocking the kettle onto the floor.
The panda rolled its eyes. "Will I ever get some hot water?"
Nabiki smirked. "It doesn't look too promising."
Kasumi bit her lip and disengaged Akane's arms from her waist. "Oh
my!"
***
Far away a lone figure yelled to the heavens. "RANMA SAOTOME!! PREPARE
TO DIE, FILTHY ONE!""
A bottle interrupted his, yes, tirade. "Would you keep it down, tubby?
Some of us are trying to sleep in this nondescript everytown usa city."
The figure growled. "Tubby?! I'm not-" A bottle knocked him to the
ground.
***
(1) Did someone say Panda-ken? (In case you don't get that, think
Neko-ken)
Nabiki smirked. "Is it just me or did that panda/boy just hold up a
sign?"
Soun and Kasumi said simultaneously, "It's you."
Genma looked at the Tendos and scratched her otherwise bald head.
"Uh, I think I'm missing something here."
Nabiki smirked widely, which threatened to split her face in two. "You
sure are, Mrs. Saotome."
Genma growled. "For the last time, I am NO WOMAN! Now, may I please
please have some hot water please? Please?"
Kasumi smiled. "Of course Mother Saotome." Kasumi retreated into the
kitchen.
The panda rolled his eyes and held up a sign. "For me too please."
Soun peered at Genma. "You know, if you were a little more masculine,
like more muscles and smaller breasts, you actually would look like a man, like
Genma, maybe."
Genma beamed with pride. "Thank you, Tendo. I appreciate that."
Nabiki walked over to the panda and poked it in the stomach. "Yep, a
panda all right."
Soun looked confused. "Was there ever any doubt?"
Nabiki sighed. "No, father, but you said we would get a fiance, not a
pet."
She ignored the frantic "I'm no pet!!" sign.
"I want a handsome, virile, intelligent, and wealthy young man for my
fiance. Not this monstrosity." She poked the panda again, harder this time.
The panda growled and curled into a ball, knocking Nabiki into her
father.
Soun started sobbing. "Why must all our guests knock my daughters into
me?"
Nabiki got to her feet, dusting herself off. "What are you talking
about? This is the first guest we've had in years."
Kasumi glided in with the hot water. Genma made a grab for it, but Soun
grabbed her arm.
"Miss Saotome! You may be a woman, but no one may fondle my daughter!"
Kasumi giggled. "Oh, father, Granny Saotome -"
Genma blanched. "Granny Saotome! I'm not that old!"
Kasumi continued. "Just wants her water, I'm sure. Here you are,
Auntie Saotome."
She handed the water to Genma, who grabbed it greedily and poured it
immediately over her head.
"YEOWCH!! That's boiling!"
The panda held out a sign. "Heh. It's your own fault, Pop, for being
so impatient."
No one had noticed, though, because they were all staring at a now male
Genma.
Kasumi was the first to speak. "Well, Grandfather Saotome, perhaps
you'd like some hot water for your panda? Or should I say son?"
Genma grunted in approval. "Quite perceptive, isn't she, Tendo?"
Tendo gaped at his old friend. "Uh, Saotome? My old friend? Is that
really you?"
Genma grinned smugly. "Of course, Tendo." He turned to Kasumi. "Thank
you my dear, I'm sure my son would appreciate some hot water."
Kasumi smiled and bobbed back into the kitchen.
Genma clapped Soun on the back. "Well, Tendo, I suppose you'd like to
hear an explanation for all this, huh?"
Soun opened and closed his mouth a few times. "I . . . I suppose that
could be useful. Nabiki, get your camera, please."
Nabiki had been heading up the stairs to get her camera when she stopped
short.
"How'd he know I was going to get my camera? Ah, whatever."
Genma made himself comfortable on a nearby pillow. "Ah, the story is
long and true, with danger at every turn, and barely any food at all." A tear
ran down Genma's cheek.
Several more ran down Soun's. "How horrid! However did you survive?"
Genma grunted and reached for a nearby conveniently plot-placed apple.
"It wasn't easy, Tendo. I had to teach my boy many times without food."
Genma prepared to take a large, healthy bite out of the ripe, red, juicy
apple, when it was snatched by the panda, who promptly swallowed it in one
bite.
The panda chuckled with a low grunting sound.
Genma's aura grew horns and a tail. "Why you insolent boy, boy! I must
teach you a lesson in not-stealing-from-me-ever right now. Anything Goes
Hunger Desperation Move: Give That Back!" With a roar, Genma leaped at the
panda, who easily swatted the bald man into the conveniently placed koi pond.
Genma-chan sputtered. "Now look what you did! I'm a weak woman!" Nabiki
glared balefully at him. "Uh, no offense. Heh heh."
Kasumi came back into the room with a fresh pot of water.
The panda reached for it eagerly.
"NOOOO!" With an inhuman cry, Genma leaped into the room, grabbing the
sizzling and calefacient kettle and dumping its contents onto herself.
"YEEYOWWWCH!!!! THAT WAS REALLY HOT!!! SOUN!! WHAT IS
WRONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS?"
Nabiki cringed at the loud noise.
Kasumi held her hand to her mouth. "Oh my. I guess I better boil up
some more hot water."
"Genma! Don't speak to my daughters that way! It wasn't their fault!"
Soun roared, his face growing to demonic proportions.
A now male and smoking Genma shank back in terror. After Soun calmed down,
he responded, still a bit shaky. "I'm sorry old friend, I meant no
intentional harm, it was just the heat that startled me."
Soun laughed heartily. "No problem. How about a game of Shogi while we
wait?"
Genma clapped Soun the back. "I was just about to suggest the very
thing!"
The two retreated to the game table.
Nabiki rolled her eyes and turned to the panda. "Is your father always
like this?"
The panda held up a sign. "Usually he's worse."
Nabiki cringed. "Ooh, tough break, huh?"
Kasumi walked back into the room with yet another kettle of hot water.
The panda got up and started to walk cautiously over to Kasumi.
Akane ran down the stairs. "Hey, Kasumi, where's my - AAAH!!! A
PANDA!!" (1)
She jumped off the railing and hid behind Kasumi, shivering
uncontrollably, knocking the kettle onto the floor.
The panda rolled its eyes. "Will I ever get some hot water?"
Nabiki smirked. "It doesn't look too promising."
Kasumi bit her lip and disengaged Akane's arms from her waist. "Oh
my!"
***
Far away a lone figure yelled to the heavens. "RANMA SAOTOME!! PREPARE
TO DIE, FILTHY ONE!""
A bottle interrupted his, yes, tirade. "Would you keep it down, tubby?
Some of us are trying to sleep in this nondescript everytown usa city."
The figure growled. "Tubby?! I'm not-" A bottle knocked him to the
ground.
***
(1) Did someone say Panda-ken? (In case you don't get that, think
Neko-ken)