Disclaimer and such in first two parts. Co-written with a good friend Dee LdySita1@aol.com, we
hope you enjoy it!
UFOs, Little Grey Men and a Labyrinth
Written by Jade and Dee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* * *
Mulder walked along the stone path, his eyes watching carefully for any sudden movements. Only
the sound of his steps kept the silence at bay as he followed the chosen path. Looking ahead, he
saw a streak of color as someone or something ran past the crossing. Picking up his pace, he
rounded the corner just in time to be bopped on the head with a plastic lightsaber.
"Oops, mesa sawwy," the girl grinned. Her dark hair fell around her face as she looked at him.
"That's okay," he replied, rubbing the wacked spot. "Who are you? Another listian?" he inquired.
"Yep, mesa Ziggy. Mesa Jedi," she answered, her grin stillin place.
"Interesting language you have there Ziggy," Mulder stated,studying her curiously.
"Yousa, strange man," she replied, holding her saber in front of her.
"You think I'm strange? You're the one talking like some creature from another world," he
mused.
"Watch it buddy. I am a Jedi, like my Master before me," she stated seriously.
"Let me guess, the force right?" he asked, remembering his encounter with Essy.
"Yes, but I warn you not to underestimate my power," she warned.
"Sure, then I suppose I should be wary of the Easter Bunny as well," he replied.
Ziggy raised her saber and whacked him on the head again.
"Ow, what the hell was that for?" he asked, rubbing his temple.
"Just so you don't forget," she replied, then took off running in the opposite direction. "May the
Force be with you!" she called back to him before disappearing around the corner.
"This place is nuts!" Mulder exclaimed.
Looking in all directions, wondering who or what he would encounter next, Mulder started
walking again, hoping he was headed the right direction. It seemed as though he had been
walking for days instead of mere minutes. Coming to a quick halt, Mulder let his eyes take in
what he saw before him. A large body of water stood between him and the way to continue.
Shaking his head, he couldn't believe the day he was having. Threatened by a Sith Lord, drooled
over then ordered around, last but not least, hit in the head not once, but twice by another
labyrinthine frootloop. Where would it end?
Standing at the edge, he looked over the water trying to find some way across it. A noise from
behind him caused him to spin around quickly. Not seeing anyone right away, he prepared himself
for another wacky listian.
"Watch out!" a voice rang out just before a woman came flying at Mulder. Making contact with
the unsuspecting visitor, Dee grinned as he fell backwards with a splash. Slowly getting to her
feet, she rung out her wet clothes and wiped the water from her face. "Sorry," she grinned,
extending her hand to him.
Mulder grasped her hand and stood up, the water dripping from his form causing Dee to lick her
lips. Smiling faintly, Mulder loosened his tie and pulled it from around his neck. Tossing it into
the water, he shook his head. "There goes another one," he said, looking back to Dee.
"Oh boy!" she exclaimed, a wicked grin crossing her features.
"What?" he asked, slightly confused.
Dee took a step closer, her grin widening. "Oh honey," she started, walking her fingers up his wet
chest, "wait until the Court finds you."
"The Court?" he asked, watching her fingers pull his top button completely off. "Hey!" he
remarked, taking a step away from her.
"Sorry," Dee replied, then wrapped her arms around herself. "Sure is chilly, isn't it?" she asked,
rubbing her arms.
"Here," Mulder removed his blazer and draped it around her shoulders. "It might be wet, but at
least it's something," he added, looking up to see two more women nearing them. "Who are
they?"
Dee looked up and her grin subsided. "Oh, that's the Smut Queen and Pervert Princess. Don't
piss them off," Dee warned. "I'll be seein' you," she said, walking toward the advancing pair.
"Yo wench!" she called, getting Princess' attention. "Careful with that one girls, he's wicked
hot!" she growled, walking away.
"Well now, lookie here," Lisa the Smut Queen said, her eyes taking in the stranger. "Well I'll be a
monkey's uncle, why you so wet boy?" she asked.
"You can't be a monkey's uncle, maybe it's aunt," Lisa the Pervert Princess retorted.
"Shuddup," SQ replied, then turned her smile back to Mulder.
