-It must be funny
-A singing coyote must be present.
-Someone has to say, "Ani rotzah lalechet le beit shimoosh" (Which means "I
want to go to the bathroom" in hebrew.) [I'm fond of these phrases, I think
they'll be an ever present item in the challenges]
-A human character must lose a toe.
-An rabid hippogriff must be present at one point.
-Cherry Chapstick must be in the fic. *snorts*
That's all, except...
-Someone has to say, a la Paul Revere: "The British are mooning!! The British
are mooning!!"
The Weasleys and The Devil's Child
Part Two
Chapter One - Discoveries at The Borrow
Mr. Weasley, Bill, Charlie and Percy apparated back to Kings Cross station to retrieve Ron, Ginny and the twin's trunks. The rest of the Weasleys went back to The Burrow, via floo powder.
Ginny volunteered her room for her new sister. She watched in awe as Mrs. Weasley transfigured her old purple wallpaper into pink wallpaper with little bunnies and rainbows. "That's sick," Fred commented, sticking his head in the room.
Ron shut himself in his top floor room, intending to write a letter to Hermione. Then he realized that all his belongings were in his trunk. He ran downstairs to look for a spare sheet of parchment and a quill.
Ron was rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen, when his brothers and father returned with their trunks. "Oh good, I want to write to my friends," Ron said. He tried to lift the trunk, only to drop it on his toes. "Ouch."
Charlie laughed. He pulled out his wand, then made the trunks feather light, floating them to their respective rooms. Percy hurried up to his room to write letters to the ministry, and Mr. Weasley went up to Ginny's room to help his wife.
"Ron, don't tell mum or dad, but I'm going to France to see Fleur," Bill told Ron, in the now empty kitchen.
"You mean..." Ron gasped.
"Yeah, don't tell them, all right?" Ron nodded, completely stunned. "I know about Hermione, one word and I'm telling mum."
"When..." he had apparated. Ron stood alone, goggling at thin air. "Bill and Fleur..." After all, she was only two years younger than him, and she was beautiful. Ron shuttered, remembering how he'd asked Fleur to go to the Yule ball with him. He shrugged it off, and ran up to his room.
* * *
Dearest Hermione,
You're never going to believe what happened;
really, its too weird. We got off the train, and my entire family
was there, even Bill and Charlie. They hardly ever come home!
Then mum tells us she wants to have another baby! So we adopted a
girl from St. Mungo's Hospital. She's a week old. Mum named
her Nina, which means a well-loved daughter (pretty fitting, don't you
think). It's very unusual in the Wizarding world for babies to be
abandoned. The doctor told us Nina is going to be a witch, she was
100% sure. She couldn't tell us who the baby's parents were, out of privacy.
She swore she was put up for adoption for a good reason. What would
a good reason be?
That's not where it ends, though. I
found out that Bill is dating Fleur, remember her? He apparated to
France a little while ago, but everyone's been too busy to miss him.
Can you imagine?
I hope you and Harry are all right.
I promise I'll start Snape's potions homework tomorrow. I'm sure
you've already finished it (just kidding, love you anyway). I miss
you soooo much!
Much love,
Ron Weasley
P.S. I'm sending you a signed copy of mum's book, we've got a hundred
in the living room.
Hermione neatly folded the letter and put it in her top drawer. She liked to keep all the notes Ron sent her, so she could read them when she missed him; that was always. She scribbled out a response, then tied it to Pig's leg, throwing him out the window. The tiny owl dropped twenty feet, before leveling off in the air. He began to flap his wings furiously. Hermione watched until he'd disappeared from sight, then sighed. Only six more days.
* * *
"WORMTAIL!" Voldemort passed the room, screaming at his servant. "Tell me again, WHERE IS THALIA STARK?"
"I, I don't know, she did not report to the meeting last night, she took the child."
"I am here, my lord," a woman's voice called from the other end of the room. Thalia Stark stepped into the dimly lit hideaway, smiling. "I disposed of the baby, she's gone."
"Where were you," screamed Voldemort. Thalia would have been worried, but she knew that she was the only one willing and capable of transfiguring Voldemort's sex organs back to their original state.
