The air even seemed fresher. Walking out of the interrogation room, Philip felt like a man released after years of imprisonment. He knew it was just in his mind. After all, he was in an air-tight building. The outer room shared the same air as the inner, but it still felt wonderful to walk out of that horrible room. His headache was already beginning to clear.
He stopped in his tracks. He had expected to find his Mother and Lee standing in the room. Instead, she stood there waiting for him. She held herself stiff, in an effort to control her emotions, he knew. He could see the red in her eyes. Anyone else looking at her would think she was tired, but he wasn't just anybody. He was the man that loved her.
He opened his arms and she flew into them. He hugged her tight, wondering why she was trying to be so controlled. Surely, even these people understood grief. She had lost her father today. "I'm so sorry," he kept whispering over and over again in her hair. She just squeezed him tighter, refusing to cry.
After a few minutes, she pulled away from him and gave him a small smile. She wanted him to know that she would be all right. "I'm surprised that they brought you in here. They seemed to enjoy their secrecy." It was then that Philip noticed the look on her face. He sighed. "You are one, too, aren't you?"
Sarah nodded, somehow managing to look both defiant and ashamed. "Yeah, I'm one, too."
Looking over his shoulder at the door, Philip asked, "Are my grandmother and Jamie about to come through that door? Everyone else I care about is a spy, why not them, too?" He knew that his tone wasn't the best in the world, but it had been a long day.
Sarah just softly laughed. "As far as we know, neither your grandmother nor Jamie are intelligence operatives."
Philip leaned against the wall. "As far as you know?"
"Well, your mother didn't know you were an operative, and you didn't know that she was an operative. We live in a shadowed world, Philip. Best friends can both be agents without the other knowing it." She rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Philip. Knowing is usually on a need-to-know basis only."
He lifted her chin so that she would look into his eyes. "Last night, Sarah, you accepted my proposal of marriage. When is that I would 'need-to-know'?"
Softly caressing his cheek, she tried to soothe him. "People have retired from this business without their spouse ever knowing what they really did. They never tell their families the truth." He winced. "Philip, hiding from you, hurt Amanda far more than it did you."
He felt the anger he had suppressed suddenly flare. "Hurt *her* more? Sarah, I feel like my entire life was a lie!" It felt good to let the anger out, to let someone know what he was feeling. For the last few hours, it had been about facts. The twin mannequins had been uninterested in his feelings.
Sarah just gave him that look. It was a mixture of amusement and exasperation, and he had earned it several times since they had met. "What was a lie about *your* life? You didn't rush home to tell you mother and Lee that you were carrying sensitive documents for your government."
Trying to gather his thoughts, Philip turned away from his fiancé. He leaned his forehead against the cool wall and struggled to explain what he was feeling. "I can. . .I can understand that she never told us, but. . ." He turned to look at Sarah, pleading silently that she comprehend what he was trying to say. "My mother---After Mom got a job with IFF, she changed a lot. She went from the mother that was at every game to the mother that may make it to part of one game a season. I tried not to get angry, but sometimes it was hard. I wondered why a film company meant more than I did. Now, I know what she was really doing, and I'm angry at me for not understanding, and I'm angry at her for--"
Laughing, Sarah walked over to him. She cupped her face in his hands and smiled at him. "I know. I really do, Philip. I felt the same when I found out about Ham. So much I didn't understand was suddenly so clear. It's hard to be upset for her missing your senior play when you know that she was stopping the theft of a nuclear warhead!"
"Mom stopped the theft of a nuclear warhead the night of my senior play?" Philip made a half-laughing, half-sobbing sound.
"It wasn't the first time she had done it," Sarah's voice told him, gently teasing him. She always seemed to know just what he needed. "You should get her to tell you about the time that she stopped one from exploding with one of your 'Go Bombers!' pins."
Suddenly, they both were laughing hysterically. Philip hugged her close and gave thanks that she was the same person--his best friend. He prayed that Lee and his mom would still be the same people to him. He knew his fear was irrational, but he worried that he would never be able to look at them the same again.
His mother was having similar thoughts. Amanda stood in her husband's office waiting for her son to be escorted in from the interrogation room. She had stood outside that two-mirror for most of the session, her fist clinched in agony. She was a mother and that meant she was a protective instinct towards her sons. Even though she knew Bill and Zach were only doing their job--and were actually being extremely easy on Philip--she had wanted to race inside that room and yell at them to leave her son alone!
"I should of known." It was the first personal thing that she had said since they had gotten the call during lunch. She rubbed her forehead trying to ease the pressure that was throbbing behind her eyes, and wondered what kind of mother wouldn't know something so important about her son. She allowed herself a moment to question how the knowledge might change her relationship with Philip.
Lee's arms surrounded her, and Amanda felt herself melting into his embrace. Even in his office, they seldom allowed for many overt physical touches, but her wonderful husband understood how much she needed a hug right now.
"He didn't know about you." Lee's calm voice also worked to soothe her fragile nerves.
Amanda turned and looked up to the man that she had been in love with for over a decade. "It's not the same! I'm his mother!"
Lee nodded. "And Dottie's yours." Amanda pulled back in surprise. She had forgotten about her mother. Lee grinned at her as he spoke. "Dottie even lived in the same house when you became a 'spy'. You even told her the truth at least once, and she managed to get involved in a couple of cases, and then there was that whole Stemwinder thing--"
Amanda giggled. "I get the point! I get the point!" Looking back out the window, she leaned against Lee's chest. "I still feel like I should have known."
