I appeared in the middle of a forest. There was a path in the middle. It snaked through the undergrowth. I peered down as far as I could.
I asked the question again, this time out loud, "Where am I?"
I tried to remember what happened. It was night; I was up late, talking to Calvin. He was worried, because nobody else could see me. I told him that we'd talk in the morning, he was so sad. He was going to turn nine today.
Where was Calvin? Where was I without Calvin? I was like Sancho Panza without my Don Quixote, I wasn't a loner, I was a part of a whole. Where on earth did I turn up, and what would I do without Calvin?
I heard some rustling in back of me. I turned, and there was a little creature coming up the road.
He was about as tall as Calvin was. He had patchy golden fur with brown spots. He traveled on all fours, despite the fact that his front legs were smaller than his back legs and was more equipped for sitting than walking. His head was most definitely feline, with worn whiskers and nose and black, happy eyes. He wore a worn red vest. He sauntered my way before stopping.
"Oh," the creature said, "Hello. Nice to meet you. My name's Jaggy, what's yours?" He seemed nice enough. I knew I recognized that spot pattern. He was a jaguar, one of the tiger's wild cousins.
"Hobbes," I said, proffering my hand. He took it, although his circular paw was no hand. "Where am I, and where's Calvin?" I had some hope that this visitor would have some knowledge that could help me.
Jaggy drooped at that statement; "You have no idea where you are?" he seemed sad.
"No, why?"
He sighed, "Well, I hate to break the news to a new guy, but…you're dead."
I tensed immediately.
DEAD?!
I couldn't believe it, I tried to say something to the jaguar creature, but no sound escaped my mouth.
"This is an afterlife, I suppose, where the playmates of children go after they die," Jaggy explained.
"But, how?"
"Life is given to an imaginary friend when a child needs him. When that child has no need for that friend, when he stops believing in him, he dies."
"But Calvin would never stop believing in me! He's too good of a friend!"
"Yeah, I know, Ryan was the same…" the little creature began to cry.
"Ryan?"
"Ryan was the greatest friend I ever knew. He was my heart and soul. When he was sad, I comforted him, absorbed the cries till his eyes dried. He loved me so much. We had the greatest adventures. We'd have parties, we'd invent stuff… he was my better half. Was that the same with you?"
I gaped. That was the same life I had with Calvin. I nodded weakly.
"Yeah, it happens to the best of them. No kid keeps on believing. There's a point when they stop, when you're no longer there. We're some of the lucky ones."
I stared at him, "What do you mean?"
"You were a stuffed animal, weren't you? I can tell. I was too. A stuffed animal Ryan brought to life. We're lucky because, no matter what happens, we can always go back. Not even the most heartless kid willingly throws away the stuffed animal they brought to life.
"There's a chance that, sometime in the near future, Ryan will find a need for me, and I'll go back to life. Until then, it's here to eternity."
He stood up, "I'm going to start again. Want to join me? The path's much better with a friend alongside you and I've had it up to here with dollies, bunnies, and teddy bears. You're the only other feline I've seen in months."
I nodded, "I don't know what to do, so I'll go with you until I find my own path."
I never did find my own path. Jaggy and I became excellent
friends, not good enough friends to replace the tear in our hearts, but
we were good enough friends. We spent the hours talking about our
human friends. I recounted the duplicator, he recounted an underground
cave. I told him of Spaceman Spiff and Stupendous Man, he told me
of Marvel Man and his "family." I told him of woodlands, he told
me of beaches. Camping trips, Boy Scouts, mothers sewing the stitches
in our fur. Then, another topic came up.
"Jaggy," I said, "when was the last time you spent with Ryan?
What happened before the spirit was drained, leaving you as nothing more
than a stuffed animal?"
He swallowed, "It was gradual. He was 11. He wasn't
the greatest friend-maker, so I stayed with him longer than most animals
would. At some point, he stopped hugging me before we went to bed.
Then, he just forgot. We stopped playing, there was no interaction.
Then, I don't know what night, I fell asleep, and I woke up here.
I died and Ryan barely noticed." He sniffled. He was obviously
in a lot of pain, so I recounted my story.
"When I first met Calvin, he had no real friends. Human
friends," I corrected, "And he was one of the most destructive brats I'd
ever come across. After a while, his parents got worried, and arranged
him to be in activities. After he started to make friends, he brought
them over, and he started to doubt whether or not I was real, and if so,
how come he was the only one who could see me. The last night we
were together…"
"Hobbes?"
"Yes?" the tiger said.
"Why doesn't anyone think you're real?" he asked his friend.
"But I am real. Anyone can see me and touch me."
"But they don't see you. Not really. And they can't hear
you. To them, you're nothing but a stuffed animal. To them
you're not alive."
"But I am. You can see me for what I am. To you, I am alive.
That makes me real."
"No, it doesn't. They all say I'm crazy. They say you can't
be alive. Maybe I shouldn't see you. Maybe there's something
wrong with me."
