Chapter 3 - Tomorrow holds such better days
Lauren returned to Scott's room every day that week, although she never spoke to him. Everyday she would race to the hospital as soon as school was out, dodging Harry, Marylin and the rest of her friends. She would sit outside his room, trying to make sense of her feelings for him and for Harry. She would sit there for hours, until exhaustion and the nurses drove her to go home and get a few hours of sleep before doing the whole routine over again.
Harry was understandably upset by this routine. He hardly ever got to see her. At first, he didn't even know where she went for so long every night. He and Marylin tried to corner her before she left two days after Scott's suicide attempt. She'd managed to rush away without having to answer their questions. She knew that they'd ask where she was going and why, and the truth was that she didn't even know why.
He finally managed to corner her the day after that. When she told him that she was going to see Scott, he'd asked her "Why? It's only Guber, and he's gonna be fine."
Why indeed? She thought back to what she'd told him that first day - that she loved him. Part of her rejected that idea. After all, she was with Harry. And she'd felt panic and fear when he'd asked her out the first time. So, if she did in fact love him, what had changed?
Sometimes she would see Stephen coming to see how Scott was. Most days she managed to keep him from seeing her; she didn't want Scott to know how much she was obsessing about him. If she decided that she didn't really love him, that would hurt him too much.
One night, though, she fell asleep in one of the chairs at the hospital, and Stephen saw her. He told Scott that she was there. Scott of course wanted to see her, but she'd woken up by now and had fled the hospital. Her emotions were still in turmoil. She wasn't ready to see him yet. She ran down the stairs and into her car. She sat there, thinking and worrying about what she was going to do, until finally she fell asleep.
The next morning, she was awoken when one of the nurses noticed her still asleep in the parking lot in her car.
"Miss! Miss!" she yelled at Lauren. Lauren woke up groggily.
"Huh - what," Lauren uttered.
"It's morning. Shouldn't you be at work or something?"
"Oh my god!" Lauren exlaimed, and then raced off to Winslow. There was no time to go home and change. When she got there, it was already after 9. She ran into Stephen in her hurry to get to her class.
"Whoa, whoa, Lauren, slow down," he said.
"I can't Stephen. I have to get to my class - " she began.
He shook his head and held up a hand to stop her. "I've already got a substitute in there." He peered at her. "You look terrible. Just go home and get some sleep."
"Thanks Stephen, but I really need to teach."
"You can't teach when you're this exhausted, and you know it. Now go home. I'm giving you the day off."
So Lauren went home and collapsed into bed. And when she woke up, she was refreshed with a new sense of purpose.
She took a shower and got dressed, and then she headed back to Winslow. She walked down to the dungeon and pulled Harry aside. She hated doing this to him this way, but it couldn't be helped.
"Harry - I want to break up," she blurted out, after several moments of silence.
An awkward pause followed. "Harry, did you hear me?"
"Yeah Lauren, I heard you. Who - who is it?"
"Who's what?"
"Who's the guy you're dumping me for?"
"Harry! I'm not dumping you for anyone. It's just that I don't think our relationship is working. We don't talk or share anything. And I'm at that point in my life when I want more than just sex in a relationship."
There was a long pause. Harry looked stunned. "You'd better get back to class Harry," she said gently. She hated doing this to him, but it was for the best.
"Yeah, okay," he mumbled, and then he shuffled back inside.
Lauren then drove quickly over to the hospital. She rode the elevator up to Scott's room, rehearsing what she was going to say in her head. In the past several days she'd been coming there, the psychiatric ward had ceased to intimidate her. She walked purposefully to his room.
When she entered, she saw that he was already up.
"Lauren," he said, his voice full of happiness.
"Hi Scott. Um, we need to talk."
"All right. Have a seat," he motioned for her to sit, as if they were back in his office. Even in the psychiatric ward of the hospital he still acted as if he were in charge.
"I've been thinking about what I said to you the other night. About how I loved you." She took a deep breath and tried another tactic. "This whole thing, you trying to kill yourself, has really shaken me. And for the longest time, I've been trying to understand that. I've been uncertain as to who I love - you or Harry."
"Oh, well, Miss Davis - "
"Please don't interrupt Scott. I just need to get through this all. I mean, on the one hand, I'm dating Harry. But I've been doing some crazy things lately - spending hours here watching you. And finally I realized that I while I do like Harry, I - I love you."
"You what?"
"I love you Scott."
"Oh, Lauren," he said and then pulled her to him and kissed her. Then kissed over and over again.
"I love you too Lauren," he said, when they paused for oxygen.
She smiled at him. "Just promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Promise that you won't do something like this again."
"Of course I won't. I have you."
"Scott - so this whole thing was about me?"
She looked so guilty that he quickly assured her, "Oh no Lauren. I mean, part of it was, but that was just one woe out of many." He took her hands in his. "But now that I have you, I will never do anything to hurt you."
"Good," she said. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. "Now get some rest. Once the doctors let you out, we can get some dinner some time."
"Is that a date?"
"Only if you're good." She smiled, kissed him once more and left. Scott lay back in bed and thought to himself "It's good to be alive."
