The real Shinrashady
anothe ramble by RJS
I have the author Xyra and X-treme's permission to use them in this ramble.
( I reccomend you read my other ramble Dude where's my stuff before reading this one)
(Rufus J ShinRa's fanfic palace)
RJS: YES! I'M DONE!
Rufus: Hey RJS guess what?
RJS: (Impatiently) What?
Rufus: I think I'm gonna become a rapper! (I fall back)
RJS: HA! HA! HA! THAT'S THE STUPIDIST THING I EVER HEARD!
Rufus: Well...I have a rapper name now...Master R!
RJS: Master R?
Rufus: Yeah master R. The real Shinrashady.
RJS: What made you want to do this.
Rufus: Well all the freaky FF villans started a Black Sabbath type band.
(Sephiroth's house)
Kefka: What should we name our band?
Sephiroth: The "One Winged Angels".
Golbez: I guess I can play Bass.
Ex-Death: Electric Gutair for me!
Kefka: Did you hear? Reno, Tseng and Rude started a boy band.
(T.U.R.K HQ)
Reno: What should we call ourselves?
Rude: N*Turk?
Reno: Okay.
Elena: Hey guy's. Can I joinb your band?
Reno: It's called a BOY band for a reason Elena. You write our lyrics like the N*Sync and the Backstreet boys.
Elena: Fine.
(Back to my house)
Rufus: Yo,Yo,Yo....did I get it right?
Barret: More tone in those "Yo's"
Rufus: This is hard. So your gonna mix my background music?
Barret: Of course Foo. Now get rappin!
RJS: How's Rufus doing? I got the clothes he's supposed to wear. (I hold up Blue jeans,earrings, a gold chain and a microphone)
Rufus: Mikecheck 1,2 Master R is recording!
Barret: DAMMIT! YOU DID IT WRONG!
Rufus: Hey I'm doing a good job.
Barret: Ya gotta have more attituide!
Rufus: (Singing) Yo! I'm dat $*(# Master R...I live in the ghetto of the Shinra building! I get everything I want! (Stops) What rymes with Want?
RJS: That was the worse piece of crap I ever heard. What's Kuja doing?
Rufus: Oh since Kuja is a bit...fruity he's singing and dressing like Elton John.
RJS: Maybe you can play with him like that Eminem guy.
Rufus: NO! Masta R don't like that!
RJS: (Sighs.) Better get back to fanfiction.
Rufus: (Sings) Hi! My name is what? My name is who? My name is chicka...chicka...Slimshinra! (Get's hit on the head by a brick)
RJS: SHUT UP!
Xyra: Hey Rufus! Ooops! I mean Master R!
Rufus: Yes?
Xyra: I want to be your manager. 97% of your money will go to me. Sound fair?
Rufus: Okay.
RJS: Xyra...you and your get rich quick schemes. Say do we have our groups from my other ramble: "Dude where's my Stuff?"
Xyra: Yup. THIEF SQUAD! (Locke, Yuffie and Zidane appear)
RJS: DRAGOON SQUAD! (Freya and Kain appear)
(If you haven't read "Dude where's my Stuff?" you should know since Freya and Kain are Dragoons they saw Jump in every sentence in my rambles from now on)
Kain: Woah it's the Jumpin Master R! Formally Rufus Shinra.
Freya: I am jumping in delight!
RJS: Crap. Not again.
(Kuja's house)
Kuja: (Wearing Elton John glasses) I'm now Elton Kuja. The Yaoi or whatever I am, singer!
Thorn: Even gayer you look then before!
Kuja: Silence fiend! I'll be a musical sucess.
Zorn: Against Master R and the One Winged angels and N*Turk?
Kuja: We'll find a way.
(RJS shouse)
Xyra: Okay Locke your going on another treasure hunt. (Hands the Chcohograph to Locke)
Locke: In Kuja's bedroom?
Xyra: Sure. There's a BIG treasure there. (Locke leaves) Heh. Moron.
(Kuja's house)
Locke: Let's see...to find the treasure I have to...put my hands on the bed? NO WAY! (Kuja comes in)
Kuja: Locke my darling! You have come back!
Locke: AHHHH!!!! Not you again!
Kuja: Come to Kuja! (Locke kicks him in the face)
Locke: YAAAAAHHHH!!!!