"Oh, it was an accident," Mulder answered, not sure what to make of the two. "Can you two
lovely ladies help me through this little maze and to that castle?" he asked.
"Sure we can!" Princess exclaimed, smiling brightly at him.
"What a hoot!" SQ retorted. "What's in it for us, babycakes?" she asked.
"What did you have in mind," he asked, weary of what he was getting into.
Looking him up and down she grinned. "Your shirt," she replied.
"But it's wet," he replied watching them closely. Dee did warn him not to tick them off.
"I don't care, gimme the shirt or wander around the Labyrinth. End of discussion," SQ retorted,
crossing her arms and tossing her burgundy hair.
"Give," Princess held out her hand, wiggling her fingers back at him.
Mulder unbuttoned his shirt, and slipped it off his shoulder. He heard them sigh and wondered if
they were the attacking kind. Handing it to Princess, he looked back to the Queen. "So, you
have my shirt, what now?" he asked.
"Shoosh. Don't speak unless spoken to deary," SQ declared, slapping her palm against his cheek
softly. "Don't worry, once you're at the city, it's easy as pie."
"Yeah," Princess added, sidling up to him. "So, what brings you to this side of the Labyrinth?"
she asked.
"Long story," he replied. The Lisa's exchanged a glance right before Mulder jumped forward out
of shock. "Ow! Why the hell did you do that?" he asked, rubbing his backside.
"Because we can," Princess grinned evilly.
"Down Princess," SQ ordered. "Come on hon, the city's not far," SQ stated, walking on ahead
with Princess following close behind.
Mulder followed them around the corner to see a small city filled with women. Looking closer,
he noted they were some of the ones he's already run into. Not sure if he could handle their
craziness again, he didn't have achoice as SQ and Princess walked away leaving him standing in
the street alone.
Taking in his surroundings, Mulder noted many structures that resembled domiciles, but wasn't so
sure of their stability. The streets were peopled by the inhabitants which happened to be women.
With a small grin, he eyed some of them appreciatively but his agenda remained the same. He
would have to get to that castle before his time run out. But that was hours yet.
"Hey sexy," a girl with long blonde hair drawled out, her British accent filling the air around him.
"Stop by sometime, and ask for Spidey." Winking, she adjusted her black bodice and slinked
down an ally way, grumbling about men in various states of undress.
"Strange," Mulder mused, crossing his arms over his undershirt and looking around the strange
mass of buildings. "I doubt I could get away with filing this report to Skinner."
"Who's Skinner?" a woman with auburn brown hair asked, looking at his confused expression
with a soft smile.
"The A.D..." he trailed off as he looked around one more time. "Say, I don't suppose you have
someplace where I can sit without being accosted by the charming occupants of this city?"
Laughing slightly, she pointed to the only building that looked solid. "Sure, come in for a minute.
Aside from a latent Star Wars obsession, I'm the only sane one here." Turning to lead the way, she
grinned. "I'm Jade."
"Special Agent Fox Mulder, call me Mulder." he said, following her toward the building. It's
structure was quite different than most he noted, as she pulled the door open. Following her into
the apartments living room, he collapsed onto the couch. "This is heaven," he stated simply,
watching her sit in a nearby chair.
"Shouldn't you be making your way toward the castle? I mean you only have so much time," Jade
said, watching the exhausted agent with a slight smile. "I'm amazed you even got this far."
"Really? Why is that?" he asked.
Jade smiled. "Well look at the way you're dressed for one thing. A suit isn't suitable attire for the
Labyrinth," she stated, watching him as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Modesty does you
no good in this place," she mused.
Mulder smiled, "And why is that?" he asked.
"Because it's inhabited by the Smut Court. They thrive on thinking dirty thoughts all day long,"
she replied, brushing her hair behind her ear. Mulder's senses seemed to fail him, as he sat there
enchanted with everything about this place. It had been a long while since he was able to just kick
back and relax, and now he wasn't so sure he should linger here much longer. He was certain that
his thoughts right now would have made her kick him out a long time ago.
Pushing the notion from his mind, he turned his attention to the window. "Does that Jareth
character do this often? Take women I mean." he asked, his recent thoughts plaguing his eager
mind. He looked back at her and sat up when he saw her nod, trying to regain his composure
with a soft smile and subtle humor. "And I thought I was desperate."