"No, Calvin, There's nothing wrong with you. You are what keeps
me alive. I am here to help you and you are what keeps me here.
If you don't want me here, I
won't be here."
"I should have seen it before. There is something wrong with
me. You're not real."
"Calvin…"
"Stop talking. Go away. You're not real. You're not
real."
"We'll talk about this in the morning," with that Hobbes went to sleep.
"The morning never came. The next day, I was here.
Then I met you."
"Well," my friend said, "Perhaps we should camp now. It's
getting dark and with our spirits down, I don't think we'll get that far."
We set up camp, meaning we sat down.
I looked at Jaggy. It was funny that this little guy looked
just like Calvin did. He was much shorter than I was, and those eyes
contained a mischievous spark in them. Then, there was the shirt.
"Jags," I said, "where'd you get that vest?"
"Ryan found it in a toy chest. Belonged to a Winnie the
Pooh doll. He gave it to me, 'cause it looked right," he sighed,
"I sure do miss him."
That's when it came to me.
"Jags, what are we doing here?" I asked.
"Well, at the present time, we're sitting beneath a tree, recounting
stories and trying not to cry."
"But, that's all we do. We walk, sit, tell stories, and
try not to weep for our own deaths. But, what is the purpose of this
place? Why are we journeying? And what do we have to do?"
"Hobbes, I gave up trying to answer that question three years
ago. And I've been here for five years. I haven't the slightest
clue as to the purpose of journeying, but that is what we have to do.
At some point, we will realize what the journeys here are for."
"But, Jaggy, this is insane! How could this possibly benefit
us or anyone?"
"Let's just sleep on it Hobbes. I'm too tired to go verbalize
an existential quandary that has plagued me for five years. We'll
talk in the morning."
The next morning, Jaggy was gone. There was no trace of
him, as if he was never there.
Then I realized…
"We'll talk in the morning."
The exact same words I told Calvin before I died.
The words Jaggy told me last night.
I lost the two most important people in my life.
And each time, we were separated on bad terms.
I journeyed alone for the longest time. I still had no idea
why, but like Jaggy, I didn't give it much thought.
I took a stop by a nearby river, I looked into it.
On the other side I saw Calvin. I wondered what happened
to him. What his life was like. I stopped tracking the days
after I had been here ten years. Calvin was now, most likely, and
adult.
I then saw Jaggy. He was the same as he was the day he
left, two years after I came.
"Poor Jaggy," I said out loud, "what happened to you?"
"The greatest thing ever, that's what!" the reflection stated.
I screamed, and then looked back. Not a figment of my imagination,
this was no doubt a real apparition.
"Hey Hobbes. I just wanted to give you an ethereal message.
Don't worry about me. I'm back with Ryan!"
"What?" I was stunned.
"Don't you remember what I said? We don't permanently die.
We can always go back."
"Ryan still believes in you?"
"Yep, but not the same as before. Now, I'm more of a good
luck charm. I'm Ryan's moral support. I was there when he graduated
high school, and later college. Entrance exams, SATs, the whole works.
Puberty already passed, thank God. That's part of the block on believing.
I'm still there, but it's like I'm always sleeping."
"Is that good or bad?"
"Good. Now, I don't have to feel Ryan's pain from your
side."
"Care to run that by me again?"
"It's like this, Hobbes. Your journey is Calvin's journey
through life. You're shouldering the burdens he shoulders.
Although you may no longer be together, you will be in spirit."
I smiled, for the first time in ages.
"Oh, and I found info on Calvin. Ryan's a veterinarian
for a local zoo and Calvin's an architect doing an addition to several
of their buildings. He's twenty three, married to a woman called
Susan Derkins, no kids. His parents are getting their house demolished
soon. I don't know where you are. His file doesn't cover stuffed
tigers."
With that, Jaggy's image vanished, leaving Hobbes' forlorn expression.
"'Not even the most heartless of kids will throw away their favorite
stuffed animal.' Bull, Calvin's house is being destroyed and I'm
inside it, no doubt. My body will be burned to the ground and I'll
never go back. I'll just be a roaming wander lost tiger with nowhere
to go. Nothing left for me," I went to sleep, trying to put back
the thoughts and focus on nothing. There was no chance now.
No hope.
In the living room of a house, a blond man was holding a stuffed tiger,
and weeping.
"Why?" he asked, "why did I leave you behind? Why didn't I keep
you around? Why did you die?"
"Because you killed me."
Calvin jerked his head up. Hobbes was standing right in front
of him.
"Hobbes!" Calvin cried.
The lost soul now found its way.
***Ryan's Note***
If you haven't guessed, Jaggy is my real life stuffed animal.
I originally had no intentions to write a sequel to Life, but this came
to me in a flash. I got the idea for Life in the same way, so I followed
my intuition. Jaggy died when I was 11 and came back to me when I
was fifteen, after I wrote Life. This story is dedicated to all who
have lost a stuffed animal in the same way. I hope they come back
to you.