(Street)
RJS: Hmm? Xyra's recording studio? (Enters)
Xyra: Or RJS...welcome to my recording studio. If you want to see Rufus he's busy. We're making Rufus look like he grew up in the Ghetto even though led a sheltered life. Like Kid Rock. Maybe you want to hear his new song?
RJS: ...not really.
Rufus: (Singing) I'm Slimshinra yes I'm the real Shinra...all you other Slimshinra's are...hey what comes after that?
Barret: DAMN FOO! YOU SUCK!
Rufus: (Singing) Hi! My name is what? My name is who? My name is...chcika...chika Slimshinra! HI KIDS! Do you like Video game viloence? Wanna see me stick Cloud's sword to reach one of his eyelids? My company deadweight I can't get my head straight but I can't figure out if It's Garnet or Tifa I want to impregnante...
RJS: YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU'RE AN INSULT TO HIP-HOP!
Rufus: F*ck off.
Barret: He's starting to get it.
Xyra: I have an idea! We'll completly spoof Eminem's greatest song Stan. Instead of Stan we'll call it Ceciel and it's about how Ceciel writes to Master R and Master R writes back and instead of killing himself Ceciel becomes a palidan. Master R writes back but it's too late...Ceciel has already become the stupidist Job class of FF.
RJS: Sounds retarded.
Xyra: It will work....I'm sure the One winged angels have already started and we need to beat them!
RJS: I'm going somewhere else....
Xyra: Okay Master R once again...the Real Shinrashady.
RJS: NO!!!!!!
(Sephiroth's house)
Sephiroth: Okay. Does everyone have thier guitars and crap and pentagons?
Kefka: Okay. Let's go. (They start playing thier Electric Gutairs so crappily that the windows shatter)
Jenova: What are you boy's doing to my house? Are you playing Devil music Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: Yes Ma'am.
Jenova: Good boy. Now who wants cookies boy's? (A Jenova monster jumps out of one and climbs down Golbez's throat)
Sephiroth: Ummm...maybe later Ma.
Jenova: Okay. (Leaves)
Kefka: C'mon Golbez let's sing.
Golbez: (Coughing) Get...it...out....
Sephiroth: Quit being so whiny! PLAY THOSE DRUMS! (Golbez collapses)
Kefka: (Pokes Golbez with a stick) I think he's dead.
Sephiroth: Oh boo-hoo. We'll just get a replacement....Black Waltz No.3! What's he doing?
Sephiroth: Pre-school teacher.
(School)
Black Waltz No.3: Now class...what's 11x3?
Kid: 12?
Black Waltz no.3: Next one who get's it wrong dies!
Kid: Ummm...15? (He get zapped by a bolt spell)
Kid#2: Can we have recess now?\
Black Waltz No.3: NO INFIDEL! Now we're going to learn science...(Sephiroth comes in)
Sephiroth: You wanna join our band? It's satanic and evil and we get free stuff.
Black Waltz No.3: What kind of stuff?
Sephiroth: Free tickets to see Les Misrables...killing spree version.
Black Waltz No. 3: Okay I'm in. Sorry kids. But your newe teacher is Queen Brahane. (Brahane comes in and farts and all the students pass out)
Brahane: Excuse me.
(Street)
Rufus: Hi kids. I'm Master R! Want my autograph and wanna buy my CD?
Kid: Your not popular loser.
Rufus: How can I get popular Xyra?
Xyra: Most Hip-Hop artists commit a serious crime and THEN they become popular.
Rufus: Okay. (Shoots Gilgamish from FF5)
Kid: Woah did Master R just kill someone?
Kid#2: I need to buy his album...NOW!
Xyra: (Presses a button and Xyra's record store pops up with the thief squad)
Yuffie: Get your album the Shinrashady LP! First come first serve! (Everyone rushes in)
Xyra: Heh. I'm doing good in buisness. (Me and the Dragoon squad walk up)
Freya: What's all the Jump about?
RJS: I heard Rufus shot Gilgamish!
Kain: He did? I need to buy that jumping album. I can get Jumpy with it back home!
RJS: But the songs are stupid.
Seifer: Who cares? He killed someone. He's a real rapper! I want it first! (Slices his way through) GIVE ME THE SLIMSHADY LP!
Locke: That will be....12,000 Gil.
Seifer: (Gives him the money) YES!