Pulling her closer, Lee just laughed. "Amanda, since those boys turned teenagers, they have done things you have no idea about and probably don't want to know."
Smiling, Amanda nodded. "When they were little boys, Lee, I always knew when something wasn't right. Now, my son not only becomes a spy without me knowing it, he's probably engaged without me knowing it!"
"What?" Lee turned her around. "Engaged? To who?"
It's not often she has the chance to surprise Lee anymore, but she knows what she is about to tell is going to knock him off his feet. "Sarah."
"Sarah," Lee said flatly, not believing his ears. "Sarah? Your Sarah?"
Nodding, Amanda walked over and sank into one of the chairs sitting in front of Lee's desk. "Our Sarah--the Lioness." Whistling, Lee sat down on the corner of the desk. Amanda rubbed her eyes and sighed. "You're right. There are somethings that a mother doesn't know and doesn't want to know! Lee, she told me *all* about *her* Philip, things she would have *never* said if she had known that I was his mother!"
"She told you that she was dating a Philip King and you never made the connection?"
Amanda looked into Lee's amused eyes and tried to find some answering amusement in herself. "She never told me his last name! I didn't even know that her father was a college professor. She just talked on and on about him. I was happy for her! She really started loosing up the last few months, and then last night before she left, she told me that she thought her Philip might propose. I'm not sure if he did or not, but Sarah has great instincts you know and I thought something was up with Philip last night when I called--he was very abrupt--"
"Amanda, you are babbling." Lee's gentle teasing helped bring her back to focus. Her son was going to be in this room soon and she was going to be strong for him. No babbling about foolish thoughts and fears, she told herself.
The gentle knock on the door startled them both. One reason it took them by surprise was, even after all these years, they could still get totally wrapped up in each other. The other reason was because they recognized Philip's knock, and they weren't use to hearing it at the Agency. Squeezing Amanda's hand, Lee called for his stepson to enter.
Several hours later, an exhausted Philip King looked up from a stack of photos. "I'm sorry, Lee. He's just not in here."
"It's okay. Something you learn about terrorists in this business is that they are like insects. They a 'breed' like crazy. Our most up-to-date files are horrible outdated when it comes to terrorists," Lee said, struggling to comfort Philip. They were close, especially considering Lee's role in Philip's life. He considered Philip a great friend, and believed Philip felt the same way. Unfortunately, today's events loomed between them. Both men were treading softly around each other.
Leaning back in the plush sofa, Philip sighed in despair. "I just wanted. . ."
"To catch your friend's killer? To catch your fiancé's father's murder?" Philip looked at him in surprise. Lee sat down in the chair across from him. "I assume you did ask? Sarah has remarkable instincts and she told your Mom yesterday that she thought *her* Philip was going to ask her marry him."
Philip was silent for a moment. "I went to Professor Hamilton's house to. . .I thought it was really neat when you asked us for permission to marry our Mom. Real old fashion, but cool. I wanted to ask him for his daughter's hand in marriage. I knew he would be so excited." His voice broke, but he held back the tears. "I-I never imagined, never dreamed--how could somebody do that him? I mean to kill someone seems so--but they tortured him, Lee!"
"I know." Lee watched Philip. The numbness was starting to wear off and the horror of what he had seen was beginning to sink in for him. He and Amanda had expected it. His reactions so far had been textbook.
Placing his elbows on his knees, Philip covered his eyes with his hands. "I just stood there. Lee, I just stood there. I--One of my best friends was laying in a pool of blood, and I just stood there. It felt like hours. I-I know that it couldn't have been, but--He's dead, Lee. He's dead. When his killer walked out of the library, I just ran!"
Moving to sit beside him, Lee draped a comforting arm around Philip's shoulders and let him cry. As much as he wanted to give words of comfort, he knew that his stepson just needed an open ear and a shoulder on which to cry.
Looking around the bustling restaurant, Sarah fidgeted in her seat. "I'm sorry, Amanda, but I'm not really hungry."
Amanda smiled at her. Picking up the menu, she said, "I'm not, either, but I'm eating and so are you. You know that you'll need your strength."
"Will you order for me? I don't think I could even chose." Sarah noticed how weak her voice sounded, and gave herself a stern order to shape up quickly. She never let anyone see her weakness! She was the Lioness, and she knew better than anyone what that codename entitled.
Watching her partner order them both Greek salads, she thought how untrue her thoughts were. She was falling into her old pattern. The cold woman that had started working with Amanda three years ago wouldn't have let anyone see her weaknesses. She had resented it when Lee had assigned her to the vivacious Amanda. Her warm smile and good cheer grated on Sarah's nerves. It was hard to take someone so happy seriously in their business. One case later though, Sarah knew what an excellent agent Amanda was and had gladly accepted her as a mentor. It had taken Amanda a little longer to get past Sarah's barriers and earn her emotional trust, too.
Sarah felt hurt as she looked at the woman she considered her best friend. Amanda Stetson was the person who taught her to enjoy her emotions again instead of seeing them as weaknesses. Before Philip, she had been the only person in the world that Sarah totally opened herself up to, and now Sarah knew that she also had Amanda to thank for the wonderful man with whom she had fallen in love. That's why the barely noticeable reaction earlier had hurt so badly. It had been small, but Sarah had noticed it. She knew her partner well, and had read her thoughts as they flowed across her expressive face.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to ask the question that had plagued her all the way to this restaurant. "Amanda, why aren't you happy that Philip and I are engaged?"