"Desperation comes in many ways. Doesn't make it any easier. Would you like some tea or
something?" she asked, noticing his glances. "Anything at all, this place is pretty nutty if you're
not use to it."
Mulder chuckled. "I've seen my share of nut-bars. After this case I will jump at the next UFO
sighting."
"Oh yes, chasing those little grey men," she mused.
"You agree that they are grey instead of green? A woman after my own heart," he shot back
playfully, thankful that there was someone else out there that felt the same way.
Jade got to her feet and walked by him on her way to the kitchen unit. Pulling open the
refrigerator, she peered in to find something suitable to offer a G-Man. Pulling a can of soda from
the shelf, she closed the door and was startled by him standing behind her, leaning against the
door frame.
"Thirsty?" she asked, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a glass.
"Not really," he replied, stepping closer.
"Oh?" she asked, feeling a rush of adrenaline. The space was beginning to deteriorate.
"Nope," he smiled, leaning in closer and placing his arm onthe side of the fridge. His lips, merely
a fraction of an inch away from hers, a knock at the door startled them both, stealing the moment.
Jade ducked below his arm and walked to the living room once again. Maybe this wasn't such a
good idea. Glancing over her shoulder, there he was, walking up behind her with a grin. Pulling
the door open, Gemma stood on the other side with Kara.
"Hey Jade, what's up?" Kara asked, then noticed thevisitor.
Gemma giggled. "More like who?" she snickered.
"It's not like that Gemma," Jade shot back. "He was just on his way out."
Walking to the door, he looked at Jade and grinned. "Thanks for the interlude of sanity."
"I do what I can. Be weary of the Lisa's and Dee, though..." Jade trailed off as she looked out her
window.
"Trust me, my current state of undress is not of my own choice but thanks for the warning," he
replied. With one last soft laugh he walked back out into the madness. "Two hours to go, I might
as well get some dirt on the Goblin Queen."
"Hey! Suit!" Waving her arms wildly, Dee flew at the agent with a devious look on her face.
"Oh no, I've had enough practice for my Vegas show for one day. I am leaving the rest of these
clothes on, if you don't mind," Mulder cocked an eyebrow as he looked at the gasping girl.
"No, I just wanted to apologize for ramming into you like that. I'm just not at my most graceful
these days." Winking, she smoothed his suit jacket over her black spy suit. "You're not getting
the jacket back though, I like it too much. You might want this, though."
Handing him a slip that was an overdue charge from "D.C.'s finest in Adult Videos", she gave him
a small kiss on the cheek and a pinch on the rear. "I hope you return that soon, Sex Kitten 4 is a
much better movie than Debby does Denver."
As she passed a thin girl with glasses and a short haircut, she turned back to him and waved.
"Don't hit on Fairy, she did horrid things to the last agent who came this way! BYE!"
"Baka!" Fairy stuck out her tongue at Dee with a grin, and skipped past Mulder with a small
wave. "Nice to see you, heard all about you from the hormone gallery over there. I have to go
find that blasted Chem homework." Shouting, "Eternal Curse!" She kept walking leaving him
standing alone in the street.
"Mulder," a voice cut through the silence, making him turn to acknowledge them. Kara stood
there with her arms folded in front of her, staring back at him with cool grey-blue eyes.
"Kara," he acknowledged.
"You haven't forgotten your purpose here, have you? she asked.
"No, of course not. Why do you ask?" he asked curiously.
"Well," she began, looking back to the door she came out of. "this isn't where you belong." she
stated bluntly.
"I know that," he conceded. "Scully will be pissed when I finally get her out of this mess I
created."
"I can imagine," Kara replied, looking across the way. "You're best bet would be to get it over
with," she added as everyone gathered near the castle's door.
Mulder looked to the castle. Inside lay his quest, and his partner's well being was now at hand.
He got her into this mess, he was determined to get her out. He wondered how she faired
through this ordeal. He was certain that she coped well. She always does. Through all their
cases, no matter what they came up against, she was his brick. The logic amidst the unbelievable.