RJS: (See's Tifa&Aeris walk out of the store with Master R merchindise) Tifa and Aeris? But his lyrics are offensive to female RPG charahters.
Tifa: So what? Master R is dreamy...
Aeris: He can sleep with me any day. (Cloud comes up)
Cloud: What about me?
Aeris: Are you a famous singer?
Cloud: No...
Tifa: The beat it spikes!
Cloud: Damn.
RJS: I'll never understand women.
(Kain&Freya's house)
Kain: Let's get Jumpy with that CD! (Freya turns the stero on and they start jumping to the music)
Freya: This Lyrics arevery Jumping harsh.
Kain: But strangley very Jumping addicting and hypnotising.....(In robot voice) Kill...people...Kill..people.
(RJS house)
(I'm watching the news)
Reporter: CD sales of the Slimshinra LP are boosting and-(Switches the channel)
RJS: DAMN RUFUS! He kills someone and becomes popular. His CD sucks. It totally rips off Eminem's. And I'm the author of this ramble! (Xyra appears on the T.V.)
Xyra: Hi kids! You like that CD that your parents hated? Well Master R with N*Turk and the one winged angels will be there to autograph CD's of the Slimshinra LP. All for 2000,000 gil! Sounds fair huh? Oh! Here's Master R! (Rufus comes on the comes on the T.V.)
Rufus: Hey kids! Who's the best rapper in town?
Kids: MASTER R!
Rufus: And what would you do if I stopped becoming popular?
Kids: We'd kill ourselves!
Rufus: Those are my fans...(I shut the T.V. off)
RJS: Grr.....(Snaps the remote in half) DAMN IT! I BROKE IT! Well at least thier's the radio. (Turns the radio on and thier's nothing but Rufus's version of My name is)
Freya: Why hello RJS. You look Jumping mad!
RJS: I am. How did Rufus get so popular? All he did was brutally murder Gilgamish. (Kain jumps through the window) Your paying for that.
Kain: Many Jumps of apology. But Rufus is actually making a lot of money.
RJS: Only 3 gil a year. Xyra owns 97% of him.
X-treme: I can help. I'm another Fanfic.net author.
RJS: Hey X-treme. He wrote the Ms. Alexandria contest.
X-treme: Yeah, Yeah. Anyway let's just ignore Rufus and just watch a movie since the T.V. is owned by Xyra too.
RJS: It is? TO THE PS2!
(Xyra's record shop)
Xyra: (Counting gil) Heh. The profits are pouring in. The Shinrashady LP is the most sucessfull CD ever. And I always thought Hip-hop was stupid...until now. Now I'm the richiest author on Fanfic.net!
Rufus: Hey Xyra. I need my cut of the money. (Xyra hands him 3 gil) Thanks!
Locke: Heh. I heard of a new music groupwho's CD you can sell.
Xyra: Who?
Locke: Actually several. N*Turk, the One winged Angels and Cloud is starting a Rickey Martin gig!
Xyra: We'll make trillions! Master R will come out with a new album soon as well.
Rufus: I will?
Xyra: Yes. As Eminem had the Marshall Mathers LP. You will have the Rufus Shinra LP with such songs as: "Ceciel" like Eminem's "Stan" and "Dictator" like Eminem's "Criminal" plus much more!
Rufus: ....ok. I gotta go chill with my new homies. (Walks off)
Xyra: N*Turk eh?
(Reno's house)
Elena: Okay you three. I wrote down your lyrics. You'll be the heart throbs of girls 3-12.
Reno: That's it?
Elena: No one else listens to this style of music. Now sing about hopless love and romance.
Rude: (Sings) You are the one that I love...(Elena whips him)
Elena: Faster baldy! More emotion!
Reno: (Sings in fake accent) Take my hand...(Get's whacked by a mallet)
Elena: More efficent wise-guy. Now Tseng has it right.
Tseng: But I didn't say anything.
Elena: I know. But let's not let that get between us...
Tseng: STAY AWAY!
(My house)
Kain: I need to use the Jumping toilet.
RJS: It's broken.
Kain: JUMP! I CAN'T HOLD IT IN FOREVER!
RJS: Freya...escort this moron to a public bathroom.
Freya: I'll jump right to it.
(Xyra's recording studio)
Xyra: SO your N*Turk eh?
Reno: Can we get payed now?
Xyra: Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,......NO!
Tseng: So according to this contract you will own 97% of us. Sounds fair. Sign us up.