"I was properly disposing of the child, my lord," Thalia said, innocently. "She is dead and buried, would you like to have another one?" she asked as if it were a piece of candy.
"Stupid woman! Fix me, then go. I spare your life because you disposed of that filthy thing! If you ever cross Lord Voldemort..."
"Thank you, my lord." Thalia leaned down and kissed his feet.
Yuck. When she finished returning Voldemort's balls (they were
quite small, she noticed), Thalia apparated back to Hogwarts. (A/N:
This means she apparated as close as she could to Hogwarts-- I know you
can't apparate directly into Hogwarts)
Chapter Two - The Jocose Coyote
The first thing that greeted Ron in the Gryffindor common room upon returning was Hermione Granger. She planted kisses all over his face, and almost choked him. Harry patted Ron on the back, then left him to be strangled by his girlfriend.
When he'd finally pried her off of him, Ron flopped into his usual, well worn armchair. Hermione jumped into his lap, bombarding him with more kisses. Eyeing them, Ginny took Hermione's usual seat, seeing how she wasn't likely to need it anytime soon.
Harry waited patiently for his friends to finish sucking face. Having finally given up, he talked to Ginny. "Congratulations on your new sister," he shouted, over the sound of kissing.
"Thanks, Ginny called. Hermione looked up at them. She straightened out her robes, then pulled a little box out of her pocket.
"I made this for Nina." Hermione gently handed Ginny the box. It was neatly wrapped with gold paper; a little bow attached to the top. In Hermione's perfect handwriting, the name Nina was spelled out in silver. "I meant to send it with Pig, but he kept falling down from the weight of it," Hermione explained.
Ginny looked awkwardly at the box. The wrapping was so neat, she was afraid to open it. Hermione assured her not to worry, so Ginny began to carefully to untie the ribbon. Harry and Ron leaned forward, anticipating what was in the mysterious box.
A small orb lay flat in Ginny's open palm. Upon first examination, it appeared to be a snow globe. Hermione showed them a switch on the bottom, which brought the orb to life. Inside, a bluish fog cleared, revealing a single coyote, sitting on a rock. Ginny pressed her nose against it, "what does it do?"
Hermione smiled. "Give it a second," she said. Ron and Harry peered curiously at the miniature coyote in the globe. It was odd, like nothing they'd ever seen. A strange music began to play, coming from within the globe. Ginny had the sudden urge to giggle. Judging by their faces, her friends felt it too.
"What is that," Ron wheezed. Hermione, who was bouncing in Ron's lap (because his whole body was shaking from laughter), had trouble taking the orb from Ginny's hands. Once she had a firm grip on it (which was quite difficult, she was chortling), she clicked the off switch on the orb. Immediately, they stopped laughing.
Ron repeated the question, "what is that?"
"It was a muggle snow globe. I charmed it to make people laugh." Harry gave her a yeah what's that mean? "It's kind of like the ultimate baby toy," Hermione further explained. Oh.
"I think its brilliant!" exclaimed Ginny. She began to re-wrap the gift, with little luck. "Er, Hermione, sorry."
Hermione shrugged, then fixed it up with magic. "No problem." Ginny suddenly remembered some holiday homework she hadn't finished. Not wanting to be the third wheel, Harry retired to the boy's dorm.
Chapter Three - Midnight Allergies
"Its just us," Ron whispered into Hermione's ear. She turned her head around, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Yeah, and like 30 other people," she whispered back, kissing his nose.
"So what, we don't know them," said Ron. He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek. She tilted her face down, looking into his eyes. Ron pushed Hermione's lose hair behind her ears, resting his hand over the ear, his palm on her cheek.
"Just because they're never mentioned in Harry's books, doesn't mean we don't know them," Hermione said. Taken back, Ron moved his hand away, thinking.
"Well, I suppose it doesn't," he replied, somewhat louder.
"Hey Weasley, hey Granger," a random Gryffindor called.
"Hey Gloria!" waved Hermione and Ron. A few other Gryffindors passed by, and the moment was officially over. "So much for PDA in the common room," sighed Hermione. She stood up, stretched and helped Ron out of the chair.