Lauren returned to Scott's room every day that week, although she never spoke to him. Everyday she would race to the hospital as soon as school was out, dodging Harry, Marylin and the rest of her friends. She would sit outside his room, trying to make sense of her feelings for him and for Harry. She would sit there for hours, until exhaustion and the nurses drove her to go home and get a few hours of sleep before doing the whole routine over again.
Harry was understandably upset by this routine. He hardly ever got to see her. At first, he didn't even know where she went for so long every night. He and Marylin tried to corner her before she left two days after Scott's suicide attempt. She'd managed to rush away without having to answer their questions. She knew that they'd ask where she was going and why, and the truth was that she didn't even know why.
He finally managed to corner her the day after that. When she told him that she was going to see Scott, he'd asked her "Why? It's only Guber, and he's gonna be fine."
Why indeed? She thought back to what she'd told him that first day - that she loved him. Part of her rejected that idea. After all, she was with Harry. And she'd felt panic and fear when he'd asked her out the first time. So, if she did in fact love him, what had changed?
Sometimes she would see Stephen coming to see how Scott was. Most days she managed to keep him from seeing her; she didn't want Scott to know how much she was obsessing about him. If she decided that she didn't really love him, that would hurt him too much.
One night, though, she fell asleep in one of the chairs at the hospital, and Stephen saw her. He told Scott that she was there. Scott of course wanted to see her, but she'd woken up by now and had fled the hospital. Her emotions were still in turmoil. She wasn't ready to see him yet. She ran down the stairs and into her car. She sat there, thinking and worrying about what she was going to do, until finally she fell asleep.
The next morning, she was awoken when one of the nurses noticed her still asleep in the parking lot in her car.
"Miss! Miss!" she yelled at Lauren. Lauren woke up groggily.
"Huh - what," Lauren uttered.
"It's morning. Shouldn't you be at work or something?"
"Oh my god!" Lauren exlaimed, and then raced off to Winslow. There was no time to go home and change. When she got there, it was already after 9. She ran into Stephen in her hurry to get to her class.
"Whoa, whoa, Lauren, slow down," he said.
"I can't Stephen. I have to get to my class - " she began.
He shook his head and held up a hand to stop her. "I've already got a substitute in there." He peered at her. "You look terrible. Just go home and get some sleep."
"Thanks Stephen, but I really need to teach."
"You can't teach when you're this exhausted, and you know it. Now go home. I'm giving you the day off."
So Lauren went home and collapsed into bed. And when she woke up, she was refreshed with a new sense of purpose.
She took a shower and got dressed, and then she headed back to Winslow. She walked down to the dungeon and pulled Harry aside. She hated doing this to him this way, but it couldn't be helped.
"Harry - I want to break up," she blurted out, after several moments of silence.
An awkward pause followed. "Harry, did you hear me?"
"Yeah Lauren, I heard you. Who - who is it?"
"Who's what?"
"Who's the guy you're dumping me for?"
"Harry! I'm not dumping you for anyone. It's just that I don't think our relationship is working. We don't talk or share anything. And I'm at that point in my life when I want more than just sex in a relationship."
There was a long pause. Harry looked stunned. "You'd better get back to class Harry," she said gently. She hated doing this to him, but it was for the best.
"Yeah, okay," he mumbled, and then he shuffled back inside.
Lauren then drove quickly over to the hospital. She rode the elevator up to Scott's room, rehearsing what she was going to say in her head. In the past several days she'd been coming there, the psychiatric ward had ceased to intimidate her. She walked purposefully to his room.
When she entered, she saw that he was already up.
"Lauren," he said, his voice full of happiness.
"Hi Scott. Um, we need to talk."
"All right. Have a seat," he motioned for her to sit, as if they were back in his office. Even in the psychiatric ward of the hospital he still acted as if he were in charge.
"I've been thinking about what I said to you the other night. About how I loved you." She took a deep breath and tried another tactic. "This whole thing, you trying to kill yourself, has really shaken me. And for the longest time, I've been trying to understand that. I've been uncertain as to who I love - you or Harry."
"Oh, well, Miss Davis - "
"Please don't interrupt Scott. I just need to get through this all. I mean, on the one hand, I'm dating Harry. But I've been doing some crazy things lately - spending hours here watching you. And finally I realized that I while I do like Harry, I - I love you."
"You what?"
"I love you Scott."
"Oh, Lauren," he said and then pulled her to him and kissed her. Then kissed over and over again.
"I love you too Lauren," he said, when they paused for oxygen.
She smiled at him. "Just promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Promise that you won't do something like this again."
"Of course I won't. I have you."
"Scott - so this whole thing was about me?"
She looked so guilty that he quickly assured her, "Oh no Lauren. I mean, part of it was, but that was just one woe out of many." He took her hands in his. "But now that I have you, I will never do anything to hurt you."
"Good," she said. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. "Now get some rest. Once the doctors let you out, we can get some dinner some time."
"Is that a date?"
"Only if you're good." She smiled, kissed him once more and left. Scott lay back in bed and thought to himself "It's good to be alive."