Rude: ....
Rufus: (Comes in with baggy jeans and a gold chain around his neck with Barret) What are THEY doing here?
Reno: Hey boss. We're in the music industrty too. Maybe we can play together.
Rufus: Master R does not play with boy bands! Besides I'm coming out with my newe CD tommorow.
Tseng: Cool! So is ours! Who's will sell better?
Xyra: Oh Master R's. Sorry guy's but the teenage audiance has a thirst for explicit lyrics, violence and crude sexual humor.
Rufus: C'mon Barret. Let's go.
Barret: Yeah foo. Let's watch the A-team!
Rufus: Yeah...that Mr.T is da pimp!
(RJS's house)
X-treme: (Watching T.V.) What's this?
Reporter: Now avaliable. The Rufus Shinra LP and N*Turk the album!
Kain: Rufus Shinra LP? I NEED TO JUMP OVER THERE BEFORE THE LINES GET BIGGER! (Cid Highwind comes in)
Cid: $*&(! I NEED TO FIND A COPY OF IT!
Freya: That sell it at that Jumpy Xyra's record store. I hear Locke is the attendant.
(Xyra's record store)
Locke: Get your copy of the Rufus Shinra LP! (Kuja comes in with his Elton John glasses)
Kuja: Locke my darling! I would like a copy of the Shinrashady LP and the Rufus Shinra LP, The N*Turk album, The One Winged Angels album AND a date with you...
Locke: Let's see....Ok,Ok,Ok,Ok and not in a million years fruit loops!
Kuja: I'm hurt. I thought you were Yaoi too...
Locke: I'M NOT!
Kuja: I was going to wear my best leather too...
Locke: TO MUCH INFO! NASTY!
Kuja: Can i at least have my CD's little canary?
Locke: Don't call me "Canary" Kuja! (Hands him the CD'S)
Kuja: Wow...I bought these from Locke Cole...
Locke: Get out! (Tifa and Aeris come in)
Tifa: Rufus Shinra LP now!
Aeris: Make it snappy thief!
Locke: I'm a treasure hunter!
Kuja: A sexy one too...(Everyone stares at Kuja and he lifts up his Elton John glasses) Now who want's to buy my CD? (Loos at Locke) How about you my little canary? (Locke throws him out the window)
Eiko: I want the N*Turk CD! The Rufus Shinra LP too.
Locke: I don't think the Master R CD will be good for you kid. I mean you can't take that bad language.
Eiko: Listen asshole. Want me to F*ck you up?
Locke: Okay I'm convinced. Here's your CD's little girl.
Eiko: Thanks!
Yuffie: (Steals the CD's) HA! HA! HA! (Slams into a wall)
Eiko: HA! HA! HA! (takes the CD's back)
Locke: What a day.
(Xyra's recording studio)
Rufus: Guess what? I'm going to be in a concert with the One Winged angels, N*Turk and Kuja is going to sing the chorous in "Ceciel" like Elton John did in the live version of "Stan"
Xyra: What did Kuja offer you?
Rufus: Some sort of "Reward" after the show.
Xyra: Kay....fine go and do it. I'll make millions!
(My house)
X-treme: RJS you look kinda pissy. Is it because Rufus is going in concert?
RJS: .......No.
Kain: Admit it. Jump to the truth.
RJS: Beat it.
X-treme: Well I'm going to the concert with Kain and Freya. Bye.
RJS: FINE! TRAITORS! Oooohh...20/20's on.
Announcer: Tonight on 20/20. Master R's concert!
RJS: THAT'S IT! (Pulls out Rocket launcher and jumps into Jaguar and starts driving) That concert is OVER!
(Backstage)
Kefka: Black Waltz no.3...you can stay sane for a bit right.
Black Waltz no.3: Of course....(Spaces out)I exist only to kill...I exist only to kill...
Kefka: He's fine.
Sephiroth: C'mon One winged Angels. The show starts soon)
(Highway)
RJS: Damn it! Traffic! I'll never ruin the concert in this shit! I'm the freaking author of this Fanfic!
Ramuh: RJS...
RJS: Crap it's you.
Ramuh: Listen...that concert will destroy everything somehow. You need to stop it before somthing bad happens to everyone.
RJS: What do you think I'm trying to do?