"I'm starting to get the feeling back in my legs," he teased. Hermione shot him a glance, which he read in two ways: Shut-up carrot head and I want you now! Ignoring the first one, Ron proposed, "let's go somewhere else, to be alone."
"Where?" Hermione asked. It was past curfew, and the idea of sneaking out was both wrong and exciting. Ron shrugged. "If we got caught..." Hermione said, shoving her excitement out of mind.
"Hermione, your a prefect!" She thought about it for a moment.
"But your not," she said. Ron put his arms around her. Do you want me or not? She looked way up (yes, that's how tall Ron was) and responded Of course...
"I'll go and see if Harry'll lend us his cloak, wait here," Ron instructed.
"I need something too," Hermione said. "Meet you back here in five minutes," she called, running off to the girls dormitory.
* * *
A few moments later, Hermione emerged into the common room. She looked around; surely Ron wasn't still in his dormitory. Just as she was about to go to bed, something grabbed Hermione's shoulder, somethinginvisible; Ron. Hermione stretched her arms into the air behind her, touching Ron's familiar body.
"You look silly," Ron whispered. Looking straight through him, Hermione shot him a glance. Ignoring it, he said, "you open the door, I'll follow, and then get under the cloak." Hermione nodded, then started walking.
Once outside the portrait hole, Hermione checked the halls; the coast was clear. Ron lifted the silky cloak, then draped it over them. After sharing a tender kiss, they started walking down the halls. Unable to find a suitable abandoned room, Ron suggested the barn near Hagrid's hut.
There was a light spring breeze over the Hogwarts grounds. Ron and Hermione walked at a brisk pace, careful not to trip over the cloak. They had nearly been caught by Filtch, while exiting the castle. Luckily, peeves thought it was a game, and begun opening doors all over the school.
Hermione magically opened the barn door. It was locked with a muggle padlock, which could easily be opened with a simple spell. Of course, few wizards thought it necessary to learn such muggle-related charms.
Ron whispered "lumos," under the cloak, which dimly lit the barn. He pulled off the invisibility cloak, stuffing it into his pocket. There were about twenty hippogriffs in large stalls in the enormous barn. They all appeared to be sleeping.
Lighting her own wand, Hermione lead Ron to a large pile of hay in the corner. It was a little chili and they were both shivering. Hermione conjured a dozen floating candles, then charmed them to give off extra heat. Soon, she and Ron were very cozy in the hay; they became lost in each other.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, Ron and Hermione separated for some much-needed air. Hermione dug through her pockets for some Chapstick. After applying it, Ron whispered urgently "what kind is that?"
"Cherry, why?" Hermione responded.
"Cherry!" Ron exclaimed, a little too loud. A few hippogriffs woke, and started walking around their stalls.
"Keep it down!" Hermione hissed. Ron was staring at her wide-eyed. "What?" she said.
"Hermione, I'm allergic to cherries! Tell me you haven't been wearing that all night," he asked desperately.
"I have, I'm sorry," Hermione said. She was about to ask what happened when Ron ate cherries, but a loud hippogriff started screeching. "They're not supposed to do that," Hermione said, pulling herself out of the hay. "Hagrid's going to come out here if we don't do something!"
The loud hippogriff was in the last stall. Hermione frantically put a silencing charm on it, but it was too late. The barn door slammed open. "Show yourself!" Hagrid shouted. His voice was almost unrecognizable without its gentleness.
Ron and Hermione froze. Heart racing, Hermione squeaked "its Hermione and Ron." Hagrid, who had been running across the barn, stopped.
"Hermione? What are you doing down here?" The gentleness partly returned to his voice.
"Lumos," Hermione whispered. Despite the silencing charm, they could now see the hippogriff running around its chamber kicking and snorting. Hagrid immediately ran over to it, extremely worried. "What's wrong with it?" Hermione asked.
"I think it got rabies," answered Hagrid. He temporarily forgot that they were breaking school rules, and was about to ask Ron to get Madam Pomfrey, then stopped. "What happened to your face Ron?"
Hermione shone her wand light on her boyfriend. His face and arms were covered in hives. Having noticed them, Ron began to frantically scratch at them. "Don't do that," advised Hermione. She quickly performed an anti-itching charm, reliving Ron of the pain.