She was the only stable thing he had in his life, and he wasn't about to give her up without a fight.
hope you enjoy it!
UFOs, Little Grey Men and a Labyrinth
Written by Jade and Dee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* * *
Mulder walked along the stone path, his eyes watching carefully for any sudden movements. Only
the sound of his steps kept the silence at bay as he followed the chosen path. Looking ahead, he
saw a streak of color as someone or something ran past the crossing. Picking up his pace, he
rounded the corner just in time to be bopped on the head with a plastic lightsaber.
"Oops, mesa sawwy," the girl grinned. Her dark hair fell around her face as she looked at him.
"That's okay," he replied, rubbing the wacked spot. "Who are you? Another listian?" he inquired.
"Yep, mesa Ziggy. Mesa Jedi," she answered, her grin stillin place.
"Interesting language you have there Ziggy," Mulder stated,studying her curiously.
"Yousa, strange man," she replied, holding her saber in front of her.
"You think I'm strange? You're the one talking like some creature from another world," he
mused.
"Watch it buddy. I am a Jedi, like my Master before me," she stated seriously.
"Let me guess, the force right?" he asked, remembering his encounter with Essy.
"Yes, but I warn you not to underestimate my power," she warned.
"Sure, then I suppose I should be wary of the Easter Bunny as well," he replied.
Ziggy raised her saber and whacked him on the head again.
"Ow, what the hell was that for?" he asked, rubbing his temple.
"Just so you don't forget," she replied, then took off running in the opposite direction. "May the
Force be with you!" she called back to him before disappearing around the corner.
"This place is nuts!" Mulder exclaimed.
Looking in all directions, wondering who or what he would encounter next, Mulder started
walking again, hoping he was headed the right direction. It seemed as though he had been
walking for days instead of mere minutes. Coming to a quick halt, Mulder let his eyes take in
what he saw before him. A large body of water stood between him and the way to continue.
Shaking his head, he couldn't believe the day he was having. Threatened by a Sith Lord, drooled
over then ordered around, last but not least, hit in the head not once, but twice by another
labyrinthine frootloop. Where would it end?
Standing at the edge, he looked over the water trying to find some way across it. A noise from
behind him caused him to spin around quickly. Not seeing anyone right away, he prepared himself
for another wacky listian.
"Watch out!" a voice rang out just before a woman came flying at Mulder. Making contact with
the unsuspecting visitor, Dee grinned as he fell backwards with a splash. Slowly getting to her
feet, she rung out her wet clothes and wiped the water from her face. "Sorry," she grinned,
extending her hand to him.
Mulder grasped her hand and stood up, the water dripping from his form causing Dee to lick her
lips. Smiling faintly, Mulder loosened his tie and pulled it from around his neck. Tossing it into
the water, he shook his head. "There goes another one," he said, looking back to Dee.
"Oh boy!" she exclaimed, a wicked grin crossing her features.
"What?" he asked, slightly confused.
Dee took a step closer, her grin widening. "Oh honey," she started, walking her fingers up his wet
chest, "wait until the Court finds you."
"The Court?" he asked, watching her fingers pull his top button completely off. "Hey!" he
remarked, taking a step away from her.
"Sorry," Dee replied, then wrapped her arms around herself. "Sure is chilly, isn't it?" she asked,
rubbing her arms.
"Here," Mulder removed his blazer and draped it around her shoulders. "It might be wet, but at
least it's something," he added, looking up to see two more women nearing them. "Who are
they?"
Dee looked up and her grin subsided. "Oh, that's the Smut Queen and Pervert Princess. Don't
piss them off," Dee warned. "I'll be seein' you," she said, walking toward the advancing pair.
"Yo wench!" she called, getting Princess' attention. "Careful with that one girls, he's wicked
hot!" she growled, walking away.
"Well now, lookie here," Lisa the Smut Queen said, her eyes taking in the stranger. "Well I'll be a
monkey's uncle, why you so wet boy?" she asked.
"You can't be a monkey's uncle, maybe it's aunt," Lisa the Pervert Princess retorted.
"Shuddup," SQ replied, then turned her smile back to Mulder.
"Oh, it was an accident," Mulder answered, not sure what to make of the two. "Can you two
lovely ladies help me through this little maze and to that castle?" he asked.