Ramuh: Oh yeah. Bye. (Dissapers)
RJS: I'll just fly there! (Steals the Highwind somehow)
Cid: %*&*(%&(*&%*& GIVE THAT BACK!
RJS: Eat me! (Fly's off)
(Concert)
Vincint: DO I have to announce the concert with Yuffie. She's annoying.
Yuffie: Well he's spooky!
Locke both of you shut up. It's starting.
Xyra: First up! The man of the hour...MASTER R! (Audiance cheers as Rufus and Kuja step up. Kuja sits down at a piano)
Kuja: Big sillies! They love that Dictator boy...Better begin. (Starts singing like Dido's chourous of Stan) I keep wonderin' why...I got out of bed at all...if I could it would all be great put your Hentai on my wall...it reminds me that I'm so bad...I'm so bad...
Rufus: (Impersonating Ceciel like Eminem did Stan) Dear Master R, I wrote to you but I guess you've just been busy...I sent two letters in autumn you must not have got them. There was probably a problem at Mognet or somthing. Sometimes I write adresses to sloppy...anyway's F*ck it...what's been up man? Your like my favorite artist...not like Queen Brahne who's just a fartist. I can't wait till you come and get here. Come swing by pad and we'll have a light beer. So next time if your in Baron swing by my hood if you could...cause your one of my favorite people...truly yours your biggist fan...Ceciel.
Kuja: I keep wonder'n why I got out of bed at all....If I could it would all be great put your Hentai on my wall...it reminds me that I'm so bad...I'm so bad.
Rufus: (Singing) Master R...I can't believe you forgot me again...this aint no way to treat a friend...I remember at Baron when my friend called you a bad singer and I called him a liar...NOW I WANNA GRAB YOUR NECK AND SET YOUR BANGS ON FIRE! Remember that song when Garnet sung to Zidane and he belived in her? That's kinda how this is. But now it's to late I'm in a car right now and I'm gonna change my job class from Dark Knight to Paladin! I love you Master R we coulda been together! I hope you dream about Golbez kicking you in the nuts...and Kuja doing you up the butt! (Screams are heard in the background) SHUT UP SLUT! Hey Master R, that's Rosa screaming in the trunk! But I didn't kill her I just tied her up...well I'm almost at Mt.Ordeals now...oh Shit I forgot! How am I supposed to beat Milon up? (The sound of a car screeching and blowing up his heard)
Kuja: I keep wonder'n why I got out of bed at all..If I could it would all be great put your Hentai on my wall...it reminds me that I'm so bad...I'm so bad. (They stop singing and Kuja hugs rufus and grabs his ass and Rufus punches him out)
Audiance: YOU SUCK! YOU PLAYED WITH KUJA! MASTER R SUCKS!
Xyra: Wait! Umm...We still have the one winged angels!
Kefka: AHHH!!!!! BLACK WALTZ NO.3 IS OUT OF CONTROL!
Black Waltz: (Setting fire to everything) I exist only to kill...I exist only to kill...
Sephiroth: Get out of here!
Xyra: NO! I'M RUINED. (I burst in)
RJS: I'LL SAVE YOU EVERYONE! (Fires a rocket at Black Waltz blowing him up and the audiance is beating up Rufus and Kuja)
Kuja: (Screams like a little girl) THE PLACE IS ON FIRE! THIS ISN'T SUPER!
Rufus: RJS...SAVE ME!
RJS: I'm coming! Xyra! X-treme let's go!
X-treme: I saved a lot of civilians and babies!
Xyra: Who cares. Just save the one's that count.
Kain: We'll lend a Jumping hand!
Locke: I got you guys!
Kuja: Locke darling you have come to save me! (Locke knocks him out)
RJS: (Grabs Rufus) C'mon everyone let's go. (Everyone get's out and the place collapses)
Xyra: My dreams.....
RJS: C'mon let's go play PS2.
Xyra: Okay.
Freya: JUMP! WAIT FOR ME!
Kain: You Jumpholes!
X-treme: What happened to Locke and Kuja?
(Ruined concert building)
Kuja: Locke darling...isn't this beautiful?
Locke: Let me out! Kuja's trying to kiss me!
Kuja: Come to papa! (Locke knocks him out)
Locke: I almost missed 20/20 AGAIN because of this jerk. (Runs away)
Kuja: I'll get you next time...next time...(A plank of wood falls on him)
THE END
Yeah I know the story was lame.