Chapter Four – England vs. America
The next weekend, Mrs. Weasley nervously checked the clock. Percy and Mr. Weasley were still at work. Blasted, she thought. Percy had promised to be home by 7 to watch Nina. Molly had an appointment with an American editor in ten minutes.
The baby in Molly's arms was squirming. She gently placed Nina on the couch, giving her a stuffed bunny to cuddle with. Immediately, Nina fell back asleep, but for how long? In her book, Mrs. Weasley spoke strongly against sleeping charms; she didn't want to be a hypocrite in front of the American editor. She had no other choice but to look after the child during the meeting.
A few minutes later, two figures apparated into the Weasley's living room. One was a middle-aged woman, the other a teenage girl. Both were wearing muggle clothes. The woman wore a simple dress suite, her wand sticking out of the pocket. The girl, on the other hand, was wearing some type of shorts and a tank top. The shorts were too long to be shorts, but too short to be pants. In Molly's opinion, they were too tight to be either. The tank top was low cut, and had the words Abercrombie and Fitch plastered across the chest. She wore two-inch platform sandals on her feet.
"Molly Weasley?" the woman asked, in a heavy American accent. "I'm Shannon Gales," she said pushing out her hand. Molly nodded, taking the hand. This is my daughter, Heather," Shannon said, having finally let go of Molly's hand.
"Nice to meet you, Heather," Molly replied. Heather, who was loudly chewing gum, smiled at Mrs. Weasley. It was apparent that she would have rather been anywhere but there.
"I'm really sorry," Ms. Evans said. "Its Memorial Day weekend, and I didn't want to leave Heather alone at home, she's underage and all." Molly nodded, though confused.
"My underage children are at Hogwarts," she said. "Well, most of them," she added. She was referring to Nina, who was still fast asleep on the sofa. "Have a seat," she said.
Shannon and Heather seated themselves across from Molly. "I've read your book," Ms. Evans said. "Oh, it was brilliant! Only wished I'd had it raising Heather," she said. Molly had trouble keeping up with the American woman's language. It was so unfamiliar.
After discussing some of the most boring issues, Nina began to whale. Molly, being in a similar situation as the editor (having to bring a child to the meeting), wasn't as worried as before. "My son Percy, who is a bit of a workaholic, was supposed to be home to watch her," she explained. Shannon nodded, understandingly.
"My x-husband was supposed to take Heather. It's an American holiday, that's why she's home this weekend from school. Anyway, he pulled out at the last second."
Heather rolled her eyes. "Mom, I'm fifteen, I can look after myself!"
"Oh no you can't!" Shannon exclaimed. It's a good thing I intercepted those party invitations you were owling your friends last night. Heather opened her mouth to scream back at her mother, but Mrs. Weasley interrupted.
"Heather, dear," she said calmly. The girl turned to stare at Mrs. Weasley. "Could I ask you to do a favor and watch Nina, that way your mother and I can work."
Delighted, Heather said "oh! I love babies!"
Shannon looked skeptical. "She'd have one if she could," muttered Ms. Evans.
"Mom!" Heather screamed.
"She's only fifteen," said Ms. Evans, hoping to change Molly's mind.
Seeing how they were not going to get any work done until Heather Evans left, Molly convinced the girl's mother that they would be all right. She set up a bath for Nina, leaving Heather there to attend to it, then returned to the living room.
"Hey little babe," Heather said. Nina splashed the water on her, giggling. She was so cute! "You should meet my boyfriend, Steve, he's a total hotty" she told the baby. Using the side of the tub, Nina pulled herself into a somewhat standing position. Reaching in, Heather lifted her out of the warm water.
"Look at you, you're cute as a button!" Heather exclaimed. She put the naked baby on the changing table, pulling out her wand. Nina reached out for it. "No, you can't have it," Heather cooed in baby talk. Nina frantically reached out with her arms and legs, exposing her bare bottom.
"The British are mooning! The British are mooning!" Heather joked. Nina giggled, which made Heather melt. "Aw" she sighed. Nina's dark brown eyes danced upon Heather's wand. What's the harm, she told herself. Heather lowered her wand arm, and Nina grabbed it.