"Sure we can!" Princess exclaimed, smiling brightly at him.
"What a hoot!" SQ retorted. "What's in it for us, babycakes?" she asked.
"What did you have in mind," he asked, weary of what he was getting into.
Looking him up and down she grinned. "Your shirt," she replied.
"But it's wet," he replied watching them closely. Dee did warn him not to tick them off.
"I don't care, gimme the shirt or wander around the Labyrinth. End of discussion," SQ retorted,
crossing her arms and tossing her burgundy hair.
"Give," Princess held out her hand, wiggling her fingers back at him.
Mulder unbuttoned his shirt, and slipped it off his shoulder. He heard them sigh and wondered if
they were the attacking kind. Handing it to Princess, he looked back to the Queen. "So, you
have my shirt, what now?" he asked.
"Shoosh. Don't speak unless spoken to deary," SQ declared, slapping her palm against his cheek
softly. "Don't worry, once you're at the city, it's easy as pie."
"Yeah," Princess added, sidling up to him. "So, what brings you to this side of the Labyrinth?"
she asked.
"Long story," he replied. The Lisa's exchanged a glance right before Mulder jumped forward out
of shock. "Ow! Why the hell did you do that?" he asked, rubbing his backside.
"Because we can," Princess grinned evilly.
"Down Princess," SQ ordered. "Come on hon, the city's not far," SQ stated, walking on ahead
with Princess following close behind.
Mulder followed them around the corner to see a small city filled with women. Looking closer,
he noted they were some of the ones he's already run into. Not sure if he could handle their
craziness again, he didn't have achoice as SQ and Princess walked away leaving him standing in
the street alone.
Taking in his surroundings, Mulder noted many structures that resembled domiciles, but wasn't so
sure of their stability. The streets were peopled by the inhabitants which happened to be women.
With a small grin, he eyed some of them appreciatively but his agenda remained the same. He
would have to get to that castle before his time run out. But that was hours yet.
"Hey sexy," a girl with long blonde hair drawled out, her British accent filling the air around him.
"Stop by sometime, and ask for Spidey." Winking, she adjusted her black bodice and slinked
down an ally way, grumbling about men in various states of undress.
"Strange," Mulder mused, crossing his arms over his undershirt and looking around the strange
mass of buildings. "I doubt I could get away with filing this report to Skinner."
"Who's Skinner?" a woman with auburn brown hair asked, looking at his confused expression
with a soft smile.
"The A.D..." he trailed off as he looked around one more time. "Say, I don't suppose you have
someplace where I can sit without being accosted by the charming occupants of this city?"
Laughing slightly, she pointed to the only building that looked solid. "Sure, come in for a minute.
Aside from a latent Star Wars obsession, I'm the only sane one here." Turning to lead the way, she
grinned. "I'm Jade."
"Special Agent Fox Mulder, call me Mulder." he said, following her toward the building. It's
structure was quite different than most he noted, as she pulled the door open. Following her into
the apartments living room, he collapsed onto the couch. "This is heaven," he stated simply,
watching her sit in a nearby chair.
"Shouldn't you be making your way toward the castle? I mean you only have so much time," Jade
said, watching the exhausted agent with a slight smile. "I'm amazed you even got this far."
"Really? Why is that?" he asked.
Jade smiled. "Well look at the way you're dressed for one thing. A suit isn't suitable attire for the
Labyrinth," she stated, watching him as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Modesty does you
no good in this place," she mused.
Mulder smiled, "And why is that?" he asked.
"Because it's inhabited by the Smut Court. They thrive on thinking dirty thoughts all day long,"
she replied, brushing her hair behind her ear. Mulder's senses seemed to fail him, as he sat there
enchanted with everything about this place. It had been a long while since he was able to just kick
back and relax, and now he wasn't so sure he should linger here much longer. He was certain that
his thoughts right now would have made her kick him out a long time ago.
Pushing the notion from his mind, he turned his attention to the window. "Does that Jareth
character do this often? Take women I mean." he asked, his recent thoughts plaguing his eager
mind. He looked back at her and sat up when he saw her nod, trying to regain his composure
with a soft smile and subtle humor. "And I thought I was desperate."