"Come on babe," Heather pleaded. She was having second thoughts about giving a baby a wand. Nina had practically glued her tiny fingers to the wood, the way only a baby could do.
Desperate, Heather yanked at the wand with both all her might. Just as it was coming lose, jets of blue light shot out the end, straight for her foot. "Ouch!" she screamed. Ms. Evans came running up the stairs, Mrs. Weasley apparated there.
Scared for her baby, Mrs. Weasley was shocked to see Nina giggling on the changing table. Instead, Heather was doubled over, holding onto her foot. "My toe!" she shouted.
Ms. Evans ran into the bathroom. "Heather!" she screamed. She pulled out her wand and numbed her foot. Heather stopped screaming, and let go of her foot. She clapped her hand over her mouth. One of Heather's toes was missing.
"Can she apparate?" Molly asked. Heather nodded weakly.
Shannon was sobbing. Trying not to puke, Molly commanded them to
"apparate to St. Mungo's hospital, all right? They nodded.
Molly scooped up her naked baby, a pair of pajamas and apparated after
them.
Chapter Five – Ron's Rueful Code
Hermione was studying 24/7 for the O.W.L.'s. Ron saw very little of his girlfriend the last few months of school. Even after the test, Hermione was sure she'd fail. She'd storm into the common room, muttering about question 12A, then run back to the library to look up up the answer. Ron couldn't even remember what question 12A was.
When the results finally came back at the beginning of June, Hermione got the highest marks of all the fifth years. In fact, she'd gotten the highest O.W.L.'s in 50 years! Hermione finally relaxed, spending all her free time with Ron.
Most of the school was at a Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin Quidditch game. Hermione and Ron were sitting under a tall shady tree on a lawn behind the school. The lake wasn't far off, and Hermione had thrown away her cherry Chapstick.
Finally pulling out of a long kiss, Hermione whispered "what are we going to do without each other all summer?" Ron stroked her hair.
"Come and visit me," he said. "I don't think I can live three months without you! Stupid baby'll probably keep us up all night, not to mention Fred and George, they're going to be brewing their joke candy all summer! I'll have dad attach your house to the floo-network, you can visit everyday," rambled Ron.
"Shut-up," she said lovingly. Ron leaned in, anticipating her to do the same. Instead, Hermione backed away. "Could you really do that?" Ron pulled back, confused. "Attach us to the floo-network, I mean." He nodded. "That would be grand!"
"Shut-up," mocked Ron. Hermione wanted to slap him, but before she could, he kissed her. The afternoon faded away. The sky turned brilliant shades of orange, red, purple and pink. Ron and Hermione held hands, watching the sun set.
"I could stand here forever," Hermione whispered.
"I couldn't," Ron said.
"You're romantic," said Hermione sarcastically.
"Ani rotzah lalechet le beit shimoosh," muttered Ron.
Hermione laughed. "What's that one mean?" she asked. Since she'd started dating Ron, earlier in the year, Hermione had heard quite a number of Weasley codes. They were all somewhat sexual, which was why he'd never mentioned them before.
"It means I have to go to the bathroom," Ron said. Hermione stopped laughing.
"You're kidding," she said. He shook his head. "That's not funny. Was it one of Charlie's codes?" His head shook. "It couldn't have been Bill's, they're hysterical," Hermione said. "Fred or George?" No. "Percy?" NO! "It was your!" Hermione concluded. Ron turned crimson.
"Charlie gave me his old Hebrew/English transliteration book over the holiday. He told me to write five before the end of the year."
Hermione laughed. "You need help, don't you?" she asked.
Ron nodded his head, pulling out a worn out book from his bag. Hermione
sat on the damp grass, opening the book. Ron looked awkwardly at
the ground. "I really do have to go to the bathroom."
Ok, so does Ron get to go to the bathroom?? Find out in the next part...
Just kidding! The next part starts out with a little cliché
I'm writing, where thirteen years go by. It'll be my first ever cliché,
so bear with me! Oh yeah, please review, I love reading them.
If you do, I promise I'll check out your work if your a signed reader.
Especially if your a METMA member, I love hearing from you guys.
Thanks again to Mandy, she really started the whole METMA thing.
Here's her webpage.
Here's mine: Juliette's FanFic
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