"Desperation comes in many ways. Doesn't make it any easier. Would you like some tea or
something?" she asked, noticing his glances. "Anything at all, this place is pretty nutty if you're
not use to it."
Mulder chuckled. "I've seen my share of nut-bars. After this case I will jump at the next UFO
sighting."
"Oh yes, chasing those little grey men," she mused.
"You agree that they are grey instead of green? A woman after my own heart," he shot back
playfully, thankful that there was someone else out there that felt the same way.
Jade got to her feet and walked by him on her way to the kitchen unit. Pulling open the
refrigerator, she peered in to find something suitable to offer a G-Man. Pulling a can of soda from
the shelf, she closed the door and was startled by him standing behind her, leaning against the
door frame.
"Thirsty?" she asked, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out a glass.
"Not really," he replied, stepping closer.
"Oh?" she asked, feeling a rush of adrenaline. The space was beginning to deteriorate.
"Nope," he smiled, leaning in closer and placing his arm onthe side of the fridge. His lips, merely
a fraction of an inch away from hers, a knock at the door startled them both, stealing the moment.
Jade ducked below his arm and walked to the living room once again. Maybe this wasn't such a
good idea. Glancing over her shoulder, there he was, walking up behind her with a grin. Pulling
the door open, Gemma stood on the other side with Kara.
"Hey Jade, what's up?" Kara asked, then noticed thevisitor.
Gemma giggled. "More like who?" she snickered.
"It's not like that Gemma," Jade shot back. "He was just on his way out."
Walking to the door, he looked at Jade and grinned. "Thanks for the interlude of sanity."
"I do what I can. Be weary of the Lisa's and Dee, though..." Jade trailed off as she looked out her
window.
"Trust me, my current state of undress is not of my own choice but thanks for the warning," he
replied. With one last soft laugh he walked back out into the madness. "Two hours to go, I might
as well get some dirt on the Goblin Queen."
"Hey! Suit!" Waving her arms wildly, Dee flew at the agent with a devious look on her face.
"Oh no, I've had enough practice for my Vegas show for one day. I am leaving the rest of these
clothes on, if you don't mind," Mulder cocked an eyebrow as he looked at the gasping girl.
"No, I just wanted to apologize for ramming into you like that. I'm just not at my most graceful
these days." Winking, she smoothed his suit jacket over her black spy suit. "You're not getting
the jacket back though, I like it too much. You might want this, though."
Handing him a slip that was an overdue charge from "D.C.'s finest in Adult Videos", she gave him
a small kiss on the cheek and a pinch on the rear. "I hope you return that soon, Sex Kitten 4 is a
much better movie than Debby does Denver."
As she passed a thin girl with glasses and a short haircut, she turned back to him and waved.
"Don't hit on Fairy, she did horrid things to the last agent who came this way! BYE!"
"Baka!" Fairy stuck out her tongue at Dee with a grin, and skipped past Mulder with a small
wave. "Nice to see you, heard all about you from the hormone gallery over there. I have to go
find that blasted Chem homework." Shouting, "Eternal Curse!" She kept walking leaving him
standing alone in the street.
"Mulder," a voice cut through the silence, making him turn to acknowledge them. Kara stood
there with her arms folded in front of her, staring back at him with cool grey-blue eyes.
"Kara," he acknowledged.
"You haven't forgotten your purpose here, have you? she asked.
"No, of course not. Why do you ask?" he asked curiously.
"Well," she began, looking back to the door she came out of. "this isn't where you belong." she
stated bluntly.
"I know that," he conceded. "Scully will be pissed when I finally get her out of this mess I
created."
"I can imagine," Kara replied, looking across the way. "You're best bet would be to get it over
with," she added as everyone gathered near the castle's door.
Mulder looked to the castle. Inside lay his quest, and his partner's well being was now at hand.
He got her into this mess, he was determined to get her out. He wondered how she faired
through this ordeal. He was certain that she coped well. She always does. Through all their
cases, no matter what they came up against, she was his brick. The logic amidst the unbelievable.
She was the only stable thing he had in his life, and he wasn't about to give her up without a fight.